How to calm a baby when he cries, if he has a tantrum or at night. Little Known Ways to Soothe a Crying Baby That Really Work How to Soothe a Newborn When He Cries

Improving your child's nighttime sleep

Darcia Narvaez, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral landscapes

"My baby is happy and calm only in my arms, as soon as I put him down, he starts to cry".

"At night, the baby wakes up every hour, I just don’t have the strength anymore".

Such complaints often come from the lips of young people.parents .

Most children wake up at night and expect their parents to help them calm down. As the baby grows, the number of awakenings during the night decreases and the need for assistance to fall back to sleep decreases, but all this persists for a fairly long period of time. Recent Research Weinraub et al. 2012 confirms thatnighttime awakenings are normal for babies . 66% of 6-month-old babies wake up at least once or twice a week at night, and the rest even more often. Some babies as young as 12 months old may cry when they wake up, even if they've calmly drifted back to sleep on previous nights.

Easy falling back to sleep with the help of an adult is one of the essential values ​​for our little ones, as well as an important task for parents in need of rest. Adults who are trying to soothe their children can get tangible support from the science of nighttime baby care. She reveals important knowledge about calming babies and why certain methods are most likely to help with this.

What is important to know about tranquility?

· The presence of an adult helps calm children who wake up in a bad mood. Infants (especially in the first months of life) are not yet able to regulate their emotional states. This is one of the reasons why crying episodes tend to increase in the first 2-3 months of life, and then their frequency decreases. Babies may cry or worry for many reasons, including hunger, pain, or other uncomfortable conditions, or sometimes simply a need for physical contact. For example, carrying a baby for 3-4 hours a day reduces the total amount of crying/restlessness in a 6-week-old infant by 43% (Hunziker & Barr, 1988).

Worrying and crying are the most important means by which a child can express his needs and desires. We are not always able to determine the specific cause of such behavior, but the manifestation of visible and audible signs of suffering is undoubtedly the most important protective and adaptive function of infants. Soothing an upset baby depends on sensory information from a caring adult - touch, a soothing voice, smell, eye contact, breastfeeding. This is how nature intended it to be. Children rely on those who care for them to be comforted and helped to cope with other factors that upset or make them uncomfortable, such as pain, hunger, or some physical or emotional state that we cannot accurately determine. The presence of an adult and attention to the baby when he wakes up and cries helps him fall back to sleep faster (Mao, Burnham, Goodlin-Jones, Gaylor, & Anders, 2004).

· The infant learns self-soothing by receiving help in soothing from outside. The adult contributes to the development of the ability - physiologically and emotionally - to calm oneself, helping the baby to calm down, without ignoring his suffering. This is the most important help of parents to children (Davidov & Grusec, 2006; Stifter & Spinrad, 2002). Parents often hesitate to be around a crying baby, fearing that it will interfere with the development of the child's ability to cope with stress on their own. But following this approach becomes the cause of increased anxiety of the child, he "sticks" to his parents, not letting them go a step away from him. stress and duration of the period of wakefulness of the infant. This does not in the least contribute to the independent emotional or physical regulation of the child's suffering and reactions. On the contrary, in order to learn to sleep, the baby needs the caring guiding participation of the parents. Such relationships help the child develop mental stability and the ability to self-regulate, in case of problems, he will be able to calm himself.

· Understanding why some children are more anxious than others. Restlessness after waking up is completely normal behavior. Stressed babies require attention to help them regain a sense of security. However, it is important to understand that the way in which such assistance is provided may vary for different children. Since some babies cry little or not very much, many people tend to expect the same behavior from all babies. But babies differ significantly from each other in terms of frequency and strength of crying. These differences are due to many factors, including temperament, impressions, sensations, and physiological maturity. Thus, the degree and duration of the need for external regulation (calming) varies for different children. Providing external regulation for infants who feel less secure and therefore more stressed actually helps rather than interfere with them. This helps build neural pathways that ultimately allow babies to cope with stress and soothe themselves (Cassidy, 1994; Stifter & Spinrad, 2002).

· Understanding and tracking the moment when awakenings become a problem. Awakenings are a normal part of baby sleep and vary depending on several infant factors:

1) method of feeding (breast or bottle),

2) age,

3) developmental deviations,

4) individual level of maturity.

Based on these conditions, each family needs to understand whether revivals are a problem for the family. Awakenings are not a problem just because they happen.. The notion that awakenings are the cause of "difficulty sleeping" distorts current knowledge about children's sleep. . We know that multiple awakenings during the night are normal for babies, especially those who are breastfed. And given the neurological immaturity of human babies at birth, awakenings serve as a major defense mechanism against the dangers of sleep apnea and ensure oxygenation of the body. In addition, transient and longer awakenings help manage cardiopulmonary problems during sleep and restore the natural rhythm of the heart (Mosko et al 1997a). First studies sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) showed that infants who wake up more often at night are less at risk of dying from SIDS than those who wake up much less frequently (for a review see McKenna 1995 and Mosko et al 1997a and b).

By the time the child outgrows the period of the main risk of SIDS, the cyclical nature of his awakenings and dreams becomes more systematic, studies show that many children continue to wake up at night (Weinraubetal., 2012). Even then, it is appropriate to view nighttime awakenings as a family problem rather than a child's "sleep problem." If an adult is satisfied with the awakening of a one-year-old child 2 or more times during the night, there is no problem!

To recap: Waking up crying is a completely normal behavior. Helping a crying baby to soothe and comfort supports the development of his ability to soothe himself in the future.

Natural ways to soothe your baby

The first 3 months of life are known to many as"fourth trimester of pregnancy"when the baby needs. Some newborns easily adapt to new living conditions, others are more difficult. Many of the ways parents instinctively use to soothe their babies actually recreate the pleasant, familiar sensations that have become familiar to the baby during its time in the womb. These methods work really well for all children.

Recreating movement.The uterus is a space in constant motion, so dancing, swaying from side to side, brisk walking, bumpy driving, as a rule, helps babies calm down.

When should you not sleep with your baby? It is important that parents refrain from co-sleeping unless they are breastfeeding and, of course, if either parent is under the influence, drugs or something that can disrupt the natural process of excitation-inhibition of the nervous system. Children should sleep on a different surface next to their parents' bed if:

1) adults sleeping nearby are excessively sleepy,

2) it is likely that small children will look for a way and opportunity to get into bed with their parents,

3) there is an adult in the bed who refuses to take responsibility for the child.

