Confession of a mistress nick. Confessions of a former lover. From Wrong Love to Real Love read online by Nika Nabokova. About the book “Confessions of a former mistress. From Wrong Love to True Love Nika Nabokov

My whole book is written for you. Usually I don’t help mistresses, I don’t do love spells, I don’t explain how to take someone else’s husband out of the family.

But now I deliberately deviate from my principles in order to give an opportunity to look at my reception and listen to the revelations of someone's partners in the tango threesome.

for you, their words will not be superfluous.

“I saw him and nothing happened. Earth and sky have not changed places. A tired, plump man with a bright look and kind eyes.

I'm fine. Prosperous marriage, child, work. There are many things that one could only dream of as a child. And most importantly, I can do whatever I want. My childhood dream came true - I work with creative people. What was not possible to learn when there was a desire, now - on! Take it, grab it with both hands. All roads are open, and I took! I studied eagerly, eagerly. I read a book a day. Everything in a row: classics, special literature, studied on the go. And I'm very interested in life!

Somehow I managed to go to the opening day, where I didn’t know anyone at all. And immediately - OH! All on feelings. With a half-word, on a heartbeat, everything happened. He knew how to speak beautifully, like no one before him and after, knew how to make fun and light in his soul just like that - he does not feel sorry. He knew how to deal with me. And I soaked it in literally every cell. The excitement came later.

Much later, I realized that, probably, this is how the one I had always imagined should look like. The one under which she squeezed each of her men. And there were not so many of them.

Everything happened easily and naturally, like breathing. No internal censor interfered with me, so important was what was happening between us.

He loved obsessively, bathed in happiness, he was blinded. I shone next to him and did not expect anything.

When he was not around, breathing stopped. He taught me to write everyday, took all my free time, and then my non-free time. No help, no advice, no gifts - I did not ask for anything. I knew that I was busy - and thanked for every second spent with me. There were no scandals, there was nothing that gave me reason to hope for something. Yes, and how? He has a family and a child, he is busy with his work, he is a genius. The man is everyone's favorite! Everyone hisses behind the eyes, but nothing is said in the eyes. It is for everyone, but, most importantly, it is not mine.

My family was stable and free, maybe that's why I calmly parted with my husband without drama and insults.

He called me his, dreamed and made plans. He didn’t talk much about his family, and I didn’t ask. For what? I had no idea that we could live together. He is a dream man, and what is better than a dream?

So time went on. He will stop by for an hour, kiss from head to toe, say so many good words that he will take your breath away. Not having time to get bored, he left to return. Never really helped me with anything. Several times, however, he helped in his studies, for which special thanks to him, but otherwise - no, no. Either this is a tactic, or a principle ... When I felt bad, he was never there. Whatever happens: from a banal high temperature to a broken finger. Someone will take you to the emergency room, bring oranges and roses, someone will buy medicine and take you to the market for groceries.

I didn’t even dare to ask to meet or pick up from somewhere. He has so many things to do, and I can organize my own affairs. I can get there on my own. Not for this he me. I love him. I love him even now. Sometimes he did not appear for weeks - he waited.

She asked: “Let me know in advance if you can’t come on holidays, I will organize entertainment for myself and have a great time.” No. It will make it to the last and still leave on the New Year, on your birthday, on March 8 and in general. He always came only when he wanted, for as long as he wanted, and opened the door because she was waiting. I waited, although I was afraid to admit to myself that I was waiting. I hoped - he would come, I would smile at him and let him go as soon as he asked to be free. And he didn't ask. Packed up in a minute and left. At night, in the snow, he went somewhere.

As I understood, not always home. I never got angry. Why?

I was not jealous - he bathed me in attention: and text messages, and calls, and arrivals without warning.

I was sad, I won’t pretend, when he disappeared for several days or when exactly five minutes were not enough to breathe in him.

I am a self-sufficient person, just like they write and advise in all women's magazines.

I don't need money.

Light and smiling.

Creative and in demand.

Affectionate, attentive and sexy.

I do not reproach, I do not conflict, I forgive, I adapt.

I look good, well-groomed and confident.

The child helps me to live, but does not interfere.

The people around me love me.

Relations with my mother are excellent, she supports and understands me.

But a couple of days a month I really want to be taken care of. A lot of my friends are ready to do anything for me, but I just want to be his woman. So that he knows what kind of soap I like, what kind of juice I drink.

And he is always a guest. He doesn't care about my problems. Of course, I listen if he feels bad or sad, but I'm a holiday woman, and I can't complain. I love people and do not regret anything for them. I generously distribute abilities, warmth, knowledge, love, everything returns to me a hundredfold.

But today I came to you for an appointment, because in the midst of complete well-being, yesterday I terminated a relationship that lasted a year and a half. I just wrote; “You no longer have me. Thank you for everything".

He replied: “Good luck. I believe in you. It’s a pity that I didn’t like it for a break.

Yes, dislike. Let her remember better the way she was. You can't stoop to strife. You yourself taught: if you don’t like something, leave yourself. That's what I did."

I ask: "What happened?"

“I guess I just realized that my love is in the wrong place. And his love is in the wrong place. Where he was in a hurry - a family, a child, and you can not be late. He was never around, if it’s difficult, okay, but the few minutes that I need in joy, in happiness, I can’t just let go.

- Stay fifteen minutes. I need you. I feel good. Talk to me.

- You're holding me up, letting me down. Get dressed and go.

“I can't leave you like this.

- Do not leave.

“But I have to go home immediately.

He still made me get up and see him off. I closed the door and… closed this love story. Will you help me get out of this state?

Here they come! Although I have an unspoken principle not to help mistresses, they still get an appointment, in a ratio of three to one. For three abandoned - one waiting. Why don't I listen to her fears and hopes and help her sort out the sluggish man-trapping?

I had to tell her

“I will definitely help you.

You are a mistress, and listen to your truth.

You have no rights (neither to call at night, nor to arrive unexpectedly). You "stole it like someone else's car -" nine "- as in Allegrova's song. She will be found and returned to her rightful owner. Other options are isolated cases of luck, but only the car will have to be redone: change signs, interrupt numbers, repaint, change the interior. So, in the end, someone's man will also have to change, but you love the one who is with the current owner! That's all parsley. Guilty without guilt.

