Love and cowardice. When are men afraid of real feelings? Signs of a weak man If a man says that he is a coward

Valeria Protasova

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Let's talk about men's fears and cowardice. What are men afraid of? Do our men have the right to be afraid and show cowardice at all? How to distinguish real cowardice from a wise and calm approach to life? The topic of this article is “is my man a coward”.

Quite often, women's forums create topics about male fears and cowardice: “My boyfriend is a coward!”, “My lover is a coward!”, “My father is a coward!” "My husband is a coward!" In these topics, girls describe situations in which, as they think, their man behaved like a real coward, showed spinelessness, gave in, got scared. And is it really so?

This article proposes to discuss the various situations in which any man may find himself. Let's consider them from different angles and try to figure out where is cowardice, where is wisdom, and where is just indifference. What do we mistake for male cowardice, and what is courage? When are men's fears justified?

Coward or tough driver? Situations on the road, when parking and if your beloved lady is driving.

Your man was unexpectedly overtaken or brutally cut off on the road. Should he catch up with the offender and "punish"?

Where do we see cowardice? In this situation, hysteria can be considered a manifestation of cowardice. Hysteria can manifest itself in a crazy driving style, unusual for an adequate state of the driver, loud obscene screams and screams, tears. Obvious manifestations of fear and cowardice are - unrestrained urination, refusal to drive a car completely.

How can you justify? However, this, like stopping for a smoke break, is not considered cowardice if there was a real threat to the life of passengers or the life of the driver himself in a traffic situation. Every person has a fear of death.

Not to be confused with intemperance and aggressiveness! Today, more and more often we hear in the news, read stories on blogs about how someone fired at someone on the road with bats, broke glass, fired at a car, stabbed someone as a punishment for this or that traffic situation. Girls, in no case should you ever take such men for brave heroes. They did not defend their honor! They showed incontinence, unhealthy aggression. Such men, as a rule, go over their heads in life, feel with impunity, achieve a lot, but do it at the expense of other people. Remember! Men who are ready to assert themselves at the expense of the lives and health of other people, in fact, are extremely unsure of their strengths and the value of their own lives and regularly try to prove to themselves that they are not cowards and are worth something in this life.

Should he vacate a “foreign” parking space.

According to the law, if a man really parked on someone else's plot of land, then he should be shown a paper that says that "the place has been bought or rented by some company." If you come to visit and park in someone else's yard and a man is asked to repark the car, and the place is clearly public, then options come up.

Where do we see cowardice? The man apologized and calmly moved.

How can you justify? Perhaps he was not at all afraid, but simply very tired and did not want to get involved in uncomfortable dialogues. Another option, he was asked to park by his grandfather, a veteran, or a girl with three babies and five packages from Ikea)) Here your man is well done!)

Do not confuse cowardice with prudence. Perhaps a stronger, more authoritative man asked him to give way, and your boyfriend, your husband decided that in this situation it is safer (including for you) to give in, and not get involved in a conflict. Ideally, before leaving, the husband should try to negotiate with the person. Explain that he is here for a couple of hours. If you are not adequate in front of you, and the husband is objectively weaker physically and does not have special connections, then indeed, the decision to leave will be reasonable!

You got into an accident, you have parking problems. Tell your loved one.

You tell your husband, lover, boyfriend about your problem and wait for his reaction. What will a real man do? Let's start with the fact that if you called him, it means that you have already informed him about the problem and need support. However, in the hustle and bustle of business, it is difficult to understand what kind of support you need - to calm you down by phone or to come urgently? Say it yourself!

Where do we see cowardice? You got into an accident or an unpleasant situation in the parking lot, ask to come, and he refuses, despite the absence of very important things.

How can you justify? Perhaps you are the type of lady whose broken nail is also a tragedy? Men also get tired of constantly satisfying our whims, even if in general they like this trait in our character. Another option is that you yourself create conflict situations around yourself, you yourself climb on the rampage and are used to the fact that he solves these problems for you. Perhaps only you like this game, and he decided to teach you a lesson and make you solve the problem yourself.

