Good behavior calendar for kids. Ways to show the child what the consequences will be. Sleep control is the key to good behavior

Alena Voronova

Subject: Motivation for compliance with the rules and norms of behavior in kindergarten« Our Commitment to Great Behavior»

Target: Boost aspirations pupils to good behavior.

Tasks:

1) increase in children motivation for compliance with the rules and norms of behavior in kindergarten;

2) the formation of personal qualities: diligence, responsiveness, purposefulness, benevolence.

With the help of Photoshop, I prepared a funny image that I posted on the drawing paper

I signed the clouds, with the help of a transparent film on the clouds, pockets were made to accommodate emoticons.

I made a table for the week, the child, together with the teachers, evaluates his behavior and notes whether they behaved well or badly during rest, at the table, in class, during sleep, after that the day is summed up how the child evaluates his behavior and get emoticons (Great ok, try, you can do better)

At the end of the week, those guys who have no minuses or only pluses follow a minus receive a medal as a reward.

All positive and negative actions, we will definitely discuss. The children are happy to participate in a conversation called

How to spend the next week in kindergarten without remarks", they say rules of conduct in the nursery garden and beyond.

The screen can become an assistant for educators, going on vacation and those who will replace them. Upon returning, it will be easy to track and evaluate the achievements of their pupils.

The screen is also available for parents. Everyone can easily view behavior son or daughter and ask questions of interest to educators.

And the teacher can introduce the table behavior filled with their child. Where can a parent learn more about child's behavior.

Very convenient and efficient.

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I am now reading the second book of one of the most authoritative psychologists in the world "Difficult child. How to deal with him and with yourself" . Alan Kazdin, author of the book, says: "We often make one mistake: we try to cope with the child with punishment, when the encouragement of good behavior has a much greater effect."

I also tried to implement the system that is described in the book for a long time, even when I did not have such a solid theoretical base. For some time it was successful, but at the same time, due to the lack of thoughtfulness, it was abandoned, unfortunately, although the children showed great interest in it.

I know that many other parents, using the reward system - points, stars, emoticons - tried to get the desired behavior from their children.

Now I will tell you about the whole scientific method for using this system in practice.

1. First you must decide what kind of child behavior do you want to get in a positive way.
"I want him to pack his backpack every day for school in the evening"
"I want him to go to bed on time every day"
"I want him to do a certain household chore," etc.

2. We reward the child for every action performed that we need. But we don't expect perfection.. If a child never went to bed on time, then in one evening he will not become a good boy.
We create to encourage achievement table:
In the left column - the days of the week, then - 1-2 habits (it's better to stop at this number for a start) and the last column - the total number of points for the day.

For example, we award a child 2 points for a backpack packed in the evening and 2 points for going to bed on time. In total, he can get 4 points per day. We do not leave empty cells, put a dash or zero if the child has not earned points. You can write points not in numbers, but draw stars, glue emoticons or some kind of stickers.
To begin with, it is better to take only weekdays from Monday to Friday.

Much depends on where the table is placed. It must be in a visible, accessible place for the child - on the refrigerator, on the wall in his room.

Redeem points for prizes.

Never take anything. There should not be a situation when the child does not fulfill your requirements, and you take away his things as a punishment. It's taboo.

Start with "cheap" prizes. It can be small toys, pleasures, entertainment. It is better to prepare several toys at once and put them in a bag so that the child can get it out of there.
Do not set unreasonably "high" prices for prizes. It makes no sense to promise a small child that for 500 points he will go to the rink with his parents. He will not be able to accumulate points for this prize for so long and will be disappointed.

Set the value of prizes from the daily amount of points to the amount of points per month for older children. But these must necessarily be desired, long-awaited prizes, for which the child should redo his habits.

3. Getting Started

In the early days, you should gently, in the form of a request, beginning with the word "please", remind the child that he needs to go to bed. If he stays in bed, and does not begin to whine "piss-drink-eat", we give him 2 points and enter them in the table.

As soon as points are accumulated for a prize, we offer the child to take a small prize or save further for a large one. Usually, at first, children take small prizes, and then they begin to accumulate more and more points.

Some of the prizes offered by the author of the book confused me. For example, for a certain number of points, a child is given a prize - a call to his grandmother. For me, this is beyond comprehension.
But some prizes are good: extra reading at night, watching cartoons together, going to the skating rink, a trip somewhere, a board game (note that this is in addition to how you usually have fun with your child).

According to this system, you and your child work on the formation of the desired behavior. And this can only be done through training, only in this way the actions become natural and automatic.
Once the habit becomes automatic, you no longer need to reward the child. And you can move on to forming another habit.

Here I talked in general about this reward system, already on this basis, you can begin to form the necessary habit in your child (or in yourself, why not?). But in the book

Children often act up and throw tantrums, and they do it at the most inopportune moment. Parents first ask their child to calm down, but soon many of them lose patience and move on to cuffs. As a result, children's cries only intensify, and the life of adults turns into a real test. Why does a child become uncontrollable, and how to correct his behavior?

Causes of children's tantrum

All children periodically test the patience of their parents and do things that put them in an awkward position. According to experts, there is a rational justification for this. Screams and tantrums are just natural stages of development.

According to University College London anthropologist biologist Emily Emmott, the main problem is the time parents spend with their children. It may seem to an adult that the child is getting enough attention. The kid needs mom and dad to be there all the time and belong only to him. Children do not yet understand that adults have work, friends and personal affairs, for which they also need strength.