Yes, you are to blame. In front of a wife who claims that dogs themselves provoke the attention of the opposite sex. In front of him - that she met on the way, and there was no strength to leave you, because you really are far from being an image and wanted him to stay with you. In front of her - that she has earned so many complexes - guilt, her own uselessness, self-pity, sacrifice, surprise from inattention and complete lack of care.

Would you like me to describe a standard situation? Listen, cry and don't interrupt.

The man sleeps at home, and possibly in the same bed with his wife. You also sleep with him, but usually not in bed and not at his house, but most often at your place, so that he is comfortable.

Laying in a common bed does not mean a common life. He thinks if he is good with you now, and you - how everything will turn out for you further.

He has very great opportunities, but he does not help you, does not support you in your work and does not introduce you to the right people, because it is customary to go to people with your wife, even if she is far from the Playboy or Knitting standard.

A wife is an unshakable frame, a foundation, a cell. A mistress, one or several (let's return to the Allegro repertoire again) are drafts. One is a hurricane, the other is cigarette smoke. Your wife, perhaps, outlived such a dozen of you, and even she herself at one time beat him off, then still young and unmarried, what a sweetheart. Nothing. After the hurricane they will put in glass and sweep it. You look, in two years she will give birth to another baby - so that for good. Someday it will settle down! Better a pie all together than rubbish alone. So.

And you bite off the pie, although the pie is hers, and you grab the best berry - his love and desire. Who will like it?

She does not think now that there is no worse punishment for him than to live with an unloved woman.

Do you know why he doesn't think? Doesn't know she's unloved. What is it, he needs a year and a half all the time so urgently to go home? Do not make me laugh. Regulations! Your time is up. Be strong! He took this time for himself. Did you want to be smart, handsome, cheerful next to you? Everyone wants. Unfortunately, according to your story, it cannot be called reliable.

You are in love with a married man, and he tells you how reliable he is at home. Either he brought medicines, then he makes repairs, then he gave his wife a chain with a pendant, he took it abroad. But this is all because it seems to be necessary. Of course, he does not love his wife at all, but he tells you that he wants to call you his wife. He writes that in his unhappy, difficult life, YOU are the light, the outlet, the sweetheart, the sun, a sweet, beloved, rare woman.

According to his legend, he does not love his wife for a long time. And probably didn't like it at all. Sleep - no! They sleep in different rooms. And almost from the day of the wedding they had no sex.

Here, of course, you “love” him brightly and passionately, then you still regret his ruined life, you sympathize ... both in bed, and in an abandoned warehouse, and in a car on the street. A love affair, of course, makes your life richer, brighter, and risk and dosage only add oil to the flame.

Do you think you're the only one who understands it that way? And his wife cooks delicious food for him, they are cozy and warm. Weekends are peace and blessings. They work. They live for themselves, and you wait, wait, wait. Are you waiting?

No, you don't expect him to leave. You wait for HIM because you love. And she loves too, and with your appearance twice as much.

He washes the car because he and his wife are going to a wedding with friends.

And you are waiting.

You are a year and a half, and someone is half a life. You look back, but you wanted a child, but you were afraid to create difficulties for him. From the first date, she didn’t cheat on him, and already three times you’ve been treating some kind of “nonsense” at the gynecologist. On nervous grounds or after alcohol, he allegedly exacerbates old sins ... This is all nonsense, okay? Our feminine delirium. I want and believe that you need someone who needs you. Each of you, and you, and he, and your wife live in parallel worlds. Your man will give odds to any science fiction writer. These worlds for you, girls, he came up with. He is great at inventing! Fact.

He was always with you when he needed participation or rest. He didn't ask for anything more. He solved his family and work problems without you - but I wonder if he really really loved you? If this is love. How can you not bring your favorite sweets and flowers? How not to dream of giving her something other than the moon and your promise that tomorrow will come again? Ignorance is disrespect. And the fact that he jumped up, dressed, ran, as in the "Autumn Marathon", is a habit from the institute. Was (tick in the journal), learned the topic, then rewrite the important. Exam passed. Diploma received. Do you understand what I mean?

Love is made, what does he care about your veal tenderness for another fifteen minutes?

He is in a hurry. When a person loves, he cannot tear himself away. And every time forever says goodbye, leaving for a moment. In your case, such a farewell does not draw on love.

Everything needs to be done. Of course, there will be breakdowns. But as? Spree. Night. To whom will he write, to whom will he come? Well, of course, to you. He loves you too. In the morning he will get ready, like a soldier, he will not drink tea, he will leave the entrance, turn on the phone and inform his wife about his return from a business trip. How many times have you not wanted to think about it? How many love orgies spoiled by his wife's calls, especially if he still picked up the phone, holding out his hand through you, and said: “I'm with you, I'm with you, I'll be there soon!”

You told him: “How are you with her if you are on me?” Tears cannot be held back. The phone, however, began to turn off, and thanks for that.

You know so little about him. Only short stories about the apartment, work. Three times we went to a restaurant and once went out of town. Not much.

He would not tolerate any of the men next to you. He did everything for you to be alone. He needs it so much, he is the owner.

And you're all waiting. Until the health of the wife improves, until the work begins, then it ends, there will be a super deal, a super project, super meetings. The son is getting married and divorced. Construction begins, then ends. You also have no one to nail a shelf, but what can be done in an hour? Love in an hour is not combined with anything. You can find an unmarried man. But you love, which means you choose loyalty yourself. And after five or ten years, having been a “second wife”, you will not get married anymore. And if it happens, then that poor sufferer, you will test him for strength. Revenge in your own way. Play on it. Somewhere he walks, he doesn’t know his happiness, your next “beloved”!

Yes, you can not think now that someone else can replace him.

You cry, cry.

So it is necessary. The time has come for you to cry.

There, at work, there is also a woman. For a while they will be friends, and then without much love - lovers. Comfortable!

They listen and participate in each other's work. She is aware of his affairs. It all started with light revelations, psychotherapy. Here you listen, and there, at work, - he. He will advise anyone, and joke, and rather help someone completely alien, but not you. Because you're doing so well.

It is difficult to say how your man would behave if you were included in the role of "unfortunate" or, God forbid, would become her. Judging by the stories, I think he would have been lost.

Remember when you needed help when you needed manpower? After all, it was difficult, and he said: “This is not my problem.” You said correctly. Your problems are not his problems. He has enough problems of his own and his legal wife.

Your friends helped you. Thank them very much. Where are they now? He quietly outlived them all, clearing your time for himself.

