How to establish a close relationship with your mother: important tips and a psychologist's comment. The main problems of relations with elderly parents - learning to find a common language Making bad relationships with parents

In many families there are conflicts between adult children and parents. Most often, this is a conflict between an adult daughter and mother. As for sons, they usually have their own lives, their own interests, they avoid conflict situations, fathers also try to avoid disputes and quarrels.

But for mothers with daughters, the situation is different, they often have claims against each other. Why is this happening?

As it was before

We humans belong to the natural world. How are they built there? Parents raise the cubs until they grow to the size of an adult and learn to hunt and get their own food. After that, the parents part with them, and the children begin their own lives. More parents with their offspring do not meet. They begin other worries, the female again gives birth to cubs, feeds them, protects them, teaches them useful skills so that they can get food and take care of themselves.

The same picture existed among the people. Every year women gave birth to children, fed them, looked after them, taught them the skills necessary in life. And then they became assistants: they helped around the house, worked in the field, helped raise younger children.

Mother did not bother with teenagers. She already had a new baby, and she was engaged in it. And older children quickly began an independent life.

Common occurrence: only child

In today's society, things are different. Often the child in the family is the only one, so all attention is paid to him. His parents are shaking over him, worried that something might happen to him. From here it appears. The child is not given the opportunity to show independence, to learn to cope with life's difficulties on his own.

The selfishness of the children we raised

Our . We are ready to do everything for them. From childhood, we rush to their aid, fulfill their requests, our whole life revolves around them. Children get used to the idea that parents exist solely to fulfill their desires. Mom and dad must always be ready to help, support, rescue, save.

Intervention in children's lives

Some parents (most often mothers) actively interfere in the lives of children. They believe that they have the right to tell them how to live, whom to choose as partners, when to have children, what to spend money on, etc. Parents give unsolicited advice, not realizing that their children are adults who live their lives, their destiny and want to manage it at their own discretion.

Mothers miss the moment when it's time to step out of the mentor role and become a tactful friend who doesn't interfere when not asked.

In fact, children need only one thing from their parents: to know that they are alive, healthy, prosperous, not in need, live their own lives and are satisfied with it. And most importantly, to know that parents are always ready to drop everything and come to the rescue if the children call them.

And when parents begin to climb with unsolicited advice, to express their opinion on any occasion, this is very annoying for children.

If it seems to you that your children are doing something wrong, realize that this is the fruit of your upbringing. You gave them an example with your life, with your actions. They have absorbed everything that you gave them in childhood, and now they are implementing it in their lives.

Mother's inability to live her own life

Mothers of adult children often do not know how to live their lives. In order to fill it with your own meaning, you need to make an effort, create a circle of acquaintances, find interesting activities. There are many opportunities for this: a healthy lifestyle, fitness classes, work, part-time work, travel, at least not far, etc.

If your life is filled with meaning, children will respect you more. On the one hand, perhaps they will sometimes reproach you for why you do not fully devote yourself to them. On the other hand, if they see you as a person, it will earn them respect.

In short, don't go to extremes. We must try to strike a balance between our lives and the willingness to help children when necessary.

Many are annoyed by older people

There is another nuance that is not customary to talk about. Many are annoyed by older people, as they belong to a different generation, they have a different mentality. Sometimes they seem backward, out of date (although, perhaps, in reality they are not!). Let's add here the reduced physical capabilities of older people.

All these reasons explain why it is difficult for adult children to find a common language with their parents. But be that as it may, it is necessary to look for a compromise, to smooth sharp corners, to find common ground. The main thing is to respect and try to understand each other.

If something doesn’t suit us very much in a relationship with a man, we can say at any time: “Sorry, but here our paths diverge.” Of course, it won't be easy, but as they say, we don't have to be around those we don't need. The same applies to friends who, for some reason, cease to be friends: we move away from some gradually, with others we break any ties with lightning speed.

But there are those in our environment who will always be there, despite misunderstandings and conflicts. We are talking about close relatives, namely the only and most beloved mother.

