Conspiracies against quarrels and scandals in the family. Tired of constant scandals in your family? How to prevent family scandals

If Love has not faded away, it copes with trials, it happens that it even ignites, as if from that very spark a flame. When Love leaves, irritation comes, and it is not capable of fighting problems, but can only accumulate them and cool down the “weather in the house.”

I will give a list of “misfortunes” that cause “earthquakes” and “volcanic eruptions” to occur in relationships:

Incorrect distribution of roles in the family.

- Wrong attitude of one of the partners towards the other.

- Differences in outlook on life.

- Sexual crises, disappointments in a partner.

- Interference of the parents of one or both spouses in the affairs of the “children.”

- Addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, chronic infidelity).

- Diseases (mental, incurable physical, mental). The need for all family members to adapt to a bedridden patient or a character who drank away the TV yesterday.

- The struggle for power and dominance in the family.

- Communication problems in general (mistrust, fear, lack of intimacy and frankness).

A couple meets, “grinding in” begins, each shows his “presentation video”, tells who he is, what he likes and what he doesn’t like. Expresses his needs and hopes, asks questions, important and not so important.

Have you ever heard a person entering into a romantic relationship say: “Over time, I will develop such and such disgusting traits, I will begin to get fat, gradually become an alcoholic and beat you up viciously?” No! Nobody ever! The desire to be liked in the initial period is maintained in all situations. This is the period of celebration of the peacock!

At the beginning of a relationship, unwanted manifestations in the behavior of a loved one cause a slight chill of discontent, and as it rolls down the mountain of time, the cold lump turns into a thundering avalanche. The first disappointment befalls us when we begin to understand that Heaven gave love as a gift, and it gives love on credit. And in order to develop it further into the relationship between spouses and parents, you need to endlessly invest money, time, health, money, heart, soul, feelings, attention and affection...

Here she is, FIRST REASON quarrels between lovers: as a rule, the one who loves more in “Spring” is stingy with all of the above.

“In the summer,” he also becomes the “author” of claims and reproaches at the height of relationships, at the peak of passions. In the difficult “Autumn Times of Love,” the initiative passes to the one who is having a harder time in the relationship, and reproaches and dissatisfaction begin to pour in from him. He feels that in “Winter” he is destined to be left alone, and thus begins to protest.

After a divorce, during the “Winter Cold” period, resentment settles in the soul of the abandoned person that even that little warmth and attention was taken away from him, which, perhaps, was underestimated at a time when something could still be corrected.

Again, “What we have, we don’t keep”... And here the best solution is to decisively remove marketing from relationships, stop the flow of “mutual pains, troubles and insults” and remember the saying of the sages: “There is no better friend than a wife,” and give everything, and a little more, until one “breathes” in the direction of this person. Love will not turn into hatred if we are able to wake up and see that it is time to immediately stop the “fountain” of reproaches and accusations.

Insults and scandals are a disastrous ground for self-affirmation! In the desire to “drown” another, a person does not see how he himself is drowning! This is a war without a winner. Someone will say that troubles and misfortunes in the family come from the wrong choice of a partner. But there are no completely wrong choices, because some qualities in a partner suit us, but not all of them irritate us.

THE SECOND REASON quarrels: a question of leadership in a couple. If lovers are happy, then they are inferior to each other, they have nothing to share and there is no reason to “puff out their cheeks.” Everyone is the “main” in something of their own, irreplaceable and unique.

Closer to the middle phase of marriage, a revaluation of each other suddenly begins, misunderstanding sets in, dissatisfaction with the partner occurs, the ability to “hear” each other disappears, and the inability to reach an agreement. There is already a full-fledged crisis in family relationships. And now one flaunts his opinion as a flag, and the other condescendingly, as “wiser,” agrees to concessions, “just to keep it quiet.” Compromise is no longer the goal, consensus in opinions is still possible, but more often, as I already said, one of the two consciously makes concessions, driving the problem into a chronic state...

Demands, claims and reproaches, ultimatums, sobs and screams are the main manifestations of the “Autumn of Love”. And then our cultivated plant, instead of juicy and tasty fruit, produces the seed of discord. He and she begin to find out: who slept more, who was more tired, who had the main responsibilities, who achieved more in life. Until one suppresses the other with his dominance, there will be no satisfaction from victory over a partner. It becomes more difficult for those who have a greater need for love, for whom it is more important to preserve the relationship. That is why he gives in more often.

