What to do when the family collapses. How to save a falling apart marriage and go through a difficult period in family life with dignity Prayer to the Holy Mother of God for the preservation of the family

Religious reading: Prayer family breaks up what to do to help our readers.

A strong, happy family is what a self-respecting person should strive for. When there is harmony at home, your beloved second half, children are waiting - hardly anything can interfere with the mood.

However, when disagreements begin in the family, the situation is very difficult to control, if you let it take its course, the breakup of the family becomes only a matter of time.

Popular family prayers

The greatest problem of Orthodox families, especially young ones, is the lack of patience and humility. The family life of any couple should be based on these principles. It is hardly possible to find at least one pair that would initially ideally fit each other.

In family life, you should always expect scandals, quarrels, grinding - this is normal.

In difficult moments, a prayer for the preservation of the family will help to avoid the collapse of the family. If Orthodox Christians ask for heavenly powers from a pure heart, they will definitely respond and direct the spouses in the right direction. Moreover, prayers will help in the restoration of the family, when the break has already occurred, but the divorce has not yet taken place.

Be sure to follow the rules

Any appeal to heavenly forces, including a prayer for the preservation of a disintegrating family, must be carried out in accordance with the rules of the Orthodox Church. One of the fundamental rules is the need for baptism of both spouses. If you belong to a Christian church, be sure to go through the rite of baptism, this will allow you to achieve the greatest effectiveness of your prayers.

Harmony in the family can only come if you take the process seriously. It is recommended to memorize the words of the prayer for reconciliation, read it on the territory of the church, opposite the icon of the saint, whom they decided to turn to.

It is desirable that both spouses pray, it is in this case that a favorable outcome can be expected with one hundred percent probability.

However, even if only one of them prays, there is a great possibility of resolving the situation. While reading the prayer, focus on the idea of ​​\u200b\u200ba happy family, remember how happy you were before, project this image into the future.

Choose the right prayer

When not everything is fine between the spouses, the number of scandals has become more frequent, it is recommended to choose the appropriate prayer. She is able to smooth out sharp corners, cool the heads of brawlers, calm them down, push them to a calm dialogue.

An excellent option would be to write the words of a prayer on paper, then put church candles in a secret place where holy water is stored. It is recommended to collect holy water regularly and keep it in a bottle. After cleaning, it is sprinkled with corners in the apartment.

To restore harmony in the family, you can read a miraculous prayer for the elimination of troubles to the martyrs and confessors Abius, Guria, Samon.

Thanks to the saints, you can forget about quarrels, conflicts, abuse for a long time. The more often you think about solving the problem, read the words of the prayer, the more tangible the effect will be. When all the worst has already happened, and the second half has left the walls of the house, it is still possible to solve the problem. If you think you still have love in your hearts, praying for your family reunion will help. It is worth contacting directly St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, who is one of the most powerful intercessors of ordinary people.

The Blessed Virgin Mary is able to help you put things right in the family. Orthodox Christians venerate this saint and often seek help in family matters. It is better to read a prayer to her right in front of the icon.

Positive changes in the family are just around the corner

It is important to understand that prayer is only one of the means of solving the problem. In saving the family, the participation of both spouses is very important. The more real efforts you make to unleash the tangle of problems that served as a causal disaster, the sooner you will see the first positive results. It is advised for greater efficiency to act together and say prayers also together.

But one should not be limited to prayer alone: ​​it alone, even the most effective one, will not help. Talk to each other, make efforts to solve the problems that have arisen and analyze how to prevent them in the future.

Prayers for the preservation of the family: comments

Comments - 6,

When misunderstandings and insults happen in my family, and unfortunately, they are very difficult to avoid, I remember about the prayer to Aviva, Guria and Samon. I have a small icon with the image of these saints at home, and I read from it. When my heart is especially bad, I go to church to their icon, lighting a candle there, praying and asking the saints for help. Already at the exit it becomes easier. You perceive all problems in a completely different way, as if you are rethinking values. Powerful family prayer.

A woman left me for another, left me with three small ones, the first one hurt me solo, but with God's help, I realized that I need to live for the sake of children

Hello! For family peace and prosperity, I advise you to pray an akathist muchch. Guria, Samon and Aviv. The holy martyrs Guriy, Samon and Aviv are considered the patrons of marriage and married women. They are turned to for help during family troubles, they pray for love and understanding between spouses, for an end to hostility and strife in the family.