123RF/ocsaymark

Unfortunately, not everyone has a trusting relationship with their mother. Sometimes conflicts arise through the fault of the daughter, sometimes the mother is to blame, but still more often both do everything possible so that later it is difficult to be in the same room.

In this case, both mother and daughter suffer. The first believes that she undeservedly receives one after another slap in the face from the person to whom she devoted all of herself, and the second is sure that she is doing everything right and her mother simply does not understand her. Is it possible to mend a relationship with a mother when they seem to be at an impasse? We will give you some tips that will help you get back together with the dearest person, leaving endless quarrels behind.

Don't forget who you're arguing with

Sometimes you get into a rage and start throwing the most unpleasant words at the offender. However, it is very important to remember exactly who is standing in front of you now. It's one thing to argue with a work colleague or a friend you can't rely on, and quite another with your own mother. No matter how trite it may sound, but this person not only gave you life on your birthday - he was there in the most difficult moments, helped you get up when you fell from a swing or a tricycle, blew on abrasions and bruises, did not sleep at night, when you had a fever, and was ready to give up his own life for you if necessary.

123RF/Evgeny Atamanenko

Yes, now you are looking at your mother, and it seems to you that in front of you is just a stubborn tyrant who does not even try to understand you, but just imagine that this tyrant will suddenly disappear. She is no longer young and may need help just as much as you did when you were little.

So always remember who you are arguing with and choose your words carefully. First, there will come a time when you will not be able to forgive yourself for some of them. And secondly, being more selective in expressions, you will be able to smooth out the already sharp corners.

Take her place

Do not think that life's difficulties haunt only you, your mother also has a lot of them. Of course, there are a lot of reasons for the emergence of conflicts between mother and daughter, but the vast majority of psychologists assure that maternal dissatisfaction with one's own life very often lies at the basis. Perhaps your mother once left her husband, and now she has serious health problems. Here you like it or not, but you will periodically take out your anger on loved ones. Never forget that mom is not a robot. This is a person with his own thoughts, experiences, problems and fears. Maybe you should pick the right moment and talk heart to heart with her?

talk

Despite the fact that we agreed to protect the feelings of a loved one, we’ll clarify that it’s not worth hushing up grievances, especially since mom probably tells you about everything that doesn’t suit her in you. Try to voice your dissatisfaction, just present it in a more positive way. Instead of “you never listen to me, you don’t care at all how I feel!” you can say "please listen to me, I'm sure you will understand me", and the phrase "of course, you have the most terrible daughter in the world!" it is better to replace it with "your praise means a lot to me."

123RF/Iakov Filimonov

It is very important for her to know that you need her just as much as 20 years ago. Therefore, do not forget to consult with your mother on how to prepare this or that salad or remove red wine stains from a white blouse. Firstly, the advice of a woman who clearly has more experience in these matters than you will really help you. And secondly, your mother will see that you never thought to forget about her, that she is still the same smart and wonderful woman in the world for you. In addition, if you know that she has a weakness for moralizing, it would be better if you choose the topics for these moralizing yourself.

123RF/Vadim Guzhva

Take an interest in her life

Older people are especially acutely experiencing inattention to themselves from loved ones. That is why a call from a grandson from another city is a great reason to brag to your girlfriends.

Be more attentive to your mother: take an interest in her well-being, come to visit, bringing her favorite sweets as a gift, and when buying the little things you need in the household for your home, do not forget sometimes to buy something for her.

You will see, such a gentle and caring attitude will eventually melt the ice between you, and you will be able to hold meetings without reproaches and scandals.

The article is not mine.

I want to tell you how I divorced my own mother. How can you divorce your mother? Oddly enough, but almost the same as with an ex-husband - or quarrel completely.

I want to tell you how I divorced my own mother.