The ancients said: “A truly loving person does not strive for power; a flawed and calculating person strives for it.” As long as there is tenderness and feelings, someone alone is in the lead and there are always fewer conflicts. This happens at the beginning of any relationship. In harmoniously developed feelings, a floating or flexible system of relationships usually develops.

Closer to the “cold season in Love,” there are fewer and fewer concessions, and more and more complaints.

THIRD REASON quarrels: not the least place in the conflicts is occupied by the rather prosaic topic of the Family Budget. Everyone understands that money is fertilizer for our growth. They require a prudent attitude and control. In a family, it is necessary to regulate income and expenses, and how this happens is in many ways an indicator of family relationships.

Typically, couples choose joint, shared and separate budget types. But what if you take the trouble and try to combine all these types by creating three different piles of money in different places?

The first pile of money is a joint wallet, each of the couple takes part in replenishing it, and decisions are made jointly on how to spend the money. It is very convenient for people with the same earnings or families where one is dependent (even fifty years ago no one would even have thought that it could be a man, but nowadays, alas, this no longer sounds so shocking, and many the usual norms have ceased to be unshakable!). And yet, more often than not, the wife does not work.

Having a common wallet eliminates the need to explain every time why exactly this amount is needed for the household. This also protects her from thinking about the topic: “again he did not give money for the needs of the family, for paying for utilities, for the doctor and for the child’s teachers. Is he greedy or inconsiderate, insensitive or sadistic? So, there is no need for huge amounts of money in a joint wallet. There may be a piece of paper and a pencil with which to record the amount taken by each person. The child can take the money from there, making sure to report on what it was spent on. Such openness prevents many parents from blatantly and unaccountably “borrowing” from their own wallets.

So we smoothly move on to the second pile of money, distributed among “individual pockets.” Does a non-working family member (woman or child) need to allocate funds for living? Need to. Payment for mobile phone, breakfast, travel - all this is considered and issued for the week. This approach allows the dependent to learn how to properly manage funds and not require daily subsidies.

If you don’t like something, save money or go to work! Only in this case, the “stash” of saved funds does not turn into a serious deception, that is, it is personal money, and not hidden to the detriment of the family. When the earner is no longer appreciated, thanked, asked for or praised, the “money toad” comes to him. It seems dishonest to the breadwinner that he gives every penny to the family, trying to be open and honest. And if his contribution to the family budget begins to be taken for granted, he may begin to take offense. And there is also a completely indecent situation when the idle people at home also manage to reproach them - they say, he could have brought more!

In order not to bring the situation to such an absurdity or to establish rules for spending funds, all these points should be discussed in advance and not hushed up. Joint decisions related to spending and storing funds are an indicator that the spouses do not manage finances.

The third pile is the family piggy bank. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a bank account or a safe deposit box, a home safe or a plastic bag taped behind a picture - the main thing is that “we are all saving money together!” It could be a house, a car, or someone’s education, or even a “rainy day” - it doesn’t matter. It is important that “we” and that “together”!

An amicable solution is a good indicator of the solution to a financial issue in the family, and blackmail with money is the desire to suppress, solve one’s problems and complexes at the expense of a loved one.

FOURTH REASON to sort things out - non-compliance with moral principles. Couples are often destroyed due to violations of marital fidelity and family ethics. This point is always a reason for scandal and rebellion. Only in “Winter,” when there is nothing else to swear about, does everyone involved in the divorce see the pointlessness of claims and excuses. This also includes emerging hostile feelings - hatred, dissatisfaction, irritation, often due to the contradictory nature of a person’s feelings. When you are dissatisfied with your partner, you find reasons to find fault in everything. Everything irritates: manners, behavior in everyday life, character traits, personality traits. “You’re not standing like this, you’re not lying here!”

At the beginning of a relationship, usually one of the couple distances themselves, takes time to “lose steam,” and when living together for a long time, problems of psychological compatibility creep out like cockroaches on a blank sheet of paper. One behaves negatively, the other also “grows” hostility in himself.

I can recommend an attitude to control your own emotions and irritation. It is important to learn to accept your spouse’s personality traits as an objective reality, to understand that much cannot be changed. I recommend that at the very beginning of the relationship you take a close look at your future marriage partner, and after the wedding close your eyes to many things.

"No! Never!" - the main slogan of wives and husbands in the “Autumn Season of Love.” The desire to contradict and object is a beacon suggesting that love is leaving. It is important to consciously maintain the desire for unity.