Hello, help me get my husband back. I sued my mother-in-law and my husband cannot forgive me for this, although she took everything from me and now also my husband

Help! My son's family is full of contention, discord! He married a woman with two children. At first everything was fine until she went to work and felt the taste of money. All the time she tries to tighten herself and that everyone does what she wants .There is no common “wallet”, only listens to the arguments of a friend. There is no reaction to her husband, as if he is not around and is always looking for some arguments regarding him, one way or another. He has a very dangerous job and is psychologically stressful. Currently, he is forced to leave home and wanders around other people's apartments. He loves children very much and misses them. What to do. Mother's heart is aching with pain! Help! Whom to pray and what to do. HELP!

Prayers are very strong and righteous. It so happened in my life that I believe in the Lord and in the Most Holy Theotokos with all my heart and soul, and I didn’t pray often. And only when I remembered them very badly. all the saints in my lost life. Amen!

Prayer for the preservation of the family

Family is the most important thing in our world. Closer than our parents, brothers, sisters and, of course, wives and husbands, we have no one. We can entrust our secrets and secrets to these people, as well as receive warmth that no one else can give. That is why we need to pray and ask God that he does not separate us from our loved ones and loved ones.

When and to whom to pray

The most important patron and protector of family peace and happiness is Nicholas the Wonderworker, who is customary to pray for everything that worries. It is he who must be asked for help and for God's mercy. You can do this at any time, but the most favorable is December 19, since on this day the church honors the memory of this saint.

Prayer for the family to Nicholas the Wonderworker:

O all-praised and all-pious bishop, the great Wonderworker, the Hierarch of Christ, Father Nicholas, a man of God and a faithful servant, a husband of desires, a chosen vessel, a strong pillar of the church, a bright lamp, a star shining and illuminating the whole universe: you are a righteous man, like a date that has flourished, planted in the courts of your Lord, living in the Worlds, thou hast been fragrant with the world, and exuding the ever-flowing grace of God. By your procession, Holy Father, the sea is illuminated, when your miraculous relics go to the city of Barsky, from east to west, praise the name of the Lord.

Also, as many probably know, it is customary to ask the Mother of God for family happiness and deliverance from problems. This is obvious, since the Virgin Mary was the only relative of Christ on the whole earth. In fact, she was the whole family of Jesus Christ. A difficult burden fell on her share, which she withstood with dignity and love in her heart. That is why it is possible and necessary to ask the Mother of God for help - because not every family is a cozy corner. Many families require God's help due to major health problems or constant turmoil caused by misunderstandings or separation.

Prayer to the Holy Mother of God for the preservation of the family:

Blessed Lady, take my family under Your protection. Instill in the hearts of my spouse and our children peace, love and non-controversy to all that is good; do not allow anyone from my family to separation and a difficult parting, to premature and sudden death without repentance.

And save our house and all of us living in it from fiery ignition, thieves' attacks, every evil situation, various insurance and devilish obsession.

Yes, and together and separately, clearly and secretly, we will glorify Your Holy Name always, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

All prayer words must be sincere and timely. If everything is fine with you, then you should spend a couple of minutes of your personal time on prayers of thanksgiving. This will be a tribute to the fact that God keeps you and your family without any effort on your part.

Remember that God is always with us - he will never send us something that we cannot endure, and will also help us in a difficult situation. Live according to the word of God, love your loved ones and do not forget to press the buttons and

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Prayer for the preservation of the family

Until now, in our articles, we have talked about individual prayer, when one person prays in complete silence at home or in front of icons in the church, and today we want to talk about family prayer, which should be performed by members of the whole family. Of course, a prayer for the preservation of the family can be performed by one person, for example, a wife or husband, but it is much more effective when all family members say it, or at least a husband and wife, but let's talk about everything in more detail

Why do we need a prayer for the preservation of the family

In the life of almost every family, there come moments when it seems that the relationship is on the brink of an abyss, and if one of the spouses does something wrong, says something inappropriate or offensive, then the once loving couple will break up.

Such a breakup can occur for various reasons, for example, due to the betrayal of one of the spouses, due to constant quarrels and reproaches, often the parents of one of the partners or even friends contribute to the divorce of the couple. There can be many reasons for divorce, a young family faces dangers and obstacles at every step, which many young people do not know how to go hand in hand, helping each other and supporting, as a result of which the cell of society can fall apart. But believers know that they are not alone in this world, and if they wholeheartedly and wholeheartedly turn to God for help, then He will definitely help them, if it is His will. And many believers, seeing that their family relationships are falling apart, begin to pray and read certain prayers. Of course, a prayer for the preservation of your family will certainly help, but the priests say that even if you do not know the text of this prayer, you can simply turn to the Lord in your own words, the main thing is that these words go through your heart so that they are sincere.

