How to improve relationships with people. How to improve your relationship with your loved one after a big fight

The psychology of relationships with a husband often begins from the moment when the relationship is already broken. There is no time and no need to think about it before: after all, everything is fine, we live soul to soul.

By the way, an interesting combination of words - now say “soul to soul” in your thoughts again. It turns out that there is some kind of penetration into each other. I wonder what it feels like? Maybe they are what they call love? They strive to achieve something similar during sex - fusion... But spiritual unity is achieved not by physical intimacy, but by completely different means:

common interests and
sufficient communication.

When all of the above is complete, the sympathy between a man and a woman will rapidly improve, without the effort of worrying about appearance and excess weight.

How to improve your relationship with your husband?

When a breakdown or rupture occurs in the relationship between a husband and wife, many consider silence a gentle way to correct the situation, and then pretend that nothing bad happened. There is an expression: “Rose-colored glasses are broken with the glass facing inward.” Who do you think will get hurt? Of course, you. The unexpressed bitter aftertaste of a quarrel will lead to similar suffering, and soon the wife will be irritated not only by her husband’s words, but also by his appearance, his gaze, movements, and habitual actions. But such a development can be avoided. How? The surest way is to discuss the quarrel that happened. But not immediately, but after 2-3 days. Tell him that you want to talk about what happened, and try to listen to him calmly, without objections:

ask what, in his opinion, was the cause of the quarrel?
What was left unsaid?
What words does he regret? Are there any feelings of guilt or resentment?
how to resolve an unpleasant situation?
and what can be done to prevent it from happening again?

But that's only half the story. The psychology of relationships is a mutual process. After your spouse, it will be your turn to answer the same questions. Ask to listen to you calmly without nerves. After all, the goal of what is planned is to make peace, and not to aggravate it with an emotional breakdown and mutual insults. Please, don’t be fussy, be honest, first of all, with yourself. If you feel that you are not ready to express some of your own thoughts, answer, for example, “I’ll think about it,” but don’t lie.

As the conversation progresses, something unusual will happen: after a temporary aggravation of negative emotions (tears, dissatisfaction and increased tone), you will not notice how bored you will become of discussing a family incident. This means that the negative is exhausted through communication. Perhaps you will want to make coffee, cook something delicious together, sit down on the couch together and watch TV. Did you notice? A bilateral discussion brought back sympathy, although the conversation was far from about love... Communication works wonders!

The psychology of relationships with a husband is a fragile thing.

Perhaps you are afraid to have such a conversation, for fear of destroying at least the union that remains, or because you yourself are not ready for a frank conversation. In this case, you can write it yourself:

what led to the quarrel? And briefly describe the situation.
what did you decide after the scandal? Did the decision you made help improve your relationship with your husband?
What irritates your spouse? Answer everything without hesitation, from small things to important things?
How long has he been unpleasant to you? When did the first quarrel happen?
What is family for you? Who do you consider yourself in it and who is your partner?
your personal attitudes about family life. For example, “All men are...”, “a husband should...”, continue on your own. Maybe it's time to change them to positive ones?
Figure it out, do you value peace in your home or imposing your own position? Do you have love or a battlefield? Isn't it time to lay down your arms and try to accept a person as he is?

Re-read the answers and think about them.

Touching is a good way to improve relationships with your husband. Touch him more often: hug him, stroke him, lean against him. It doesn't have to be accompanied by words. Take his hand, look into his eyes and extend this moment... Communicate more in everyday life: do not mechanically pass bread to each other at dinner, the TV remote control or gloves. Do it not formally, but consciously, invest attention and love in your words and actions. Don’t live “automatically” and improve the quality of your love game.

Now close your eyes and remember your first date. Take your mind back to that moment - how do you feel? What are you thinking about? What emotions are you experiencing? Was it day or evening then? How are you and your loved one dressed? What were they talking about? Immerse yourself in these pleasant feelings and mood. And remember them more often. After all, love is a flower that needs to be watered every day, otherwise it will fade. (c) Natalya Solntseva

What thought would be the first to come to your mind if your son brought you a mug from a long sea voyage and an expensive jacket for his beloved girlfriend? “What a wonderful son I raised!” But this thought is “correct”, befitting a good mother. But in fact, admit it, the worm of jealousy would begin to stir... And it is jealousy that can strangle any good relationship, and even more so the relationship with your daughter-in-law. How to end this eternal confrontation?

Relationship with your daughter-in-law: it all depends on you!