Hot anger, cold anger, restrained anger - everything is bad. Try to both “hold your tongue,” “bite your lip,” take water into your mouth, and count to ten or one hundred. I recommend that you clarify every time what made you angry, and ask what exactly the noisemaker wants.

REASON FIFTH: Two loving people may have conflict under stress due to differences in needs and attitudes towards life. Achievements in the profession and career growth do not guarantee success in your personal life. I will say more: more often than not, it is career growth that alienates lovers from each other! So in this regard, you should be very careful and attentive, “not forget,” as they used to say.

Dealing with common problems together and remaining polite is very difficult. The most difficult thing is to find commonality in the differences, that which connects and unites. Those who have not quarreled do not need to reconcile. Agree that you will not swear, that there will be no screams or conversations at high decibels in your house. If your loved one does what he promised after five reminders, if he forgets about holidays and your dates and all the homework rests entirely on your shoulders, and his life goes according to your orders - say OUT LOUD that you need help. Let him know that without his opinion and desire it will be very difficult for you! Otherwise, you risk soon turning into a “commander in a skirt” or a “baby-woman.” Distribute responsibility in advance, agree “on shore”!

SIXTH REASON FOR DISCOVERY: vain expectations. Irritation and resentment come when your partner does not do what you would like. He will certainly voice his complaints. Children at psychological appointments often complain that their parents shout at them and insult them in irritation. And in the human psyche, over time, the so-called “reading” occurs, that is, the essence of the conversation and its reason disappears, leaving forever in memory only a scream and a face twisted with anger.

If you need something special, if you need to be understood this way and not otherwise, you should talk about it precisely and directly, without forcing your partner to make guesses. Tell him what you exactly want. If he does not listen to your words, then look for other ways to present information, think about the reasons, ask yourself questions and answer them. For example, tell him: “I want to talk because it’s very important” or demand that he listen to himself. Does he ignore problematic situations? Doesn't want to fulfill his obligations? Don't feel sorry for yourself all the time by continuing to be inactive. Don’t throw around impossible threats, don’t throw mud at him. If your words and actions do not lead to the desired result, then begin to look at it, or rather, at your life differently: will it go with Him or without Him?

REASON SEVEN: insults and insults. Express your feelings rather than suppress them. If you insulted me, sit down and cry. Say that you are offended by jokes about weight and name calling. You need to make it clear to your loved one how his words and actions affect your self-awareness. “Don’t put me below the plinth! Your words are very unpleasant to me,” “Did you at least get pleasure from the fact that you casually offended me again?”

When you want to make peace, it is important that both are satisfied with the outcome of the reconciliation. One will give in to end the showdown in the house. He will remain silent, but the cause of the conflict will not go away! It will still emerge someday in the form of a very unusual scandal (we don’t expect a loud expression of will from the “quiet” ones!) and even divorce! You cannot put pressure on your partner’s conscience or emotions, raise your voice, or refuse to listen. The most important task is to come to an agreement with yourself and understand: “It won’t always be the way I want!” If one is silent, the other may be mistaken in believing that silence is a sign of consent.

There is no need to consider who was more right. Remove the words “never” and “always” from your vocabulary (especially during “showdowns”). Say: “You don’t have to solve this problem now, but I ask you to listen to me, I think the decision needs to be made together.” Don’t be shy to admit that you’re wrong if you’re unfairly accused; tell him: “I’m sorry, I’m ashamed, you’re right, this is my oversight.” People with a positive self-image are not inclined to demonstrate their superiority and do not try to hurt or humiliate others. The stereotypical attitude of partners “this is how it should be” often underlies misunderstandings and dissatisfaction with each other.

There are Women who are confident that they must remain proud, intransigent and cold. Do not lose your dignity, do not show participation or interest in any situation. Even if the husband is not happy with his success, he has reduced his sex activity or (God forbid!) funding.

She sees herself above “world problems”, she is beyond everyday life and everything worldly! She is a mysterious Stranger - “breathing spirits and mists...”, woven from dreams. She is a gift, a flower that needs to be cherished and cherished! And of this, she is convinced, is the main goal of a man’s life, that is, to serve and please her, blindly bowing in endless admiration, and she will condescendingly accept these honors, since she is sure that she was born only for them. And she doesn’t need to know all the affairs and other “baseness” of the material world - let... this... what’s his name? Husband…

And then one day this “what’s his name?... husband” gets tired of keeping an ice doll - he simply goes to a normal earthly woman and finds his normal human happiness even in the way his chosen one looks at him, joyfully eating freshly prepared cabbage soup.

