Relations with foreigners: how everything should be. Love relationship with a foreigner: scary or not so
Nowadays, long distance relationships have become commonplace. It is not only about relationships with a foreigner, where lovers are separated, in addition to kilometers, by borders between countries. Often, due to life circumstances, couples live in different cities, in different parts of the country. The reasons for this, as a rule, are professional prospects, frequent and long business trips, work on a rotational basis, etc.
How to cope with separation from a loved one? Is it possible to keep feelings at a distance?
The disadvantages of long-distance relationships are obvious and do not need additional attention. Instead, we would like to focus on the positive aspects and ways to survive separation from a loved one, make it less painful.
The most important thing to understand is that separation is a temporary stage in a relationship, which means it is not a reason for despair. It is impossible to lead your whole life and at some point the time will come to decide on the next step in the relationship.
The correct position regarding temporary relationships at a distance: from each life situation, you should try to make the best for yourself, the best for the relationship. Separation can be beneficial and positively affect the development of relationships and the self-development of partners. Time spent without a loved one is an occasion to once again think about relationships. Time to get bored, to understand how much you value your man, to think about what is paramount in your relationship, and what are empty little things that do not deserve attention. After all, this is a time for yourself and for self-improvement. Time to do the things you've been putting off for later. Take care of your inner world, for example, start learning a foreign language or read a book for which there was not enough time. Pay attention to caring for your appearance, go in for sports, perhaps change your image. A loved one will appreciate your efforts and desire for self-improvement.
Long distance relationships need certainty. Separation is easier to survive when there is confidence in the future and certainty about a new meeting. Bring this certainty - agree on the date of the next meeting! Knowing the date of a new meeting, it will be easier to wait for it, there will be something to rejoice at and what to strive for. Plan a new meeting with your loved one, this gives additional motivation and allows you to enjoy the anticipation of a long-awaited meeting.
It is easier to survive separation for couples in whose relationship, in addition to physical, there is also intellectual attraction. Such couples share common interests, they are interested in talking with each other, sharing thoughts and impressions. Without free and interesting communication, and in the case of relations with a foreigner, and communication in the same language, it is difficult to survive separation, it is difficult to maintain feelings and interest at a distance. Daily communication creates a sense of unity, helps to feel that you are "living" moments of life together, despite the distance that separates you.
Negative emotions, fears, insecurities, openly shown to a man, will not help to maintain relationships at a distance. Most men think rationally. This also applies to relationships. This feature is most pronounced among the Germans. If a German man does not have the opportunity to change the situation in the near future, then the suffering of his beloved may become a reason for him to think: is it worth continuing this relationship if they bring her so much pain?
Before moving on to the next topic and highlighting the specifics of virtual dating and long-distance relationships, we would like to quote from the work of the Russian writer Alexander Kuprin "Olesya": “Parting for love is the same as the wind for fire: it extinguishes a small love, and inflates a big one even more strongly”. You should treat long-distance relationships as a test for feelings and seriousness of intentions. If a couple could not keep love at a distance, then that was destined to happen. Because the true one will be able to survive a temporary separation and the reward for the couple will be a happy future together.
The specifics of dating foreigners on the Internet
Dating online is very different from dating in real life. If in real life, we can relatively quickly assess a man, his intentions and the possibility of a relationship with him, then for virtual dating this will take time.
Real relationship with a foreigner begins only after a real meeting
Having met an interesting foreigner on an international dating site, you can feel sympathy for him and even catch fire with interest in relationships with him. However, it should be understood that without seeing a man, not knowing him in real life, there is a great danger of idealizing a man and possible relationships with him. In other words, it's easy to "in absentia" fall in love with a dream and endow a man with those qualities that you would like to see in him, but which he does not possess.
"Dating foreigners: how to make a good impression on a man"
What woman doesn't dream of a prince?
And where to meet him if not abroad? Almost any woman believes that by marrying a foreigner, she will solve all the problems associated with everyday life and money. Although it is often forgotten that the standard of living there is much higher than in Russia, not to mention the attitude towards people, different culture and worldview. And when you plunge into it, you understand that nothing can be returned.
Where do you need to start dating?
