What you need to know about domestic violence. domestic violence
Today she did not add salt to her soup, yesterday she brightly painted her lips, and last month she was late at work for two hours ... Even if you follow all the orders, stop communicating with your friends, parents and slide around the apartment like a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.
What is the bad character of the husband? Unfortunate fate? The reason for violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.
Concrete cubes of high-rise buildings coldly reflect glass, protecting privacy. Each block of apartments has its own secret. Domestic violence against women is almost a taboo subject. Women try not to advertise such relationships, children are afraid to talk about it ...
Violence is a reflection of the swamp of the soul
Domestic violence for this woman is familiar, like borscht for lunch, but always shockingly scary, like the first time her beloved husband raised his hand against her.
Today she didn't finish the soup, yesterday she put on bright lipstick, and last month she was late at work for two hours. The list of unacceptable acts is growing, the psychological pressure is growing. Even if you follow all orders, stop communicating with girlfriends, parents and slide around the apartment like a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.
What is the bad character of the husband? Unfortunate fate? The reason for violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.
Not every woman experiences domestic violence. This tragic scenario develops only if each partner has certain properties given by nature.
Causes of domestic violence - an unsuccessful wife or a bad husband?
She married Dr. Jekyll, but is regularly abused by Mr. Hyde. Children every day fearfully await the return of their father. Lessons learned perfectly, there is not a speck of dust in the house, the soup recipe is rechecked with all care. But late at night, a stern husband and father enters, the reason for discontent is found, and again there is no protection and nowhere to hide from his heavy hand.
Each person is created according to the principle of pleasure. He applies his properties and receives joy, satisfaction from this. But when innate properties do not find realization, voids arise, so-called frustrations, a person feels unhappy. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains what the features of the manifestation of frustrations in each are connected with.
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»Increasingly, domestic violence occurs in families in Russia. But not everyone understands how to behave in this situation. In most cases, the victims remain that way and do nothing to combat the abuse. The reasons for this can be different - fear for one's life or for children, complete dependence on a sadist, shame, banal ignorance of the algorithm of actions when faced with a problem. All this is not so important. After all, the fact remains that domestic violence in such cases remains unpunished. Most often, people may not be aware of what is really happening in a particular family. How to recognize a domestic tyrant? What should you do if you are the victim of such an act? Which law enforcement agencies should I contact? All this and more will be discussed below.
What is domestic tyranny
Domestic violence - what is it? Not everyone is able to fully explain this phrase. Most often, violence refers to either the commission of sexual acts against the will of the victim, or the infliction of harm to health (for example, beating). To some extent, this is true. More precisely, all this is only a small part of domestic violence.
This term is commonly understood as any abuse within the family circle. Instilling a sense of guilt, infringement of rights, constant prohibitions on freedom of action - all this is violence. It can be both moral, and material, and physical. Most often there are cases of a combination of varieties of tyranny. The problem of domestic violence is becoming more and more urgent every year. Therefore, it is worth knowing what punishment is due to the guilty, where to turn for help and how to recognize the threat in advance.
Punishment
Let's go straight to the law. At the moment, domestic violence can be punished under several articles of the Criminal Code at once. Everything depends on the consequences. For example, an act can be interpreted as torture or beatings, and these are different "weight" categories. However, most often the degree of punishment remains the same. Which one?
Practice shows that now it is customary to put people behind bars for domestic violence in the family. How much? It all depends on the nature of the harm done to the victim. On average, the violator can be imprisoned for 3 years.
By the way, this is one of the reasons for the silence about what is happening. The punishment may be more severe if there are aggravating circumstances. But domestic violence, which is punishable by imprisonment, can result in huge problems for the victim in the future. It's no secret that people do not change and are not re-educated. And the victims have no real guarantees of safety. Everyone in the family knows each other. And revenge is not ruled out. Yes, the law, as it were, protects citizens, but it does not provide 100% security guarantees in the future. Thus, eradicating domestic violence is very difficult. And not everyone and not always can count on even 3 years of rest from a tyrant. 
The fact is that sometimes everything costs, excuse the pun, with little bloodshed. The rowdy can be detained for a maximum of 15 days. And then in the case of minor injuries in the victim. It doesn't matter who was abused in the home - women or children. If it was of a one-time nature and was not accompanied by serious consequences, then the perpetrator faces a maximum short-term arrest.
Decriminalization
But recently, they want to decriminalize violence in the home. Such proposals have already been voiced in the Russian government more than once. This means that domestic violence against children and women (and men too, if it occurs) will be decriminalized.
What is proposed to replace the punishment? Administrative responsibility. In other words, the payment of an appropriate fine. It will have to be calculated based on the nature of the damage inflicted on the victim.
However, society considers such a measure wrong. Even in the presence of criminal liability, people rarely complain about domestic violence in any form. And if we note "criminality", then the problem will become even more aggravated. And violators or individuals prone to violence will begin to feel their complete impunity. In any case, the final decision has not yet been made. And so far, for such actions, of course, if there is evidence, either imprisonment for up to 3 years, or arrest for 15 days is required.
Not a crime
Perhaps you will be surprised, but many believe that domestic violence is not a crime, but the most common domestic conflict. Or family. Perhaps that is why it is not the first time that the decriminalization of this offense has been proposed. 
In reality, this is not so. According to the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia, about 80-85% of beatings and other manifestations of violence happen in the family. That is, domestic violence is a common phenomenon, and even very dangerous. Especially when it is done to children. By the way, in Russia and many other countries this form of violence is not considered harm. Rather, it is a method of education. But what if you or your children are victims? How to behave? Where to apply?
Run to the police
So, you have seen or experienced domestic violence. Where to apply? As soon as possible, you should contact the police and write an appropriate statement about what is happening. Describe the full picture of what is happening. After that, you need to do something else - go to a medical facility and remove the beatings.
In general, if there is physical violence, and more than once, then the beatings must be removed every time. In litigation, such a technique will only confirm your case.
In practice, contacting the police is not very common. Especially when there is domestic psychological abuse. This form is perhaps the most dangerous. And the situations here require not a direct appeal to law enforcement agencies, but a clear algorithm of actions taken before writing the application. But more on that later. Have you been subjected to domestic violence? Help can be expected not only from the police. And from whom else?
Court
For example, from the court. Sometimes, with irrefutable evidence, a medical report, and courage, victims go straight to court. This is a perfectly adequate solution. It will speed up the process of punishing the rapist-tyrant. 
The only problem is that rarely anyone takes up the consideration of such applications. Most often, violence in the family circle is regarded as a domestic quarrel. And either it is not considered by the court at all, or the punishment is imposed that does not correspond to reality.
An exception is the presence of serious consequences after the incident. Not psychological in nature, as a rule. If as a result of domestic violence the victim was seriously harmed, then the court will definitely pay attention to your case. True, litigation also most often does not reach.
Help Centers
Victims of domestic violence very often endure and silently endure everything that happens, because they do not know where to turn. Especially when it comes to children, as well as women. It is these two categories of the population that in most cases find themselves in a position dependent on the tyrant.
Where to "go" if you are a victim of domestic violence? Each city has special crisis centers and social support centers. That's where you can go in this situation. Here, women and children are offered shelter, as well as assistance in solving the problem - usually in the conduct of legal proceedings. In some cases, they are even looking for work. For example, a nanny in a children's room. You shouldn't be afraid. In such organizations, women and children will be under full protection. The main thing is to find out exactly where to apply, at what addresses appropriate assistance can be provided.
Not in the open
The most common is domestic violence. To be honest, this form is extremely difficult to recognize. And it is very difficult to deal with it. Despite all the laws in force in Russia. Why? In court, as a rule, and in the police too, they usually deal with physical violence. And the psychological is something that can be hidden, it is not visible. In addition, it is very difficult to prove this type of bullying. 
How to be in that case? By the way, domestic violence against children is most often of a psychological nature, and all because of the high probability of going unpunished. Nevertheless, some algorithm of actions still takes place with such an appeal.
First, we need witnesses. They often don't exist. But this is not such a problem, because it is enough to notice some changes in a person’s behavior in order to guess about pressure and psychological violence. It is not necessary to be a direct witness to what is happening. You can do without support, but its presence will only speed up the process of litigation.