We thank the IG “AST” for providing an excerpt from Natalia Tolstaya’s book “Love: from dusk to dawn. Resurrection of feelings".

Family scandals do not appear out of nowhere. Most often, behind minor causes of minor domestic quarrels there are serious mutual grievances and misunderstandings. It is unlikely that you will be able to completely avoid family scandals, but you can and should learn to reduce the intensity of passions and their consequences.

How to avoid scandals in the family

How to avoid a scandal with your family

Quarrels in the family, unfortunately, are not uncommon. Often behind them there is unsettled life or a generational conflict when adult children live together with their parents. Two housewives (mother and daughter) cannot get along in the kitchen, and father and son-in-law cannot divide the territory and spheres of influence.

There is no universal recipe for how to avoid scandals in the family, but knowing a few tricks, you can extinguish the flame of an incipient quarrel with your family before love, respect and mutual understanding burn out.

• Make concessions in small things, but stand your ground in big decisions.
• Weigh every word you want to say when you are irritated, tired or angry.
• If it is possible to get away from the source of the scandal, do so. Go out to the kitchen, balcony, or another room - you will save a lot of nerve cells and energy.

These simple truths help those who want to live calmly and peacefully with family members. Try it too

How to avoid a scandal with your husband

Quarrels with your husband sometimes lead to a showdown and are even needed to shake things up and revive old feelings. However, if this happens often, you need to think about who and under what conditions becomes the instigator of scandals - you or your husband? On what front are your battles taking place: everyday life, material problems, children and upbringing, or maybe jealousy? When the reason is determined, it is easier to understand yourself and relationships.

Family well-being rests on three pillars:

• respect and love;
• understanding;
• empathy (a term in psychology denoting the ability to empathize, sympathize, and put oneself in the place of another).

Material difficulties, everyday life and other family troubles can be overcome if you respect each other’s opinions, sympathize and compromise with both spouses.

Many people believe that scandals arise by themselves, spontaneously, and nothing can be done to stop them. To learn to avoid conflicts with your loved one, you need to work a lot together on this problem. Ten rules for preventing scandals between two loving people will help you understand the complex mental processes that are the cause of inharmonious relationships in the family.

1. Reasons

There are a huge number of reasons for scandals between two spouses. The most common of them are scandals due to jealousy, scandals over money, scandals due to drunkenness, because of work, because of sex, because of intentionally caused insults, and others. Depending on the reasons why you are used to sorting things out every time and talking to each other in a raised voice, you need to figure out how to stop the conflict and agree on how not to start it again. It is quite easy to formulate the reasons for the scandal on your own. Anyone can understand that you are fighting out of jealousy if the scandal started because of a lipstick stain on his shirt. It is more difficult to determine the deeper causes of scandals that are hidden in the psyche of your partner and speak about mental reactions and inclinations.

All causes of scandals should be divided into primary (deeper psychological causes) and secondary, that is, those that are directly related to the topic of the scandal. It is safe to say that all the primary causes of conflicts are selfish, since a non-selfish person thinks more rationally and finds ways to resolve all issues, taking into account the opinions and interests of the partner, and therefore predicts any situation and does not lead it to open conflict. Hidden selfish reasons include the habit of making scandals as a way to achieve one’s goals. Also, the most common hidden reason for many scandals may be the desire to dominate a partner, when the second partner during communication tries to take a dominant position, and if this cannot be done peacefully, then he switches to communicating on emotions. The hidden cause of scandals can also be revenge, as an attempt to start a quarrel over some offense.

Usually, if a partner makes scandals out of habit, he does not achieve anything after the end of the scandal, but simply periodically creates scandals on various occasions with the conviction that if a scandal is not created over any problem, then the problems will increase. The wife, who is scandalous out of habit, has been scolding her drunken husband every time for many years simply because of the incident. She believes that if she does not scold him, he will drink even more. That is, the scandal in this case, according to its initiator, is a deterrent to big problems. A girl or guy who argues out of habit because of jealousy will never miss a single occasion when there is an opportunity to express their dissatisfaction with their partner’s behavior in society. This happens because these types of conflicts are not created intentionally, that is, they arise on their own as a result of strong emotional resentment, the reaction to which is difficult to contain, just as it is difficult for a child to restrain his tears when he is deprived of his favorite toy.