A small person does not know how to correctly explain to his parents that he lacks their love and care. The easiest way for a child to get attention is to scream loudly and stomp their feet. The fact that it is important to take into account the wishes and needs of others is obvious to adults, but not to children. The understanding of these things is not given to a person from birth, but comes only with experience. The child sincerely believes that he should always get what he wants. If his whim is not fulfilled, the kid tries to achieve the desired by the method available to him, that is, hysteria.

Is child misbehavior normal or abnormal?

All babies are deeply individual, and each may have their own motives for disobedience. It is a detailed analysis of the causes of a child’s bad behavior that is the key to “correcting” it. To understand where the roots of whims and tantrums grow, use the following recommendations:

1. Consider your child's "functional age"

Parents often throw phrases like “stop acting like a baby!” at their children. They are sure that as the child grows older, it should become more serious. However, all children develop at different rates, under the influence of certain factors. Therefore, when assessing their behavior, it is not always worth focusing on the date indicated on the birth certificate.

Psychologists advise parents to understand what age the level of development of their child corresponds to. In one area, the child may be ahead of their peers, in another - a little behind. This is absolutely normal. Especially often such contradictions in behavior are found among adolescents. An 11-year-old child can talk like an adult, download his rights, and the next moment - ask him to straighten his blanket before going to bed, cook something delicious.

2. Keep a behavior diary

It can be difficult for adults to put themselves in the place of a child and look at what is happening through his eyes. Therefore, they often think that there is no reason for bad behavior, but this is not the case.

Parents should keep a diary, describing in it changes in the behavior of the baby, namely:

• everything that preceded the scandal;
• events after which the baby calmed down;
• how the days passed when the child was obedient and calm.

This method will help build a chain of events and identify factors that provoke outbursts of anger.

3. Don't be afraid to see a doctor

Behavioral problems in children are often age-related and go away on their own as the child grows up. However, there is one thing: if parents do not figure out the exact reasons for their child's tantrums, they will react incorrectly. Reproaches, slaps, reciprocal aggression do not contribute to a good upbringing.

Are you very worried about your child's behavior? Don't be afraid or embarrassed to see a therapist. If your baby has health problems, it's important to get diagnosed and treated as soon as possible. However, most likely, the doctor will advise you on a good child psychologist. He will communicate with the baby and determine why he is throwing tantrums. Knowing what causes negative reactions in the child, you can eliminate them.

4. Discuss problems with other parents

Psychologists urge parents to explore the experience of other people who have children of the same age - friends, relatives, good acquaintances. Raising a child is really hard. All parents have problems with the behavior of their children, so there is nothing shameful in discussing them.

Perhaps someone will start to play the most experienced educator and insist that they know exactly what your problem is. However, in general, talking to other parents will give you a better understanding of when and why children's behavior gets out of control. You will be able to discover factors that you have not paid attention to before.

Help for raising an obedient child

Raising a child is a complex and responsible process. Parents know their children well, but are often helpless in the face of their tantrums. Therefore, it is irrational to rely only on your own strength. Invaluable help in education can be provided by the recommendations of experienced professionals who have managed to communicate with a large number of families and conduct a lot of research on how various factors affect the behavior of a child.

Sleep control is the key to good behavior

In 2013, British scientists conducted a large-scale study among 10,000 children aged 3-7 years. The results showed that there is an objective relationship between an irregular nighttime sleep schedule and a child's bad behavior during the day.

According to Yvonne Kelly, a professor at the Department of Epidemiology and Population Health at University College London, a non-fixed daily routine affects not only the body, but also the mind of the child. Under such conditions, he experiences something similar to the sensations when changing time zones. This interferes with healthy development and causes behavioral abnormalities. Sleep disturbances in preschool age can also provoke serious health problems that will remain for life.

The longer the child does not get enough sleep, the stronger the violations in his behavior are manifested, namely:

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• hyperactivity;
• emotional instability;
• difficulties in communicating with peers.

The good news is that all negative effects are reversible. If parents begin to control the child's sleep pattern, soon his behavior will begin to improve.

What is good and what is bad

According to University of Massachusetts professor Rachel Kelem, the task of parents is to teach the child to behave correctly. Adults must set boundaries for what is permitted and constantly explain that they cannot be violated. Even babies are good at learning. When the baby is already 3 years old, you can directly say to him: “If you don’t stop being outrageous, you will have to go to your room and sit there alone for a while until you calm down.”

It is important to start the educational process as early as possible, because it will no longer be possible to inspire something in a teenager. When a child behaves well, along with praise, he needs to explain what exactly he did right. The kid must remember what to do. Did he put the toys in the box? The simple word "well done" is not enough. Tell him that you are grateful for his help with cleaning, or draw his attention to how cozy and beautiful the room has become. Next time, he himself will want to help his mother.

Praise for Modeling Behavior

It is important for children to feel the care and approval of their parents - this is what they often achieve with their tantrums. Praise them not only for exemplary behavior, but even for trying to do something well.

It is important for parents to understand that they themselves often make mistakes, so it is wrong to demand ideal actions from children. The brain of the baby will be formed until adolescence. He is not yet able to rationally evaluate actions and make the right decisions. It takes a lot of time and effort of parents to teach a child to behave well and unlearn to behave badly.

Approval from close people will help the baby remember what to do. It will be a great motivation to behave well. The child needs parental affection and does not want to upset them, but simply does not yet understand what adults expect from him.

