I don't sleep well after my husband's death. How to move on after losing a loved one

When, so suddenly for herself, her beloved spouse dies, it seems that life loses its meaning. And even if you have been married for many years, left behind heirs, it is difficult to imagine how to live on without a soul mate. In this case, the priest's advice will help you understand how to survive your beloved husband. After all, as you know, when a person enters the afterlife, relatives on earth should help him in every possible way to reach Paradise.

Priest's advice on how to survive the sudden death of a beloved husband

1. The deceased person is in great need of the care of people close to him who have remained here on this sinful earth. Everyone should remember that, as a person, a person does not disappear. He has an immortal soul, but if during his lifetime he was not a believer, then in order to survive his death, you must carefully consider your own soul. First of all, don't get overwhelmed. After all, despondency is one of the eight deadly sins. If you allow it to settle in your soul, then a void will form in it.
2. Try to calm down, put all your strength, love for the deceased into. Until the 40th day, pray. This is necessary for both your soul and the soul of your husband.
3. Remember that after this life on earth, you will definitely meet your spouse, and therefore think about whether you deserve a good life after your own death. Do not forget that excessive lamentations, howling over the dead, are incompatible with Orthodoxy. Forget grief. It will not help either you or your loved one who has gone to another world. Remember that the husband is alive, but he is alive with God.
4. Write a note and donate in the temple for the repose of the soul of your spouse. Pray more and ask the Lord to help you get through this difficult loss. And this rule concerns not only the question of how to survive the death of a husband for an aged woman, but also for a young widow. Remember that your life on this earth does not end. It is necessary to believe in the Almighty and continue to live, enjoy every day.

Hello dear readers! In our article, we will tell you how to survive the death of your beloved husband. What advice do psychologists give to cope with trouble. We will discuss how to learn to live on after the death of a spouse.

How to come to your senses after the death of your beloved husband?! Psychologists and clergymen tell how to survive grief and learn how to live on!

The death of a husband - is it possible to survive ?!

A loved one is the whole universe for the one who loves. And the meaning of life, and support, and help in everything. Often the husband is also the only breadwinner. A loving husband and a loving wife live as one. One of the worst blows from life for a loving wife is the death of her husband.

Grief and despair blind the eyes of a woman who has experienced the grief of loss. The world loses its meaning, from the pain in the soul it is difficult to breathe. I don't want to continue living.

But you have to keep living! What would a beloved husband think when he found out that his precious wife, to whom he dedicated his life, neglected his efforts and abandoned life?!

This is not a betrayal! Even in deep grief, you need to understand that remembering a person or worrying about his death all your life are two different things. The pain will pass and you need to get back on your feet. Especially if there is a child - a small part of the spouse, who is no longer alive. And now you need to take care of the child.

So that the widow can start living again, psychologists and church leaders look every day for ways to relieve mental pain. The death of a beloved husband should not be the death of a wife.

Psychologist's advice: how to survive the death of a beloved husband

The death of a beloved husband is the pain of loss and the fear of a life in which he is no more. Therefore, first of all, psychologists ask the widow to grieve. You need to cry uncontrollably, scream, break dishes, stop eating - plunge into your grief. Pain will break the heart until relief comes. This state, which is called catharsis, occurs differently for everyone. But it will come. I don't believe in it. But it is so. And then the pain will go away. And you let your loved one go. But this relief may disappear if no additional steps are taken.

Treatment with birds

Go to a private dovecote. Or the bird park. Or to an organization that provides doves for weddings. Take the bird in your hands. Pet her. Feel her warmth. Tell her about your grief. You can speak to the bird out loud. Addressing by the name of the deceased spouse. At the end, say goodbye to him through the bird. Forever. Let her fly. Ask to take away your pain. And let go to the sky.

Letters to the past

When the going gets tough, write a letter. Address the letter as if you were talking to your late spouse. Tell all thoughts, throw out bitterness. Remember the past. Describe the happy moments of your life together. write at the end that the years of marriage were worth living through. Thank your deceased husband for what he made happy. Ask him to let you go and allow you to live farther. Say goodbye to him. Burn the letter.

Help from a friend or psychologist

There is one way, but it is better if the relatives of the deceased, who knew him well, will help you to realize it. Have them create a social media account on behalf of the deceased person.

And let the deceased “tell” from this account how he is there after his departure. And you ask him for forgiveness. For all. forgive the late husband for all grievances. The way this account will send you a message that you are now free, but the deceased husband will look after you and help where possible. Let the message of this account allow you to live on. You know that it is not he who writes, not the late husband. But this is your subtle connection with him, which you need to let go.

