How to survive as a single mother. Real help comes unexpectedly... The amazing story of a single mother
“All happy families are alike,” the classic once said. What picture appears before your eyes at the mention of a happy family? Dad, mom and happy child. But families are different. And today before you are the stories of women who raise their children without fathers. By an amazing coincidence, all four of our heroines are mothers of boys.
Ekaterina, son 3 years old
My name is Katya, I'm the mother of a cool three-year-old boy.
And before that she was a person who wanted to be happy in life, having everything according to plan: husband, home, love, child. As you can see, the child did not stand in the first place.
I gave birth for 46 hours, and all this time my mother supported me, not my husband. Therefore, when I left the hospital, I did not return to my husband. He didn't want to.
So, after a month of resuscitation and intensive care for premature babies, my son and I were left alone.
I remember my 22nd birthday when my son was 2 months old. I wished to meet a new man in order to correct the situation.
Being alone with a child at 22 was for me the biggest disaster that needed to be fixed urgently.
I didn’t get out of dating sites, I tried to get my husband back. Anything as long as there is a man around. I was afraid of what others would think. It was embarrassing that my peers are having fun in the last year of university, while I am sitting at home with a child. It seemed to me that I should hate this child as the cause of all my misery and ruined life.
My child is three years old, and during this time gossip about me has not stopped. It only became fun to listen to over time. And until now, every “aunt in the yard” will definitely say that I urgently need to look for a husband in order to raise a normal kid.
I thought that having long legs and a pretty face, it would not be a problem for me to find a man. But the reality is that girls with children, in my experience, guys are not at all interested. They can be understood. I can’t jump out to drink coffee in the evening, because I need to arrange in advance with my mother so that she can sit with her grandson. I can't be out of town for the whole weekend. But I can run away from a date when my mother calls asking me to come back, because my child is crying and cannot sleep. And the guys don't agree. Just as they do not agree to a serious relationship, because instead of loud nights and tea drinking in the kitchen naked, they will receive a bunch of rules that exist in my family with my son.
So I didn't have a date for over a year and a half.
I'm just tired of being upset that the maximum that they offer me is fleeting connections, as a gesture of sympathy for my "unenviable position."
Raising a child on your own is hard as hell. You have no one to count on. You need to look for a job where they will be ready to give sick leave for child care, where the work schedule will allow you to pick up the child from the garden, meet you from school, have time to cook dinner, check the lessons, but most importantly, be a mother so as not to miss how he is growing.
Raising a child alone is not something you dream of. It is an endless struggle with stereotypes, opinion, empathy and whispering. But, it is important to remember that this did not happen by itself, but after a series of steps that you took.
But, in your own way, you are completely free!
The most important thing is to remember that even if everything did not go according to plan, you are happy as long as you find moments of joy even in small things. You are not the mark of a mother. Being a mom is one of what you live for, not your only role in life. You are you as long as you fill yourself with so many things that make you happy! As long as you remember who you were before motherhood. Then your world will be the most amazing place you will share with your child, no matter what others say.
Ksenia, son 15 years old
She got married at 18 and divorced six months later. At that time, my son was already a month old. The husband began to lead a wild life, to drink, not to spend the night at home, he worked somehow. She gave chances, tried to reason with him, but no.
I filed for divorce and a year and a half later, in court, I deprived him of paternal rights, since he didn’t care about us. How do I feel about this? Yes, good! Why do I need a husband and father who often goes on a spree without thinking about what I will feed my child tomorrow? I had my mother and younger sister to support me.
Today the child is almost 15, and I have never regretted that I protected us from the father, who did not participate in the upbringing of the child, drank, walked and could raise a hand against me.
The son was often taken away by the grandmother - the husband's mother. We had a strained relationship with her, but I never prevented communication with my grandson. It was she who began to tell him about her father and show him a photo. The only question the child asked me was: "Why aren't you with dad?"
I explained everything to him, without special filters, only in an understandable language for a five-year-old boy. If he asked, then he was ready to understand. I believe that children should be treated as equals. You can always find words that children can understand. Without all these: "You are still small" or "You do not understand." Perhaps that is why now my son and I can talk on any topic.
The most difficult thing for me was my son's illness. From the age of two months he had a terrible allergy. I breastfed for two weeks, then the milk disappeared for obvious reasons.