How can you divorce your mother? Oddly enough, but almost the same as with an ex-husband - either quarrel completely, not wanting to see each other, or try your best to put a good face on a bad game, holding back irritation in the hope that everything will work out in different territories, or just be good friends. I think that those readers who are lucky in life, and they do not know the problems with their mother, will exclaim indignantly: “How can you talk about this! There are many husbands, but only one mother!” Yes, the mother is alone, but a psychologist from the Healthy Family Center, who counsels pregnant women, says that 90 percent of women complain about their problems with their mothers. Moreover, these are not random complaints, but requests to help resolve painful, chronic situations - adults, successful women are afraid of their mothers, suffer from excessive dictation, they simply cannot find a common language with them for years. And mom, as already mentioned, is alone, and you will not forget about this problem.

By the way, the very term “divorce with parents” was coined by my friend, a well-known American writer. I must say that in addition to writing, as it is with them, Americans, it is usual, he has a prestigious, money-making profession. But he began writing books after his “divorce from his parents”, being already an adult and well-fed uncle with three children. A lot of energy was simply released, which was previously spent in debates on the topic “I am a dumb creature, or I have the right to speak.” Prior to that, he made many attempts to build normal, civilized relations with his parents; having emigrated to the USA, he dragged them with him as soon as it became possible. But the parents did not want to move away from the “one of us is an adult, the other is stupid” model.

But we are not even talking about adults, well-fed uncles, but just the opposite. We are talking about young, pretty, accomplished (or not so) women. All of them are very good, except for one thing - the relationship with their own mother. At work, already in recognition of merit, they begin to call by name and patronymic, neighbors run to consult, the child dances for joy when her mother returns in the evening, but ... But all this does not matter to her own mother, who loves her daughter terribly, but at I am sure to the depths of my soul that her daughter (who already has her own children) knows nothing at all and does not know how to live, and without her advice she will disappear. If only some advice... "You're doing it wrong, you put on the wrong sweater for your child, your furniture is not in the right place" - familiar texts, isn't it? If this criticism was still passive, but after my mother gave me advice, she followed me around the apartment with the question: "Well, why don't you want to do it the way I want," until I got out of herself.

In fact, my mother is a very intelligent, sympathetic and hardworking person. But when I grew up, I realized that we are so different that it is useless to find out which of us is right and who is wrong (and almost every conversation ended in a quarrel), but you just have to live separately. Mom took the conversation about exchanging the apartment with hostility, and said: “If you get married, then I will exchange the apartment.” At the same time, it must be explained that for my mother the whole meaning of life is her children, she has no other interests. And she constantly announces that the main thing is that we (the children) feel good. I got married fairly quickly. She refused to leave, citing the fact that I was leaving an elderly, sick woman. I got divorced just as quickly, because. the moral situation in our apartment left much to be desired.

Having come to my senses after the divorce, I tried to live at home as little as possible - either I lived for six months in the apartment of a relative who had left, then with friends. And when an affair suddenly broke out in my new job, and the young man offered to live together, I, without hesitation, agreed. After a while, a child appeared. I quit my job and my husband also lost his job. There was nothing to rent an apartment, we parted ways with our parents. Nobody wanted to live together with other people's parents, everyone already had an unsuccessful experience of living together.

What is the difference between a Jewish grandmother and an Arab terrorist?

I returned to my mother. She loved my child extraordinarily, and became very actively involved in his upbringing. Her help was enormous, but in the form in which it all happened, it was completely unacceptable to me. It was completely impossible to get along with her. (Do you know the joke about the Jewish grandmother? My mother is Russian, but the joke is about her. The question of the Armenian radio: “What is the difference between a Jewish grandmother and an Arab terrorist?” Answer: “You can negotiate with an Arab terrorist.”)

