Apostle Paul: If I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but do not have love, then I am a ringing brass or a sounding cymbal. What is Pavlovian love? And as he became a husband, he left the infant
If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but have no love, then I am a ringing copper or a resounding cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries, and have all knowledge and all faith, so that I can move mountains, but do not have love, then I am nothing.
And if I give away all my possessions and give my body to be burned, but I do not have love, it does not profit me at all.
Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not behave violently, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything.
Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.
For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; when the perfect comes, then that which is in part will cease.
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and when he became a man, he left the childish.
Now we see, as it were, through a dull glass, guessingly, then face to face; Now I know in part, but then I will know, just as I am known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, love; but the love of them is greater. (1 Corinthians 13:1-8)
“Remember, you came into this world already realizing
the need to fight with yourself - and only with yourself.
So, thank anyone who provides you
this opportunity” G.I. Gurdjieff
"Meeting Great People"
"The life of a man, like the life of a woman, is largely determined by the limitations inherent in role expectations."
Society distributes social roles between men and women, without taking into account the true individual needs of each individual soul, depersonalizing and depriving each individual of the natural uniqueness. Whatever the client's initial request in the therapist's office, the true hidden reason for seeking counseling is an unspoken protest against the hackneyed attitudes for men: "Don't show emotion", "Die before women", "Trust no one", "Be in the flow", etc. .
The modern average man cannot even allow the thought of baring his soul, showing his vulnerability and fears in the presence of other men,
at best, and this is already a big victory, he goes to a psychotherapist to sort out his dissatisfaction with life.
"A man's life is largely ruled by fear."
From childhood, modern men are "implanted with a chip" not to recognize the unawareness of fear, the installation that the male task is to subjugate nature and themselves. The unconscious feeling of fear is hypercompensated in relationships. The fear of the mother complex is compensated either by the desire to indulge in everything, to give pleasure to the woman, or to dominate her excessively. In relationships with other men, you have to compete; the world is perceived as a dark, stormy ocean, from which one does not know what to expect. With the implementation of such attitudes, a man never feels satisfaction, because, throwing dust in the eyes of others, he still feels inside the fear of a little boy who finds himself in an unreliable and hostile world, in which you need to hide your true emotions and constantly play the role of an invincible, impudent " macho".
This feeling of being a defenseless, frightened boy, carefully hidden from others and from oneself, the shadow side of the personality or “shadow” is projected onto others or is played out in socially unacceptable behavior. There is a projection in the form of criticism of others, condemnation, ridicule.
Compensating for his fear, a man boasts of an expensive car, a tall house, a high-status position, trying to hide his inner feeling of helplessness and insolvency with an external disguise.
So to say, "whistling in the dark" means to behave as if you do not feel fear. In psychotherapy, we identify, recognize and integrate the "Shadow", thus strengthening the true "I" of the client. The most difficult part of the psychotherapeutic program is the client's recognition of his fears and true problems. After all, for a man to admit his fears is to sign his male insolvency, it means to admit his inadequacy to the image of a man, to become a loser, unable to protect his family. And this fear is worse than death.
“Femininity in the male psyche has tremendous power” .
The very first and strongest for each person are the experiences associated with the mother. Mother is the source from which we all spring. Just as during pregnancy, before birth, we are immersed in the mother's body, we are also immersed in her unconscious and are part of it. When we are born, we separate for the first time, we physically separate from it, but we remain for some time (some longer, and some have not been able to separate in our entire lives) mentally one with it. But even after separation, we unconsciously try to reunite with our mother through Others - spouses, friends, bosses, demanding from them unconditional maternal love, attention and care, through sublimation or projection of her traits onto others.
Mother is the first protection from the outside world, it is the center of our universe, from which, through our relationship with her, we receive information about our life force, about our right to life, which is the foundation of our personality.
