Authoritarian type of education in the family. Democratic style of family education. Classification of styles of family education by J. Baldwin

There are different styles of parenting in the family, and often people who have children turn to psychologists for help, wondering how to properly raise a child. Parents are trying to understand where certain qualities came from in their children, why their behavior suddenly “spoiled”. Of course, much depends on the style of raising children in the family. There are several such styles, each of which has its own characteristics.

Parenting styles in the family (psychological portrait)

Let's recreate the psychological portraits of a particular style of parenting together, and you will determine the conditions in which you yourself grew up, and what you are now using in upbringing as a parent.

Hard rules - authoritarian approach

Parents often treat their children with great severity, punishing them for the slightest mistakes. The instructions of the mother and father must be strictly followed. The point of view of the child is not taken into account. Children are punished for bad behavior without any explanation. The dictatorial model of education implies extremely severe restrictions on the independence of children, a “cold” attitude towards them. Parents believe that such a method will allow them to grow up an obedient, responsible and executive person. However, as a rule, the result does not meet expectations.

Mom and dad practicing a dictatorial style should understand that you can’t put pressure on the crumbs, you need to allow the child to be independent, then he can better express himself.

liberal model

This style is also called permissive. It is usually used in families where parents are overly indulgent. They do not forbid anything to children, do not impose any restrictions on them, in every possible way strive to show how much they love them. The child who was brought up this way often manifests itself as follows:

The liberal parenting style is not the optimal model. Parents should understand that it is not suitable for everyone. The following options for personal development are possible:

To select the optimal model, it is very important to take into account the natural inclinations of the baby. Psychologists still recommend devoting more time to a son or daughter, introducing at least simple rules and responsibilities. In no case should the baby be left without the slightest control.

Overprotective Parents

Anxious parents project their feelings onto their baby, all the while expecting something bad to happen. They do their best to protect him from possible troubles, introducing numerous restrictions. The child is forbidden to communicate with "unfavorable" peers, walk in the evening, play sports.

A similar style can manifest itself in completely different ways. Sometimes these are attempts to “attach” the baby to yourself and control it all the time. Sometimes anxious adults are too concerned about the health of the child. Some parents treat the child like a small child, even when he becomes a teenager.

The method of upbringing greatly affects the situation in the family. Often, adults manage to take care of their children, protecting them from difficulties even when they are represented by homework or household chores. Such an educational method ultimately leads to the following development options:

  • A person is convinced of his own superiority over others. From childhood, he gets used to and treats them with great distrust. At the same time, he makes high demands on people, not giving them the right to make mistakes and not considering their point of view.
  • Not a self-sufficient person, prone to addictive behavior. A person who is not able to solve his problems on his own. He is helpless, non-initiative, cannot make decisions without relying on someone else's opinion.

Parents who have realized that they are prone to overprotection should not be upset and worried about this. It is better for them to heed some advice from experts. Psychologists advise anxious adults:

  • Find some middle ground. All children need attention and care, but you don’t need to overdo it either.
  • Do not try to solve all the problems for the baby. It is better to give him valuable advice and help him overcome the difficulties that have arisen.
  • Do not interfere with the interaction of a son or daughter with peers, do not limit the communication of the crumbs to only one family;
  • Teach the child to discipline, but do not prevent him from showing independence.

Chaotic and indifferent style

In the case of the chaotic style, parents have different opinions about the parenting model. Each member of the family has their own point of view and considers it the only correct one. Often, the mother experiences emotional ups and downs. In such situations, children become uncontrollable and do not take into account parental requirements. They suffer from imbalance and do not feel secure. They want to somehow organize the world around them. In adulthood, they are usually characterized by irresponsibility and infantilism.

An indifferent approach to education presupposes the absence of any control on the part of adults. The same goes for relationships themselves. Parents do not interact with children in any way, do not take care of them. Either they work too hard, or they don't give a damn about how the kids grow up. Everyone is busy with their own problems. This behavior causes the formation of a negative self-esteem of the baby, who feels his unimportance and uselessness.

