My child became nervous and naughty. What to do? Naughty children. What to do if the child is nervous and naughty

How do we usually approach the problem child? We are trying to find a successful model of education in our environment. “My child at the age of 3 does not obey, he is on his ears, no one has authority for him. And the neighbor has a two-year-old baby - now he is perfect, obedient. Maybe take a closer look at how she behaves with him, how she educates, and learn from experience? Take your time - you can make a mistake here.

Baby ... For the sake of this tiny, dear little man, my mother is ready to sacrifice her life. I want to give the child all the best, to teach everything so that his fate develops successfully and happily. But things are not always smooth on this path. Sometimes hands fall helplessly. The child is naughty, he is completely uncontrollable and does not hear you - what should I do?

This article is for you if:

whims, stubbornness, tantrums or ignoring parents for a child are not uncommon;
there is no longer the strength to exist in the mode of eternal shouts;
nerves are constantly on edge, and when you break down, you are tormented by a feeling of guilt;
one "age crisis" smoothly flows into another, and there is no end in sight;
there is a whole "talmud" in my head from the advice of a psychologist, girlfriends and grandmothers - but there is no result.

With the help of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, we will figure out how to achieve obedience in children and establish calm, trusting relationships with them.

Age crises: wait or act?

Often, problem behavior in children is associated with a difficult transition period in childhood:

? - Apparently, the crisis of three years is already beginning.
? - Obviously, the crisis dragged on.

But while we calm ourselves, precious time is running out, and the problems are only getting stronger. Already in and "crazy" - how will he study at school? How can you build relationships with people?

The development of the psyche of the baby really goes through certain age boundaries. But this does not mean at all that parents will have to “sit on Corvalol” until the age of their beloved child. Crisis periods can be turned into a springboard for taking off to new heights in the development of the child. And at the same time, the relationship between the baby and parents will become closer and warmer. You can start with simple steps.

Step 1. Choose the optimal parenting model

Parenting methods that work great for the neighbor's kid may be useless and even destructive for your child. Let's look at examples:

The baby is given the properties of the skin vector. He is fast, agile, agile. Rational and pragmatic: looking for the benefit and benefit for himself in everything. This is a natural getter: it drags toys into the house from everywhere. He likes to compete and compete, to be the first in everything. The naughty behavior of such children is expressed in the fact that they "stand on their ears", scatter everything, do not seek to learn and obey. If you have the so-called, it is important to know the correct approach to it.

The motivation for him may be a desired purchase or a trip to a new, interesting place. A skin child must clearly understand “what will happen to him” if he fulfills your request. For example, like this: “If you quickly put the toys away now, then we will have time not only to go to the store, but also to get to the playground.” But shouting and trying to shame just won't work.

An effective punishment for disobedience for such a kid is a restriction in space (for example, isolation in his room) and in time (cancel or reduce the time of watching a cartoon, playing with gadgets, etc.). But hitting and spanking is absolutely impossible. The hypersensitive skin of such a child experiences severe stress. To extinguish the pain, opiates (endorphins) are released, from which the child eventually dies. And then already, without understanding why, he simply “runs into a belt”.

The baby is given the properties of the anal vector. He is a slow "kopush", a little clumsy, unsportsmanlike. You can’t drag him to run and jump - he’s much more willing to sit on the couch with a gadget. His talent is a systematic and analytical mindset. Therefore, he is determined to do everything slowly, scrupulously, paying attention to details.

It will not be possible to motivate such a child with gifts and trips - they do not have such significance for him. But he really needs the approval and praise of his parents. His natural desire is obedience, he wants to be the best son and student. Do everything perfectly and get high marks.

But such a baby can become. In his case, it is a stubborn, arguing for any reason. Why is this happening? This happens when his unhurried rhythm of life runs counter to his mother's - fast, active and mobile. For example, a child is constantly urged, hurried, pulled. He reacts to this with even stronger braking -.

To change this situation - give the baby more time to complete any task. Support his desire to do something not quickly, but qualitatively. Be sure to praise for the excellent result. If you have to go somewhere, it is better to warn the child in advance. Sudden changes are stressful for him, he needs to prepare, tune in, finish the business he is currently busy with.