Co-sleeping should be avoided if during pregnancy, as the infant may have disturbed awakening rhythms and this will interfere with effective provision of maximum safety in co-sleeping conditions. The same is true for small premature babies. For them, the safest is the organization of sleep in a side bed, and not in a common bed. And finally it is very risky to sleep with a baby on a couch, sofa or chair. There are many cases when children suffocated, being sandwiched between an adult and any piece of furniture. In all of the above cases, sleeping together on different sleeping surfaces in the same room is a better option than sleeping together in a shared bed.

An important point: wherever the child sleeps, he should always lie on his back. Moreover, it is necessary to ensure that the baby is located away from soft bedding, pillows or toys, so that nothing obstructs breathing, and his head is not covered by any objects, regardless of whether he sleeps next to his parents or separately from them.

More information about safe co-sleeping can be found here. (and further on the links at the end of the article).

Breast-feeding.In addition to the other benefits of breastfeeding for health and cognitivechild development, it is a wonderful way to calm down. Breastfeeding provides skin-to-skin contact and warmth, which is convenient and beneficial for parents, making it easier to manage awakenings and help reduce depression (Fergerson, Jamieson, & Lindsay, 2002). In addition, mothers who exclusively breastfeed actually sleep more and are less tired during the day compared to those who exclusively formula feed or mix feed ( Kendall-Tackett, Cong, &Hale, 2011).

Listen to your child and trust your instincts.Babies are excellent at communicating, and adults are usually adept at choosing the best way to respond. The ability to rock a child or talk to him softly and gently is inherent in us by nature. Thus, an attentive attitude to him and to your feelings will help to calm the baby. Parents need to learn to listen to themselves and protect the safety and health of babies.If the baby cries while in the arms of the parents, you can choose a more comfortable position for him, but do not leave the baby alone.If the adult is motionless, it may be necessary to start moving; if it is already in motion - try to start rocking. Trust your instincts, they will tell you the best way to connect with your child.

Note to Parents: There is only one person who knows your baby and that is you. Sometimes you can easily find a way to calm the child; at times it will seem to you that the methods that helped before have stopped working. However, being patient with your child and with yourself will help both of you learn to overcome difficulties and improve.

What to do if rituals continue to cause stress?

Perhaps it's time to change something if the adult begins to think: "I've been comforting the baby at night for quite some time ... What can be done so that at least sometimes a night's sleep is uninterrupted?"

Yes, some of these changes come with time - as a recent study by Weinraub showed, every baby has its own timing. There are also some ways that parents can use to gently move in the desired direction with the child. We will share some options to help children reduce the need for attention at night, if that is what is needed for family well-being. These approaches are based on the critical calming steps described in this article:

Listen, look closely at the signals of the baby;

Provide your baby with care and support;

Help your child learn self-soothing.

Bibliography/ Links*

Cassidy, J. (1994). Emotion regulation : Influences of attachment relationships. Monographs of the Society for Research inchild development , 59, 228-283.

Davidov, M. & Grusec, J.E. (2006). Untangling the links of parental responsiveness to distress and warmth to child outcomes. child Development, 77, 44-58.

Fergerson, S.S., Jamieson, D.J., & Lindsay, M. (2002). Diagnosing postpartum depression: can we do better? American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, 186, 899-902.

Hunziker, U.A., & Barr, R.G. (1986). Increased carrying reduces infant crying: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 77, 641-648.ftp://urstm.com/CharestJ/Articles.pdf/Hunziker%20U%201986.pdf

Kendall-Tackett, K.A., Cong, Z., & Hale, T.W. (2011). The effect of feeding method on sleep duration, maternal well-being, and postpartum depression. Clinical Lactation, 2(2), 22-26.

Mao, A., Burnham, M.M., Goodlin-Jones, B.L., Gaylor, E.E., & Anders T.F. (2004). A comparison of the sleep-wake patterns of cosleeping and solitary-sleeping infants. ChildPsychiatry and Human Development, 35, 95-105.

McKenna, J.J. (1995). The Potential Benefits of Infant-Parent Co-Sleeping in Relation to SIDS Prevention, by In Torliey O. Rognum, Ed., SIDS in the 90s. Scandinavian Press, 1995.

Evolution and the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Part II: Why Human Infants? Human Nature 1(2).

McKenna, J. J., & Mosko, S. (1990). Evolution and the Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), Part III: Parent-Infant Co-sleeping and Infant Arousal, Human Nature: 1(2).

McKenna, J. J., & Mosko, S. (2001). Mother-Infant Cosleeping: Toward a New Scientific Beginning, in R. Byard and H. Krous, eds., Sudden Infant Death Syndrome: Puzzles, Problems and Possibilities. London: Arnold Publishers.

Infant Arousals During Mother-Infant Bed Sharing: Implications for Infant Sleep and SIDS Research, Pediatrics 100(2): 841-849.

Mosko, S., Richard, C., & McKenna, J. (1997). Maternal Sleep and Arousals During Bedsharing with Infants, Sleep 201(2): 142-150.

Stifter, C.A. & Spinrad, T.L. (2002). The effect of excessive crying on the development of emotion regulation. infantry, 3, 133-152.

Weinraub, M., Bender, R.H., Friedman, S.L., Susman, E.J., Knoke, B., Bradley, R., Houts, R., Williams, J. (2012). Patterns ofdevelopmental change in infants’ nighttime sleep awakenings from 6 through 36 months of age. Developmental Psychology, 48, 1501-1528.

*Note: Many of the links are available for download as articles and in the FAQ section of www.cosleeping.nd.edu, which provides detailed information about the safety of co-sleeping and discusses conflicting opinions on the topic.

Children can get into a state of psychological arousal, so all parents should know how to calm a child during a tantrum. During such periods, babies lose their self-control, begin to scream, cry, bite, fight in mental fits. Adults need to determine the causes of such an excited state, and know how to neutralize it.

A parent cannot always satisfy the desires of a child when he is already beginning to understand the world around him, attract attention to himself, and also annoy adults. There are several reasons for such a nervous state:

It is important to understand how to calm the baby when he has such attacks. If you react incorrectly to such moments, then the child throws tantrums every day for a long time.

How to understand a child who is not yet able to speak?

All novice parents regret that the instruction in the manufacturer's language is not attached to the newborn.