"No" to the war of interests

University of Massachusetts professor Rachel Kelem advises parents to be resilient and not bend under the child. The kid made a scandal because they didn’t buy a toy for him? Determine how you will act and stick to your decision to the bitter end.

The child quickly figures out that if you yell longer and louder, at a certain moment the parents will not be able to stand it and will make concessions. As a result, he begins to manipulate adults and scream every time he doesn't get what he wants. If you feel like you won't last long this time, give in before the tantrum starts. So you save your nerves and a calm atmosphere in the house. If you decide not to give in, stand your ground to the end, no matter how much the baby cries. In the end, he will understand that the manipulation did not work, and he will calm down.

What should not be done?

Sometimes parents, without knowing it, can provoke the baby to scandals and tantrums. If you want to raise an obedient and calm child, do not make the following mistakes:

1. Do not show your anger to children

Like sponges, children absorb everything that they “peep” from their parents. If you show your anger towards them, they will mirror your behavior and begin to throw tantrums at you more often.

Of course, all parents get angry at their child from time to time. However, it is possible to explain to the baby that he is doing bad things without swearing, insists David Spellman, a child psychotherapist from Lancashire. The specialist explains that parents do not even realize how much they hurt their child by talking to him in annoyance. Raising children, you need to show remarkable patience and find a balance between severity and kindness.

If a child behaves badly, he needs to be clearly told what he is doing wrong. If you scream, the baby simply will not hear you. What is said in an angry voice will seem incomprehensible to him. As a result, the child will only hold a grudge and begin to behave outrageously to spite his parents.

2. Don't lecture

When raising a child, the carrot works more effectively than the stick. A person who was punished as a child remembers this in adulthood and holds a hidden grudge. Parents always explain to their grown-up child that they scolded him for his own good. However, experts are sure that punishments cause only negative consequences.

According to Professor Kelem, it is better for parents to focus their children's attention on the moments when they do something right, and less blame them for bad deeds. In this case, what is good will be deposited in the mind of a small person. He will try to behave properly in order to earn parental approval. Continue to praise and encourage him for his efforts so that the child continues in the same spirit.

3. Do not remove "gold stars" for breaking the rules

A popular method of monitoring the behavior of children is tablets. They help parents to get their child to fulfill their requests. If he does a good deed (removes toys, makes a bed), a star is attached to the plate, but it is removed for misconduct. Doing so is a huge mistake, says Professor Kelem.

The specialist explains that the signs with the stars are a great way to negotiate with the child. He sees his achievements and expects that he will be further encouraged. The kid deserves every star. This is a result that is not subject to revision. If the child behaves badly, focus his attention on the fact that he was left without a new star, but do not take away the ones already deserved.

4. Don't put babies in a corner

Professor Kelem explains that changing activities is a very effective method of influencing naughty children. However, it is necessary to “pull out” a child from a situation in which he behaves badly, without swearing and violence. Sending the baby to the corner, parents literally label their child “you are bad”. How can he correct his behavior if you yourself inspire him that he cannot do otherwise?

You can not say out loud phrases like "you are a terrible child", "I am ashamed of your behavior." It is better to gently tell the baby that he has gone too far, and ask him to go sit in his room for a couple of minutes to recover.

One thing parents need to remember is that a misbehaving child is often trying to get them to spend more time with them. Yes, in this case, he causes dissatisfaction with adults and risks being punished. However, the child is satisfied with any attention from the parents. Try to spend more time with your little one when he is behaving well. This will be the best encouragement for the baby, which he will try to get with all his might.

1. Set limits

YOUR HOUSE IS A MODEL OF THE BIG WORLD into which a child is preparing to enter, a society in miniature. By introducing certain restrictions at home, you accustom your child to the existence of rules, laws and prohibitions. If a child from an early age learns to follow and respect the rules, he will be able to avoid many problems in the future. The rules should be short and clear so that they are easy to understand and remember. The child must know the boundaries that cannot be crossed, and understand that going beyond the limits will lead, as in the real world, to negative consequences. A negative consequence or punishment is any action caused by a child's misbehavior and expressing your negative attitude towards such behavior. It can be ignoring, and prohibition, and deprivation of the privilege.

However, positive consequences should not be forgotten, that is, actions or rewards that encourage the child to behave correctly (for example, praise, material rewards, or time spent with a parent).

By setting clear boundaries, you teach your child to control his own behavior.

2. Consequences must be immediate

HUMAN BEHAVIOR IS DIFFICULT TO PREDICT and even more difficult to control, especially when it comes to children. But still, there are some tricks that help us cope with this difficult task. In particular, we know that the immediate reaction of the parent is most effective. For example, for good behavior, it is better to immediately praise the child. Say: "Well done, you did a good homework" or "I'm proud of you because you dug up the truth." So you encourage the child to continue to behave well. Likewise, punishment, such as temporary isolation, should be applied as soon as possible after the child's misconduct. Don't look for excuses to delay punishment. If it is fair, then you are doing everything right.

Immediate punishment or praise is the best way to reward right behavior and wean wrong behavior.

3. Go to the end

WHICH EDUCATION METHOD YOU CHOOSE, you must go all the way. Whether you praise your child or punish him, never go back on your words - do what you promised to do. When a child under 2 is misbehaving, you can use the ignore technique. At the same time, make sure that all sharp and dangerous objects are in places inaccessible to the baby.

