Love has passed, but this is not a reason for disappointment. When love has not passed after many years. What steps to take
It is no longer a secret to anyone that in the modern world, any feelings arise between a man and a woman, except for love itself. For simplicity, they are now simply called relationships based on no matter what - whether it be sympathy, respect, or on a business, pragmatic basis. These so-called relationships are repeated, not love. The very fact of the existence of any relationship between a man and a woman cannot be automatically defined as love. A normal person will not call love a neutral, meaningless word of a relationship. Is it difficult to call friendship between a man and a woman friendship, sex - sex, love - love. These same relationships can be repeated indefinitely, if the bearers of these relationships of strength and desire to continue them would remain. What these repetitive relationships have to do (what a lexical pun) to love is not clear. Relationships can only be given a qualitative assessment, depending on the emotional and sensual richness. It's no secret that in a relationship there can be no feelings other than calculation or ordinary sexual attraction. For example, relationship habits typically develop after a third marriage or relationship. If the first two relationships were still inherent, though not love, but some kind of romance, purity and sublimity of feelings, then in subsequent relationships everything turns into a routine, into a quasi-relationship. The feeling of novelty, originality of sensations, trembling and tenderness, characteristic of the first relationship, completely disappears. After two or three failed love relationships, people seek more salvation from loneliness than love. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are characteristic of subtle artistic natures, distinguished by the ability to play at love, to invent for themselves something that does not exist. For those who are ready to try their luck in a second and third marriage, the feeling of falling in love is not yet completely lost, they still have a secret hope for a miracle, for the opportunity to find their half, the one or the only one that will belong to you and only you in soul and body. . It seems to many that in a new relationship they will find the one that they were looking for and did not find in their previous relationship, but such hopes turn out to be futile, and young people step on the same “rake”, called “characters did not agree” or “we are different ". However, after three unsuccessful marriages, the last hope of finding love dies, leaving only disappointments and lost illusions about happiness in personal life. People can continue to change partners, hoping to meet love in a new relationship, but instead of them, at best, they can find a roommate who agrees to brighten up your loneliness. Such relationships will be like travelers who are tired of looking for love and decide to be content with what they have - partnerships. Perhaps this will not be what they were looking for - not love. But it's still better than being alone. A natural ending for people for whom marriage is not based on love, but on relationships that "come and go." Which is quite natural, for that they are relationships, so that they come and go. It's "only love doesn't go away, no"
Why do people who consider themselves close and dear, over time, begin to cool off towards each other and become strangers? Is it true that love gradually ends, and instead of it comes disappointment, resentment and emptiness? Here you need to understand that a great and pure feeling develops according to its own laws and has three important stages.
Rice. Why does love pass?
Stages of love
The first stage is characterized by intense love. Its distinguishing features are an extraordinary spiritual uplift and an aura of romance. At the same time, partners try to show each other only the best sides of their characters. However, gradually the relationship matures, and the turn of the second stage comes.
It is characterized by a decline in the romantic state. At the same time, the partners, as it were, throw off their festive clothes and appear before each other in their usual form. And here it turns out that the object of love and worship is not at all an ideal. This is an ordinary person with his own shortcomings, habits and claims.
The next stage is the most interesting. It characterizes the psychological maturity of a once in love couple. Self-sufficient and serious people begin to treat each other objectively and impartially. Some maintain relationships and live together for many years. And others become like capricious children. They begin to make claims and complain that their expectations were deceived. As a result, such couples break up, and nothing can reunite them again.
There is a French film. It is called - "Love lives for three years." The name is very accurate, since according to statistics, the largest number of divorces is recorded in the first four years of family life. The data is sad, and all because the partners cannot cope with the third stage of the relationship and break up.
Love does not pass, it transforms and acquires more and more new qualities.