So, of course, this is your boy. Nobody argues. It was your hand, as a baby, that he held tightly in his, confided in secrets, shared not only the past, but also plans for the future.

But the boy has grown up, and now all this goes to her - your daughter-in-law! Let’s not sin against the truth: probably, even the most benevolent and understanding mother-in-law is not always easy to come to terms with such a thought.

However, you should not dramatize the situation and stir up passions. In this case, there are three postulates that can show the right path: how to improve relations with your daughter-in-law. They are simple, if not elementary. You just need to be thoroughly aware of them and carefully pass them through yourself.

Postulate 1

It’s a shame that the overwhelming majority of people don’t even think about the fact that they live (or rather, exist) obeying firmly rooted behavioral stereotypes.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one of the most deeply ingrained in our consciousness. We seem to have a bias towards our son’s wife and we begin to feel prejudice without even really knowing her. And then... it's hard to stop.

Try to find your true feeling among all this imposed husk and develop your own line of behavior. After all, sooner or later we always get what we program ourselves for.

Think about it: everything is actually good! A new family is always happiness, and for you, your new position can promise all sorts of pleasures:

You can finally remember that you have your own personal life. It's very exciting, really. The young people asked to help - yes please, but no... Let them manage themselves, and you - travel, improve your figure, get a driver's license, weave baskets from wicker... Well, what did you always lack time for? Every morning when you wake up, choose joy! Why harass yourself and your loved ones, copy the generally accepted model - the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, make illnesses and enemies? Meaning???

An incomparable pleasure - grandchildren. If it turns out that they appear quickly, travel may have to be postponed for a while. But isn’t a little dear little grandson the whole world? And thanks to your sister-in-law for giving it to you! There are, however, delicate nuances here. It is very important not to do a favor by helping your daughter-in-law manage the child. Few people will like it. And advice, including on caring for a baby, even if practical and to the point, can also be given in different ways. A friendly look, a smile, funny memories of your parental mistakes, self-irony, according to komy-za30.ru, can destroy awkwardness, melt any ice, and bring warmth to the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. Now she is a mother, and she is in charge. As he decides, so it will be. And your job is to support and unobtrusively (!) control.

The pleasure, perhaps a little dubious, is newfound relatives. A burden to someone, what if these are new friends and like-minded people? In any case, you can always try to make them so.

A special pleasure: not to give pleasure to various kinds of “well-wishers” who decided to sympathize with your new “difficulties and problems.” It’s incredibly pleasant to look into their eyes and answer with a radiant smile: “What are you talking about, everything is fine with us! Our relationship with our beloved daughter-in-law is simply wonderful. My sister-in-law is so smart!”

Postulate 2

It should be clear to you like no one else. Have pity on your son! Spare his feelings! Everything is simple here. He loves this woman, you will love her too.

You can not? It's an everyday matter. Then just accept everything as it comes.

After all, he is dear to both of you, and you both dream of him being happy. Why then do everything the other way around?

Be kind in your relationship with your daughter-in-law and in return you will receive the warm gratitude of your son and his even more tender (because conscious) affection than before!

And the most disastrous thing is to try to turn a son against his beloved wife. Even if you succeed, what will be the end result? The worst option is a broken family and your unhappy child, the best option is that they will sort it out, and you will remain the last one!

Postulate 3

Whether you like it or not, you have to admit: you are older than this - now the main woman in his life (although there are, of course, exceptions! ☺). You are wiser. Therefore, the responsibility for a warm hearth that warms everyone lies with you. Even if his son’s wife looks from under her brows and doesn’t trust her yet, think about it - she’s a young girl, what can I take from her?

And over time, your kindness and understanding will put everything in its place, even in such a difficult matter as a relationship with your daughter-in-law.

That's all, actually. You say, everything turns out too sweet, unrealistic?

Let me disagree! A mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law can be true friends, because they have the most powerful unifying interest - their beloved man! And small roughnesses - well, such rattles can be found in every hut.

It turns out that a peaceful and trusting relationship with your daughter-in-law is the key to your new family well-being. Imagine how great it is to have it in your hands! So turn it around quickly and open the door to a life full of love!