Now, due to information progress, this is not difficult. Now it is not difficult to find acquaintances with foreigners for free. It is enough to register on the site, which are presented in large numbers on the Internet. Post beautiful photos, describe yourself, talk about your habits, interests, and more.
And gentlemen will start writing to you. And then how lucky. This is how all girls who want to marry a foreigner begin. Try not to waste time on long correspondence, most likely they are not interested in marriage, they will not ask you questions about your life in reality, about your loved ones, where you work and what you do. Such men are more concerned about your appearance and their goal is to spend a pleasant time with a woman, to get a lot of emotions. To avoid long correspondence, you can divide communication into stages, where in the first you correspond on a dating site, which lasts a week or two.
Then go, for example, to Skype, where you will calmly communicate so that you have an emotional connection. And after about a couple of months, bring the conversation to a meeting in reality. If the foreigner is not interested in meeting, stop communicating. And, when your meeting took place, and you decided to move, you will have to face a series of difficulties.
So, what are the important rules you will have to face:
- The language barrier. Even if you are not going to look for work in your husband's territory, without basic knowledge of the language, it will be extremely difficult for you to communicate. And if you have a goal of getting a prestigious job with health insurance, you need to learn the language to perfection. Various countries provide free language courses for immigrants.
- It should also be noted that climate is important. You need to know in what natural conditions you are offered to live. You may experience rainy seasons that last up to eight months or there are no proper roads.
- The issue of nutrition is very important, in Chile, for example, you will have to give up chocolate, they also mix products that, in our opinion, are incompatible. Some eat according to the seasons, as the products go off scale in the off-season. In some countries there is no food familiar to us.
Most countries respect Russian citizens as they are considered educated and their benevolence can be counted on.
Each country has its own rules and regulations, and if you do not know them, this does not relieve you of responsibility. In one country, the social service may take away from you if there is a complaint from a neighbor who heard you raise your voice at him. In another country, the law is strictly in relation to divorce, and the party that created this issue will suffer. She is obliged to pay alimony until the other party arranges her personal life.
Thinking about relationships with foreigners, girls have an idea of how everything should be. On April 1st, known as April Fool's Day (or April Fool's Day), let's imagine what would happen if events happened, "as they should be."
Meeting website
Women believe that it is enough for them to upload any photo and write anything in the profile, and foreigners should flood them with letters, and they will choose.
Therefore, the girls write in the profile such things as “I have a difficult character, it’s not easy with me” and hope that the Prince will knock on them.
For the site, the ladies choose one picture, why fuss there, any one will do. All! Their work is done. It remains only to sort the mail and choose the prince.
If the expected flurry of letters from beautiful strangers with a marriage proposal and a serious relationship does not occur, then something is wrong with the dating site. But, of course, the problem is not in her profile at all. Her profile is perfect!
Free dating site with foreigners - how should it be?
Correspondence
If, nevertheless, someone acceptable wrote, the girls expect that he will immediately start talking about the wedding and the kids and send expensive gifts. And also immediately schedule a meeting in the next couple of weeks.
She does not know what to write, and does not consider it necessary to worry. After all, everything must be done by a man! It should be. After all, he wants a Russian bride. Here, let it work.
Development of a relationship
You and men are lonely because you failed to build a relationship at home in time. Now both you and he have much less opportunities to find a mate, so you ended up on an international dating site. He, as a rule, is not a Don Juan at all and does not know how to woo women. If I had known, I would have already found someone. Therefore, if you want you to have a beloved man who is crazy about you, help him!
These simple relationship steps will help you move your romance forward. In creating a personal fairy tale, you are partners, and not at all the princess in the castle and the prince who came to save her.
If you insist on the position of a princess (“as it should be”), then only an old knight who dreams of a young wife will achieve you. Younger guys are not used to pushing women. Here it is not accepted: yes - yes, no - no. If you do not show interest, it means that you are not interested, he will turn to another.
This is how real relationships with foreigners work. As is, not as “should be”. To think differently is to live every day in the space of April 1st.
If you are ready to prefer reality, not a fairy tale, you will succeed!
As happened with our real couples.
Marina and Kyle, Russia - USA.
Olga and Adam, Russia - USA.
