Pause in a relationship. Let's take a break: do we need a break in a relationship
Often, the offer to leave for a while is a kind of "euphemism" for breaking up a relationship. It's just that both parties in a couple or the initiator of the breakup, for some reason, do not talk about it directly. For example, in order not to offend the former soul mate or not become a witness to the scandal. In the end, a person may simply not have the courage to confess his true intentions, put an end to it, or even talk about the fact that a replacement has already been found.
Offering to disperse for some period, people expect that long-distance relationships will come to naught on their own and a painful separation can be avoided.
This option is possible if a man and a woman agree that the relationship has become obsolete. It is much more difficult if someone has already burned out, and someone is still tied to the satellite. It is important to think carefully about whether it makes sense to torment a person with vain hopes - perhaps it is better to honestly admit everything and try to complete the communication as correctly as possible.
Respite before a new start
Sometimes people break up for a while, and at the same time they sincerely hope that they will continue the relationship. A couple may need such a break in order to evaluate their feelings, to make sure that this is really love, and not just a habit.
Often, people who have been together for a long time decide to take such a pause, before moving on to a new stage - for example, having matured for marriage.
Here, again, the situation becomes much more complicated if one of the couple has put an end to his feelings, and the second hopes for a second wind. Then an unpleasant discovery is guaranteed.
It's clear that nothing is clear
Often people break up for a while when they really don’t know what they want from a relationship, they are not sure about their feelings for a partner, and vice versa.
To take a time out for them means to get out of the situation in which they used to live, and evaluate it as if from the outside, to feel what it is like not to see a loved one, not to know where he is and what he is doing.
And again, it happens that only one person is not sure about the outcome of such a break - a man or a woman. The second knows exactly what he wants - the final separation or the salvation of feelings. In any case, most likely a difficult conversation cannot be avoided, sooner or later.
frank conversation
In order not to hurt the person with whom you spent time - even for a short time, it is very important, when deciding to pause, to talk openly. About my feelings, worries, why such a situation has developed at all. Although it is not easy. You need to try to sincerely talk about your emotions and expectations and ask your partner about the same. And at the same time, understand that frankness is possible if a person knows that he will not be criticized, reproached, blackmailed, humiliated, hurt of any kind.
surprise effect
Whatever the expectations of a temporary separation between a guy and a girl, it should be borne in mind that the final is always unpredictable.
- Having decided to definitely get together after a pause, you can realize that the abyss is growing, the relationship has become obsolete, and decide not to return them.
- Such a break can be used by a fan or admirer of former loved ones, who have long been waiting for an opportunity.
- It happens the other way around - having firmly decided that it is time to run away, when separated, people realize that they do not want to live without each other, and return to the relationship.
- In addition, the principle "out of sight - out of mind, too, can not be disputed."
- And the indefatigable desire of others to influence personal affairs will not go anywhere either.
This solution is not a toy. No one can predict what it will lead to in the end.
Clarify expectations
If, nevertheless, it turns out that the couple still has a chance, but a decision has been made to temporarily disperse, there can be many tactics of behavior. About what exactly the separating half wants, it is also better to ask directly before parting.
Neither hearing nor spirit
Sometimes people need to separate completely in order to calmly think and decide what to do next. In this case, a person may ask to refrain from any contact - not to see each other, not to call, and not even write messages in instant messengers.
The difficulty is that sometimes such a request can be a simple check or primitive coquetry.
Only knowing your loved one well, you can determine whether he really needs silence or there is a catch here.
The situation becomes more complicated if the couple lives together - then someone has to look for a temporary shelter. But this is already a matter of technology - continuing to live in the same apartment and meeting in the morning in the bathroom, it is not easy to feel the time out.
be friends
Such tactics seem dubious and implausible - it is difficult to imagine lovers who suddenly became comrades, and then suddenly returned romance to the relationship again. However, it also happens. Usually this means continuing to communicate, but on a platonic basis, without love overtones.
Do you want to talk about it
Some couples, mostly married ones, who plan to continue their relationship, use the break to seek the help of a specialist - a family psychology consultant, or a priest. This is a good choice, which significantly increases the chances of returning feelings.
Breakup as a punishment
Sometimes someone in a couple says that they want to leave for a while in order to teach the other a lesson, to punish bad behavior. It is worth noting that this is quite cruel and does not lead to building a healthy relationship. It is better to look for more humane ways to explain to a partner that we are unpleasant about certain of his actions, and to prove our importance to him.
meet others
Breaking up is not permanent, people may have different opinions about whether it is legal during a breakup relationship with another guy or girl.