I will not tire of thanking life for my mother and sister. I don't know how I would have managed without them. We didn't sleep at night or took turns sleeping. They were engaged in holding his hands in turn so that he would not comb himself. In general, like a bad dream. But it wasn't hard without a husband. On the contrary, the house is quiet and well-being.
On myself, I did not feel the influence of the child on my personal life. When my son was four months old, I met a guy. Very soon we began to live together. He became a father to his son. And if we had to go somewhere alone, our mother or sister helped.
What can I say to single moms? Think of yourself and your child. That your happiness does not depend on anyone else. Only from yourself and from the perception of the world from a positive side. That in all troubles you need to look for the positive side. Do not be driven by thoughts: “Who will need me later with a child?”, “Men don’t need other people’s children.” This is all complete nonsense.
Irina, son 4 years old
My child has a father, he is registered in the birth certificate, and for the first six months we even lived together.
My ex-husband couldn't handle the responsibility. An adult 35-year-old man escorted us to my parents and did everything so that we would not return. Quote: "because I just can't provide for you."
I thank him for his honesty. As a result, we divorced, I had to leave Moscow and stay with my parents in my hometown. This is a separate story that deserves a book - how to live with your parents when they tell you that you are a loser. Don't get me wrong, my parents have done a lot for me, but it's still hard at 32 to be left with a baby in her arms and with unsuccessful family relationships.
From the age of three to four, my son constantly asked where his dad was, this question tore my soul. I remember how we were driving somewhere in the car, and Danya, sitting in the back, kept asking: “When will dad arrive?”, “Will we go to him in Moscow?” and everything like that. I drove, looked at the road, and the tears did not stop, because the pain from his words was monstrous. And I’ll say right away that I don’t forbid the father to communicate with his son, there is Skype and all other instant messengers, but he is simply not interested. Here in general - no way. He is not interested in communicating with his son now, which is deadly for me, because right now children are simply incredibly interesting.
At the same time, the ex-husband says that he will wait until his son is 16 years old. I don’t know why exactly this age attracts him.
I always answer my son's questions with the truth that my father lives in Moscow and cannot come yet.
I was very lucky, for all the time I only heard about the “appendage”. When I told my friend that I liked a young man younger than me, she asked, “Why does he need you, older and with a makeweight?”, But then she immediately called back and apologized. It was the first and last time in my life, but I think not the only one.
I myself sincerely believe that a man who one day enters our small family will receive a lot.
Do you know what is the hardest thing about raising a child alone? You don't have a replacement. You get up every morning with a child, you cannot oversleep, dad will not pick him up in the morning to let you sleep, at least once a week. You earn alone, you need to think about where to get the money to feed the child, dress and buy toys. It is psychologically difficult - you have no one to share this responsibility with, you make decisions alone. Sometimes difficult decisions. You have to be both mom and dad.
The only thing I want to say to mothers who are going to give birth alone or are thinking about leaving their husband: save money or look for an opportunity to earn money from home, because this is the main and most difficult issue for a single mother. How to devote the necessary amount of time to your son and provide him with everything he needs.
I was lucky, my parents help me, but this is not always the case. One thing I know for sure - it will become easier, now I feel a little better.
Maria, son 3 years old
When I divorced my first husband, it was scary. To be left alone with the child, without help and support. The stereotypes driven in by Soviet society about “who will need you with a child” were very firmly in my head.
In the very first month of “loneliness”, it became clear that most of the men are not only against, but, on the contrary, very much “for” raising someone else's child, this fact does not affect relationships at all.
So I didn't stay single for long.
When I got divorced, my daughter was 6 years old. She didn't remember much about her father. To the question "Where is dad?" honestly told her that we broke up and dad had to go far away. I tried to be for her both mom and dad at the same time. Now the daughter is an adult, and she and her father communicate on the phone, and once a year she flies to visit him.
At 41, I received the official legal status of a single mother by giving birth to a son and putting a dash in the “father” column. Of course, the son has an actual dad, they see each other, but I am raising my son alone.
I wasn't scared or ashamed of being a single mom. My children grew up and are growing up in a calm atmosphere, surrounded by love and attention. On the personal front, it's great.