Mom believed that her opinion was exceptionally correct. She criticized my every step - she washed the bottles wrong, wrapped them wrong, walked a little (not 4 hours a day, but 3.45). I was slowly losing my mind. Friends advised - take the child, go for a walk with a stroller. I tried to live with friends, but a small child is a lot of attachments: a clinic, a dairy kitchen ... When the child was about two years old, I went to work part-time. My part-time jobs weren't that great, but while I was at work, I hired a nanny so I wouldn't have to depend on my mom. With a nanny (as I now understand) I was terribly lucky - she was a pretty, intelligent and benevolent woman. As you might guess, my mother also found flaws in her (and who doesn’t have them) and every evening she whined that I can’t even imagine how difficult it is when a stranger is in the house. A year later, the nanny moved to another area, and we (to my great regret) had to leave. Mom said categorically “no nannies, the child needs a team,” and the child was sent to the garden. The child turned out to be non-Sadovsky - when in the morning the teachers tore him away from me, the roar was for the entire kindergarten. And worst of all, he was sick. For more than two consecutive days he did not go to the garden, and after these two days he was ill for a long time and seriously. I hated the phrase "kindergarten", but I had no other choice.

Hostage of the situation

Meanwhile, my career slowly went uphill, and the difference between the attitude towards me at work and at home became more and more. At work, I was treated with genuine respect (single women with small children are very good workers, because they are very afraid of losing their job), and at home I remained a little girl who does everything wrong, and “who she will say this, as if not her own mother. I endured with all my might, because I was a hostage of the situation. I must say that my mother was far from the worst option, but there simply wasn’t any strength to listen to the song “you won’t succeed, who needs you like that (ugly, not very healthy), except for your own mother ...”. One summer, after another showdown and my tears, I realized that I couldn’t live like this anymore. In the middle of the night, on foot, I went to my relative, who lived relatively nearby, and sobbed for a long time (which I had never done before), telling me that I could no longer do this, and there was no way out.

Who seeks will always find

After this incident, I clearly understood that I needed to decide something. The question of renting an apartment after some thought disappeared, because. in addition to renting an apartment, it was necessary to pay a nanny, which in total amounted to rather big money. I began to think about getting into debt and buying my mother a one-room apartment next door. She even agreed, and I, naive, believed. After I found and offered her three options, which she refused, it dawned on me that she would not go anywhere. I began to look for a very bad, but two-room apartment. (Searching for money on loan is a different story. I will only say briefly that I had very little money of my own, and the lending schemes that are now offered are predatory in nature. I know one thing: whoever seeks will always find.) After a year-long search for an apartment found - dead, tiny, in a terrible five-story building, but two-room. It was necessary to make repairs. Money was not expected even in the boundless future. Relations at home continued to heat up. I was in despair - on weekends I had to do repairs, at night I tried to do "left work", plus everything else was constant pressure. Although many of my friends had similar situations, and my mother constantly insisted that everyone lived together, and nothing.

Do you have the script

At that moment, I accidentally went to a creative meeting with Maria Arbatova, and since "lousy about the bath", and I - about my mother, I asked her a question about how an adult woman should build normal relationships with her parents. Arbatova replied that normal people solve this issue in their youth, and if I still have not been able to do this, then I need to turn to a psychologist. I objected that many of my girlfriends have the same problems, to which Masha replied that each person writes the script of his own life, and that if I have problems, then I recruit the same problem girlfriends into my script. Take a look around, please. I looked back. Indeed, many (with different results) have already solved this problem for themselves. One lady said that her mother could not come to terms with the fact that her daughter was already an adult, and this lady, after countless quarrels, decided to end the relationship, and for many years they have not spoken.

This, of course, is an extreme case, but I saw that very young girls, having barely begun to earn money, immediately rent an apartment and build their lives the way they want, and not as their parents see fit. A friend of mine, who recently gave birth to a child, described her situation quite accurately. Yulia and her husband lived separately from their parents, but when the baby appeared, her mother began to visit them often. And when one day he fell ill, the doctor came. Julia described this situation as follows. “There was a doctor in the room, my mother, and two children - a boy of two months old, and me, 27 years old. My mother behaved like a mistress of the situation: put it here, you don’t hold it like that, close the window. Outwardly, everything is correct, but I realized that I do not want to play by such rules. When the doctor left, I said: “Mom, this is my child, and henceforth I will decide how to do it and how not to do it.” Mom was offended and ran away in tears, but returned half an hour later to take a prescription and go to the pharmacy.

