Timid man: instructions for seduction. What to do if a man is indecisive

A man’s indecisiveness is often the object of condemnation, ridicule, and misunderstanding. It is not a man's fault that he is indecisive. He's just not like most men. It is important to understand that a man suffers from indecision more than a woman, since established stereotypes prescribe a man to be proactive and active.

Cons of Indecisiveness

Indecision sometimes becomes the cause of many disappointments, failures, and unfulfilled opportunities. This feature can manifest itself more often in relationships with people than in work. Sometimes it manifests itself as a certain state, but sometimes the phenomenon is fixed and becomes a personality quality. From the side of decisive people, an indecisive person sometimes looks inferior.

Common reasons for indecisiveness

Quite often, indecision arises:

• due to increased anxiety caused by real life circumstances;
• due to the influence of an overbearing mother or due to a symbiotic (close, dependent) relationship with the mother;
• due to the secondary position of the father in the family;
• previous experience of failure in a relationship or the presence of uncertainty in a relationship;
• due to the type of temperament (usually phlegmatic or melancholic, often people of sanguine or choleric temperament underestimate them and sometimes consider them not very adequate);
• “Hamlet” type of personality (a person has to think for a long time before taking action, he has difficulty making a decision, his behavior is dominated by the habit of thinking, rather than the desire to act;
• due to youthful maximalism, which was not overcome in older age;
• due to the lack of confirmation of the factor of one’s own importance in the eyes of other people;
• habits of being careful;
• natural distrust.

What follows from this

The consequence of self-doubt is:

• low self-esteem;
• unwillingness to take responsibility;
• fear of appearing out of place;
• fear of failure.

All this often leads to other, quite serious life problems.

If a man is indecisive, it is not his fault. When you realize this, you have a chance to make up your mind in one moment and change your attitude towards yourself. This may be the first step in trying to change your behavior and build new relationships with people around you. Accept yourself for who you are. You have the right to be yourself.

Many wonderful but single women do not understand why men are afraid of confident women. It turns out that everything is quite simple, women have well-developed intuition, so they will always see and feel the fear of an indecisive man, and this often repels young people. They seem to be afraid of seeming unmanly and unsure of themselves, and this greatly hurts them.

And yet, only a confident woman knows how to help such an indecisive man. She will always find a way to increase his self-esteem. How?.

A strong woman will make an insecure man bolder

How should you behave with a man who both wants and injects, but is embarrassed (afraid) to overcome the barrier?

The fortress will surrender without a fight...

First of all, you need to make it clear to him that you are not a bastion that needs to be taken by storm. On the contrary, there is a soft and flexible cat, affectionate and sweet, who is weaker than him. And this, in general, will not be a “falsehood”, but the truth, because physically a man is always stronger.

At the same time, there is no need to remember your emotional strength and persistent character. Let it be a surprise :)

White starts and... reaches the final!

Everywhere in literature and films we see that the man makes the first step in a relationship. Believe me, this is not always an axiom. There is nothing to worry about if you take the situation into your tender and fragile hands. An insecure man will be flattered by the attention of a beautiful lady. However, do not frighten him with excessive pressure, a man is a frightened animal!

Hidden opportunities - at the start!

Use facial expressions, gestures, non-verbal techniques. For example, you may accidentally touch his hand with your hand. This natural gesture will tell him that you are in the mood for intimacy, but will not give away how far your dreams go. It's just a friendly touch, but sometimes it starts a rapprochement. Praise can be a great technique. Give him a helping hand in the conversation - start a conversation about himself. For example, about his unusual tie (attention - no ridicule or jokes!) or how great he was at doing “then this,” “this,” or “that.” There can be many options, the main thing is natural behavior.

An ideal occasion for a meeting

Invite him to breakfast! Lunch is too business-like or family-like, dinner hints at intimacy. But breakfast is a wonderful occasion to meet. This is a non-binding meal together; you can visit some cafe or bistro; the deep aroma of coffee will liberate your interlocutor and make your mission easier.

Cards on the table!

Tell us about yourself. You shouldn’t tell your guy about your previous boyfriends, girlfriends, or friends who are “not averse” to you. Better yet, tell him where you studied, what you are doing now, what you love. If you know what your friend does, try to “pull” your biography into his field of activity. This will give him the opportunity to relax in the conversation, because this topic is familiar and understandable.

To victory!

Take action! If you started a relationship with an indecisive man, know that you will often have to take the initiative into your own hands. Moreover, one must pretend that the man himself knew all this or came up with it, but simply did not have time to do it. After all, what man wants to be weak, especially in the presence of a beautiful lady.