The reasons for the cooling of any marital relationship are the same and at the same time different for each family. For some, love has become a part of everyday life, others suffer from constant lack of money, others simply no longer understand each other, and for others, problems began with the birth of a child. And although at the wedding everyone promised to be with their spouse in both sorrow and joy, in practice this does not always happen. Problems accumulate, and then the spouses cease to recognize the family happiness they were striving for and forget about the love on which they built their marriage. And if in this case you leave everything as it is, then a divorce is not far off. So why are relationships getting worse? How to improve your relationship with your husband? What prevents you from living happily and loving each other as before?

Reasons for cooling relationships in marriage

Do it the way I want

“It’s okay, he’ll improve, I’ll change him,” the bride says self-confidently when relatives or friends mention her groom’s shortcomings. In such relationships, love has only a name, since love is the unconditional and selfless acceptance of the entire partner, along with the pros and cons of his nature and character. Not a single wife has managed to change even the most weak-willed husband. You need to remember this and be guided by this rule all your life. A person’s character is formed by the age of 5-7, after which only adjustments to behavior and habits are possible. An adult can make his own decision and change. But the wife herself will not be able to force him to do this, much less change it.

Don't interfere, I'll do it myself

Some girls are raised by their mothers with the idea that a man is not an independent adult, but an unreasonable child who needs to be led, directed, and educated. The joke that a married woman always has at least one child - the one her mother-in-law gave birth to - could be funny if it did not hide a real family tragedy. They try to control the man, he gets a job, he is forced to leave work, the man is expelled from the kitchen because “he will burn everything”, they are not allowed to take the baby in his arms because he will “drop”, they control his expenses, taking his salary and giving it to him later "for travel." And then they complain to their friends that they blew the dust off him, and he left.

If not you…

Man in general is an ungrateful and envious creature. Sitting at work, women look with envy at young mothers with babies, believing that it is certainly easier for them than for those forced to sit in offices all day long. Looking at a childless girl leaving work, a mother with many children sighs: after all, a girl can be free the whole evening, but she has to wash tights, have lessons with her eldest, cubes with her middle child, and have her youngest cry at night. Married people envy unmarried people having fun in clubs, unmarried people yearn alone on holidays. And this results in reproaches from wives who tell their husbands that if it weren’t for them, their wives would have made a career, received another education, learned foreign languages, traveled the world and in general their standard of living would have been much higher. For some reason, such women do not take into account that you can travel and learn languages together with your husband, and you can study remotely - if you wish. No, it’s much easier to say that all my friends live better, and I’m worse, because I have such a bad husband.

I have the best years for you...

This reason echoes the previous one. No one drove a woman to the registry office, no one forced her to get married under the threat of her life. Surely, she herself wanted this marriage and wanted to put the treasured wedding ring on her finger. So why then are there reproaches that the best years of his life were spent on this man, and he remained ungrateful? The point here is not about her husband, but about her abnormal unhealthy attitude towards her husband, towards marriage and towards herself. Women try to present themselves as victims who gave everything and received no gratitude in return. At the same time, it is usually not specified what “everything” she gave is, and what exactly gratitude should be expressed in.

Of course, these examples are exaggerated. But there is a fair amount of truth in each of them for most families. Why do we get angry at our husbands, even if we know that we are wrong? Because, firstly, we are used to it, we were raised this way, and we observe similar behavior in the families of our relatives and friends, and secondly, we simply don’t know what to do if everyday life interferes with relationships, how to improve relationships with my husband after quarrels.

What to do if life is consumed by love?

You don’t need to be involved in everything at the same time and alone. Distribute tasks among all family members, but do not try to push absolutely everything onto them. Even a two-year-old child is able to put his shoes on the shoe rack, put his toys in a drawer and wipe up spilled milk - even if not completely - with a napkin. Older children will be able to buy bread for home, take out the trash, water flowers and wipe dust from furniture. With your husband, redistribute cooking, washing floors, dishes, toilets, sinks and other plumbing fixtures. Carry out cleaning activities such as cleaning furniture, washing curtains and beating carpets together. If funds allow, get yourself some “helpers” - a multicooker, a microwave oven, a dishwasher, a washing machine, and a robot vacuum cleaner. It's great to make life easier for the whole family.

Be sure to give yourself a weekend away. Even in a cleanly tidied house, you can get bored if you don’t get new impressions. With children you can go to a family cartoon, to the zoo, to a museum, or go on an excursion outside the city. Together you can attend a movie or performance of the “18+” category, sit in a restaurant, or just walk around the city at night.

It is very important to support your husband in his endeavors. There is no need to obstruct him or doubt his abilities. A wise woman can make a king out of the most homely husband, a stupid woman will clip the wings of the most gifted, unless, of course, he thinks of leaving her before this happens.