Scandals are deliberately created to achieve certain goals. For example, if a spouse asks to buy her a fur coat, and the husband refuses to do this, the woman throws a tantrum, the ending of which should be the husband’s agreement to fulfill her demand. Usually, the one who starts this type of quarrel successfully achieved all his goals with the help of screams and hysterics, and this way of resolving issues became a habit and became the main tool for achieving results. This type of habit of conflict differs from the previous type of habit of arguing without results, but for the sake of indignation itself, in that in this case there is a goal and an expected outcome of the conflict. Often such conflicts occur with the use of blackmail, threats and even assault.

Scandals created by partners in order to show “who’s boss” are usually not as specific as the previous ones and concern issues of the partners’ general behavior and lifestyle. During such quarrels, both spouses begin to go through all the cases when their other half behaved incorrectly, point out each other's long-standing mistakes, shortcomings and information from the past that is compromising them. An example of this type of scandal could be the wife’s dissatisfaction with the fact that the husband is resolving with his mother the issues that he should resolve with his wife. The wife will quite logically claim the primacy of her voice in family affairs, that is, she will fight for dominance. Such scandals more often than others lead to proposals to separate, get divorced, and start looking for new partners.

2. What to do?

If you really decide to put an end to scandals, you need to be patient and prepare for quite a long and painstaking work, since you will have to change your habits developed over the years and the habits of your partner, which are enshrined in the mind as ways of self-realization. All thoughts that you can simply suppress the desire to argue about various problems must be discarded, and forget that this problem can be solved easily. It is best to solve it together, but the main thing is not to create another scandal by trying to solve the problem with scandals.

Different causes of scandals require different approaches to eradicate them, so it is necessary first of all to correctly identify the hidden causes of quarrels between you. Secondly, during the next showdown, you need to try not to get carried away by emotions and claims, but to reflect on how your quarrel usually develops. Try to notice and analyze who most often initiates the conflict, how the quarrel begins, to what degree of tension it reaches and how it ends. Try to feel the state of your consciousness during the scandal. Try to understand whether you can end it at any moment, and for example, suddenly start kissing, or whether your brain enters such a state that it cannot stop until it spills out all the emotions, and the partner at such moments is unpleasant or even disgusting to him.

The brain acts independently, and during a scandal it is difficult to keep it from aggravating relations, since it quickly finds the necessary arguments to parry the partner’s remarks, activates strong-willed qualities, and at the moment of resentment, forgets and considers everything that happened between you before to be unimportant. In emotional outbursts, he may not skimp on insults even towards very dear and close people, commit meanness and rash acts, and so on. When a person comes to his senses after such violent scandals, he sometimes finds it hard to believe that this happened to him. Of course, it is best to learn to control your consciousness and, by intuition, stop it at the moments when it starts up for another indignation and conflict. In this case, you need to learn to control your consciousness and try to manipulate your beliefs.

For example, if your husband refuses to look for a new job and decides to work at an enterprise where he is paid a salary that does not suit you. In such cases, the wife, convinced that there is not enough money and she needs to force her husband to go to another job, starts another scandal on this topic. The driving force behind such a scandal is the belief that a quality life can be found where there is a lot of money, and a woman’s dreams about how this money can be spent. Often such beliefs and dreams are associated with the impression that these imaginary purchases are one step away, and the main thing is that all these purchases are more important than anything else in the world and without them life practically loses its meaning. Here you can try to look at the problem differently and convince yourself that many people feel great without any purchases, that they can be made gradually and not in the near future, but a little later. One can imagine that there might not have been any highly paid work at all, and in that case there would have been no reason for scandals. This manipulation of the brain's beliefs can help get rid of the obsession with getting everything as much as possible and as soon as possible.

If you can’t master your consciousness and just restrain yourself and you can’t convince yourself, you can try to take your brain out of its habitual reactions by replacing some habits with others. For example, if your wife is used to achieving her goals through scandals, you need to stop this practice forever and together develop the habit of achieving goals in other ways. For example, tell her that if she starts a scandal, she will definitely not achieve anything. After several failed attempts to achieve something through a scandal, she will most likely understand that this method no longer works, at least with you. You can agree together, instead of achieving goals through swearing, try, for example, to achieve them through sex or something that the second partner most desires. Such a compromise can help each partner get what he wants.