Sometimes it is quite difficult to keep these promises - this is a real test of endurance. One of my patients, the mother of a ten-year-old boy, could not cope with her son's disobedience. For example, once he smashed a plate of spaghetti against the wall. In response, the mother sent the child to her room and ordered him, after he had calmed down, to clean up all the dirt behind him. The boy sat in his room all night.

Mom could not stand it and removed the rest of the spaghetti herself. As a result, the boy realized two things for himself: firstly, he can manipulate his mother and, secondly, he can remain unpunished. Never allow your child to escape responsibility for their actions. In the real world, he will not have such an opportunity. Teach your children to respect your words and decisions by always keeping what you promise.

4. Be Consistent

SEQUENCE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT IN EDUCATION. Children understand what is good and what is bad, according to the reaction of their parents. When a child behaves correctly, be sure to praise him. Conversely, he should be punished for bad behavior.

The child will continue to test your patience and seek boundaries until you begin to clearly and consistently respond to his behavior. You can control his behavior only if you pay attention to both the good and the bad, encourage the right and punish the wrong. Both are equally important.

POSITIVE CONSEQUENCES

5. Praise right away

RECEIVING THE REWARD FOR HIS EFFORT, the child is more willing to behave well next time. And the best reward is the reward that immediately follows a good deed. What could it be? You have a wide choice.

Most often, sweets or something tasty, verbal praise, hugs and kisses, and even money are used as encouragement. We advise you to vary the methods of encouragement. For example, if a parent is always limited to "edible" rewards, the child may develop a "food cult" that can lead to serious health problems over time. You should not abuse material rewards either: the more often you resort to this kind of encouragement, the less effective and more expensive it becomes.

Your praise- here is the best reward for a child. Verbal praise is so important that you should not forget about it, no matter what kind of encouragement you choose. With its help, the child becomes clear for what exactly he is rewarded.

For example, you might say, "I liked the way you folded your textbooks when you got home from school." Please note that in this way you approve of the child's behavior. We advise you to avoid phrases like "You are a good boy (girl)". The child is neither bad nor good - only his behavior can be good or bad.

As already mentioned in the introduction, right education teaches right behavior and wean from wrong. In turn, the correct behavior of the child directly depends on your praise. So praise your child as soon as possible, and very soon you will notice the result.

6. Find time to play with your child

GAME IS THE BEST TIME TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO GOOD: just you and the child, one on one. Here your possibilities are endless. Playing hide-and-seek, playing in the sandbox, dressing up dolls or learning a new song - there are a lot of options for entertaining young children. With older children, you can have a picnic, ride horses, go to the pet store to look at puppies, build a snowman, play a board game (like Monopoly), solve a crossword puzzle, or go shopping together.

Parent-child play is of great importance for many reasons. Firstly, this is a great opportunity to give the child the attention he needs so much (especially at a young age). Often children behave badly (and then get punished for it) in order to attract attention to themselves.

Secondly, games are a good way to keep health child. For example, if you want your child to spend more time outdoors, play ball with him outside.

And most importantly, games with parents help to increase children's self-esteem, and healthy self-esteem is the key to the future happiness of the child, his success at school and in life.

So, take your time - play regularly with your children and while playing, do not forget the following:

Your joint games should be appropriate for the age and physical capabilities of the child.

Choose games that would allow the child to show their abilities, talents and uniqueness.

Try not to criticize or scold the child during the game - this is the time for encouragement and praise.

Playing with your child, you remind him: “I love you. You mean a lot to me". You help the child to achieve harmony with himself, which means to become better.

7. Promise a reward

ANOTHER METHOD OF REINFORCEMENT is the promise of a reward (the best method of reward is an immediate reward, but the promise of a reward can also be effective). In this case, the amount of remuneration can be absolutely any. I knew a girl who was promised a large amount of money by her parents if she would not touch alcohol and drugs until she was 21. Naturally, many parents cannot afford large monetary rewards, but a small amount of money can be a good incentive. For example, pocket money given out once a week is an effective way to get a teenager to do his household chores.

The reward does not have to be money, the ego can be any thing valuable to the child. You can promise to spend the evening together playing your favorite game, or, for example, go to the park, to the beach, to the cinema. When a child has beloved grandparents, a trip to visit them can be a reward. A new toy, a book, a delicious dessert, extra time to play games or watch TV - the possibilities are countless.

Use all the "positive" ways available to you to shape the correct behavior of the child. Instead of letting your child do whatever, whenever and wherever, teach them responsibility and self-control. Let the child learn to deserve the reward of good behavior. A worthy reward will be an incentive for worthy behavior.

8. Use a points system

THE POINT SYSTEM IS A SIMPLE AND FUN WAY to help your child control their behavior. He will certainly be interested in the table that you draw, and, in addition, he will expect a reward for his good behavior. And you will watch how the behavior of your offspring is improving day by day. When compiling a table, try not to focus on what you can not do (for example, it is forbidden beat your brother), focus on what you can and should do (for example, calmly play with your brother). We propose four stages of creating a scoring system.

Step One: Make a Table estimates behavior.

Select 2-3 manifestations of the child's bad behavior that cause the most trouble. (You can enter as many behaviors as you like on the table, but I suggest limiting to three so that the number of requirements does not become overwhelming for the child.) For example, you want the child to clean his room, not tease his younger brother or sister, and also do homework during. Draw a table on a large piece of paper. On the left in the column, write down the selected behaviors and in the top line of the table, indicate the names of the days of the week (cm. rice. A).