A psychologist can do this too. Choose an assistant with whom you are not afraid to speak frankly.

Awareness is a way to survive the death of a husband

To survive death, you must accept its fact. She exists. She touches everyone. And you, sooner or later. Everyone you love and dislike, who you know or see for the first time will face death. At the right time, every living person will die.

It `s naturally. Life is given to enjoy it. Since you had to endure the death of your beloved husband, you have become wiser. Now you know the value of every minute of life.

Take an interest in the more progressive worldview of Asian religions - more and more scientific evidence that we live more than once. And your beloved husband after death will not become a handful of ashes. He will be reborn, he will return. You haven't lost it forever. There will be a next life in which those who love each other will meet again.

In the meantime, your hour has not come, try to live to the fullest. Gain experience, find out your capabilities. You can start new relationships. And it won't be a change. Betrayal will turn your life into a nightmare and die quietly. Your loved one allows you to be happy without him. He just wants you to remember him.

Any religious views come down to serving humanity. Religions say that the Almighty gives us happiness through overcoming ourselves and helping others. Like it or not, we will know when we die. But practice has proven that grief is easier to survive by uniting with other people.

Confession, made once or ten times, in one way or another relieves the pain of loss. Support groups, which are becoming more and more popular in our country, have already helped thousands of people. Most of these groups are free.

The best option is to find solace in caring for the infirm in hospitals or for hire. Religious texts state that service to one's neighbor purifies the soul.

Psychologists echo: caring for the sick helps to distract from their sorrows. And the sight of a long dying man, bedridden, becomes a consolation for a widow. Not in the sense that she is gloating, no! And in the sense that she is glad - her beloved husband does not experience such torment as those whom she is looking after now.

Conclusions: how to survive the death of a beloved husband

Loss cannot be painless. But let time soothe your sadness. Take advantage of techniques that help ease the loss. And remember that your loved one has not gone into oblivion - he is where the sun shines, there is no pain and suffering. From there, he can look after you. And he will definitely help in difficult times, as he helped during his lifetime.

Appreciate every moment of life! See you soon!

“Saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves”

(From the novel by I. Ilf and E. Petrov "The Twelve Chairs")

A loved one died. Funerals, commemorations have passed ... And now the relatives and friends who supported and helped all this time are gradually returning to normal life, to their own affairs. Attention and care for you on their part is becoming less and less ...

And you? You still bear the brunt of the loss, grieve, and do not understand how they can continue to live when such a misfortune happened. You miss the loved one who left you, and it seems that this terrible grief will never end, and the lack of attention and care exacerbates your feelings.

If you have already begun to ask yourself these questions, then you understand that you need to change something in your attitude to life with loss, which you need to adapt to a new social and emotional situation of life loss for you.

And now the epigraph to this article becomes relevant for you. In this context, this phrase does not mean that you should “pull yourself out of the water yourself” - forget the deceased, pretend that nothing happened. On the contrary, you must "learn to swim" and be able to take "precautions on the water", i.e. do everything to live your situation of grief with the least bodily and emotional disturbances.

There are no universal recipes for this, everyone has their own, unique grief and their own, unique situation in the family and in society.

Nevertheless, I will try to give some tips that, I hope, will help at some points in this difficult life period.

Try to realize in what aspects of life you have become the most vulnerable- Is it a domestic sphere, emotional, perhaps professional? When you understand where "the biggest hole is punched", it will be easier to close it. And, as a small child gradually learns to walk, try to gradually learn to independently receive what you used to receive with the help of the deceased.

It can be purely everyday skills. For example, a woman who has lost her husband, who did everything around the house, can learn to do something herself, or can find a household service that will help maintain comfort at home at the usual level. A man who has lost his wife can study the instructions for household appliances (washing machine, modern smart stove, microwave oven) and provide himself with the same level of life. Someone has to learn how to cook. Some people need to learn how to make decisions. This is especially difficult if the deceased person used to decide almost everything for you. Remember that you do not need to strive to make a decision instantly. Do not hesitate to consult with people who are authoritative in this matter, you may need the help of a specialist in a particular area. In the first time after the death of a loved one, try to generally postpone the solution of global issues (buying / selling real estate, moving, etc.) for some time.

Harder with emotional gaps. The emotional sphere is the first thing that needs regulation.