The kid is the owner of the visual vector. Emotional, impressionable, "tears are close." At the same time very shy, prone to fear - and empathy. It takes pity on bugs and spiders, saves ladybugs from the rain. Potentially, he can grow up as a major cultural figure or realize himself in the humanistic professions of a doctor, educator.

If such a child does not obey, this is expressed in him in tears. The fact is that the baby simply does not yet know how to cope with that huge emotional range that is given to a visual person from birth. Education of feelings can help here - through compassion.

And by the age of six or seven, it is already possible to involve such a child in all possible assistance to the weak. Help an elderly neighbor, visit a sick friend. When a child realizes his emotions in empathy with others, tantrums and fears go away.

The kid is the carrier of the sound vector. Low-emotional introvert, immersed in his thoughts. For fast and active parents, this may raise doubts: is everything all right with the child? For example, a sound child of 3 years old does not obey. What if he may not even come to the call, ignore requests? It seems that he is “thinking hard” - not immediately, with a delay in answering. It may even start talking later than other children. Often tends to be alone, isolated from the noisy children's company. It happens that you won’t be interested in anything at all, except for “gadgets”. How to be?

In fact, such a child is given not at all a low, but, on the contrary, the highest potential of abstract intelligence. His thought process has great depth. A great scientist may well grow out of such a child. For this, it is necessary to create the necessary conditions.

First of all, it is sound ecology. The especially sensitive ear of a child reacts with strong stress to noise, screams, loud music. Create an atmosphere of silence in your home. Classical music is useful - in a quiet background so that the child listens. Talking to him is also worth it in low tones, softly, clearly and distinctly. Avoid idle talk and too expressive, emotional presentation.

Modern children are carriers of 3-4 or more vectors out of eight possible. To build an accurate model of education, you need to take into account the properties of each of them.

To comprehend this science is not at all difficult - it is successfully used by thousands of parents around the world. They are happy to share how easy it becomes to communicate with the child. From constant warfare and strength testing, their parenthood has become a source of great joy:

Training "System-Vector Psychology" not only helps to understand the child's soul and find the keys to it. He gives a whole system of recommendations with the help of which the parental word for the child becomes important and meaningful. Let's reveal some of these secrets.

Step 2. Make the parent word meaningful

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

Download:

Preview:

Causes of child disobedience

The reasons for persistent disobedience of the child should be sought in the depths of his psyche. It seems on the surface that he "simply does not obey", "simply does not want to understand", but in fact the reason is different. And, as a rule, it is emotional, not rational. Moreover, it is not realized by either the adult or the child himself.

Psychologists have identified four main causes of serious behavioral disorders in children.

First - fight for attention.If the child does not receive the right amount of attention, which he needs so much for normal development and emotional well-being, then he finds a way to get it - disobedience. Adults keep pouring out remarks... It cannot be said that this is very pleasant, but the attention is nevertheless received. It's better than none.

The second reason - struggle for self-assertionagainst excessive parental authority and guardianship. The famous demand "I myself" of a two-year-old baby persists throughout childhood, becoming especially aggravated in adolescents. Children are very sensitive to the infringement of this desire. But it becomes especially difficult for them when they are communicated with, mainly in the form of instructions, remarks and fears. Adults believe that this is how they instill in children the right habits, accustom them to order, prevent mistakes, and generally educate them.

It is necessary, but the question is HOW to do it. If remarks and advice are too frequent, orders and criticism are too harsh, and fears are too exaggerated, then the child begins to rebel. The teacher is faced with stubbornness, self-will, actions in defiance. The meaning of such behavior for the child is to defend the right to decide his own affairs, and, in general, to show that he is a person. And it does not matter that his decision is sometimes not very successful, even erroneous. But it is its own, and this is the main thing!

The third reason is desire for revenge.Children are often offended by adults. The reasons can be very different: the teacher is more attentive to the excellent students, the parents are more attentive to the younger, the parents divorce, the child was excommunicated from the family (put in the hospital, sent to the grandmother), the parents constantly quarrel, the teacher constantly makes unfair remarks, etc.

