How to start a life together. How to start a life together with a man
It’s worth sorting out all your belongings before moving into a shared apartment, where, perhaps. Clean up and decide what things really matter to you. Leave room for new things that you will acquire with the love of your life.
Divide things into four categories:
- Save.
- Sell.
- Give.
- Throw it away.
Save clothes you've worn in the past year and necessary furnishings that you don't plan to buy any time soon. Sell something that has value, but has become unnecessary or simply boring for you. Donate clothes and shoes that you haven’t worn for a long time, books and anything else that isn’t worth the effort it would take to find a buyer. Throw everything else in the trash.
Don't forget to get your loved one's opinion before you get rid of something.
2. Don't turn a blind eye to flaws.
These can be minor or very serious problems. may become an obvious reason for a breakup. But drug abuse may go undetected until you are in the same area. It's a matter of how well you know each other.
In some cases, a few conversations are enough to answer questions such as:
- Can you shower together or do you prefer to be alone while caring for yourself?
- How will your work schedules overlap?
- Who will be responsible for the bills?
It also happens that your other half already has one. Then you must decide whether you are ready to become a part of his life.
Or maybe we are talking about your weak points. In this case, do not become defensive. Try to look at yourself from the other side and decide what concessions and changes in yourself you are willing to make.
But don’t expect that everything will resolve itself in a new place.
3. Don’t expect that you won’t have to deal with finances.
It is likely that the one who is better at handling his own will take care of the general accounts. If your loved one is, set up an automatic transfer to your account of at least the part that will go towards paying for housing, covering a loan, or for future joint purchases.
Don't worry about becoming a babysitter. Think of it as an investment of your time and knowledge to avoid future conflicts.
4. Don't leave all the housework to just one person.
Many couples make this mistake. As a rule, the mountain of dishes is washed by the one who first feels sick at the sight of it. It's unfair, but it's very easy to get stuck in these types of unbalanced life scenarios. Before moving in together, discuss equality in the field.
- Who takes out the trash?
- Who washes the dishes? (Often this is the one who does not cook. But perhaps it is easier for someone to take over the kitchen completely, and for another to take over the room and toilet.)
- Who fixes a closet when it starts to squeak?
minervastock/Depositphotos.com All of these tasks have nothing to do with what gender you are or who makes more money. It is better if this is done by someone who is less difficult.
As a last resort, if none of you wants to do this, you can order cleaning services, adding this expense item to the overall budget, and never fight over dust.
5. Don't act like you're married.
This is a serious mistake. Many people view cohabitation as the first step towards marriage. For many this is true. Couples living in the same territory have a great opportunity to test each other’s willingness to compromise, generosity, emotional, and financial compatibility at the everyday level. All this is priceless.
But just because you started living in the same area does not mean that you will definitely get married!
Avoid becoming unhealthy dependent on each other. Your things do not belong to your loved one, and their things are not your property. When making decisions, you are not always obliged to take into account the interests of your partner. You can try to make this relationship work, but you can always break it off if it doesn’t suit you. This is the meaning of your life together, isn’t it?
When the relationship is at the candy-bouquet stage, it seems that nothing better can happen to you: the man carries you in his arms, gives you flowers, showers you with compliments and admires your beautiful eyes. And the only thing I want even more than just seeing him on dates in the evenings is to be next to him all the time, to wake up and fall asleep in the same bed, to cook lunch and drink tea in the same kitchen, to hang clothes in a common closet and be happy that that now you are almost family. However, life together is not always so rosy, and our ideas often differ from reality. Especially if we make serious mistakes one after another and break what we have not yet managed to build.
