The son got excited. What to do if my son wants me: advice from a psychologist. Causes of a teenager's sexual attraction to his mother

I grew up without a father and was very jealous of the boys who were taken from dad's kindergarten. I wanted my dad to pick me up too. But my mother always took me and kissed, kissed ... and at the same time, for some reason, she cried. One day I told my mother: "Mom, where is our dad?" Mom was silent for a long time and said: "He does not want to live with us. He has a different family."
I hated my dad. And I said to my mother: "Mom, don't cry. So I will grow up and marry you ... we don't need such a dad ....".
I fought boys who had fathers... because I was very jealous of them. For my mother, I was everything - she did not refuse me anything ... she spent the last money on my every whim, bought me any toys, no matter what I asked for.
At school, I studied poorly, and my mother did homework with me .. until late at night - she did not sleep and I did not sleep until we solved the problem. And we always slept together - in the same bed. I had my own bed, but for some reason I was often scared alone in my room, and I came to my mother in bed, my mother was so warm, big, soft. And I fell asleep, pressed against her, warmed by her big warm soft body.
I didn't pay attention to the girls in the class. But I was in love with my cousin Lena. She was 5 years older than me. My mother and I often visited their family. She was my mother's brother's daughter and they had a good happy family. I really liked to communicate with my mother's brother - Uncle Seryozha - he explained to me what my mother could not explain to me - even then I was interested in technology. I once said to my mother: "It's a pity that Uncle Seryozha is not our dad." Mom was silent.
Once my mother came home with some uncle, and it was clear that he was drunk. He climbed up to me, thrust some sweets that I did not like ... and then I heard a scream in the kitchen ... it was he who beat my mother ... I began to scream and beat him with a rolling pin: "Don't beat my mother!" And he shoved me with his foot so that I flew off and fell ... and he left. Mom cried for a long time and was covered in blood. And after that, no more uncles came to our house.
Mom became more and more tender with me ... she kissed me for a long time and cried, and I calmed her down. I felt sorry for my mother. Very sorry.
Once, when I was with Uncle Serezha, I watched Lena do her homework ... and she was so funny, concentrated - she was already in the 6th grade ... and suddenly I had an incomprehensible and strong tenderness for her ... I quietly took her face, turned it towards me and kissed her on the lips .. she didn’t push me away, but her eyes widened and she said:
"What are you... finally!?"... and blushed.... and continued to do homework... and I don't know why I kissed her, because I was only 7 years old.
And now I was 12 years old ... and I began to notice that I had pubic hair, and my penis sometimes strained at night ... and stood .. It was new and unusual for me. I noticed that he gets up when I cuddle up with my mother in bed.... it was new and... nice... very nice, but... a little embarrassing. And then one day I had a dream that my mother kisses me, kisses and presses me tightly to her chest .. and I feel good about it, even more pleasant and ... unbearably pleasant ... I woke up .. and felt something sticky .. it spilled onto my mother’s stomach ... she was sleeping .. I didn’t know what to do .. and wiped THIS with the edge of the sheet ... THIS somehow unusual and smelled strongly ...
... I don’t know if my mother noticed it, she didn’t say anything ... but the next night she hugged me tighter and I fell asleep in her arms ... and everything happened again .. but I noticed that my mother did not sleep ... she quietly said in my ear: “So you became a man. This is called sperm and children are born from it ... and you were born from the same”.
For some reason, I felt ashamed and I left my mother in my bed and fell asleep.
In the afternoon, I began to notice that I wanted to play with my penis ... he got up on his own and there was some kind of desire ... strange - this had never happened before ... I jerked my penis with my hand and this pleasant desire increased ... increased even more .... and something rolled up ... huge ... which suddenly, like a flash, covered my whole body with an inexplicable bliss that I had never experienced before, it was such an incomparable pleasure ... and at that time this white liquid - sperm poured out in jerks - it was only a few seconds ... insane bliss ... Then I wilted ... and I was somehow ashamed ... I don’t know why. After that, I lay in bed for a long time and sometimes slept ... during the day. Then the fatigue passed. I was engaged in the sports section, and when I intensively loaded myself physically, the desire to please myself did not arise and I slept long and deep at night. But sometimes I couldn't sleep.. and I jerked myself off under the covers in my room... the seed poured out - and I fell asleep. Once, when I was masturbating ... my mother quietly entered and, putting her hand under the blanket without a word, took my hands gently away from my penis and began to jerk off to me herself ... she did it very skillfully ... I didn’t say a word, and so did she - but this time I was especially pleased when the sperm flowed out ... and I screamed and groaned ... I switched off completely ... It was something amazing ... I remember vaguely that I grabbed and squeezed my mother by her large breasts, when he finished ... Mom did not move away ... she groaned herself ... I did not understand why ....
We didn't discuss it... We lay down, snuggled up to each other and fell asleep... without even wiping off the abundantly spilled sperm.