At work, an affair is a business alliance plus quick love, then a habit. Sometimes it is very long.

Then another woman will appear. Call in, drink tea, and the family will remain standing as a monolith, because in his case this is also a kind of business union with rules established in a long struggle.

Even a Japanese geisha dreams of one wealthy client. Yes, you have to plow for several, they can’t get married, but the dream is one richer.

Your Ole Lukoye's umbrella was bright and old. Water leaked into all the holes. Or maybe only to you he came with this umbrella. And at home, thanks to the same union, is he all right? What's up with that?!

This object is not for you. You took a bite - you won't swallow it. Spit, or you'll choke.

You, as you say, are so good, just an “excellent student”. So, you also need an “excellent student” in a couple? Dudki. Usually good girls love bullies, those who do not notice them.

Well, God be with him!

Considered it necessary to end the relationship - great!

If in a few weeks it appears, the outcome is unknown. Love is a very incomprehensible and hitherto unknown thing.

During the time for which he can "get lost", you can die three times. But he knows that you will survive.

Relationships are a tricky thing. They have been building at Dom-2 for two years already - they won’t build it, and you are alone, without a script and psychologists, and there is no one to advise.

His words will not be forgotten: “I want to be with you”, “You are my destiny”, “You deserve the best - me”.

Will you wait again?

Do you really think he's really unhappy with his wife? Look: clean, well-groomed, moderately well-fed.

And “we will be with you together” - this is such a suggestion given to you for peace of mind in order to lower your vigilance.

If I wanted to, I would have left in the first six months, now I won’t leave. If earlier he was gentle and caring, and now a rare guest with elements of rudeness and disrespect, he will no longer be the same. It’s easier for him to start another than to move to a higher level of relationship with you. If I wanted to, I would have moved on.

You allowed him to love you less once. And the torment for the sake of this love you considered as the norm. You probably didn't respect yourself for letting him think you could do that. With you! She ran on tiptoe - and fell off. Tired of being patient. Everything has a limit. You have a riot.

If you swear to yourself that in life you will never allow anyone to treat you like that, the other extreme lies in wait. You will begin to value yourself and put yourself above other people so highly that you will take off like Icarus and crash, not noticing the golden mean between the sun and the sea.

Try now to find strength in yourself and realize that you are not a slave or a queen. You are you.

You claim that you do not receive care and tolerate boorish attitude towards yourself for a year and a half. Can you imagine how surprised he was? He doesn't understand you. All this time you encouraged him with delicious food, wonderful bed, care and attention, and yesterday you behaved so strangely. Having rewarded her for her disrespectful attitude, she said goodbye.

And chatter about pride in you and writing about admiration is for you. Eat, put on, hug this nonsense. Everything is checked by deeds, not chatter. Oh, you already talked to him about this and didn’t even talk to him for a week? Promised to be sensitive, and makes it even worse? Because the worse it is with you, the more affectionate you were. Draw your own conclusions while you're young.

It was necessary to express resentment - she did the right thing. If you feel remorse, tell him how you would like him to behave in such a situation, and only then kiss him.

No remorse - sorry! Well, disapproves or criticizes, so what? Don't be afraid of him. And if she was silent when he did not care that you were sick; didn’t listen about your problems, got annoyed and offended - expect depression and psychological discomfort. Your self-esteem decreases, and he will assert himself on you - a weakling. Are you afraid of losing him? Then throw it away with your hands.

Remember how you defended him or apologized for his behavior to yourself. But she justified it, because she believed that she could not, he could not be so callous. Maybe. He doesn't apologize, but you justify him. Do you feel less confident with him than at the institute, at work? He wanted you to stay at home - a "good girl" with ponytails, no makeup and jeans. Go to the hairdresser, put on a tight skirt and heels. Perfume buy unusual!

Angry? Do not convince yourself that you are offended, do not need female adaptations - sadness, tears, fear. Do not respond to provocative text messages. And if you have to see each other, and anger still does not leave you, do not drive it inside. Say what you want. Call it cattle. I allow. You will see, there will be no feeling of emptiness and betrayal. You leave on your own. Does he enjoy being at the center of your suffering? Enough.

And since you have realized everything, listened to me - leave "an unfinished novel in the park on a bench", and the sooner the better.

If your goal is to get married, a married man is the least suitable for this.

Now you need to stop making every effort, and if everything collapses, give him the opportunity to prove himself. Either he starts doing something, or he has neither desire nor interest in it.

You can earn gratitude, but not love. When you cry, he takes responsibility for your tears and scolds himself for them, and then gets angry because you stuck a psychological thorn in him. He is confident in himself, but if there are problems at work, he cannot pay attention to relationships. There are two of you, remember? We also need to communicate at home. You do not understand why he cannot throw himself into your armful for comfort, forgetting about sorrows and worries? In men, the switch handle from feelings to thoughts is not the same as ours. He can make love to you and think about work. And that's okay. But when we think, especially out loud, they don't like it.

How many sleepless nights and shed tears? What you feel for him now is woven from many sensations. Either love or hate - there is so much in the past. He taught you not to be ashamed of your desires and taught you not to depend on them and on himself.

You understand that the feeling that you saw each other in a past life is simply because this very parallel reality of another life is happening right now.

If you choose to remain a mistress and live in hope - well, your right.

But still there are laws that are best never broken.

Master the art of not exerting yourself unnecessarily.

Do not talk about your connection left and right, do not tell details, especially do not compose and do not embellish.

Entertain yourself, know what to answer him if he once again cannot come to you.

Do not ask where he was and with whom - this is not your reality. He ceases to be yours as soon as he ties his shoelaces at the exit of your apartment.

Do not beg for gifts and flowers.

Don't make conditions. Likely to lose. Do not make demands - this is again you intercepting the privileges of your wife. These are her ways of fighting. Do not confuse.

You can't get into your personal life. Do not ask about the relationship, do not advise how to act, do not criticize and do not be mean, analyzing the actions of his wife. Play fair with her toy.

Get ready to be used as a psychoanalyst, lawyer, nanny, counselor, nurse and mother.

Learn to patiently wait. Days when he is gone seem empty. All in doubt when choosing nail polish or new underwear. Also a problem! Ah, will you like it? You try not to think about your wife and children and trust his stories about how he got into the marriage network through stupidity, youth or flight.