Often the troubles that are sent to us are needed so that we can see that we are going the wrong way. And if trouble has come to your house, then you should not grumble at God, on the contrary, you should thank Him and ask Him to help you get on the right path and maintain family relationships. If your husband wants to leave you, a prayer for the preservation of your family will help to reason with him.

Why Prayer Doesn't Help

Sometimes it happens that a woman prays, prays, but prayer does not help and the husband still wants to leave or has already left, and then a completely sensible question arises, why does prayer not help? And there are several explanations for this:

First, you need to know how to pray. Often we do not pray with humility, but demand from the Lord and His saints something for ourselves, in our case, to preserve love and relationships, but such demands rarely “work”, because prayer is not a demand, but a petition, and it must be done with humility, if there is no humility in your petition, then it is unlikely that what you ask will be given to you. When praying to the saints of God or God Himself, you must say “Not my will, but Yours,” and you must not only pronounce it, you must feel it with all your heart and understand it with your mind.

Secondly, often what we ask for ourselves can harm us in the future, but we either don’t understand it or don’t know it, unlike the saints who see what will be good for us in the future and what will be bad . Therefore, if you see that praying for the preservation of your family does not help, keep calm, do not give up and do not fall into despondency, which is a terrible sin in almost all religions. Be sure that if they don’t help you, and everything in your relationship with your spouse doesn’t go the way you would like, then this is how it was intended by God, it means that through these trials He wants to guide you on the true path and help save your soul .

Who needs to pray for the preservation of the family

Quite often, people have a question, to whom is the prayer for the preservation of marriage and family read? In fact, you can pray for the preservation of marriage to any saint, as well as to the Lord God Himself, but if you still want to purposefully pray to one saint, who more often than others helps in saving the marriage, then below we will give the names of several saints and prayers to them.

Petition to the Matrona of Moscow

There is probably no such Christian who has not heard about the Matrona of Moscow at least once, who, according to the testimony of thousands of people, fulfills almost all requests in a fairly short time, but, especially, before the icon of this saint, it is customary to pray for marriage, children and family, and More precisely, about the fact that the marriage is preserved and strengthened.

They also pray to the matronushka in everyday ups and downs, for example, when you need to get a job or find suitable housing. And if your family breaks up precisely because of problems with housing or work, or maybe you have disagreements on the issue of raising or having children, then in this case, priests and ordinary parishioners strongly recommend praying to the Matrona of Moscow.

But before you start asking Matrona to help save your marriage, she needs to make some kind of donation, or rather help someone, be it a dog, a bird or a person. Not all products are suitable for such a donation, but only those that we list. Such products are: granulated sugar or sugar, flour, honey, brown bread, walnuts, crackers, raisins, cookies.

In addition, you can go to the Intercession Monastery, where the relics of the saint are kept, and bring her fresh flowers.

And, of course, do not forget to read the following prayer before her image:

O blessed mother Matrono, now hear and receive us, sinners, praying to you, who have learned to accept and listen to all those who suffer and mourn in all your life, with faith and hope for your intercession and the help of those who come running, quick help and miraculous healing to everyone; may your mercy not fail now to us, the unworthy, restless in this many-fuss world and nowhere to find comfort and compassion in spiritual sorrows and help in bodily illnesses: heal our sicknesses, deliver from the temptations and torment of the devil, passionately fighting, help convey your worldly Cross, to endure all the hardships of life and not lose the image of God in it, keep the Orthodox faith until the end of our days, have strong hope and hope in God and unfeigned love for neighbors; help us, after departing from this life, reach the Kingdom of Heaven with all those who please God, glorifying the mercy and goodness of the Heavenly Father, in the Trinity of glory, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, forever and ever. Amen.

O blessed mother Matrono, with your soul in heaven before the Throne of God, your body is resting on the earth, and the grace given to you from above exudes various miracles. Look now with your merciful eye on us, sinners, in sorrows, illnesses and sinful temptations, your dependent, comforting, desperate days, heal our fierce ailments, from God to us through our sin, forgive us, deliver us from many troubles and situations, implore our Lord Jesus Christ, forgive us all our sins, iniquities and sins, even from our youth, even to this day and hour, we have sinned, but with your prayers, having received grace and great mercy, we glorify in the Trinity the One God, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and ever. Amen.