How to improve family relationships after quarrels and scandals?

First of all, you need to remember an old, old joke in which a psychologist advises a woman to gargle with chamomile before her husband returns home. In other words, you just need to be silent more. Don’t start quarrels and showdowns yourself - mentally gargle, or you can do it literally: take water, tea or a decoction of any herb into your mouth and be silent. Do the same thing when your husband habitually provokes you into a scandal - remain silent.

Remove selfishness from your attitude towards your husband. Does he want to go to his friends' house without you? Let him go. If he spends time with friends, your marriage will fail. But he will also not become stronger if the husband, giving in to your whining or persuasion, stays at home and sits for half the day with a dissatisfied look.

Stop reprimanding him. Take better care of yourself. You are far from perfect either, so there is always something to work on. Start working out your abs or running at the nearest stadium, take foreign language or culinary classes, or just do some general cleaning at home and throw away all the excess that has accumulated over the years on the mezzanines and balconies.

Become more self-sufficient, do not cling to your husband’s hand in any situation. Learn to make decisions without consulting your husband, mother or friends and take responsibility for them. This is one of the most important qualities of an adult and psychologically mature person.

Make yourself a rule: household chores are for home, work tasks are for work. The same goes for problems and experiences. Everything that happens at home, in the family, should remain in it. It is unacceptable for an intelligent woman to bring family troubles to public discussion with her colleagues. Likewise, there is no need to bring home a bad mood from work. Your children and husband are not to blame if your boss yelled at you or if your postmenopausal colleague had a fight with you. Separate not only flies from cutlets, but also family from work.

What else is needed for happiness in the family?

Be sure to lead a fulfilling sex life. Intimacy is necessary for normal healthy family relationships. Under no circumstances should you blackmail your husband with sex, do not make sex a subject of encouragement, and the absence of sex a subject of punishment. If your husband is experiencing intimate problems or intimacy has become unpleasant for you, you should visit a doctor. If the problem turns out to be not at the level of physiology, but at the level of psychology, then a psychologist or sexologist will help solve it.

Don't let strangers interfere in your relationship with your husband. In this case, everyone is considered outsiders: parents, relatives, neighbors, friends, neighbors, acquaintances. Marriage is between two people, which means problems should be solved by the two of them. If intervention is necessary, then let it be qualified - medical, sexological, psychological, psychotherapeutic.

Financial well-being plays an important role for a family. A significant percentage of divorces occur in those families in which the standard of living is low and expenses are not always covered.

Housing conditions are as important an element as money. Living with parents worsens the life of a young family; the spouse who brought the family to his parents’ house remains a big child, he does not make independent decisions and is more immersed in the parental family than in his own family. Moreover, the presence of parents, according to psychologists, makes young spouses similar to brother and sister. And such an attitude towards each other does not contribute to building normal intergender relationships and conducting a sexual life. It is important to live separately from your parents, even in a rented apartment. In any case, the family will benefit from this.

Health problems should not be hushed up, but there is no need to dwell on them either. If one of the spouses is chronically ill, other family members must take this into account and provide him with the necessary assistance. But at the same time, it is unacceptable to manipulate household members by speculating on their health. This makes the microclimate in the house unhealthy and spoils the relationships between everyone living in the house.

These rules for establishing a relationship with your husband are simple, but that is why they are difficult to follow. If the cause of your discord is something else, then identify it and work together to resolve it. Any common problem can only be solved together.

Yes, not many people value marriage now. They consider it something outdated and are convinced that it only causes disappointment and strife. Married people often solve problems through divorce. Parents may not show their children natural love and use them for their own purposes to resolve family conflicts. Many parents do not want to be flexible, even when it comes to the peace and unity of the family. What role does compliance play in preventing family breakdown? What can we learn from those who enjoy marriage today? How to improve your relationship with your husband when it is “bursting at the seams.”

A married couple may be very happy on their wedding day, but they should also remember the responsibility that comes with their marriage promises made to each other on this day.

How to become happy in marriage

Many married couples remember their courtship period fondly. How pleased they were to recognize their chosen one! The more time they spent together, the closer they became to each other. But after a man and a woman get married (after a period of courtship or by parental agreement), it is extremely important for them to adapt to each other. One person said: “At the beginning of our family life, we could not understand that each of us was no longer alone. For some time we were unable to correctly determine what place relationships with friends and relatives should occupy in our lives.”