... After this incident ... my mother often unexpectedly began to come to me at night ... I almost always had a member when I was sleeping ... sometimes all night ... I don’t remember exactly ... somehow vaguely ... because it was in a dream .. But, in my opinion, my mother lit the night light, threw back the blanket and admired my standing member ... very gently and deeper and deeper ... I woke up ... and so it was ... she was not that sucking, but caressing my penis with her mouth and moaning herself at the same time. She let out a lot of saliva and her mouth was soft and gentle... as if the penis fell into a glass of sour cream... I was silent... and only felt great pleasure from what she was doing. The pleasure became more and more unbearable .... "Oh! mother, dear!" I shouted. Then I don’t remember anything ... my whole body was in a spasm of unearthly bliss ... and all the sperm poured into my mother’s mouth in jerks .... I thought that it must be disgusting for her, but when I opened my eyes, I saw on her face an expression of pleasure that I had never seen in her before.
She swallowed everything, as I understood it - and gently stroked my arms, chest, legs, head - and I really needed it after I poured out the sperm, I calmed down from this. And I also wanted to stroke my mother, and I stroked her face, round sloping shoulders, belly .... and kissed her on the lips myself ... I noticed that her lips succumbed to me and went limp and she herself dug into me with a passionate kiss. I have never kissed anyone before .. so .. as it happened with my mother ... this kiss was so sweet ... I felt how she gives herself to me - all ... It was a new feeling, previously unknown to me, and then I was only 13 years old. We clung to each other closely, tightly ... I didn’t understand what was happening to me .. and I felt that my mother had something there - in the lower abdomen - very wet ... and she somehow shrinks there .. I didn’t understand anything then ....
But the next day it was as if none of this had happened. Mom cooked me breakfast, and she went to work, and I went to school. It is interesting that I did not pay any attention to the girls at school - they were simply not interesting to me. They were rude, stupid, vulgar - they all smoked, which disgusted me. It was impossible to talk to them about any topic... only hee hee, yes ha ha, that's all. I began to work out more intensively in the sports section - I brought myself to complete exhaustion with training and I felt that it was getting easier for me .. and I didn’t feel like jerking off during the day when my mother was not at home.
Our nightly meetings with my mother were infrequent .... but there were - about once a week or once every 10 days. I once said to my mother: "Mom .... what is it with you and me .... at night .... well ... you know ...". She just walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek, "Don't think about it... okay?" I said nothing.
...As time went. I am 16 years old. I was in 9th grade. This time at night, my mother came and just sat on my penis, and I felt that tender place where I was born. It was soft, gentle and very pleasant. Mom herself moved up and down ... moaning, she sometimes made rotational movements with her wide hips ... I took her by the sagging breasts, and I was very pleased ... insanely pleased ... I felt that my mother and I were one flesh. No words were needed. I am a part of her body... that once came out of her stomach, and now I'm going in there again... I don't know, with more pleasure for her and myself than during childbirth... probably with more... or maybe not... my mother never told me anything about it....
I didn't hold back... I felt a complete connection with my mother.
She sometimes leaned over and gently, but passionately and greedily kissed me on the lips ... Her lips were large, moist and tender. I gave myself to her and took her myself. I myself began to make movements from the bottom up, sticking my penis deep into her and I felt that he was resting against something in the depths ... And my mother moaned every time this happened. And then I noticed that everything was compressed there, and some kind of wave ran through her organ, which, as it were, swallowed my penis to its full depth, she screamed ... loudly and incoherently .. and let me in there to the end, pressing her stomach against me ... and I ended here ... with great bliss .... We, exhausted, but satisfied, leaned back and lay on the bed next to me, and again my mother stroked me gently and affectionately, calming ... Oh! it was so nice!. And I petted her.
"Mom ... and we are happy with you ..." - I said in a whisper. "Shhhhhhhh!....shut up!" and she kissed me lightly. I have never experienced such bliss and will never experience it again .... I felt that my mother did too.
...... But it all ended very badly ....
my mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer ... she stopped coming to bed with me, began to lose weight, wither ... to be silent .... her eyes grew dim ... and she once said to me:
"Your mommy will be gone soon...I'll die... will you remember me?" - and she stroked my hair, gently - like a mother ... and cried ....
"Mom, you won't die! You will be cured!" "No, dear son, I will die .... there is no cure for cancer yet ... but promise me that you will sometimes remember me ... and ours with you .... she did not finish and cried ".... I also cried and hugged her.
.... She died six months later in the hospital.
And so I was left alone. "Mom, dear, you can't imagine how bad I feel without you! You were everything for me - the whole world ... we had Love with you ... although we never talked about it .... Oh! I only understood what Love is with you...."
.... I live alone... and probably I will remain a bachelor for the rest of my life.
I remember my mother every day .... and cry ........