In fact, crying is a kind of language of communication between the baby and the world, because it can be very diverse. Over time, each parent begins to distinguish the intonations with which the baby tries to convey information about what is bothering him. But even if this is a problem, the very presence of crying already says a lot.

When breastfeeding, the baby always responds well to feeding if everything is in order. If he cries and refuses to eat, something definitely hurts him. Maybe it's stomach cramps.

If the cry slowly increases from quiet to loud and demanding, the baby is probably hungry. And if mom also disappeared somewhere, then crying takes on intonations of resentment and despair.

If the crying is not too active, but restless, this usually indicates discomfort. You may need a diaper change. In fact, a baby can scream without a good reason, simply because he is bored, but then it’s not crying, but a cry, usually intermittent and loud, like a call to pay attention to him.

Over time, the little one learns to let his parents know what he needs, so in a few months any mother will become an expert in the types of children's screams, cries that express the whole gamut of human feelings and will know exactly how to calm a newborn baby during a tantrum..

Well, a one-year-old baby is already on the verge of learning the language of his parents.

How is hysteria different from whims

It is important to understand the difference between an excited state and children's whims. In the latter case, the baby is trying to get the forbidden or desired. This leads to the fact that he starts screaming, stomping his feet. That is, he deliberately annoys parents.

But hysteria is involuntary behavior. Children are not able to control their emotions and physical manifestations. There may be convulsions that need to be urgently stopped.

Stages of nervous excitement

Experts note three stages of seizures. It is important to note that ignoring the child can lead to the termination of the excited state.

It should be noted that the causes and condition of the child during a tantrum may differ, it all depends on the type of nervous system.

Hysteria at 2 years of age

Since the baby's emotional system is still underdeveloped, hysterical behavior is the norm, experts say. At this age, the little one already understands the meaning of the words “no”, “no”, “I don’t want to”. With hysterics, he expresses his dissatisfaction with the rules or requests of his parents.

Some parents fulfill all the requirements of the child to calm him down, others ignore, and still others use physical force. To avoid negative consequences, it is necessary to know which reaction is correct.

If it was not possible to stop the attack at the initial stage, you should not scold the baby, and even more so beat, as this will lead to greater excitement. With regular concessions, the little one will quickly learn that adults will always comply with his demands if he starts crying, and will use such methods on a regular basis.

But hitting children in such a state is also impossible. The best option is to ignore the hysterical behavior. The child will understand that his cries and crying do not lead to the desired effect.

During such periods, it is best to hug the baby, say a few gentle words. It is necessary to make him understand that it is impossible and impossible to manipulate adults.

In public places, children try to attract strangers with their behavior so that mom and dad make concessions to him. But it is not recommended to succumb to provocations, otherwise he will always demand to buy the thing he likes. You should not pay attention to the sidelong glances of outsiders who may condemn you and your baby's behavior.

It is enough to wait a little while the little one calms down, after which, calmly talk to him, be sure to find out the cause of the tantrum. This reaction allows you to achieve the desired result.

Nervous state at 3 years of age

At this age, the child's nervous behavior is pronounced. He begins to understand the world around him and learns to express his stubbornness. Experts note that during this period, the baby begins a crisis, and behavior can change every few hours.

The child is trying to anger adults and get away from all compromises. He wants to show his independence. This behavior takes new parents by surprise.

Psychologists say that you do not need to scold the baby so as not to focus his attention on bad moments. The best thing to do is switch his attention. But at the peak of hysterical behavior, this approach is ineffective, since the children's emotions are no longer controlled.

At home, it is recommended to endure screams for a while until the baby calms down, then talk to him, find out the reasons for this behavior. In public places, it is better to take him to where there are fewer people. This will lead to the fact that a small person will be less likely to experience nervous excitement.

Hysteria at 4 years of age

If children continue to scream and cry regularly, then parents should be wary, as this may be the result of improper upbringing. This is how spoiled children often behave - they can be distinguished by the tantrums that accompany any refusal and prohibition. For example, you told your son or daughter that it's time to turn off the cartoons. A well-bred child at this age will protest with words, try to negotiate, and a hysterical one will immediately burst into tears, smashing furniture and walls, screaming. He must understand what is allowed and what is forbidden, otherwise he will achieve what he wants with tears.

Psychologists note that it is required to consult a specialist, with pronounced symptoms:

• frequent bouts of arousal at the psychological level;
• aggressiveness;
• intermittent breathing;
• loss of consciousness;
• begins to cause physical damage to people around;
• older children are susceptible to hysterics;
• the appearance of nightmares;
• chronic fatigue and lethargy;

Neurologists, psychologists will help to cope with such a disease and improve family relationships. To avoid such consequences, it is necessary to take seriously the upbringing of the baby from a young age.

How to calm a child

Initially, adults must decide on the cause, which depends on many factors. During an attack, certain measures must be taken.

The main way out of the situation is the correct response to mental arousal. If the seizures do not go away for a long time, then you should definitely seek medical help.

Parents share experiences

Violet

“We had problems in the family when our second daughter was born. The eldest daughter was two years old, and I have huge to-do lists, plus a nursing baby in my arms. At first she was interested, but then she began to get nervous and throw tantrums over trifles, sometimes for no reason at all. I didn’t even think that such small children could be jealous. I had to take immediate action. For example, I feed the younger one, while I plant the older one nearby. I started talking to her actively, explaining that the baby is very small, she needs our help. As a result, she received an assistant in the face of her eldest daughter, who will give a diaper and a towel, and informs when the baby wakes up. I try to tell the eldest more often how she helps me, my daughter immediately blooms and calms down.

Mom Elena

“I have a problem with dressing. Now my son is in his second year, but we do not like to dress from birth. I tried to stop to play and then continue to dress - it only gets worse. Now I try to do everything quickly, through “I don’t want to”, and then go out into the street. And already there, either he himself is distracted, or I occupy him with something.

Adele

“My daughter is 3.5 years old. One day she woke up in the middle of the night in hysterics. Apparently something had a dream, but at first I was afraid that something hurt her. She sobbed terribly. I rushed to feel sorry for her, to reassure her, I understand that the child is hysterical, but I don’t know what to do. She took me to bed. Then she barely returned. She liked being with me, and as soon as I start to shift it, tears begin. And so for two weeks I struggled with her desire to sleep with me. I sat near her bed and explained that the children should sleep separately, that I love her and do not leave her.