There are many and isolated reasons for resentment: an unfulfilled promise, a sharp remark, an unfair punishment ...

And again, in the depths of his soul, the child experiences and even suffers, but on the surface - all the same protests, disobedience, poor progress. The meaning of "bad" behavior in this case can be expressed as follows: "You did me bad - let it be bad for you too! .."

Finally, the fourth reason -loss of faith in one's own success.It may happen that a child experiences his trouble in one area of life, and his failures occur in a completely different one. For example, a boy may not develop relationships in the classroom, and the result will be neglected studies; otherwise, failure at school may lead to defiant behavior at home, and so on.

Conclusion: Teacher:

And then you need to understand what to think in terms of “why?” or "for what?" - it's a dead end. You need to think in the category of "why?" Why did I have such a child? Asking a question from this angle, you can understand a lot about yourself, and about your environment, and in general about the life that surrounds your mother. If the question is "why?" is a question about the past, then the question “why?” is a question about the present.

So, mom asks the question “Why did I have such a child?”. Here, probably, it should be approximately voiced, but why do we have children at all. There are a lot of theories answering this question, and everyone is free to choose any to their taste and color. One is close to me. To be honest, I don’t remember where and when I found out about this, but the longer I live, the more obvious it is to me. Children come to us so that we can learn and change ourselves. For many people, the birth of a child changes their lives. Of course, a different status, a different responsibility, everything is different. The life of the family is changing, its rhythm and fullness. They are no longer two, but three or even more. Young parents begin to evaluate their parents in a completely different way, what they gave to their now grown children, when you experience in your own skin what parental work is. People discover new qualities in themselves. Life is filled with new colors and moms and dads are building their future lives already taking into account new discoveries.

Very often, young mothers complain that they cannot find a common language with their child. At the same time, everyone compares an already grown up baby with a newly born baby and envy those mothers who, not knowing worries and problems, calmly raise their children. However, such a comparison is stupid, because a certain age is also characterized by its own habits, so it is necessary to learn to distinguish between the child’s ordinary activity and the developing “problem”. In relation to naughty kids, the expression "difficult children" is most often used. They may not listen to their parents at all, be too independent, harmful, stubborn, but do not forget that these are just kids. With the right upbringing, even difficult children become the most ordinary, quiet, affectionate and loving babies.

Problems of this nature most often occur in young parents who are just learning to raise their first child. The slightest mistake, and the baby is already starting to behave badly. And in this situation, we can say that it is the parent, and not the child, who is primarily to blame. We must always remember that it is our communication with children that can cause both positive and negative results. It is quite natural that the baby, who constantly hears only the cry of his own mother, sooner or later becomes indifferent to him. As a result, a teenager embittered at all grows up from a normal baby, who in the future will raise his children in the same way. Therefore, difficult children are nothing but the result of improper parenting.

Let's imagine that your child has stopped listening to you and is doing whatever his heart desires. First of all, you need to understand that raising difficult children is a painstaking and long process, so be patient. What positions are suitable in such a situation, we will describe below. Do not forbid him everything in the world. Such pulling and constant prohibitions only embitter the baby and do not give him freedom. Let him try to draw on the wall - it will be easy to erase it, but he will see that he was allowed to do it. In the future, you just need to explain to the child that you can draw on paper, and the walls should be clean. By repeating this several times without screaming, you will see the result in a few weeks. Don't scold him in front of everyone. It affects your child too much and creates a number of complexes. If the kid did something out of the ordinary, it’s better to quietly tell him that you can’t do this than to break out into an angry tirade for half an hour. Never hit a child. This approach is immoral. Do not protect him from everything in the world. Very often, a mother tries to protect her child from any problems. It is advisable to do this when the child is still very small, but the grown-up baby needs to make some stupid things and mistakes. This is an experience that will definitely come in handy in the future. Giving a child detailed instructions for each action, you run the risk of raising a person who is not able to make independent decisions. Difficult children are very quickly re-educated, if everything is done correctly. Let your child feel your care (but not excessive), and then everything will be fine and hassle-free.