Point system

Pickling behavior
Cleaned up in the room
Easy to play with brother
Total points (earned per week) =

Proper Behavior
Cleaned up in the room
Easy to play with brother
Completes homework on time*
Total points (earned per week) = 18

* Each cross in this line is equal to 2 points.

Step Two: Select "Currency" For points storage.

For these purposes, something small, light and durable, such as playing chips, cards or paper money, will do. At the end of each day, you will give your child the chips earned by good behavior.

Step Three: Put a "Price" on Good Behavior.

In our example, we agreed that for cleaning the room and playing calmly with the brother, the child will receive a point, and the lessons done on time will bring him 2 points.

Step Four: Come up with a reward.

Together with your child, decide what a worthy reward will be waiting for him for his efforts. If you lived in southern California, for 50 points you could promise your child a trip to Disneyland. Other options are something tasty for dinner, new toys, new clothes, or a party with friends.

So now you are ready to start the balloon system. Talk to your child and set a date and time for her activities to begin (say, 8 a.m. on a Monday). Carefully observe the child's behavior and give out points earned at the end of each day. Do not forget to write down the results in the table: put a cross in the appropriate box (cm. rice. B). Calculate and indicate the total number of points received.

Such a table will help you track the progress of the child, and when you fill it out completely, draw new. (Warning: give your child at least a week to get used to the point system, don't expect immediate results.)

As the child's behavior improves, you can replace some items on the list with new ones. If you have other children, include them in the table as well. In the meantime, try to gradually wean the child from rewards, simply assign fewer points, or give them out not every day, but once a week. Eventually, you will be able to stop "accounting" points entirely.

The main advantage of the points system lies in the positive approach to parenting. You do not need to scold or punish the child for disobedience - he will simply lose a few points. And next time he will try harder.

NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES

9. Learn to use the "hold" technique

THE BABY HOLD TAKE implies a physical restriction of the child's movement. At Under no circumstances should the child be hurt. Grasp the child with your arms, not giving him the opportunity to move. Ensures that the child is free tobreathe. You can hug your baby or sit him down in a chair and hold him there.

The "hold" technique is usually used when a small child needs to be kept out of harm's way, such as when a toddler wants to approach a stray dog ​​or is heading towards the road. In such situations, if the verbal warning does not work, the consequences can be dire: the child may be bitten by a dog or hit by a car. Reception of "holding" allows you to quickly prevent a dangerous situation.

It is also used in less dramatic, but potentially dangerous situations. Imagine that a small child is running around the house, his mother asks him to stop running, but the child ignores her request. The baby may accidentally fall and hurt or injure himself. If the mother is unable to get him to stop with words, she can use the "hold" technique and hold the child until he agrees to behave well. When his mother releases him, he can start running again. (This is quite natural for a child - he tests your strength, so be ready to hold him again.)

And most importantly, you must always control yourself and remain calm. This will help calm the baby. And, of course, your self-control is necessary so that "holding" for the purpose of protection does not turn into physical punishment.

10. Use temporary isolation

TEMPORARY ISOLATION IS A PRETTY EFFICIENT FORM OF PUNISHMENT, if used correctly. For us adults, self-control is a matter of course, for a child it is an important and difficult goal. Using the temporary isolation technique, you remove the child from the “crime scene” and send him to some isolated corner.

The ideal place for temporary isolation can be a corner or a small room where there is no TV, toys or other children, that is, a place where the child cannot entertain himself with anything. (For a period of temporary isolation, you can put the child on a chair.) Some parents send the child to his room for disobedience. We do not recommend doing this for two reasons. Firstly, in the children's room there are usually many opportunities for entertainment, so it will be difficult for the child to calm down and think about his bad behavior. Secondly, the children's room (ideally) should be the inviolable refuge of the child, a place where he can relax and have fun. And this place should not be associated with punishment.

Besides, never do not use a closet or other dark place for temporary isolation that causes fear in the child. In such a place, he will focus on his experiences, instead of thinking about his bad behavior. Such punishment is too cruel and can cause psychological trauma to the child.

It is also important to think about how long to isolate the fidget. You can use the following rule: the time of isolation in minutes is equal to the age of the child. That is:

Five years= five minutes

Six years= six minutes

Ten years= ten minutes

Please note: Temporary isolation cannot be used with children under 2 years of age.

The technique of temporary isolation is especially useful in cases where the child's behavior can harm something or someone. Let's illustrate this with an example. Imagine that a six-year-old boy is teasing another child, let's say a younger brother.

Mom asks the boy to leave his brother alone, he does not pay attention to her. Then the mother calmly tells the boy that he will be punished, and leads him to a corner or another room. The child may resist, so the parent must be prepared to forcefully (but not harm) remove him if necessary, regardless of screams and attempts to escape. Mom should explain to her son that he will not stand in the corner for long, and during this time he should calm down and think about his behavior. (You can even set an alarm so that the child can keep track of the time.) After the temporary isolation is over, the child returns to the place, but the mother needs to be ready to again (and maybe more than once) send her son to the corner, if he misbehaves again.

Temporary isolation can also be used outside the home. If a child misbehaves in a store or restaurant, calmly tell him that he will be punished and take him to the car (a child under 5 years old can be carried).

Stay in the car with your child. Sit quietly in the car for the time needed for isolation, while the child can read, play quietly or just relax.