And all the difficulties of a single mother for me are only that you are on duty 24/7 and “always ready”. Sometimes violent fatigue overcomes, but then small arms hug you, you hear “Mom, I love you!”, And all the hardships and fatigue are carried away into distant distances.
I don’t remember the chronology well: it’s like everything is in a fog. She came, passed some tests, the doctor looked at me, began to do an ultrasound. And suddenly happily announced
Oh what a beautiful boy you have! It will be a boy, that's for sure.
No, there was no click. There was no realization that I would have a boy, and he - in his few intrauterine weeks - is already beautiful. I silently listened and left. I realized that I could not make a vacuum in this center. "I'll do it in another" - I decided. Next time. And went home.
Life went on as usual. But time passed, and it was time to decide something. My man repeated that the choice is mine. And I couldn't choose. After a couple of weeks, the term became such that there could be no talk of any abortion. Apparently, unconsciously, I made a decision a long time ago.
So I'm pregnant
The pregnancy went smoothly. There was no toxicosis, no drowsiness, no mood swings, no shortness of breath. Nothing.
The stomach was small until the last days: in the seventh month of pregnancy, I danced with might and main at a corporate party in ordinary clothes, in the eighth I received a loan from a bank, and no one suspected anything. Even my mother, with whom I lived in the same apartment, until the last weeks had no idea that she would soon become a grandmother.
I did not get registered, but I monitored my health: I did tests for a fee, and I went to Minsk for all ultrasounds - to the doctor who saw my beautiful boy.
Photo source: heroine's archive
Closer to giving birth, I thought about my home. I knew that I would not be able to live with my mother after the birth of my son. I didn’t even want to think about rented housing: I think that the apartment should be its own. And in the eighth month I bought it. Not much choice: the deadlines were running out. Partly - for their savings, partly - took a loan from a bank.
After a full day of work, I went to my place to do repairs. I quarreled with the workers, washed the floors and walls after installing the doors, scrubbed the tiles. I didn’t even think about diapers, undershirts, a first-aid kit, collecting bags for the maternity hospital. I had another task: to have time to finish the repair, so that there was somewhere to return from the maternity hospital.
Relationship with mom
Mom learned about my situation from strangers. In the middle of pregnancy, I caught a cold and went to a therapist in our clinic. And a few months later, when my mother was at the reception of this doctor, she asked:
What about your daughter, she hasn't given birth yet?
At home there was a huge scandal. For my mother - a Soviet hardened man with iron principles - this news came as a shock. Relations before that with her were not ideal, but now they have deteriorated completely.
But that was to be expected for me. And there was no time for suffering: I only came home to my mother to sleep. The rest of the time she worked or was engaged in the repair of an apartment, which, by the way, no one knew about either.
Photo source: heroine's archive
One evening after work I came to my apartment, washed all the tiles in the bathroom from cement, went home to my mother. There my water broke. I got lost. I did not go to courses for pregnant women, did not read any literature, and the Internet was just emerging. Therefore, I did not immediately understand what was happening. She approached her mother and said:
Something is leaking out of me.
Mom told me I was having a baby. Called an ambulance. But doctors were not allowed into the apartment. They were waiting for me at the entrance. I packed my things, went out to them and went to the hospital.
maternity hospital
I gave birth easily and quickly. Sentimentality did not suffer there either. Well, yes, no one visited me, did not stand under the windows, did not say “thank you for my son”, did not give gifts. I can't say that it bothered me. I gave birth, everyone is healthy, everything is fine.
True, I did not have things for the baby. None. I just didn't think about it for the renovation. On the day of discharge, my friend brought diapers and a blanket so that there was something to wrap the baby in. The blanket was pink - she couldn't find another one. So we went in a pink blanket to our new apartment, to our new life.
First months
Gone like a dream. Of the furniture in the apartment, I had one bed. All. No cabinets, no shelves, no chairs. Bare walls and double bed. We slept on it.
Well, how did you sleep? My son cried all the time, I carried him in my arms.
On the second day, I bent down to put it down, but I couldn’t straighten up anymore: my back twisted. So she crawled around the apartment for another five days. In case something happened to me, she began to leave the front door open.
Photo source: heroine's archive
Some people called me. Former classmates, former neighbors, acquaintances. I picked up the phone when I understood who I was talking to - I quit. It seemed to me that everyone was interested in me just to find out the news. I think it was. For our city, this is still an event.