In the future, the role of the mother is played by educators, teachers, doctors, teachers. Men get most of their information about themselves from women. And that maternal complex, which was discussed earlier in this article, manifests itself in the need for warmth, comfort, care, attachment to one home, work. The sensation of the world develops from the primary sensation of femininity, i.e. through our women's section. If at the very beginning of life the child's needs for food and emotional warmth are satisfied, he will continue to feel his place in life and his involvement in it. As Z. Freud once noted, a child cared for by a mother will feel invincible. If the mother “was not enough”, then in the future one will feel detached from life, one’s own uselessness, insatiability in satisfying the need for the joys of life, unawareness of one’s true needs.
In symbol-drama psychotherapy, an important step is the satisfaction of these archaic, oral needs. Along with verbal techniques, the psychotherapist uses certain images for visualization.
But, excessive, personality-absorbing maternal love can also cripple a child's life. Many women try to realize their life potential through the life of their sons. Of course, the efforts of such mothers can lift a man to such heights of success that he himself could hardly rise to. Many personal stories of famous men confirm this. But we are talking here about the inner mental state of men, spiritual harmony and a sense of fullness of life. And this spiritual harmony is rarely associated only with social success. In my psychological practice, there are many stories of fairly wealthy and socially successful men who, despite outward success, experience unbearable boredom and apathy towards life.
In order to get rid of the maternal complex, a man needs to leave the comfort zone, realize his dependence, or rather the dependence of his inner child, on the mother's surrogate (object on which he projects the image of the mother).
Find your values, determine your path in life, realize your childish anger towards your wife, girlfriend, who will never be able to meet his infantile requirements.
As embarrassing as it may be, most men need to acknowledge and separate their relationship with their mother from their actual relationship with a woman. If this does not happen, then they will continue to win back their old, regressive scenarios in relationships.
Progress, maturation requires that the young man sacrifice his comfort, his childhood. Otherwise, the regression to childhood will be akin to a desire for self-destruction and unconscious incest. But it is the fear of the pain that life causes that determines the unconscious choice of regression or psychological death.
“No man can become himself until he confronts his mother complex and brings this experience into all subsequent relationships. Only by looking into the abyss that opens under his feet can he become independent and free from anger.
- James Hollis writes
in his book "Under the Shadow of Saturn"
In the psychotherapeutic process, for me it is a clear marker when a man still hates his mother or women. I understand that he is still seeking protection or trying to avoid pressure from his mother. Of course, in many respects the process of separation depends on the level of awareness, the nature of the mother's own psychological traumas, which determine the behavioral strategies and mental heritage of the child.
"Men remain silent in order to suppress their true emotions."
Every man has a story in his life when, as a boy, a teenager, he shared his experiences with his peers and later regretted it very much. Most likely, he was ridiculed, teased, after which he felt shame and loneliness. “Mama's boy”, “sucker”, well, and a lot of other offensive words for a boy ... These injuries do not go away and remain in adulthood, regardless of existing achievements. Then, as a child, he adopted one of the basic "male" rules - hide your experiences and failures, keep quiet about them, do not confess, flaunt, no matter how bad you feel. No one should know about this, otherwise you are not a man, otherwise you are a rag.
And a huge part of his life, and perhaps all of it, will take place in valiant battles against past childhood humiliations in a distorted subjective reality. Like a knight, clad in armor with a lowered visor. Sad.
A man tries to suppress his inner femininity, playing the role of a macho, demanding from his wife to satisfy infantile needs for maternal care and attention, while at the same time suppressing a woman, establishing control over her.
Man suppresses what he fears. Not accepting his female part inside himself, a man tries to ignore his emotions in himself and suppress, humiliate the real woman who is next to him.