Advice: if the child is especially resistant to being put in a corner, use the ignore technique and send the child to bed half an hour earlier. Before going to bed, explain to him that because he refused to stand in the corner during the day, he will have to go to bed earlier.

The purpose of this technique is to teach the child to control himself. And do not forget to show him a good example in this. When performing the technique of temporary isolation, keep yourself in control.

11. Take away from the child what he cannot use properly

TEACHERS AT SCHOOL ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR HABITS OF TAKING things away from children for misbehaving in class. They take chewing gum and sweets, notebooks and notes, comics and magazines from schoolchildren, as these items distract children and interfere with work. When your child indulges in something, try to pick it up. You can take away an object from a child under 2 years old, because he still does not know how to use it correctly. (In this case, this is not a punishment, but simply a way to avoid damaging things and harming the child.) Take the thing from a child aged 2 to 5 years for one day, from 6 to 12 years old - for 2 days, from a teenager - for a week . Clearly explain to your child why and for how long you are taking the item.

Never deprive a child of basic necessities as a punishment.(That is, food, clothes, and a roof over your head.) You can take some items from children in various situations. Here are some examples:

Take away a toy from a child if he hits other children with it.

Take away the video game from your child if he plays all night.

Take away the animal from the child (and give it to an adult during this time) if the child does not care for it properly.

Take away a skateboard, bicycle, roller skates, etc. from the child if he rides in prohibited places.

You, like the teacher at school, will return all this, of course, on the condition that bad behavior will not be repeated. And if it happens again, be prepared to deprive the child of your favorite thing again and do this as many times as it takes for your offspring to stop misbehaving.

12. Let your child make amends

DAMAGES IN THIS CASE; IMPLIES TO REPLACE OR REPAIR what is broken or lost. So, when the boy hit the window with the ball, his father told him: "You, young man, will have to pay for the broken window from your pocket money."

A child can make amends and make amends in a variety of ways: money (as in the ball example), replacing a lost item, deeds (performing additional household chores), and words (by apologizing).

The parent may ask the child to apologize to those whom he offended. A friend of mine gave me a wonderful example of her mother using this technique in practice. When a mother heard that her daughter was calling her brother names, she made her say five nice things to him as a punishment. (The rule also applied to her brother.) For example, she could say, "You have beautiful hair," "You dance well," or "You are very smart."

Acceptance of compensation educates children in the ability to take responsibility for their behavior. They learn to correct their mistakes and redeem themselves.

13. Deprive your child of the privilege

"SUSPENSION" is a favorite form of punishment for children in our time. By removing a child from some activity, we deprive him of a privilege - the opportunity to take part in a picnic or play video games, talk on the phone or watch TV, rollerblade or skateboard, bicycle or family car (if the child already has rights). To deprive such an opportunity should be reasonable period of time. I recommend limiting yourself to one day with children aged 2 to 5, two days for children aged 6 to 12, and a week for teenagers. Take the trouble to explain to the child why and for how long he is deprived of this or that opportunity. Explain why his behavior was wrong. Don't generalize - give a specific reason.

Never deprive your child of food as a punishment.(Every child has the right to food.) You should be careful about depriving children of pocket money, because children most often earn this money (by doing household chores). Pocket money serves as a kind of reward for efforts, and if the child tries, he should receive his pocket money - this is the agreement between parents and the child. It is not worth interfering here with punishments for other offenses.

As for the possibilities mentioned above, there is no agreement here, the child receives them without much effort. So you can deprive him of these opportunities at any time. Experiment to see what works best for your child.

Advice: If the child continues to misbehave, try depriving him of some other opportunity. Here again, it's important to go all the way, so be prepared to move the TV out of the room if necessary, or hide the skateboard or video box for a while.

14. Use natural consequences

A NATURAL CONSEQUENCE is what will naturally follow a child's misbehavior. For example, a child who refuses to eat dinner will remain hungry, or a child who eats too many sweets will have a stomach ache. Watching horror movies on TV in the evening can cause nightmares, and refusing to wear a warm sweater can lead to a cold. If you leave your bicycle outside all night, it will either rust or be stolen.

What is the natural consequence of a broken toy? The child will no longer be able to play with it. In this case, you can say, “Ah, what a pity that you broke the toy. You really enjoyed playing with her. I'm sure you'll be more careful next time."

The force of natural consequences is usually so great that parents do not need to additionally scold or punish the child. All that is needed is to find such a natural consequence and use it. This is a very easy way to teach a child to be responsible and think before doing something.

15. Use the Just Punishment Technique

IF YOU WANT TO PUNISH A CHILD WITH JUSTICE, GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE THE PUNISHMENT. Children like this approach, and parents can be sure that the child is ready to consciously take responsibility for his misconduct. You are simply giving him time to think about his actions and punish himself. Naturally, you must not allow punishment to be excessive (small children tend to be too hard on themselves).

unfair a punishment that does not correspond to the age and level of development of the child is considered. Punishment should not be too harsh or cause the child great emotional and/or physical suffering: temporary isolation for several hours, breaking a favorite toy, or any form of corporal punishment are all unacceptable.

On the contrary, fair Punishment is punishment proportionate to the crime committed. It is chosen taking into account the age and level of development of the punished. Examples of such punishment: a period of temporary isolation is assigned correctly, the thing that the child indulges in is taken away from him for a while, the child is allowed to make amends, for bad behavior he loses any privilege. Here are some more specific examples:

Preschool age:

Behavior: The child hit another child.