Such people do not understand that love does not disappear at all. It just takes on different forms and different content. It is no longer necessary for a man and a woman to constantly look at each other tenderly, which is characteristic of the early love stage. But they have a common life, they coexist side by side, run a joint household. At the same time, love relationships move to a higher and more subtle level. This means that a loved one is perceived with all its advantages and disadvantages. As a result, absolute trust arises, and such couples live together all their lives.
However, few can boast of such a relationship. Most couples painfully perceive the change of love stages. They are seen as unexpected, and the natural transformation of a love affair is misunderstood as alienation. A woman thinks that since there is no former passion in the eyes of a partner, then she has become boring and tired of him. And the man is more and more drawn to do current affairs, since you can’t always admire your partner. It all ends with mutual reproaches and claims.
At the same time, it should be noted that, in practice, . In other words, a harmonious family is possible. You just need to understand that each partner is not responsible for half, as is usually believed, but completely 100%. After all, from how everyone behaves, complete family success is formed.
In such situations, people who are disappointed in each other are usually helped by psychotherapists. But it is possible to reanimate outgoing love without bottom. It all depends on the desire and maturity of the man and woman. They just have to understand that love does not pass, but acquires a completely different quality and appearance. This is all its charm, depth and power!
You are surrounded by extraordinary people, but do you always notice it? Do you see their purity, aspiration, kindness? They love you, but they don't realize their love. They love life, the world, the whole universe, but they do not understand their relationship. They expect emotional love from themselves, violent manifestations, vivid experiences, but when all this is not there, they think that they do not know how to love. And people who react violently, amorous, suffer from excessive emotions and also believe that they do not know how to love. Some want to learn how to show emotions, while others want to hide them. How to be? Where is love, and what should it be?
Love is in one and the other case. She is different. Love is many-sided, infinitely varied, fantastically beautiful and surprisingly quiet. She is bright and modest, calm and quarrelsome, compliant and persistent.
When experiences are absent, the heart opens to love. But when the heart is preoccupied, love is clouded and hidden behind clouds of experiences, passions, suspicions, fears. It is always there, but not always visible. You yourself hide it under a pile of thoughts, including under your convictions that you cannot love.
Believe that love never ends! She doesn't leave or come. She is!
You know you don't love, but this knowledge is an ignorant idea of yourself, it is a delusion about your own nature.
Your true essence is love, and everything else is the darkness of consciousness, views on yourself, the opinion of the ego about yourself. What does it know? This burden should not be carried! Drop ignorant thoughts, stop the deceitful mind!
The love of the Brotherhood is with you! If you do not feel - it does not matter, if you do not know - you will find out!
Think about whether your feelings are suitable in order to determine the true? Is it possible to trust the eyes and ears, and even more so the uncontrollable mind?
Love as you can, but check yourself for the purity of intentions. When there is peace inside, love shines and shines, when there is no peace, there are some ideas about how everything should be, and this is nothing but an illusion.
Love does not pass because it does not begin. There is a beginning and an end to your opinions and views on what is happening, and love has been and will be untainted by your ideas about it.
Love is not big or small. All this is your thoughts, your running mind and imperfection.
Throw off the burden of knowledge about yourself - the world of pure and eternal love will open to you. And that is you, your true nature!
A man of the golden tribe, our brother! Everything is given to you, everything is open! Do it, do it, love it! You are strengthened in faith, the veil of the remaining obsessions is removed from you. You help yourself in our name. And you, in the name of eternity, God, open in Yourself, help another and strengthen him in true love!
What is there must be discovered! Open yourself to the Truth and become it!
Calm your soul! Why bother needlessly? Everyone has their own hour of transformation, their own moment of ascension, their own space for the love that has opened! Don't miss out, trust me! You will not pass by when your hour has struck. No matter how you close your eyes, you will see the right thing, no matter how burdened the heart is, it will begin to see clearly. It is impossible to hide from the Divine eye and not hear His voice!
Our call is the call of the true, ever-living God!
And He is in you, and He is your crystal clear heart, transparent soul, Love is what it is!