Yes, men are often stronger than us physically (although there are exceptions), but psychologically they sometimes turn out to be completely helpless. Special category – .

I respect determined people. When a person can quickly and clearly determine priorities, formulate thoughts and act. Is it really that difficult? It turns out that for some, yes. I myself am sometimes quite indecisive. I can gather my courage for half an hour to finally make an important call. Or get confused in the store, not knowing whether to choose a red dress or your favorite blue one. Or think about it for a month whether to go to Italy or Spain. But, you see, these are minor things. That is, in principle, almost no one suffers from this except myself. And that's not what we're talking about. And we'll talk about men who are extremely indecisive in relationships with women. And often this leads not only to disaster, but changes the lives of both parties...

Natasha was a serious, smart, pretty girl and at the same time very responsive and kind. Her only drawback, according to friends and acquaintances, was her love for Andrei. Completely unrequited, hopeless and very similar to despair. Andrey also knew about this, but, in general, he didn’t care. How Natasha managed to pass her exams brilliantly, have fun with friends and do everything in the world remained a mystery, in my opinion, even to herself. In general, everyone also guessed that Igor was in love with Natasha. Except for Natasha, whose own unrequited feeling prevented her from seeing what was happening right in front of her nose. Once, unable to bear it, I asked Igor why he didn’t take the first step? Why doesn't he tell her about his feelings? “What are you doing?! – he was sincerely surprised. - She’s so unapproachable. Besides, she has Andrei..."

Well, what do you say to this? A few years later, I accidentally met Natasha on the street and we started talking. By that time, she had an unsuccessful marriage behind her. We asked each other about mutual friends. Hearing that Igor had recently gotten married, she sighed: “A good guy...” I cautiously asked if she knew that he was in love with her. It turns out she guessed. And if he had then come to her and told her about it himself... “I probably would have started dating him. In any case, I would try it. And to hell with Andrey,” admitted Natasha. It turns out that Igor’s indecision made not only himself unhappy, but also Natasha...

Sasha and Alena have been married for 8 years. Both are young, successful, and attractive in appearance. In general, a couple suitable for each other in every sense. But despite all this, Sasha is terribly unhappy. No, he never talks about it. But his eyes give him away completely. The way he looks at women with small children, how he rushes to visit his sister and there he eagerly eats borscht, pies and fusses with her two small children. It’s trite, but this adult, successful man doesn’t have the courage to tell his wife that he no longer wants trips to Milan, an expensive tie for his birthday and dinner at an expensive restaurant on the occasion of his next wedding anniversary. He just wants children, pancakes on holidays and family outings on weekends. I feel sorry for him, but at the same time I want to give him a solid slap in the face...

I think there are plenty of such examples around. But this is the result, the result. But what is the reason that men do not dare to say or do something? Maybe the fair half of humanity is also to blame for this? Maybe moms are too much? Maybe we - wives, girlfriends, lovers - are trying to be strong, independent and make decisions ourselves, even when this responsibility should be entrusted to men? What if men become indecisive due to failures in their personal lives? Quite possible. But what to do in this case?..

So, you guess that a friend, colleague, acquaintance, etc. likes you. etc., but due to some reasons unknown to you, he will not dare to take the first step...

Try this step yourself. The main thing is not to scare him with your assertiveness, courage and directness. Use feminine cunning, innocent tricks and be gentle, vulnerable and a little helpless (we are, after all, the weaker sex!). Then he will probably feel more confident and will be freed from painful doubts about the first step.

Your mutual friends may hint to him that everything is not hopeless. No, it’s more likely not even to hint (for some reason men often don’t understand hints), but to say directly that you let it slip. Maybe then it will be easier for him to decide to storm the fortress?

Let him help you with something. There are hundreds of options here. Ask him to take you somewhere, invite you to a cafe, help you buy equipment, etc. and so on. He will feel needed, and if you also praise him unobtrusively, this can give him more confidence.

Encourage him. Did you receive a tiny sign of attention from him? Smile back at him. Did you help with anything? Thank you sincerely. Is he trying to say something? Help him, be attentive and kind.

Perhaps these simple tips may seem too simple and transparent to some. But we already love to dramatize everything, complicate it and, as they say, make mountains out of molehills. But everything is so simple when two people like each other! Help your indecisive man, and then perhaps he will make you the happiest person in the world.