The most favorable method

The democratic type of education is considered the most favorable for the development of the future generation. Children get the opportunity to learn to be independent and at the same time disciplined and responsible. The child has his duties, but his interests are not infringed.

Adults respect the point of view of the baby and reckon with him, making some important decisions. They are aware of the age characteristics of the crumbs and do not expect something impossible from him. If necessary, parents justify their own requirements and are always ready to hear the arguments of the child. They do not take away from him the right to choose and at the same time impose a certain responsibility.

The child does not suffer from excessive guardianship, major conflicts do not happen in such families. Children listen to mom and dad, who explain to them what can and cannot be done.

The democratic style of upbringing in the family is characterized by such a feature as moderation. Kids do not show excessive aggression, at the same time they have wonderful prerequisites for becoming leaders. They are able to control others, but they themselves are not amenable to manipulation. Another similar approach is called authoritative parenting style.

Usually such children are morally stable, purposeful, open and sociable, they easily adapt to social life. However, it is worth mentioning those features that are noted only in a small part of the offspring in the described families. These are altruism, sensitivity, empathy.

Eidemiller's Abnormal Parenting Types

In his classification, E. G. Eidemiller proceeded from such factors as the emotional presence of parents in the lives of babies, the quality of care and the level of control, taking into account the age of children and their personal characteristics. The author identifies the following anomalous parenting styles:

Absolute harmony

Such upbringing involves accepting the child as he is. Adults do not impose their vision of life on him, do not seek to correct minor shortcomings. There are prohibitions in the family that apply to all members, but there are few such restrictions.

Children's needs are met within reasonable limits, which does not lead to infringement of the interests of the elders. The child chooses his own path of development. Adults do not put pressure on him and do not force him to attend circles that the baby does not like, while encouraging the independence of the baby. If the need arises, they give advice to the baby.

The topic "" is hotly discussed in the pedagogical literature. But we, parents, do not always think about how it is necessary and what impact our actions have on the development of the child. Let's think. After all, many negative consequences can be prevented by knowing the main style characteristics parental behavior.

Allocate 4 main types of family education:

  • Conniving style (synonyms in other sources: indifferent, indifferent, gopoopaka, indifference);
  • Liberal (non-interference, in some sources the liberal style is equated with conniving);
  • Authoritarian (autocratic, dictate, domination);
  • Authoritative (democratic, harmonious style, cooperation).

parenting styles are used by parents unconsciously, but they cannot be absent. Lack of education is also a style.

Let's present the characteristics of each style in the form of a table, where the first column will describe the actions of parents, the second - the behavior of children as a result of the application. style.

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.) Children's behavior (D.)
Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children, they are only interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. The main method of education is a stick and a carrot, and immediately after the punishment, encouragement can follow - “if only you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. show boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his dignity and justifying pranks. They develop a child only because they want to get the maximum benefit from it. Such R. like to repeat: So what, I myself was like that and grew up to be a good person. Permissive style keywords: Do what you want! (D.) left to their own devices. Alone, they are forced to deal with their little problems. Untouched in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, have many secrets. Often, D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, toadying, they love to lie, talk and show off. Such children do not have their own opinion, they do not know how to make friends, sympathize, empathize, because they have not been taught this. For them there are no prohibitions and moral norms. The learning process for D. is unimportant, the end result is important - a mark that they sometimes seek to cry out, defend, challenge. D. are lazy, do not like labor, either mental or physical. They make promises, but do not fulfill them; they are undemanding to themselves, but demanding to others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence at an older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D. indifferent R. is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.