I didn't want to see or hear anyone.
Communicated only with my girlfriend from Minsk. Sometimes - with a neighbor on the landing. They also had small children, they advised me on child care.
The pediatrician later lamented, saying that you are such an adult, and you don’t know how to make flagella to clear your nose. And I - although an adult - but did not know how to make these flagella. How could I know.
On the seventh day after discharge, my temperature rose to 40. My brother drove me to the hospital. Of course, the baby was in my arms.
The doctors took me to the examination room, where there were two gynecological chairs. They put me on one, and my son on the second. Then I was transferred to the couch and put on a drip. And they left.
I lay for an hour under this dropper, looked at my boy and prayed that he would not move - otherwise he would have fallen from this height onto the tile.
Everything worked out. But on that day, my friend from Minsk handed over several packages of children's clothes. My child has clothes.
I didn't get sick anymore
But my condition was not pleasant. Was it postpartum depression, shock from what is happening or just fatigue - I don't know. The baby cried all the time and hung in his arms.
What can I say, he grew up in my arms. I did not sleep. We hardly went outside. I had no time: I washed all his clothes with my hands, at first I even boiled water before bathing, fought for breastfeeding.
Photo source: heroine's archive
I don't remember what I ate. Probably nothing. I didn't go to the store. I remember cottage cheese. I opened the refrigerator, took it in my hands and put it back. I still remember its smell and I can't eat it.
Three months later, colleagues from work came to visit me. They brought a rattle as a gift: so red, in the form of a weight. They apologized, they say, we didn’t know what to give, we didn’t want to buy toys. “You probably already have thousands of them,” they said.
And I looked at this rattle and thought that this is the first toy of my child.
I was no longer in the family
We didn't talk to my mom. I don’t know what she was going through, but outwardly she lived her normal life. I remember how the baby and I walked not far from her house on Easter day. I saw her - elegant and proud - walking with a basket to my grandmother. The family still gathered for all holidays, observed all traditions. But I was no longer in this family.
And my baby didn't have a name. For almost three months I called him “handsome”. He really was a very beautiful baby. The gynecologist was wrong.
The problem was not what to call it. We also talked to the baby's father. And he did not refuse to give his patronymic and his last name to the boy, but he did not agree either. I waited.
What did I feel? Nothing. At that time, all my senses turned off. Even mothers worked somehow. I could not call myself a mother, I could not be touched by my son, kiss him, hug him. I looked after him selflessly, but I was not capable of tenderness.
Photo source: heroine's archive
Three months later, I registered the baby with my last name, and the middle name was the first one that came to mind. I came up with.
At work, they were waiting for the birth certificate of my child - it was very curious. But no one ever found out whose son it was.
And I knew. This is my son.
back to work
Three months after giving birth, I began to recover. I began to go out more often, tried to walk with a stroller, as is customary among mothers. But her son screamed all the time. Yes, and we lived on the fifth floor, there was no elevator in the house. She dragged everything on herself: in one hand - a stroller, in the other - a child. Neighbors advised to take them out one by one. But I could not leave the child alone in the apartment.
But she shook her hands. I still have very strong hands.
Sold the stroller, bought a car seat-carrier. Now there are many of them, but 10 years ago - and even in a provincial town - they were not. I was known by her in the city. The grandmothers on the bench all gasped, they say, “the cat has a nose”. It was funny. Looks like I started laughing again then.
Photo source: heroine's archive
When my son was eight months old, I was offered a job. I was confused: this was not part of my plans, I was going to spend three years on maternity leave. But the money was running out, and I decided to try.
She placed her son with her aunt, who lived nearby. She ran to them several times a day - to feed and visit the baby. At first she was relatively calm: her aunt took care of him. But a year later, my aunt was tired. The whole street watched Maly: first some neighbors, then others. And I took him to kindergarten. He was one year and eight months old.
It is interesting how quickly the child adapted to new realities. For eight months he did not communicate with anyone except his mother, and in a year and eight he calmly played with any stranger.
Life got better
I felt like I was waking up from a bad dream. Again I felt a surge of strength, joy and happiness. She kept secrets with her friends, talked with colleagues, and was touched by her baby. In general, she became the usual cheerful Nastya.