Do not listen to those who advise "strengthen, hold on, take courage ...". Don't store up tears. If you want to cry - cry, if you feel sad - be sad. And do not feel guilty about this before your environment. Tears are a normal physiological response to pain, in this case, mental pain. Tears are emotional release. After crying, a person may feel exhausted, overwhelmed and devastated, but it becomes easier for him. Remember that you have the right to express your feelings. And you don't have to justify yourself to others. Only to small children you should explain that your emotions are not caused by their behavior, but by grief for the deceased. Adults usually understand this. If you hold back tears, the child may try to copy your behavior without understanding its reasons, and subsequently will hold back any of his emotions. Just like yourself, let the child cry for the dead if he wants to. Comfort him, talk to him, help him live through these emotions.

Think about who you can talk to about the person who left you.. If there is no such person in your environment, use the modern possibilities of psychological support - website website, helplines, psychological assistance services. The main thing is to speak. About loss, about loneliness, about feelings, about fears… Do not be shy to seem like a weak person, grief turns everyone into little helpless children for a while. Talk about the dead with God. A prayer for the dead is your real help to the soul of the departed.

But do not try to talk to the deceased, physically he is no longer around. . Do not turn to the occult, do not listen to everyone who tries to tell you about superstitions, signs and so on. If you are a believer, you already know what happened (see sections “There is life after death!” and “How the soul lives after death”). If you do not believe in God, then death for you is the end of physical existence, then it makes no sense to perform superstitious rituals.

Helps soothe intense emotions diary. Write about your thoughts, feelings, about your pain of loss. Make it a rule to re-read what you have written after a while, and then try to analyze what has changed over this period of time? Which feelings have become sharper, which, on the contrary, are gone? What have you learned? Such introspection will reveal to you your strengths and weaknesses. In the future, rely on what you are strong in, look for sources of support in those aspects where you are not confident in yourself.

Another way - write a letter to the deceased. Even if death was not sudden, there is always a lot of unspoken, unspoken. Write. You need it, not him. If you haven't said something important, you have the opportunity to say it now. Use it. Don't be afraid to look funny because there is nowhere to send the letter, you can just burn it. It is important that the letter will help you free yourself from the burden of inconsistencies that you carry by entrusting it to paper.

If you do not like to write, but emotions and memories are overflowing, try this method. Put next two banks. Prepare a number of small multi-colored balls and small pieces of paper. When you remember the deceased kind and good - drop one ball into the jar. This will be your memory bank. If you remember some bleak incident, resentment, quarrel - write on a piece of paper - what you remembered, literally one or two words, roll the sheet into a ball and put it in another jar. It will be a bank of your grievances. How long you will do this is up to you. When you realize that most of the warm and kind memories are already "lying" in the memory bank - close it and put it where you see fit. All the bright memories are now before your eyes. See how many there are. When no new grievances are remembered, choose a day (perhaps it will be some date associated with the deceased) and burn paper balls - your grievances.

Worthy of special consideration guilt in front of the dead. This topic is devoted to a large section on the site. Since the amount of material is large enough, it is difficult to present it here, I suggest using the articles posted on the site. The main thing - do not allow yourself to cultivate a sense of guilt, it acts destructively.

Another strong feeling that can accompany loss is fear. Night or day, alone or in a crowd, fear comes unexpectedly and literally paralyzes you. What to do in such a situation?

It is important to understand that your fear is not the fear of an adult in a real dangerous situation, but rather a “childish” reaction to the unknown surrounding you after the death of a loved one.

I propose a little exercise to regain your "adult" state, stay "here and now", in reality.

When you feel fear - first look around, if there is really no immediate threat to your life and health, highlight 5 colors of objects that surround you. What color is the ceiling? Floor? Armchair? Curtains? Your clothes? (Look at any objects, but you should not just “recognize” the color by smearing it with your eyes, but identify it, perhaps name it out loud). If fear creeps up at night, don't imagine that the ceiling is white (this is not your feeling of "here and now", this is knowledge), at night it looks gray, like all other things, so either turn on the light or distinguish the intensity of shades of gray in the things around you.

Now sounds. 5 sounds - clock, bird, car outside the window, TV .... anything, but there should also be 5 sounds. In the silence of the night, it can be the sound of your breathing, the beating of your heart, the rustling of a blanket, the wind in the foliage outside the window, the sound of water in the pipes ... Listen carefully, each sound also needs to be distinguished and named.