Secondly, you must prove the fact of psychological abuse. How exactly? By any available means - to provide video and audio recordings, for example. Or by taking a rehabilitation course with a psychologist. Medical professionals can issue a health certificate. And in it to indicate the fact of the presence of psychological violence in the family. This is the most important document, without which it is unlikely that anyone in Russia will deal with domestic tyranny of this nature.
Third, be determined and don't be afraid. As soon as you have evidence of violence in your hands, you can contact the police or the court, as well as go to social support and protection centers. Fear is the main problem of modern society. Because of it, most of these crimes go unaddressed, and the perpetrators go unpunished.
Causes
It is already clear how widespread domestic violence is. The reasons for its appearance are varied. But in most cases, all this is due to "problems in the head." In other words, the causes of domestic violence lie in the psychological state of the tyrant. 
What can be the source of such inclinations? A lot of things. Most often, the cause is a psychological problem of childhood. Namely, the use of violence against the current tyrant.
Secondly, people who are not self-confident, with low self-esteem are prone to such acts. At the expense of others, they simply assert themselves. And they do this, as practice shows, with the help of the family - an outsider is inclined to defend their rights. But a close relative, wife, husband or child, on the contrary, is silent about what is happening.
Thirdly, the lust for power. Domestic violence of any type is a kind of demonstration of power, elevation above other people. In principle, here, too, everything can be attributed to low self-esteem. But sometimes even people without this problem, who simply love power, practice domestic violence. Quite relevant option in relationships with children. Through domestic tyranny, parents show how powerful and powerful they are.
Fourth, character can be the cause. In itself, the tendency to aggression is the source of the propensity to violence. It is very difficult to predict how a person will behave. Maybe just scream, or maybe dissolve his hands.
Social stress is also a cause of domestic tyranny. We are talking about intra-family conflicts. It can be anything - from disagreement in matters of repair to views on lifestyle and parenting. Any disagreement can lead to domestic violence.
As you can see, most of this behavior is purely psychological in nature. It is almost impossible to say exactly why this happens. The list of reasons can be continued for a very long time: complexes, a thirst for revenge, mental disorders and much more. But the fact remains that if domestic violence has begun, it must be dealt with. By the way, in psychology and society there are several criteria that will help you recognize a domestic tyrant. It's enough to take a good look at people. Even the seemingly most adequate, kind and balanced person can turn out to be a kind of sadist.
How to recognize
Domestic violence in the family is preventable. To do this, you need to recognize a potential tyrant in time. And either help those who are in danger, or simply not associate life with such a person. If we are talking about a close relative (for example, a parent), it is better to break off relations with him. And warn other family members of the danger.
Domestic tyrants are prone to aggression, and very often it is for no reason. And the point here is not at all in the character of a person. If someone from your environment has been showing excessive aggression lately, this is the first "bell". 
Also, pay attention to the person's behavior in general. Is he dissatisfied with something? Walks gloomy, criticizes everyone all the time and does not follow the language? In such an individual, most likely, "education" by domestic tyranny is practiced in the house. And he is the main contributor.
By the way, if you are somehow forced to break off relations with your friends or relatives, this is also another "bell". For an appropriate gap, you will be encouraged to varying degrees. But all this is just preparing the ground for domestic violence. Please note: not all such cases are accompanied by the act we are considering - maybe a person is just a pessimist in life. But in practice, such behavior should arouse suspicion.
Complete control of the situation and excessive patronage also indicate that a person is prone to dominance and violence. Most likely, it is carried out (or will soon be carried out) in his family. The situation speaks for itself: the thirst for power and complete control with infringement of rights is another item on the list of characteristics of a domestic tyrant.
Most often, it is very difficult to recognize such a person. Most often in public, in society, these are respected people, quite adequate, with full-fledged wealthy families. Or just exemplary parents. And this is another reason for the impunity of the violator of the law. Yes, there is an opinion that most often domestic violence is observed in asocial families. This is not so, or rather, not quite so. Be that as it may, unfortunately, domestic violence against women and children is a fairly common phenomenon. And we can and must fight it. As you already know.
This year saw the release of the first season of Big Little Lies, which tells the story of a long-married couple played by Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgård. Their relationship is full of violence and disrespect for each other: from small quarrels to physical assault.
The series reflects the situation in modern families. The statistics are harsh: every fourth woman and 1 in 7 men have experienced domestic violence. The topic of abuse is increasingly being raised in the media, and in 2015, Twitter users even launched a flash mob: they wrote stories about family life under the hashtags “Why I left” and “Why I stayed.” I have compiled for you 15 signs by which you can recognize violence in the family or relationships.
Myth: Domestic violence is always physical. If you don't get hit, what's the problem?
Rachel Godsmith, program manager for the protection of victims of domestic violence, says:
Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of power and control in a relationship. A person can control another person in many ways that are not physical.
1. Constant checks
There is a fine line between normal and abusive relationships. If you're constantly texting your partner and you tell each other what you're doing, that's fine. But sincere concern is replaced by total control, when a partner wants to know around the clock where you are and what you are doing. Recognizing a violent tendency is very easy: you begin to feel guilty for your actions.
2. Isolation from friends and family
Early warning flag: when a partner tries to isolate you from family, friends, or some kind of activity. He may say that they are not good enough for you or that they have the wrong outlook on life. One thing is important: after severing ties, it becomes difficult to seek support.
3. Allegations of treason
Abusive relationships are full of jealousy. It is easy for an abuser to imagine that a partner is unfaithful, even if there is no evidence of this. In turn, the accused can try his best to convince that there is no romance on the side. This adds even more stress to the relationship.
You don't want your partner to think that you are doing something wrong.
4. Constant messages and calls
In 2017, the abuser expects to be able to reach his partner at any time. A few missed, and - boom! - Get accusations of irresponsibility, disrespect or treason.
5. Shaming
In an abusive relationship, the emotional abuser will constantly shame their partner for everything from appearance and intelligence to the people they interact with. In this way, the tyrant strengthens his power over the victim.
6. Financial restrictions
Financial abuse can take many forms, and the abuser has the ability to control the amount the partner has access to. In the course is the restriction of cards, and the number of hours in which you can work.
7. Demands to explain who you spend time with
This is another form of control that the abuser uses to make the partner feel guilty, like they are doing something wrong.
8. Forced sex
Sexual coercion is a large area of domestic violence. The abuser may pressure that he deserves sex, or actually force physical intimacy by saying that you need to have sex to "prove your love, or he will go somewhere else."
9. Gaslighting
A common form of emotional abuse in which the abuser convinces the partner that he is going crazy. So the victim begins to question their own perception of the relationship. The whole purpose of gaslighting is to break someone else's sense of reality for further control.
10. Treason
Abusers may intentionally cheat in order to later blame their partner and intentionally make them feel bad, or to show how much they are in demand by other people.
11. Reducing the importance of parenting or housework
Victims of abuse are often criticized for the way they raise their children. Partners may use this as an excuse for their abuse.
12. Ban on drugs
Another tactic often used by manipulators is to restrict a partner's reproductive freedom. For example, hiding or destroying birth control pills or condoms to gain power over a partner. Among all the studied cases of emotional violence, a third of women were subjected to this manifestation.
It is important to understand that a woman has the right to make her own choices regarding sexual and reproductive health. No one has the right to dictate to her how to control him.
13. Requirements for intimate photos
While sexting can be an enjoyable part of a romantic relationship, the abuser sends sexual photos of themselves and demands the same in return.
14. Transferring blame to a partner
Some may deny and accuse the victim of actually being manipulative. The most popular method is to point out that the partner did something “wrong”, and this forced them to take retaliatory measures.
15. Requiring passwords
In some cases, abusers require all passwords from accounts in order to control the life of their victim also online. It is important to remember that you should not share passwords with anyone if you do not want to.
Why is emotional abuse difficult to deal with?
I have worked with many women who have been victims, and they have felt a great sense of shame for loving the one who tormented them. They saw in the abuser the person they once fell in love with.
— Cathy Ray-Jones, President of the American Domestic Violence Hotline.