Liberal style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.) Children's behavior (D.)
In contrast to the conniving style, liberal parents (R.) deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of conduct, prohibitions, real help that a little man in a big world needs so much. R. mistakenly believe that such education forms independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set the goals of education and development, letting everything take its course. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, easily communicate with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, relieve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: Do what you think is right. The children of liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional alienation, anxiety, isolation, and distrust of others. Can D. be capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are unable to control their actions. Most often, either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up in liberal families, or, on the contrary, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, children of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.
Parental behavior (R.) Children's behavior (D.)
Authoritarian parents show a high level of control and a cold relationship. R. have clear ideas about how their child should be and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative, independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, daily routine. Methods of punishment, command tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by the fact that “I was also punished, but I grew up a good person”, “An egg does not teach a chicken!”. At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Keywords authoritarian style: Do as I want! D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not sure of themselves and their merits. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about him. A personality with a weak I is formed, unable to contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, closing in on themselves, others fight desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility, suspicion and to others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Finding a tyrant in yourself in time and not breaking the life of a child is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.) Children's behavior (D.)
Warm relations, high control are the optimal conditions for education, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk to children, encourage initiative, listen to their opinion. They coordinate the activities of the child and set rules based on his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but require discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. is always ready to help, cultivating, however, independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on an equal footing, authority, however, remains with the adult. Democratic style can be called the "golden mean". Keywords: I want to help you, I listen to you, I understand you. Democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which, as we remember, is the main goal of modern education. D. grow up independent, proactive, reasonable, self-confident people. These may not be ideal children at all, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students, leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative way, parents also contribute to their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Probably after reading style characteristics, you have a question: “How so? None of these styles apply in our family!” or “In our family, all styles have a place to be!” or “Our family has an individual style of upbringing!”. And you will be right. Parenting Styles are not always used by parents in their pure form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate to non-intervention, depending on the situation.

Random alternation styles, inconsistent actions of parents speak of a chaotic upbringing. Conversely, parents can overdo it with care, and then cooperation develops into overprotectiveness. In some sources, you can find a description of the judicious and adversarial styles, but, again, they can be considered as options. main 4 styles.

So how should children be raised? The use of only one democratic style is not always effective, although in terms of personality development it is certainly the best.

Choice family parenting style first depends on the personality of children and parents, on family traditions and moral principles. A huge imprint is imposed by the conditions of education of the parents themselves. How many parents - so many opinions. What do you think about it?

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When we discussed the pope with a gun here, the majority of those who agreed with his methods cited the following argument as the main argument for his correctness. What to do if the child does not obey? Show who is the boss in the house or wipe the snot and kiss the child just below the back? Of course, the choice of 2 styles is obvious. Therefore, I want to give some additional information for reflection on the type of parenting styles.

In fact, there are not 2 styles, but 3 main ones. There are still different nuances and author's ideas, but let's talk about those 3.

But first, let's talk about education in general. This process is very multifaceted and one of the functions of education is the formation of healthy boundaries and functioning adaptive schemes in the child. Those. parents help form a certain shell (boundaries) and mechanisms that allow the personality to work (schemes).

The meaning of the growth and development of the personality is the expansion of boundaries, the development of their elasticity, and the creation of a wide variety of different “mechanics” inside. A parent cannot simply buy parts from a nearby store and mount them inside the child. The child does it himself, but under the guidance of the parents. In order to keep moving forward and enriching itself with experience, the child needs not only boundaries, but also freedom.

In this case, the child always tries to expand his zone and test the strength of the parent's boundaries or find out which methods and actions cause which response. Not necessarily the child does something extraordinary, sometimes he wants to at least “poke with a stick”. If I say this to mom, or do it for dad, what will happen?

This is a rather important moment in the development of a new person. Everything new attracts and beckons. He does not know how society functions and tries different approaches, what works and what does not. From these answers to questions of what is possible and impossible, his ideas about the world are formed. That. the child will constantly test the strength of the boundaries of the parents with different intensity, this is his first testing ground for testing himself in society. Then he will switch to friends and teachers. But it is at the level of parents that it is important to give him the tools to expand and develop himself without infringing on the boundaries of others.