Just punishment: The child must apologize.

Behavior: Sitting at the table, the child throws food.

Just punishment: Temporary isolation.

School age:

Behavior: The child has not done his homework.

Just punishment: The child is deprived of the opportunity to watch TV for two days.

Behavior: The child left the rollers on the street all night.

Just punishment: The child is deprived of the opportunity to roller-skate for two days.

Adolescence:

Behavior: The child refuses to come home for dinner.

Just punishment: The child must cook his own dinner.

Behavior: The child comes home later than the allowed time.

Just punishment: The child is deprived of the opportunity to talk on the phone for a week.

The latter technique can be very effective for a teenager, such punishment can be useful, besides, it contributes to the development of his sense of responsibility and justice. However, it is not recommended to use it too often.

16. Use logical punishment

TO USE THIS APPROACH, parents must come up with a logical, rational punishment for misbehavior. Acceptance of logical punishment is the highest form of education, it teaches the child responsibility and control over his actions. The parent presents the child with a choice: to behave well or suffer the consequences of his disobedience. For example:

If a child refuses to eat dinner... he will not get sweets.

If the child screams loudly or fights... he will have to go to another room.

If the child does not do his household chores...

he won't get any pocket money.

Ideally, the parent should warn the child about certain consequences of his actions, so that the child can consciously decide how to behave. Here is an example of using logical punishment with an older child:

The teenager left his dirty clothes scattered in the room. The mother warns him: “I don't have time to collect your dirty clothes every day. If you don't take it to the bathroom, it will remain unwashed."

In no case should you shout at a child or nag him - one such consequence is enough to stimulate his correct behavior. When applying this technique, your tone should remain extremely calm. And remember:

The child must clearly understand what you want from him.

Let the child choose how to behave.

Always go to the end - fulfill the promise.

Unlike natural consequences, logical consequences are created by you: you are responsible for justice punishment and correspondence the age of the child. Parenting professionals highly value this technique for its safety and effectiveness (when used correctly). This is also a great opportunity not only to wean a child from bad behavior, but also to teach good.

Advice: If your chosen punishment doesn't work, try another type of logical punishment, such as temporary isolation, restitution, or loss of privilege.

*All information, photos, video materials on the official website of the educational organization are posted with the consent of the employees, parents (legal representatives) of the pupils.
Reprinting of the material is possible only if there is an active link to .

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Every parent wants their child to grow up to be a happy and successful person. I'm not an exception. My son Fedor is 5 years old.

The issue of education is extremely important, because according to the well-known wisdom " sow an act, you reap a habit; you sow a habit, you reap a character; you sow a character, you reap a destiny.".

The actions of our children create their future, and it is imperative that these actions are their own experience and their choice, and not the coercion of their parents. Only then the experience is assimilated correctly and the personality of the child develops harmoniously.

A common technique for many parents is the carrot and stick method. The child does what his parents tell him, and gets a "carrot", does not - the "stick" is used. But what does this teach children? Do what you're told and everything will be fine! Agree, not the best paradigm.

When Fedya was still 2.5 years old, I thought that I would like to find some kind of holistic system of motivation for the child. Which would easily and without coercion encourage him to develop daily, learn new skills and take positive actions that are the result of his own choice. After spending many hours on the Internet, I unfortunately did not find anything like this. Then I did the following simple thing. I drew a sign. By the way, this is what she looked like.

To my surprise, Fedor very quickly turned on this game. For each completed case from the list I proposed, he received a "smiley" in the table. And having collected a certain number of such emoticons, he received a bonus. As a rule, it was a material gift.

This system is quite simple and is used by many parents in one form or another. And all thanks the following benefits:

1. Game style. The child perceives this as an exciting game and, with pleasure and of his own free will, does that (he removes toys, brushes his teeth, etc.), which in a normal situation he would have to be forced to do.
2. Regularity of repetitions within a single system. Since this whole game has a regular basis, the child gets used to its rules and then begins to do many things, as they say, "on the machine." What exactly and is an end in itself. Moreover, within the framework of this approach, any useful skills can be instilled in the child.
3. Ability to achieve goals. The child understands that in order to achieve the desired result, a number of conditions must be met. As in adulthood, to achieve a big goal, you need to achieve several sub-goals. This is a very important skill!
4. Positive motivation (disenfranchisement). For achieving the goal we give a bonus, for not achieving - we do not give. Everything is simple. And no whip! We create a privilege and simply deprive it if something happens. It is important that the child also receives a very valuable life lesson - not always the goal can be achieved the first time. But at the same time, you don’t need to be upset, but just start over and everything will work out.
5. And one more positive moment: the child is in an unobtrusive form learning the days of the week and generally learns to perceive time.

However, my own experience has shown that this method has a number of features:

1. Financial motivation is wrong. If a child is motivated financially, then he will begin to perceive the achievement of material wealth as an end in itself, which can be dangerous. It is much better to give a child emotions as a motive - a trip with parents to a circus or a zoo, lunch in a cafe with animators, horseback riding, etc.
2. Pictures are better than text. Young children cannot read, which means they do not perceive texts written by their parents. It is better to visualize what you expect from the child. The child himself will come to you after the completed task, to report on his successes. You only need to praise him to inspire him to new victories.
3. Self-control is better than parental control. When the child has fulfilled one or another condition/task, as reported to you. You can give him a sticker (smiley, flower, star, etc.) so that he himself can paste it into the table, thereby receiving an additional charge of positive emotions.
4. No more than 5 skills at the same time. I initially had a fairly large list of requirements for the child (the number of rows in the table). It was difficult for my son to accept them. Later, I found the recommendation of child psychologists that it is better to instill no more than 5 skills at the same time. Although I admit that for older children their number may increase.
5. The horizon for achieving the goal is a week. Initially, my motivational table was designed for a calendar month. But for a child, it's too long. Therefore, it is better to limit yourself to weekly cycles, at the end of which, on weekends, the child can receive non-material rewards for their success.