This "pathology" makes it impossible to establish close relationships in the family. In any relationship, a man becomes addicted, where he knows little about himself. He projects his unknown part of the psyche onto another person. Often a man experiences fits of rage towards a woman. The manifestation of rage is associated with the excessive influence of the mother, with the "lack" of the father. Anger accumulates when the child's personal space is violated, its boundaries are violated in the form of direct physical violence, or the adult's excessive influence on the child's life. The resulting psychological trauma can lead to sociopathy. Such a boy, being an adult, will not be able to take care of loved ones. His life is full of fear, will make anyone who is near and wants to build a family or a trusting relationship suffer. He cannot suffer his pain himself and makes the Other suffer . This will happen until the man accepts his emotional, feminine part, gets rid of the maternal complex.
"The trauma is necessary, as men must leave the mother and psychologically go beyond the maternal."
The transition from maternal dependence to male involvement, paternal nature is accompanied not only by characteristic physiological changes in the boy's body, but also by strong psychological shocks, experiences, traumas. Psychological trauma contributes to the integration of the infantile unconscious material of the personality.
Unconscious infantile material we call security and dependence - the sacrifice that is necessary for the transition of the boy into the world of men. Different peoples had (some do) their own rituals of self-mutilation - circumcision, ear piercing, knocking out teeth. In any such rituals there is damage to the material (matter-mother). The elders of the tribe, thus, deprive the boy of support, protection, what can secure, i.e. aspects of the mother world. And this was a manifestation of the greatest love for the young man.
How difficult it is for modern men to overcome this great transition without any help!
“The rituals have not been preserved, there are no wise elders left, there is no at least some model of the transition of a man to a state of maturity. Therefore, most of the men remain with their individual addictions, boastfully demonstrating their dubious macho compensation, and much more often suffering alone from shame and indecision.
D. Hollis "Under the shadow of Saturn"
First stage overcoming the maternal complex is the physical and later the mental separation from the parents. Previously, this separation was facilitated by the ritual of kidnapping a boy by masked elders unknown to him. Depriving him of the comfort and warmth of the parental hearth, the participants in the ritual gave the boy a chance to become an adult.
Required element second stage The transitional ritual was a symbolic death. A burial was staged, or a passage through a dark tunnel. The boy overcame the fear of death, living the symbolic death of childhood addiction. But, despite the symbolic death, a new adult life was just emerging.
Third stage - the ritual of resurrection. This is Baptism, sometimes the assignment of a new name, etc.
Fourth stage is the learning stage. Those. acquiring the knowledge that a young man needed so that he could behave like a mature man. In addition, he is informed about the rights and obligations of an adult male and a member of the community.
At the fifth stage there was a severe test - isolation, living a certain time without dismounting from a horse, fighting with a strong opponent, etc.
The initiation ends with the return , during this period the boy feels existential changes, one essence dies in him and another, mature, strong is born. If a modern man is asked whether he feels like a man, he is unlikely to be able to answer. He knows his social role, but at the same time, often, he has no idea what it means to be a man.
"The life of a man is full of violence, as their soul is subjected to violence."
Unreacted anger in the relationship with the mother in childhood, manifests itself in the adult life of a man in the form of irritability. This phenomenon is called "displaced" anger, which pours out at the slightest provocation, is often more powerful and not adequate to the situation.
A man can act out his anger by behavior that violates social norms and rules, committing sexual violence. Violence against a woman is a consequence of a deep male trauma associated with the mother complex. The internal conflict in the form of fear of injury will be transferred to the external environment, and in order to protect himself, he will try to hide his fear by dominating the Other. A man seeking power is an immature boy overcome by inner fear.
Another strategy for the behavior of a man overcome by fear is the desire for excessive self-sacrifice in order to please a woman.
Modern men rarely talk about their anger and rage without feeling ashamed. They often choose to remain silent about their feelings when they are alone. .
And this rage, not expressed and not manifested on the outside, is directed inward. This manifests itself in the form of self-destruction of oneself with drugs, alcohol, workaholism. And also in the form of somatic diseases - hypertension, stomach ulcers, headaches, asthma, etc. It is necessary to break the maternal bonds, survive the trauma, which will lead to further personal growth and a qualitative change in life.