And it is on the ratio of boundaries and freedom that the styles of education are singled out. So:

Authoritarian type or "borders without freedom". Parents believe that they always know better how much and what the child needs. If a child has difficulties or tries to poke a stick into the boundaries of the parents, then he immediately receives a negative reaction of varying degrees of severity. It doesn't matter why the child was poking with a stick. What did he want to achieve? Attention, approval, or tried to achieve some benefits. Give hands immediately so that the child never tries again.

In general, it is usually understood that the child should receive the lesson and learn it immediately. A commonly cited example is an electrical outlet being poked by a child with a nail. After receiving an electric shock, he never repeats it again. In general, in fairness it must be said that some children continue to experiment with other materials, and the child always has the opportunity to explore the nature of the current by other methods that are actually more informative. For example, turn on and off the light, etc. A parent with an authoritarian upbringing immediately shuts off the electricity in the whole house. You don't have to go all the way to physical assault, but the authoritarian parent has quite a few different ways to choose from. These are screams, accusations, insults, isolation and all sorts of other methods of aggression - emotional and hidden.

At the same time, the child is not given the opportunity to clearly understand the message of the parent, and the reason is not explained. It’s just that it needs to be so, and the child must guess why he is wrong (the parent usually thinks that the child’s wrong should be obvious to the child himself). For example, a child plays ball in the hall next to a glass coffee table, the father rushes in, takes the ball away and pulls him by the ear, saying, “I’ll show you! My mother and I work and work, and you just have fun and don’t appreciate anything.” From the point of view of the child, the situation is incomprehensible because the glass table occupies a very disreputable place in his world. Those. if the table suddenly does not exist, he will not feel orphaned. Those. why he was punished and what he had to do. He had no information that the table was valuable. It is also completely incomprehensible what else he should guess.

The next lesson that the child receives is that force is always right and aggression can achieve its own. You have a problem? Is someone threatening your favorite thing? You have to attack him somehow. You feel hurt and offended, let the other feel too, make him hurt or unpleasant. Therefore, after some time, dad can find his son with the ball near the table again. But the child will already use this behavior to pressure and manipulate the parent. Wouldn't you like to go to the zoo with me? Now I'll show you. I will play the ball for evil near the table. If you see that I play, you will know that you are not my authority. If I break the table, it will hurt you even more. Yes, in the end it can be more painful for the son. In the region of the sacrum. But children are not very good at planning and anticipating the sequence of events. Especially if they are overwhelmed with negative emotions (resentment towards the father).

Children do not develop the ability to solve problems adequately. The child is deprived in principle of the problem to solve. He has desires that are satisfied or not satisfied by the parent, depending on the worldview of the parent. If the daughter wants a dress, the mother decides what color, what price, and what style. You either have to wear only this, or no dress at all. From the point of view of the parent, everything is done for the child and the child lives like a prince or princess and consumes what the parents consider the best. It is clear that no one asks her daughter if she wants to be a princess. Don't like the pink dress your mom chose? Yes, you ungrateful bastard! Further, a certain amount of negativity is poured onto the child in the form of threats and insults and demands to comply with the rules. As a result, in the adult state, the child approaches solving problems in this way.

  1. Mom knows how to solve the problem.
  2. Take what they give, otherwise it will be worse. What you want, nobody cares about it, and you can get people for communicating your desires.
  3. If you really got sick of everything, then it is quite reasonable to simply attack the offender. Depending on the level of self-confidence, this can be a secret damage to property or sabotage (all sorts of small nasty things that you can’t immediately guess who did it) to an open massacre or “ordering bandits”.
  4. We need very rigid schemes and boundaries that cannot be changed. If the problem is not solved, then it is not necessary to solve it.
  5. The main thing in solving the problem is to identify the perpetrators and punish them.