Not to be confused with indifference and busyness. If a man does not come to the rescue - this is a signal. It is worth thinking about how much you are dear to him and whether you care at all. Also, reconsider your attitude to his affairs, what may seem unimportant to you, may be important to him.

Is our man a protector? Situations in which the manifestation of male power is required is to protect the girl from others.

Standard situation on the street. Other men pester you - robbers or just hooligans. There are several of them, your husband is one.

Where do we see cowardice? Cowardice can be considered if your man runs away, leaving you alone to figure it out, or grabs your hand and offers to run away quickly together.

How can you justify? Perhaps he understands that he really can’t cope with them, and the hooligans got aggressive, then running away together is one of the options for a reasonable solution.

Not to be confused with wisdom. When there are really several guys and a man objectively understands that he cannot defeat them, it is also reasonable to: a) try to explain verbally that it is better not to mess with you b) ignore the pestering and move on.

My man is a hero! If the guy nevertheless got involved in the battle with scumbags, realizing that the outcome can be anything - he is either reckless or a hero). Here you need to look at the situation. But sometimes, we girls, it is worth considering what is more important for us - to be with a dead hero or a disabled hero, or to be with a reasonable, but healthy coward!?

You got into a fight with a woman. Should a man intervene?

Where do we see cowardice? The man has withdrawn from your conflict.

How can you justify? Many men prefer not to get involved in women's showdowns, so as not to come out guilty. This is partly cowardice, and partly wisdom and experience.

Not to be confused with intemperance. He decided to teach the offender a lesson and beat her well or swore obscenely. Now think about the fact that he violated our favorite taboo “not to beat a woman”, maybe he will someday use force against you?

My man is a hero! You can consider your man a hero if he helped to remove from you an insane person who rushed at you with fists. Do not hit, namely, remove! Or take you away from the place of the conflict situation. Thus, he simply extinguished the conflict and at the same time retained his image of a cultured, calm, self-confident person.

Love and cowardice. When are men afraid of real feelings?

He doesn't say "I love you". Fears?

How can you justify? Perhaps these words have a really VERY great meaning for him. He doesn't waste words. And he will tell you the cherished 3 words before making an offer, when he is completely sure that you are two halves.

Does he not love you? The second and only option is that his feelings for you cannot be called love. Perhaps there is only sympathy between you on his part, or perhaps he does not initially consider any serious relationship between you.

He doesn't want to get married. He is afraid of the stamp in his passport.

How can you justify? Perhaps your man's fears are reinforced by the fact that he has an unsuccessful marriage, a runaway bride, or a bad example of parents behind him. We recommend that you persuade your loved one to contact a psychotherapist for advice.

Not to be confused with cowardice! Some men (especially young ones) are embarrassed by marriage as such, especially if their young friends are still walking around and changing partners. For them, marriage, like cohabitation, is a restriction of freedom not only for their own, but also in the eyes of others. Such cowardice passes with time.

Does he not love you? There is also such an option. A man subconsciously or even already consciously realizes that it is more and more difficult for him to call the feelings between you as love. Perhaps he got bored, "burned out", or maybe he just thinks that it's difficult to live with you. If you are an independent lady and demonstrate it in every possible way, then the man is afraid that he will have to spend his whole life fighting for you and he will not be able to be the master of his fate. Also, pay attention to how calm and comfortable it is to live with you? Do you scandal? Are you good at cooking? Men love comfort and are afraid to lose it.

The main thing girls, do not forget that men are the same people as you and I. Sometimes their fears grow deep from childhood, sometimes they are related to the environment, sometimes they are born in the course of acquiring one or another life experience. Try to support your men, help them fight their fears. Their success is in your hands!

Valeria Protasova

Psychologist with more than three years of practical experience in social psychology-pedagogics. Psychology is my life, my work, my hobby and way of life. I write what I know. I believe that human relationships are important in all spheres of our life.

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How to recognize a coward?