Visit of an old lady

And I went to a psychologist. I have consulted him before and he has always been very helpful. But in this case, it was not even entirely clear why I was going. It seems that everything is clear - there is a conflict, but the apartment is bought, you have to wait a little, and everything will be fine. But after I told everything, the psychologist suddenly asked a simple question - do you understand that the trip will not solve the problem? And I suddenly understood with all clarity why I had come. Subconsciously, I knew this very well, but only a psychologist formulated the problem for me. "What to do?" - I asked in complete impotence. The answer was short: "Work." “It is hard work of building relationships, if you agree to it, the result will be. The fact is that in the mind of your mother there is a certain pattern of your relationship, and even having parted, you will not be able to change this pattern. You don't want to end your relationship with her, do you?" I didn’t want at all, on the contrary, I wanted us to finally have normal relations. “So we need to work on them.”

By the way, he told me that my problem is very standard (well, this is understandable), and gave one example. Some time ago, a woman who was 60 (!) years old came to him with the same misfortune, who complained about her mother, who was 82 years old. This client already had two children and three grandchildren, but this did not stop her elderly mother from actively criticizing her each time (you are so shameless, you called me only four times yesterday, etc.). The situation was complicated by the fact that the 82-year-old lady was seriously ill. But it turned out that this situation could be resolved.

Parting with complexes

And we started to work. By that time, I had already moved into a dilapidated apartment. At first, I just flew from the spiritual comfort that fell on me. Friends and relatives asked in bewilderment: “So what, mom stayed in a big apartment, and you in a small one?” I didn't care, as long as no one sawed.

The psychologist explained that it was not my fault that I left my mother. And in a good way it was necessary not to get into unbearable debts, but to exchange an apartment. And that, criticizing me in front of a child, my mother crippled his psyche, because. a child at that age cannot digest the criticism of the most important authority. In short, having greatly cleared my brain for my numerous complexes, he proposed the following scheme. Since we now communicated with my mother mainly by phone, it was necessary to build a conversation as follows - calmly, confidently, without emotion, talk, and as soon as any raids began - about me, the nanny, my methods of education - immediately stop talk. At the same time, keep a diary and with this diary come to the psychologist for debriefing.

Each trip to a psychologist cost a lot of money, in addition, the whole story took so much strength from me that I dragged myself to him through a stump-deck. But there was light at the end of the tunnel - the first time after the departure and after I changed the line of behavior, my mother tried to throw terrible tantrums, but over time she realized that she was much more interested in normal relationships than me, and began to slowly change. It was very difficult, I could not have done it alone. Or coped, but with much greater losses. Now everything is starting to settle down, and I want to believe that my life is finally getting back to normal.

What can I say in the end? Every person, every woman has the right to her own life, with her own mistakes and successes. Remember that you have the right to your personal, inviolable space, which no one, not even your own mother, has the right to invade without your permission. You always have the right to say no. I asked the psychologist: “Well, how am I going to interrupt the conversation with my mother, she has the right to sort things out with me,” to which he replied: “Yes, she has, but you have the same right not to sort things out with her.”

I'm sure you have to live separately. No matter how difficult it is financially, your moral balance cannot be estimated by any money. Remember that all our squabbles take place in front of our children. And children, as you know, are brought up not when you bring them up, but when they watch how you communicate with other people. By building normal, civilized relationships with your parents, you are laying the foundation for a normal relationship with your own child. And you finally, at 20, 30 or 60 years old, become adults, and this, as you know, is the dream of every child.

I am 36 years old and live separately from my parents. But my mother is always trying to teach and control me, checks what I fed my grandchildren, how I dress. If something is not according to her, she is terribly offended. How can we stop fighting?

Svetlana Kudryavtseva, Voronezh

Responsible psychologist Dmitry Voedilov:

The conflict between a daughter and mother is from a series of eternal conflicts, like the problems of a son with a father, a brother with a brother, etc. Mother and daughter are very close people and usually cannot understand why quarrels and resentments arise. In fairness, it must be said that some live in the world. It is not at all necessary that if you are a daughter, then you must certainly conflict with your mother.