Teacher: - I suggest you listen to children's compositions about their parents, about how the family spends the weekend. I read all the essays without naming names. And then I will distribute it to each one personally. Why I read aloud, I explain. All families are different, listen to how they arrange the weekend, what do the children think. A lot of children's sayings will help, I hope someone correct their mistakes. And someone will recognize himself and draw a conclusion.

Teacher: - And now the presentation of children's drawings. Children drew joint activities with their parents. See how all the drawings are different and interesting.

Despite the fact that some parents punish children, children in their writings and drawings only noted the good, thereby showing their love for their parents. Be more attentive to your kids, find time for joint games, going to the cinema and nature, create family traditions, they will not only strengthen relationships with children, but also unite the whole family. Start with yourself, the most interesting thing here is that by changing yourself, any person changes his reality through this, and close people change with it. The kid here acts like a litmus test, he broadcasts to his parents with his behavior, state of health, what is the inner and outer world of his parents. Of course, one can recall numerous examples when wonderful children are born to not very good people and vice versa. But I like my theory, the person in it is an active creator, and not a passive martyr and sufferer.

Remember, the child only needs help - and in no case in criticism and punishment.

Many protracted conflicts between parents and children often stem from the mistakes of upbringing and its various excesses. Everyone is familiar with the situation when disobedient child openly challenges, insisting on his desires and completely ignoring all instructions, exhortations, requests and persuasion ... Why is this happening? Is it possible to avoid such an unpleasant phenomenon as child's stubbornness and his refusal to obey?

Once a wise man was approached by young parents of a three-day-old baby. They asked at what age they should start educating their child. The answer was succinct:

You are three days late!

When does education start?

Of course, education comes from birth, and one must also take into account the psychological environment in which the mother's pregnancy proceeded, whether she was desired, with what mood they were waiting for the birth of the child.

Education begins where the love of parents for the baby is born. It does not come down to a list of strict rules and prohibitions, most often causing child's stubbornness and disobedience.
This is something more than what parents learn all their lives, sometimes from their mistakes. It is not enough to receive an appropriate education, even if it is psychological or pedagogical - first of all you need to feel the soul of the child well and love him, regardless of his behavior.

In one family, a mother scolded her five-year-old daughter for something. The girl burst into tears: “Mom! I’m good…well, tell me I’m good!”

Children are in dire need of a positive perception of their loved ones. Then it is easier for them to correct their behavior. Parents need to tell their child: “I love you very much, you are good to me, but I don’t like this (specific) behavior. Let's not do that...

How to deal with the child: “I don’t want to!”?

In everyday life, many conflict situations arise when the points of view of parents and children are diametrically opposed, their interests lie on different planes, and both sides insist on subordinating one to the other:

Child doesn't want to go to sleep. The hands of the clock have long since crossed the deadline for “lights out”. The parent repeats: “Time to sleep!” in different variations, and the intonation changes from ordinary calm to a formidable shout, and he is deaf to his words and enthusiastically goes about his business. Discontent is growing, doubts about their own parental authority begin.

Or repeated trying to feed son or daughter with semolina (oatmeal / buckwheat / millet) porridge, which ends with a promising: “You will not go anywhere until you eat this.” The child defiantly turns away and tries to evade. Outcome: porridge is not eaten, the parent drinks valerian.

And here's the situation: mom dissatisfied with the mess in the nursery and asks her daughter to clean up after herself. She agrees, but continues to go about her business. Mom just said to clean it up once, repeated the request a second time, and ordered a third time in a harsher tone. No result. Soon the guests, her patience ends and she begins to scold her daughter. The result: a crying child, a mess, a spoiled mood, and it’s embarrassing in front of the guests.

Is there a means of "taming the shrew"?

How to get out of these “fights” with dignity? Is it possible to achieve the obedience of your son or daughter without resorting to extreme means? It is not possible, but even necessary!

There is a simple and universal remedy that Jesus Christ gives us:

“In everything you want people to do to you, do to them the same way.”

"Don't annoy your children."

How does this apply to our situation?

Very simple.

Before you ask your son or daughter for something, put yourself in their shoes. How would you yourself perceive this request, would you willingly fulfill it, taking into account what you are currently doing?

