What is child autonomy? Independence education. What kind of support does the child need?

From early childhood, the child learns to make decisions. For example, when he listens to a fairy tale or looks at the actions of his parents. However, in fairy tales, everything is quite simple. They initially have some kind of auxiliary object (apple, ball, handkerchief), which indicates the correct decision, that is, you should not think too much. But in life everything is much more complicated. What is child independence?

An integral part of a child's growing up as a person is his ability to make decisions. From childhood, it is necessary to teach the child to make decisions independently and be responsible for them. After all, the sooner you bring up this quality in a child, the greater success can be achieved.

Child independence is:

- the ability to perform the usual things without the help and constant reminder of parents;

- the ability to take initiative in cases where his participation is required;

- the ability to act consciously both in everyday and in new conditions;

- the ability to transfer already known methods of action in similar, but new situations;

- the ability to control the situation and evaluate their own actions.

How can you teach your child to make informed decisions? Consider the basic rules:

1. For early age:

a) You do not need to perform for the baby those actions that he already knows how to do on his own (hold a spoon, dress, etc.).

b) Help the child only when he himself asks for help. After all, it is important that he himself come to a decision without the prompting of adults. But at the same time, keep an eye on whether the child is doing something dangerous.

c) Encourage, support and stimulate the child's desire for independence. It is important to give the child the opportunity to try his hand at this or that business and not to stop his attempts, even if they are inept (wash the floor, wash his thing, etc.). If the baby does something wrong, it is necessary to delicately inform him about it and in no case make fun of it. After all, everything comes with experience. Let you redo this work after him (imperceptibly!), but he will develop a desire for independence and hard work.

2. For preschool age:

a) Give the child the opportunity to choose the clothes that he will wear today. However, if necessary, you need to direct it (choose clothes according to the weather and season). And you can also practice choosing clothes for him in the store with your child.

b) Assign certain assignments to the child that will correspond to his age (clean up his toys, partial care for a pet, etc.).

c) It is not necessary to protect the child from possible or existing problems in connection with his negative actions or inaction.

d) Educate - find activities for yourself if adults are busy.

3. For adolescence:

a) Parents need to learn to “let go” of their child. That is, not to lead his life, but only to direct him in the “right” direction.

b) Show confidence that the child is able to make the right decisions on his own.

c) Let the child feel and understand your trust in his actions.

The main thing to understand is that you cannot teach your child to make the right decisions right away. This will take more than one or two weeks. Mistakes play a major role in the ability to make the right decisions. After all, even many adults basically learn from their mistakes. Therefore, it is necessary to give the child such an opportunity.

First of all, it is necessary to create conditions for the child in which he will make decisions himself and learn from his mistakes. Then your child will grow up independent and decisive.

Independence is a very desirable, but in some cases difficult to achieve quality. How to influence its formation in a child? How to ensure that children grow and develop independently? And when can you start instilling this useful quality in your child?

First of all, it should be clarified what, in fact, is meant by the word "independence". This, according to Ushakov's explanatory dictionary, implies the following: "existence apart from others, independently." In addition, independence means decisiveness, the ability to act independently, initiative and the absence of fear of mistakes, freedom from the influence of others and the help of outsiders.

Very often, parents misinterpret the concept of “independence”. In their opinion, the child will be independent if he unquestioningly does what adults tell him. But in reality, it is rather the ability to follow instructions and directions, that is, obedience. And the independence of the child is, first of all, his "separation" and autonomy.

The child very early becomes interested in performing certain actions. At seven months, he rejoices when he manages to get a toy on his own. In a year, he is satisfied if he is given the opportunity to sit down himself, and after that he begins to eat without the help of adults. That is, independence begins to manifest itself early, but at the same time this quality requires development and consolidation.

Techniques for developing independence in a child

In order for your baby to try everything he can in the future, to do it himself and enjoy it, you need to use the right parenting techniques. First, it is very important to encourage independence in the child. A small child will want to perform some action himself only if his efforts give a positive result. In addition, it is very important for him how the surrounding adults react to this. The child wants to receive praise and approval from elders. It is for this reason that parents should try to encourage independence in their child.