I started making good money. And every day she brought the child a new toy. Every day. Seemed to make up for the months he didn't have them at all.
Photo source: heroine's archive
We often went on vacation. As a rule - with great joy. But Anton did not like the sea for the first time. We spent the whole holiday in the children's pool. On the last day, when he fell asleep, I nevertheless ran to the sea - I wet my feet in it. And a woman came up to me and said:
You are such a good guy. I am watching you, you are with the child all the time, you keep him busy, you don’t even swim.
I burst into tears.
Mom loved her grandson
We started talking to my mom. She came to her senses, quickly became attached to Anton, and, of course, fell in love with him. Sometimes she began to take to herself. She is the same difficult grandmother as her mother - she constantly grumbles, swears, pouts. But I know she loves him.
Photo source: heroine's archive
Of course, there were illnesses, sleepless nights, it was difficult. But these were the current difficulties. We dealt with them quickly and easily. Everything I had was almost like all moms and dads. The only difference is that both mom and dad are me.
“Dad doesn’t live with us”
I will not say that it is difficult for me to combine these two roles. My character is firm, which is required of a father; but there is a lot of tenderness - like any mother.
Personal life… (laughs - ed. note). The child does not interfere with love and relationships. But in our family we will let only a worthy person.
The son used to worry that he did not have a dad. And now he can’t imagine how it is when there is someone else in the family. Answers questions easily and simply:
Dad doesn't live with us.
But we have a cat. She came to our house.
Yes, I also built a house. Why not? I poured the foundation when my son went to the garden, and we moved five years later - before the first day of school.
Photo source: heroine's archive
We live together and happily. All the time together. Relatives laugh.
“You are like a thread with a needle”
Although he is almost 11, we are very connected. I don't remember when I was somewhere without him. And I don't remember what it was like without him. And why remember?
Thanks to my Anton, I became who I am. And without him, I wouldn't have what I have now. Now I remember what I went from, and what I came to, and I understand that I am proud. By yourself. And happy. With son.
In our time, such a social status as a "single mother" does not surprise anyone. Unless the older generation will look at you reproachfully and even with some kind of disgust. But what about us? What should we do if, by the will of fate, we were left completely alone in our arms with a baby, many without any moral and material support?
I'm not going to lie, the pregnancy didn't go smoothly. Constant mental anguish, talking behind your back, some ridicule from friends. All this left an imprint on my well-being and a couple of times I was taken to the hospital with threats of a miscarriage ...
On July 21, 2013, at the 36th week, 48 cm tall and weighing only 2.5 kg, my baby was born by caesarean section.
The first three months of life passed in a constant change of hospitals, wards, days of staying at home flashed by and again hospitals. But here we were discharged healthy and happy!
I must say that I live with my parents and younger sister, so I managed to avoid complete loneliness. My mother works 6 days a week, from Monday to Sunday, and on Tuesday she has a day off. My father is disabled, for a long time he was listed as a disabled non-working group, but not so long ago he was given a working group, so until my daughter was a year old he was at the labor exchange. The younger sister studies at the institute in absentia, officially works. You will say that what is there to think about how to survive, and the mother works, and the father receives a pension, and the sister, therefore, is not deprived of money. But no, it's not that simple. Well-being is interrupted by the fact that the sister pays for her studies at the institute herself, does not take money from her parents, but she herself does not really strive to help in everyday life financially. My father's entire pension, about 8,000 rubles, is spent on loans that every average family in the country has for the most necessary needs. And, finally, my mother's salary, about 20 thousand rubles, pays for utilities and provides us with a supply of food for a month.
With my higher education in regional studies and five years of experience as a waitress, the state generously pays me 4,234 rubles. Not thick, agree? And some have even less. And I sincerely do not understand HOW such an amount will help a single mother to feed, clothe, put on shoes and all that, a child? I am not a timid person, I immediately began to figure out where and how to earn at least a penny in order to provide my child with everything necessary. And since my baby is still breastfed to this day, I can’t go anywhere. And leave the baby with no one ...