Look at the situation through the eyes of a child: he is absorbed in an interesting activity, for example, gluing paper, cutting something out with scissors. Suddenly he hears: “Go to sleep!” Class is in full swing, he can no longer stop and drop everything halfway. He wants to play. And he was rudely interrupted, and they didn’t even ask what he was going to do with this paper next. Not fair! And the child pulls to the last. With an increase in the parental voice, the internal resistance of the child increases in parallel, turning into stubbornness. And that's it. The conflict is guaranteed.

Even if your son or daughter obeys, inside they will be very offended by you. After all, you yourself are unpleasant when, for example, you are distracted from an interesting telephone conversation or cooking in the kitchen. You feel angry with this person, there may even be dissatisfaction in your soul - and the child also experiences similar feelings. Only children still do not know how to control their feelings, they are impulsive and often everything they experience spills out.

So, you saw everything through the eyes of a baby. Sit next to him, take an interest in his business, Praise him for doing it successfully.

Then tell me it's time for bed and offer to help him clean up the toys. If he answers: “I don’t want to sleep!”, do not insist. Ask him a question:“Do you want to play some more?” Most likely he will answer: “Yes!”. Then offer him an alternative: "Okay, you can play a little more, and then we'll go to bed and read our favorite book." Those. you give him an attractive perspective that will help him quickly complete the previous case for the next.

So, let's summarize what we need to know in order to achieve obedience in a child:

Put yourself in the place of your son or daughter, feel the situation.
Find out the true desires of the child.
Offer an attractive alternative for him, while allowing him to finish the job (if necessary, help).

In a conflict, it is very important not to cross the line in time, beyond which you will not be able to manage your naughty child without tears and tantrums. In no case do not use bribery, do not offer him something material in exchange for good behavior (candy, a new toy, etc.). Be consistent in your line of behavior so that the baby is confident in yourself and can rely on your words.

And in conclusion, I want to repeat once again: love your child, regardless of behavior.

How do you deal with a disobedient child? I'm waiting for your comments

The expressions "obedient child" and "good child" are often used interchangeably by many. But in vain, especially since, alas, only not quite healthy children are absolutely obedient. Although no one argues that a child who obeys from the first word (or even better if he immediately reacts to an adult's displeasedly raised eyebrow) is very convenient. But is such “silkness” good for children? Hardly.

Undoubtedly, there are situations when parents without further ado. There should be few of them, 2-3, and it would be nice if a child from 3-4 years old clearly understands where and how he is obliged to obey immediately. These are first of all things related to the safety of life.

you can’t play near the roadway and even more so run out onto it,
you can’t go for a walk in golfs and sandals in winter, etc.
You can't take medicine without permission.

Parents should explain their strictness in observing these rules calmly and intelligibly.

Advice! Play the situation with toys or in drawings so that the child learns better that the parents set the mandatory rules not out of harm, but for his good. In general, thoughtful, caring and loving parents should know the reasons for the disobedience of their kids.

5 Reasons Your Child Is Disobedient

1. Fight for the attention of older family members. By his disobedience, the child wants to get more of their attention, which is so necessary for him for normal development and well-being. After all, it is precisely because of his “blows” that the elders (and, first of all, parents) break away from their affairs every now and then, remembering his existence ...

What to do? In this situation, for adults, the main thing is to restrain the emerging irritation, and even more so anger. And, of course, if there is clearly a struggle for attention, elders should begin to give such a child "positive attention", that is, attention that is not associated with a reaction to bad behavior. How? Best of all, coming up with some joint activities, games, recovering with a child for a walk in the park, in the yard, on the playground ...

2. The desire of the child to assert himself. So children protest against excessive parental care. It is especially difficult for them when adults communicate with them mainly in the form of remarks, instructions, and even more so threats. And many of them begin to rebel against this "style of communication", responding with stubbornness, defiant actions. Such behavior of the child is determined by his desire and desire to defend the right to decide his own affairs, to show that he is a person.