Another man, who got married 30 years ago, learned early in his marriage that living a balanced life meant “thinking about two people.” This is the secret of how to initially improve relationships in the family, how to improve relations with your husband - before accepting any invitation or promising something, he consults with his wife and then makes a decision, taking into account her opinion. The wife should do the same. In such situations, it is important to be flexible.

Sometimes people from different cultures get married. In this case, a frank exchange of opinions is especially necessary in order to initially improve relations with your husband. Communication styles vary. Therefore, those who observe how he talks with relatives will be able to better understand a married partner. Sometimes it is not a person's words, but the way he expresses himself that reveals what is in his heart. And often you can understand each other without words. To be happy, being discerning is essential.

Many married couples have seen that they need to be flexible when it comes to choosing hobbies and entertainment so that the relationship between husband and wife does not deteriorate. Before marriage, your marriage partner may have enjoyed playing sports or otherwise spending his free time. Or do you need to make some changes now? The same can apply to the time you spent with relatives. Of course, spouses need time to engage in spiritual and other matters together.

Relationship with husband's parents

When a man marries, he leaves his father and mother, and the same can be said about his wife. Still, they are obliged to at least listen to instructions and honor their parents, no matter how old they are. Therefore, even after marriage, you need to devote some time to each other's parents. A man who has been married for 25 years said: “Sometimes it is not easy to find a middle ground between the wants and needs of a marriage partner and the wants and needs of parents and other relatives. Of course, it is important to maintain warm family relationships and have a sense of duty to your family. But the most important thing is the relationship with the marriage partner.” Parents who are compliant must take into account that their children are now married. This means that children have their own family and leadership is already exercised in that family.

Sex in family life

Married people should avoid actions that spoil their marriage. For example, you should beware of everything that permeates the sex-crazed world. The advice to consider is: “Let the husband give credit to his wife, and the wife to her husband.”

A clear instruction is given: “Do not deny this to each other, unless for a certain period and by common agreement.” But each spouse should also be sensitive to the physical and emotional needs of their marriage partner.

A man and wife need to be frank with each other and understand that a lack of tenderness in this delicate area can cause problems and the relationship is so difficult to mend. This happens in some religiously divided families. Even if there are differences of opinion, you can usually improve the situation by being good, kind, and considerate towards your partner. Love for your marriage partner, as well as compliance, will help in this area of family life. I can also advise you to read the article “ «, advice from which will also help you in solving the question: “How to improve a bad relationship with your husband?” Or you can use .

What ruins your relationship with your husband?

If a wife speaks disparagingly about her husband, telling others about his mistakes, this hardly indicates respect for him, and here you risk losing a good relationship with your husband. “A wise woman will build her house, but a foolish woman will destroy it.” Using this advice will help resolve family misunderstandings or avoid them altogether.

“Whenever there is some kind of disagreement, my husband and I always sit down and discuss the problem, even if it takes many hours,” says one female psychoanalyst. Early in their married life they decided that they would not go to bed until they had settled their differences of opinion. “We decided: no matter what problem arises, we will forgive, no longer remember mistakes and start every day, so to speak, with a clean slate.” Thus, this does not allow a crack to appear in the marriage, the relationship with the husband does not deteriorate and there is no need to rebuild it later. The same applies to the woman herself.

What makes a relationship with your husband strong?

What to do if you think that your marriage is a big mistake? Perhaps your relationship with your husband does not seem as romantic to you as in other couples. Still, you can feel happy if you have the right outlook on marriage. “Let each of you respect marriage.” When a husband and wife are completely focused on life's values and have the right priorities, they will have a close relationship with each other. A couple should do everything possible to achieve a happy marriage.

Of course, people can take comfort in their family life. To do this, you need to make efforts and show good qualities. One of them is compliance. Today, many women around the world are proving that it is possible to achieve happiness in marriage, you just need to know how to re-establish relationships with your husband.

How to improve your relationship with your husband? Asking the question of improving relationships in a couple, and specifically how to improve family relationships with a husband, many greatly complicate the existing situation, often forgetting about simple rules that help normalize any interaction. Before you get offended and conclude that you are not being listened to or ignored, try to evaluate the adequacy of your own speech. Women are prone to figurative, emotional and lengthy narration, among which men usually get lost and do not understand which piece of the information provided to react to, because it is physically impossible to respond to all of it.