The most important sign of a coward man is unwillingness to make decisions. A timid representative of the strong half of humanity is comfortable only when everyone decides for him. Therefore, he will definitely not take the initiative to be introduced to his girlfriend's relatives, is unlikely to ask his boss to raise his salary, and will never refuse to help his friends, even to the detriment of his own interests.

You can also recognize a cowardly man by external signs: he is afraid to stand out from the crowd, so he dresses discreetly; restrained in the manifestation of emotions; avoids looking into the eyes of the interlocutor for a long time; almost never gesticulates; often fiddling with an object in his hands.

Where do male cowards come from?

Psychologists say: cowardice is a character trait. It usually forms during adolescence, when males are fighting for dominance in the group.

Adolescents who failed to win a high position in the hierarchy, there is a defensive reaction. The future man begins to fear open conflict and turns into a social coward. Alas, it is impossible to eradicate cowardice. This is a personality trait that you have to come to terms with. However, if not the most courageous man feels confident, he will be less likely to act like a coward. A loving woman can help him with this.

How to be happy with a coward?

In the description of the coward man, did you recognize your admirer or husband? Nothing, and with him you can be happy.

Never call a man a coward, not jokingly, much less in the heat of a quarrel. The words "weakling", "quiet", "loose", etc. are also prohibited. A man should never guess that you consider him a coward. He will never forgive you for this.

Remember: a man expects understanding from a woman, not exposure. Make a list of the virtues of your lover, which compensate for his not the most enviable character trait. Record every little thing. For example, "does not forget to water the cacti when I go on a business trip", "knows who Schopenhauer is." Refresh your notes from time to time.

Avoid situations in which it is difficult for your man to find courage. Your neighbors flood you for the third time in a year? Do not hope that your husband will want to deal with unscrupulous citizens himself. Do not demand the impossible from him. Explain yourself to the unfortunate neighbors yourself. You will kill two birds with one stone: you will solve the problem, and you will save the peace of mind of your loved one.

Do not focus on manifestations of cowardice. You were planning a romantic weekend, but your loved one could not refuse the boss's request to come to work on the day off? Moreover, did you witness how he babbled servilely: "Peter Petrovich, I consider it a blessing to work as much as possible for the benefit of my beloved company"? Make it look like nothing out of the ordinary happened. A man will willingly believe in it and will be grateful to you. And the holiday can be arranged a week later, right?

Praise your chosen one as often as possible, especially in the presence of relatives and friends, but only when there is a reason. Clumsy flattery will alert a man. Try to enjoy the realization that no problem can be solved without your participation. Think how many women dream of being in charge of their husbands. Yes, you're just lucky.

The current trend is that weak men are much more common than brave knights. Women have only two options - to help the dreamy prince turn into a macho or to become strong herself.

How to recognize a weak man

Any girl dreams of meeting a strong and determined life partner who will save her from problems and worries, and not create new difficulties. Knowing this trend, weak men have learned to disguise themselves, and therefore their true nature may not be revealed immediately. In order not to fall into the trap, you need to remember the following signs of male weakness:

• Indecision. This shows up even in small things. For example, in a cafe, he can study the menu for a long time, not daring to stop at a particular dish or drink for a long time.
• Inability to keep up a conversation. If in a dialogue with a man you have to constantly look for a way out of awkward pauses, you should be wary.
• Lack of career ambitions. Weak men often work not where they pay well, but where they are calm and have a minimum level of responsibility.
• Slow response. A man does not know how to quickly make a decision not only in stressful, but also in ordinary everyday situations.
• Has bad habits. Most men with a weak character are addicted to cigarettes and alcoholic beverages.
• Not in a hurry to legitimize the relationship. A marriage proposal from such a man can only be achieved after a series of persistent hints.

A few more distinguishing features

Armed with some knowledge, you can easily determine that a weak man is next to you. The signs are the following:

• It is characterized by sacrifice. A man tries to please everyone (or cannot refuse to fulfill other people's requests). This is usually done for the sake of everyone's approval.
• Dislikes change and conflict. And this also applies to positive changes in life. A weak person likes to be in the "comfort zone", even if it is characterized by not the most favorable conditions.
• Suppresses your emotions and feelings. Weak people are afraid to show their state of mind. They prefer to experience all the joys and troubles within themselves.
• They love women's company. In a male company, where everyone is successful and ambitious, it is difficult for such people. But with the ladies, they quickly establish friendly relations.