Victoria Fedorova, a child psychologist, shares tips on how to deal with whims and tantrums, and how to comfort a baby when it hurts.

First of all, parents should understand that tantrums are an integral part of growing up a little person, no matter how hard you try, they cannot be completely avoided. If a child is hysterical, there is no need to make a tragedy out of this: an excess of emotions is simply obliged to find a way out.

A whim is a desire to get what adults do not consider it necessary to give him.From the point of view of the parent, the subject of the conflict can be harmful, unnecessary, dangerous, distracting, uncomfortable, untimely, and the like.

But you need to understand that if today you forbade your son or daughter some trifle, and then after screaming and crying you allowed it, then you will continue to receive the same thing incrementally. Only next time he may need something really impossible, and the conflict that you get will, like circles on the water, become more and more. The logic that the child argues will suggest that since you still have not agreed, it means that he is not yet loudly and actively crying and rolling on the floor.Therefore, all parents should remember that the main thing in their behavior is the sequence of actions.

As Dr. Komarovsky said: "If something is impossible today, then it is impossible tomorrow, and with mom, and dad, and grandma."It is important to have a dialogue with children, to discuss what is possible, what is not and why, to explain their actions.Maybe we should not ban something that is not important for adults, but the structure of the bans should be transparent and understandable. When he is clearly aware that whims will not bring the desired result, then he will not start.

When a child is in pain, there is no time for an educational moment. It is necessary to take all measures to reduce pain to a minimum, and then tightly engage in his consciousness.

If the pain is not too long-term, for example, the little one scratched his knee, and you treated the wound, take pity on the baby, let him know that you love him very much. Talk a lot and interestingly, because this is how you divert his attention, and he stops listening to sensations. It would be nice to find an interesting joint activity, in order to be distracted, if possible, you need to fill in the visual range of the child: read a picture book, you can draw, play quiet games, cartoons are also suitable, many children love music. Do something with him that interests him. This is the case when you need to show maximum attention and participation.

If the child is worried about long-term pain, then the same thing should be done, but alternately (if the causes of pain cannot be temporarily eliminated). The presence and participation of loved ones is very important for babies at any age.

Babies also suffer from pain, such as abdominal cramps. Usually during this period, the baby is carried in their arms and warmed with living warmth, pumped, worn in slings.

Prevention

Absolutely all parents face nervous attacks of their children. To avoid negative consequences, you need to know how to stop a tantrum in a child and take preventive measures.

This is a difficult task for all parents. The main thing is to keep calm. If the psyche can no longer stand it, then you need to take a deep breath, and go out for a few minutes in order to lose the baby from sight. After an attack, you need to behave naturally, and not show him that he behaved badly. After a couple of weeks of such preventive measures, the attacks should be reduced.

If nothing helps to achieve a positive effect, then it is recommended to contact the clinic, where they will conduct a professional examination, thanks to which, specialists will determine the cause and help solve problems. Sometimes medication is required.

Folk remedies

It is important to note that only a doctor can prescribe treatment, but he may recommend taking natural sedatives. They are herbal based. Fees help to deal with the problem for a while. In addition, such methods are recommended by specialists for children with an excited nervous system. The prepared products are light, so they will not harm the health of the baby.

It is recommended to consult a medical professional as children may have allergic reactions to certain herbs. Also, certain fees are contraindicated in certain diseases. This must be taken into account and not self-medicate. Below you can find recipes for remedies that are given as examples. The necessary herbs are sold at any pharmacy kiosk.

• Herbal tea for young children. It is necessary to make a collection of wheatgrass, marshmallow, chamomile and licorice, fennel in the ratio: 2:1:2:2:1. Pour 2 tablespoons of the collection with 1 cup of boiling water, then boil over high heat for about 20 minutes. The infusion must be filtered. Take the remedy in a warm form, three times a day before meals. The duration of the course is about 3 weeks. The product can be used at the age of more than 1 year, without allergies to herbs.
• In the same dosage, motherwort infusion is allowed.
• If the infant begins to behave irritably, then it should be bathed in a bath with the addition of coniferous extract. The course of therapy lasts 3 weeks.
• Without the appointment of a pediatrician and other doctors, it is allowed to take homeopathic preparations or which include the amino acids of glycine.
• As prescribed by the doctor, it is recommended to give the baby vitamin complexes, the dose of which must be strictly observed. Otherwise, it can lead to hypervitaminosis. Its consequences also negatively affect the condition of the baby.

It is important to understand that when taking any medicinal and natural remedies, it is required to observe the duration of the course. Stronger funds should not be given to the child on their own, otherwise it can lead to serious consequences.

Hysteria in a child is normal, but with frequent attacks, you need to be alert. The reason may be improper upbringing of children, violation of the daily routine, as well as some diseases. If you can’t deal with such a problem on your own, you don’t need to let it take its course. It is necessary to immediately contact a children's specialist who will help establish family relationships.

There is nothing surprising or supernatural in the fact that a newborn baby cries. Even more: if the baby does not cry at all, then perhaps you should worry. But when the baby screams angrily for several hours in a row, and it doesn’t work to calm him down, then even the most persistent ones lose their nerves: at first, the parental heart breaks from the inability to help the baby, then moms and dads plunge into a state of despair and irritation. Well, how long can this go on?!

Unfortunately, many newborn babies cry languidly and for a long time. There are a huge number of factors that cause the crying of a child disturbing the soul and heart. However, they, in the sense of factors, can often be identified and eliminated, henceforth preventing a repetition of the situation. And this is the first thing to start with if you are faced with such a problem: to find the cause of baby crying.

Why is the baby crying?

Absolutely all pediatricians agree that a newborn baby does not cry just like that, because there is nothing to do. There is always a reason for this, and infant crying is always a baby's signal of trouble and his cry for help in the truest sense of the word.

If we summarize all the probable causes of children's crying, then we can distinguish 3 "basic" ones: hunger, malaise, discomfort.

With the first factor, everything should be more or less clear: the feeling of hunger or thirst forces the baby to “shout” at his mother, expressing his desire. Usually such crying contains a pronounced demanding note.

As for the other two reasons, there are a lot of options when a child cries if he is unwell or if he is ill. Most often, such crying is caused by:

• abdominal pain, colic;
• stomatitis;
• earache;
• headache and other ailments;
• skin contact with moisture, feces;
• irritation of the skin and mucous membranes (including in the mouth);
• heat/cold;
• nervous or emotional overexcitation;
• fatigue, fear, fright;
• need for communication.