Some believe that this is quite normal and even necessary to compare and verify the sincerity of feelings. Others believe that this is the beginning of the end - even if you get together after this, there will be no previous closeness, because the partner will certainly hold a grudge. Moreover, even if he himself did not sit at home, sadly looking out the window, but allowed himself close communication with someone else.
Not a panacea
It should be understood that parting is not a solution to problems. It is not necessary to hope that the difficulties in the relationship will disappear on their own just because people have dispersed. For example, if you feel a strong resentment due to the misconduct of a loved one or, conversely, a feeling of guilt, the decision not to see each other may be part of the path to building relationships, but this is definitely not enough. The absence of a person nearby does not bring forgiveness, except that it dulls the pain of resentment, or even vice versa - inflames it.
After returning to each other, if you do not change the relationship itself, it is likely that soon everything will return to normal
And life together will turn into an endless series of partings. It is impossible to achieve a different result by the old methods.
Instead of running away from problems, it is better to choose a more thorny path to solve them - this is many times more difficult, but more effective.
How long
The duration of the time-out can be agreed even before parting.
However, in reality it may turn out that the very next day, realizing the mistake, people will rush to each other, asking for forgiveness, or maybe otherwise - the agreed time will pass, and one or both people will not want to save anything.
We hope that your relationship is harmonious. But it happens that there comes a period when you stop understanding each other, lose interest, feelings cool down ... And you decide to take a break in a love relationship. On the one hand, you understand that this step is necessary, but on the other hand, doubts gnaw at you - or maybe this is the end ...
In order not to make a mistake in your decision, not to stumble, and then not to regret what happened, let's see if a “pause” is needed in a relationship?
- “Probably, we need to take a break from each other ...” - your loved one tells you. And how do we feel when we hear such a proposal? The heart begins to beat in fear, the mood gradually turns into depression and a panic of loneliness, abandonment, insolvency settles in the head ...
Do not think that only the weak half of humanity reacts painfully to such statements. Men are generally terrified of such statements from their women. After all, pride and pride suffer!
Be that as it may, but "time out" in a relationship is a frequent occurrence that can come from both partners at the same time or one of them. The bottom line is that such a break can be a good test, test, or even a bonding factor.
Faced with a similar situation, we of course analyze why it happened? What pushed us to "rest" from each other?
If we rely on the statements of psychologists, then strong relationships arise where there is a commonality, for example, in interests, similarity of tastes and other psychological and social factors. And sometimes, this happens not only on a psychological level, but sometimes on a subconscious level.
So, for the first three years, attraction and passion are clearly present between a man and a woman. Gradually, physiological factors decrease, and the question arises - what is holding people together?
For example, if the relationship was based on sexual desire, then there may be problems that will lead the couple to break up. To understand the true essence of your relationship, to check your feelings, you can just take a break in a relationship.
In the event that one of you found a “third”, it would be more correct. You don't want to be in that situation all the time. It also happens that problems arose on the basis of excessive requirements. It is the idealization of a partner that contributes to disappointment, which leads to a dead end. Only in the world there is nothing and no one is perfect, so it is better to weigh everything and understand your mistakes. And this is where a break in a relationship can help. This is the time for introspection.
The only question is, how long can or should such a “rest” last? There is no exact measure here, let your heart tell you. After all, the main thing is the result that will bring you happiness.
TM "Placent Formula" wishes you love and prosperity in your relationship!
The union of each couple undergoes not only periods of boundless happiness, mutual understanding and love. At a certain stage, there are discontent, conflicts, resentment. There comes a moment when you need to make a decision about your future fate: to fight difficulties and move on or disperse. But some couples choose the third option, which seems more humane and simple - a break in the relationship.
But before you decide on it, you should be prepared for a variety of results. For some partners, a temporary break from each other will help refresh past feelings and flare up passions again, while for others it will be the beginning of the end.
When can a couple decide to take a break?
Frequent conflicts
Comes in every pair. Constant quarrels require a lot of mental strength. If relations are tense to the limit, and conflicts arise out of the blue, it is necessary to look for the cause of the current situation. You can not live in constant negativity and confrontation. It kills feelings and alienates people from each other.
Sexual and emotional satiety
If a man and a woman get bored with each other at home and in bed, if there are no common interests and goals, this is one of the reasons for parting. Relationships that are based only on sex are not able to last long. Gradually, passions subside, and the unknown and alluring becomes ordinary and dull. Only real feelings can save the situation. Sometimes a temporary break is needed to test their strength.
If you want to end the relationship
Many psychologists agree that the proposal for a temporary break is made by people who have a subconscious or conscious desire to disperse. They are either afraid to say it directly, or reserve the right to think alone about the correctness of their decision. The gradual reduction of relations to nothing is perhaps the most painless break.