And then a wonderful idea came to my mind. I posted an ad on Avito that I was looking for a nanny job in my territory. They periodically called me, but when they found out that I had a 3-month-old daughter, they politely refused the services, but I did not despair. Someone preferred in the nanny exclusively persons of Slavic appearance, in which it is difficult for me, a purebred Tatar, to argue. Someone - ladies of a more mature age. The situation was complicated by the fact that with a height of 159 cm, a weight of 40 kg, I look at my 23 at a maximum of 16. The good news is that thanks to such heredity, my mother at 44 looks at 30, and my aunt at 55 looks at 35.
Literally two months later, I did find a job. It would be more accurate to say that she found me. A woman called, happy, simple, sociable, and she urgently needed a nanny. The presence of my daughter did not bother her in any way, but even made her happy - it’s more fun together, and the child develops better, which I later convinced myself. The situation was tilted in my direction by the fact that we lived relatively close, practically on neighboring streets, but, as is often the case, we did not know each other at all. She needed a nanny for literally three working days a week, I immediately agreed, as it was convenient for me. After all, with a child up to a year old, you need to go to weighing every month, get vaccinated, etc., and having a weekend in the middle of the week completely suited me. The pay for the work was relatively small - 1,200 rubles a week, that is, for three days a week. Let's calculate, In a month it comes out to about 4,800, plus 4,234 generously allocated by the state, the total comes out to 9,034 rubles. Agree, already something. Many loves manage to live on less.
Honestly, the girl I sat with was a difficult child. At the age of three, she could not eat herself, she constantly hiccupped and pooped in her pants, constantly whined and was extremely short in development. I justified this by saying that my parents had no time to devote enough time to her, so they paid for their love with gifts. But I stocked up on patience and Novopassit and for 6 months I could not complain about life. Thanks to this part-time job, I was able to buy my daughter a walker, a high chair, a swimming pool, a stroller, a play tent, clothes, toys, dishes and other children's accessories.
Running your own business is often difficult. Even harder is raising children. However, there are exceptions to any rule. Single mothers who have successfully created a business from scratch can serve as a clear example of this.
Some of the single mothers started their own businesses to provide for their children. And others, on the contrary, found in them inspiration for work. We will talk about ten successful women who were able to overcome any difficulties and achieve their goals.
1. Take advantage of your position
Angela Benton is the founder and CEO of NewME, a start-up company. Since its founding in 2011, the organization has partnered with more than 300 startups and helped them raise $17 million in funding. Angela Benton herself gave birth to her first child at the age of 16. However, this did not stop her from establishing herself as an expert in the field of design and technology and entering numerous ratings of the most influential people. Today, her name appears in the top 150 influential people according to Ebony magazine, in the list of the 100 most captivating entrepreneurs according to Goldman Sachs and in the ranking of the 50 most influential women according to Marie Claire.
Angela Benton's advice:“Being a single mother is not a failure. Now everywhere they write that the work of an entrepreneur takes 100% of your time, and to achieve your goals you need to go over your heads and destroy everything in your path. However, in reality, everything is not quite so. Don't get me wrong, entrepreneurship is a hell of a job. But do not succumb to the formed stereotypes, even if you have not tried yourself in this matter. Knowing yourself as a single mother, you can acquire indispensable skills in business. For example, creativity, versatility, finding a way out of difficult situations, the ability to manage finances and strong leadership qualities. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to invest in people with such qualities, rather than in young graduates.”
2. Avoid Negative Influences
In 2005, Lisa Stone co-founded the BlogHer media platform. Now the women-oriented portal has a target audience of 100 million people. BlogHer also puts on the biggest business events for women who run their own blog and work in the media. The project has also created its own award on BlogHer.com. Simultaneously with the growth of the project, Lisa Stone was able to become a successful entrepreneur. At the same time, Stone single-handedly raises three children who are 26, 18 and 14 years old.
Lisa Stone's advice:
“Isolate yourself from bad people. You shouldn't have time for this anymore if you're raising kids on your own, right? And if you live or work with people who are dragging you down, you should try to distance yourself from them.”
3. Connect your children to the business
In 2009, Lauren Tom founded the New Orleans label Fleurty Girl using her $2,000 tax deductions. In the same year, after the next football match for the title of the champion of the National Football League of the United States, its T-shirts became popular and soon became a must-have item for fans of the New Orleans team. Five years later, the mother of three was running her own five stores with 30 employees.