"Every man yearns for his father and needs fellowship with the elders of his community" .
"Dear father,
You recently asked me why I say that I am afraid of You. As usual, I could not answer You anything, partly because of the fear of You, partly because the explanation of this fear requires too many details that would be difficult to give in a conversation. And if I now try to answer You in writing, the answer will still be very incomplete, because even now, when I write, fear of You and its consequences hinder me, and because the number material far exceeds the capacity of my memory and my reason.
Franz Kafka "Letter to Father"
This is how a famous work begins, and I know that most modern men would like to confess this to their fathers.
Long gone are the days when business, craft, professional secrets in the family were passed from father to son. The bond between father and son is severed. Now the father leaves his home and goes to work, leaving his family behind. Tired, having come home from work, the father wants only one thing - to be left alone. He does not feel that he can be a worthy example for his son.
The conflict between father and son in the modern world is a common thing. It is passed down from generation to generation. It is difficult today to find an example to follow either in the church or in the government, there is nothing special to learn from the boss. Wise mentoring, so necessary for male maturation, is practically absent.
Therefore, most men yearn for their father and mourn his loss. A man needs not so much knowledge as a father's inner strength, manifested in the unconditional acceptance of his son, as he is. Without "hung" their expectations, unsatisfied ambitions. True masculine authority can manifest itself outwardly only from inner strength. Those who are not fortunate enough to feel their inner authority are forced to give in to others all their lives, considering them more worthy or compensating for a sense of inner weakness with social status. Not having received enough attention from his father, the boy tries to earn his positive mentoring. Then he spends his whole life trying to earn the attention of any Other who is slightly higher in status or richer than him. Silence, inattention of the father is regarded by the boy as proof of his inferiority (if I became a man, I would deserve his love). Since I did not deserve it, then I never became a man.
“He needs a fatherly example to help him understand how to exist in this world, how to work, how to avoid trouble, how to build the right relationship with inner and outer femininity. »
D. Hollis "Under the shadow of Saturn"
To activate his own masculinity, he needs an external mature paternal model. Each son should see an example of a father who does not hide his emotionality, he makes mistakes, falls, admits his mistakes, rises, corrects mistakes and moves on. He does not humiliate his son with the words: “don't cry, men don't cry”, “don't be a sissy”, etc. He recognizes his fear, but teaches to cope with it, to overcome his weaknesses.
The father must teach his son how to live in the outer world, remaining at peace with himself.
If the father is absent spiritually or physically, there is a "distortion" in the child-parent triangle and the connection between the son and the mother becomes especially strong.
No matter how good a mother would be, it is absolutely impossible for her to devote her son to something about which she has not the slightest idea.
Only a father, a wise mentor, can pull a son out of the maternal complex, otherwise, psychologically, the son will remain a boy, or become dependent on compensation, becoming a “macho” hiding the prevailing inner femininity.
In the process of psychotherapy, a person becomes aware of his fears, vulnerability, longing, aggression, thus passing through trauma. .
If this does not happen, the person continues to look for his "ideal" parent among pseudo-prophets, pop stars, etc. worship and imitate them.
"If men want to be healed, they should mobilize all their internal resources, replenishing what they did not receive from the outside in their time."
A man's healing begins the day he becomes honest with himself, casts aside shame, he acknowledges his feelings. Then it becomes possible to restore the foundation of his personality, liberation from the sticky gray fear that haunts his soul. This is almost impossible to deal with alone, it takes time to heal. In therapy, this can take six months, a year, or maybe more. But recovery is possible and quite real.
The Apostle Paul was not one of the Twelve Apostles. It so happened that a man who in his youth participated in the persecution of Christians became one of the greatest teachers of Christianity.
As is known from the book of Acts, on the way to Damascus, he suddenly heard a voice: “Saul! Saul! Why are you chasing me?" and went blind for three days. He was brought to Damascus, and there he was healed by the Christian Ananias and baptized.