    Naturally, the children of aggressive parents with an authoritarian type of upbringing and children acquire the same skills of raising their own children. They consider this the only correct way to communicate. Whether such a child will succeed in life or not, it is quite difficult to say unequivocally. Many, in principle, do not adapt poorly, but quite often have problems in their personal lives. Although they come across a person with the same baggage, they communicate perfectly at the level of judgment and execution of punishment on each other. Moreover, this is done regularly in the game mode, because sanctions from one side usually cause sanctions from the other side, and so on ad infinitum. (You didn’t give me your entire salary? So I’ll give you soup without meat. Do you cook soup without meat for me? I’ll go drink vodka with friends in the garage. Do you drink vodka with friends? I’ll go to a cafe with my friends. You’re in a cafe with your friends ....). Many believe that "everyone lives like that." Well, one of the positive aspects of avoiding this style of parenting is to let the child learn that not everyone lives like this.

    Well, of course, it is very valuable that the child is able to solve problems not only by shifting responsibility and blame to others, but also in an exclusively aggressive way, but also in more reasonable ways.

    Well, a lot of letters came out, so about 2 other types of education next time.

The family is the first link where socio-historical, emotional experience is transmitted to the future member of society. Here the child learns the relationship between people, he forms views on various objects, life phenomena. Relationships with parents are of basic importance in what she will become, depending on the style of upbringing adopted in the family.

Each "cell of society" creates its own unique conditions with strictly distributed family roles. Conventionally, all types can be divided into three options:

  1. Traditional, the basis of which is authoritarian relations.
  2. Child-centric, where the child is the center of the universe, with adults revolving around.
  3. Proclaiming cooperation, where parents are endowed with authority, and the main value for them is attention, empathy for each other, children.

Good father and mother make good children

The little human being needs parental love to keep him alive and safe. As you grow older, it becomes not only a source of well-being, but performs a support function, affects emotional and mental health.

Attention

It is important for a child to feel caring. Sometimes he forgives even shouting and beatings, but the lack of warmth, detachment is difficult to forgive. Children from such families more often than others find themselves in bad companies, join the ranks of drug addicts, alcoholics. Correct mental formation occurs only on the basis of love. Moral behavior, balance of character is born from deep psychological contact.

Parents should be interested in everything, even the naive problems of the child, they need to observe all the changes in his consciousness. Manifestations of such contact are variable, depend on age, individuality and do not arise by themselves. Relationships need to be actively built.

The study of specialized literature, consultations with psychologists, knowledge of the methods and ways of education is necessary, but not enough. Mutual understanding, contact is established if the elders are sincere, only in this way the child will feel affection and care. Each family builds its own system of interaction, individual conditions that affect the development of the child's personality.

Parenting Styles

Among the basic ones, several styles are distinguished, the classification of which is based on the level of emotional acceptance of their offspring by parents, the degree of their control over him.

Democratic, authoritative style

Parents in the family are leaders because they have authority. A warm emotional relationship develops between the elders and the younger, and a clear control is established over the children. The main concern is the education of an original personality. There are no raised voices, physical punishment, the actions of educators are logical, consistent, responsible. Family members try to come to terms with each other.

Parents acting in this vein:

  • treat the child actively, benevolently;
  • adequately evaluate his victories, failures, know about the possibilities;
  • deeply understand the goals, motives of actions;
  • suggest a further path of development of the child.

The advantage for children brought up in this style is:


Authoritarian style

Adults think they are always right. The personal opinion of the younger ones does not interest them. The child is totally controlled and suppressed by force, everything is decided for him, without his participation. Children in such a family do not have personal space, their initiative is suppressed, no one is looking for a compromise in the event of a conflict, prohibitions and intimidation predominate. In case of failure, severe punishment follows, only high achievements are required from the successor of the family.

The disadvantages of this style appear already in adolescence. Parental authority falls, the number of conflicts increases, the most severe means of influence lose their force. The character of children brought up in such a family can develop in two directions:

  1. A person does not have a clear life position, self-esteem. Desires and aspirations are absent, decisions are irresponsible.
  2. There are signs of despotism: a cynical attitude towards other people, hatred and rudeness towards family members, aggressiveness.