You go to Yourself and open Yourself. You get rid of ignorance and see clearly for the Truth. We are your support, your hope, your strength! We are your soul, the unity of all loving souls! Our hands intertwined with yours, our hearts united, and the Cathedral soul shone!
Russians, you are invincible!
Recognize yourself in everyone. There is no one who would be separate from you or who would be your opposite, as is commonly believed. You contain everything, much of what you like or dislike is invested in you. In certain circumstances, certain traits appear. And it's all you. Therefore, you just have to accept yourself as everyone, without judgments and opinions.
When you accept yourself and others as yourself, as part of you, you will no longer experience separation. You will combine all the parts in yourself and become whole. How to do it? It happens in consciousness, in thoughts. Get rid of thoughts about a divided existence, from existing ideas about the qualities of character, about emotions, about behavior. See others as yourself.
We are all one big family. We are gathered together, that's why we are conciliar!
Russian soul! Do you hear the call from your true home? Are you aware of the direction of your path and your goal? Don't deviate, don't linger! The One Soul has called - do it according to Her will! This is your will, for there is no other.
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When love has not passed after many years ... What steps to take?
Question
Hello Santosh!
Please advise what should I do? I love my classmate from my youth, and we had a very difficult relationship: at first he was painfully in love with me, then this feeling arose in me, but because of various kinds of complexes, I was frightened and pushed him away with resentment, while I myself was tormented by this feeling losses. We parted after school, but could not forget him, and two years later I found him. There were stormy platonic meetings, then a long correspondence and rare dates - he was drafted into the army. I won’t bore you with further details of the relationship - joyful and dramatic at the same time, but in the end we broke up, because, as he said, everything was over with him and there is another (I subconsciously felt her presence all the time during these years, but nothing specifically knew). My feelings for him did not fade away and pursued all my life: a few years after the breakup, I tried to see him again, I constantly had dreams about him, and all the episodes of our relationship, starting from school years, are still alive and fresh in my memory. Finally, even now, after so many years, unable to suffer anymore, I found him through the Internet. He has a family, he already has grandchildren - and he did not refuse to communicate with me. There is a strong impression that he is oppressed in family life. He answered me with a letter of repentance, repenting of many of his mistakes (without details), but at the same time he said that nothing could be changed. And I can't deal with it! I even began to write poetry, which was not the case with me even in my youth - the feelings are so unbearable and painful, I want him to be with me so much! And I understand that it is absurd already at our age to feel so that it is impossible to touch his well-established, albeit unsuccessful, life - but I can’t help myself. Terribly sorry for him when he said that he did not know how it is to be happy! He suffered a lot in childhood, and I always wanted to compensate him for his torment with my attention, love, understanding and support! What to do? Is it all so hopeless and hopeless?
Natalya, 65, Israel, Migdal HaEmek
Answer
Good afternoon, Ms. Natalia!
You are doing everything right, your feelings are absolutely correct. Start texting in a friendly way, the time will come when you will meet and maybe you will live together.
In a friendly way, be sure to make the meeting take place, touch him, hug him, drink tea with him, if he cannot sleep, eat, etc., you will be together, believe me. Watch the documentary "Secrets of Love", the feature "Letters from Juliet", in them you will find answers or confirmation of your feelings and actions.
Be consistent in your steps, he may not be ready to plunge into love right away. When you meet, the relationship will either end very gently and you will let go of each other with love in your heart, or an event will occur that will bring a lot into the lives of both of you. Development, if there is, it will definitely be.
Main- agree with yourself in advance that everything can be, I will remain strong in any scenario and I will be able to wish happiness to my loved one, even if we are not together, and I will definitely be able to explain to him so that he also remains free from guilt towards himself and to you.
Free each other, no matter what happens and no matter how events unfold. When there is an agreement with oneself in advance, then the worst option will be a happy outcome, and life will surely fill in all the gaps and voids.
Sincerely,
Santosh Tumadin
practicing psychologist