There are no victims who have experienced domestic violence only once. When they say "once", it can refer to a physical manifestation of violence, such as a slap. But isolation, constant insults and threats are repeated from time to time.
What to do?
Conversations about domestic violence keep returning to the same question: how to get away? There is a myth that getting out of such a relationship is an easy decision. In fact, the victims often find themselves economically dependent on the abusers: they have nothing to pay for rent, services and food. Especially complicating the task is the presence of a joint child who requires care.
There is also a justified fear that an attempt to leave a partner will cause new problems: the strictest isolation and physical manifestations of violence. There are enough stories in the media about how a husband killed a woman and children. Women know the threats are real.
Another aspect is also important: everyone wants to be a savior, but you can't just save another person in a dependent relationship. You can only support, give a certain resource so that the victim gets on his feet. Friends and family of the victim should offer support and show that their environment is safe and open. There is an opinion in society that it is worth just having a heart-to-heart talk with the victim, and then everything will fall into place, but this is not so. Pushing an addicted person to leave will also not lead to good results.
If the victim feels that they are not being heard and pressured, then most likely this person will no longer be trusted. Psychologists recommend listening and making it clear that you are concerned about their condition and are ready to help.
Victims of domestic violence should undergo a mental health screening to identify possible depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. Few victims come out of a situation of prolonged domestic violence emotionally and physically unscathed. The best thing you can do for yourself is to spot the signs and get the proper help.
The problem of domestic violence in Kazakhstan, unfortunately, is a taboo topic for many, and victims very often simply cannot muster up the courage to seek help from a crisis center or the police. In this case, relatives, friends or colleagues can come to the rescue. We asked experts about what domestic violence is and how to deal with it at the public and state levels. What to do if this problem has directly affected your friends? "Health Expert" understands how you can help a person who is faced with
with beatings in the family, with the help of the chairman of the Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan Zulfiya BAYSAKOVA and lawyer Zhanar NURMUKHANOVA.
What is "domestic violence"?
According to the Constitution of the Republic of Kazakhstan, human dignity is inviolable, no one should be subjected to torture, violence, cruel treatment. This also applies to
security of the individual from encroachment within his family. But the reality is too often the opposite. Today, domestic violence is one of the most acute social problems.
According to the definition of Article 4 of the Law of the Republic of Kazakhstan “On the Prevention of Domestic Violence”, it can be expressed not only in the form of physical or psychological, but also in the form of sexual and (or) economic violence. Some family members become victims of constant pressure, insults, nagging, beatings, bullying. Anyone can become a victim of domestic violence - a woman who is beaten by her tyrannical husband; a girl suffering from sexual persecution by her stepfather, brother, or even her own father; a boy who is beaten by his mother; old people who are hated by their own children. However, the gendered nature of domestic violence is still significantly biased towards violence against women by men.
In many families, abuse is passed down from generation to generation, from the fact that it is considered useful for educational purposes to spank a child on the buttocks, ending with the fact that the patriarchal foundations that prevail in our society consider it permissible to beat wives for the same "education". But the nature of family relationships is of great importance for the behavior of the child in the future. And, becoming adults, children learn the model of conflict resolution that reigned in the family - it turns out a vicious circle, to break which
very difficult.
Why is this happening?
The purpose of domestic violence is to establish control and power over the victim, when the abuser seeks to become the "master" of her life. It has no specific reason other than where one seeks to control behavior and feelings
another and suppress him as a person at different levels. As soon as the victim submits, she becomes helpless, cannot soberly assess the situation, no longer tries to defend herself. Being in a kind of stress buffer, victims of domestic violence often refuse any attempts to help them.
Conspiracy of Silence
Manifestations of violence are cyclical: a case of violence - reconciliation - a period of peace - an increase in tension - violence. Over time, the cycles most often shorten in time, and domestic violence becomes more severe. It is always important to remember that once it has happened, domestic violence is likely to continue. After some time, the “peaceful period” will again move into the “increased tension” phase, which will inevitably be followed by the “violence” phase.
Unfortunately, there is a global problem in society - the so-called conspiracy of silence. Victims cannot and do not want to admit that domestic violence has been committed against them. What if someone by chance
becomes a witness to such an incident, it is considered normal not to interfere, not to notice, to assume that people will figure it out themselves. Thus, we automatically encourage it, close our eyes to the huge stinking social
ulcer. It seems to us that violence cannot be near us, that in good families or relationships no one will raise a hand against anyone, that this happens only with
marginalized from the lower strata of society, and smart and prosperous people are impossibly far from all this dirt. Ignorance makes people blind and deaf, and
when faced with domestic violence personally, it fetters the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.
Hidden condemnation
There is another problem - covert or overt condemnation of victims of domestic violence. For example, a wife is ashamed to say that her husband is beating her, she considers herself guilty for various reasons (she was not good enough, bothered when he was not in the mood, did something wrong; most aggressors blame their partners for what exactly because of her behavior, he lost control of himself
and she “deserved it”) because society and her partner made her think so. A teenage girl is afraid to tell someone about her stepfather’s harassment, because she may have already tried, but she didn’t believe her, and moreover, her own mother condemned her.
Or the mother cannot admit that her own son is mocking her: she, they say, is “to blame herself”, did not please, raised her incorrectly. But the truth is that there is no “self-guilt”. Any violence is always and entirely the fault of the offender.
Many harmful stereotypes about violence have been established in society, and they all the time prevent overcoming this phenomenon. For example, it is particularly common for survivors to strongly believe that they must endure domestic violence for the sake of their children. However, they give little thought to
that children brought up in such families, in the future, themselves tend to become either victims or aggressors, since what they saw and experienced in childhood adversely affects their mental health and normal development. IN
In the post-Soviet space, the popular opinion is also widespread: “everyone lives like this, which means that this is the fate, we must endure it.” Such a position is destructive.
No one should ever, under any circumstances, be the victim of violence for one simple reason: domestic violence is a crime.
This vicious circle is made up of fear, guilt, and hope. At first it seems that this is some kind of completely ridiculous accident and this simply cannot happen again, then the hope follows that if you are better, this will not happen again.
will happen. Then there is a feeling of guilt about the fact that you are not good enough (a), and the hope that conversations will definitely help, great love. And in the end it becomes unbearably ashamed to admit to others that the ideal
a parent/spouse/child throws you against the walls for every “sideways glance”, and it’s simply scary that if you tell someone about what is happening, they will simply kill you.
The chairman of the Union of Crisis Centers and a lawyer tell how to help a person who is in trouble within his own family.
Chairman of the Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan:
- If you become aware of violence in a strange family, you need to report it to law enforcement agencies. True, there is one nuance here - to start something
they can take only after a written application that requires contact details. Not everyone is ready to go for it. Therefore, it often happens that a person seems to want to help, but left with nothing, because he is not ready to share his personal data. In this case, in our country there is a National helpline for children and youth - 150 and a helpline for women who have experienced domestic violence - 1415, telephone service is available 24 hours a day. They allow you to provide emergency legal and psychological assistance to those who find themselves in a difficult life situation. The service operates under a privacy policy and the application can be made anonymously.
National helpline
for children and youth - 150
Hotline for women
subjected to
domestic violence - 1415
Intervening openly is discouraged for many reasons. At least because it can aggravate the situation of the victim of domestic violence. However, if speech
concerns a minor child, intervention is always justified and, moreover, necessary. If the fact of violence occurs on the street, you need to shout, draw attention to what is happening as much as possible in order to stop it. If this happens behind a neighbor's wall and everything is heard but not seen by a person, it should still be reported so that the necessary verification is carried out. Even if the fact of violence
you just seemed, you need to declare it. A preventive conversation will be held, thereby vigilance will be demonstrated. This can prevent possible facts of violence in the future, since the person will understand: if he
decides to show domestic violence, will be punished, they will find out about it, it will not go unnoticed.
Preventive talks are conducted mainly by the juvenile police. Sometimes the precincts do it. If the case is urgent, you need to call 102, but they, again, do not consider oral statements, and not everyone is ready to make a written one.