An indecisive man often becomes the object of ridicule, condemnation and misunderstanding. An indecisive man is not to blame for his indecisiveness. He's just not like most men.

Men suffer from indecision more than women, since the established stereotype prescribes a man to be active, proactive and decisive.

Indecision is the cause of many failures, disappointments and unfulfilled opportunities. This feature is more often manifested in relationships with people than in activities. It can manifest itself as a state, or it can take hold and become a personality quality. Often, those who are determined do not understand and do not accept those who are indecisive, they condemn them and even consider them inferior.

The most common reasons for indecisiveness

• increased anxiety caused by real life circumstances;
• an overbearing mother or a symbiotic (very close, dependent) relationship with the mother;
• secondary position in the father's family;
• experience of relationship failures or relationship uncertainty;
• type of temperament (melancholic or phlegmatic; at the same time, people of choleric or sanguine temperament may underestimate them and even consider them not entirely adequate);
• “Hamlet” type of personality (a person thinks for a long time before acting, it is difficult for him to make a decision, his behavior is dominated by the habit of thinking rather than the desire to act);
• youthful maximalism, not outlived in older age;
• lack of confirmation of one's own importance from other people;
• caution or mistrust.

Consequences of self-doubt

• unwillingness to take responsibility;
• low self-esteem;
• fear of being out of place;
• fear of failure.

All this can lead to other, more serious life problems.

What to do for an indecisive man

An indecisive man is not to blame for his indecisiveness. Awareness of this will help you decide to change your attitude towards yourself. And this is the first step towards changing your behavior and building new relationships with people around you.

Accept yourself for who you are. Many women like just such men. Even if someone doesn't like you, you have the right to be yourself.

Practice self-approval. Talk to yourself more often about your strengths, write down all the good things that others say about you.

Be reasonable about the opinions of others. Each of them sees you as he imagines you. In fact, you are not quite like that or not at all like that.

Communicate more often with people who accept you, support you, and believe in you.

Keep a diary of successes, achievements and good deeds, keep it regularly and look at it often.

Take action. Acquire new skills, join a theater club, a confidence training group, play sports, do what you are good at. Look for people who understand and accept you. The British say: if you are lucky, continue, if you are unlucky, continue anyway.

Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself, think over your costume, pose, facial expression. Buy yourself small souvenirs and gifts. Treat yourself like a loved one.

Don't be afraid to be different: you don't have to conform to the established ideas of others about yourself. Change. Look for yourself.

Read humorous literature and laugh.

Take up psychology. You will learn a lot of interesting things about yourself and learn to love yourself.

And most importantly: in order to change yourself, you need to want to be different enough. Draw several portraits (verbal or pictorial) reflecting the stages of approaching this other you. Treat yourself as if you already have the desired qualities, note the cases when you manage to live up to the desired image.

Every woman wants a man with an inner core. Morally strong, purposeful, leader in family and business, a real tiger! Well, what can a notorious and insecure nerd give? Never mind!

But we will give ratings later, when we try to look into the soul of such a modest person. And looking in, we’ll determine how to behave with this shy person with a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks? Is it possible to stir him up at all?

How to understand his inner world

Have you ever had to wash a crystal vase with the thinnest walls? Very painstaking and dangerous work. One careless movement and the vase will be shattered. It is almost impossible to clean it from the inside. And it’s scary to touch the cut - you can damage it. But the vase is terribly expensive.

It’s the same with the soul of a modest silent person. You can’t get inside, don’t touch its weak points, and if you handle it carelessly, you can break it in an instant. She is very thin, despite the external bearish unsociability of her owner.

All indecisive silent people are introverts. It is difficult for such a guy to contact people, he is closed and prefers to live in his own small world. He leaves all his doubts and worries to himself, well, as a last resort, he will tell his closest friend or person he trusts about them.

What such a person cannot stand:

• noisy parties with killer pandemonium;
• working in a large team with hassle;
• getting into his personal space and soul.

No, he doesn’t look like the lone Neanderthal from the cave. He just likes to spend holidays in a narrow circle of close people. And to work, he needs maximum concentration. He also has a clear boundary between strangers and his own people, and he does not like it when it is violated.

Most often, such people are divided into two psychotypes:

Phlegmatic: very balanced, patient and taciturn. No, he is not a mean-spirited beech, he just rather likes to listen to his counterpart and in his mind draw conclusions about him and the situation as a whole. In general, phlegmatic people are pleasant and friendly people - you can trust them, and they know how to keep secrets.