You can try to get rid of the habit of scandals in the family by showing your partner that his scandals lead to nothing, but are simply part of the general way of life. Start marking on your calendar all the days when you fight and why. Talk about whether scandals help you solve the problems you are trying to solve with them. Agree to punish the partner who decides to cause a scandal next time. For example, you can punish him by depriving him of money to buy something he is interested in. You can agree to make love whenever it comes to conflict. One of the most effective means of dealing with constant squabbles is a method in which partners agree to fulfill each other’s demands without waiting for pressure and emotions. For example, if your spouse demands that you not drink alcohol, your spouse should stop doing so. Indeed, it is difficult to fight scandals by constantly fueling them with your behavior, so experts recommend reducing conflicts by reducing those actions that cause resentment of your partner.

With scandals related to finding out “who is in charge in the family” and whose decisions are decisive, you need to work a little differently. If you argue in such a way that no one gives in to anyone, then you can establish a priority in this matter, and then both partners will give in to each other in conflicts in turn. It will gradually become clear that in most cases, it doesn’t matter who makes the decision, but scandals occur because both spouses are simply accustomed to fighting for dominance and simply do not know how to control themselves and control their thinking and emotions.

It should be said that scandals due to jealousy in cases where partners are not really cheating on each other and are not looking for adventures on the side are normal, and it is not at all necessary to get rid of them. It doesn’t matter for what reason your other half is jealous of everyone, it is important that the very fact that the brain is worried about this indicates that her brain is focused on your person, who is of the highest interest to him. Such strong attachment and dependence is a great success, and it is stupid to fight the feelings of a partner who loves you as much as perhaps no one will ever love you.

If your conflicts arise from mutual insults, revenge or irritation, then there is only one way to stop them - simply stop insulting each other, taking revenge and getting irritated. Such behavior is directly related to the natural savagery of the brain, which, being at a certain stage of evolution and possessing a certain set of individual properties, sometimes gives out uncivilized desires. Children at school are constantly in conflict, fighting, calling each other names, because they do not have clear beliefs about their behavior, have no experience in resolving ethical situations, and do not have the skills to manage their emotions. When children become adults, they compete and sort things out without insulting and humiliating others. This is called growing up. That is, if you do not compliment each other, but insult and humiliate each other, then you just need to grow up.

3. Conclusion

Scandals in the family sometimes reduce relationships to constant squabbles on every issue, discontent and reproaches. In such conditions, it becomes increasingly difficult for each of the partners to understand each other, it is more difficult to communicate, and as a result, the spouses avoid communicating with each other. Scandals in the family are often the main hidden cause of drunkenness, problems in sex life, health problems, as well as the cause of infidelity and divorce. The brain tends to aggravate the situation so intensely during scandals that stopping them requires the help not of a specialist psychologist, but of the police. It is not advisable to leave the issue of scandals unattended.

15.12.2014
R. Efremov
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What to do if there are constant scandals in the family? Does this mean that the relationship has no future? Or is it possible to find ways of a truce?

Quarrels are different, as are the reasons why they arise. But most often quarrels begin in the family due to the banal fatigue of the spouses. Quarrels due to emotional burnout. It is quite difficult to recognize such fatigue, since it is not just physical fatigue, it is also accumulated dissatisfaction. How? Anything! Work, health, husband, finally! Emotional burnout acts like a ticking time bomb. Drop by drop it fills the vessel of our patience, and then once, it overflows.

And then a harmless remark from a husband or one of his phrases can turn into a tsunami, a storm, a hurricane against him. Most often, we lash out at someone who is next to us at moments when we can relax, take off all our masks and be ourselves again. Therefore, the husband is constantly under fire. What to do if there are quarrels in the family due to emotional burnout? Eliminate the cause, not the effect. To understand what this means, let's take a closer look at the possible causes of burnout:

1. An unloved job where you have to spend a lot of effort. And not only physical, but also mental. What does it mean? That a woman takes energy from her personal reserves. And she needs these reserves for other areas of her life: for her health, for her husband, for herself. And the main leak goes to work. The boss requires it or the circumstances are such. And then she returns home “on the suspense.” There is nowhere to recharge on the road, because to recharge you need rest, a favorite activity, a hobby. And sitting in a crowded minibus or driving your car, but constantly getting stuck in traffic jams, somehow you can’t recharge. And so, tired, she comes home, and there she is greeted by unwashed dishes or a drunken husband. To accept this situation, you also need energy! And she is no longer there. Therefore, any minor reason, and a woman starts a quarrel or even a scandal.