Petition to Blessed Xenia of Petersburg

Xenia the Blessed is perhaps the most famous and revered saint of all. People from different parts of Russia come to her at the Smolensk cemetery, asking for the healing of the sick, for marriage, for help in work and in the family, it is difficult to count all the requests that this saint helps. Therefore, if serious problems have ripened in your marriage, go to Mother Xenia at the Smolensk cemetery, hold a prayer service and write a note in which you write your request. If you do not have the opportunity to go to St. Petersburg to the Smolensk cemetery, where the relics of the saint rest, read the akathist and prayer in front of her icon. A prayer for the preservation of your family, uttered before the image of a saint, will certainly help.

O holy all-blessed mother Xenia! Under the roof of the Almighty, who lived, led and strengthened by the Mother of God, suffered hunger and thirst, cold and heat, reproach and persecution, you received the gift of clairvoyance and miracles from God and rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Now the Holy Church, like a fragrant flower, glorifies you. Coming at the place of your burial, in front of your holy image, as if you live with us, we pray to you: accept our petitions and bring them to the Throne of the Merciful Heavenly Father, as if you have boldness towards Him. Ask those who flow to you for eternal salvation, for good deeds and undertakings, our generous blessing, deliverance from all troubles and sorrows. Stand with your holy prayers before our All-Merciful Savior for us, unworthy and sinners. Help, holy blessed mother Xenia, illuminate the babies with the light of holy baptism and seal the gift of the Holy Spirit, young men and women in faith, honesty, fear of God, bring up and success in teaching them; heal those who are sick and ill, send down family love and consent; honor those who are monastics with a good feat and protect them from reproaches, affirm the pastors in the fortress of the Holy Spirit, preserve our people and country in peace and serenity, beg for those deprived of communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ at the dying hour. You are our hope and hope, speedy hearing and deliverance, we send thanks to you and with you we glorify the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

Archpriest Vladimir (Khulap) Doctor of Theology, Vice-Rector for Academic Affairs of the St. Petersburg Theological Academy

Family life is, of course, joy, but often serious trials. It happens that spouses live together for many years, and then at one moment they become strangers to each other, move away. Why is this happening?

Well, you probably can't say that it happens all at once. Two people who love each other - love so much that they are ready to really live together, live for a long period of time - and ideally all their lives - sooner or later they begin to face the fact that this period of falling in love or illusions ends, and it turns out that in front of me is not that angel, not that almost heavenly creature that I imagined in my dreams, in my some kind of pink glasses, but this is a specific person - with specific problems, with his weaknesses, with with their shortcomings. And my shortcomings are also especially bright and clearly manifested precisely during the period when two people live together. But, probably, no one knows another person as well as his spouse, because it is when two people live together, when they spend a significant part of their time in the same apartment every day, when they spend time together, these two “I” can either complement each other, mutually reinforce, help each other if they strive for this, or vice versa - they can become such brakes, let's say, preventing their joint development and disclosure. And therefore, probably, the problem begins in many respects at the stage already before marriage - why do this young man and this girl marry, what do they expect from a spouse? If a man is simply tired of cooking and washing, and he wants to get a housekeeper, then, of course, sooner or later he will face the fact that the woman is not ready for this, or is not ready for the fact that she is limited to the level of just such a free home work strength.

Probably, on the other hand, if a woman simply wants some kind of material well-being, prosperity, wants her husband to bring and give her a large salary, which she can already dispose of at her own request, the husband will also sooner or later have an understanding that that it is simply used as such a credit card, from which you can withdraw a certain amount of funds at any time indefinitely.

This idea of ​​consumption can also be realized at such a more serious level, when we very often try to assert ourselves at the expense of this person, the closest one. On the one hand, this is the closest person, and on the other hand, often because of this, he is the most disenfranchised. I have some problems at work, my boss scolds me, I can’t object to him, I accumulate all this anger in myself, and I come home and rip it all off on my wife - on my closest person, who won’t say anything maybe, which should listen to everything that I did not implement here during the working day. The same goes for the wife. If she works, in addition to work, she still has a lot of other household chores, but she probably hopes that her husband, well, at least, will tell her some affectionate pleasant words, hug and kiss, and not bury herself in the computer , TV or tablet.