Melancholic: it is more difficult to communicate with him. His vulnerable soul painfully tolerates any criticism addressed to him from a stranger. He, unlike a phlegmatic person, practically does not understand jokes. Even because of a harmless joke, a melancholic person will go looking for a dark corner to cry there alone.

In general, this is the most basic thing you need to know about shy people. And now we will think about how, when communicating with such a person, we will not accidentally break his soul vase. Especially if you liked him or you feel that he is in love with you.

Attitude towards women and getting to know them

Such men avoid nightclubs, discos and do not attend noisy parties. But those who are already ripe for starting a family will look for their woman either on the Internet or hope for a casual acquaintance.

Matchmaking is not for him, since it is a difficult test: realizing that such a meeting is not accidental, the modest man will be ready to burn with shame:

He will turn beet red at any awkward question.

It will be difficult for him to communicate casually and without nervousness.

Indecision will be noticeable in everything, because this is not a bride’s show, but his own. It’s a pity that it’s impossible for him to fall through the ground at this time, but he would like to!

If you want to meet such a guy, then let it be supposedly by chance. Well, a friend ran to her sister’s, or an unmarried girl was invited to the company, because she had no one to celebrate the holiday with.

And if such a modest guy is looking for a girl for himself, then she will definitely be the same as himself. Bitches, fools and hysterics are immediately swept aside. Although the guy feels his inferiority complex, he is not going to complicate his life.

The article contains a video from the film “Where Nophelet Is.” This story clearly shows the type of men who like shy simpletons.

How to communicate with someone like this

Don't try to figure out a shy person during your first conversation or date. In general, you may have the feeling that you are communicating with some kind of abnormal outcast: he seems to be an adult man, but he is so afraid of girls.

The fact is that a shy person really avoids visual contact. Perhaps his complexness is hidden in some external data:

• he is too thin or, conversely, very plump;
• he has speech impediments that are noticeable when speaking;
• he is not as handsome as he would like.

But with all this, he is not prone to self-criticism. Women also have this fad, as in the article in the story about Natalya.

But there are also internal complexes:

He experienced mental trauma as a child: a bad family, struggle with poverty, bullying of teenagers.

He is not as successful, lucky and rich as his peers, no matter how much he strives for it.

He has already been unlucky in love once: once upon a time a girl laughed at his feelings.

Well, now about the essence: how a modest man behaves when talking to a woman and what rules must be followed:

Never ask a shy person about his personal life if you barely know him. There is a limit where he will not let you go. He will either withdraw into himself or answer vaguely and briefly.

Don’t even think about looking closely at him from the top of his head to his shoes. He regards this look as an execution. He is embarrassed, he twitches and will look for a reason to leave. It is enough to casually look into his eyes during a conversation.

Be careful with humor - this may be his weak point. Since vulnerability is in a modest person’s blood, he can take your jokes, even about another person, personally. Even a joke about a bun will offend him if the guy is overweight.

Never try to argue or be rude with him. He cannot respond to rudeness with rudeness - he becomes withdrawn, embarrassed, lost, and feels guilty. If his indecisiveness pisses you off, then why are you even talking to him? This is not the hero of your novel.

Indeed, a timid and unsociable modesty is always only for amateurs. But he also has the right to choose the lady of his heart. He will find her when he is interested in even being silent next to her. But if you desperately need such a guy, then this article will help you with this. Then change yourself for his sake.

Chatting in Internet

This option is the best for a shy guy, but only in correspondence, and not via video. Here it can somehow reveal itself:

• he is not bombarded with piercing glances;
• he can leave the computer at any time;
• no one sees how he blushes and is shy;
• he may not answer uncomfortable questions;
• he can reflect his thoughts in emoticons.

It’s when he sees a girl that he gets shy, but here he’s an invisible man. Even if you sit naked in front of the monitor, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But when meeting, he may again become tense. And this will continue until he lets you through his invisible border.

If he likes you

But until he let you into his circle of trust, he will be stone-faced, even if he is in love with you. Yes, you can only guess about it from his strange behavior, or someone will tell you that the guy changes in your presence. The same redness on the cheeks, the same trembling in the voice. He may even clumsily demonstrate his indifference to you. But this is not so, he just feels both fear and love for you at the same time.

My only big request is not to hurt his soul even more, whether you like him or not. He himself probably doesn’t even dream of a relationship with you, your flight is too high. But in any case, be extremely polite and tactful with such a guy. Let him count on at least a sweet friendship with you.

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. It’s like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You could get any man and have an ideal relationship, and you would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls find ideal relationships and feel loved.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.