The development of independence in children is a complex process, and you need to be patient. Do not rush to help your baby, be patient. Try to get him to handle a difficult situation on his own, and then praise him. Help only if the child definitely cannot do it himself, but at the same time do not do it for him, but act with him.

Formation of independence in children

Passivity and lack of initiative is the main thing for children of primary preschool age. The independence of schoolchildren is formed even when the child is not seven years old. But parents often do not attach any importance to this, hoping that the child will simply grow up. Before that, they do everything for him, without waiting for him to take the initiative. But in fact, school age in itself will not become that magical period when a child suddenly begins to show such qualities as responsibility and independence. This is wrong, with the dependence of a child on an adult, you need to start fighting at an early age, when the baby begins to walk, eat, and so on.

Gradually, the child must independently do what he can do. And parents should not interfere too much in his activities, but are obliged to teach their child to associate his actions with the result, that is, responsibility.

How to teach a child to order

Parents are very often upset by the fact that their already grown up child does not want to maintain order and take care of self-service issues. He makes the bed only after reminders, things are scattered around the room, and the dishes are not removed after eating. How to prevent the development of such a situation? According to most adults, the only thing is putting toys in their places. But experienced teachers assure that it is better to accustom a child to order at the age of five. It will be much more difficult to do this later. The baby is able to bring himself a cup, put a plate in the sink and perform many other simple tasks already at the age of one and a half years, if, of course, you give him such an opportunity. If you do everything for him, then how will he learn independence?

Adolescent autonomy

The question of how to teach a teenager to be independent is very important for parents. This period is a crisis, as it is associated with the child's awareness of himself as a person with his own characteristics and character. For him, peer assessment is of great importance, through which the very perception of a teenager is refracted. During this period, he, like a two-three-year-old kid, tries to test the rules for strength in order to form his own moral and ethical code. However, this is only a continuation of the formation of the thinking of an autonomous person, separate from adults, and not the beginning of the development of independence.

Why does a child become dependent on parents? Mainly because he gets used to the fact that his parents decide and do everything for him. This reduces his sense of his own competence and forms dependence on the opinions and tips of others. The child gets older, but at the same time continues to think that he is unable to do or decide anything without the help of adults.

Why is it necessary to develop independence in a child?

This is a very important process of growing up a person. At the same time, the goal of developing independence is not only to teach the child to serve himself and clean up after himself. It is important to pay attention to the development of such qualities accompanying independence as the formation of one's own opinion, self-confidence. The child must learn to make decisions and take responsibility for them, not be afraid of the consequences and the desire to take the initiative, be able to set goals, achieve them and not be afraid to make mistakes. After all, it is much easier to get down to business if the assessment of others does not have much influence.

Independence of the younger generation- This is a hot topic. Recall, it would seem, the recent past, when schoolchildren were everywhere engaged in various educational jobs, either in the field, on potatoes, or in additional labor education lessons. That was the time! It is scary and difficult to imagine today's 14-year-old driving a tractor or combine, even under the supervision of a senior partner. Needless to say, today's idlers are so dependent that it is sometimes scary to entrust them with a bicycle.

And it's not easy problem, and not some additional reason to shake your head, complaining about the youth. Lack of self-reliance at a young age puts rotten roots in a person, decomposing it. Not vaccinated from an early age, it does not form later on its own. And having gone to study or simply having moved out to his own apartment, the young man very quickly turns the place of his independent dwelling into a garbage dump unsuitable for the continuation of the existence of a person in it.

After all, he wash the dishes plainly he can't, and he's not used to it. As soon as his mother disappeared from behind, reminding him twenty times to wash the plate or strict, the need for washing dishes on a conscious level immediately disappeared. Such a person also does not know how to cook, he is not scientific in maintaining life. Ahead of him are long and difficult years of irregular nutrition and life, which, ultimately, will undermine his health. This is not a horror story designed to upset you, but a sadly true modern story that can be heard at every turn.

Of course it is at all not the future we want for our children. But in order to cultivate independence in them, you have to work hard. This will require an integrated approach, consisting of gradualness, trust, support, honesty and respect. Let's take it all in order now.