If it seems to you that living together means simply moving things into his apartment and then enjoying your morning coffee in bed, then most likely you have never had to take such a responsible step. When you meet on neutral territory, but each spend the night in your own apartment, it is very easy and simple to create the appearance of who you want to be in the eyes of your lover. With him, you are beautiful, charismatic, well-groomed, athletic, a real girl-lighter, and an hour before this at home, you wash your hair in a hurry, pick out an outfit, scattering all your things around the room, clean your ears and forget to throw the used cotton swabs in the trash. As soon as the moment comes for your reunion in a common living space, the man will have to see everything that has been so carefully hidden from his eyes for a long time, and you should take care that he does not lose interest in you. In general, you probably already understand that starting a life together is a very important step for all couples, and you need to take it seriously.
It is not without reason that they say that true relationships must withstand two tests: distance and common everyday life. So, before you put the last blouse in your suitcase, take the time to read about what mistakes you should never make, so that you don’t come back with the same suitcase in a month.
A la naturel
Of course, you should not jump out of bed at the crack of dawn, so that while he is sleeping, apply “war paint” and appear fully armed before your lover - after a couple of weeks of this regime, you risk collapsing from lack of sleep. However, it’s also not worth accustoming a man to the fact that now you will always walk around the house without makeup. Firstly, he did not fall in love with a fighter for naturalness in a bathrobe, and, most likely, you prepared for dates to the maximum: mascara, eye shadow, lipstick, and also a beautiful dress and high-heeled shoes. And, secondly, when you tell your lover that you don’t need makeup at home, but when going somewhere you put on makeup like you’re going to a beauty contest, you really offend him. The man understands: she wants to be attractive to others, but not to me. Therefore, try to take care of your appearance, even if today is Sunday and you don’t plan to go out anywhere. Don't relax.
Under control
For some reason, many women believe that living together with a man gives them some powers and now they have access to what was previously prohibited. A favorite way to put a “hood” on a man is to constantly check his pages on social networks, read SMS and incoming mail, and also monitor all his calls. Sometimes it reaches the point of absurdity, and women demand an account of every step: where he was, who he spoke to, what he saw, what he ate, whether he blew his nose into a handkerchief, etc. Agree, you would not tolerate such an attitude towards yourself, so why should he? Plus, such behavior is similar to maternal care, and your man already has one mother, there is no need to turn into a second one.
Agree, you would not tolerate such an attitude towards yourself, so why should he?
Prohibited
Feeling that they now have much more rights to their man than before, women go into a rage: in addition to total control, they also turn on the “ban” mode. From now on, very, very many things are prohibited: Saturday trips with friends to the bathhouse (“What if you bring women there?”), watching matches together in sports bars (“There are a lot of women around who want to fool you”), as well as playing football themselves or volleyball on the weekend (“You probably don’t play at all, but you walk around women”). Some “almost spouses” become obsessed and try to plan their loved one’s time on their own: in the morning to work, then home resignedly (no friends!), from there to the store for groceries, and then to Aunt Masha for potatoes. Tell me, are you ready to give up gatherings with friends, shopping and cafes? Hardly. Such a life will be like a cell. Do you think a man would want to sit in a cage, and even on a leash?
“If he loves you, he will understand”
The beginning of life together is a very difficult period also because in one place the orders and laws of two different families suddenly collide: yours and his. Mom taught him that dishes should be washed immediately after eating, and you are “sinful” and put them in a neat pile in the sink. Your father never scattered socks around the apartment, but your lover leaves them behind the sofa or under a chair every now and then. It is clear that some things will irritate you, and you should never remain silent about them. You should not rely on his telepathic abilities and think that a loving person will understand everything without words. Will not understand. Therefore, calmly, without hysteria, explain to your lover that his socks make you nervous and he would really help you if he himself put them in the dirty laundry basket. Just don’t rush to be offended when he asks you to wash the dishes immediately after eating - everything is fair with you.
You should not rely on his telepathic abilities and think that a loving person will understand everything without words. Will not understand.