Lauren Tom's advice:
“You need to make your family part of your business ... I have always seen my children as my personal guide. If we can do everything together, then we can open a store in our own house. Make them part of your journey. And this applies to all mothers, including singles. Our children are the essence of striving for a better life.”
4. Give yourself a break
Carla Campos is a single mother and founder of Social Media Sass digital marketing training courses. She now works for Florida Social Con, a company that specializes in organizing social media conferences for small businesses.
Carla Campos' advice:
“Entrepreneurship, like motherhood, is not a 9 to 5 schedule. Sometimes I get up at three in the morning and then I have to take my seven children to school. But don't be hard on yourself. Make time for yourself, even just to stop and breathe. Children can interfere with work, they can even eat documents and upload viruses to a work computer. The best weapon is a good sense of humor. Enjoy life as a mother and entrepreneur and wear these titles with pride. We're already superheroes."
5. All it takes is an idea and a push to make it happen
Mother-of-three Melissa Kaeling struggled to find an idea to keep her offspring's lunch fresh until dinner time. That is how she came up with a special lunch box with a cooling function - this idea resulted in the creation of the PackIt Personal Cooler brand. Five years later, Kaeling built a $14 million business. Now its products are sold in 40 countries around the world.
Melissa Kehling's advice:
“Look for inspiration everywhere. Write down all the ideas that come into your head during the day and look for creative ways to bring them to life. All it takes now to create something new is an idea and the internet. Don't let failures bring you down. Initially, I concentrated on only one area - the provision of services in the school - and did not know where to develop further. My fear paralyzed me. However, then I started seeing business owners in manufacturing, manufacturing, and sales. Every person I met gave me confidence. You will be pleasantly surprised how the business is literally waiting for new ideas to invest money.”
6. Focus on the good
Natalie Angelillo has 20 years of experience in growth and development of companies, building own brands, entering new markets and attracting investments. She is the founder and head of the charity school SwopBoard.com, and the founder and co-owner of Swink Style Bar. As a mother of two, she has also served as vice president and senior executive for Getty Images, PhotoDisc, and PhotoZone. Now she also works as a personal consultant for entrepreneurs and startups.Natalie Angelillo's advice:
“You can accuse any parent of some sins, but I prefer to think only about the good. I have a very tight schedule and therefore my children are learning to be independent and independent. They see from the inside how startups are created, they know all this inner workings, because they often come to the office where I work. And I know that it will serve them well in the future.”
7. Only date trusted partners
As a single mother with no money, Zena Muzyka started her journey selling tea, living on $3,000 given to her by her family. Subsequently, she founded an entire empire, whose sales reach $ 6 million in more than 10 thousand stores across the country. She also wrote her own book, where she shared the secrets to achieving happiness and overcoming any difficulties.
Zena Mizuki's advice:
“Don't date men who are always competitive. This may seem like strange advice, but I can't even tell you how many times I dated men who kept competing with me, either for a cause or for a child. After three or four meetings, it turned out that the man wants you to completely belong to him. When you date a guy, see if he loves what you do and if it shows by changing his daily routine in order to be there when you need it. When I met my husband, he took every opportunity to help me with my child, despite the fact that he himself held a leadership position. Not everyone will want to help you, so find someone who is willing enough to help and will let you do the same for yourself."
8. Don't look for the perfect balance in everything.
Nusha Pelicano is raising six children on her own. She is the owner of the Orange Leaf franchise, a rival to Ironman. Orange Leaf specializes in the production of frozen yoghurts. In 2010, the first store of the company was opened. Now there are five. Another store is about to open.Noushi Pelicano's advice:
“The very thought of how I could start my own business stopped me when I first started my business five years ago. It would seem that it was not reasonable to think that I could be both a good mother and a business woman. In fact, everything is possible if we reconsider your understanding of the "balance of power". There are times when my work needs more time than my children. Sometimes - on the contrary. In any case, I like to think that everything is balanced. It is convenient to be an entrepreneur, and then abruptly change your role. Needless to say, how quickly you will learn this by raising children alone and working at the same time! Relax and just believe in yourself."
9. Get rid of self-deprecation
When Brooke Eddy visited India in 2009, she fell in love with two things - Bhakti philosophy and masala chai. As a result, these two passions resulted in the founding of the Bhakti Chai tea company.