If the person is an adult
Before doing anything, you still need his consent. With regard to minors, their consent to the intervention is not considered, because the child cannot correctly assess the existing danger to his own life, health, and well-being. For all the time of my practice, not a single child received a call asking for help. And as much as one would like to think that children simply do not need to call the helpline number, unfortunately, it is known that this is not the case. This only means that the child does not fully understand that he is being beaten, that domestic violence is being committed against him. He may consider this parental education, a well-deserved punishment, etc. Especially since adults usually say this to their little victims. There was only one case when a 16-year-old girl called and told about the sexual violence committed by her own father.
She only dared to call at the age of 16, when this had been going on for a long time... That is why we adults have a duty to monitor such cases and develop zero tolerance for violence in our society.
Kazakhstan has not developed a program to combat aggressors, to work with them. They, too, are different. There are those for whom conversation is enough. And there are those who need compulsory medical treatment, they are mentally unstable, it is very easy to piss them off. We need to work on all this, adopt foreign experience, and look for our own solutions.
How to convince survivors of domestic violence to seek help?
- Any person wants to have someone close to him, to live in marriage, one family. This is a natural desire. But often people see no boundaries in this
aspiration. For them, the phrase "my husband / my wife" means too much, and they are ready to endure anything to keep it. They do not understand that the fact of violence affects health, the atmosphere in the house, children, their psyche and later life. If a child sees throughout childhood a certain pattern of relationships between the aggressor-father and the victim-mother, he will consider that this is the norm. Girls will believe that they can allow themselves to be treated this way and need to endure mistreatment, while for boys aggressive violent behavior will be the norm,
which in the future he may well try on himself. Thus, the state loses full-fledged members of society.
When talking with the victims, you need to be able to convey to them the danger of their situation, to talk about the possible consequences that will await them in the future if the situation does not change. Such consequences of beatings and constant stress can be neuroses, stuttering, nervous tics, serious psychological disorders and other health problems, both physical and mental.
When a person begins to understand this, he most often listens to common sense. You can also act differently. For example, if I am a neighbor and there are systematic beatings behind my wall, I, as a resident of this house, have every right to report too loud sounds, noise, screams from the neighboring apartment that interfere with me and disturb peace.
– Please tell us about the Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan.
– The Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan is a voluntary association of legal entities registered on March 26, 2000. It is a professional network that brings together
16 organizations from 11 regions of Kazakhstan, including 4 non-governmental shelters that provide temporary accommodation to the victims. Specialized crisis centers provide gratuitous counseling, psychological and legal assistance to victims of domestic violence,
if necessary, send victims to medical institutions for assistance and further rehabilitation. In addition, employees of crisis centers can conduct preventive conversations with perpetrators of domestic violence, carry out awareness-raising activities to prevent domestic violence.
“The work is aimed at preventing gender-based violence and all forms of discrimination, building a culture of non-violent relations in society and creating an effective mechanism for influencing the public, in particular members of the Union, on the content of policies and decisions taken by state authorities and local self-government bodies at the national and local levels
on the problem of preventing domestic violence in Kazakhstan, in accordance with the main international human rights standards, including the principles and provisions of the UN Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women. One of the strategic directions of the Union
is the monitoring of National legislation in the field of protection of human rights from domestic violence at the national and regional levels and the preparation of alternative reports”.
(http://www.telefon150.kz/about.html)
– What kind of help can crisis centers offer?
- This includes legal assistance, and psychological, and preventive work, and the provision of shelter if necessary. People are different, a consultation is enough for a certain psychotype so that a person can delve into everything and deal with the situation on their own. Others need support and, above all, psychological help, while others need shelter to temporarily hide and put their affairs in order. Women with children can stay there from one month to six months.
To be placed in a shelter, you must contact the internal affairs bodies or the local police inspector with a statement that domestic violence was committed against you. This is the main problem - a person can be admitted to a state shelter only after a written application, and documents must be in hand (this is not a mandatory condition for NGO shelters). Unfortunately, it often happens that a person does not have documents with him. For example, a beaten wife ran out into the street in the middle of the night in one nightgown, what kind of documents are we talking about, it would have to carry her legs. She needs to return home for a certificate already with the district police officer, not everyone will agree to this either. And it happens that husbands destroy documents - they burn, tear, hide them.
The disadvantage of such shelters is that they only provide asylum, if a person simply comes there for advice, it will not be provided there. But, in my personal opinion, shelters are the ultimate goal. It is much more important at this stage to engage in the development of psychological service. In our country, the situation with this is still weak, we need to deal more and more deeply with this issue. General actions are supposed to reduce the level of domestic violence, but this is not happening. We don't have any activity indicator. Even the law is called “on prevention”, not on suppression.
Zhanar NURMUKHANOVA, lawyer,
President of the Taldykorgan Regional Center
support for women:
- If you become aware of violence in a strange family, if someone you know or close to you finds himself in such a situation, then try to tactfully tell the injured person about organizations that you can contact (police,
crisis centers). It is almost impossible to get out of such situations without professional help. If it is not possible to talk with the injured person, then it is necessary to call the police, since the police officers have certain powers.
Is it possible to act behind the back of a victim of violence?
– There are such definitions in the criminal legislation as cases of public prosecution and cases of private prosecution. So, cases in which domestic violence is present belong to the category of private prosecution cases, and a statement from the victim is necessary.
Is it really necessary to intervene? After all, sometimes it happens that the victim is satisfied with everything and she does not want to change anything.
– One of the main principles of human rights organizations is the principle: do no harm. We must inform, change people's minds, raise this problem for discussion, and help improve legislation. But do not interfere in someone else's fate, deciding everything at your own discretion.
- What laws can be relied upon by people who have been subjected to violence?
– According to Article 73 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Republic of Kazakhstan:
1. Obscene language, offensive harassment, humiliation, damage to household items and other actions that express disrespect for persons who are in family relations with the offender, violating
their peace of mind, committed in an individual residential house, apartment or other dwelling, if these actions do not contain signs of a criminally punishable act - entail a warning or administrative arrest for up to three days.
2. Actions provided for by part one of this article, committed repeatedly within a year after the imposition of an administrative penalty, - entail an administrative arrest for up to ten days.
3. Actions provided for by part two of this article, committed by persons to whom administrative arrest in accordance with part two of article 50 of this Code is not applied, entails a fine in the amount of five monthly calculation indices.
Note. For the purposes of this Code, family relations mean relations between spouses, former spouses, persons living or living together, close relatives, persons
having a common child (children).
- What steps need to be taken to be able to achieve justice and punish the aggressor?
– Know your rights, apply to the police or to a crisis center, where a professional lawyer will provide legal support.
What needs to be done to protect yourself from the revenge of the aggressor?
– Apply to the court for an order of protection. You can learn more about this in Article 54 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Republic of Kazakhstan:
Establishment of special requirements for the behavior of the offender
1. When considering a case on an administrative offense, at the request of the participants in the proceedings on the case on an administrative offense and (or) internal affairs bodies, the court may establish special requirements for the behavior of a person who has committed an administrative offense, provided for in Articles 73, 128, 131, 436, 442 ( part three), 461 of this Code for a period of three months to one year, providing for a full or separate prohibition:
1) against the will of the victim, search for, pursue, visit the victim, conduct verbal, telephone conversations and enter into contacts with him in other ways, including minors and (or) incompetent members of his family;
2) acquire, store, carry and use firearms and other types of weapons;
3) minors visit certain places, travel to other areas without the permission of the commission for the protection of the rights of minors;
4) use alcoholic beverages, narcotic drugs, psychotropic substances.
2. When establishing special requirements for the behavior of a person who has committed an administrative offense in the field of family and domestic relations, for the protection and protection of the victim and members of his family, the court, in exceptional cases, has the right to apply for a period of up to thirty days a measure of administrative and legal influence in the form of a ban on a person, who has committed domestic violence, to live in an individual residential house, apartment or other dwelling with the victim if this person has another dwelling.
3. During the period of validity of the special requirements for the behavior of the offender, he may be obliged to appear in the internal affairs bodies for a preventive conversation from one to four times a month.
– How to behave and talk to victims of violence in order to convince them to seek help?