"Yours, mine - ours"
Would you invite all your relatives to your lover's house without warning him about it, if you did not live together? Of course not! You should also not do this when the living space becomes shared. This does not mean at all that your mother’s visit must be fully approved, but you can tell a man a simple thing: “In a week, my mother will come to us for a couple of days.” Isn’t it difficult for you to warn your loved one about an imminent meeting with your mother-in-law? In the end, having chosen you as his life partner, he did not choose your entire family and, unfortunately, he should not be happy with absolutely all unplanned visits.
Our consultant, IAAP analyst, specialist at the Insight Center for Education and Family Development
Congratulations, you are starting to live with a new girl!
Of course, this time everything will be different: you will always be together and die on the same day. The only thing that can hinder you in this good undertaking is the romantic illusions that accompany the beginning of a life together. We have compiled a list of the most common and dangerous illusions for your couple so that they never separate you. Better let a stripper separate you!
How, how can you quarrel with this wonderful creature with silky hair and a voice that rings like a stream? Even if she thinks that way about you, believe me, it won't last long. All you have to do is wash your sneakers once with her shampoo, mail-ordered from New Zealand, and her eyes will become bloodshot. And we bet you won’t tolerate her habit of making fun of the size of your plasma in the presence of friends. In general, the bad news is that quarrels are inevitable. The good news is that arguing is good for your relationship. In general, the total absence of quarrels is the first sign of an impending breakup. After all, if you have nothing to find out, you are indifferent to each other. So fight. But wisely. “Think of quarrels as a kind of clearing of communications,” our consultant recommends. - Quarrels have the potential to bring people together, not alienate them. After all, during a quarrel you learn new information about each other.” At the same time, you also need to be able to quarrel. Olga Mikulina recommends using so-called “I messages” in speech: using the pronoun “I” rather than the pronoun “you,” this way you inform your partner about your emotions.
For example, instead of shouting to a girl with feeling, “You cheated on me again with my favorite plumber, you cantankerous woman with an incomplete higher education!”, say: “I feel deceived and lonely when I am cheated on with a plumber.” “I-messages” will help you convey to the girl the very essence of your experiences. But suppressing and keeping silent about grievances in the name of the mythical commandment about the absence of quarrels in relationships can lead to deepening misunderstandings and subsequent rupture.
One of the main challenges that awaits you and your girlfriend on the bumpy road of life together is collective interior design. Bunpar's 15 Things to Discuss Before Moving In Says: "As much as you want your home to reflect your taste, you need to make sure your partner doesn't have allergies to certain furnishings." Agree like this:
- one thing of hers against one of yours. For example, your display of old cell phones against her collection of pink netsuke;
- develop a neutral interior that does not irritate either party;
- in the most extreme cases (reproduction of “Girl with Peaches” in a gold frame), introduce the right of veto. If you make compromises, then everyone.
In principle, according to Olga Mikulina, the idea is not bad: “Relationships are more stable if partners have some common cause. A dog or a cat could easily become such a common cause.” But before you run to the Pomeranian farm, think carefully. If you haven’t liked dogs since childhood and experience an inexplicable fear of cat whiskers, most likely nothing will change now. Perhaps, under the influence of feelings for a girl, you will even engage in self-deception, trying to convince yourself that cat whiskers are not scary, and dogs are pleasant. But a little time will pass - and now joint care of the animal will turn into a nightmare of nightly walks and the calvary of replacing the tray. And then mutual hatred is just a stone's throw away.
Of course, you can give her the password to your email, Facebook, Contact, Instagram and the forum for house of cards fans. But know: the next time you receive the message “I missed you and washed your socks,” you will have to prove for a long, long time that your mother is hiding under the nickname Svetka Sexy Baby.
Access to sacred information can corrupt even the most sensible person, and mutual trust very quickly turns into mutual surveillance. And now, under the cover of darkness, you are eagerly scrolling through your friend’s feed with a trembling hand, tormented by the question of why this half-naked jock with a powerful jaw gave your girlfriend as many as 14 likes this week. And last time - 17! So keep your details to yourself. And to the question “Why don’t you want to give me the password?” answer sincerely: “I trust you and hope for reciprocal trust.”