Alena and Barry, Australia.
Elena and Darran, Russia - England.
Tamara and Lothar, Belarus - Germany.
The idea for this article came to my mind after one of the webinars, where most of the girls asked me: how to overcome the fear of meeting a foreigner, and where does this fear come from.
I would compare the fear of being in love with a foreigner with the fear of speaking a foreign language… Perhaps these barriers have something in common.
How to overcome the fear of love with a foreigner? First of all, make sure that you are both on the same page from the very beginning, that you have common goals. This advice is useful for any relationship, but relationships with foreigners are still more financially and emotionally costly.
The idea of a romantic relationship with a person who calls his home a place about 5,000 km away from your home may seem extremely counterintuitive. Imagine that the guy who traveled those 5,000 km to see you might think this way: “why did I even meet her? Am I just temporary?
Therefore, we are determined on the shore, where we both swim. Basically, it takes a lot of talking and heavy doses of cognitive dissonance to make the conversation enjoyable for both parties. Based on my experience, mostly very positive, but, unfortunately, in some cases, and quite traumatic, here is my list of 10 things that are sources of fear of dating foreigners due to wrong attitudes.
1. Remember to set clear expectations
Whether you're looking for a new passport or just want a short fling, make sure you're both looking for the same thing right from the start.
At the first stage, your relationship has an expiration date, so make sure your new boyfriend understands that you can break up at some point and probably forever. If you're open to something long-term, let him know that so he doesn't think you're not ready for the hard work to keep the relationship going if it gets serious.
Even if it seems to you that you are adults and understand everything, just make sure of this and start this conversation as early as possible. If your new love interest is long-term and his is not, discuss your plans so you don't feel any worse later than you did before the relationship.
2. Do not get hung up on one person, make new acquaintances
Especially at the beginning of an "overseas" adventure, you can plummet into a relationship with a new lover and his entourage, discarding all other social ties in his country. In addition, you may end up in a vacuum after you move if you don't bother to develop a social life separate from your man's.
Make sure you have a varied social circle so that if things go wrong, you're not alone and you don't have to make a difficult choice between all your new friends and your ex.
3. Don't stop learning his mother tongue
By learning a language, you get a lot of points in most countries, and this will work especially in your favor when dealing with someone from another country. Even if he speaks perfect English, learning at least a basic level of your man's native language will help the two of you bond and show your genuine interest in the local culture.
Sure, it can be tempting to have a friend who can show you around and speak the local language for you, but at the end of the day, it's just not pretty when his family and other close friends can't speak English. Therefore, the basic level of the language will help to overcome some important cultural and linguistic barriers. Living in any culture, you need to remember that the people around your friend are an integral part of your relationship.
4. Don't exoticize the other person
Remember, we are all human, so try not to get too excited about his accent, the "weird" foods he likes, the words he uses, or the color of his skin and hair. If you pay too much attention to cultural, linguistic, or physical differences, you will create a large gap between you ... Or, even worse: give him the impression that this relationship is more a search for novelty for you than a genuine connection.
5. Don't forget that he, too, can look for the exotic in you.
It may sound cynical, but if you're a long-haired blonde, blue-eyed white-skinned girl, then the reality is that your boyfriend who lives in Kenya or China probably thinks it's damn cool that he "picked up" a foreigner and can parade with her around the city to the envy of others.
In many countries, relationships with a foreigner increase the social status of a person, so it is possible that your appearance, accent, and nationality, which is exotic for his country, play a role in your relationship to some extent.
6. Don't use it as a free guide
See point 3. You don't want someone to use you just because you know English, for example, so think about how you would feel if it were the other way around. Make sure you're in a relationship that both of you care about, not just come to see another country for free, and that you like who your man is as a person, not just his convenience as a guide.
7. Never insult his country
Remember that if he is Greek, he can talk directly about the latest economic crisis in his country. If he is Mexican, he may raise concerns about drug trafficking in Mexico. If a German - joke about German stinginess and pedantry.
However, they are all likely to be offended if a foreigner with a shorter residence time and less knowledge of their country and culture makes critical remarks.