2. Health status. When something is not right with your well-being, it is always exhausting. And accordingly it takes strength and energy. And then even your beloved husband can begin to irritate you. What to do if there are constant scandals in the family precisely because of health conditions? Of course, you should definitely see a doctor, but besides this, think about what your body wants to tell you? What does he want to reach? About 80% of all diseases are our body's way of communicating with us. Therefore, sometimes it is enough to simply change your behavior in a certain situation or attitude towards it, and then the disease recedes. Try to control yourself and not waste your remaining energy trying to sort out your relationship with your husband; it’s better to spend it on.

3. Dissatisfaction with life. This is the longest path to emotional burnout, since this same dissatisfaction does not arise after a week, month or even a year. It can ripen for a very long time, slowly affecting your mood. You may simply feel that something is wrong. That you are not happy with your life, and why you may not even realize it. When you finally realize, this will be a milestone, after which the energy will begin to flow away with even greater force. Because understanding that you are living in vain and continuing to live like this requires great strength. Breakdowns, by the way, occur according to the same pattern, and it is the husband who is constantly under attack. Therefore, you still need to change what does not satisfy you and as soon as possible, since your family relationships are already under threat.

4. Husband. This is the most difficult and even dangerous option. If your husband is not happy with something and you remain silent, then you are setting off a time bomb with your own hands. Resentment towards a loved one is at first acute, then develops into chronic. And then all your husband’s efforts to please you, all his gifts and compliments will be crushed against this bag of your grievances. Who will you make worse by this? To yourself and your husband, and your relationship. Dissatisfaction with your husband also takes a lot of energy, and it becomes a vicious circle, from which it is difficult to get out alone. What to do if there are constant scandals in the family precisely because the husband is to blame? Don't be silent! Talk about your pain, resentment, suspicions. Talk about your feelings! This will be fair to him, to your union.

A scandal in the family is not only stories from the yellow press about the lives of celebrities or very important people, but also a routine for ordinary families: lack of money, inappropriate behavior or attitude of a partner, suspicions of infidelity... There are many reasons for conflict, but it is better to build relationships without them ...

How to prevent family scandals

They say that in pre-Orthodox times, long before Domostroy, every family had a tradition of “making love” on Saturdays. It's not what you might think. Simply, the two halves of the family told what they were unhappy with, irritated, or didn’t like in their partner’s behavior and attitude, while listening carefully to each other. Perhaps there was no such tradition, but you can introduce it in order to avoid scandals in the family. We’re just saying everything that doesn’t suit you, don’t be shy about it: an adequate husband or wife will understand and try to fix it.

We also try not to provoke our other half with stupid phrases from the series “I told you a thousand times”, “Don’t you understand”, “You are just like your mother”, “But you yourself...” and much more from your parents’ repertoire. Unfortunately, mom and dad may be wrong, but you can live differently.

Better together. Joint activities are simply necessary in the family, and this does not mean watching TV in the evening. Let you have common hobbies, be it art or sports, raising children, etc. It is important here not to criticize your spouse’s mistakes too much.

If something doesn’t work out in the family, you don’t need to reduce your demands on yourself or your significant other. There is nothing more humiliating for a husband, and a woman should be of such a high level that her husband would be drawn to her. Develop together, communicate with a variety of people, spend vacations together, read and attend interesting events.

What else will help prevent scandals in the family. Just learn to look at people positively and never offend your spouse behind the scenes, for example, by telling how bad he (she) is to your friends.

When family scandals threaten your health?

Any conflicts can be resolved. The ability to listen to each other, the wisdom of your wife, and the help of a psychologist will come in handy here. But sometimes it will be easier to end a relationship than to later treat the psyche, soul, and body.

It is better to end the relationship if the spouse is not only manically jealous or envious, but also an energy vampire. Provoking a scandal, they expect an outburst of anger, despair and indignation from you, and then, fed with energy, they go to work or communicate with friends as if nothing had happened, leaving you in a dilapidated state.

If after quarrels you feel lethargic and lose your ability to work, this means that during a scandal, all your energy is taken away from you. However, there is a way out here that allows you not to break off the relationship. It is important here not to succumb to his provocations, not to let the vampire hook you: agree and smile. If you stop getting out of balance, then they will no longer provoke you into a scandal.