At the beginning of a relationship, the level of trust partners have in each other is off the charts. You want to tell her everything: from the time you ate a jar of jam in the army to the time you accidentally hacked your neighbor to death with an axe. Do not rush. Some information is best left to yourself, especially those related to past relationships. We hand over the keyboard to our specialist: “Some people talk about their previous relationships in order to revive the relationship and provoke their partner. The reaction to such frankness can be different, but, as a rule, it is either an immediate quarrel or a hidden resentment. The main danger that lurks in this kind of information is the erosion of the idyllic image of a partner. So protect your partners from your past. Remember: the only thing that matters is here and now. If the girl insists on the number, looking away, boldly answer: “Ten!” Researchers surveyed 1,000 users of the dating site www.SeekingArrangement.com before arriving at this universal figure. With her, you don't risk seeming like a loser or too lucky.
There is such a thing in relationships as “boundaries”. Our specialist told us about this. “In each couple, boundaries are set individually, but they are always there,” reports Olga Mikulina. - And it’s better to discuss them right away. For example, someone calmly pees in front of their partner, while another is embarrassed to even brush their teeth. I knew a couple in which the husband forbade his wife to hold knitting needles in his presence, because he considered needlework to be asexual.” Therefore, before you fart Vivaldi’s “Spring” to a girl as a sign of eternal love and devotion, by asking leading questions (“I wonder, has anyone tried to fart Vivaldi’s “Spring?”) try to find out her reaction to such a degree of intimacy.
One more thing. Incredible, but true: some women are offended by the sight of completely naked men, unless, of course, something like that is planned in the coming minutes. At least, this is the opinion expressed by the girls we interviewed. You have no idea how upset the fitness editor is! For many years he walked around naked and thought that everyone liked him.
The conflict between larks and owls is as eternal as the sun and the moon. And, alas, it cannot be settled. “None of the partners should under any circumstances sacrifice their regime,” Olga Mikulina tells us authoritatively. - Remember that the other side of the victim is the aggressor. Night vigil can give rise to morning irritation and anger in the lark, which is unusual for this bird. Regular early rising of owls will lead to the same result.” So don't try to change your or your partner's routine. Yes, you may see each other less often due to different schedules. But the chances of getting bored of each other are greatly reduced.
At first it seems that this is indeed the case. You pay the bill at a restaurant, she gives you a tie; you buy popcorn at the cinema, she reads the credits to you for free the entire show because you forgot your glasses at the restaurant, etc. But suddenly you decide to move in together. And then it turns out that your views on the financial sphere of life differ.
Let's say she is convinced that a man should lie on the couch and watch cricket broadcasts around the clock, while a woman should bring money into the house. You, in turn, think that a woman is obliged to stay in spa salons for hours, enjoying exotic gingerbread wraps with the money earned by her man. Conflict is inevitable. Therefore, the authors of the book “15 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together” argue that “financial issues should be discussed in advance so as not to end up in a situation that is unacceptable to you.”
There are many options for joint management of finances, for example:
- you can contribute a certain amount to the common pot every month;
- agree on the division of expenses: she pays the bills, and you buy whips with feathers.
If you still think that the topic of money is too slippery to discuss, then you either earn a lot (in this case, we envy you), or you deliberately live dependent on women (even more so, we envy you).
Before calling the movers, calculate in advance the volume of property acquired through backbreaking labor and the square meters of shared housing. The drum kit doesn't fit, aren't you Tommy Lee? It's worth putting it in storage. In recent years, a brilliant American invention has come to Russia - self-storage warehouses. For example, mobius-sklad.ru offers for a couple of thousand rubles a month to take care of things that can, by their very presence, poison the life together of even the most wonderful couple.
