How children should help their parents. Children help their parents. Child's household duties. Express your attitude to what and how the child does

We all live in a state of debt. We owe the state, children, work, friends and, most of all, parents. At least, the latter in our country are sure of this. They brought us into the world, raised us, taught us, giving us the last. It turns out that the life of each of us is a long-term loan, which must be repaid upon reaching a certain material condition, psychological stability, and some awareness.

However, many here will be indignant: debt is far from always justified. Unfortunately, not in all families, parents became a reliable rear and stronghold of love for their children, rather the opposite. And the children, reaching adulthood, hurried to leave the parental home, fleeing pressure, humiliation, insults. By the way, in most cases, it is precisely these parents, whose attention to their children was limited to the principle of "gave birth - fed - dressed" (in the best case scenario), require their children to repay a certain debt. Often this turns into manipulation and a game of guilt: "We raised you, and you?" Which often makes the life of an adult child unbearable.

On the contrary, those who really raised the child, engaged in its development, education, supported, tried to understand and even sometimes understood, perceive their grown-up son or daughter as a full-fledged person, without demanding anything in return, experiencing moral satisfaction from the fact that they raised a worthy person. And it is in such families that a child voluntarily has a desire to repay a debt: to take care of elderly parents, help them fulfill their dreams, support them financially and morally. And this happens quite naturally, without reminders from the outside.

The concept of the duty of children to their parents in our country also exists because older people rarely have to rely on outside help, only children become the only lifeline. What has been happening with pensions in recent years can hardly be called a road to a happy old age. The current generation is completelyhealthy 30-year-olds with a white salary cannot imagine what will happen when they turn 60. What kind of pension awaits them? Does it make sense to think about it at all, or is it necessary to rely only on one's own strength and give birth to children who will not only bring a glass of water, but also help to survive?

Retirement - time for rest and travel

In the European Union, retirement is a well-deserved rest. Thanks to the level of pension subsidies, older people get the opportunity to travel the world, relax at sea and generally enjoy life. They do not have a question of survival with a minimum pension of 500 euros per month, so the children in this sense do not owe them anything. If only attention and love, but this, as we know, is a voluntary matter and clearly depends on how worthy parents they were. And what is most surprising is that European pensioners do not demand anything from their children.In the United States, it is generally customary to “kick out” a child from home upon reaching the age of majority. Parents can pay for college or university education, and then, please, yourself.

By the way, it is only in Russia that the practice of giving your children to grandparents is so widespread in order to work quietly. For example, in Italy, elderly parents can visit their grandchild once a month, bringing a gift or giving money for a toy, but for the most part, those who want to sit with their child all day long do not line up. And this is normal, for them a pension is a long-awaited vacation, and looking after a child is a rather difficult job, and unpaid at that.

Happy without a pension

In the issue of children's debt to parents, the mentality also plays a role. In Asian countries, old age is deeply respected. At the same time, only 55% of the population in China can count on a pension (and even then only recently). What should the remaining 45% of disabled old people do? That's right - to wait for help from the younger generation. And the latter justifies these expectations. There on holidays the streets are full wheelchairs with elderly grandparents. They are never left at home if the family decides to take a walk.

In the same Thailand and Hong Kong, there is no pension system at all as such. PTherefore, there are large families - the norm. After all, the more children parents raise, the more likely it is that they will not die of hunger and disease in old age.

Lonely old people have to come up with ways to survive. So, on the streets of Hong Kong you can meet discharged pensioners who sing or dance, thereby earning money for their living.

boomerang effect

Of course, in Russia one day you cannot instill in young people an inner sense of duty to their parents. And here the only way out is the boomerang effect.Have you raised your children in such a way that they have a desire to support you in old age? Did you give them your parental debt at one time in order to count on its return in the future? Another paradox is that parents owe their children the first 18-20 years of their lives. And the rest of the child's life - he owes his parents. It turns outthe word "should" is more of a pressure and manipulation. And family relations should be built on mutual respect, love, support and other voluntary feelings. With this approach, the problems of the pension fund will not bother. The main thing is to know that your family is your main parachute, not a reserve one.