Paul created numerous Christian communities in Asia Minor and the Balkan Peninsula. The Epistles of the Apostle Paul make up a significant part of the New Testament and are among the main texts of Christian theology.
Paul is a Jew of the Mediterranean diaspora, born in Tarsus, the main city of Cilicia. Year of birth 5 - 10. The Hebrew name of Paul is Saul.
Paul's father was a Pharisee, and Paul himself was brought up in the tradition of Pharisaic piety. Paul had the status of a Roman citizen, which indicates the high status of his family. He studied Torah.
For the spread of the faith of Christ, the Apostle Paul suffered a lot and was not crucified as a citizen, but beheaded in Rome under Nero in 64 (according to another version, in 67-68). At the place of his burial, the disciples left a memorial sign that allowed Emperor Constantine to find this place and build the church of San Paolo Fuori le Mura there.
Everyone has heard the words about love that does not exalt itself, does not seek its own, endures everything ... These are words about love as a Christian virtue. They are written by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 13:
1. If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, then I am a ringing brass, or a sounding cymbal.
2. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries, and have all knowledge and all faith, so that I can move mountains, but do not have love, then I am nothing.
3. And if I give away all my possessions and give my body to be burned, but I do not have love, it does not profit me at all.
4. Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud,
5. Does not act outrageously, does not seek his own, is not irritated, does not think evil,
6. Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7. Covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything.
8. Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
10. When the perfect comes, then that which is in part will cease.
11. When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and when he became a man, he left the childish.
12. Now we see, as it were, through a dull glass, guessingly, then face to face; Now I know in part, but then I will know, just as I am known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope, love; but the love of them is greater.
I am sure that many have heard that the Bible says that husbands should love their wives as part of their body. The apostle Paul writes about this in Ephesians 5:
22. Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord,
23. Because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is also the savior of the body;
24. But just as the Church is subject to Christ, so are wives to their husbands in everything.
25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her,
26. To sanctify her by cleansing her with a bath of water, by means of a word;
27. To present her to Himself as a glorious Church, without spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but that she might be holy and blameless.
28. Thus should husbands love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself.
St. Gregory of Nyssa
Whenever there was a baby, like a baby, verbs, like a baby, I thought: when there was a husband, I rejected the infant; not because another soul enters the man, besides that which is intelligible in the child, and the infantile understanding is rejected, but the male one appears, but because the same soul, imperfect in the infant, turns out to be perfect in the man.
About the constitution of man.
St. John Chrysostom
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
St. Clement of Alexandria
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
These words of the apostle mean his life according to the law [of Moses], when he, no longer as a simpleton, but still as a fool persecuted [the Church of God], talking like a baby, And speaking like a baby, he acted wickedly against the Logos.
... He does not mean here an imperfect age and in general not a certain period of time, and also not a higher mysterious teaching intended for men ... but under babies he understands those who are subject to the law, who, like children, are afraid of the scarecrow, and under husbands he means those who obey the Logos - those who have complete freedom.
Teacher.
St. Theophan the Recluse
Whenever a baby is beh, like a baby verbs, like a baby is wise, like a baby is smart; when the former husband rejected the infant
“Having said that when perfect knowledge comes, then knowledge will partly cease, now in explanation of this he gives an example, which together shows how great is the distance between present knowledge and then knowledge. Today we are like babies in knowledge, but then we will become men. Like baby verbs, he said, alluding to the gift of tongues; like a wise baby, alluding to the gift of prophecy; like a baby- for the gift of knowledge. In words: whenever the husband, having rejected the child, makes it clear that in the next century we will have knowledge that is as perfect as the present one, as the knowledge of the man is more perfect than the knowledge of the baby; then this infantile-like knowledge that we now have will be abolished” (Theophylact). “For when they reach adulthood, those who are adorned with sharpness and prudence have no need for adolescent knowledge. So, the Apostle in this life likened the knowledge given to us to the knowledge of children, but what is expected in the future life - to the knowledge of perfect men, teaching, again, by this not to think highly of their knowledge of those who cut the Church because of knowledge ”(Theodoret). When he says: rejected, then it suggests that of the present views, and the most wise, hardly anything will remain in the next century. Both the earth and the sky will be new; new conditions of existence and mutual relations. Everything will appear in a different form, in a different sense, and will be understood. What will be in the future age is predicted to us by means of similitudes. As similitudes are taken from the things of this age, and it will cease, then such similitudes do not make it possible to understand anything in its present form, but only excite fortune-telling. This is what the Apostle says after this.