And one more thing: ideally, in a shared apartment, everyone should have a private corner. “For a man, such a place can be a table for tying fishing flies, for a woman - a dressing table with cosmetics,” Olga Mikulina instructs us. - External personal space is necessary, it is a continuation of the internal one. The classic male space is the garage. If such a place does not exist, partners will tend to look for it in other places, in particular in the apartments of other men and women.”
As a rule, this idea comes to the mind of the female half of the couple. As a result, in the hour that you spent in the sauna of a corporate sports club, you can receive the following text messages:
■ Mur-mur-mur :)
■ I sent you a photo of the kitten by email:)
■ Why don't you answer?
■ Ok, thanks for your attention.
■ Don't write to me anymore!
Agree in advance with the girl that you are not always available for communication. Say that, unfortunately, you have meetings from nine to one in the afternoon, and from three to six you smoke dolphins as part of team building. And, alas and ah, the management strictly ensures that no one is distracted by their phones at this time. But you will be glad to chat with her from half past three to fifteen to three. In theory, this should discipline her. Good luck.
But it’s always better to do this
Strain in sex
It’s only us, men, who think that it couldn’t be better to swoop in like a hurricane and grab your iPad within five minutes. And women, believe it or not, still love foreplay. And remind her often of what you like. There are two of you here.
Celebrate anniversaries
Try to celebrate at least such significant dates as the anniversary of the first sex in penguin costumes. Girls really respect surprise anniversaries. But in general, it’s not difficult for you to drink champagne one more time and order pizza.
Look good
Make sure she doesn't see your shirt bursting under the physical law of your mighty belly. And she, in turn, should not loom in front of you in shapewear.
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s easy to love the same things. You watch the same movies, wear the same plaid shirts, order the same cocktails and exclaim “Wow!” with the same intonation. But inevitably there comes a fateful moment when, after the nightly sentence “Well, shall we watch the series?” she's downloading an episode of Cougar Town while you were counting on American Horror Story. The illusion of unity is crumbling.
According to Wolinsky, this happens because when we enter into a relationship, we expect our partner to “merge with us into one whole, thereby saving us from loneliness.” So remember: it's okay to like different things. But in no case should we try to change each other, to make each other fit ourselves. Here's what Wolinsky writes about this: “Any attempt to change another to fit your idea of who they should be in order to cure you of the pain of loneliness is pretentious, narcissistic and, worst of all, separates you from your humanity and doesn’t allow you to be open and intimate.” The foreign tourist speaks well!
Even the most beloved creatures get boring sooner or later (if you have a child, you will understand what we mean). Therefore, there is nothing shameful (what a funny word, by the way) to periodically take a break from contemplating each other. Here is what our specialist told us about this: “For some couples, especially those who not only live but also work together, it is better to go on vacation separately. Some people fear their partner will cheat while away from home. If a person is determined to commit treason, he will commit it on the street next to his house. Distances are not important.”
Svetlana RumyantsevaCohabitation, also known as cohabitation, is gaining popularity among residents of big cities every year. Living together without officially registering a relationship has its pros and cons. It can be considered as a rehearsal for family life, gaining experience, testing feelings, or the most convenient option for a relationship. Among couples in which both the man and the woman have already been spouses, civil marriage is a kind of symbol of peace. It becomes a conscious choice of two people familiar with the intricacies of family life. What about girls who decide to live with a guy for the first time? What to expect from a new experience, and what pitfalls will you encounter along the way? Let's share our experience.
Underwater rocks
The first months will be especially difficult: you get to know the person anew. Say goodbye to the idealized image and get ready to accept the person as he is, without romantic embellishments.
Flaws
Your boyfriend is not perfect. It is not difficult to guess this even before living together, but it will be possible to determine the scale of imperfection only in the conditions of a merciless life. Get ready for special difficulties if the young man previously lived with his mother. The guy spoiled in the family is used to everything in the house being done without his participation: a plate left on the table is washed by itself, socks scattered in the corners are washed by themselves, and food appears by itself.