– The victim of domestic violence, as a rule, is in a stressful situation, emotionally and psychologically depressed, therefore, a qualified psychologist or a person whom the victim trusts should negotiate and talk with the victim.
– What to do if you know that a child is a victim of violence?
– Report to the guardianship authorities, juvenile police and the crisis center. Children do not understand the difference between punishment and domestic violence, as a result of which they become victims, or vice versa, it happens that they pretend to be a victim in order to
evade punishment for misconduct. This requires a very subtle and professional approach.
– How often do victims of violence turn to you for help?
– Unfortunately, very often. At the consultation level, up to 120–150 calls per month. Often these are the same persons who decided that the rapist would change and returned to him.
– The most difficult question. It is very difficult to give any specific advice and recommendations, because situations are very different. First of all, domestic violence can be overcome only in such a way that every perpetrator is punished for the crime. Impunity breeds new crimes. If women who find themselves in a situation of violence stop being silent and “cry into the pillow”, left alone with their misfortune, turn to law enforcement agencies for help, then it is quite possible to defeat domestic violence or at least significantly reduce its scale. Today, I would advise women who have experienced domestic violence to contact crisis centers, call the helpline, where
you can get the necessary information, find out what can be done in such cases, where to turn.
I recommend that mothers of young girls talk more about possible dangers, teach their daughters about relationships with men, and teach their sons to respect women.
List of crisis centers where you will be provided with psychological assistance free of charge:
1. Center for social support of the family "Dana".
Advisory, psychological, legal and legal
support in family matters.
Tel.: 266-28-98.
2. PF Center for Social and Psychological Rehabilitation and Adaptation
for women and children "Rodnik".
Pre-/post-divorce conflicts, psychological counseling.
Tel.: 396-19-38, 396-42-40.
3. Black Sea Fleet "Podrugi Crisis Center".
Psychological counseling for victims of domestic violence.
Tel.: 298-46-77, 298-45-85.
4. Center for Academic and Practical Psychology.
Tel.: 258-20-35, 229-46-99.
5. Psychological dispensary.
Tel.: 261-68-20, 272-48-32, 272-57-14.
6. Helpline at the akimat of Almaty.
Counseling for suicidal ideation.
Tel.: 329-63-93.
As discussed above, women are more likely than men to be victims of domestic violence. Cases of domestic violence against men are not so widespread, although they are not uncommon, and therefore they should not be discounted. Moreover, it is women who initiate and commit violence against children, even women who are considered loving mothers. And finally, when both partners constantly provoke each other and start fights, quarrels, scandals, insult and humiliate each other, mutual violence takes place. At the same time, according to the researchers, it does not matter who initiates them: both parties are responsible.
Often a woman living in a situation of violence does not even realize that what is happening to her can be attributed to this category. With domestic violence, a partner (husband, ex-husband, lover) insults and humiliates a woman; does not allow her to see friends and relatives; hitting her or yelling and threatening to beat her; beats children; forces a woman to have sex against her will; does not want the woman to work; makes her think that only he can manage the family money properly; constantly criticizes her (how a woman is dressed, how she cooks food, how she looks); instills a sense of guilt towards children and uses children for indirect violence. It takes place if a woman in the family feels helpless and useless, is afraid of her partner, feels lonely, blames only herself for everything, gave up on herself and lives only in obedience to a sense of duty (Korablina et al., 2001).
When examining the source of a couple's problems, it is necessary to examine the factors and conditions that brought the spouses together and to this day support their marriage. According to existing complex models, such as the theory of J. Murstein (Murstein, 1970), when choosing a marriage partner, there are three factors, three forces of attraction: aspiration, dignity and role. These forces act sequentially in three phases, their value in each phase changes. Each phase serves as a kind of filter for screening out unsuitable partners.
In the first phase (desire, motivation to build relationships), such factors as external attractiveness and demeanor play a significant role (how these characteristics are evaluated by other people also plays an important role). In the second phase (dignity), the center of gravity shifts mainly towards the similarity of interests, points of view, values. In the third phase, first of all, the compatibility of roles is assessed. Partners determine whether they can assume complementary roles in the marriage that will allow them to meet their needs.
The principle of “exchange compatibility” applies to all phases. Equilibrium is achieved only when such an exchange from the point of view of partners is equivalent. The source of problems is often unfulfilled expectations, which are partly conscious and formulated, partly conscious, but not discussed with a partner, and partly unconscious.
The largest number of clashes and conflicts occur in the first years of the family's existence: at the stage of formation of individual stereotypes of communication, harmonization of value systems and development of a common worldview. In fact, at this stage, there is a mutual adaptation of the spouses, the search for a type of relationship that would satisfy both. At the same time, the spouses face the following tasks: 1) formation of the family structure; 2) distribution of functions (or roles) between husband and wife; 3) developing common family values (Borisov, 1987). For the implementation of mutual adaptation of marriage partners, the compatibility of their ideas in the three indicated parameters is necessary; their complete coincidence would be ideal, but it is impossible in real life (Kalmykova, 1983).
Therefore, in particular, the most critical in terms of domestic violence are the first marriage period (up to 1.5-2 years) and the period after 10-15 years of marriage. These are the stages of the two main crises of interpersonal family relationships, during which both the relationships themselves and their participants change. At the same time, the first critical period, which causes changes in the behavior of the victim, is associated with the complete “dissolution” of her identity in the partner and in relationships with him. A man deliberately asserts his power, thereby reinforcing the impotence of a woman. As a rule, a young woman, more often than representatives of older age groups, does not want to put up with manifestations of psychological (and even more so physical) violence, seeks to change her situation, seeks the help of a psychologist, and is even ready to part with a partner from whom she experiences violence. At the same time, a woman's economic dependence, giving up "her own life" for the sake of "family interests" support violence on the part of her husband (partner) (Gradskova, 2000)
After the first or second year of marriage, the process of development of the family and marriage reaches a level where the personal qualities of the spouses, which determine the stability of the marriage, come to the fore. Increasing demands on a marriage partner create the basis for potential conflicts based on differences in interests, attitudes, values, and character traits. If all efforts to overcome tensions fail, the development of the relationship leads to the dissolution of the marriage or to its "fixing", but on a pathological basis - that is, on the basis of acceptance of violence. Then the stress becomes chronic, and the so-called post-traumatic stress reaction develops.
To describe the post-traumatic stress reaction resulting from violence, the concepts of "accident neurosis", "compensatory hysteria", "traumatic neurasthenia", etc. are used. Violence often causes a delay or decrease in the level of physical and mental functioning and development, neurotic reactions, various somatic diseases (obesity, sudden weight loss, stomach ulcers, skin diseases, allergies). The behavior of the victims characterizes anxiety, anxiety.
Typical sleep disturbances, chronic depression, aggressiveness, a tendency to solitude, excessive compliance, ingratiating, obsequious behavior, threats or suicide attempts, inability to communicate, build relationships with other people, low self-esteem, etc.
In the second period, the victim, who has undergone many difficulties and has become more sensitive, fragile, that is, even more “victim”, tries to comprehend what is happening. However, chronic crisis experiences, abuse and constant traumas by this period form the so-called “beaten woman syndrome” (abbreviated as BW). L. Walker in the early 80s. The 20th century included the following aspects in the concept of SIW: fear, depression, guilt, passivity and low self-esteem (Walker, 2000). Later, J. Douglas proposed a new, reorganized version of the SIL, including signs and evidence of domestic violence (Douglas et al., 1988):
Traumatic effect of violence (anxiety, somatic symptoms);
The presence of learned helplessness (depression, low self-esteem, low ability to resolve conflicts);
Destructive mechanisms of dealing with violence (guilt, denial of violence, misunderstanding of its essence).
In addition, affective pathology (depression) and the abuse of alcohol and drugs against this background are more common among women who are subjected to violence (Malkina-Pykh, 2006).