What to do? In such cases, parents need to pay attention to their own feelings and their behavior. And if the source of the child’s disobedience is his struggle for self-affirmation, then, on the contrary, you should reduce your involvement in the child’s affairs, giving him the opportunity to at least somehow accumulate the experience of his own decisions and even failures (of course, this applies more to children already over the age of 2 years). And if the child is not yet able to cope with something on his own, you can’t criticize and scold him - it’s better to find any reason to praise him, to celebrate even his smallest success. At the same time, you should tactfully, carefully secure it, eliminating serious failures.

3. Desire for revenge. For example, a naughty child wants to take revenge for the fact that one of the parents or elders offended him with a harsh remark or unfair punishment. The deep meaning of his bad behavior is: “You did me bad, let it be bad for you too!”

What to do? In these cases, you should change your attitude towards the child, become more tolerant, more affectionate, in no case taking out your irritation on him. It is necessary to find interesting (best of all joint) activities in order to switch his attention from the psychotraumatic situation that has arisen.

4. Loss of faith in yourself, in your own success. This reason for disobedience is most often manifested in older children (after 3 years). Constant criticism of them for mistakes and failures leads to the fact that children lose self-confidence, they begin to develop low self-esteem. And therefore, instead of “correcting”, showing that they are “suitable for something”, such children give up and begin to show with all their behavior that they do not care what their elders think of them.

What to do? In such cases, parents need to show special patience and wisdom in order to rebuild the child’s attitude towards himself and breathe into him faith in his own strengths and capabilities, without resorting to tantrums, offending prodding, and even more so to physical punishment. It is necessary to place him in a situation of success, that is, let him manifest himself in the business that he has always done well (for example, building from Lego, weaving from rubber bands, drawing on asphalt, etc.). And then the baby will calm down internally.

5. Syndrome of hyperactivity. This is a neurological-behavioral developmental disorder, not just "bad behavior". A child who is naturally overactive cannot concentrate on anything (due to a lack of attention), he is often impulsive, his mood often fluctuates, he is in constant motion, and finally exhausted, he begins to cry and "hysteria". It is very difficult to put him to sleep, and if he sleeps, then restlessly, in fits and starts. Such a child is usually simply uncontrollable, he does not respond to restrictions or prohibitions, and behaves this way in any conditions (at home, in kindergarten, on the playground, in a store, in a clinic). He often provokes conflicts without controlling his aggressiveness, pushes, bites, fights, using any improvised means (stones, sticks, toys, bottles ...). "Hyperactive" is easy enough to identify by the way he talks a lot and quickly, swallowing words, not listening, interrupting, asking a lot of questions and rarely listening to answers.

What to do? These children need specialized help. Even the most caring and patient parents will not be able to cope with the manifestations of such a disorder. So it is advisable not to turn a blind eye to the obvious signs of hyperactivity syndrome, so as not to start the situation later.

On the Benefits of Disobeying a Child

Disobedience is inherent in most children who gradually enter the world of adults "by trial and error." Yes, this is a burden to a considerable number of parents; Yes, many people dream of having "perfectly obedient" children. It’s just that “too correct” kids, being afraid or not being able to express negative emotions, accumulate them in themselves, and this can lead to various diseases (not only nervous ones). In addition, let's not forget about the dangers of the surrounding world. Let's say a kid who is used to meekly obeying his elders is more likely to get into trouble (answer a stranger, get into a car, go "watch a cat or a rabbit", etc.). Whereas a child who has the experience of abandoning his desires, being critical of adults, can avoid such a misfortune. In general, measure is important in everything, including obedience.

Smart and caring parents should remember that even a small child is a person, which means that he has the right to:

Say (at least sometimes) "NO".
Make mistakes.
Not being able or not wanting to do something.
To be different from you or other children.
Show negative emotions.

Almost every parent can complain about their child that he is not obedient. The first attempts to go against the parents are made already in early childhood - at 2, 3, 4, 6 years. We will not unequivocally say that a naughty child is bad in some way, however, it will not occupy the parental side ..

Who is a naughty child?

You must first understand the concepts: what is a naughty child? In the parental understanding of this word, a naughty child is a child who does not listen, does not hear and does not behave in the way the parents want. From a psychological point of view, a naughty child is one who simply takes some decisions and actions not according to the instructions of his parents.