The First Epistle to the Corinthians of the Holy Apostle Paul, Interpreted by St. Theophan.
St. Luka Krymsky
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; but when he became a man, he left his childishness (v. 11). Do we now amuse ourselves with children's toys and amusements? We left it all.
Now the time has come when the true and perfect has been revealed to us, and then what we were proud of in the former life - all our knowledge, all our wisdom - appears to us as children's games, as children's amusements.
Hurry to follow Christ. Apostle Paul's hymn of love.
Rev. Ephraim Sirin
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
Just as your childish thoughts were annihilated before the knowledge that you now have, so must our present knowledge be destroyed before the knowledge that we will acquire in the future.
Commentary on the Epistles of the Divine Paul.
Rev. Isidore Peluciot
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
God-wise Paul said: like a baby in verbs, like a baby in wisdom, - he wrote about living according to the law, during which, speaking, like a baby, he kept the law given to babies and, philosophizing, like a baby, persecuted the Gospel teaching, defending the lawful. Whenever he says, ex-husband, rejected baby, and not sweeping aside the law, and announcing the gospel word.
Letters. Book I
Blzh. Theophylact of Bulgaria
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
When I was an infant
Saying that with the advent of the perfect what is partly, will be abolished, at the same time it also provides an example by which it explains how great is the difference between present and future knowledge. For now we are like babes, but then we shall be men.
He spoke like a child
It matches the languages.
Thinking like a child
This is in line with the prophecies.
Talking like a child
This corresponds to knowledge.
And as he became a husband, he left the infant
That is, in the next century I will have a more mature knowledge; then the small and infantile knowledge that we have here will be abolished. Then he continues.
Commentary on the First Epistle to the Corinthians of the Holy Apostle Paul.
Ambrosiast
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
This he says that those who leave this world as saints will necessarily find what they are thinking about now, for, as the holy Apostle John the Theologian said about the Savior: when it is revealed, we will be like him, because we will see him as he is(1 John 3:2) . In this world we are infants in comparison with the future life, for as this life is imperfect, so is its knowledge imperfect.
On the Epistles to the Corinthians.
Lopukhin A.P.
When I was a baby, I spoke like a baby, thought like a baby, reasoned like a baby; and as he became a husband, he left the infantile
Ap. explains by comparison why the imperfect must give way to the perfect. As a person grows, so does the Church. Here and there the law of development and transformation operates equally. As soon as the abilities for a higher form of activity develop, the former disappears of itself. In expressions: spoke, thought And reasoned Ap. makes allusions to the three gifts mentioned above - gift of tongues(said), gift of prophecy(thought - more precisely: felt, aspired (φρονει̃ν) and the gift of knowledge(discussed). The Gift of Tongues is likened to the first babble of a baby, who expresses by this his joy, which the feeling that he lives inspires him. The gift of prophecy, which looks to the distant future, corresponds to the fiery aspiration of the youth who dreams of the future as a time of joy and happiness. Finally, the gift of knowledge, which seeks to know divine truth, corresponds to the child's naive ideas about the outside world. - left the infantile. Just as a young man with some pride renounces his childhood views, so with a feeling of inner satisfaction a mature person renounces the dreams of his childhood and youth in order to fulfill the task of his life that he has set for himself. Christians will also look at spiritual gifts when the glorious time of reigning with Christ comes for them (Christians).