This does not mean that you cannot participate in disputes and learn from each other. But, you must be aware of the fact that you do not know what might offend your partner, and you yourself do not want him to be overconfident when talking about acute problems in your country after a relatively short visit.
8. Don't fall into "context relationships"
It also looks quite cynical (until you see it first hand), but if you have a relationship with a guy from a Namibian village who studies with you, then it is more than likely that his interest in you arose due to isolation and foreignness for him of your area, and a limited number of people he knows. And even if he offers to take you with him, then your romance in his homeland will be doomed due to cultural and national contradictions between you.
Thus, relationships that arose at that time and were unique and valuable in that environment very often do not need to be transferred beyond a specific place and time. It is better to leave them as a sweet memory than to try to continue them in a fundamentally new situation far from the roots that contributed to their initial growth.
9. Don't keep him after you've decided to leave.
If you have no real intention of turning your romance into a long-term relationship, then it's best to part as good friends. You don't need to fly all over the world Skype calling and putting real emotional energy into a relationship that doesn't promise anything meaningful now or in the future.
10. Be realistic in your relationship
If you are sincere in your relationship and feel that the connection with your foreign "half" is more than just a "contextual relationship" or a desire to break out abroad at any cost, then you can discuss a long-term relationship when one of you permanently moves to another country .
If this is your case, then often this process is long and difficult. If your man hasn't traveled or read much, he may have misconceptions about how life is in your country and may be disappointed later. You may also find out later that he lives in a country that does not suit you.
No matter how much you love, these big life changes will test your relationship. Make sure you're ready for them and think the challenge is really worth it.
So, and now 10 comic arguments for a relationship with a foreigner for those who have already overcome the fear of them. Marriage with a foreigner is not as scary as it is painted 🙂 Let's start the countdown:
10. That cute accent! Who would have expected that the letter "R" could sound like this! 🙂
9. All foreigners seem complex and mysterious. Whether they grow up on a farm or in the city, whether they are rich or poor, they are all sophistication and charm itself. Compared to our compatriots, of course 🙂 And you just can't do anything about it!
8. They think we are adorable. When you meet them in their country, they are delighted, fortunately not realizing that, in our home country, we are treated as someone completely banal and ordinary…!
7. You will have an obvious reason to travel. I agree, sometimes husbands get really annoyed by this fact when you visit your family every vacation, but at least you will have a reason to take a plane, and it's great not to have to cook and clean for a whole month! 🙂
6. Your children will be fluent in two languages, and you will not have to pay for an expensive tutor, and your child will always have the additional opportunity to find a job with knowledge of a second language.
5. Two weddings. Marriage with a foreigner is a great occasion for double gatherings of family and friends in different countries! Twice as many gifts and congratulations - it's fantastic! 🙂
4. He is automatically head and shoulders above all your Russian-speaking gentlemen in the eyes of your friends and family. See point 9… do I need to say anything else? 🙂
3. Chocolate, chocolate and even more chocolate :-). You will finally have a reason to indulge in what you love, as you did at home when your compatriots did not understand your weakness: high quality chocolate (such that melts in your mouth like nothing else in the world ) justifies the fact that your foreign chosen one cannot live without him!
2. Relations with a foreigner - for those who love a challenge. Would you like to have a simple, "normal", easy relationship? No? If you love passion, overcoming difficulties and dynamics - love with a foreigner is what you need. Especially if you both have children from your first marriages, everything will be very difficult (but, you no longer need to think: whether to build long-term or one-time relationships - there is only one answer: only long-term ones!).
1. True Love! She simply cannot be any other! Meetings in his country, then meeting a family you don't see for a year, traveling from country to country to finish your education or settle your business... But it's all worth it and makes your relationship even stronger. After all this, you will not be able to let him go, no, never! 🙂
While dating foreigners can be a dangerous game if treated the wrong way, my approach is to never be afraid to start something new just because the end is unclear. Many things in life seem difficult, unknown, and hardly possible... and love is no exception...
Do not be afraid. It doesn't matter what happens in the end, as long as both of you sincerely try to understand and accept each other. In my opinion, it is better to have pleasant memories than not to have them at all. Love can pass or break about the complexity of life, but if not lovers, then wonderful friends in another country will remain with you.