How can a relationship break help?
How to understand what you love? Separate for a while. After all, it is not in vain that they say that parting for love is like wind for a fire: it will inflate a strong one, and extinguish a weak one. Missing and thinking about a person, you realize how dear and loved he is.
Temporary separation can relieve accumulated stress and fatigue. Seething emotions are not the best assistant in clarifying relationships and resolving conflicts. Sometimes, left alone, the understanding comes that the existing problems are insignificant, and there are simply no reasons for quarrels and disputes. There is an opportunity to realize their mistakes and find compromises.
Why is a break in a relationship dangerous?
The timeout does not help solve the problem. Rather, it is used to avoid difficulties, to refuse to work on oneself. It seems that after parting for a while, the conflicts will disappear, and the relationship will start from scratch. But it's not. If there is a problem, it needs to be addressed. If the partners or one of them do not want to change, then a temporary separation will only act as a catalyst for a break.
Perhaps the most difficult and unpleasant situation arises when one, having overestimated his own feelings, decides to return to the couple, and the other decides to leave. How to be in that case? No one has control over the feelings and desires of another person. Persuasion, persuasion and threats will not return the relationship to its former harmony and romance. Of course, you can’t set yourself up for negativity in advance, but you always need to know that life goes on. And everything that happens is just a step forward, for the better.
How to organize a timeout
Having decided to take a break from each other and put your thoughts and feelings in order, it is very important to determine the rules for the break. It is necessary to discuss the boundaries of what is permitted with a partner in order to avoid unpleasant surprises and misunderstandings. In general, conversations benefit any relationship, and their absence is the main one. And it is worth clarifying the following points:
- Timeout time frame. Usually two to three weeks is sufficient. This is the best time to rethink the value of relationships. A longer separation with insufficient strength of feelings will increase the cooling that has arisen between a man and a woman.
- Features of communication. Is it possible to call and write to each other during the break, and if so, how often? The most effective break will be with the complete exclusion of contacts, but each couple chooses conditions that are convenient for themselves.
- Relationships with the opposite sex. Is it possible to meet other people? What boundaries should not be crossed in a relationship with them? Some couples temporarily break up and allow each other to live a full life with absolutely no restrictions. But then it's worth considering. If your partner wants an intimate relationship with another person, isn't that a clear signal?
Sometimes a short separation occurs on its own. This may be a separate vacation, the need to leave for a while to relatives. This opportunity to be alone, but remaining in a relationship, allows you to think about and re-evaluate a lot. At the same time, the feelings of the other partner will not be hurt by the phrase "we need to take a break from each other."
If you're looking for an excuse to break up, it's best to tell your partner directly about it. No need to flatter him with illusions about a joint future. If it takes time to think, put thoughts and feelings in order, take a time out. But do not forget to discuss the terms of the break to the smallest detail.
Unfortunately, most breaks in a relationship end in a breakup. But there are exceptions. Love, mutual respect and understanding will allow you to cope with any difficulties and trials that arise in the life of a couple. If people value each other, they don't need a break to realize it.
He's probably a nice guy, but he doesn't have the courage to say outright that he doesn't want you to be together anymore. You must have had wonderful moments of love. And now that he has decided to break up with you, he feels terrible - even if in the long run the separation will benefit both. If you suspect that this is just such a case, it is better to ask him to be honest with you. It will be easier this way: you will save months of exhausting negotiations and clarifications, completely pointless, since he has already made a decision.
2. He wants to have sex with someone else.
If you broke up for a while and he slept with someone, then technically this is not cheating, and there seems to be nothing stopping you from getting back together. Pretty sneaky excuse for a timeout.
Of course, if both of you are for an open relationship, you can always say: “Yes, yes, I also just wanted to sin with a bunch of people - I even made a list” - and you shake hands and set off towards adventures, and then return to the marital bed and vying to share with those who have how this “vacation” went.
But if you are not so “advanced” citizens and you are not enthusiastic about such tricks, be on the lookout.
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3. He really needs to think about how he feels about you and how you can work things out.
The most encouraging option: perhaps the guy really wants to take a constructive look at your relationship, and for this he needs to be alone for several weeks. Perhaps your once-bright love is going through a period of stagnation, and he feels at a crossroads. He needs to figure out where to go next. He has good intentions, but it’s time for both of you to look at your union from the outside and understand what is worth changing, and whether it’s worth trying at all.
Such a pause can turn into a reboot, but only if both of you want it and are ready to work on the relationship.