Such a strange situation arises when people hope for happiness, but on the one hand, different people have different ideas about this happiness. On the other hand, very often each of them puts his personal egoism, his personal “I” at the forefront in the family. I say this not in terms of any judgment, but each person strives to realize his "I" in the most diverse components of his human existence. And this realization from the Christian point of view of my “I” is a realization through love as a service, through love not just as a source of consumption, when I use my spouse or my spouse at the levels of various satisfactions - carnal, bodily, spiritual, and and so on, but when I try to give my spouse something, when I try to put myself in his place, when I try to look at the situation - including the conflict situation, through his eyes, when I try to live life in such a way as to make my most beloved a person a little happier.

And very often it happens in such a way that a normal young man and a normal girl get married, everything is fine with them, and after a few years it turns out that he starts drinking or starts cheating, or she has some serious problems. But all this is already a kind of result of the fact that people, it seems to me, were rather inattentive to marriage - from this very initial period of its existence. If we do not brush our teeth every day in the morning and in the evening, the likelihood of developing caries increases many times over, although we do not see this process - it is very slow and imperceptible. Exactly the same here. If we don’t cleanse these human relationships of ours, if we don’t work on them, and for a Christian, this is not just some kind of psychological work, but this is work connected with prayer for your spouse, with prayer for your family, this is the Sacrament confession, repentance, when we bring repentance to God and awareness of all our human mistakes - not just to say how bad we are, but in order for something in our life to change; so that we don't repeat these mistakes. That's when this work begins to be perceived as the basis of joint family life, when marriage is seen not just as a source of satisfaction of pleasure and enjoyment - then real joy can come to the family. Because sooner or later in every family — believing, non-believing — there comes a period of serious crises associated with the birth of a child, and with some other family circumstances, when simply objectively human nature is such that serious problems begin. But this is how people are already able, during the period of these problems, they will treat each other - they will simply blame each other, they will hang some labels, they will strive to see only negative things in their spouse, look for all some negative black traits in his character and concentrate on them; or vice versa - the look will be completely different, and at the moment of the most difficult trials, the spouse will try to see this wonderful, that beautiful, that spark, that image of God that is in the person closest to him; to see that he or she fell in love when they entered into marriage and try to develop all this - then, probably, it will be possible to say that it is possible to constantly renew this love - to renew not just human strength, but also with the help of God, because God is Love, and thus the source of human love, including family love in particular. But, of course, there are situations, probably, when the whole process has already been launched, so to speak, so much so that it is already difficult to fix something. Although, from my pastoral practice, I would probably be able to say that if there is mutual consent of two spouses to save the marriage, to work to restore even this ruined marriage, all this is possible.

The first problems in the family arise after a year of marriage. This is due to the fact that it is difficult for two different people to get used to each other and to other people's habits. The romance that accompanies the beginning of a relationship is a thing of the past, it has been replaced by everyday life. It is difficult for both a man and a woman to wean from passionate kisses, carelessness and love. It's good if even after the wedding, the newlyweds try to maintain the spark of passion in the relationship. If life's difficulties, work and everyday life completely absorb lovers, then conflicts are inevitable. The accumulated fatigue from daily duties and monotony will one day spill out. At this point, you need to try to find a compromise, otherwise everything may end.

The next crisis is connected with the appearance of a child in the family. Even if the baby was desired and planned, his birth will somehow change the usual way of life. A man, by nature, cannot treat a child like a woman, because the father and the baby are more socially connected, so the young mother needs to be prepared for the fact that the husband may be afraid of new responsibilities. If a woman takes care of a child alone, then she will not have enough strength for love, especially since no one has canceled household chores. In this regard, the man will feel deeply abandoned and lonely. This will provoke even more detachment and anger. In this case, you can only hope for male pride. Tell your husband that you will take care of the baby, but you trust him only with upbringing and development. Explain this by saying that only a real man is able to raise a good person, so you are counting on help.

If the appearance of a child did not destroy the family, then the next time conflicts will arise approximately 6-7 years after the wedding. At this moment, feelings turn into a habit, interest in each other disappears, and sexual life becomes a rare monotony. Often during this period someone starts or. A person strives for a feeling of love, new emotions and self-worth. If love in the family has not gone away, it is necessary to deal with these problems and urgently innovate in relationships: change the situation, go on a romantic trip, pleasantly surprise your loved one with a change in your own image. The most important thing in this case is to return the sharpness of feelings.

The next problem in the family arises with the onset of a midlife crisis in a man. He wants to feel young and attractive. Therefore, your husband may begin to assert himself at the expense of other women. If you do not consider sex from the perspective of infidelity, then just calmly survive this time, the man will soon calm down. But if this is unacceptable for you in your family, then the only thing that will help to avoid this problem is a renewed passion in your couple. But keep in mind that such a period occurs in the life of almost any man, and perhaps you just need to close your eyes to it.