Usually infantilism is considered a colossal disadvantage. But is everything so clear? Are there any advantages in living with an infantile man? Or maybe he is an unrecognized genius?
The very concept of "infantil" comes from the word "infant" - a child. This is a person who has some developmental delay, but in this case not mental, but psychological. If we talk about men, then an infantile man is one who, despite his mature age, continues to behave like a child.
Popular on this topic: Infantilism or immaturity of personality: mistakes in education. - Ed.
This is expressed primarily in the unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own life, not to mention responsibility for relatives and friends. Moreover, if he is brought to this responsibility, he will do everything to push it onto someone else.
Such men strive in every possible way not to work, finding a hundred thousand reasons for this, not to do household chores, but at the same time they are very sociable, they have a lot of friends, a lot of interesting activities, often too versatile.
An interesting detail: none of these hobbies captures him completely, everything remains at the level of superficial hobbies: he tried one, then another, then a third, then he gave up and found a fourth.
At the same time, the infantile not only does not run away from marriage, he often strives for it. Only in marriage, he does not take the position of the head of the family and father, but becomes the eldest child for the woman. And it's not always a tragedy.
Infantil can become an excellent older brother to his own child, play with him with enthusiasm and arrange adventures, share his hobbies and ideas, fantasize with enthusiasm and be an excellent partner in all sorts of fun.
It is only important to understand that any problems - from minor to serious - in this family will be solved by the wife. If a woman is not afraid of this, her marriage may well be happy and harmonious, because she will be loved. She will dominate, they will obey her, decide everything, and she will always be, most likely, financial flows will be in her hands. This model is not suitable for everyone, but it has the right to life.
Another thing is if the infantile is so selfish and closed in on himself that the very thought of any partnership frightens him, since this can curtail his rights and limit his freedom. But here you don’t even need to advise anything: this man will disappear beyond the horizon at the first hints of a life together.
If for you the model of living together with an infantile man is a personal nightmare, let's say, early diagnosis will help to avoid wasting time and disappointment. To determine whether a man is infantile, you can literally on the first dates with him.
The typical reaction of such a man to any unexpected events (there are no free tables in the restaurant, the screening schedule has changed in the cinema, there is nowhere to park the car): “Oh, what can I do?” That is, it does not occur to him to begin to solve the problem that has arisen. He immediately shifts the responsibility to you.
What else does the infantile give out? Excessive interest in something. You can collect stamps or play football, but if a man is more interested in a hobby than you, then you should not waste time on him.
Another important symptom is that a man constantly needs your help or advice. Worst case, money. Either he needs to study, then he needs to invest in a project, then he needs connections somewhere. As soon as you feel that a man is pulling a resource (any) from you, think about it.
Finally, there is a third type of infantile: unrecognized geniuses. They write scripts that Hollywood is about to buy. They paint pictures that will certainly be appreciated by posterity. They are working on the novel of the century. The Nobel Prize is waiting for them literally one of these days.
At the same time, the future laureate can live in a communal apartment with his mother. I have nothing against creativity and trying to create something great, but a normal man will do this in his spare time after he paid the rent, threw money on his retired mother, took the girl to the movies and tidied up the house. If your genius, to put it mildly, is poor and restless, then you have two options: run away or take him under your wing.
By the way, almost all great people were terribly infantile. The story of Gabriel Garcia Marquez is interesting: his wife dragged him all his life, earned money, beat him up and cursed him with all his attempts to create a masterpiece. In the end, her patience snapped and she tried to burn his latest novel. Then Marquez said: this is the last attempt. If this novel is not published, I give up and go to work as a laborer. As you guessed, this was One Hundred Years of Solitude, which was soon followed by the Nobel Prize in Literature. And Dostoevsky, and Tolstoy, and Pushkin - they were all infantile. This is the other side of genius.