How to improve your relationship with your husband after a quarrel

By ridding your speech of hints, trying to express it as specifically and briefly as possible, and also by stopping believing in a man’s ability to read your thoughts and guess your desires, you can avoid many. This is due to the fact that women tend to remain silent for a long time, get offended, make things up and eventually start a scandal, instead of clearly identifying the problem when necessary. The difference in brain functioning also affects the perception of information, so a friend will understand you instantly, thinking in similar patterns, and a man can stand for a long time with a surprised face. Responsibility for communication lies with both partners; it is not enough to simply wait to be understood correctly; you also need to make efforts to convey your opinion in the most understandable way.

Make sure you have personal time and space, periodic distance between you, since constant contact even with your most loved ones is tiring. A person needs time for solitude and minding his own business; he needs a pause to switch gears when returning home. Without such short periods of rest, breakdowns and irritation may occur, even if you try to help and cheer. If your contact from the threshold is filled with claims, grievances and problems, then the natural desire to just hide or stop the life-sucking contact.

Try not to rush - this advice is relevant for many situations in interaction and building your own life. Do not rush to conclusions about the actions and decisions of another person; it may turn out that everything will work out, but the fact that you do not provide support or even criticize will create mistrust and discourage any desire to share. Don't rush him to make a decision or change the situation in any way because your own anxiety level is off the charts. A person functions in the rhythm in which he is comfortable; moreover, when making a decision, a man usually analyzes and compares significantly more factors than a woman, which requires additional time.

Questions concerning feelings generally require a separate state in the male world, since in order to adjust to the wave of the emotional, they need to put the entire logical process of analysis aside, for which opportunities are not often found. By pushing and hastening, you can get an answer aimed at making you finally shut up or taken from the ceiling, although most often you will hear a menacing roar, conveying to you the meaning that at the moment the man is not ready to answer. Don’t be in a hurry in your life, with making promises, making elections and committing significant actions, give time for impulsiveness to step aside, observe the situation a little more, so that there is no anecdotal situation where the wife got herself a new man because her husband left, and went to the garage for an hour.

Do not try to change your spouse, thinking that then the relationship will improve; if there is a crack in it, then raising him as if in a children's group will cause protest and rejection, which will further aggravate the situation. Change your reactions, trying to reduce the level of tension in your interaction; this can be done by replacing the strategy of demands and criticism with giving and praise (just don’t overdo it and don’t change abruptly - men are sensitive to the slightest changes, and if they are serious, then they will be wary and tense, and will not meet you halfway).

In general, instead of focusing on the shortcomings of another and problems in the relationship, shift the focus a little on yourself, since taking care of yourself and completely immersing yourself in establishing contact, a woman risks only making things worse. She makes titanic efforts, catches the slightest changes in the aura and facial expressions, while she herself loses resources, not receiving recharge and begins to demand and put pressure without even realizing it, because she expects dividends from the efforts invested, but they still don’t come. The trick is that they won’t come through force, since a relaxed person can create a relaxed environment, a filled person can share, but a hungry and angry person can only put pressure and demand. So look for ways to restore your own emotional balance and sources of spiritual fulfillment; during this time, the relationship will not fall apart, but maybe, on the contrary, it will come to life, receiving a breath of freedom.

While the relationship has just begun, even in the most terrible quarrels you will not have the thought that it will always be like this now or even worse, but over time, when the main points of the innovation have been passed, something has settled down, and you and your spouse have finally stopped hiding from each other With their negative qualities comes an inevitable relationship crisis and the question of how to improve family relationships with your husband becomes relevant even for those who assured that this is not about them. Stabilizing relationships during a crisis, when your marriage is shaking like an airplane in a zone of turbulence requires a change in the general way of communication, but in addition to this, you still need to deal with the causes of the crisis and dissatisfaction with what is happening.

The most common cause is boredom, everyday life, and habit. Judge for yourself, all the innovations that could have happened have already happened - you celebrated all possible holidays together in various combinations of relatives and friends, you were in hospitals and closed cucumbers. The opportunity to gain new experience is simply exhausted by the repetition of situations, besides, over a long time you have studied each other enough, you know what to expect, but you haven’t discovered anything new and amazing in your other half for a long time. Spend your everyday life the same way, even intimacy becomes more routine. Introducing romance or finding a new hobby together will help shake up your relationship - you can go on a date again, instead of an evening in front of the TV, or you can buy a couple of bicycles and explore the surrounding area.