Almost the last problem of a spontaneous nature in the family arises when children grow up and go into adulthood. Parents feel abandoned, unnecessary, the main meaning of their life together disappears. If you do not find common ground and common interests at this moment, there is a high probability that both the husband and wife will begin to seek solace elsewhere.

However, such definitions do not necessarily fit every married couple. There are many people who know how to smooth out conflicts at the stage of their maturation, or perhaps a man and a woman understand each other perfectly. And there are families that are much more often, then people again begin to live together and can continue in this spirit for many years. In any case, be aware of the possible dangers and try to avoid them.

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• Such different families

When people start dating each other, they dream that their love will be eternal and they will always be together. Therefore, of course, they decide on marriage, because they want to be even officially one family. Unfortunately, not all marriages last forever. Increasingly, you can hear that this or that couple has divorced. Divorce statistics in the modern world are really disappointing. Relationships never end just like that, which is why modern divorces have the most common reasons.

Too early marriages break up very often. When people fall in love with each other in adolescence, they are absorbed only in feelings and do not think about anything else. They dream of being together all their lives and literally immediately after school they run to the registry office. And everything seems to be fine, because there is strong love between young people, but after a while a divorce happens. And all because the guy and the girl still perceive each other as teenagers, which they were at the beginning of the relationship, but time goes by and they grow up, they become different and are absolutely not ready for the changes that have overtaken them. In addition, the situation is aggravated by the fact that most people in the environment are free, they can spend their time as they please and are not tied to one person. If the partners do not work up, then this also leads to the collapse of the relationship.

The cause of the destruction of relationships and marriage can be a career. The time for romance passes, usually people begin to pay less attention to each other than before. Many are actively pursuing a career and at the same time forget about their soul mates. It seems to them that the relationship remains the same as it was before, but you need to consider that even in marriage, relationships need to be constantly and hard work.

One of the biggest reasons people break up is the kind of life that most couples aren't ready for. Previously, only romance was present in their relationship, but gradually it fades away and everyday problems appear in any case. But you need to be able to cope with them, then the relationship will be able to maintain. In addition, you need to try to bring at least a little romance to the family.

Not everyone can come to terms with a partner's habits, which only begin to open up when people live together. In a person, everything begins to annoy and, naturally, it becomes difficult to continue building relationships.

For modern people, money is very important, because they understand that it is extremely difficult to live without it. Therefore, when financial difficulties begin in a family, many families break up due to conflicts due to lack of material resources.

The family is collapsing ... Yes, she loved, yes, she idolized, but what if these verbs are all in the past tense? Psychologists advise: you need to discuss problems with your husband. We tried to discuss, but everything ended again with mutual accusations. And it's not that he changed or betrayed. We just started annoying each other. Something that I had not paid attention to before, somehow sharply began to bulge out. And you no longer wait for the arrival from work, and joint weekends are burdensome.

All this, of course, did not happen suddenly. As in any family, there were some misunderstandings, quarrels, then reconciliation. But then things got worse. Resentment accumulated, to understand and forgive - a lot is possible, but it is not always possible to forget. And at the most inopportune moment, the words he heard from him hurtful to tears come up in my memory, or the day when, having broken his promise to stay with me and my daughter, he went fishing with friends.

But how you want happiness! They say you need to forgive. I forgave. But after a while everything happened again. And I no longer had the strength to look at the cracks on the glued pot. They tell me to endure and put up for the sake of my daughter. But is it really so good for my daughter in a family where the air sparkles from mutual irritation? She is small but understands everything. When the atmosphere in the house is calm, she is cheerful and frisky. If it smells like a thunderstorm (although we never sort things out with her), she quietly plays with toys. Living in a marriage just for the sake of children is stupidity. You can not live with an unloved person for the sake of children. Yes, I am madly in love with my daughter, I want only the best for her and I think that she will understand me (God forbid she find herself in the same situation).

We often listen to the opinions of others. What will the neighbors say? What will they think at work? How will mom survive? But life is ours and it is one. Time passes, and suddenly you realize that happiness has passed by, that, perhaps, having acted differently, everything would have been completely different.

We (girls) are taught from childhood to give in, to endure, and when they talk about a happy family, they put all the responsibility for this on women. Yes, of course, the situation in the family largely depends on the woman, but is it really right and fair to endure, ignore, put up and please, please, and once again please. After all, I also have the right to fall asleep and wake up happy, and not be a machine for the production of cleanliness, comfort and peace for the rest of the family.