The fact that he is not going to divorce only fuels your interest in him. And the fact that the evening was spent with you, despite the fact that there are so many things that three cannot cope with, makes you rejoice.

Do not disturb his wife under any circumstances. Do not call. Don't text when you know she's around. Try never to come to their house. Don't reply to her negative text messages. She is entitled to everything.

If necessary, UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT that you can lose him at any moment if he needs to.

Always remember the chain of justice in life. Every person is always right. This is good. Don't cry or argue. You always have a way out - to leave and slam the door to your common dimension behind you. You are still in it of your own free will.

I will tell you another case of how one man broke the heart of his mistress. I recommend thinking about how they can ruin everything on their way to a whim. Imagine...

Like a hurricane, it sweeps away everything in its path. He is confident and strong. He inspires you, stunned by the meeting, that you are madly in love with him and you can no longer stop loving him. There is no time to wake up - pressure, adoration, care ...

You are the navel of the earth. He kisses your shoes. This has never happened before!

Your husband (if any) in his understanding is a lucky man who does not know his own happiness. The guy (if you had a lover before) is automatically sent to free flight with a light phrase through your mobile phone. He just picked up the phone and said: “Man! There are more than three million women on the planet, call them. Forget this number, otherwise you will deal with me. Your friend twitched for three weeks, like a pig on a string, and wilted. How to get to you if every free breath of yours is occupied by a passionate kiss of a new hero?!

He does not climb to you at first with the desire to have sex, which alarms and intrigues women. Waits until your chin starts shaking with desire, and then - OP! You are in seventh heaven! Everything in bed is better than ever.

Further, the destroyers usually give time to “flip over”. They are sad when you are busy. They write: “Okay, okay. Nobody loves me, you forgot me!” First funny, then not. He knows everything about you: the number of your lipstick, reads the mood by the color of your eyes, will take you where you need to, lamenting that this place in the car was intended only for you.

His wife also prefers to ride next to him. “But it’s impossible to compare!” he says.

With his wife, of course, he has not slept for a year. He lives because he loves the child, and did not hope that he would meet the best woman in the world - you!

You roll your lips. Looking forward to action. And they are not. And six months. And a year! And more. "Rent an apartment. I will live alone,” you hear. And suddenly your friends leave, rent an apartment for next to nothing. And for some reason he doesn't even go to see her.

You dream of dissolving in it, you are afraid of losing it, you want it entirely for yourself.

You think that the woman who sees him sleeping and smiling at breakfast on Sunday is the happiest woman, and you envy her. But this should not be done, because there he arranges a showdown and even arranges it so that the spouse herself finds out that you are now in his life. Let's put aside her tantrums and assaults on you. She has a right to it. Let's put down your belief that you can still run away from the relationship. You think you are still the master of your emotions. But no! You are automatically drawn into the "pipe of stereotypical body movements." The wife starts a war and fight for her own - for her family and husband. You're trying to prove that you're the best. For what? Then you will realize that you would have sent him to all four if you knew that your wife would WIN your fight for him and he, apologizing (or not apologizing), would leave you.

May she win now! But… you move on, breaking the dry branches of life and injuring the fresh shoots. Like a tank, you're heading towards a brighter future.

Your destroyer is still on horseback. He goes to his mother. Makes your husband aware of your connection and great love. Now your spouse is ramming you. Tantrums are no worse than serial soap operas. He wrings his hands, screams that he will not give money, begs to return, promises that he will forgive everything, buy you a new life. Following this, he remembers that you are rubbish, and all these cute scenes from life begin to look like hell ...

But ahead of happiness! (You think so.) And now the beloved destroyer of your life methodically begins to “pour in” what a freak your spouse is. Either old and fat, or greedy and inattentive ...

If you are still in doubt, for example, thinking about children and considering whether to reconcile with your spouse, the destroyer can think of a trip together with the words: “Let's run away from everyone!”

And you believe, my poor thing, that this “lezginka” in front of you at sea will continue forever. HAHA!

You bought him a sweater. You are talking about children. You announce to your husband that you are leaving. Squeal! Scream! Scuffle and division of property will be omitted.

The story ended like this.

This girl was dragged to my reception by her girlfriends, when, after a suicide attempt (of course, with a theatrical farewell!) They reached her apartment, where she mourned her present across the bed. The lover provoked a slight scandal and returned to his wife. The husband of our heroine, it turns out, successfully complained about life to a lonely student neighbor, and she safely settled with him in their apartment. The husband has a new love, and he laughs at the offer to get together and try everything again.

The child is with a mother who communicates with her son-in-law, but not with her own daughter (how! I forgot about everything, plunging headlong into passion!). When trying to call her “beloved” on her mobile, she always receives a portion of the selected mat from the lucky winner.

And what should I do with her?

Do you think you can scold her now? No. She still hopes for happiness, she is ready to wait. She does not ask for harmony in the house, she wants to either take revenge, or destroy everything further, if there is no way to be happy.

That's where you need a psychologist, psychotherapist or a competent priest!

I had to tell her: “Stop, open the chapter “Emptiness” and pull yourself together. I beg you, don't do anything else. Get out of the stereotype of behavior. Get a job and plunge into it with your head. Take the child away from the mother. Maybe the student will do something stupid, maybe the child will reconcile you and you will be able to restore the family. Maybe the winner-wife will get tired of celebrating in a couple of months, because he loved you and, of course, emotionally "covers" him. Maybe your lover will come to his senses and lean on your knees?! Who knows?

You don't have to blame yourself for everything. Suicide? Funny. You're not Katerina, so off the cliff. Not Anna Karenina. It was already. Not original. Save only time.

A dream man with a "smell" turned out to be. So the eyes saw what they bought. Fear the first impression, for it is the right one.

Nika Nabokova is a popular blogger whose provocative and outspoken blog reached over 300,000 visitors in its first year. She herself openly declares: “Yes, I myself was a mistress in the past. And that is why I know EVERYTHING about why, because of what, for what and for what people cheat. I know how to survive in a love triangle."

When life presents us with a “surprise” in the form of painful, unbearable, confusing situations, we fall into a stupor. And then we have a choice: complain and suffer, or turn everything that happens in our favor. The story that Nika Nabokova shares with readers is about the second option. This book is a simple, accessible, understandable story about how to find strength in yourself, how to start “raising your head”, how to direct your suffering in the right direction, how to take care of your morale, find yourself, piece it together and make a name for it. . Personal experience and correct, eco-friendly psychological recommendations, easy explanations of everything that happens and, of course, support.