Young people who have tasted the delights of living separately are more prepared for living together. Every bachelor knows how to serve himself at a primitive level. With a successful combination of circumstances, he reveals talents for cooking, cleaning and washing. At first, everyday little things will haunt you at every step: splashes of paste on the mirror, the floor in the hallway trampled by dirty shoes, crumbs in the kitchen, and maybe even in bed. Who's lucky! Do not despair. You can fight bad addictions, the main thing is not to confuse them with innate character traits.
Disadvantages can also be found in a guy’s habits. For example, a loud sneeze that sounds like thunder from an orchestra pit, causing the whole house to tremble along with you. Some voiceless men love to sing in the bathroom early in the morning, disturbing the sensitive sleep of their lady. Patience, you have a long time to work together.
Finance
In most cases, concerns arise from two nuances:
the girl earns more than the guy,
The guy's salary is higher than the girl's.
You need to choose a convenient budget option based on the ideas of both partners:
General budget - all money is put into one “pile”, expenses are discussed in advance. The wishes of both partners are taken into account. If a girl bought a handbag this month, then next month the guy will buy a console. No sexual privileges unless discussed in advance. For example, guys spend less money on cosmetics than girls, this is their advantage. While the female representative is replenishing her supplies of lipstick, mascara and blush, the young man is saving money to buy a laptop. But here’s the problem: a girl can also dream of an expensive purchase, which she will not see in this situation. How to be? Explain to the man that cosmetics are essential items: they give her a beautiful appearance, and he the opportunity to enjoy his lovely partner.
Partially, the total budget is the amount for paying for the apartment and general household expenses. It is divided equally. The couple disposes of the remaining money at their own discretion.
One of the partners takes full responsibility for housing and household expenses. More often it turns out to be a man, but there are also business ladies who are ready. If a girl is financially dependent on her roommate, as a rule, she takes care of all the household chores.
Couples starting to live together have difficulty managing expenses. To solve this issue, calculate your budget. At first, keeping track of purchases will provide invaluable help and save you from unnecessary quarrels.
Responsibilities
There is one destructive stereotype in the minds of the vast majority of men: housekeeping is a purely female affair. This arrangement is justified only in one case: when all financial obligations lie with the guy. If both people work in a couple, then household chores are divided between two people.
In the very first weeks of their life together, girls make one fatal mistake: they try to play the role of an ideal housewife. What is the danger?
You will not have enough strength to cope with the suddenly overwhelming responsibilities. Even an experienced housewife needs an assistant, what can we say about a girl taking her first steps in life together? Everyday life will exhaust you and squeeze out all your vital juices.
The guy will get used to it and sit on his neck. If you don’t teach a young man to help with housework right away, then it won’t be possible to do so later. He will get used to the position of “master” and will not want to part with it.
Traditionally, men are entrusted with taking out the trash, washing dishes, and the simple part of cleaning, but in each couple the division of responsibilities is individual. Some cohabitants actively practice complete equality: everyone cooks for themselves, cleans up after themselves, and washes their own things.
Personal space
At first, partners think that spending 24 hours a day together is a dream and true happiness. After a couple of days/weeks, young people realize that they cannot do it. The desire for solitude is a natural desire that must not only be respected, but also done everything to fulfill it. Let each partner choose their own territory for the rest period. It's good if these are different rooms. And if not? For some, a computer desk, for others, a sofa and TV. Hobbies are also a sphere of personal interests that should not be interfered with without a good reason. But don't go to extremes. Organize your time so that you can be together and relax separately.
Sex
Until a girl and a guy live together, sex in 90% of cases is planned. This especially affects female representatives. The realization that today the girl will be alone with the guy and spend a stormy night with him is a psychological prelude.
While living together, sex becomes spontaneous and at the same time obligatory. It is difficult for a girl to switch to an intimate mood after a working day and household duties. Sex loses its brightness. On especially difficult days (and there will be many of these in the first months), sexual intimacy can also cause a feeling of disgust. Guys are not immune to this situation either. In conditions of living together, the physiological characteristics of partners are also revealed: one wants sex every day, the other wants sex every three days.