Classification

Are men weak? In practice, yes. However, not all of them are the same. We can distinguish the following types of weak men:

• victim of maternal love. Being under the influence of an authoritarian woman, he cannot take a single step on his own. In addition, it becomes a serious barrier to building your own family.
• Relaxed. This is a person who is unable or unwilling to take responsibility. Weakness is just a mask that allows a person to stay in the comfort zone.
• can be successful and active in work and hobbies. But when it comes to women, all courage and determination instantly disappear.
• Sensitive. This is creative nature. A man is sensitive to all sorts of experiences. However, that doesn't mean he's a jerk. By building with a woman, a person can open up in a new way.

Why do men become weak?

Be that as it may, a man is born with all the characteristics inherent in him by nature, inherent in the stronger sex. To turn into a weak and spineless person, you need to go a long way, being under the influence of the following factors:

• Upbringing. Usually weak men grow up in families where everything is run by a mother with a tough authoritative character.
• Father problems. If dad was too scandalous and cruel, the boy, as a rule, does not want to be like him. As a result, with age, a man becomes more spineless.
• Relationships with friends. From childhood, subjected to ridicule and mockery of peers, by a conscious age, a man acquires a lot of complexes.

Why are there so many weak?

Increasingly, women complain that men have become weak. But in fact, there is a historical explanation for this. Here are just some of the factors that psychologists focus on:

• War. The First and Second World Wars claimed many lives. As a result, the concentration of the male population decreased to 20%. Naturally, many children were left without a hard father's upbringing. Despite the fact that a lot of time has passed, it left its mark on today's generation.
• Transition to an industrial society. Previously, boys from childhood were involved in field work, where they adopted male experience from their grandfathers and fathers. Today this tradition is almost completely exhausted.
• Education from women. Kindergarten teachers, school teachers, teachers in secondary and higher educational institutions... The vast majority of them are women. Naturally, boys (future men) adopt their behavior pattern.
• Feminism. The active struggle of women for their rights has been very successful. But not only social activities were actively engaged in ladies. They taught children to be different from their fathers.

If a weak and a strong man compete in some issues, in 99% of cases the winner will be the second one. Therefore, representatives of the first category immediately need to change something in themselves. To become strong, you should listen to these recommendations:

• Change your lifestyle. It is worth starting the transformation with changes in appearance, daily routine and even diet. Particular attention should be paid to physical activity, which will help develop endurance.
• Learn to make your own decisions. This does not mean that you cannot consult with anyone. But do not try to shift responsibility for what is happening to someone.
• Overpower yourself. Having defeated your own weaknesses, you will easily resist even the strongest opponents.

From a weakling to a loser one step

It extends to all spheres of his life. That is why such people often become real losers. This is manifested in the following characteristics:

• Feels sorry for himself. Instead of fighting failure, a man actively looks for excuses.
• Constantly points the woman "in her place." This is a kind of self-affirmation.
• Inability to handle money. A man does not have the skills to plan his budget. Thus, he spends more than he earns, and constantly finds himself "in the red."
• Thinks life is a game. If it is not possible to play in reality, a person is immersed in a virtual environment.
• Can't let go of the past. In particular, a man carefully stores old and unnecessary things.
• He exaggerates the severity of his own ailments. A minor cold or headache turns into a real tragedy for a man.

Weak man - aggressive man

A weak man can be identified not only on the basis of known characteristics, but also by comparison with other representatives of the stronger sex. Based on such observations, the same conclusion always suggests itself. A weak man always blames a woman. Moreover, it may not be any specific person, but a collective image. That is, all the fair sex.

Failure at work? Blame the women who poke their noses everywhere and get into personal relationships. Again, the fault lies with the women who have become corrupt and unfaithful. Even if a man stumbles or breaks a cup, the blame will be on the women. And if such a man has a wife, she runs the risk of becoming an object of aggression. Weaklings often assert themselves by suppressing their life partner. Often there are cases of assault.