Indifferent style

A characteristic feature of the relationship is the lack of warmth, the child is neglected, which very soon affects his mental state. In an indifferent family, children grow up closed, distrustful, they behave aloofly towards their comrades, they have an increased anxiety threshold. Adolescents are irresponsible, impulsive, often fall into asocial groups.

The formation of personality can develop correctly if the child enters a favorable environment outside the family. He has the opportunity to develop his creative inclinations, to become strong, active.

Liberal or conniving style

Any restrictions are removed from the beloved brainchild. Parental non-interference in education, the gift of complete "freedom" lead to the development of the individual:

  1. Complete indifference, inability to build close relationships, mental callousness, inability to care for anyone.
  2. The young man "loses the coast" from permissiveness, does not keep his word, lies. Rudeness, thieving and licentiousness are not considered a defective quality.

note

It is not so much the wrong style of upbringing that influences the formation of the child's personality. Any typology represents a generalized idea of ​​what values ​​families preach and what relationships within them can be. The basis of interaction with children is the level of authority of adults. True authority begins to be built bit by bit from the moment when the child "lies across the bench." Contact does not arise by itself, it must be built.

Negative types of family education

Parental care is ineffective for many reasons:

  • due to the psychological illiteracy of adults;
  • lack of flexibility;
  • the presence of personal problems that are transferred to communication with the child;
  • transferring to younger family members the features of communication between father and mother;
  • emotional coldness of educators.

Read more: The role of the family in raising children

Destructive types of family education, the causes of which lie primarily in adults, have a number of classifications. Among them, the most typical are distinguished, which adversely affect the formation of a child's personality.

  1. Idol child. Full delight of numerous relatives, indulgence to any desire. Even the pranks of others are touching. A child in such a family turns into an egoist, capricious, self-willed, ready only to consume.
  2. Parenting like "Cinderella" demonstrates to the child that he is bad, unnecessary and flawed. He tries his best to resemble the parental ideal, but he is still punished for any reason.
  3. Making high moral demands. A child beyond his age is loaded with worries about the younger or older, they are forced to read and write almost from the cradle, to learn foreign languages, to play music. The disadvantage of such upbringing is that excessive loads will lead to the development of early neuroses.
  4. "Hedgehog gloves". Parents in a rigid form impose their opinion, dictate and order, vent anger on the child. The demand for unquestioning obedience is fraught; from a baby who does not know affection, an unresponsive person prone to demonstrative protests will grow up.
  5. Hyperprotection and hypoprotection equally harmful, badly reflected in the psyche. Excessive attention or complete neglect leads to the development of a defective personality, children join the ranks of losers.
  6. Privilege due to illness. A child is really sick or his physical weaknesses are exaggerated, parents constantly shaking about him do their child a disservice. Children in such families grow up with well-learned rights, but do not know anything about their duties, become sissy opportunists or sycophants.
  7. Contradictory upbringing. It is typical for a large family, where grandparents stick to their methods, and the father and mother are "pulled" in the other direction. Parenting styles are unstable, conflicting roles are imposed on children, they find it difficult to adapt to change, and over time show neurotic reactions.

note

The sources of a child's stress, as a rule, are not outside. There are many types of improper upbringing, it is parents who most often create neurotics from their babies. Loving and attentive parents will always notice the mental discomfort of the baby, without resorting to the help of specialists.