Brooke Eddie's advice:
“I've always wondered how men have so much time to start their own company. I got trapped in my own mind trying to compete with them. I always thought that those who have their own assistants for scheduling work, field meetings, presentations are lucky. How productive is that! Or lucky, whom the husband helps to take care of the children and does laundry, cooks, cleans. And if a man is influential and with money, then it’s a fairy tale! But it was all just my judgment and my way of feeling sorry for myself. So I just destroyed myself. We all go through a hundred different difficulties every day - the same men with assistants or connections experience stress. You can be a mother with free time and not start a business, or you can have no children but be married. But that won't change the fact that you need to work harder and harder. Feeling sorry for yourself only makes the situation worse. You start to doubt yourself. And if you don't trust yourself, then who can trust you? Moreover, I can say from my own experience when raising ten-year-old twins, often stress is an incentive for future accomplishments.
10. Choose the right schedule for you
Sherry Colborne is a hi-tech expert with 20 years of experience working as a social media strategist in Oman. She combines sound business skills with social media expertise to help clients build their business and become rich.
Sherri Colborne's advice
“Entrepreneurial moms, like no one else in the industry, need to be focused and watch their time. When I was single-handedly raising children and running my own business at the same time, I got up at five in the morning to do everything - both work and be with my children. Morning conversation with them at breakfast always gave us the energy we needed for the whole day, and conversations at dinner allowed us to hear each other. So I found my natural rhythm, a source for doing business and used it in my work. Jogging doesn't help me, but running for half an hour can help you clear your thoughts and regain your energy. Find what works for you and make yourself a priority!”
Svetlana, 28 years old:
Anton and I dated for four years, got married, had a son. The first six months everything was great, and then I began to notice that something strange was happening to my husband. Although it may have started even earlier, I was just so absorbed in my son that I didn’t notice much. It seemed that the husband had cooled down to the child, he did not even take him in his arms. He cooled down to me, even went to sleep in another room so that the child would not wake him up. A few months later, I found out that he had a mistress. She called me herself and told me everything.
I was in shock, I was madly in love with my husband. I was sure that we would live together for many years and we would have more children. And all of a sudden, it's like your whole life is upside down. I almost lost my mind. Saved the child. Taking care of him gave me strength and I survived. The husband did not lie - he packed his things and left, as he said, to his beloved woman. True, he returned six months later. Tried to forgive, tried to live together. But I could not live with a man whom I no longer trust. Yeah, he didn't try too hard either. Now my son is four years old, my husband lives alone, I am also alone. The child is very drawn to him, but I don’t notice especially paternal feelings from my ex-husband.
Christina, 23 years old:
At the age of 17, I fell madly in love, we immediately began to live together. I got pregnant almost immediately, my boyfriend was against the child at first, but he said he loves, offered to sign. He was 27 years old, he seemed to me very mature and experienced. A son was born in a rented apartment. My husband was wildly annoyed by children's crying, he yelled at me, at the child, disappeared somewhere for days, but at least he brought money home. So they lived for six months, quarreled, reconciled. Then he started having problems at work, he began to bring home less money, it got to the point that he lived from hand to mouth. However, he did not lose weight, and once he even went on a business trip for a week, he returned tanned, satisfied. As it turned out later, he was vacationing with his mistress in Turkey. I depended on him, what should I do? And she loved him. But after he began to raise his hand against me, I packed my things and left for my parents.
They accepted me and treated me with understanding, for which I will always be grateful to them. And her husband never showed up. Yes, my child does not have a father, but he grows up in an atmosphere of love and comfort, he is my happy baby. And no matter how difficult and lonely it was, I am convinced that it is better to be alone than with the husband that I had.
Alexandra, 36 years old:
There was true love in my life, but the beloved died. For me, he was the ideal, and all the other men that I had after him ... no, they were not bad, but they were not the same. I did not want to associate my life with any of them. But I always dreamed of a child. I got pregnant at 32, as they say, for myself. The biological father of my child is my foreign friend, he was sympathetic to my proposal. So I became a mother. It is not hard for me financially, over the years of work I have saved up a lot of money, besides, I have my own business, which works great without me. My daughter is my happiness, and I will do everything to become the best mother in the world for her.