Worldview
Each person is brought up and grows in individual conditions, has a subjective experience and a system of views on the world. Conflicts can be different: an atheist and a believer, a democrat and a monarchist, a Slavophile and a Westerner. But if global philosophical and political issues can be bypassed, then what to do with everyday problems? The girl is a vegetarian, and the guy is a meat eater. The situation is not simple. But even in it you will have to look for a compromise that will resolve the issue of cooking, smells and aesthetic tastes.
Prejudice
During their life together, young people will have to face personal prejudices and false ideas about civil marriage wandering among others.
Already married
Girls think that living together is forever. In a couple of months or years, the guy will propose, they will get married, have children and live together until old age. Alas, reality is different from dreams. and tend to disintegrate.
Still free
For a man, cohabitation is a ghost of freedom. You can always leave if something goes wrong.
Not serious
Civil marriage is considered to be. It's right. But cohabitation is an effective test that helps you make the right decision. Young people realize whether they are ready for marriage and starting a family or not. This saves you from tragic mistakes common among hasty newlyweds.
He won't marry
This stereotype is based on the idea of a man as a lustful animal, hungry for sex. Yes, some guys derive one-sided benefits from cohabitation, but you shouldn’t judge all men by them.
Cradle of debauchery
Intimate relationships outside of marriage are still condemned among inveterate guardians of morality who grew up during the USSR. But young people do not share such ideas. Despite this, on a subconscious level, young people can feel shame and actively fight against the prejudices embedded by the older generation.
When solving difficulties, remember that it is impossible to change another person to suit you. But becoming a victim and putting an unbearable burden on your shoulders is also not worth it. The purpose of grinding is to make living together comfortable. Over time, you will adapt to new roles and conditions and find a common rhythm and common ground.
April 13, 2014, 11:23If you want to test the strength of a relationship, start renovating your home, says popular wisdom. But what if you are just about to start living together? What to be prepared for before moving in with a guy, is it worth changing habits to please your loved one and how to correctly distribute roles and territory, read on.
We divide the territory
It's not difficult to move in with a guy. It is much more difficult to get along together. No matter how wonderful the relationship is, sooner or later one of you will violate the boundaries of your personal space, to which your partner may react unpredictably. Practice shows that it is easiest to live with a guy with whom you have shared a path that included various situations.
Psychologists' opinion:
“Often, conflicts in couples arise due to misunderstandings and hushing up grievances. When people just start dating, they turn a blind eye to many of their partner’s shortcomings - hormones are seething, so there is no analytical activity at all. The more life situations a couple experiences, the stronger the relationship becomes. And in each of these situations, true character traits emerge.”
So after deciding to live with a guy, the girl already knows that he can be aggressive and impatient in certain cases. There is no point in being offended by him - this is his nature. If the couple’s pastime mainly involves entertainment, it is impossible to get to know each other better. As a result, when lovers begin to live under the same roof, other, not always positive, character traits begin to appear unexpectedly. This leads to resentment. After all, in essence, resentment is an unjustified expectation of something that never happened.
Most grievances are related to the division of territory. Here's what you need to be prepared for before you start living with a guy:
- He sometimes wants to be alone. Many girls are afraid of such a desire, like fire. It seems to them that the guy has stopped loving them. This is one of the biggest mistakes, on the basis of which serious scandals flare up.
Why? Every person needs solitude from time to time - to organize thoughts or disconnect from reality. It’s just that for some it takes a few minutes to withdraw into themselves and come back, while for others it takes at least half a day. This is mainly due to the activity of the brain, which sometimes needs a reboot.
What to do? If you don’t want to be known as a “brain-eater,” don’t take away your loved one’s precious minutes alone with himself. You, too, sometimes want peace and quiet. So, instead of another portion of reproaches, it is better to do what you love - visit the gym, take a walk in the park, go shopping.