If a building collapses, it means that it has serious damage, or it was built incorrectly, or the materials are not right. So is the family. If it collapses, then it is almost impossible to restore it to its original state. I do not mean when the decision to break off relations is made in a state of passion, because of a quarrel or misunderstanding that broke out. If there is no harmony, mutual understanding, warmth and love in the family, then what should be preserved and for what? My conviction is that there is no need to try by any means to restore the old relationship. It won't work, even if you try hard. Anyway, they will never be the same, and it will not work for a long time to force yourself (if you have to do it), even for the most sacred purpose.
All people have the right to be happy, and one should try to become such. It is possible that, after parting with my husband, I will remain alone, and personal female happiness will bypass me. But at least I tried.

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Indeed, it is not worth keeping such a family, especially for the sake of children. Children should grow up in a friendly environment. My mother lived with her husband for the sake of us children. An excellent hostess and mother, she constantly did not suit him. We heard only mats and reproaches. And he disappeared on fishing and hunting - he did not need a family.

My friend tried to keep the family together for the sake of her three daughters. But the author is right, a pot glued together will never become complete. Years of humiliation and patience did not bring her happiness. Now older daughters blame their mother for being the first to decide on a divorce. (And the husband silently agreed. He was ready for this, but did not want to take responsibility). Have grown up. And they do not remember family troubles. And a friend regrets that she did not dare to take this step for so many years.
If it doesn't work out, it's better to leave.

And my husband has gold and cleans and cooks and loves and won’t say a bad word, but the feelings went away anyway. I've been suffering for half a year now and don't know what to do. annoying with every movement, I break down all the time!

• I fell in love 5 years ago (in 2008), left my ideal husband. But life with a loved one did not work out, my 13-year-old child was against it, their relationship did not work out. Husband took it back after 9 months of separation. We still live, but it is no longer life. He seems to be perfect, but everything in him annoys: how he eats, how he sleeps, how he dresses. I can't help myself. There is almost no intimacy, there is no desire to go home. We live and suffer. He understands everything, he is offended that I do not appreciate him, but because of his love for me, he forgives everything. We've been together for 15 years, I don't know how to fix it.

  • This is what it means to follow the lead of a child. It is clear that the child will be against it. But you ruined your life. And I don’t understand your husband either - I think that in this case the attitude “died - died like that” would be more correct. It's not so much the presence of love as the lack of self-respect.

And my first husband also threatened to take my daughter away, yelled that he would stuff me into a psychiatric hospital and there were a lot of things in general ... I put up with him for five years, then they converged again to smithereens ... Financially, I did not depend on him, but I was also afraid that he would take the child. Then I realized that I was feeding myself, my daughter was also able to feed and drove him away ... And he kept shouting that he would take away his daughter, that he supposedly would give her everything, but I can’t do anything, so these exhausts on the drum were for me ... He went to his daughter for the first half a year after the divorce, went every day, then disappeared for two months, came again three days after her birthday, brought two bags of all sorts of nonsense, spent an hour with her, played, left ... since then I I didn’t even see him again, I didn’t even hear him, four years have already passed ... no alimony, no gifts, no attention to my daughter, she will go to school next year, she has a new dad for two years and a new grandmother, since those relatives know about they don’t want her ... I’ll tell you this, the peasants need children while they still want to return their wife, and then , they don’t care about their children ... And if someone falls in love with a woman, loves her children too - his own experience confirms it !!! There is no family without love, trust and mutual understanding, these are the main three pillars on which the family rests, and for the sake of children it is not worth living in scandals and enduring a person with whom, no matter how hard you try, you can’t glue anything ... Children will not be better for this, so if it didn’t work out, then it’s better to disperse, happiness will still find you ... Good luck!

By the way, it has been noticed that “ex-husbands” are more trying to maintain relations not with their daughter, but with their son. And then ... even this is temporary: either they are announced almost every week, then they disappear for years ... And what kind of relationship is there after that, if over time they become, in fact, completely strangers to each other.