4. He needs a few weeks of peace and quiet.
Maybe he put it wrong, and what he needs is not a pause in the relationship at all, but something like a vacation during the session. Perhaps he has a blockage at work or some kind of turning point in his career. And he needs to temporarily eliminate everything that could distract him; he must have plenty of personal space. If he's going through a period full of stress, and he's the kind of person who can only focus on one thing, it's much better to give him that space. He knows himself and understands that he will snap at the little things, walk in self-absorption, give you insufficient time and attention and at the same time break away from the project. In essence, it's not so much a time-out in a relationship as it's his time for himself. Not the worst option on this list.
5. This is a kind of "strength test."
He wants to see if you agree or not and how you will react, because he is not sure how seriously you take him. Some people are so insecure that they play all sorts of mind games. Maybe he's afraid of losing you. Or thinks: "She wants to leave me, and I should have time to break up with her first." Or maybe he read a strange advice on some site. Never mind: people who have fun in this way are not worth your trouble.
"I do not know what to do next. Let's live separately for a while, sort out ourselves and our feelings for each other. Let's take a break, ”is the solution resorted to by some couples who, at a certain stage of their relationship, face problems that cannot be solved by peaceful negotiations. Misunderstanding, a quarrel in a quarrel, the feeling that there is a stranger nearby - because of all this, many people seem to run out of steam, do not feel the strength to continue to fight for relationships, but they are also afraid to put an end to it - they hope that everything can still be returned to normal.
When relationships come to a standstill, you involuntarily ask yourself the question: reanimate feelings or break up? But neither decision, as a rule, comes easily. Tired of the unknown and mental anguish, people come to the conclusion that a pause is the best option. After living separately for a while, you can weigh the pros and cons, consider the future prospects of the relationship and, most importantly, understand whether you need this person, can you imagine your life without him. However, it is worth considering the fact that they often take a break when they do not know how to provoke a breakup. Not all people have the courage to say, "I don't love you anymore."
What you need to know about a pause in a relationship?
Psychologists warn that a pause is not a panacea for all ills. If you think that the problems will disappear by themselves after a month spent apart, then you are greatly mistaken. Your meeting will also bring memories of why you once decided to run away for a while. Therefore, if now you have an unresolved problem, it is better to make an effort and dot all the i's.
However, sometimes a pause in a relationship is simply necessary, if only because, being constantly close to the "irritant", you do not have the opportunity to understand the deep psychological processes that occur exclusively in your mind. It is in order to calm down, to sensibly evaluate your behavior and the behavior of your partner, analyze his mistakes and, possibly, forgive them - you need a short break in the relationship.
In addition, when thinking about the pause, answer yourself honestly if you are looking for an excuse to break up in this way. If you absolutely do not expect anything from this relationship, then most likely it is not worth reviving them. It will be more honest to directly tell your partner about your feelings.
When should you take a break from a relationship?
1. When you stop understanding each other in small things. It would seem that there is no serious problem, no one cheated on anyone, but day by day you torment each other with mutual claims, make scandals from scratch and, having calmed down a little, you cannot answer why the fuss.
2. If you get bored with each other. You don’t know what to talk about, how interesting it is to spend time together, and any attempts to somehow diversify your joint leisure time fail - you start arguing even at the stage of choosing a “cinema or cafe”.
3. If you don't see feedback from your partner. You are ready to compromise, but he stubbornly bends his line and does not listen to your desires and requests at all. You feel offended, incomprehensible, tell him about it, but he does not seem to hear.
4. If you understand that absolutely all problems are in your head. He has not changed his attitude towards you and has not changed himself, but you want something different, new. Do not immediately cut off the shoulder, it is better to take a couple of weeks to think.
5. When you feel like you are living in a cage. The partner controls your every step, suspects infidelity and is jealous of all the men in your environment. Of course, before you pause in a relationship, you should talk to your loved one, explain what hurts you and upsets his distrust. If these heart-to-heart talks aren't working, it might be worth taking a short break.
A few rules of pause in relationships
1. Never take a break without discussing it with your man. Tell him about everything that worries you, and let him know that at the moment you do not see another way out of the situation.
2. Convince your partner that you are not leaving him, that this is not a breakup. Agree that you are just taking time to think, not to start a relationship with someone else.
3. Do not try to look at other men. Even if you understand that you want to break up with your partner, do it only after the end of the pause. Then you can start a new relationship, not before.
3. During the break, occupy yourself with something useful and interesting, fill your days with hobbies and hobbies, chatting with friends. Try to be alone as little as possible, so as not to end the pause solely because you are bored. In this case, problems may remain problems.