For some reason, it is believed that people after fifty life ends. That they no longer need anything for themselves, so you can give everything to the children. I don't think so. On the contrary, when the children have grown up, it's time to live for yourself. You have been hunchbacked at children all your life, now let them take care of themselves. I myself have two children. As soon as they graduated from the institute, I stopped helping them. Of course, they periodically visit me asking for money, but I basically do not give. Why? I don't need money either. I'd rather go somewhere with my wife or buy a new TV, or something else. And so I did a lot for my children. All my life I fed them, gave them education. Now I think that my parental duty is fulfilled and I can finally live for my own pleasure.

Lyudmila, 33 years old, administrator

I am just the same child who was helped by his parents all the way. And I am very grateful to them for this. I just couldn't have done it without them! They helped me with housing and got me a job. Now they sit with my daughter while I earn money. I don’t know, maybe someone will say that I’m spoiled, that I’m sitting on their neck. But it seems to me that it is right when people in the family help each other. Today I need them - and they came to my aid. Tomorrow I will start helping them if needed. This is good! They helped me with a job, now both parents are retired, and I help them with money. In my opinion, this is the height of indifference - to do nothing if your loved one needs support, including material support. Nothing can justify this. After all, now I am already a completely independent woman, and I could say that parents should rely only on their pension. But I love them, and they love me, so we simply have to help each other.

Tatyana, 43 years old, economist

No matter how caring the parents are, sooner or later their child will have to solve their problems on their own. And you need to prepare your son or daughter for this. Parents should give the child the necessary skills in making money, teach him to endure life's troubles, make him independent. And if you constantly help, pay for any whim and intervene at the slightest problem, your child will not learn anything. And then you have to fill a lot of bumps before you become a truly adult. It is better if these bumps are stuffed in youth, when the same parents come to the rescue in a pinch. That is why I try to raise my children as independent as possible. My son has been working part-time since the age of 15, my daughter also studies and works. I haven't given them pocket money for a long time. My friends tell me that it is cruel that I deprive them of their childhood. But I feel like I'm doing the right thing. By the time their peers are just starting to take their first independent steps, my children have already achieved a lot.

Nina 48 years old, manager

In our country, helping children is not a whim of overly loving parents, but an urgent need. We simply do not have the opportunity immediately after graduation to get a normal job with a normal salary. Well, nobody needs yesterday's university graduates! Everywhere specialists with work experience are required, but where can a yesterday's student gain this experience? So it turns out that first you need to work for a penny, and only then look for a good place. But youth is the most active time in a person's life. It is at a young age that people start families, give birth to children. In no case should you refuse this - time will be lost, and a person will forever remain lonely and unhappy. So without the help of parents, unfortunately, can not do. And we should not assume that our children are incapable lazy people who cannot succeed in life without parental support. It's not about the kids, it's about the system! My daughter entered the university this year. She is a talented and hardworking girl, but how can she live without my financial support? She is a full-time student, so she cannot get a full-time job. She works part-time, but receives very little for it. A scholarship is generally ridiculous money. Of course I help. I am not an enemy to my child and I cannot allow my daughter to stop studying.

Oleg, 54 years old, driver

For some reason, we are used to the fact that “all the best is for children,” so parents go out of their way to feed their overgrown blockheads. And then they wonder why their child grows up to be an egoist. But there is nothing surprising in this. If a person is used to the fact that everyone owes him everything in life, why will he suddenly start thinking about others? He was also taught from childhood that he is the navel of the earth, that everyone cares only about his well-being. How many of these I have seen - do not count. Healthy men do not work, they sit on the neck of retired parents who no longer have any money or health. At the same time, the "child" believes that it is necessary! After all, parents are given for that, to feed him all his life. Such people do not even think that elderly mom and dad need help. What for? They have the same main thing in life - to provide comfort to their offspring. Not so long ago I drove two adult girls and accidentally overheard their conversation. Discussed where to get money for the holidays. So, one of them quite seriously assured the other that the parents are simply obliged to pay for the trip. The argument was ironclad: “And what should they spend on, if not on us?” This young lady did not even have a thought that her parents might have some desires of their own. They also need to rest from time to time. I am a thousand percent sure that when this girl's parents can no longer help her, she will immediately forget about their existence. Once the source of income has dried up, then there is no need to think about these people.