The spouse’s shortcomings begin to emerge more and more clearly, and the advantages seem to evaporate, because the longer we communicate, the less we build a positive character in front of our spouse, we relax and show up as who we are. The difference in perception of how everything should have been should be discussed jointly, as concretely and openly as possible, i.e. It’s better to communicate that you need conversations at dinner, and then help with washing the dishes, rather than an abstract phrase about wanting more attention. It is impossible to try to change the behavior and emotional reactions, just like the life habits and views of an adult, and you should not try to do this with your own husband. But swallowing things that do not suit your life concept will have a deplorable effect, report factually, and be as specific as possible about what you don’t like. Try to avoid threatening phrases and intonations - your task is not to intimidate, but to inform your husband about how you should handle such a situation and leave his further behavior at his discretion, but notifying him of the possible consequences.

On the verge of a crisis or already in it, it is important to understand how to improve relationships, while trying not to clarify all the problems that have accumulated and were expressed during the scandal immediately after the storm. It is necessary to choose a suitable time, perhaps after several hours or days, so that emotions subside and there is an opportunity to discuss mutual claims, desires and proposals. You should not start deep topics, especially those related to feelings and relationships, when a man has stopped by for lunch, has just returned or is about to leave. Offers to talk “about us” plunge many men into a state of rage in advance, since for them this means a lot of text and details that are tiring, a lack of specifics and offers of resolution, as well as hopelessness, since his last attempt is to make his woman happy by asking what she wants , ends with a devaluing “nothing.”

If you want to discuss problems with a man or simply make your relationship warmer, then speak clearly and concisely (“I want to go out with you every Saturday”), not forgetting to offer options that would suit you, and not placing all the responsibility on your husband (“ for example, let’s go to the sports ground together in the morning or to the cinema in the evening”). Accept his suggestions or disagreements, otherwise this is the authoritarian style of your autocratic rule, and not an equal relationship between two individuals who value each other.

If you have tried to find contact on your own and failed to develop ways to develop relationships in a creative direction, then contact a specialist, ideally this will be family therapy, but if your spouse refuses to attend classes, you can go to an individual psychotherapeutic session. The effect will also be and the model of your interaction will change, since a married couple is a system, and when one component of the system changes, the second changes automatically, otherwise they will not be able to interact.

How to improve your relationship with your husband on the verge of divorce

It is quite difficult to establish relationships that are heading towards divorce, but with the appropriate internal strength, it is a completely feasible idea, but is it worth doing this when the situation has taken such a critical turn? Such cracks do not come suddenly, and depending on the reasons that gave rise to the idea of breaking up, you should choose different restoration tactics.

The spouse's temper can lead to a pre-divorce state, and if it is expressed in constant quarrels and showdowns, then it is still possible to revive the situation by understanding the reasons and normalizing the state of the psyche. But if hot temper gives rise to insults and humiliation, assault and restriction of a woman’s freedom, then in most cases a divorce will help to achieve a quiet life, and not attempts to adapt to the husband and normalize the relationship. The husband’s behavior aimed at humiliating a woman leads to a decrease in self-esteem, the development of a depressive state and suicidal thoughts; the continuation of such treatment even after several comments means that such interaction is habitual and acceptable in his picture of the world. This also includes the polygamous behavior of men, with open expressions of sympathy for other women in front of their wives, and the presence of a mistress. In such relationships, if you agree to the periodic return of such a period in order to preserve the family, it is worth consulting with a psychotherapist specializing in family relationships.

If such critical cases are not relevant to you, then you can work on establishing interactions. In order to understand how to improve relations with your husband after a quarrel that raises ideas about divorce, you need to delve a little deeper into the mechanics of the process. The presence of serious scandals indicates strong feelings, first of all, for you, and this is far from indifference, because we do not shout at strangers as much as at loved ones. By touching something inside a person, you cause a violent reaction, it grows, and just when the fuses of the psyche burn out and there is a threat that the person will not be able to withstand the increase in the intensity of passions, he chooses to break off contact. Throwing everything away, getting a divorce, stopping communicating is the only possible reaction to save the integrity of something extremely important in one’s own psyche. By stepping back a little, showing that you are not going to reshape anything in the human soul, you can reduce the level of emotional stress. If, on the contrary, you start asking to tell why the person is hiding, assuring that you will carefully handle entrusted information, if they entrust it to you now, it will lead to an increase in affect and an acceleration of the divorce process.