Current page: 1 (total book has 3 pages) [available reading excerpt: 1 pages]

Nika Nabokova
Confessions of a former lover. From Wrong Love to True Love

© Nabokova N., 2016

© Korenevsky M., photographs, reg. 2017

© Dmitrienko A., photography, 2017

© AST Publishing House LLC, 2017

* * *

The book helps to just think - about yourself, about relationships, about your expectations - and see the reasons for mistakes. Yours, first of all. I admit, sometimes I put the book aside with the thought “obvious things!”, “It’s already clear!”, “Nonsense!”, But then I returned again, realizing that it’s not nonsense and that we often very carefully ignore the most obvious things, close eyes on them, we try to invent and substantiate situations that are exotically banal, but unsightly for us, in order to hide behind the illusion of well-being for as long as possible, not believing, not wanting to believe. Definitely worth reading.

Olga, Moscow


I read it in one breath. A good guide for all women, it gives you the opportunity to delve into the depths of your consciousness and sort out your thoughts and experiences. What is not customary to speak out loud, the author perfectly stated on paper.

Anna, St. Petersburg


Excellent book. Easy to read, easy to understand, interesting and, most importantly, informative. Gives you the opportunity to reflect on your behavior and relationships. The author is smart, described life from all angles. The book is read in one breath. I recommend it to all girls and women. It's NEVER too late to correct mistakes, but it's better not to make them!

Love, Moscow


I really liked the style of presentation, with humor and such "life" words. Eight years ago, I ended an exhausting, exhausting relationship with my husband and his mistress. And while I was reading this book, I saw myself and this situation at every step. By the way, I made ALL the mistakes that are written about here)) And although my current relationship is radically different from the past, I think that it would be useful to remind myself from time to time that the situation can repeat itself ...

Elena

about the author

Nika Nabokova is a popular blogger whose provocative and outspoken blog reached over 300,000 visitors in its first year. Nika Nabokova is a provocative and outspoken, beautiful young woman with brains that any successful man can envy.

She herself openly declares: “Yes, I myself was a mistress in the past. And that is why I know EVERYTHING about why, because of what, for what and for what people cheat. I know how to survive in a love triangle."

Thanks

Mikhail, Masha, Sveta and Evgenia, thank you for believing in me. For letting me make a book “not like everyone else”, for supporting and encouraging me.

Giraffe, thank you for being with me all this time, holding my hand and just loving.

Katerina Alexandrova, my friend, my wonderful colleague, the person who opened me to me, thank you for this.

Lena Ershova - thanks for the support, for the knowledge, for the gorgeous legs that really stimulate you to look better :)

Nonsense, your investment in me, as you can see, was not in vain, thank you for them :)

Sasha Kireev, thanks for supporting my ideas, I appreciate and cherish :)

Alenka Pukova, you and I went through this whole story together, you are my Poo, wise, calm, beloved :)

Christina, wonderful photographer, thank you for these countless sessions, patience and love for me.

Ksyusha Politova, thank you for our dinners and for being so beautiful, bright, energetic and brave in my life.

My dear customers, thank you for your trust, for the fact that by your example you often inspire me to go further.

My readers, thank you for not being afraid to look at this world wider with me. I appreciate each of you.

My family, thank you for being you. Just keep going.

Dear, thank you for everything that was.

When I met you

My therapist asked me to tell you about how I was before I met you. She looked at me expectantly as I tried to piece the pieces of memories and emotions together. Who remembers...

The clock on the wall silently counted the minutes, and I spun a ball of feelings, sensations, hopes, fears.

At first glance, in that past life of mine, everything was generally pretty good, if we judge human happiness based on basic attributes: home, family, work, money, self-realization. I happily hooked on this and began my story, but the therapist interrupted me: “Yes, yes, all this is great, but what were you like?”

Lord, what a stubborn woman… What I was… and whether I was at all…

Of course, it seems to me that it was. Active, bright, interesting, bold, strong, self-confident.

Although… who am I kidding.

Outwardly, everything was fine, but inside I lived with endless fatigue, loneliness and a growing desire to hide from all this somewhere in a small house at the end of the world. Strong girls need care no less than cute princesses in marshmallow dresses. And it is very important for them that their right to weakness is recognized and accepted.

We did not have love at first sight and all these passions from the series: I saw him - and understood. I just really wanted to warm up already, and next to him it was warm. And time after time, from call to call, from meeting to meeting, I opened up more and more. Sometimes I even physically felt how the layers of ice inside cracked and crumbled into fragments, exposing my essence.

The world suddenly began to take on colors and bizarre shapes. What used to be just a gray, fussy mass, has turned into quite specific objects, desires, emotions. I even tasted and smelled differently. It turned out that every day has its own, interesting face. That I consist not only of tasks, goals, responsibilities, but of something very thin, light, translucent and almost airy.

* * *

I really enjoyed falling in love with you. Gradually fall into this viscous, cloudy bliss, splash in it, exposing your cheeks to the sun. I was bursting with the desire to share this with everyone, to endlessly talk, talk, talk ... only about you, about us ... for the hundredth time, scroll through the events in my head, analyze, fantasize.

The energy was overflowing so much that it was impossible to sit still. And I, who used to lead a rather ascetic lifestyle, suddenly began to actively meet and communicate with everyone. At some moments, it really seemed that I could take over the world, and so, jokingly, with one left.

There were more and more of you and us. And it was already impossible to break away, it got to the point that we started to get bored, just being in different rooms. Diving into each other, we revealed the most hidden corners of thoughts and feelings. A sort of sophisticated love psychoanalysis. And when it seemed that there was simply nowhere else to go, all the limits were exceeded, we managed to find a way to get even closer.

* * *

The psychotherapist closed her notebook, looked up and, drawing out her words a little, asked: “What appeared in your life when he came?”

* * *

Outside the window of her office there was heavy snow, the same as in our first winter with you.

I took a deep breath, like a swimmer before a jump, and as I exhaled, I said:

"I. I showed up."

Does love make us?

There is such a common misconception: only next to this person do I become someone. Like, he came, such a magician, waved his wand (something turns out to be vulgar) - and suddenly talents, strengths woke up in me, and in general life began.

The other side of this snag: my miraculous love will make a person out of him. These two stories go hand in hand for the most part. That is: if it seems to you that someone made something out of you, then with a high degree of probability you will fit into the production of homo sapiens from another and vice versa.