I shared my idea with friends and colleagues who have children. And I realized that I'm not the only one with this issue. There was a desire to make a project. Make sure that all the minuses are taken into account and all the pluses are implemented. I hope that with your help the project will come to life!

What is the purpose of the project?

• Help parents raise happy and successful children.
• Make learning and motivating children less stressful and more entertaining.

The makivideo.com service, for a symbolic sum, helped to make a presentation video that briefly describes the essence of the project.

How does the Children's Week benefit work?

1. Post your calendar on the wall in the children's room or in another place accessible to the child. It is important that he was in front of the eyes of the baby, and he could easily reach.

2. Paste any 5 task stickers (skills) for fixing in the first week. Choose the most relevant tasks for your child from the proposed list:

• Make the bed
• Brush your teeth
• dress yourself
• Put the toys away
• Go to bed on time
• Watch cartoons no more than 30 minutes
• Learn a poem
• Feed your pet
• Help mom wash the dishes
• Say "thank you" and "please"
• Do not interfere with parents talking on the phone

By the way, it is planned to add other stickers with tasks for children of different ages. Indicate in the comments to the project, what skills would you like to add?

It is important that the skills are extremely specific and do not interfere with the development of the child's emotional sphere. For example, don't use a sticker like "don't cry" or "don't swear on the playground" because it's fraught with driving a child's feelings inside. You need to understand the source of the problem, and that's about something else. Our manual is focused primarily on instilling specific household skills and developing a healthy attitude of the child to discipline.

3. Explain to the child the rules of the game. Tell us in detail what you will issue stickers for. What gift will the child receive at the end of the week if he collects the required number of them (for example, at least 20).

4. Stock up on stickers for the first week. Keep the rest out of the child's reach. It is important that you always have a sticker of the completed task at hand when the child turns to you for it.

5. Start handing out stickers for the actions taken from the list. At first, it may be necessary to remind you of business. In the future, the child himself, without reminders, will know his duties. And come to you when the job is done successfully. Do not forget to thank the child and cheer, give him a sticker. Let the child himself paste it into the desired square.

If a child asks you for help in completing a task, be sure to help him. What he is doing with you now, tomorrow he will be able to do on his own!

6. Summarize the week. This can be done on Saturday. Count the number of stickers pasted by the child. Mark those tasks and skills that the baby did best (praise), also mark those that need to be improved. And tell him what he can do next week. If the required number of stickers has been pasted, then it's time to give out the declared intangible gift.

If the goal is not achieved, it must be said that there will be no gift this week. However, the next one has every chance of getting it.

Be consistent and fair, in no case give a child a bonus just like that. The child needs this experience. And next week, he will try harder, knowing that he may again be left without a privilege. Moreover, deprivation of privileges is not a punishment in the traditional sense, but a good motivator for future success!

7. Add new skills. After 2-3 weeks, when the baby will perform his duties without reminders, as they say, "on the machine", you can update the task stickers. Be sure to tell your child about this so that he understands that there have been changes in the game.

On weekends, you can not use the calendar so that the child has the opportunity to take a break from his duties.

What do child psychologists say?

Chernobrovkina Svetlana Vladimirovna

Candidate of Psychological Sciences.
Associate Professor of the Department of Social Psychology, Faculty of Psychology, Omsk State University

<<По поводу проекта "Детская неделя" могу сказать следующее. В психологии это называется "метод жетонов". Разработка метода осуществляется в рамках научно-практического психологического направления - бихевиоральной психологии и психотерапии.

The essence of the method is the accumulation of conditioned stimuli (in the case of the calendar, these are stickers for the effective behavior of the child) and their exchange for real stimuli (events, objects, etc.).

Psychologists recommend using this method when forming norms and habits of adaptive behavior in young children, as well as when it is necessary to correct the behavior of older children and even adults (for them, of course, both the requirements and the forms of fixing changes in behavior are different).

Within the framework of this project, the principles on which the token method is built are quite accurately reflected (regularity of assessment, repeatability, game character, control of a limited number of skills, etc.).

The project is really worthwhile.>>

What is included in the set of motivational benefits "Children's Week" for 970 rubles?

1. Wall board-calendar for a period of 16 weeks (4 months).
2. A set of 72 standard task stickers.
3. A set of 36 versatile stickers with the ability to write on them the skills that parents consider necessary for the development of children.
4. A set of 400 stickers-marks about completed tasks.
5. Instructions for using the motivational aid and recommendations for use.

Where will the money go?

1. Refinement of the design layout 18,000 rubles.
2. Print run of 125,700 rubles.
3. Printing stickers-skills and stickers-marks 11,800 rubles.
4. Commission of payment systems and website 18167 rubles.
5. Payment for the delivery of gifts to sponsors 9000 rubles.

P.S.

I would be grateful for any support of the project, both in word and deed. If the project seemed interesting to you, please post a link about it on your social network page.