Don't rush and don't demand too much at once. The principle of gradual self-learning is to curb your own expectations and set yourself up for the long haul. People do not suddenly become independent, if yesterday your child could not take care of his clothes on his own, you should not expect that tomorrow he will cope with cooking dinner. Be patient and set feasible requirements, clearly divide his growing up into stages.

Trust your child. Stop paying loud attention to his every failure. Growing up is hard, remember that. And reproaches and accusations never worked. As opposed to approval and praise. This brings us to the principle of support. Pay attention to every manifestation of independence and responsible behavior and show your child that you have noticed it. Everyone wants to be appreciated, and there is no better motivator for further development than recognition of their merits.

Be honest. As for honesty - do not be cunning, do not play "psychological games" with your child and do not hide your intentions from him, no one likes this. Talk to him honestly, as if you were an adult. Explain that you are concerned about your son's or daughter's level of independency and offer to work together to grow him up.

Should be given to kid understand that independence brings not only responsibility and obligations, but also new opportunities. He will quite find such an approach much more reasonable and justified than constant punishment for misconduct. Is it possible to allow a person who does not even know how to wash the dishes after himself to walk until late? How to let go to the camp for the summer the one who brushed his teeth exclusively under pressure all year and scattered his clothes around the room? Is he entitled to personal pocket money who is unable to go out for bread without losing his change, his bread, and his own shoes? Responsibility and independence give rights and power to control oneself to an ever greater extent. The desire for independence can hardly be stimulated in a better way than by strengthening this understanding in the head of a teenager.

Respect your children. This logically brings us to the principle of respect. Psychologist Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People tells a very revealing story about a five-year-old boy who constantly wets his bed. It is clear that for this age this is not a tragedy, but the child simply does not yet know how to control the bladder at night. And yet, the father decided to try one interesting approach.

He took boy with her to the store, dressing him up in a child's costume, and together they went to pick out a bed for him. The choice of a bed was left to the young man, and the seller addressed the young buyer invariably with "You". When the bed was bought, the boy was also given the opportunity to choose new pajamas, because he had grown out of the old one, and it was not appropriate for such an adult and independent young man to sleep in children's clothes.

After to kid they gave him the opportunity to choose a bed and pajamas, the family forgot about the "night problems" forever, because the guy felt like an adult, significant, and therefore independent. And when he felt like that, he became like that.

This story Fine shows how a respectful attitude towards the child and trust in him raises his level. Most parents only hear something like: “Come on, you can’t do it!”, “You can’t do it yourself, put it back!”. It becomes unclear who and why they convince their children of worthlessness.

Of course it's hard to respect enough dependent personality, but it is even more difficult to become such a person when you are not worth a penny. In this situation, it is you, as an older and smarter person, who will have to take the first step. Only a respectful attitude towards your children will make them independent one day. Only an honest attitude towards them will allow them to trust you, only support and approval from your side (and not reproaches, screams and complaints) will help and feel the strength to become more independent.

Well, how about you will have to be patient. Personal development is not a one day process. But the result is always worth the effort spent on it, you can be 100% sure of this.

We open the explanatory dictionary of Ushakov:

Independence- this is independence, freedom from external influences, coercion, from outside support, help. But since our site is dedicated to children, we consider the items that are suitable for them: independence from outside support and help. This is the initial stage of human independence, without passing through which there can be no freedom from external influences in adulthood.

A child needs to start learning independence from a toddler age (from 1.5 to 3 years). Many parents will now be indignant: "How can a child be independent at this age?" You will be surprised, but this is the most wonderful time to start participating in household chores, although "not convenient" for parents.

During this period, children have a craving for independence. You probably heard more than once from your baby "I myself!". At this age, the child can do little, but really wants to do something important himself. It is very inconvenient when a 1.5 year old baby helps to cook, tries to wash the dishes, etc. And we forbid doing this: we don’t let you wash the dishes, because it will spill water and break something, we don’t let you salt the soup, peel vegetables, because there will be dirt. We do not allow sweeping, mopping, dismantling bags of groceries. We are in a hurry all the time, and it seems to us that we cannot slow down to let the baby help us. But sometimes it's worth trying to stop a little.