Hello. I may have a strange problem, not normal. But the fact is, my son wants me. He is 19, he is a student, studying. Sometimes I notice how he masturbates to me when I wash in the bathroom, in the shower. When I notice, he is embarrassed, hiding. I noticed this a long time ago. Of course, I am a young, attractive woman, many men look at me, young guys, but here, after all, my own son! How is it possible! I spoke with him many times, I was shy, but said that he could not help himself, he wanted that. I say, there are many peers, young girls, students and in general, but he is fixated on me. I never gave him a reason, of course! When I sit in a room on an armchair, my legs are visible, he looks at me, everything is burning with desire, I feel it. He comes out of the bathroom, walks naked with me, and does not hide the genitals. I have a husband, but of course I don’t tell him such things, it’s terrible. I was drunk on a holiday, pestered me (son), threw me on the sofa, tried to undress me. Why do I excite him so? This, of course, is pleasant, but it gives not only as a mother, but also as a woman, it turns out. He tells me sometimes, let's make love! But how can I, this is a son! It's some kind of incest!! Worries when I refuse, cries. But I can't have sex with my baby! It doesn't fit in my head! It is not right. He convinces, says that no one will know, but I will know! I can't. He often watches erotica, then he wants us to have the same, as they show in these films, unearthly sex. Tell me, how can I adequately respond to all this? Is my son sick? Does he need the help of a psychiatrist, a sexologist?? I'm confused, I don't know what to do, what to do!

Hello Diana! let's see what's going on:

Sometimes I notice how he masturbates to me when I wash in the bathroom, in the shower. When I notice, he is embarrassed, hiding. I've noticed this for a long time.

I spoke with him many times, I was shy, but said that he could not help himself, he wanted that.

Comes out of the bathroom walks naked with me, and does not hide the genitals.

You show the behavior of a victim of sexual abuse - you KNOW that there is a place for something unnatural in your family, BUT YOU support it - why are you washing while he is watching? why are you silent when he says that he has a desire? all this silence covers him and, accordingly, you - what are YOU afraid of? admit that something is going on? BUT, by doing so, you DO NOT protect it, but contribute to further destruction!

I was drunk on a holiday, molested me (son), threw me on the sofa, tried to undress me.

what happens in the family? WHY DOESN'T YOU KNOW THIS!? after all, the son sees that YOU ALL hide it and accept his behavior!!! be sure to talk to your husband, YOU NEED to resolve the situation, and NOT STAY in it!

He tells me sometimes, let's make love! But how can I, this is a son! It's some kind of incest!! Worries when I refuse, cries.

yes, this is incest, BUT emotionally incest is already happening when he walks naked in front of you, and you KNOW all this and keep quiet!

How can I adequately respond to all this? Is my son sick? Does he need the help of a psychiatrist, a sexologist??

be sure to contact a psychiatrist - perhaps there are violations of attraction (perhaps to a sexologist - this is also a doctor), BUT in order to RESOLVE the situation you need to start talking about it, you need to recognize it, admit that something is happening in the family, in the relationship between you and your son, you and your husband! do not waste time, and do not indulge the development of the situation up to violence on the part of your son by hushing up what is happening!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Hello Diana.

The sexual development of a child begins at an early age, and it is the parents of the child who play a big role in this regard. Their behavior and upbringing will determine whether the child will be able to be sexually mature in the future or whether he will have to face sexual disorders.