Is there a chance for personal happiness?

If a weak man, what to do with this problem? Is there a chance for personal happiness? Yes, if you find the right woman who has the "mommy" type. Her parental instinct extends beyond the children. Such a woman feels an inner need to take care of everyone and everything. Naturally, courting and pitying her weak man will not be a torment for her, but a real pleasure and an opportunity to realize her life purpose. The result is harmonious and warm relationships within the family.

Infantilism and weakness are not the same

Men are much more likely to be infantile than women. No wonder they say that they remain small children for life (even in extreme old age). These types of people are characterized by the following features:

• modesty and shyness, inability or unwillingness to engage in serious matters;
• silence or inability to express one's thoughts (moreover, this manifests itself only in a public setting, and not among friends);
• a tendency to tomfoolery (frivolous behavior can be seen both in informal and business settings);
• inability to behave seriously in relations with the opposite sex (which often annoys girls).

Of course, infantes are weak. But this is not the rule. Often, men who behave like children can gather their will into a fist and make a strong-willed decision when circumstances so require.

Conclusion

Is there a future for a weak man? The first option is to connect your fate with a woman with a pronounced maternal instinct. This will be the key to personal happiness, but as for the business sphere, there can be no talk of any success. The family idyll will consist in complaining to your spouse and getting the necessary dose of sympathy from her. Of course, such a state of affairs will suit someone and become a kind of "comfort zone" and a guarantee of stability. But, unfortunately, weak men are rarely happy. In order to be successful with women and achieve peaks in work, you need to work on yourself, eradicating "feminine" qualities.

I will note right away that I am not a supporter of the division of household duties into male and female. If a young lady doesn’t like, doesn’t know how or doesn’t want to cook, but at the same time repairs sockets or plumbing quite masterfully, then let her fix sockets and plumbing, and I will cook borscht, no problem. But if my woman tells me: “Vasya, something sparkled and popped there, we seem to be on fire now,” I have to get up and deal with this damn outlet. This is my task, because I am a man. And this, by the way, does not mean that I am not afraid. I'm not an electrician, so I'm afraid, yes. But I have no right to remove myself from the problem. I should at least shut down the house and call an electrician. Me. Not her.

I think that everyone understands this, and everyone expects this from a man, of course. This is not a disaster, but a common domestic incident. But it is important to understand that you cannot have a normal relationship with a man who in this situation will say: “I don’t know what to do, call somewhere.” Because life is completely unpredictable. No one knows where you will end up together in a few years. You cannot predict when your car engine will boil on a back road, when something will happen to the wiring in your country house (according to the law of meanness - at 3 o'clock in the morning on New Year's Eve), when any household trouble will occur. And I can predict. This will happen exactly when you have nowhere to wait for help. And what will you do then? Well, if you're not the kind of girl who loves fixing outlets?

Therefore, do not waste your time on a coward who offers you to solve these problems on your own. Otherwise, you will be doing this for the rest of your life. And one more thing: sockets, let's be honest, rarely spark. Cranes break through not every day either, shelves fall once every five years, and repairs are an event that happens once every 10 years. And daily household chores are not scary. Don't be afraid to wash the dishes, don't be afraid to take out the trash, don't be afraid to vacuum. How to check if he is a coward, for an hour? Very simple: send it to the pharmacy for pads. If he is scared, because "he's a man!" - He's not a man. He is a coward. Hit him in the neck.

Marriage

This is the situation that does not need to be explained, as it seems to me. If a man lives with you, sleeps in the same bed, invites mutual friends to the house, goes to the damn Ikea with you on weekends, but is not ready to officially marry you, he is a coward.

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If he tells you that he is "not ready yet" - he is deceiving you. The mythical freedom that he allegedly loses in marriage exists only in his head. There is no freedom other than internal. And, if it is, no stamp in the passport will take it away. And if it is not there, this stamp, all the more, will not change anything.