We can say that it is the "accustoming to violence" on the part of the victim, the construction of it into a cultural norm, that is the main factor that supports long-term violence on the part of the spouse. And such addiction, according to T. Winch's complementary ("additional") theory of marriage, begins with the parental family: children learn and repeat the models of their parents' marital relations (Winch et al., 1954). Comparative studies of relations in favorable and conflict families have shown that the model of parental marriage, the relationship of father to mother, and childhood experiences have an important influence on the balance of relations. Balanced spouses were calm in childhood, they were rarely punished, more often caressed, they were openly talked about sex issues. Their relationship is more harmonious, and they do not have to waste energy on correcting a partner and relationships with him, on disappointment in a partner and in relationships, in the family as such, as well as on revenge, betrayal and other ways of “restoring justice”.
There are some common characteristics of real and potential victims of domestic violence: passivity, subservience, self-doubt, low self-esteem, guilt. These qualities, on the one hand, are the conditions for the occurrence of domestic violence, on the other hand, they are aggravated over time and entail the development of violence. There are also common characteristics of rapists: criticality towards others, aggressiveness, dominance, secrecy, impulsiveness. Also a common feature is the preference for the strategy of dominance and suppression in the conflict.
A more positive perception of oneself, understanding the conflict situation as violence creates more constructive interaction and reduces the intensity and variety of forms of violence. The tendency to blame oneself or to see the cause of the conflict in external circumstances determines the choice of destructive interaction strategies that support acts of violence on the part of the partner.
Very often, victim behavior is a form of aggression or self-aggression: it is aimed at suppressing and controlling the behavior and experiences of other people or oneself. This is illustrated by the observations of psychoanalysts. For example, the well-known "Oedipus complex" in men or the "Electra complex" in women make a person look for and choose for his friends, acquaintances, spouses and colleagues of people who look like tyrant fathers or mothers. The perverted desire for security makes the human victim choose tyrants as his "defenders". Their behavior for the victim will never be unexpected and therefore frightening. And therefore, it is comfortable. Genuine love, tenderness, kindness can frighten the victim.
Thus, very often a woman does not find the strength to part with her spouse or cohabitant. There are many reasons for this: material dependence, the inability to find housing, women's policy, cultural and historical traditions. Not the last place in this is occupied by myths that are shared by people around. Consider a number of myths about domestic violence.
Myth: Domestic violence is not a crime, but just a scandal - a family matter that should not be interfered with.
Domestic violence is a criminal offence. In many countries, lawyers and lawyers specializing in the defense of women's rights believe that domestic violence is one of the first places among all types of crime. There is responsibility for certain types of crimes: bodily harm, beatings, torture, rape, etc.
Myth: Insulting women takes place predominantly in the lower strata of society and among national minorities.
However, evidence suggests that wife beating is widespread across all social and economic groups. Women belonging to the middle and upper class try not to disclose their problems. They may also fear social hardship and guard their husband's career. Many believe that the respect their husbands enjoy in society will cast doubt on the believability of the beating stories. On the other hand, low-income women are deprived of such prejudices, so their problems are more visible.
Myth: Abused women are masochists and crazy.
Evidence suggests that few people enjoy being beaten or insulted. Women do not break off such relationships mainly because of economic dependence on a partner, because they are ashamed to tell someone about the violence and do not know where to turn for help, or because they are afraid of retribution in response to their actions. Sometimes society and family incline a woman to stay with her husband. Survival behavior is often misinterpreted as crazy.
Myth: Violence is directly related to alcoholism; only drunk men beat their wives.
Evidence suggests that a third of male abusers do not drink at all; many of them suffer from alcoholism but abuse their wives both when drunk and sober. And only a few men are almost always drunk. Alcohol removes inhibitions and makes beating acceptable and justifiable for some men.
Myth: Women deliberately provoke their torturers.
Evidence suggests that a society unwilling to attribute blame to the male perpetrator instead rationalizes and even justifies the abuse by portraying the victim as a grouchy and whining woman, while the perpetrator uses every slightest frustration or annoyance as an excuse for his actions.
Myth: If a wife wanted to, she could leave her abusive husband.
There are many reasons that prevent a woman from leaving the offender: ashamed to tell outsiders about what happened; it is terrible that the offender will become even more furious and violence will increase; housing problems; economic dependence; lack of support from friends and financial assistance; emotional attachment to her husband. Most often, there is a combination of reasons. The most dangerous period for a woman comes after she decides to leave the offender. In this situation, a man may become more aggressive in the face of the possibility of losing his "property".
Myth: Children need a father, even if he is aggressive, or "I stay only because of the children."
Without a doubt, children need a family that loves and supports them. But if, instead of love and understanding, a child encounters aggression and violence, then this increases anxiety and fatigue, gives rise to psychosomatic disorders and disorders in the psychological sphere.
Myth: A slap never really hurts.
Violence is cyclical and progressive. It can start with just criticism, moving on to humiliation, isolation, then to slaps, blows, regular beatings, and even death.
Thus, the myths diverge from the facts. Any man, whether he is an alcoholic, a drug addict, a psychopath or not, can be a rapist. In fact, many of them are in good control of themselves, go to prestigious jobs, are active in society, and have many friends (Mokhovikov, 2001).
The most common reasons why women suffering from domestic violence are unable to change their life situation are:
1) fear of leaving (a woman who dares to leave is sometimes exposed to mortal danger);
2) ignorance of one's own rights and opportunities;
3) housing problems (absence of real legislative measures guaranteeing the possibility of resettlement or exchange of a common apartment);
4) economic problems (the impossibility of maintaining material well-being alone, absolute economic dependence on her husband, lack of work, etc.).
Numerous false social attitudes regarding family and marriage also lead to indecision, such as:
- Divorce is a sign of a woman's defeat;
- violence is present in all families (only all family members seek to hide it);
- the family is a woman's destiny, and only a woman is responsible for what happens here;
- "without me, he will be lost";
- it is necessary to sacrifice oneself and endure everything for the sake of children;
- help is impossible to find - no one needs other people's problems.
Women are prevented from leaving the family not only by this, but also by the illusion that violence will never happen again. Unfortunately, in most cases this is not the case. Cycles of violence have three recurring stages, the duration of each stage and their frequency in each individual case is different. But these patterns always repeat with increasing strength and frequency (Menovshchikov, 2002).
The first phase, or the stage of increasing tension, is reduced to minor beatings, while tension between partners increases. Victims come out of this situation in various ways: they can deny the fact of the beating or minimize the meaning of violence ("It could be worse, it's just a bruise"). External factors affect the speed of transition to the next stage. Victims of abuse go to great lengths to control these factors—they even make excuses for partner and other abusers.
The second phase is characterized by serious beatings. The perpetrator is unable to control his destructive behavior and things become serious. The main difference between the second stage and the first is that here both parties are aware that the situation is out of control. Only one person can put an end to violence - the rapist himself. The behavior of the victim at this stage does not change anything.
The third stage, the honeymoon, is a period of extraordinary peace and love, attention, and even, in some cases, repentance. Rough treatment is replaced by gifts, good manners, assurances that violence will never happen again, pleas for forgiveness. The victim wants to believe that this nightmare will never happen again. During this period, partners note that a sincere feeling of love flared up again between them. However, since this relationship is destructive, the honeymoon stage ends with a transition to a phase of increasing tension in a new cycle of violence.
The American researcher of family violence L. McCloskey highlights the main reasons for its stabilization; in her opinion, they are entirely dependent on a woman who is not able to radically change the situation and break out of the vicious circle of such relationships, thereby saving both themselves and their loved ones from suffering. Often a woman, not understanding the origins of unmotivated cruelty, begins to blame or condemn herself, to look for the causes of violence in herself. Transferring blame from the perpetrator to the victim is called "judging the victim." Due to the complete economic dependence on her husband, the inability or unwillingness to work, the lack of a profession or education, because of the fear of a decrease in social status, many women are afraid of divorce and endure violence solely for the sake of material wealth. In such cases, women begin to voluntarily isolate themselves from people, fearing jealousy and demonstrating complete devotion and dedication, or ashamed of themselves and their family relationships. Sometimes there is also a conscious acceptance and expectation of violence from her husband, when a woman believes that a man, by his nature and social purpose, tends to insult his spouse and keep her in fear, and therefore it must be looked at “philosophically”, calmly.
There is no single theory that can comprehensively explain the various causes of domestic violence. Taking into account the complexity of human nature, the peculiarities of social interaction and the nature of the family as a social structure, it is necessary to take into account the diversity of families, the individual characteristics of their members and those social factors that, intertwined and combined, can give rise to violence.