- Not all of his hobbies are your business. And you have to come to terms with this. Otherwise, it will turn out like in the joke: getting up early, she broke all the fishing rods, flushed all the maggots down the toilet and cut the net with scissors, and then snuggled up to her beloved shoulder. There were two hours left to live.
Why? Hobbies are private territory. Not everyone (and even the closest friends) goes there. What if your favorite activity is related to the realization of a childhood dream? Same thing. So be loyal to the little weaknesses of your loved one.
What to do? Option two: fall in love with the same thing, and then instead of an enemy they will see you as a like-minded person (if your loved one is a Dynamo fan, you can cheer together at home or in a sports bar, at the same time, control the process of drinking alcohol), or give up and get a hobby herself. But don’t even think about rooting for another team, otherwise scandals over football battles will be added to domestic conflicts.
- He likes chaos. And yes, it is much easier to understand than your ideal order. So, if there is a bunch of graphic drawings, professional literature and airplane models on your desktop, don’t bother. He feels so comfortable and familiar. And then, before his life, he somehow managed to cope with you.
Why? There are many options: the beloved is a pathological slob and he likes to live surrounded by a mountain of garbage; he is too preoccupied with career growth to pay attention to such trifles; a mountain of garbage is a sign of protest of your excessive cleanliness (yes, socks under the sofa from this opera).
What to do? Relax and stop cleaning as if you were living in an operating room. Or set a cleaning schedule for the area.
Developing habits together
Moving in with a guy means moving in with his habits. He will have to do the same. Some habits can transform over time - no one has canceled the compromise. Immediately specify several points (it seems like a trifle, it’s not because of such trifles that families break up), for example:
- How to leave a toilet lid on. Here it is as convenient for anyone. For hygienic reasons, it is better to lift;
- What to do with a tube of toothpaste. Someone calmly screws on the cap if their loved one left the tube open. And some people get terribly annoyed when their partner squeezes toothpaste out of the base.
- Who washes the dishes and when. Not everyone washes their cup immediately after drinking tea. Like, then there will be the main meal, so I’ll wash it. When the clean cups run out, there will be no time for jokes.
- Who takes out the trash? If you always wash the dishes, let the trash be on your loved one's conscience. Or vice versa. But never take on all the chores around the house, otherwise you yourself will raise a lazy person and a slob.
- How much cosmetics can be stored in the bathroom? Undoubtedly, tubes, jars and bottles are necessary, but isn’t it easier, instead of four body lotions with the amount “at the bottom”, to use one, but half full?
- Who uses the computer and when. If everyone has their own gadget, the question automatically disappears. But if, as part of your job, you need to regularly receive and send files, and your loved one has occupied the laptop and is engrossed in a “shooter game,” it is impossible to convey anything to him, overcome with excitement.
Financial issue
Planning a family budget is one of the most difficult tasks for a young couple. There are so many people, so many opinions regarding who should replenish the family piggy bank.
Advice from psychologists:
“No matter how independent and financially independent you are, in no case should you pull the blanket on yourself in a financial matter. Firstly, by doing this you humiliate your partner - you question his ability to be a provider. Secondly, think about the future - after all, you have to give birth to children. It is doubtful that you will work with the same dedication before and after giving birth. So let your partner get used to being the captain of your shared boat.”
At the same time, one should not resort to extremes: a man a priori should, and a woman is created for love. A normal man already knows this. But that’s what a couple is for, to support each other in difficult times.
If your other half is able to provide for the family, let your contribution to the budget be symbolic. If not, you can use a 2:3 ratio (you give a slightly smaller amount for joint expenses) or divide the expense items (someone pays utility bills, someone else pays food).
Never control your partner's income. A normal man will always save money for something important to both of you. And no one has canceled small joys that also require money (for example, fishing or designing airplanes). After all, no one asks you to report why this or that lipstick and mascara were purchased.
For more information on how to understand the second half, watch the video below.