Why do quarrels arise between the closest people?

There are several reasons.

The mother's belief that her daughter should be a copy of her, a continuation. So, think and act like her, have the same views, dress the same, etc. If the mother cannot or does not want to understand that the daughter is a different person, not like her (after all, her environment is influenced by the environment , school), conflicts begin.

"Unexpected" growing up of a daughter. Sometimes a mother cannot understand in any way that her daughter has grown up, and continues to perceive her as small, patronize, teach and instruct on every occasion. The daughter is trying to get out of such control, demonstrating her independence, independence and adulthood: they say, I myself know how to live.

Daughter got married and mom doesn't like her husband. The influence of the husband affects the behavior and views of the daughter. This is where reproaches begin: you don’t dress like that, you don’t behave like that, you don’t raise a child like that, etc. I even know mothers who specifically don’t let their daughter get married, live in the same apartment and keep them with them as a girlfriend, companion, assistant go on vacation together. They don’t let men close so that they don’t take them away. That is, the personality of the mother completely absorbs the personality of the daughter. They live in perfect harmony, but the adult daughter has no children, no housing of her own, no life of her own either. So, what is next? If the daughter still manages to escape from such strong maternal hands, then conflicts are inevitable.

Other life experiences and values. For example, a mother believes that it is necessary to get married once and for all, and in marriage it is imperative to immediately give birth to children. And the daughter changes men or husbands in search of her prince or believes that you first need to make a career, and then have children. Or the mother is used to saving money, and the daughter squanders. Again a reason for conflict.

Very close family connection - emotional, spiritual. The closer the person is to you, the harder you hit. This is the difference between the conflicts of “daughters - mothers”. Even with the mother-in-law, there may not be such conflicts (at least obvious ones). A woman understands that this is her husband's mother, a stranger, in fact, a person, and she begins to control herself, to restrain herself. With a loved one, such self-control is violated. So the struggle is sometimes uncompromising. A very strong affection and love is fraught with stronger resentment and heartache if a quarrel suddenly arises.

How to build a relationship with your mother?

Remember the eternal. This is still a mother, she gave you life, and although you and her are different in many ways, at the same time you have a lot in common. And your relationship with her is more important than upholding your own principles. We must remember that mom is older. If the relationship is destroyed, then later, if the mother needs help, she may not accept it. And this is a heavy blow for life, which cannot be redeemed.

Analyze the causes of the conflict. Instead of harboring resentment for years, it is better to think about why mom says and does what she does. It is clear that although this is a native person, it is also an independent person. Try to understand the reasons for your mother's behavior, why she demands something from you. Try to take her place. Perhaps she grumbles because she has health problems, so she is often angry and annoyed.

If conflict does occur, try to compromise.. And so that emotions do not go off scale, explain why you think and act this way (“I do this because ...”). When you switch to a logical discussion of some topics, the left hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for logic, turns on. And the right hemisphere, which is responsible for emotional behavior, is inhibited at this time, and the quarrel does not flare up.

In a conversation, try not to get personal, insulting. “You always didn’t respect me!”, “You can’t raise a child well, because you yourself ...” About what was said in the heat of the moment, at the peak of emotions, we then often regret and are ashamed of our intemperance. For example, instead of saying: “Of course, I have no doubt that I am your most terrible and insensitive daughter in the world!” - you can say: "I really need your advice and support." If mom persists, just play along with her, play the role of an exemplary daughter. And when the quarrel subsides, talk heart to heart.

Get more advice from your mom. For example, ask how to properly plant roses in the garden or bake her signature cake. After all, mom believes that her daughter is her continuation, and “continuation” implies the transfer of any experience. And just so that mom knows that you need her, even though her daughter grew up a long time ago and lives with her family. But you need to understand that this will only work if it causes positive emotions. Therefore, look for the right topic and time to talk. The worst option may look, for example, like this: “Mom, teach me how to cook borscht!” - “And I explained to you five years ago, have you forgotten? You don’t hear me at all and you don’t respect me!” Or: “I’m thinking about great things here, and you and your borscht!”