Sergey, 50 years old, entrepreneur

Of course, you need to help if the child needs this help. This is necessary not only for an adult son or daughter, but also for parents. Well, how can a normal person calmly watch how his child lives from hand to mouth, how his grandchildren are forced to grow up without diapers, good baby food or toys! It's possible to go crazy! Personally, I love my children and want to protect them as much as possible from everyday troubles. I don't see anything wrong with that! I bought apartments for my daughter and son. Just because I have the opportunity. I don't see any reason why I should let them roam the removable corners. My kids won't get better from starving or living in a hut. They are not spoiled at all, they are decent and responsible people. And I don’t understand how, for example, having your own living space can affect this. And why do I need money? Am I taking them to the grave with me? I am pleased that my savings will help my children. In the end, it is for them and for the sake of my grandchildren that I work. I myself do not need much - if I had a place to live, I would have something to eat. And my funds will be very useful to them. And it pleases me. I want my grandchildren and great-grandchildren to live in our country house. I would like them to say someday, but we got this house from our great-grandfather!

Who invented the obligation to help parents? With what joy do children, for example, have to postpone their personal vacation on the weekends in order to go help their parents with repairs or even dig potatoes in the country? It's even more surprising when your father needs help fixing the car, and you have a vacation on your nose. And how do you like the promises of society in the style of "my father travels by minibuses with transfers, but he rolls his ass in a Porsche and cannot at least buy Kalina for his father"? I wonder if such speakers understand that if the father cannot afford to buy a car, then how will he fill the same fret viburnum?

There is a common phrase that parents repay their debts to their children. That is, their parents invested their time, resources and just care in them, and we, accordingly, will give it all to our children (in this place, the childless laugh maliciously, because they can live only for themselves without having to repay these same debts) . But children are children, of course, but what do parents have to do with it?

When you live with your parents, you help them around the house, take out the trash, bring something into this house: this is inevitable, because at that moment your common house is your common comfort zone, but what a joy it is to carry something there after that How do you no longer live together? This is no longer your home, where do our people get such worshipful manners and affection? Who even came up with this elevation in the phrase "father's house"? This is simply a designation for NOT your home, where you temporarily lived until you found your home.

Everyone has their own path in life. Yes, parents had to work hard and hard to "feed, clothe, shoe, educate." But they repay us debts to their parents. And if their parents (our grandparents) gave them such an insignificant bad education that they struggle all their lives to earn three kopecks, then who is to blame? What does it have to do with you and your personal Mercedes or BMW?

It turns out a situation where children owe both their parents (this debt is imposed) and their children (this debt is fair). Is it fair? Personally, I think that parents themselves should think about their future, including old age, and not impose their "sacredness" on their children! Earned a pension of 3 rubles? Your problems. Yes, neither children nor the state will let you die of hunger, but don’t count on more! Were you able to provide for yourself at working age? Well done! All developed countries are built on this.

No one in the US will say that my children don't give me money or help me with treatment, no one! There is insurance, there are special government assistance programs. Everything is fair: you have been paying the state all your life, it is obliged to help you, and this is also not something strange or sudden! And only in Russia can parents spend their money left and right in their youth, and then in their old age complain that their children do not take care of them as much as they would like.

You need to take care of yourself! First you need to ensure a high profitability of your life activity. Can you just turn screws? Ok, you'll have a job, but don't worry that you've spent your whole life working to feed the kids. Got an education, created a business. Then he really repaid his debts to his children (fed, clothed, shod, education). Everything - debts are distributed. Then fill your life with emotions: travel, buy what you deserve (ferrari, bentley, castle system, whatever you want). But do not forget that no one will owe you anything in old age. Nobody and nothing. If you live in the States, then the state (your taxes work out), if you live in Russia or Ukraine, or in Moldova with Belarus, then forget it at all. Take your savings and live for yourself, creating what fruits your life's deeds give. If you want - buy an apartment for your children - help your grandchildren (after all, children, logically, will be obliged to buy an apartment for their children), if you don't want, go around the world like Japanese pensioners.

What do you think about the concept of "debt to parents"? Do you help your parents financially? Do you go to the country to dig potatoes to the detriment of your legal day off? Do you spend your personal money on parenting needs? And most importantly, how do you prepare for old age now, when you only go to clubs and it’s nice to talk with girls?