Where does it come from? From a lost, well, or not found connection with oneself. When we are not confident enough in ourselves, our strengths, in our world as a whole, it is easier for us to attribute some changes, victories, discoveries to another. This is true for both women and men, by the way.

From childhood we are convinced that in order to believe in ourselves, some kind of confirmation from the outside is necessary. All our upbringing is based on the principle: something needs to be done in order to be praised, appreciated, or even worse, loved. Wonderful parents broadcast messages through one: I have invested so much in you, you now owe me, if you are successful, I am proud and love you. None of us were taught, they were not explained to anyone how it is to feel supported in oneself, to understand that you are cool even on a desert island, without endless “sweets” as confirmation of our own importance.

Having matured, we enter into an eternal race for this sweet sense of significance, as if necessary for survival, and along the beaten path we are looking for it in another: “Someone very significant for me will come - and I will immediately, immediately become better, more beautiful, more active, more successful ".

How many times have I heard from girls: “Now, if I had a man, then I would ...” And then a list of items that you can do yourself. Try it, by the way.

Right now, take a sheet of paper and a pen, sit down and make a list of opportunities, things to do, attitudes towards yourself, the appearance of which, in your opinion, depends on the presence of a significant person. Made up? What's in it? Lose weight? Switch to proper nutrition? Learn to sew? Jump with a parachute? Go around the world? Give a birth to a baby? Yes, you can’t do the latter without “HIM”, but everything else is easy to implement right now, regardless of the relationship or its quality.

First, it is impossible to discover in a person what he does not have. People don't become successful businessmen, writers, artists, musicians and the list goes on just because they met their love. Their talents and abilities exist regardless of the presence or absence of relationships.

I had one girl friend who, in all seriousness, said that she owed her creative take-off to a young man who was “well, so lively, direct and wonderful,” that next to him she felt capable of SUCH! and started creating. The fact that for one day of joy in their romance there were 30 days of hopeless sadness, limbo, constant omissions and completely ignored needs, she tactfully “forgot”. As well as the fact that after parting, her affairs went uphill, and did not slide into a ditch.

Secondly, in principle, we see and distinguish something in people only if it is in ourselves. Watch, and you will understand that the traits that irritate us most of all are those with which we ourselves sin. In this way, by the way, you can learn a lot about yourself. Equivalent scheme and with positive things. What we admire, envy and reach for, to one degree or another lives in ourselves. Dormant, not revealed consciously or unconsciously. Remember, after all, you actually tell almost the same things about each of your loves. For example, I always had inspiration, the ability to achieve, the desire and strength to conquer new heights, the feeling of being beautiful, wonderful, special. Imagine my surprise when, after starting an affair with myself, I found all the same sensations.

Thirdly, we still have wild social stereotypes on the theme of “strong and independent”. According to them, if you are able to do something more with your own hands than scrambled eggs and borsch lyubimke, then that’s it, write it down: doomed to oppressive loneliness and company in the form of cats (compared to some men, this is not the worst option, by the way). I regularly meet girls who are simply afraid to represent themselves, because “what if I don’t need anyone then”, “what if I feel so good alone that I can’t love anyone?”. For some reason, independence and the feeling of being a person, regardless of the presence of a novel, we have compared with outright sociopathy.

See what's going on. If a person basically has the ability to love (and everyone has it, except for those few percent who suffer from the aforementioned disorder), then it will not go anywhere. Yes, relationship needs may rise. So this is good, there are fewer risks to contact an outright asshole.

* * *

Love, my friends, really gives us a lot of nice bonuses. Emotions, excitement, aggravated sensations, desires. She has many properties, except for the ability to change people. Love does not make us, but we make our love. Beautiful or painful, creative or destructive, inspiring or dependent. After all, if everyone with its help turned into wonderful creatures, then the world would really be inhabited by unicorns and would be a picture from fairy tales about magical countries. And we are still observing exactly the opposite, although there is a lot of love around.

I have a hangover from you

I have a hangover from you. And outside the window some abomination. The day turns into a viscous mass. And I want to immediately “drink” you again, but I understand that it’s impossible. There will be drinking. Then I'll have to painfully lie under droppers, or, not even the hour, I'll catch delirium tremens. Everything will begin to seem: they say, you look at me somehow especially, or hint at something more, or, even worse, we have love, destiny and destiny to be together.

I walk around the phone, like a real alcoholic around an open bottle, and train my willpower. And, as luck would have it, there are a lot of reasons to “sip” you. Learn something, tell something, ask something. But I'm holding on Hangovers need to be overcome.

Wikipedia says that the abstinence syndrome passes, and hands will soon stop shaking, and the next night will already pass easier, without throwing up from sleep in an effort to do something immediately. But while I'm looking for the fifth corner in my apartment and trying to cope with the desire to splash a little more tart, burning, reviving you into a glass. It is forbidden. It's fraught.

It's impossible to stop thinking about you. Yes, I don't even try anymore. Hundreds of small bubbles seem to have settled in my head, tickling and bursting. You can do nothing for hours, but only watch how they move around there. What am I doing.

gurgle... gurgle... gurgle...

Classic withdrawal syndrome, and even naturally nauseous. I try to be treated by other people, things, but all these “aspirins” and “freshly squeezed juices” are like a dead poultice, or even worse. I'll have to worry, swearing to myself never to drink again.

I will keep this word until the next meeting. Until your mocking look, awkward message, or, even worse, an awkward kiss almost on the lips. And then again - in one gulp, in big sips, to the bottom, to a painful hangover.

Superstrong feelings - a blessing or a danger?

You and I are told a lot about what true love should be. Interestingly, often these "portraits" contradict each other, and go and figure out if it is or not. I believe that love is different for every person. And it depends on how whole, collected or, conversely, damaged we are.

Love is danger

There are people for whom super-strong feelings for another are a sign of serious danger. The fashionable word today is "neurosis", to which it is customary to attribute all troubles. Let's figure out what that very, dangerous, destructive love looks like. By the way, I myself was an adherent of neurotic attachments in the past, so I know the process not only in theory.

Everything is on fire

Our love is a very intense experience on which we are addicted. First a waterfall, then a whirlpool, and away we go. Hands and feet are shaking, adrenaline is going through the roof, appetite and sleep disappear, but at the same time we remain cheerful, full of strength and energy for accomplishments.