The child has a need to help and do things on his own. By not allowing them to participate in important everyday processes, we stop the development of independence and initiative, and 10 years later we are surprised: "Why does the child not want to do anything around the house, and does not want to do anything at all?"

One of the characteristics of modern upbringing is hyperprotection, total and not always noticeable to parents. Now the child-centric family has become the norm, the needs of children are higher than the needs of parents. A child stands on a pedestal and life revolves around a precious child. We would rather help the child than wait for help from him. In addition, when the child is small, it is easier for us without his help and we lose the opportunity to connect the child to the everyday life and needs of the family while he is still small.

Hyperprotection (hyperprotection) - excessive concern for children, the desire to surround them with increased attention, satisfy all needs, protect them even in the absence of a real threat. Parents save the child from the need to solve problem situations, as a ready-made solution is offered, or parents solve problems without the participation of the baby.

The consequences of overprotection are lack of independence in everyday life, the ability to independently overcome difficulties and soberly assess them, infantilism and self-doubt are lost. Even a very smart child becomes helpless and not independent in life.

Another item that can prevent a child from learning independence is a nanny. It just so happened that in the area where I live, it is very difficult to meet a mother walking with her baby. Almost all children have nannies who take care of them, walk, feed, wash, and some even put them to bed. Of course, having a nanny is great: mom has time to do her work, relax, go to the salon, etc. But there is a big drawback: a nanny is a person invited to serve the child, satisfying the needs and fulfilling all his whims. As practice shows, the nanny cannot refuse the baby anything, with the exception of dangerous situations and objects. She cannot object to her parents and explain that excessive guardianship and pampering will not have a positive effect on the adult life of a still little man. At the same time, parents try to find a nanny with a higher pedagogical education, preferably with medical education and knowledge of 2-3 foreign languages.

But when the nanny begins her duties, the parents establish certain rules for handling the child, and none of them will even ask if this is correct from the point of view of pedagogy. For example, many four-five-year-old children do not know how to eat, dress, go to the toilet, wash themselves, and so on. Such simple things are not available to them, since the nanny fully serves the child and does everything for him.

On a walk with one of the nannies, we somehow raised the topic of pedagogy and parenting. The nanny honestly admitted that if the ward had been her grandson, she would have raised him differently: more strictly, she would not have wiped the snot off a five-year-old child, but would have taught him to do it on his own. But alas, her job is to teach to read, write, fulfill any whim, never scold and smile sweetly, even if the child offends someone. Yes, this child learned to read at the age of 4, at 5 he can explain himself in English, but he is absolutely not prepared for real life: he cannot do elementary things, he is capricious and spoiled, and already at this age he begins to form a consumer attitude towards surrounding.

We examined the main reasons that prevent a child from becoming independent and proactive. Let's now figure out how to raise an independent child.

We will divide the development of a child's independence into several levels. Even if your child is already 10-15 years old, I advise you to read about all the levels and you will understand where you made a mistake and how to fix it. Sometimes it happens that a ten-year-old child begins to learn from scratch.

Level 1. Independence of a child of 3 years

Already by the age of three, the child is able to minimally serve himself and master the range of daily household chores.

Well, if you asked yourself the question of raising a child's independence, then you need to determine the range of daily household chores.

What can children do at 3-4 years old:

1. Undress independently and dress with some help.
2. Simple hygiene procedures: brush your teeth, wash and dry your face and hands.
3. Take napkins, plates, cutlery to the table.
4. Remove the plates, cutlery, crumbs left after eating, wipe your place at the table.
5. Collect and put the toys in the appropriate place.
6. Put the books on the shelf.
7. Put things on the shelf, to a level where the child can easily reach.
8. Transfer the package with products or a jar of canned food from the package to the desired shelf.

There are four- and five-year-olds who do not undress or dress themselves.