How to stop scandals in the family

1. Don't see your spouse as an enemy. He is not the only one to blame for the discord in the family and as long as you believe that your wife or husband is your opponent who needs to be crushed under you. You will not be able to resolve conflicts together.
2. Try to reduce meaningless conversations and reproaches to action. Ask how you should react to bad actions towards you, what you can come up with to prevent this negative reaction from happening, etc.
3. Take a break. If you don’t have the strength to remain silent, just go for a walk, go to the bath, or go to your room. But what you can’t do is ostentatiously go to your laptop or read a magazine. This is even more annoying.
4. Read sign language. If the spouse closed himself off, crossing his legs and arms, then now is not the time to resolve conflicts. At the same time, if your spouse’s fingers look up, he feels his own superiority and will rebuff you. If the fingers are not visible or the thumbs are hidden, the spouse feels discomfort and is not at all ready to resolve the conflict. Watch your own body language too. Do not lower your arms along your body and do not give signals that you may become a victim.
5. Don't get personal or go off topic. If the quarrel revolves around a broken wardrobe that has been standing for a year, there is no need to remember that last week the husband came drunk in the middle of the night.
6. Be sure to make compromises and concessions. This also applies to men. In small things, everything can be done according to your spouse’s wishes, but in serious moments, do not shout down your husband or wife.
7. Change your tactics or topic. If the fact that the closet has been broken for a whole year is annoying, thank your loved one for babysitting for mom on Friday.
8. Always be ready to hear and listen. This does not mean that you need to remain phlegmatically silent while he says something. If you ask again or agree, it means you also want to resolve this conflict peacefully. At the same time, you should not be an “examiner,” that is, listen carefully and try to catch your significant other in a lie or something unacceptable to you. The behavior of the “examiner” will infuriate you even more.
9. There is no need to consider yourself a victim and your partner an evil aggressor. You probably also have a lot of offenses on your conscience that can ruin the happiest family life.
10. To stop scandals forever, you need to work for a long time both with the reasons and on your own. But you can try and this is the way. Keep a diary of conflicts: what date, why. Together, figure out whether this helps solve real problems. And then you can punish the one who started the scandal. If the showdown is devoted to the topic “Who is in charge here,” try to give in one by one.

How to behave after a scandal?

It is unlikely that it will be possible to make peace right away. A woman needs to forgive her husband, but not to become intimate with him (including spiritual intimacy). We just silently take care of the house and the child, and if my husband begins to lack tenderness, just say that it was very unpleasant for her when he treated her badly or unfairly.

Here it is important to say what you felt, and not what he, so bad, did. Don't insult him, but talk about your feelings. If he asks to make love, you can refuse and say that you are not ready.

A husband, if he is offended, should also not continue to sort things out, especially in public, or demonstratively leave. It’s just important to ask for forgiveness from the bottom of your heart and try to understand exactly how you offended your other half.

It is necessary to talk after a conflict. There is no need to shout or break dishes or generalize. We just talk quietly and calmly, sharing everything we don’t like about our spouse’s relationship and behavior. The result of the conversation should be some kind of agreement, within the framework of which both husband and wife must make certain concessions. Both of you are guilty, which means the two of you need to answer.

What you don’t need to do is humiliate yourself and beg for forgiveness on your knees, promising vacations on all the islands at once and daily dinners in the best restaurants. Don't take all the blame (and this applies to both husbands and wives). So you are only giving a reason for further humiliation. There is no need to “hang” on this story and remember it all the time.

You shouldn't be stubborn either. It is difficult for men to say “I’m sorry,” even if the repentance is sincere. Meet halfway, do not give ultimatums. Be gentle. Everything said above also applies to husbands.

At the end of the conflict, draw conclusions. And even if you didn’t quite understand what your wife or husband demanded of you, then at least admit it to yourself.

When the conflict is over, you can arrange a romantic date (even within the confines of your room), give your loved one a surprise: the war is over and family life can begin from the very beginning.

Family scandal: good or evil?

No matter how the mood deteriorates after conflicts, it is important to remember that a family scandal is not an apocalypse, but a part of life. In addition, if there are two leaders in your couple, there will always be a showdown. In fact, this is better than silence and silence: it is unknown what the hidden discontent will ultimately grow into. And yet, life without scandals is more pleasant, and energy vampires can benefit from them. Therefore, always listen to each other and let your loved one speak out. Learning to understand your loved one is easier than making trouble and insulting.