Therefore, every time you feel that your experience regarding the hero of the novel is simply unbelievable and the brain turns off, this is a wake-up call that the rational part is cut off and the neurosis turns on.

At this point, it is better to stop and separate the flies from the cutlets. Look at the object, determine which features in it are real and which are not, and assess the situation from a reasonable point of view: what covers it, why it covers it, where we run, what we hide from.

Important point! This point is not a defining feature of neurosis. For love causes strong feelings in everyone without exception. Therefore, if you do not pass the rest of the signs, exhale - everything is fine. But if you are dependent on these emotions, if love for you looks like this and nothing else, you may find yourself in other points.

love = suffer

Love is always a mixture of very diverse feelings. Because one part of us is splashing in the pink, warm waters of bright and wonderful emotions, and the second is afraid that a tsunami is about to come, and gives all sorts of signs such as slight sadness, fears, and so on. We are complex, we have many different needs and desires, and sometimes they come into confrontation. That's why there is nothing terrible in the state of “simultaneously joyful and for some reason sad.”

But for a neurotic, falling in love brings misfortune. On the one hand, we really need it, we want it, we are looking for it, we are dying in breaking. On the other hand, when she comes, we naturally begin to run along the ceiling. What joy, harmony, quiet happiness is there - relief becomes the central positive feeling.

Called - thank God, I can breathe,

We met - excellent, the appetite returned and it seems the world has stopped swinging,

He admitted that he loves - happiness, I will live a little longer.

You can help yourself by facing fears and worries in the face. Straight and attentive. Why do you feel "not so good"? What exactly does this “not very” look like, and what is behind it? Is it fear? Fear of what? What is this fear? How can you calm him down yourself (and you definitely can, because, as a rule, he is exclusively yours and is not connected with a real object)? Ask yourself these questions and listen to the answers.

All options about "if only he" sweep away. You are only interested in those about you.

What are you thinking about?

The need to get into the head of a loved one and dig deep there is a hallmark of neurotic bunnies. At the same time, all that is of interest is how he treats us. What kind of person he is, what he lives with, what he loves - all this is dust, nonsense, and we need it only in order to get additional levers of control and influence. Therefore, such sincere, at first glance, concern and interest are in fact only a collection of data important for enslavement.

A neurotic needs a person to fulfill his function - to plug his mental black holes. And what he is like there is the tenth thing.

Try to look at the object of your passion with different eyes. Are you really interested in what he reads, what fascinates him? Why do you need this information? If you are looking for benefits (of course, I mean the sensual sphere) for yourself, then slow down, get stuck in an unhealthy story.

I blinded him from what was

Neurotic love is mostly made up of illusions. Counseling girls tell me they love their cheating man for his honesty and strength of character. The young ladies who were sent to have an abortion admire what a wonderful father their chosen one is, and so on. Since we do not look at a real object (in order to understand people, we must first understand ourselves), there is only one way out - to endow the chosen one with invented features. Therefore, when inconsistencies begin between a tangible man and his image in the head, suffering and worries happen. How could he, and so on.

If you know you're prone to neurotic love, ground yourself with facts. Always compare the image in your head with a real person, based on events and actions.

Unsaturation

It is impossible to satisfy the neurotic need for love: when she receives one, she literally immediately begins to ask for more. More, more, more. Because it's a black hole. Previously, you saw each other once a week, but you needed to meet every day, began to meet daily - there was an urgent need to live together, moved in together - we need new evidence, let's go get married, got married - urgently give birth and so on ad infinitum. In a healthy version, all these stages are also present, only they are calm and painless. The neurotic, on the other hand, goes crazy if he does not receive constant evidence of love for himself, and immediately denies the feelings of the other. If he doesn’t marry, then he doesn’t love, he gave three roses instead of ten - he doesn’t love.

The trick is that no one can give you the love you need. Even if he sits next to you forever, starts thinking only about you and doing everything according to the script, it will not be enough for you.

Try to determine why you need all the new evidence of affection and love? What part of you requires them? Why do they need her? Can you give her what she asks for? For example, promise that you will never leave. Or tell her how much you love her. You can even imagine hugging.

Control, control, control

Painful, sometimes to the point of breaking, the need to control everything is an eternal companion of neurosis. In especially severe cases, it leads to phobias, in the lungs - to climbing social networks in order to track the likes of the sun-faced. By the way, I think that excellent investigators will come out of neurotics, and the detection rate will grow to 100 percent.

Of course, in relationships, this craving for “investigations” flourishes. And how else can you make sure that no one is going to leave you, except with total control? And so the story begins with maximum penetration into the life of the chosen one. Joint affairs, help in everything and always, constant surveillance.

Every time you catch yourself infringing on someone else's personal space, ask yourself the question: do I need this for what? Do I want it myself? And give up that which has nothing to do with desires for your own sake.

Parting is a small death

As a rule, a neurotic cannot be alone. Literally physically begins to die if faced with loneliness. Therefore, the moment of parting is really like death. It seems that everything. Panic fear, hysteria, attempts to somehow keep the outgoing person.

Experiences, frankly, so-so. And after parting, if a substitute object is not quickly found, the neurotic falls into illusory love and continues to communicate with the person who left him on the mental level. Which, of course, on the one hand, is very painful, sometimes completely unbearable. On the other hand, it is very necessary, because without a relationship, well, nothing at all.

An affair with an unfree (or cheating) person is a paradise for a neurotic: you can bathe in all these incredible emotions for as long as you like. Constant experiences, an aura of mystery, an inexhaustible source of reasons for distraction from oneself. Just a holiday.

People really sit on this needle for years, justifying themselves in every possible way: love, children, common affairs, financial dependence. But in fact, the reason is simple: I want super-strong emotions, but I don’t know how to do it any other way.

Attention! This is an introductory section of the book.

If you liked the beginning of the book, then the full version can be purchased from our partner - the distributor of legal content LLC "LitRes".

_________________________________GOOD AFTERNOON______________________________

This is the second book I've read from the infamous author on Instagram. Niki Nabokova . First "In bed with your husband" left a very positive impression, and I was looking forward to the second book from Nicky, in which she promised to speak frankly about her affair with a married man, and tell how to get herself out of a sick relationship.