Why can't you handshake

  1. The child is weaker. The child's self-esteem suffers. Even if he begins to obey, this will not add to his happiness.
  2. A small person begins to be afraid of everything, ceases to trust adults. Who else to trust, if not parents?
  3. Those brought up in this way easily fall into bad company. Not finding love from the family, they feel more comfortable with the "kind" guys who share a cigarette, and then a "wheel".
  4. Self-doubt leads to overcompensation. Trying to achieve something, beaten in childhood will go "over the corpses."
  • Children need warmth. Do not be afraid to show warm feelings, talk more often, be interested in the opinion of the interlocutor.
  • Share family responsibilities. Junior members should have their own assignments.
  • It is necessary that the instructions you give look like a proposal, and not a dry order. Any communication should be confidential, emotional.
  • The system of prohibitions and punishments is discussed and understood in advance. Any censure is not addressed to the individual. The child is never bad. He did wrong, an adult explains why this is not good.
  • A teenager has the right to choose friends, clothes, parents do not interfere in telephone conversations and choose music to listen to.
  • Forget about old sins, always talk about the current state, explain why you are upset, do not press, do not physically humiliate.
  • Love your child, do not hesitate to show this feeling, be sincere, try to take the initiative.

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Style Sheets

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)Children's behavior (D.)
Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children, they are only interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. The main method of education is a stick and a carrot, and immediately after the punishment, encouragement can follow - “if only you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. show boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his dignity and justifying pranks. Such R. like to repeat: "So what, I myself was like that and grew up a good person." Permissive style keywords: "Do as you like!"(D.) left to their own devices. Alone, they are forced to deal with their little problems. Untouched in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, have many secrets. Often, D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, toadying, they love to lie, talk and show off. Such children do not have their own opinion, they do not know how to make friends, sympathize, empathize, because they have not been taught this. For them there are no prohibitions and moral norms. The learning process for D. is unimportant, the end result is important - a mark that they sometimes seek to cry out, defend, challenge. D. are lazy, do not like labor, either mental or physical. They make promises, but do not fulfill them; they are undemanding to themselves, but demanding to others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence at an older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D., to whom R. is indifferent, is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.
Parental behavior (R.)Children's behavior (D.)
Unlike R., who adhere to a conniving style, liberal-minded R. deliberately put themselves on the same level with the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of conduct, prohibitions, real help that a little man in a big world needs so much. R. mistakenly believe that such education forms independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set the goals of education and development, letting everything take its course. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, easily communicate with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, relieve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: "Do what you think is right."The children of liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional alienation, anxiety, isolation, and distrust of others. Can D. be capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. is not able to control their actions. Most often, either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up in liberal families, or, conversely, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, children of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.

Authoritarian style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)Children's behavior (D.)
Parents who choose an authoritarian style show a high level of control and a cold relationship. R. have clear ideas about how their child should be, and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative, independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, daily routine. Methods of punishment, command tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by the fact that “I was also punished, but I grew up a good person”, “An egg does not teach a chicken!”. At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Key words of the authoritarian style: "Do as I want!"D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not sure of themselves and their merits. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about them. A personality with a weak Self is formed, unable to contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, closing in on themselves, others fight desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility, suspicion and to others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Finding a tyrant in yourself in time and not breaking the life of a child is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)Children's behavior (D.)
Warm relations, high control are the optimal conditions for education, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk to children, encourage initiative, listen to their opinion. They coordinate the activities of the child and set rules based on his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but require discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. is always ready to help, cultivating, however, independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on an equal footing, authority, however, remains with the adult. Democratic style can be called the "golden mean". Keywords: “I want to help you. I am listening to you. I understand you".Democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which, as we remember, is the main goal of modern education. D. grow up independent, proactive, reasonable, self-confident people. These may not be ideal children at all, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students, leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative way, parents also contribute to their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Lapshina E.A., Duda I.V. Characteristics of styles of family education // Universum: Psychology and education: electron. scientific magazine 2017. No. 9(39).

There are 4 types of education: authoritative, authoritarian, liberal, indifferent.

Authoritative (democratic). The educator (teacher, parent) is aware of his importance in the development of the child's personality, but he also recognizes the right to self-development. He soberly understands which requirements should be dictated and which should be discussed. Within reasonable limits, he is ready to reconsider his positions, to compromise.