So, the algorithm of actions and the answer to the question of how to calm a newborn baby should be clear: find the cause of crying and eliminate it. But it's not always easy...

Find and eliminate the cause of discomfort

It would seem: hungry - feed, cold - dress warmer. But no: the child seems to be full and dry, and should be cheerful, but bursts into screams and tears the mother's heart to pieces!

Understanding what makes a baby suffer so much is sometimes difficult. Some experienced mothers who have already fed more than one cub or are simply very attentive and sensitive to their baby, by their peculiar signs and even the nature of crying, are able to determine what is wrong. If you are having difficulty with this, then here are some tips from the life experiences of other mothers and many years of pediatric practice:

1. If a child cries at approximately the same time (mainly in the evenings), kicks his legs, presses them to his tummy, then he is almost certainly tormented by colic. With colic, crying is sudden, sharp, immediately loud, it can be intermittent (calm down for a while, and then resume) or continuous.
2. Crying after feeding suggests that the child's gastrointestinal tract is not coping well with the digestion of food, or, most likely, that the baby swallowed air during feeding: the tummy was swollen with gases. Try to prevent the baby from swallowing air (make sure that it grabs the nipple correctly), do a massage, put the baby on the tummy (but not immediately after feeding!), Wear it vertically (“column”).
3. When the baby swallows the breast with appetite and immediately, after the first sip, starts with a sharp piercing cry, then inflammation of the middle ear (that is, otitis media) or inflammatory processes in the oral cavity (stomatitis, sore throat) should be suspected. But very often the reason is more harmless: a clogged nose, because of which the baby cannot breathe during feeding. However, in this case, crying also differs “in character”: it is more capricious than painful, as in the first version.
4. If the child was naughty at first for some time and only then really burst into tears, then, most likely, some kind of discomfort became the cause of indignation: a wet diaper, an overflowing diaper, pressing scars or folds on clothes, stuffiness in the room (the child’s face may turn red , sometimes body temperature rises), bright lights or annoying sounds. It is necessary to learn to recognize such whimpers and eliminate the cause of discomfort before the baby bursts into tears.
5. When the baby freezes, he behaves opposite to the previous case: at first he cries loudly, and then more and more “sluggishly” and “lazy”. Often, a frozen baby also begins to hiccup.
6. Crying due to pain during teething is very often accompanied by profuse salivation. In addition, the baby uses every opportunity to scratch his gums (nibbles “everything in a row”), and the behavior of the crumbs will help to tell his mother about this very reason for crying: he pulls his ear, grabs his earlobe, and can even hit him with his palm.
7. In a similar way, babies behave with headaches: they grab their head and hit themselves on the head with their hands. Such pains often occur in newborns with changes in atmospheric pressure.
8. When the child is hungry, his crying becomes prolonged, he can also pull his arms forward.

The child may be disturbed by other factors. But if you notice the development of painful symptoms in him (cough, nasal discharge, fever, diarrhea, etc.), then you need to call a doctor immediately!

In all other cases, start looking for the cause with the most obvious: provide a normal microclimate in the room, eliminate all annoying factors, feed and pay attention. Often, babies cry for this reason, too, because they just want to talk to their mother.

Fight against colic

Since quite a few babies suffer from colic and suffer quite a lot, this issue should be given a little more attention. We recommend that you study this topic separately - more information will only benefit young parents. And within the framework of our topic, we will focus only on the most common and effective methods of dealing with infantile colic:

• Warm. There are many ways to warm a painful tummy: attach the baby to your stomach, put heat on the tummy locally (this can be a heating pad, a diaper ironed with a hot iron or a warm scarf). Even light rubbing with the palm of your hand will warm the area.
• Massage. You can ask a baby masseur or pediatrician to show you some techniques for relieving colic in babies, or find an instructional video online. The simplest and most effective is to give the baby a frog pose by connecting the feet together and spreading the legs bent at the knees. This massage helps a lot: move your palm around the navel clockwise, slightly pressing your hand to the tummy and gradually increasing the diameter of its movement.
• Gymnastics. There are many exercises that contribute to a better discharge of gas: raise the legs bent at the knees to the tummy and gently press them to the stomach, lay the baby in a “frog” position.
• special drink. Talk to your pediatrician about dill or fennel water. Perhaps the doctor will recommend you special drugs that eliminate children's colic and gaziki.
• emotional peace. According to one version, colic occurs more often and more strongly in children of very suspicious mothers. They can also cause various stresses, shocks, fears - try to remove the baby from everything negative. By the way, a common cause of children's crying is the vulnerable nervous system of the child. It is better not to leave such children with a loudly working or brightly flickering TV, do not talk in his presence in raised tones, do not violate the daily routine and try in every possible way to provide him with emotional peace.
• Breast-feeding. Scientifically and practically proven fact that breastfed babies are less likely to suffer from colic and tolerate them more easily. Try to breastfeed your baby for as long as possible.
• Diet. Many foods can cause gas formation in an infant, and therefore a nursing mother should exclude them from the diet. These are cabbage, legumes, radishes, turnips, mushrooms, grapes, apples, pears, etc. Often, babies do not react well to dairy products and fresh pastries.

The best remedy!

Breastfeeding is recognized as the best and most beneficial that a mother can give to her child. It not only provides the baby with ideal nutrition, but also protects against many diseases and soothes better than any other remedy.

Every baby feels good, calm, protected and comfortable under the mother's breast. He feels the smell of her body, warm gentle touches and reliable hugs, soothing bewitching heart rhythm, and also satisfies his physiological need for sucking. Unless the cause of crying is damage to the oral cavity or ear pain, then you will not find the best sedative for a newborn. Don't skimp on intimacy - offer your baby the breast whenever he feels the need for it, regardless of the frequency and duration of attachments.

The Harvey Karp Method - The Five Ps Rule

If for some reason you cannot breastfeed your baby, then you are less fortunate. However, in some way, a pacifier can replace a breast. Holding the baby in her arms and giving him a pacifier, the mother will provide almost the same conditions that were discussed above. If you don't mind a pacifier, then perhaps you share the theory of renowned pediatrician Harvey Karp on how to soothe a newborn baby.