After 12 years, there comes a phase of sexual development in which the child begins to experience a real sexual need. Parents cannot but notice the changes in the physical plane of their maturing children, for whom it is important to be able to "flirt" with the opposite sex and receive confirmation of their attractiveness. Here, as at an earlier stage, it is important for parents to remember the boundaries. The anxiety of parents, expressed in puritanical upbringing, stiffness, and also in case of non-observance of boundaries when one of the parents offers the child more emotional intimacy than the one intended for the partner.

It follows that your boundaries are too permeable. You must strengthen them.

I have a husband, but of course I don’t tell him such things, it’s terrible.

In the case when the marriage is strong, the parents love each other, take care of each other's sexual satisfaction, they will make it clear to the child gently, but decisively, that he is "superfluous" here. The child will breathe a sigh of relief and join, i.e. identifies with the parent of the same sex in order to take an example from him and attract the attention of the opposite sex.

Hello Diana. Insecurity, self-acceptance, relationships with your husband. You have dual behavior. Some of you object to your son, others carry hidden encouragement, as you make concessions to him. Therefore, work with a psychologist and start saying a confident and frightening no, after which your son’s attraction to you will disappear. The reason may be in early childhood, when the child often saw you naked. He cannot get acquainted with peers or mature women because of the low self-esteem you have brought up. And with this difficulty it will be important for him to visit a psychologist in the future. And today, show your unambiguous behavior towards his actions, and the problem between you will disappear. And your husband must be threatened without fail.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd

Their small family consists of only two people: herself and her eight-year-old son. The boy grew up without a father and is very close to his mother: for the last four years they have been taking a bath together. First for reasons of saving water and time, and now Deirdre Goodwin sees other reasons:

“When Noah was 4 or 5 years old, he started asking me questions about the differences between boys and girls. I tried to answer according to his age: “These are the body parts of girls, and these are boys.” We discussed what is allowed to touch and what is not. I didn't want him to be ashamed of his naked body.

Now that he has grown up, there are fewer questions, but I try not to make a secret out of it. I see him naked when I help him get dressed, and he sees me changing. He knows that in the presence of other people, my mother wears clothes, and I know that he will follow my example.

Noah loves it when I let him shower with me. Most often this happens when I'm tired at work and I'm about to go to bed at the same time as him. But still, more often he bathes himself: Noah loves water very much and can stay in the bath until the water becomes cold.

A comprehensive upbringing of my son seems very important to me, I believe that he should know what a real female body looks like: with fat folds, stretch marks and other imperfections. So he will respect women and not be ashamed of his own shortcomings.

I don't want Noah's vision of women to be made up of lingerie catalogs, movies, or (eventually) porn. An example for me was Noah's paternal grandmother: she often went undressed in the family circle, including in the presence of her four sons and grandchildren.

My mother is still shocked by the fact that I do not hide my nakedness from my son. She raised two sons and never let them see her naked. Some of my friends also disagree with my opinion, but they understand that I don't care.

I don't sugarcoat reality for my son. When we went to the dentist and Noah asked if it would hurt, I replied that there might be some blood, but then the tooth would stop hurting. The dental assistant was shocked - they do not pronounce the word "blood" in front of children, but call it "tomato juice". Are you seriously? The last thing I want is for Noah to think of blood as tomato juice.

As a single mother, I want to prepare my son for life as well as I can. And I don't want him to be ashamed to ask me any questions, especially when it comes to his body or sexuality. With such topics, he should go to his mother.

3 comments

I think many have noticed that modern society is somewhat different from previous generations. A different upbringing, freedom in everything, emancipation, permissiveness, impunity - these are just some of the terms that can be used to characterize the current rising generation.

Girls, not even girls, 12-13 years old, look older than their age, develop early physically and lead a riotous lifestyle. Federal channels are filled with stories about such girls. Young men of the same age are already deftly versed in technology, they feel free on the Internet, and therefore they can easily crack any password and get absolutely any information that a young inquisitive mind requires.

This is the scourge of our times. Availability and ease of use. It is precisely from the fact that any, even the most taboo topic, can easily get to a person at his most tender age, when the psyche is still being formed and the foundations of morality are being laid, problems arise. Problems with possible consequences in adult life.

Problems of the younger generation

Unfortunately, teenagers have a lot of problems now. At a turning point, a crisis, girls cannot understand which orientation is closer to them. The same problem is with young people. There are all sorts of "minorities" of non-traditional orientation. The lack of fathers in the lives of girls results in the behavior of "Nabokov's Lolitas". Boys have a problem of a sexual nature, the so-called "Oedipus complex". And this is just what is clearly evident. Problems that are acute for parents, and teenagers themselves are trying to find a way out of the current state of their inner world.