Liberal. An adult highly appreciates the child, considers his weaknesses forgivable, communicates easily, trusts the opinion of the child, is not prone to prohibitions, restrictions and control. But is such freedom within the reach of a child? Each age has its own characteristics, and for a small child, a liberal parenting style will do more harm than good.

Authoritarian. An adult is well aware of how must be a child and make every effort to bring him closer to the "ideal". Categorical demands, intransigence, excessive exactingness are the main components of authoritarian relations.

indifferent (permissive) . The problems of education are not paramount in an adult. The child has to solve his own problems (“let him grow up on his own, but I have no time”). There is no emotional connection in such a relationship.

Let us dwell in more detail on two especially common types of education:

These styles can be both in the family (relations parents / children), and the teacher in relation to the children of the group, class.

Authoritarian parenting style- a strategy of pedagogical influence, based on the unconditional submission of the pupil to the authority of the educator. Within the framework of this style, education itself is regarded as a purposeful process of personality formation; while the child performs object this process, which is influenced by subject upbringing - parent or teacher.

Authoritarian style upbringing is largely formed under the influence of the style of leadership and subordination adopted in society. Authoritarian power both in society as a whole and in any social group contributes to the planting of authoritarian relations in all spheres of public life. So, a person who is forced in his professional activity to unquestioningly obey his superiors, strives to plant a similar type of subordination in the sphere of family relations. Thus, in particular, he compensates for the dissatisfaction with his own dependent position in the official hierarchy and seeks to act as an unconditional authority in the sphere accessible to him - in family relations, in the upbringing of children. A significant role is played by the stereotypes of upbringing learned from childhood, which were demonstrated to a person by his own parents.

Opponents of the authoritarian style point out that it leads to the formation of a passive personal position in the pupil, conformism, thoughtless dependence on imposed authority. These arguments are largely correct. A child, accustomed from an early age only to obey, loses his creativity, tends to avoid responsible decisions; he lacks initiative and independence. At the same time, a hidden, unconscious lust for power is formed. Having acquired a fairly high status in adulthood, such a person, as it were, takes revenge on others for the humiliation suffered in childhood, resorting in turn to harsh methods of leading subordinates and raising their own children.

Currently, teachers and parents are increasingly abandoning this method of education, but in the 60-90s of the last century it was the main method of education used in educational institutions and, often, in families.

In opposition to the authoritarian democratic parenting style. Within the framework of this approach, the child is no longer considered as an object of influence, but as an equal subject of mutually directed dialogue. It is obvious that this style is the ideal of education. However, exclusive adherence to it is also fraught with serious problems.

In the earliest stages of its development, a helpless child simply does not have the potential to be a participant in equal interaction. Education at this stage can be regarded only as the influence of the elder on the child. But in the course of development, the process gradually acquires a mutually directed form, at first sharply asymmetric. A person becomes an equal participant in the interaction only upon reaching maturity. The task of the elders is to feel the pace of this progressive process and not make useless attempts to slow it down or speed it up.

Thus, in the early stages of a child's development, some elements of authoritarianism in his upbringing are useful and necessary. In some cases, one should not arrange a discussion about the expediency of some action, but unequivocally demand its implementation. The child learns to regulate his behavior gradually; at first, the regulatory function belongs to an adult. If there is no external regulation, the child's behavior continues to remain spontaneous, impulsive, and irresponsible for a long time. As the child grows older, he acquires the ability to accept external, social norms, requirements and restrictions as his own life attitudes. This is facilitated by healthy relationships in the family, which, losing elements of authoritarianism, are becoming more democratic.

So, elements of an authoritarian parenting style at a certain stage of a child's development can play a positive role. But if relationships in the family are constantly built on authoritarian principles, this leads to distortions in the development of the individual. Equally, the opposite extreme can give rise to promiscuity and personal immaturity.