A conflict that leads to violence can, using L. Kozer's term, be called "unrealistic" (Kozer, 2000). It is generated by aggressive impulses that seek a way out regardless of the object. The essence of such a conflict lies in self-expression, including affective one.
Modern civilization not only does not suppress, but, on the contrary, stimulates the manifestation of aggression and cultivates violence. Aggression could be fixed evolutionarily as an expedient survival instinct, protection from an external threat. But all human properties need external stimuli for their full manifestation. It has been reliably established that child abuse in the family not only gives rise to aggressive behavior towards other children, but also leads to violence and cruelty in adult life, turns physical aggression into a person's lifestyle. A high level of aggression determines the choice of appropriate forms of behavior, for example, in such a person, indicators of spontaneous reactive aggression and irritability increase. Often cruelty is not only emotional, it is also born on the basis of intellectual incapacity and fanaticism.
There is a set of character traits that have been identified in men who have beaten their girlfriends or wives; the last four characteristics almost unequivocally point to a propensity for violence. If a man has several of the following character traits (three or four), then the likelihood of physical abuse is quite high. In some cases, he may have only two of these characteristics, but they are expressed excessively (for example, the strongest jealousy, reaching the point of absurdity). At first, a man will explain his behavior as a manifestation of love and care, and this may flatter a woman; over time, this behavior becomes more cruel, it becomes a means of oppressing women (Menovshchikov, 2002).
Jealousy. At the very beginning of a relationship, a man always says that his jealousy is a sign of love. However, jealousy has nothing to do with love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. A man asks a woman who she is talking to on the phone, accuses her of flirting, gets angry when she spends time with friends or children. As jealousy grows, he calls her more and more during the day, begins to unexpectedly appear at home. He may try to forbid her from working for fear that she will meet another man at work, or even ask about the wife of her friends.
Control. At first, the man explains this behavior as a concern for safety, for a reasonable pastime, or for the need to make the right decisions. He gets angry if a woman comes home "late" after shopping or a business meeting. He asks her in detail about where she was, who she talked to. As such behavior intensifies, it may not allow a woman to make independent decisions about housekeeping, clothing, etc. He may hide money or even demand that she ask permission to leave the room or house.
Fast connection. Many women who have experienced domestic violence have met or known their future husbands or lovers for less than six months. He swoops in like a whirlwind, declaring "love at first sight", and flatters the woman, saying: "You are the only one I could tell this to", "I still have not loved anyone like you." He desperately needs a girlfriend and soon insists on an intimate relationship.
Unrealistic expectations. In this case, the man is extremely dependent on the woman in terms of satisfying his needs; he hopes that she will be an excellent wife, mother, lover, friend. For example, he says: “If you love me, then I am everything you need, and you are everything I need.” She is supposed to take care of his emotional state and everything in the house.
Others are to blame for his problems. When a problem arises, there will always be a culprit who made a man do wrong. He can blame the woman for all his failures and mistakes, saying that she annoys him, distracts him from his thoughts and interferes with his work. Ultimately, she is to blame for everything that does not happen the way he would like.
His feelings are generated by other people. Claiming: “You drive me crazy”, “You insult me by doing not what I ask”, “You annoy me”, he is aware of his thoughts and feelings, but uses them to manipulate a woman.
Hypersensitivity. Such a vulnerable man will talk about his “offended” feelings, when in reality he himself behaves irresponsibly, he considers the slightest failure as the result of intrigues against him. He is ready to pompously and enthusiastically talk about injustice, which in fact is an integral part of the life of any person: it can be a request to go to work after hours, a fine, asking for help in household chores.
Rudeness towards animals or children. He severely punishes animals or is insensitive to their suffering or pain; he believes that the child is able to perform something that is clearly beyond his capabilities (say, punishing a two-year-old child who wets the crib), or teases children, younger brothers or sisters, bringing them to tears (60% of men who beat their wives beat as well as their children). He may demand that the children do not eat with him at the table or sit in their room while he is at home.
"Playful" use of force in sex. In bed, he likes to act out fantastic scenes where a woman is completely helpless. He makes it clear that the idea of being raped turns him on. He may use anger and irritation to manipulate a woman into sexual contact. Or he may have sex while the woman is still asleep, or demand sex from her when she is tired or sick.
Word insult. He uses rude and offensive words that humiliate a woman, as if crossing out all her dignity. The man tells her that she is stupid and cannot do anything without him; the day can begin and end with such insults.
Rigid sexual roles. A man expects a woman to please him; he says that she should stay at home, obey him in everything - even if it concerns criminal acts. He wants to see a woman as a stupid being, unable to be a complete person without a man.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (a character in the short story "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" by R. L. Stevenson, in which Dr. Jekyll discovered a means that allows him to temporarily turn into a vicious, cruel person named Mr. Hyde). Many women are perplexed by the “sudden” change in their partner’s mood: now he is sweet and kind, and the next minute he explodes with rage, or he sparkles with happiness - and is immediately sad. This does not mean that he has special "mental problems" or that he is "crazy". Hot temper and a sharp change in mood are characteristic of men who beat their partners.
Cases of beatings in the past. A man can say that he beat women before, but it was they who forced him to do so. This can be heard from his relatives or ex-wife. In fact, such a man is ready to beat any woman.
The threat of violence. This includes any threat of physical force to control a woman's behavior: "I'll kill you"; "I'll break your neck." And although most men do not threaten their spouses, the rapist will justify his behavior by claiming that "everyone says so."
Breaking dishes, destruction of objects. This behavior may be an attempt to punish the woman (for example, by breaking her favorite thing), but much more often, a man needs to terrorize her in order to keep her in line. He can break a plate with his fist or throw anything at a woman. This is an important sign: only immature people break dishes (or break things) in the presence of others in order to threaten.
The use of force as an argument. The man holds the woman in submission, forces her out of the room, pushes and kicks her, and so on. In addition, he may try to isolate the woman, for example, forbid her to work, be friends with anyone, etc.
It is very important to be able to distinguish between all such signs in order to prevent or stop violence. There is another list of behavioral signs that indicate a person's propensity for violence:
A person is convinced of the correctness of stereotypes about violent relationships:
Traditional views on the role of a man in the family and society (i.e. he believes that only a man can be the "master in the house");
Aggressive with children or pets;
Shifts the blame for his actions to others;
Pathologically jealous;
Does not realize that aggressive behavior can have serious consequences;
Tries to isolate the woman from any activities outside the home or communication with other people;
Physically rude to a woman (pushing, pulling her sleeve, etc.);
Threatens to commit suicide if the woman tries to end the relationship.
The causes of physical violence can be conditionally divided into three groups (Platonova, Platonov, 2004):
1. Causes caused by the characteristics of the personality of a man and the history of his life.
2. Causes caused by the history of the woman's life and her personal characteristics.
3. Reasons due to the peculiarities of marital relations.
Each of them can become decisive, however, as a rule, a whole range of reasons leads to intra-family violence against women.
The most typical causes of violence, due to the personality of a man and the history of his life, include the following:
– model of parents – father beat mother;
- father and mother often beat a man in childhood;
- a traditional view of the position of women and men in the family (a man is an absolute
And the unquestioning head of the family);
- the belief that a woman has a need to be a victim and is unable to break off relations;
- a high level of anxiety and anxiety about their dominant position;
- constant use of alcohol;
– low level of self-awareness and self-control;
- inability to accept responsibility for the actions taken;
- a high level of stress due to economic and domestic reasons;
- a pronounced desire to harm another person;
- psychopathy, etc.
As can be seen, aggressive men often experienced violence towards themselves in childhood and observed the behavior of an older man who showed cruelty towards a woman. They often faced alcoholism, racism, class strife, and misogynistic behavior. Many of them did not have a chance to feel love and care in childhood.
But not all aggressive men fit into this category. Some of them are mentally ill and have no remorse for the violence, while others genuinely feel horrified by such behavior. Aggressors tend to justify their actions by claiming that they are victims of those they actually offend. Unfortunately, this belief is very often supported by many social institutions, such as the police, the court, the church, social and medical services (Kurasova, 1997; Safonova, Tsymbal, 1993).