I have three children, a 14-year-old son and a 3-year-old twin daughter, there was such love, but as I gave birth to twins, there was no help, only to walk and complain about me to relatives, endured, quarreled, parted, put up, I am 6 years older than him, I started to manipulate my age, I’m 41 and he’s 35, yes, I look like a girl, and I need his mother who needs you with 3 children, and he stuck to me about me. I cried for half a year, then I collected his things and out the door, my apartment, independent and provided, so he still tears about love, but it’s funny to me (what love, conveniences were deprived of) to go through so many offensive words, to raise children myself even with him, but there was no family, no one destroyed anything. If I gave birth to children for him, accepted him into my living space and fed both him and the children, and he only asserted himself at my expense, nothing was destroyed. Just before moaning, you need to think, was she a family? If there was a family with healthy family values, with mutual understanding, interchangeability, trust, support, respect, then you can’t destroy it with anything, and if it collapses easily, then there was nothing ... there wasn’t ... you need to live and be happy ... I didn’t lose anything, and very happy...

• Good job. And about the fact that “who needs it with three children” - this is a superb in vain - I saw examples that they didn’t sit with four without a peasant. And not with the most winning appearance. It depends on the person.

I am 30 years old. We have problems in the family that can ruin it.

I have been dating my wife for over 10 years. We are peers. We got married 8 years ago and immediately began to live together. Three of us live in our apartment, me, my wife and my daughter (daughter is 3.5 years old). For a long time they could not have children, the long-awaited child.

We have no domestic and material problems.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, but I'm in poor health and therefore get sick often. Both of us rarely meet friends, we spend all our free time together at home. We rarely go out for fun. We spend all evenings and weekends together.

We have almost no domestic quarrels, if there are minor and quickly resolved ones.

Main problem.

The problem is that my wife tells me that I pay little attention to her.

And every year this claim becomes more frequent. He calls me a "rusk" for the fact that I "badly" express my feelings, I don't talk about it much. I don't compliment her. Well, what can I do, I’m such a person, as they say, women love with their ears, but I can’t speak beautifully.

At first I agreed with this and took action, but lately I don’t understand what is already happening.

Well, for example, she used to say that I don’t say much that I love her. So now I say that I love her 5-10 times a day, she says that this does not mean anything, that these are ordinary words.

I reproached that I didn’t send SMS, I began to send it every day, now he also says that this is not a sign of attention. I try to at least do it every day.

In general, some kind of vicious circle, if I don’t do something, and then I start doing it, I still don’t like it, says that I don’t feel love from me.

I usually get up earlier for work, I leave in the morning, I always hug, I say that I love, I kiss. I call and text from work. In the evening I will definitely kiss you. In the evening, of course, I don’t show myself much, although the work is not hard, but I get very tired, usually I don’t do anything, I sit at the computer or watch TV, my wife is also busy with something at this time, it’s rarely even possible to watch a movie together.

The wife herself is very rarely the first to say that she loves me, usually only to my words “I love you”. To come up and hug, oh, I forgot when it was the last time.

My wife says it's not normal that at 30 we have a 50 year old relationship, no sweet surprises like before, no romantic dinners. She herself does not initiate romantic things, when asked why, she answers that I once offended her, with this and that, and she will never do this again.

I say that the family is 2 people, I alone can’t warm up our relationship, we both have to do something for this, especially since I’m a “rusk”

Now, again, due to the fact that I pay little attention, my wife was offended and does not want to get out of this state for probably 10 days. The last time 3 days ago in bed I hugged and kissed my wife, she didn’t even want to kiss, I was offended. For a week now I have not kissed, hugged my wife or said nice words.

I now understand that over the years, love, passion, hormones flow into other forms of expressing love, it seems to me that this is what happens with us, and my wife says that it should not be like this, that we have a relationship like 50 year olds. Or am I wrong?

Psychologists are wise people, they have seen a lot of family destinies, anyway, everything is about the same for everyone, so I want to hear from you such advice:

1. Such conflicts as we have now, when we talk like strangers, ruin our family, kill love?

2. Is it worth keeping a family? I'm already confused in this, resentment and emotions do not allow me to think with a cold head. I understand that I will regret if I ruin my family now, but I want to punish my wife, show her that without me it’s not a fact that it will be better.

3. I see different families around me, there are husbands who are much worse than me in everything. The wife says maybe her husband is at home all evening in his arms, I don’t believe it, is it true?

4. Is it right that one person (i.e. me) should pull our relationship? After all, if I don’t hug my wife for a couple of days, it turns into scandal. Although she could prevent it all (by hugging, kissing) me

5. Tell me directly, you can be rude, but honestly, which of us is a fool?

Thank you dear psychologists for your help.

You helped me a lot. Thanks for your help people. How important it is to receive such support.

I read on the advice of Chapman's book "5 Love Languages", I really liked the book, I found answers in it, what is it to "pay attention to your wife."

I would like to wish you health and love. And wish everyone a Happy New Year.