A naughty child is a common problem for many parents. One gets the feeling that the child is doing everything on purpose the other way around, contrary to the parental word. And if he does something, then he does it under pressure, partially and poorly.

A naughty child is the behavior of a baby when he no longer obeys the orders and requests of his parents, begins to take the first steps towards an independent decision on what to do.

Psychologists are not unambiguously negative about the disobedience of children. It should be understood that disobedience is the first attempt to be an independent person, which the child will soon become. Disobedience is the elementary unwillingness of the child to completely obey the instructions of the parents. And parents complain not about the disobedience of their children, but that the kids create problems for them, take up their time, require additional resources that could not be spent if the children did everything as their parents say.

In other words, a child's disobedience is life against the will of the parents, who simply want to save their time, effort and nerves by pointing and forcing the child to act in a certain way. Disobedience is the first attempts to show their independence, to feel like a separate person who herself has the right to decide what to do in each specific situation.

Here, psychologists recommend not to be very strict about the disobedience of children. Of course, it is necessary to control the behavior of the child, to teach him manners and rules of behavior in society. However, you don't have to be strict. Firstly, children have the right to decide something for themselves, make a mistake and feel all the negativity from the decision made. Secondly, parents themselves do not always behave correctly in society. In other words, parents can also be called disobedient towards the whole society. So why are parents allowed and children not?

The simple mechanism of the development of disobedience in children should be understood. A common complaint of parents is the disobedience of their children. Many of them are wondering what they need to do so that the children obey and do not commit unacceptable acts (after all, disobedience is manifested precisely in the fact that some actions are committed that are not approved by the parents). Adults are looking for an answer to their question in the field of shortcomings and characteristics of children, not realizing that all the answers lie in the psychology and behavior of themselves.

Disobedience of children is a parental mistake. The fact is that babies copy the parental behavior that they observe in everyday life. Therefore, if children show some bad deeds, adults should think about whether they are doing the same!

Often, children's disobedience is due to the fact that parents use the wrong approach in their requirements. Adults often resort to an orderly tone, restricting children in their movements, without trying to solve two issues:

What do children find interesting in their activity?
How to interest them in order to switch to more acceptable actions?

Parents tell their children not to do something, forgetting that in return they need to give something else that is interesting and exciting. But when adults give orders, forcing children to “freeze” and sit motionless, so long as they don’t interfere, then over time the kids no longer obey their parents, because they know that nothing interesting will be offered to them in return. Think about how you would feel in those situations when you were ordered not to do what you are interested in and not offered another exciting thing to do?

Disobedience of children is a parental mistake, which consists in not noticing such behavior that kids demonstrate, and demanding to stop doing those things that fascinate them. The solution to this problem is obvious: change your own behavior and the way you communicate with children, making them interested in those games, activities and processes that you approve of.

Naughty children grow up in authoritarian families, where parents do not bother to explain why kids need to do certain actions. Adults simply order, give instructions, sometimes without hearing the requests, entreaties and desires of their children. The child can say that he is ill, hurt or unpleasant, and the parent will not even pay attention to this, in order to at least explain why the baby needs to endure what an adult makes him do.

Thus, disobedience is a consequence of the inattention of parents to the wishes and requests of the children themselves, who, although small, can already understand their needs and desires a little.

Disobedience is:

Copying adult behavior, when the child simply does the same as the parents, who do not notice their bad deeds and do not control them.
The first attempts at independent living, when the baby wants to do as he sees fit.
The lack of attention of parents to the requests and wishes of children, who also begin to become inattentive to the instructions of adults.
The child's desire to fulfill his intention, and not the parent's, when adults still do not explain why he should do as they say, and not as he wants.

Naughty child at 2 years old

At the age of 2, the baby begins to realize himself separate from his parents. If until that time he felt like a part of mom and dad, now he begins to understand his isolation. He begins to make the first attempts to defend his "I", when his voice will also matter.