Remember that the best love between mother and daughter is love at a distance.. To have fewer conflicts, we must live separately. Then there will be fewer reasons for daily reproaches and claims: I didn’t buy it right, I didn’t cook it right, I didn’t wash the dishes, etc. And when you live apart, you start to get bored. We need to dose communication.

Don't forget that time heals. It is most important. If you brought the situation to a conflict and could not immediately make peace and find out the relationship in hot pursuit, you need to pause, calm down both, and then find a reason to meet and talk heart to heart.

Learn to forgive. No matter how strong your resentment is, you should always look for motives for reconciliation. Usually, even after a strong quarrel, mother and daughter feel the abnormality of such alienation between close people, both are very worried. Sometimes someone just needs to take the first step.

For grown children, and sometimes teenagers, the question arises of how to improve relations with their mother.

In one family different characters intersect, and it may turn out that goals and values ​​do not coincide.

The child will always strive to resist, to gain freedom, but some mothers continue to control children who have already grown up.

How does Hellinger family constellation work? Learn about it from ours.

Concept and psychology

What is a complex relationship?

It happens in every family, but usually they are of a substantive nature, and sooner or later people reach a compromise.

If conflicts happen all the time, parents and children do not understand each other, do not make concessions, then we can already talk about the presence of complex relationships.

There are several problems:

• the mother seeks to completely subjugate the child and control her every step;
• the mother does not pay due attention to the child, she shows coldness, irritation, aggression, constantly criticizes, dissatisfied with the behavior of her son or daughter. All this results in constant tension within the family, endless conflicts.

A bad relationship between a child and a parent affects his future life. Children who, in adulthood, cannot create a happy family.

Those whom constantly criticized and humiliated, have low self-esteem, self-doubt, problems with establishing personal contacts, lack of achievements.

Awful relationships can start in adolescence and last for the rest of your life.

However, if they wish can be adjusted.

In the ideal case, both parties should be ready to make contact, but the child himself is able to influence this a little.

With adult daughter

A mother who has a low is afraid of her age. She worries about the fact that the body no longer has the desired tone, there are signs of aging.

The matured daughter in this case is an extra reminder of age.

Many factors influence the development of a mother-daughter relationship.

The relationship between daughter and mother goes through the following stages:

With adult son

The relationship between a son and a mother is slightly different from that between her and her daughter. An adult son is already a man able to decide independently and be responsible for his family.

With improper upbringing, the boy becomes dependent on his mother, which negatively affects his development, the creation of a family, and relations with the opposite sex.

If a mother does not want to let go of her adult son, this becomes a problem for both parties. The boy can leave home wanting to avoid the pressure. He may begin to resist in adolescence.

A mother needs to accept the fact that her child has grown up and is leading a separate life from her.

It's not easy, and having become, she can fit into a new family.

If a man is not able to set personal boundaries, then in some cases this is even fraught with the destruction of the union.

There are times when a man completely dependent emotionally on his mother, continues to live with her until old age, without starting a family.

Of course, a mother is needed at any age, but the older the person, the less her influence. She is a wise adviser, support, but not a leader. And it is important to recognize this fact for both her and her son.

The ideal option, according to one of the proverbs, is “feed, learn and let go.” Unfortunately, not many parents understand this and continue to take care of their son who has grown up a long time ago.

Relationship between mother and adult man- this is the line between emotional attachment, guardianship and the ability to give the opportunity to live independently.

Causes of difficulties

Conflicts between an adult daughter or son and mother may occur for the following reasons:

• failure to meet expectations;
• improper behavior of the daughter from the point of view of the mother;
• lack of emotional attachment;
• lack of mutual trust;
• parents did not instill respect for adults in children;
• the mother climbs into her daughter's life, considering her opinion the only true one, not allowing the adult woman to decide for herself what to do in life situations;
• totalitarian nature of the mother.