And you understand, I hope, what he's really afraid of: he's afraid of responsibility. For you. And not just afraid, but does not want to take it upon himself. Because the notorious stamp does not change anything in the relationship itself, and even more so in feelings: you lived together and will continue to live, and if you have feelings, official marriage will not strengthen or weaken them. But it will change a lot in terms of responsibility. From now on, a man will have responsibilities that were not there before. He will be obliged to share his property with you. He will be obliged to be responsible for your common children, if they appear. In a civil marriage, of course, he is also obliged to be responsible for the children, but, in which case, he can merge, and you will have to prove that the child is really his. And in marriage, you don't have to. And he understands it. And there are many more moments that a truly loving man takes for granted. A coward does not accept. He does not accept and tries with all his might to avoid official marriage. And I'm ready to bet anything that you, cohabiting with a man, consider yourself his wife.

And he does not consider himself a husband, no. And you must understand this. You must understand that if a man avoids marriage by all means, it means that he is either a coward or a scoundrel. As they say, both are worse.

childbirth

And now we get to the worst part. Not for pregnancy. Not for kids at all. To childbirth. To what you yourself are desperately afraid of. To the point where you really need his help. By the time you need him all, along with all his metaphysical giblets.

I live in the 21st century. I should not lock my wife in a bathhouse with a midwife, but I myself should walk in circles with a pitchfork at the ready, supposedly driving away evil spirits. I should be there. And if I'm scared, I'm not a man.

There is no "mystery of childbirth", and you must understand this. This is a natural physiological process, and there is nothing to worry about. You can google thousands of videos from maternity hospitals in 30 seconds and you can see how everything happens. There is nothing wrong with this. And yes, I want to say terrible: what is natural is not ugly. If your man needs you only in the form of a fairy that poops roses, he doesn’t need you. Yes, childbirth is not a very pleasant process. But if my woman is sick, I will hold her hair and clean the basin after her - although this, I confess, is much more unpleasant than childbirth, in my opinion. If my woman, God forbid, becomes bedridden, I will change her diapers. Why, one wonders, should I be afraid of childbirth while doing this? Actually, she's having my baby. I am his father. What should I be afraid of?

I'll tell you what. Some creatures, for some reason calling themselves men, are afraid for their precious potency. And, which is wild for me, women support them in this: they say, here he will look, and then he will not want me. Oh God!

Young ladies, remember: this does not threaten healthy male potency in any way. Unless, of course, a man has a healthy psyche and he is not a bastard. And I think that if a man refuses partner childbirth, he is still a bastard, yes. Because you will never be more defenseless than in this moment. You can have a great midwife, you can choose the best doctor, you can responsibly prepare for childbirth and not be afraid (but not being afraid is unlikely, of course), but you will never again feel as alone as in childbirth. One of my friends said: “Renal colic is a hundred times more painful than childbirth. And breaking a leg is much more unpleasant. But giving birth is scarier. Because at some point you feel that your body has betrayed you. It's like it's not yours anymore."

It is rare that a gathering in the circle of girlfriends is complete without a discussion of what modern men are cowardly and irresponsible. Psychologist Tatyana Strashuk believes that before labeling, you should understand the reasons for the behavior of your chosen one.

Most recently, he said that you are his only one. And then suddenly disappeared without explanation. Now he hides and does not pick up the phone when you call. And you cry into your friend's vest, in your hearts calling him a coward. And really, why does he not have the courage to admit honestly, looking into his eyes, that he no longer wants to continue the relationship?

You can’t measure men and women with the same yardstick, warns psychologist Tatyana Strashuk. - Often women treat men without understanding how different we are. A woman, like a fish in water, feels herself in the inner "circle". This is family, home, relationships with loved ones. The nature of a man is in external activities: conquest, work, protection, action. For the same reason, a man's emotional sphere is not as developed as a woman's. Most men, even discovering moments of sensitivity in themselves, are afraid of them, considering them not masculine.