The pediatrician believes that by caring for an infant in a certain way, we can help him adapt to new living conditions and thereby ensure a state of calm and comfort. It occurs in conditions as close as possible to those in which the baby grew and developed inside the mother's womb for 9 months. After birth, his environment changes dramatically, which cannot but leave its marks on the psyche, well-being and behavior of the baby. A child is not born ready for such changes, and therefore Karp calls the first few months of a newborn's life the fourth trimester of pregnancy..

During this time, the child needs to recreate the conditions in which he is used to being and in which he feels good: these are the noises and sounds surrounding him (the beat of the mother's heart, the flow of blood through the veins, the movement of food through the mother's esophagus, etc.), the boundaries that constrain his habitat (the mother's womb is rather cramped and compact), the satisfaction of the sucking reflex, vibration and swaying (which he experiences while walking and moving by his mother).

Therefore, the doctor suggests following the rule of five "P":

1. swaddle newborn;
2. empty do not neglect;
3. wiggle to calm down;
4. habitual sounds also help to calm down and fall asleep;
5. position on the stomach or on the side - the best for the child.

If you like the theory of Dr. Karp, then you should read it in detail.

Calm down yourself

And, of course, the most important thing: if you are trying to calm the child, then, first of all, you need to calm down yourself. No matter how unrealistic this task may seem, while being with a baby, you must be calm and confident. The connection between mother and child lasts long enough, and babies feel very much the state of their mother. If you are excited, frustrated, frightened, depressed, or experiencing any other conflicting feelings, even if you are confused and desperate because of a child's crying, then the child will certainly feel it. Pull yourself together, take life easier and exude love for your child.

Let your baby not cry often and much!

Especially for - Elena Semenova

Every mother knows well how sometimes it is not easy to calm a small child. Modern realities are such that it is easy to cope with children over one and a half to two years old by putting the treasured sweetness or harmful, but such an interesting tablet with cartoons and games into their hands. And what should a mother do if her child is still too young to selflessly plunge into the world of vivid pictures, forgetting about the cause of her frustration?

This article does not talk about those periods of a child's life when his tummy hurts, his teeth grow or he feels bad - these conditions are long-term and, as a rule, cannot be resolved with the help of mother's imagination or improvised means.

But the obvious reasons for the baby's bad mood and whims can be dealt with. There are several effective methods that can be useful and applicable to any infant. Let's see why the baby is crying?

1. The first step is to check the baby's diaper

Few people like to lie with a wet booty for a long time, and certainly no one wants to walk touchingly. If the child has soiled the diaper, it's up to you - just wash it with running water under the tap and put on dry pants.

Sometimes it happens that the diaper is fresh and dry, but the baby still experiences discomfort - it is quite possible that the hard Velcro and the edges of disposable panties rub or squeeze the legs and tummy. In this case, there is a need to check them too, re-gluing them to the desired size.

2. The second important component of a child's calmness is satiety.

Young infants need to consume enough calories from their mother's milk or formula. In the first year of life, the child actively grows, gaining height and weight, every month making such incredible leaps in development that will not occur in the adult period of life for years.

Therefore, it is very important that he receives the necessary food and fluid in a timely manner. For a baby under the age of six months, this need is completely satisfied by breast milk or an adapted milk powder. It makes sense for an older child to offer a choice of delicious baby puree, biscuits soluble in liquid or small dryers, allowed fruits and vegetables. It is possible that the baby will be carried away by the new taste, shape and color of food, stop crying and give mom some time to rest.

3. The next major cause of anxiety can be banal fatigue.

It seems that the diaper is dry, and they were fed recently, but the child still continues to cry angrily, push away his beloved sisya and twist in his mother's arms. If this kind of tantrum is observed, most likely it is just fatigue, and he needs to go to bed.

The psyche of young children is very mobile and gets tired very quickly from a large number of events taking place around, loud noise, bright light, people. Do not forget about the obligatory mode of sleep and rest for the baby!

Each mother sets her child the most optimal regimen that suits both of them. And the most important thing is the regular observance and alternation of hours of sleep, rest and wakefulness. Therefore, if a child is naughty, whimpers, refuses food and favorite toys for no apparent reason, you just need to go to a quiet and dark room, get comfortable and give the baby the opportunity to sleep peacefully.

4. The child is hot

There are children with excessive sweating by nature. It is always difficult for such babies to endure an overly hot summer, especially if the mother cannot resist putting on her child an indispensable pair of socks or a hat so beloved by the people - she will blow it. But, nevertheless, wrapping a child can be quite dangerous.

If an adult's heart beats at a frequency of about 80-85 beats per minute, then a baby's heartbeat can reach 130-160 beats. Accordingly, the blood from the heart through the vessels flows much faster, which makes the child, in principle, always a little hotter. Therefore, if the mother goes too far with the amount of clothing, then she risks overheating the child, which can be fraught with various serious complications.

To prevent this from happening, first of all, if the child is naughty and tries to get out of clothes or diapers, it is worth checking whether he is comfortable enough in the attire chosen by his mother. Sometimes it is enough to take off an extra vest or a pair of socks with a hat so that the baby immediately stops crying and smiles rather.

In the hot season, regular water procedures will not be superfluous. There is no kid who would not like to splash in warm water with fragrant foam and bright entertaining toys.

5. The child may worry and cry if he is cold.

A huge misconception is to determine whether the baby is cold or not by feeling his legs, arms, nose and other parts of the body. Pale and cool heels mean only that the child has normal heat exchange.

At a room temperature of 20 degrees and above, a healthy baby cannot freeze in any way, and for comfort, a thin diaper or blouse with panties is quite enough for him. But if the air temperature is much lower than indicated, you should be guided by the “plus one” rule - put on the child the same clothes as yourself, adding one more on top. This will achieve the optimal temperature minimum for the well-being of the baby.

6. The need for mother's attention can also cause anxiety for the baby.

The terrible stories of grandmothers and second cousins ​​from the category “if you often take a child, you will teach him to handle it” is just a myth. A little man cannot be taught to hands or weaned from them. For almost ten months, the baby was in the womb, in warmth, comfort and peace, protected from all sorts of dangers and external stimuli. After birth, he also needs to maintain this feeling. And yet not a single child in the world has sat in his mother's arms until he comes of age.

Do not be afraid to tie the baby too tightly to yourself, because this is the task of any mother - to give the baby peace, tranquility and protection, to raise him in harmony, love and care. So what, if not tender mother's hands, is able to provide the child with this condition?