Women's risk factors are also associated with an unfavorable life situation in the parental family. In addition, the following features are included:
- a high level of psychological dependence on a man;
- economic dependence on a man;
- a higher level of education of women in the family;
- the presence of a woman's physical disabilities (especially if they appeared in the process of living together);
- low self-esteem;
- insufficient sexual activity or illiteracy in this area.
Potential victims of violence also exhibit the following behavioral characteristics:
They are afraid of the temper of their partner;
Often give in to a partner, afraid to offend his feelings or cause anger;
Feel the desire to "save" a partner when he gets into an unpleasant or difficult situation;
They justify the mistreatment of the partner both in front of themselves and in front of others;
They tolerate when an irritated and angry partner beats them, pushes, shoves, etc .;
Make decisions regarding their actions or the actions of friends, based on the desire or reaction of the partner;
The partner is justified by the fact that he behaves in exactly the same way as his own father once did with his mother.
Violent marital relations are characterized by the following manifestations:
- conflict and constant quarrels;
- verbal aggression in the relationship of spouses;
- the struggle for power and dominance in the family;
– low socioeconomic status;
- Rigidity in the interaction and relationships of partners.
Women targeted by violence may experience:
Gradual decline in health as emotional, physical, and economic abuse intensifies;
Decreased self-esteem, loss of self-confidence;
Strong feelings of loneliness, shame and fear;
Constant stress and psychophysiological disorders;
Feelings of despair at not being able to solve the problem of domestic violence;
A growing sense of guilt due to the inability to cope with the problem on their own and aggression directed against themselves.
As a rule, physical violence against a woman is combined with sexual violence.
Sexual violence is the commission of sexual acts against the will of a partner, as well as coercion of a partner into unacceptable forms of sexual relations. Marital rape is a crime that is still not considered a crime. In many countries of the world, marriage, as it were, gives a man the unconditional right to have sexual relations with his wife and the right to use force in case of her refusal.
The types of sexual violence are presented in sufficient detail in the specialized literature (Antonyan, Tkachenko, 1993; Dvoryanchikov et al., 1997; Kurasova, 1997). Clinical manifestations of sexual violence against women include complaints of victims of chronic pain, psychogenic pain (pain due to diffuse trauma without visible manifestations); gynecological abnormalities, frequent infections of the genitourinary system (dyspareunia, pain in the pelvic region); frequent visits to doctors with vague complaints or symptoms without signs of physical ailment; chronic post-traumatic stress disorders; sleep and appetite disorder; fatigue, decreased concentration, etc. The psychological consequences of this form of violence include the following phenomena: decreased self-esteem; feelings of isolation and inability to cope; depressive states; suicidal tendencies; alcohol abuse, addiction to drugs, etc.
The possibility of sexual violence is determined not only by the personality of the man (the rapist), but also by the personality of the victim. Studies have revealed a generalized social portrait of such a man and the characteristic features of his biography: low level of education; dominant cold mother; negative perception of the father; lack of positive emotional connection with their parents; use by parents of undeserved punishments; increased level of libido; alcoholism; fear of women, due to violations of male identity.
Men of the “risk group” for sexual violence are characterized by the criminal culture of perceiving a woman as a household item necessary for “non-male” work. Very often, sexual violence is used against the backdrop of a man's unstable identity, as a means of asserting one's own masculinity to oneself.
Foreign specialists of women's crisis centers have summarized typical attitudes that limit the ability to help victims of domestic violence (Shvedova, 2000):
- fear of retribution if the rapist finds out that the woman told someone about the violence;
- shame and humiliation from what happened;
– thoughts that she deserved punishment;
- the desire to protect your partner;
- incomplete understanding of the situation;
- the belief that it is not necessary for a doctor or psychologist to know about violence, because he is very busy and should not waste his time on this;
- the belief that a doctor and a psychologist cannot help in this matter.
No less dangerous type of intra-family violence against women is psychological violence. Psychological violence manifests itself in the following forms:
1. Ignoring the psychological needs of a woman: security needs; the need to belong to a group (in all her actions and deeds, she should belong only to her husband); needs for cognition (prohibition on learning); needs for self-realization in the professional sphere (ban on work).
2. Insulation. This is a strict control over the sphere of communication of a woman, a ban on communication with work colleagues, friends, relatives, strict control over any interaction outside the home. In the event of divorce or resentment, the husband may forbid the wife to communicate with the children.
3. Constant threats: destruction of family space, interpersonal relationships, irony, ridicule, the desire to put a partner in an awkward situation and demonstrate it to others.
4. Creation of a family coalition as a result of the rejection of a woman.
5. Formation of a portrait of an unsuccessful, inept and insolvent mother in the eyes of children.
6. Rejection. Inability and unwillingness to show an attentive, affectionate, caring attitude towards a woman, which manifests itself in emotional coldness.
7. Manipulation of a woman (the use of information - false or true - to control a woman, etc.).
There are also causes of psychological violence, depending on the characteristics of the woman's personality. These include:
- the expressed suffering of the victim as a factor in reinforcing aggression;
– economic, psychological and emotional dependence;
- a higher level of education of women;
- low socio-economic status of women;
- the experience of perceiving oneself as a victim in the parental family;
– low level of self-esteem;
- a high degree of intra-family disagreements and conflicts between spouses;
- numerous stressful situations (unemployment, death of loved ones, hard and low-paid work, hostile actions of familiar people);
- Use of alcohol and drugs.
Studies have shown that in more than 8% of cases of intra-family violence, not only the personality of the woman, but also her social functions are subjected to insults. During a quarrel, a man, knowing the weaknesses of women, attacks the personal and professional dignity of a woman.
There are three common models for explaining the dynamics of the relationship of violence: the cycle of violence (L. Walker), the process of violence (Landenberger),
Model of power and control (Duluth model) (Kurasova, 1997; Safonova, Tsymbal, 1993).
Walker in 1984 analyzed the psychological and behavioral responses of abused women in terms of Seligman's "learned helplessness" theory. Based on numerous surveys, Walker developed a “cyclic theory of violence”, the three phases of which have already been described by us above (Walker, 2000).
Another model (Landerberger, 1989) is based on the study of the perception of violence, self-esteem in a situation of violence, as well as the influence of perception on choice in a relationship of violence. Women distinguish 4 phases: unification, patience, breakup, rehabilitation, which they went through as the meaning of violence, attitude towards a partner and towards oneself changed in their perception. During the bonding phase, when the relationship is still new and tinged with love, in response to the abuse, the woman redoubles her efforts to mend the relationship and prevent future abuse. She uses her intelligence and ingenuity to calm her partner. Over time, the ineffectiveness of trying to solve this problem becomes apparent, and the woman begins to doubt the strength of the relationship. In the second phase, the patience phase, the woman endures the abuse because of the positive aspects of the relationship and also because she feels herself, at least in part, responsible for the abuse. Although a woman may seek outside help, she does not disclose all the circumstances of the problem, as she is afraid of the consequences that threaten her safety, as well as the social status of her partner. In the breakup phase, a woman realizes that she is in a situation of violence and that she does not deserve such treatment.
The turning point occurs when a woman realizes the danger of the situation. As a woman tries to solve the problem of her residence and security, she may leave her partner and return to him several times. After some time, necessary for a reassessment of values and successfully overcoming the obstacles that did not allow her to leave her former environment, the rehabilitation phase begins, during which the woman lives separately from the rapist.
In 1984, based on group interviews conducted with women who attended Duluth's Domestic Violence Program training courses, a framework was developed to describe the behavior of men who physically and emotionally abuse partners. Many women have criticized theories that describe violence as a cyclical event, rather than as an ever-present element of the relationship. In addition, they criticized theories that attributed violence to the inability of men to cope with stress. Based on the experiences of women survivors of domestic violence, a "model of power and control" was developed, also called the Duluth model. She describes violence as an integral part of behavior rather than as a series of independent incidents of violence or cyclical expressions of pent-up anger, frustration, or pain (Pence, 1993; Shepherd and Pence, 1999).