Thus, for a woman, emotions are her kingdom, for a man - something dangerous, alarming. This is not their sphere, here they feel like "snakes in a hot frying pan." And if a woman can have intimate conversations with her friends for hours, then for a man such conversations are a moment of extreme, almost intimate openness, vulnerability. And if so, then there is always the danger of "missing a blow." Therefore, it is much easier for a man to prefer action to talk, even if the action is the choice of inaction, that is, avoiding the problem.

Now it’s clear why your chosen one chose to hide instead of sorting things out with you? And indeed, many men admit that it is easier for them to "get in the face" than to be condemned, to feel humiliated, offended. But it is precisely this man who is most afraid of conflict situations.

So many male actions that seem to us to be cowardice and meanness are actually explained by the fear of their own experiences and feelings. Departing from solving problems, a man seems to forget about what worries him. Just because he's hiding and not answering his phone doesn't mean he's being dismissive of you. He hides from himself, and at the same time protects his self-esteem. The fear of one's own experiences, which will certainly arise at the time of a difficult "debriefing" in a relationship, includes such unconscious defense mechanisms in the psyche.

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As soon as your friend got pregnant, her companion shook like an aspen leaf. And then he asked for a time-out and drove away for two weeks to his mother. And the husband of another friend of yours has been wiping his pants for several years in a hateful position, receiving neither moral nor material satisfaction. At the same time, he desperately clings to this place, afraid of losing what he has. And you, at the women's council, put a categorical diagnosis on both poor fellows: a coward, an irresponsible infantile, a sissy.

You may have noticed that different people react differently to danger. Some freeze - fear paralyzes them, others, on the contrary, react quickly, flee. What may seem natural to a woman, such as pregnancy, a man may perceive as a signal of danger. And... run away.

In general, the fear of responsibility is a fairly common phenomenon, especially in our time. And not only in men. Often it stems from a wrong attitude to the very concept of responsibility. In my practice, I have come across the fact that the very word "responsibility" causes fear and rejection in many people. This means that everything that is directly or indirectly connected with responsibility will be reflected by fear until a person realizes that in fact responsibility is what happens to him every moment of his life, whether he wants it or not, he accepts it. it or run from it. Because only the person himself is responsible for his life and everything that happens in it. It is he who receives all the consequences from his actions, thoughts, words.

As long as a person is under the illusion that someone or something outside is responsible for what is happening to him, he will behave infantilely, immaturely towards himself and others. Only the realization that I and only I am the master of my life, the cause and effect of what is happening, allows a person to accept ALL the consequences of his actions.

What are the causes of irresponsible and immature behavior?

♦ A man in the family could be treated like a child for a long time, not trusting him with important matters. Therefore, he is used to the fact that all important decisions are not made by him. In adult life, especially at critical moments, he reacts in a similar way - like a child who is waiting for someone to come and decide everything for him. And lets everything go. After all, he lacks the experience of taking responsibility, faith in himself and his ability to make decisions.

♦ A man subconsciously learned the irresponsible behavior of his father or other significant men in his family.

♦ The boy grew up without a father, and the mother fulfilled the functions of two roles. At the same time, she did not bring up masculine qualities in a child, did not explain male functions and psychological differences between the sexes. Especially if the child at the same time was the "navel of the universe", and he was assigned only the royal role of "sissy". In adulthood, such a man will wait for decisions and actions from a woman, sincerely offended by the demands to be responsible for his words and deeds, not understanding why this is expected of him.

Can a man's behavior be changed?

Knowing the reasons makes it easier to understand the situation, but does not change it, says Tatyana Strashuk. - No one can ever change anyone, remake without personal desire. A person can influence something only through himself, realizing his own mistakes. And here the most important thing is the understanding of the woman herself, that it was such a man that she met for a reason, with something in herself she attracted him into her life. Apparently, some subconscious signals come from her to the outside world, which are consonant with a man of such behavior. If you are treated irresponsibly, they lie to you, then this most likely means that you are doing this to yourself. So, it is possible to change this situation by researching: WHAT IN ME attracts irresponsible and cowardly men into my life? Our relationship with the world, and especially with men, reflects our relationship with ourselves. After all, the world is a mirror in which everyone sees his own reflection.

Tatyana Koryakina