Today I would like to talk about such a serious problem as the son's sexual attraction to his mother and one of the possible reasons for this behavior - the so-called "Oedipus complex". The topic is very delicate, but undeniably important. In this article, I would like to consider the causes of this problem and a possible, at least partial, solution. Although in such a case it is foolish to look for answers on the Internet - it would be more correct to make an appointment with a psychologist for an in-person appointment.

What is the Oedipus Complex?

The name of this psychological term originates from the ancient Greek myth of King Oedipus. According to the story, Oedipus, by a strange coincidence, was separated from his parents and raised by other people. Without going into details, Oedipus, who grew up and matured, met with his biological parents, but, without knowing this right away, he killed his father and married his mother. Moreover, they had common children. When the truth was revealed, Oedipus deprived himself of his sight, and his mother and at the same time his wife committed suicide.

If we talk about the concept itself, it was introduced into psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud. It denotes an unconscious or conscious sexual attraction to a parent of the opposite sex and ambivalent (ambivalent) feelings towards a parent of the same sex. In a general sense, the "Oedipus complex" denotes the immanent, corresponding to the bipolar arrangement, the universal unconscious erotic attraction of the child to the parent. This concept is one of the key in psychoanalytic theory. Most often, this complex manifests itself in boys, but it also happens in girls.

Sigmund Freud in his works emphasized that this phenomenon is absolutely normal for young children from 3-5 years old. It is much worse if this problem appears in young men of puberty and persists into adulthood.

Causes of a teenager's sexual attraction to his mother

In this article, we decided to consider the unconventional attitude of the son towards his mother. Let's remember how often you can hear the phrase from a little boy: “Mommy, I will grow up and marry you!” This phrase brings a smile and tears of tenderness. And in infancy, this is really absolutely normal - a little man is being formed, who already now chooses an object for adoration.

And if the hierarchy is not broken in the family, there is a head - a father who respects his mother and is kind with his children, then in the future, at the age of 6 and older, the boy will want to adopt the parent's behavior. But there are situations when the father is not an example for his child, the son tries in every possible way to replace his father, to protect his mother, and in adolescence, what happens happens.

Also, a particularly strong attraction to an older woman, returning to the very beginning of the article, may appear due to the huge amount of information available on television and on the Internet. Now the topic of incest does not cause negativity, but is considered by young people as a completely normal phenomenon. How many films that promote intimacy between a teenager and an experienced woman. This is a whole information war against the unformed psyche.

The constant reproaches of parents can greatly undermine the future man, as a result of which self-esteem is underestimated.

If you do not pay attention to in time, and from the main signs of a misperception of reality, irritability, refusal to communicate with peers, unreasonable aggression and isolation may also appear, there is a chance to get an unsure adult man with children's complexes.

It would be good to consider and solve a problem of this nature even in childhood, explaining to your child that the mother is the father’s woman, but he will definitely have his own, only young. And only when he grows up. Indicate the boundaries: there is a mother, a father, and the child is their child, but in no case is he jealous, who should fight for a woman.

It is important that the intimate life of the parents, even banal kisses (now it is customary to kiss each other even at home, like in the movies) remains behind the screen so that it does not cause irreparable harm to the child's psyche. Your son should not have seen you undressed either then or now - this is useless. It is necessary for the good of your child to try to protect him from unnecessary thoughts and spectacles.

What if my son wants me as a woman? How to help a teenager?

I already wrote that it would be good to immediately turn to a psychologist for a personal communication between a boy and a specialist. A knowledgeable person will be able to get to the very roots of the problem and help deal with it.

But if there is no way to do this in the near future ... First, you need to talk with your son. It is necessary. Remind him that you are his parent, not an available woman. Of course, it's great that you are an ideal for your son, which means that he will look for a girl like you. It's flattering, but nothing more. It is not necessary to explain that he is a separate person and to lock himself up on his mother, sitting by the skirt in the kitchen is not necessary. Secondly, to stop any attempts to get closer (unfortunately, this happens). After a few firm rejections, interest will disappear on its own.

Be your son a friend and comrade, a wise mother. Keep your distance, but give love. Mom should be a safe haven, a person who will always understand, support and forgive.