Two test points: when the child independently eats and dresses. According to psychologists, if a child of 4 years old cannot eat on his own, this indicates a high degree of parental anxiety. If a child under 4 years old cannot dress independently, this indicates liberality in education, the softness of the parental character, and again, anxiety. If a person cannot teach a child to dress by the age of 4, then something seriously interferes psychologically with him.

A child should be able to dress by the age of 4. In winter, when you need to put on a lot of clothes, especially in a hurry, the child needs help. There is one important nuance: the child must dress himself when he is in optimal condition, those. when he is healthy, not tired, not capricious. If he is naughty just because he does not want to dress, there is no reason to make concessions and do everything for him.

By the age of 3, a child can wear things with simple fasteners without narrow necks, it is difficult to put on tights, socks, sleeves (if the clothes are narrow). At this age, he can wear shoes himself: sandals, shoes, sneakers, not high boots. As a rule, shoes for this age group are made with Velcro and the child copes with them on his own. If the shoes have laces, help the baby. High boots and boots are hard to come by. When putting on shoes, the child will have good practice in mastering the right-left sides.

A child can shoot anything!

The child may interfere with sensitivity. There are children who cry when they are dressed between the ages of one and two, especially certain types of things. They can be sensitive to synthetic and woolen fabrics. There are things that are tight, have collars, prick labels. Schoolchildren can also experience this, they get annoyed but do not understand what is wrong. If a child has problems with dressing, you need to take a closer look at what he wears easily and what he wears with a scandal.

When a child goes to kindergarten, you need to carefully prepare and choose clothes with which the baby can dress on his own: loose, comfortable clothes without complicated fasteners, trousers without zippers and laces. Now kindergartens are overcrowded and in each group there are 25-28 people, of course, the teacher will not be able to dress everyone and the child will have to cope with this on his own. And if there are difficult clothes to put on, most likely she will not be dressed at all. What it threatens, guess for yourself. Therefore, it is important to simplify the task for the baby and prepare him for this initial level of independence even before kindergarten.

Equally important is the ability to clean up after yourself from the table. We often feel sorry for children and do everything ourselves. But you can come up with a beautiful way to clean up after yourself after eating: it can be beautiful napkins, bright panicles, new sponges, you can play with a vacuum cleaner. It is important to encourage the child for such work.

It is equally important to teach the child to clean up after themselves after creativity: after drawing, sculpting, and so on. If a child does not know how to clean up after himself, then it is impossible to move on and master new levels of independence.

Not all adults can easily pick up a rag, therefore, it is important to give the child a clean rag for cleaning so as not to cause a feeling of disgust. Especially if the child loves cleanliness and gets annoyed when he stains his hands or clothes with paint. You need to go to meet him.

Independence and responsibilities begin with the fact that you can put in order not only your toys, but you can put things in relative order with SAFE objects: clothes, slippers, pots, spoons, food packages, vegetables. Many mothers are worried about hygiene, from their point of view, vegetables, slippers, etc. are very dirty, but the child needs to get used to doing any work, including dirty work. This habit will help in the future, and your child will not have problems cleaning their clothes and shoes.

Many children are disturbed by absent-mindedness. There are many dreamers and dreamers among children, there are very impressionable, thoughtful children who play well. On the one hand, this is a great joy for parents, on the other hand, we must understand that the child must be taught to concentrate, to collect his attention to complete any task. If we do not teach this to a preschooler, then there will be problems with learning at school, it will be difficult for the child to concentrate on classes, on doing homework.

As far as preschoolers are concerned, there is a general rule: the minimum time a child can concentrate for = his age + 1 minute. For example, a 3-year-old kid should be focused for at least 4 minutes. We can well expect this.

It happens that a child is ready to do household chores, but at some point it cools down and he needs to be given new, more complex tasks. At three years old, a child may well do all of the above, but very often WE cannot: we do not understand that we need to insist, help, encourage, come up with something to interest. Some parents can't insist and it doesn't become a daily chore. And most adults do not understand that you need to repeat not 2 times, not 10, not 20, but 200-300-500 times. I'm not kidding!!! In 3-year-olds and 4-year-olds, the nervous system is arranged in such a way that the rules, including the rules related to duties, are steadily formed from three months to six months. Only then does it become a habit. Provided that you do not break this circle and do not lose the rhythm.