Here, parents are advised to take a normal attitude towards the disobedience of a child who simply wants to have his rights. They do not need to be controlled and punished. You need to cooperate with him. Parents must gain authority in his eyes so that he listens to their opinion with pleasure. We need to do this not through intimidation, but through building trust and partnerships.

At 2 years old, you can distract the baby from his whims and tantrums with another interesting thing. If you can't agree on something that makes him scream and cry, then distract him with something interesting.

You should not give slack to parents and make continuous concessions to the baby. He is only probing the boundaries of what is permitted and what is not permitted. If the baby is allowed to do everything, then he will sit on his neck. Therefore, parents should not completely abandon the teachings and prohibitions that the baby must adhere to, even if he does not like it. In such a situation, just be indifferent and calm about his hysteria: he will cry and stop!

Naughty child at 3 years old

Three years of age is a continuation of the previous year and the formation of character. The kid is no longer just probing the boundaries and trying to defend his independence from his parents, but also fighting for power, showing his character, demanding attention, which is lacking. Increasingly, in his speech you can hear the word "no" to any request or order of a parent.

You should be fine with the independence of the child, but all other factors should be skillfully dealt with:

In the absence of proper attention, give a little more to the baby.
When trying to probe boundaries and gain power, you need to show the baby that the parents are the main ones. Disobedience here needs to be strangled in the bud, so that the baby does not even dare to encroach on your power.
When trying to show your character, you should show the consequences of its manifestations, punish, correct behavior, showing the benefits of following new models.

Naughty child at 4 years old

Usually, by the age of 4, disobedience disappears if the parents have done everything right in the previous couple of years. However, some may be faced with the fact that the baby continues to be naughty. What is the reason?

The baby may need parental attention, which should be compensated. Sometimes a baby can copy the behavior of adults, cartoon characters or real people. Here it is necessary to correct the behavior of the child with an authoritarian or partner attitude. Sometimes children continue to show the negative side of their character. If parents fail to eliminate the negative qualities themselves, then you should contact a child psychologist.

For a child at the age of 4, it is necessary to apply the following educational measures:

Don't yell at him.
Do not indulge all his whims.
Praise him, if there is anything for it. Just do not overpraise, so that there is no inflated self-esteem.
Explain to the child the reasons why he should behave differently.
Do not discuss or scold the baby in the presence of other people.

Naughty child at age 6

At the age of 6, disobedience can be a side effect of some factors that occur in a child's life:

He learns to comply with social rules, while satisfying his physical and psychological needs.
He needs respect, which is why he reacts sharply to other manifestations.
He is still learning how to express his emotions correctly.
He cannot yet meet parental expectations, as his potential is slightly lower than required.
He requires care and acceptance of his independence.

Do not forget that the baby is preparing to become a schoolboy, which also imposes certain obligations on him, to which he must get used.

What to do and how to raise a naughty child in the end?

Parents should be calm about disobedience, which is a natural process of personal development. A naughty child is a kid who simply does not want to live by your rules and orders, because he has his own opinion or wants to satisfy his needs. What should parents do? First of all, in order to properly educate him, you need to eliminate the causes that caused disobedience.

It should be understood that from the age of 2-3, the child gradually begins to separate from his parents, realizing his own independence. Here he will clumsily perform actions that will clearly indicate that he wants to do "everything himself." It is better for the baby to encourage and lead partnerships with him, negotiate and cooperate.

When the baby goes to school, his disobedience may be the result of overwork, weakness or inability to quickly get used to the new daily routine and school rules.

Pay more attention to your children, listen and hear them, satisfy some desires that are important for the child.
Help the child in difficult situations.
Do not press or control, but allow kids to sometimes be independent.
Protect them from excessive prohibitions. When a child is not allowed to do everything, he becomes naughty.

If the child wants to do something himself, let him do it. Always correlate your requirements with the age of the baby. Do not demand what he cannot do or is not yet ready to do. Let toddlers express their emotions so they learn to understand and control them. Always being quiet and inconspicuous is also bad.

Parents should remember that they are raising full-fledged members of society. They must make their children independent, healthy, happy and harmonious individuals, and not obedient puppets who are afraid of everything and do not want to do anything.