Therefore, if a baby lies alone in a crib for too long or crawls on the floor among toys, then he can afford to miss his mother's warm hugs and the soothing beating of her heart a little. To take him in your arms and enjoy a few minutes alone, without being distracted by endless household chores and fuss, is priceless for both mom and her baby.

7. The need to change the environment often makes the child act up, it would seem, for absolutely no reason.

Any person quickly gets bored of being in the same room, area, environment for a long time. Moreover, it can easily bore a small child.

Even if the little man is still too small to be able to move around the rooms on his own, he is still not very pleased to lie in one place and look at all the same toys suspended above him, even worse - at the ceiling. And an older kid gets bored of playing one ball in the perimeter of a small arena or carpet.

For the most harmonious development of the child, he needs to periodically change the situation, change the location. Let the baby alternately lie in his own bed and look at toys on the mobile, then swing in an electric swing, then rest on a developing rug with bright arcs and rattles.

An older child should be able to independently move around the room or even the whole apartment, not limited in space, even if he is not too confident in directing his arms and legs. Of course, for such freedom, it is necessary to ensure proper security by equipping housing with special means of protecting children, whether it be locks on drawers, plugs for sockets, or special corner covers.

If the child has a large field for games and the embodiment of all his fantasies, he will be able to stay alone with himself longer, and the mother will have the opportunity to both redo all her household chores and just relax a little with a cup of tea.

8. Bored toys also sometimes lead the baby to a state of anxiety and upset feelings.

In addition to a change of scenery and room for games, the child also sometimes needs new toys. At the same time, it is absolutely not necessary to run to the store and leave a fabulous amount there to purchase the fifth ball or the tenth rattle.

It will be quite enough to have in the house a certain supply of toys, the most necessary for the development of the child. This amount should be divided into two, and one half should be laid out in places that are visible and accessible to the baby, and the second part should be carefully hidden.

Psychologists recommend changing the exposure in the nursery about once every one and a half to two months. This method will arouse interest in toys in the child, develop his imagination for playing with what he has at the moment, and also greatly save the family budget. Everyone is familiar with the rule “everything new is well forgotten old”. The child will be very happy with the “new” rattle instead of the boring, red bunny instead of the blue one and another, more loudly bouncing ball, which the mother suddenly takes out of the far drawer of the closet with the gesture of a magician.

9. It's amazing, but mom can get bored with the baby too.

In families where dad works all the time and mom does housework, often the child’s communication is limited only to her. To cheer up a depressed baby, you can often go out for a walk to the playgrounds with a large number of mothers and children, invite grandmothers and other relatives to visit you.

Also, playing with an older brother or sister, a neighbor's girl or a friend's son will be a good distraction. Ideally, when the difference between children is from two to five years, in such a situation the older child likes the role of the leader in entertainment, he sets the tone for the game, acts as a teacher in front of a little fool. And the kids, in turn, just love to participate in "adult" ideas, they catch every word of an older friend, his every gesture.

And even the smallest playmate, lying in diapers, will laugh merrily, watching how a two-year-old sister makes funny faces or puts a castle out of cubes. Mom will never be able to, so entertainment for kids is possible - and necessary! - more trust in other children.

- catch a sunbeam on the wall near the crib

Crumple plasticine with your fingers or draw funny blots with paint on paper - ride mom like a horse

Jump on the bed (until dad sees)

Come up with a great many more interesting activities that will help the baby overcome a bad mood, cheer him up and give him and his mother a boost of energy for the whole day!

All these recommendations will help a young mother learn to better understand her child and help him cope with minor whims and discomfort. But the most important advice that can be given to parents is to love your child. Only then will he become the happiest person in the world!

After a year, babies become very capricious. At the same time, some check the boundaries of what is permitted, others assert their territory and power, others ... Every whim has a reason, but we cannot always detect and eliminate it in time. How to calm the child at such a moment? How to prevent endless whims in the future? The answer depends on each specific situation.

Caprice or hysteria?

So, the situation has already "taken place": the baby became capricious. He cries, gets angry, whines, throws toys, protests, and perhaps even bursts into tears, beats his head against the wall or floor, arches involuntarily. Parents have yet to figure out the reasons that cause such behavior of the baby (and it is always an expression of some of his inner suffering), and we will deal with this a little later.

Now the main thing is to correctly respond to children's tears and calm the baby.

To do this, it is important to distinguish between two concepts: whim and hysteria. By external manifestations, they may be similar:

• the child cries a lot, does not calm down for a long time;
• can scream loudly, attracting the attention of others;
• often the baby falls to the floor and beats his head or legs on the floor;
• does not listen to the admonitions of adults;
• expresses a clear protest against all the actions of parents.

However, whim differs from hysteria in that in the second case, the baby loses control over his actions, can reach exhaustion, even convulsions. At this moment, he is not aware of his actions, his nervous system is not subject to him. During a tantrum, the child does not hear what adults are saying to him, and cannot respond to the words. As a rule, a tantrum begins with a slight whim, when the baby shows conscious disobedience, but gradually grows to an uncontrollable state.

We calm the capricious

At the first manifestations of whims, you need to try to divert the attention of the crumbs to something more interesting. At 2 years old, this technique is still quite effective. If this does not help, it is important for parents to remain calm and composure, not to show any reaction to what is happening (although sometimes it is oh so difficult). Otherwise, the hysteria will pass, and the child will have the feeling that with its help you can achieve what you want, because when he cries, but does not yet become hysterical, he carefully observes who has what kind of reaction his “concert” causes. If the mother survived, but the grandmother trembled, in the future the baby will assert itself at her expense.

A whim is much easier to prevent than to stop later. You can try to offer the baby an alternative to what made him whimper (we can’t buy you this airplane now, but we can assemble it at home from your designer), or cheer him up with an unexpected joke, a funny song. In general - switch. Sometimes calm after such measures comes quite quickly.

When the hysteria nevertheless began, there should not be any reaction (and even more negative) from the parents. Now their goal is to rid the diverging child from the audience. If the scene unfolded at home, you can just leave the baby alone for a while, going about your business. If in a crowded place - take him away from people. To calm the baby, who himself is not able to do this, you can put him face to face on his knees, shake, hug; At home, you can turn on the music, arrange a warm bath for the baby.