The first enemy of parents is not the ability to insist on one's own, the second enemy is the lack of consistency. That is, today the child dresses himself, puts away toys, but not tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, because it is easier for parents. It is quite logical that the child does not understand the daily change of rules.

Parents need to be prepared psychologically for the resistance of the child. Playing with dolls, cars is nice, but collecting toys is a completely different thing. But the main thing is not the amount of work and help that we can get from the baby, but how it contributes to the development of the individual.

Often the child we ask to do something "freezes". He does not resist, thinks, folds something for a long time or carries a toy in a box and flirts. This is fine! We need to tune in to slowness, to understand that our rhythm will go astray, especially with sensitive, slow children. Children (like adults) differ in pace, there is someone who does everything very quickly, there are people who do everything very slowly.

The creative task of parents is a cheerful and cheerful rhythm, to which the child will join cheerfully and with pleasure.

In the next article, we will look at levels 2 and 3 of children's independence. What can children 4-6 years old.

In order not to miss the release of the publication, subscribe to the mailing list.

The fact that children should, growing up, become independent, in general, is understood by all parents. So where do the “armless”, lazy and inept men and women come from, of which our world is full of?

What mistakes in upbringing lead to the fact that the child does not show independence - the site will tell the site.

How were children's independence treated in the past?

You must have read classic literary works about children in the 18th, 19th, early 20th centuries. Remember "Oliver Twist", "Uncle Tom's Cabin" and other books from the school curriculum in which children worked hard and did housework?

In Bazhov's Silver Hoof, the old man took the five-year-old orphan Darenka to live with him to help him with the household, and left her alone for several days in a forest hut, going hunting in the winter. Nekrasov described a boy, “a peasant with a fingernail,” who was taking firewood out of the forest on a sleigh, which his father chopped.

Reading all these works, we can sincerely rejoice that child labor is prohibited and the "dark times" are over, that our schoolchildren do not need to graze the flock, nurse numerous sisters and brothers, do laundry by hand on the river, etc.

But have you ever wondered how this was even possible? Why were children in the past capable of this (moreover, in families of "dark", illiterate and having no idea about child psychology and the methods of peasants or workers), while today's children at the same age barely lace up their shoes and do not know which side approach the potatoes and the gas stove? But everything is done for today's kids - educational games, innovative pedagogical methods ...

Moreover, we consider our “mother's tulips” to be developed and matured early on the basis of the fact that a child knows how to handle a tablet and a smartphone and is better than a dad through a dozen computer games. And that's good, but...

How to develop a child's independence? Get lazy more!

In general, the main problem of modern children is the usual household lack of independence. The child does not strive to learn how to provide himself with basic household amenities, because many modern adults, with the best intentions, believe that it is too early to teach him how to boil potatoes / wash the floor / darn socks, etc. Because he will cut himself / burn himself / burn the pan / will not wash it clean, and in general - he is still small, let him have a childhood ...

A recipe from the Beautiful and Successful website, how to teach a child independence in everyday life from an early age: be a helper for the baby, but not his servant!

Of course, all children develop at an individual pace, but when you see that your child is already quite dexterous with his fingers, then start offering him tasks that develop independence instead of games. For example, a preschooler can be instructed to clean soft fruits for jam, or give him a small mop and bucket to clean the floor in his room, etc. Yes, perhaps he will do it badly at first, but then - better and better!

The main thing is that the kid must understand that he does not have servants - adults will help him if he objectively failed, they can teach him new skills, but they will not do what he is capable of instead of him.

So that the child does not think that he is deliberately loaded with tasks, you can simply tell him that you are tired and do not want to clean up for him. Do not pack a schoolbag for him, do not iron a shirt for tomorrow (if he knows how to iron), do not cook food every time if you know that your child is able to build something edible for himself from the available products. By doing this, you do not deprive the child of childhood and do not overload him - with the presence of modern gadgets, all household self-service activities are simplified to a minimum and take very little time, and the student will not have to do anything physically difficult.