Listen to your spouse, just talking about the desire to improve the relationship is not enough, you need to be attentive to his thoughts on this matter, because your goal is to normalize interaction, and not to handcuff a person for the sake of formally being together. When expressing your own complaints, be prepared to hear about your unpleasant character traits, and it would be fair to take into account the wishes of your partner if you want your comments to be taken into account. Crises mercilessly push people towards divorce. But they push only those who believe that everything should be good a priori and not change, but relationships require daily mental work, soul-searching and change, they are far from static and include both fireworks of joy and months of Antarctic cold. When a high-quality and open dialogue is established between spouses, most of the problems in the relationship do not disappear, but they can be solved and do not develop into an insurmountable lump that accumulates over the years.

Try to add positive moments to your life together, but remember your personal space. In the pre-divorce state, frequent and deep contact can be difficult, so keep all your interactions short and light. It is better not to travel on a ship for married couples - the space is enclosed, there is nowhere to go, the presence of happy couples will provoke constant comparisons. It’s quite possible to get tickets to a concert of a band you both love, and it’s better in some club than in a hall with seats - this will give you the opportunity to remember common topics and won’t force you to communicate if you don’t want to (and in a club, moving around and communicating with others looks pretty organically), and you can leave at any time. In this analogy, come up with positive ways to spend time according to your situation and preferences, but sometimes you need to speak honestly and openly when you feel that the tension level has decreased a little.

How to improve your relationship with your husband after he cheated

People have different attitudes towards betrayal, and if it is impossible for someone to forgive it, then someone will simply be upset, but will not change their life, allowing this to happen to themselves or to their partner. But having decided to continue the relationship with your husband after betrayal, you should understand that in order to normalize the interaction, it will not be enough to simply apologize and discuss the situation, since betrayal is the visible tip of the iceberg, it is usually preceded by discord in the family system, and often it is thanks to adultery that the family is preserved as a form , otherwise unmet needs and mutual accusations or indifference would tear the family apart completely.

To protect yourself from revenge and the thirst for power by manipulating what happened, making the husband always apologizing, and because of this dancing to the mood of his wife, it is worth realizing a few points. He voluntarily decided to stay with you, the myth that you can take away or return a man by force has long lost all viability, and you, in turn, voluntarily accepted him back, if you cannot forgive, then you should not have continued the relationship. Based on these two simple postulates, it turns out that you are valuable and significant to each other, which is a separate incentive to normalize relations.

If it is still within your power, then do not spread information about what happened, because if you can forgive, then the benevolent public will constantly remind you and not in the most flattering interpretations. It is unlikely that anyone will admire your joint ability to maintain the warmth of the relationship, even after going through this, they would rather throw mud at your husband and call you a fool. With a strong onslaught of public opinion, you can really believe in all the facts provided and begin to act in accordance with their recommendations, but life is yours. But going to the other end of the opposite, hiding the fact and denying it in every possible way from those who know is also not worth it; they can be correctly asked not to raise this topic again, justifying it with the fact that you feel unpleasant when discussing it.

The husband must definitely convey his condition, hold on, stoically portraying that you are so cool and self-confident that this did not hurt you in any way. He must realize what was happening to you, it is better to show it as early as possible, and brightly and quickly (it is better to throw a vase at him once and roar for an hour than not to talk for a month and not allow anyone to touch you for a year). Be sure to discuss what happened and decide together how to move forward. This could be a plan of action or developing a specific behavior. You can agree on intimacy or demand not to communicate with your mistress, perhaps stipulate compensation and the speed of gradual rapprochement. When discussing your future life, focus on your current state, voice your needs and warn about your changed attitude towards something, since without notification a man may wonder why you are jumping away.

If we consider it from the point of view of the theory of relationships, then betrayal is a kind of cry from a relationship for help, when people did not pay attention to smaller moments. When a relationship ends, it ends quietly, simply fading away, and if a third appears in it, but then the former partner is still chosen, then it may be coldness, distance, the inability to satisfy something meaningful, such as the love and value of this person. It is ideal to deal with the unconscious motives of betrayal and the wife should also reconsider her behavior for the presence of unconscious actions that push a man into the arms of another. People may consciously want the opposite, but family messages are powerful drivers of behavior that are established in childhood. Discovering and changing them on your own is quite problematic, since such beliefs live in the unconscious area and operate from there. or individual will help to improve the relationship between the spouses without unnecessary circles, but if there is an acute reluctance or inability to seek help, you can try to figure out the reasons on your own.