As statistics show, a lot of women, not only in our country, but also in the world, fit into romances with married men, some out of youth, some out of stupidity, some out of hopelessness, some out of childhood psychological trauma. , but the result is the same - the girls suffer, endure lies, “swing” from their wife and back, and don’t know how to get themselves out of this “love swamp”, everything seems to be clear with this prince, but for some reason it’s very hard to leave, but sometimes impossible.

I don’t want to speak for everyone, BUT it seems to me that each of us at one time or another was in a painful relationship with a man (not necessarily married), but apart from pain, these relationships brought nothing. God spared me from a relationship with a married man, BUT I had "sick" relationships that notably frayed my nerves and spoiled my psyche, and I crawled out of them oh for how long, not a year, or even two, therefore, while reading this book, I saw myself, their thoughts and their behaviour.

general information

I bought a book for OZONE e, on pre-order, it cost 357r. , part I paid with bonuses Thank you from Sberbank, and it cost me only 78r . Picked up for free at the pickup point.

The book is very well made, was wrapped in a sealed film, hardcover and with high-quality paper.

What is this book about?

When life presents us with a “surprise” in the form of painful, unbearable, confusing situations, we fall into a stupor. And then we have a choice: complain and suffer, or turn everything that happens in our favor. The story that Nika Nabokova shares with readers is about the second option. This book is a simple, accessible, understandable story about how to find strength in yourself, how to start “raising your head”, how to direct your suffering in the right direction, how to take care of your morale, find yourself, piece it together and make a name for it. . Personal experience and correct, eco-friendly psychological recommendations, easy explanations of everything that happens and, of course, support.

Characteristic:

My impressions of the book

Nika feels the human essence very subtly, probably because she herself went through what she writes about.

The book is divided into chapters, from the beginning of acquaintance to parting. The chapters are also divided into subsections. At the beginning, there is a lyrical story from Nika about her feelings and relationships with her man, and then, from the side of psychology, she explains what is happening to us and what we should do.

The book has a rating 18+, because Nika sometimes uses strong words, and I understand her, sometimes in order to bring a person (reader) to his senses, you need to shake him up and firmly say that it's time to pull yourself together.

Nika tells us about neurotic love, co-dependent relationships, plugging mental holes by another person, and other attributes of "wrong" love. In fact, we all know that you need to be a whole person, develop, learn something new, not get hung up on relationships, understand and love YOURSELF, find your way in the world, but not everyone manages to put all this into practice, the book can to be that push or kick that would already pull yourself together and pull yourself out of the swamp of relationships that bring pain.

And this applies not only to girl lovers, but also to any other women who have fallen into the clutches of weak, selfish men who cannot and do not want to solve problems, and instead seek "consolation" on the side.

No, she does not say that "all men are goats", and she does not speak badly about her married man, she is even grateful to him for the experience and for the opportunity to know herself. The result is still sad - they broke up. But she got much more than if they had stayed together, paradoxically. The message is simple - people should not look for excuses if they do something (good or bad), they do it because they want to do it.

The book is written in a very simple and accessible language, you will not find any abstruse and complex psychological terms, everything is extremely simple.

Although I am not in a sick relationship, thank God, but after reading there was some kind of surge of strength, I wanted to do what I have been putting off for a long time, go to the pool, to the museum. The book is a great motivator. And her main message, I think it’s all like this: “No one but ourselves will help us, we are the smiths of our own happiness,” but if everything is really bad and you are covered with depression from which you don’t want to live, then don’t hesitate to contact a psychotherapist, I’m in At one time I also visited this doctor and she opened my eyes to many things.

Thank you for your review, Anya

============================================================================

Nika Nabokova

Confessions of a former lover. From Wrong Love to True Love

The book helps to just think - about yourself, about relationships, about your expectations - and see the reasons for mistakes. Yours, first of all. I admit, sometimes I put the book aside with the thought “obvious things!”, “It’s already clear!”, “Nonsense!”, But then I returned again, realizing that it’s not nonsense and that we often very carefully ignore the most obvious things, close eyes on them, we try to invent and substantiate situations that are exotically banal, but unsightly for us, in order to hide behind the illusion of well-being for as long as possible, not believing, not wanting to believe. Definitely worth reading.

Olga, Moscow


I read it in one breath. A good guide for all women, it gives you the opportunity to delve into the depths of your consciousness and sort out your thoughts and experiences. What is not customary to speak out loud, the author perfectly stated on paper.

Anna, St. Petersburg


Excellent book. Easy to read, easy to understand, interesting and, most importantly, informative. Gives you the opportunity to reflect on your behavior and relationships. The author is smart, described life from all angles. The book is read in one breath. I recommend it to all girls and women. It's NEVER too late to correct mistakes, but it's better not to make them!

Love, Moscow


I really liked the style of presentation, with humor and such "life" words. Eight years ago, I ended an exhausting, exhausting relationship with my husband and his mistress. And while I was reading this book, I saw myself and this situation at every step. By the way, I made ALL the mistakes that are written about here)) And although my current relationship is radically different from the past, I think that it would be useful to remind myself from time to time that the situation can repeat itself ...

Nika Nabokova is a popular blogger whose provocative and outspoken blog reached over 300,000 visitors in its first year. Nika Nabokova is a provocative and outspoken, beautiful young woman with brains that any successful man can envy.

She herself openly declares: “Yes, I myself was a mistress in the past. And that is why I know EVERYTHING about why, because of what, for what and for what people cheat. I know how to survive in a love triangle."

Thanks

Mikhail, Masha, Sveta and Evgenia, thank you for believing in me. For letting me make a book “not like everyone else”, for supporting and encouraging me.

Giraffe, thank you for being with me all this time, holding my hand and just loving.

Katerina Alexandrova, my friend, my wonderful colleague, the person who opened me to me, thank you for this.

Lena Ershova - thanks for the support, for the knowledge, for the gorgeous legs that really stimulate you to look better :)

Nonsense, your investment in me, as you can see, was not in vain, thank you for them :)

Sasha Kireev, thanks for supporting my ideas, I appreciate and cherish :)

Alenka Pukova, you and I went through this whole story together, you are my Poo, wise, calm, beloved :)

Christina, wonderful photographer, thank you for these countless sessions, patience and love for me.

Ksyusha Politova, thank you for our dinners and for being so beautiful, bright, energetic and brave in my life.

My dear customers, thank you for your trust, for the fact that by your example you often inspire me to go further.

My readers, thank you for not being afraid to look at this world wider with me. I appreciate each of you.

My family, thank you for being you. Just keep going.