Yes, of course, not always your child will independently remember all his household chores and do them on time and well. But this is also an important educational moment: an independent person should be characterized not only by diligence, but also by personal initiative!

In order for a child to do some useful actions not at the behest, but on his own initiative, he must feel what happens if this is not done. I didn’t pack my backpack in the evening - I had to do it in the morning, I was late for school and forgot two notebooks. I didn’t throw jeans into the washer - I went in dirty ones.

And yes - parents, do not be afraid that the child will be too superficial about the consequences of his choice in favor of laziness! Sometimes, of course, a teenager will be too lazy to cook porridge and cut a salad for dinner, and he will get by with tea and a sandwich, sometimes he will walk in wrinkled clothes, and the mess in his room will not be cleaned as often as you would like.

But the main thing is that he can do it all when he wants to.

Believe me, he will clean up if a pretty classmate agrees to visit him, make dinner if he really gets sick of snacking on tea and bread, and wash his pants when he notices that among fashionably dressed friends he is the only one who looks like a bum. Children and teenagers are not so principled nihilists: they perfectly distinguish a good result from a bad one, they do not always consciously strive to do bad things, and they, like us adults, should have the right to be lazy!

There is no development of independence from under pressure - these are generally contradictory concepts.

A dependent child: a problem in gender education?

Another very typical reason in our society why children grow up as "mama's sons" and women as "white-handed princesses" is gender education, pedaled from early childhood. The division of the necessary skills into male and female, a clear demonstration of the fact that it is not necessary to do “not one’s own” business is an everyday reality in many post-Soviet families.

The boy is hinted that he should not be particularly zealous in learning to cook, darn, wash and iron - these are not male occupations. The theory is supported by a clear example of dad and grandfather, who really expect women to have homemade dinners, ironed clothes and sparkling cleanliness in the apartment, without making any effort to do it themselves. In such an environment, if the boy is shown a couple of times how to eliminate a hole in a sock, wash a stain or fry potatoes, he is unlikely to do it on his own initiative - dad does not darn his own socks and does not cook dinners for the whole family.

This is how another “armless” grows up, who then begins to demand from girls and wives everything that mother and grandmother did in the parental family.

Girls are sometimes brought up as princesses. Since childhood, they have been instilled with the idea that working hard and providing for themselves completely independently (both in domestic and financial terms) is the lot of losers who did not get a “real man”. Can an independent girl grow up, who sees and hears all her childhood that “dad works, and mom is beautiful”?

That almost everything in the house is done by the hands of a “real man” (or a housekeeper paid by him), and mom is lucky - she can do something only at moments of special inspiration, and not without fail? In such families, the same blondes often grow out of jokes - mismanaged, ignorant of simple everyday issues.

What to do? There is no need to educate a “real woman” or “real man” - educate a good, responsible, proactive and multi-skilled person. The more universal and diverse the set of knowledge and skills acquired by a person in childhood, the easier it will be for him in adulthood. And gender identity will not change from this!

How to develop independence in students?

School and the life of a student outside the home is the area in which independence develops best. Much more independent are those children who spend a lot of time outside the family circle - expanding the circle of a child's social contacts usually directly affects his ability to act independently in different situations. Even the most dependent child quickly realizes that the outside world very rarely brings what you want “on a silver platter”, that in order to feel comfortable, it makes sense to learn how to provide this comfort for yourself.

For example, many children in kindergarten quickly learn how to dress, put on shoes, eat neatly and independently, etc. A student with diverse interests, attending circles or just spending a lot of time with friends, learns to properly manage his time and distribute his affairs, be responsible for his actions and promises, etc.

It can be useful for a dependent teenager to find one and feel that responsibility is not just a requirement of parents and teachers, but a quality that is really needed in life.

If your student is completely dependent, take the risk of sending him to a summer camp (maybe even a tent, such as scouting, where the emphasis is on survival skills in the wild). Invite him to do some kind of team sport (football, volleyball, etc.) - playing in a team greatly increases independence!

In terms of developing independence and initiative, a peer society can give a child much more than spending time with adults!