In any case, it will be possible to talk with the child about the problem only when he completely calms down and is ready to listen and respond.

You can not make attempts to stop the tantrum, shout at the child, threaten, ridicule him, tease, give in to him out of shame in front of others. All this will give the child an indisputable trump card: the performance works!

If, despite all the measures taken, tantrums are repeated, are stormy and protracted, it makes sense to show the baby to a neurologist.

For everyone to sleep well

Many children, after a year, begin to “bumble” before going to bed: they don’t want to interrupt the games, they don’t want to part with their relatives until the morning, they want to dictate their own rules, or they just got overexcited during the day, and now the nervous system cannot calm down.

In the first cases, all the same whims take place, in the latter - an overstrain of the baby's nervous system. But both inevitably lead to the fact that none of the family members can get enough sleep.

You can help your baby calm down before going to bed when overexcited by the following actions.

• All moving, noisy games and entertainment must be stopped at least an hour and a half before bedtime.
• Evening bathing should take place without any games and toys, in warmer water than usual.
• Relaxation will help light stroking massage (about 10-15 minutes).
• Adding soothing herbs (succession, lavender) to bath water is good for calming children at night. You can put a bag with such herbs next to the crumbs on the bed or brew him a children's soothing tea.
• Compliance with the regimen, when laying down occurs strictly at a certain time, also helps the nervous system to rebuild in time and better cope with emotional stress.
• For the same purpose, it is important to always follow the established rituals before going to bed.
• You can tell your baby a calm fairy tale or sing a lullaby - a monotonous voice will help him calm down and relax.
• One of the best "soothing" for toddlers are mother's smell, heartbeat, the feeling of her closeness; therefore, you can, for example, put a baby’s crib next to an adult, or allow him to take his mother’s thing with him to the crib, a toy made by his mother’s hands or bought by her.
• If the evening whims, despite all the measures, still remain a system, you can shift the child’s bedtime by 30-40 minutes - perhaps he just needs to fall asleep a little earlier. This is especially true if every day by the time of laying down the baby shows clear signs of fatigue.

We find out the reasons

When the child completely calms down, you need to calmly and on an equal footing discuss what happened with him. Not scolding, accusing or threatening - after all, the baby was naughty due to the fact that his nervous system was already so bad - but trying to find out what caused the "mutiny on the ship."

The child is still quite small to tell himself clearly and sensibly what is happening. Therefore, show maximum participation, ask in detail, asking many leading questions. Formulate them so that the baby can understand you: do you feel resentment? you're scared? Why? do you have any pain?..

What can cause tantrums?

• Physical suffering. The kid is tired, wants to eat, sleep, is overexcited, something hurts him. He himself cannot formulate this yet, and the nervous system is looking for a way to unload.
• Attention deficit. For example, they play and communicate little with the baby (parents are busy at work or around the house), he feels unnecessary, unloved and abandoned. This can happen even after an illness, if during the illness he was given maximum attention, everyone jumped in front of him “on their hind legs”, trying to fulfill any whim, if only it would be easier for him. And now he wants to "continue the banquet."
• Desire to manipulate elders. This is a direct manifestation of the crisis of the first year of life. The kid seeks to win respect, to force adults to obey themselves, to probe the boundaries of what is permitted. And sometimes the abuse of the attention of adults is caused in the crumbs by an excessive manifestation of the love of others for him.
• Revolt against overprotection. It is important for a kid at this age to establish himself as an independent person. And when his hands are constantly “tied” with total bans, this causes a natural reaction - to do it out of spite.
• The desire to achieve something very important, which parents refuse for reasons that are still difficult for the child to understand (they don’t buy a toy or sweets, they don’t let them go out, etc.).
• Nervous situation in the family: constant scandals, screams, tears, perhaps even violence. In this case, the baby's nervous system is constantly under tremendous stress. The whole world seems to him evil, set against him - so unnecessary and poor. And the best defense, as you know, is an attack, the accessible form of which for a small child is hysteria. In fact, this is an SOS signal!

How to avoid problems in the future?

To correct the situation, it is not enough just to find out what caused the riot. It is important to take steps to prevent it from happening again. And here, sometimes just “one fad” is not enough - you will have to reconsider a lot in the family structure, upbringing methods, behavior, etc. The tips below will help parents with this.

• Spend as much time with your child as possible. And not just "close". Treat him as an equal and show your respect for his personality and needs. Connect to your adult affairs, let him decide what to do with you. So the baby will learn democratic behavior, the ability to find compromises. Play with him more often: in games, the child always feels in charge, so they strengthen his sense of self-worth in the family.
• Do not be afraid to express your love for the baby: words, hugs, care, attention. It is very important for him to feel significant, loved, good for you. The child needs it for full mental and physical development. Do not think that this is how you raise a sissy. On the contrary: a self-confident, self-sufficient, caring, balanced person.
• Think carefully about the atmosphere surrounding the child. Constant conflicts, aggression, scenes of cruelty (not even in your family, but somewhere in the yard) - all this can unsettle the baby. Especially if he has an unstable nervous system and he is very impressionable. Change the situation if possible.
• Show your child equality. From time to time, change roles with the baby: play in the family, but take on the role of a child, and give him the role of an adult. What will happen? The baby will show you your behavior towards him: your manner of upbringing, intonation, system of prohibitions, etc. A very useful activity for an adult is to see yourself through the eyes of your own child.
• Develop a unified system of prohibitions in the family: what dad does not allow, neither mom nor grandmother will allow. This will not give the child room for "psychological experiments." At the same time, the prohibitions should have an understandable causal relationship for the crumbs (this cannot be done, because you will hurt yourself), which does not confirm your totalitarian authority (I said no!), but gives the child an idea of ​​the framework of reasonable and safe. In addition, it is always important that the ban has an alternative: this is impossible, but something is possible. The child must feel that his opinion is taken into account, he is given freedom of choice.

The most important remedy for many children's troubles is mutual understanding with parents. If a trusting relationship can be built, calming down the baby will not be a problem, and he will not have to be capricious. After all, there is nothing to achieve. He is already loved, understood, appreciated, supported, listened to his desires, respected as a person - with his needs and difficulties.

Democratic relations, the ability to build a constructive dialogue with a child and find a compromise is not an easy science. But it gives the child the main feelings in his life. He is needed. His opinion is important. He is good. Does it make sense for such a child to hysteria endlessly?