Then listen to the sensation of your own body. Are your hands warm or cold, dry or wet with sweat? Legs are the same. Nape and neck area. Back. The abdomen and groin. Feel all these parts of your body. Carefully, slowly. Then look around again.

For visually and hearing impaired people, color or sound discrimination can be replaced by tactile sensations of objects. Touch what is near you. Highlight 5 different sensations - wool carpet, cool wood furniture, soft upholstery of a chair, paper wallpaper ... Try to distinguish the subtle smells emitted by these objects.

Usually this exercise returns a sense of reality with irrational fears.

Be natural in grief. Don't let others force certain behaviors on you. At the same time, do not refuse the help of loved ones if it helps you. Trust your family and listen to yourself at the same time.

Be patient. No one can say how long you will experience the pain of loss. Grief is like a surf - it will recede, then it will surge with renewed vigor. Holidays and family dates are especially difficult. For many years, the pain of loss can appear on the birthday of the deceased, on the anniversary of death, on New Year's or Christmas. Don't hide from your feelings. Unleash your memories, order a memorial service in the temple, pray at home, visit the cemetery. Even in a situation where one of the spouses has died and the other has a new family, do not be shy about it. The deceased is part of your life. A person who loves you should understand and respect your feelings. This is not treason, this is a tribute.

Now a little about the physiological aspects of grief. Today, everyone knows about the connection between the emotional and somatic (bodily) sides. A deep experience of grief can cause diseases of the body. Grief manifests itself in the appearance of a person. The grieving muscle is tight, tense, unable to relax. Such tension can cause sleep disturbance, which, in turn, leads to respiratory disorders, pressure surges, and heart disease. If you feel muscle cramps, ask someone to massage you (usually the neck area suffers first), or contact a massage therapist. Perhaps resting to the sounds of nature will help someone (you can download some of them in mp3 format here: , - a small portion of food will help you support yourself. You need quite a bit, at least an apple, a glass of kefir or milk. Do not rush to the other extreme - “do not seize” grief. If hunger attacks are uncontrollable, try to understand - do you really want to eat, or just need consolation in such a way as in childhood: “Don’t cry, hold the candy”? If so, the point is the lack of emotional and support, look for it from relatives, friends, or specialists, and not overweight.

The second vital need to be met is need for sleep. Take a cool shower before bed, don't watch TV, try to relax as much as possible in bed. If you are unable to establish normal sleep on your own, consult a doctor for medical support. But remember that drugs alleviate your condition, but do not eliminate the cause. Therefore, you seem to “freeze” yourself in a state of grief, prolonging the period of mourning. And of course, do not seek solace in alcohol.

Another important aspect is the pace of your life. It is possible that during the period of grief you will not be able to perform all the functions that you easily coped with before. It's OK. If there is an opportunity to transfer them to someone - do it. Allow yourself to reduce stress, remember that the stress you experience negatively affects all areas of your life. Get more rest. Evaluate what kind of rest is better for you - active or passive? Do not be afraid to show weakness and do not feel guilty about it, when you can - you will return to the usual rhythm of life. For now, just take care of yourself.

Time passes, and what seemed insurmountable yesterday is overcome. Emotions that did not allow breathing weaken, are replaced by others. The feeling of loss does not go away, you will always miss a dead person, just a sharp pain will be replaced by sadness and sad memories, and then these memories will become bright. It means that you have gone through the most difficult period.

Surviving grief does not mean forgetting. Surviving means learning to fully live after a loss.

Surviving the death of a husband does not mean stopping loving

The loss of a loved one is a difficult life stage that everyone must go through, and it will not be possible to avoid suffering along the way. Perhaps understanding how to survive the death of a husband will help the realization that the ability to keep the memory of the departed in the heart is not a curse, but a gift.

Trapped in grief

The death of a husband is an event that devastates the soul, destroys the familiar world and deprives it of joyful colors. Feelings that could fade over the long years of living together return with renewed vigor, and memories do not console, but hurt painfully.

Sigmund Freud believed that those who are experiencing the loss of a loved one have no idea how to survive the death of their beloved husband because they unconsciously strive to share the fate of the one who was taken away by death. Hence the state of shock, accompanied by the loss of the will to act, the loss of interest in the outside world. However, in most cases, the grieving still finds the strength to return to life again.

Time cures

When a husband died, almost no one knows how to survive at the first moment. Even if the departure was preceded by a long illness, a fait accompli causes a storm of emotions. The need to act immediately, to settle the formalities and organize a funeral, does not allow you to fall into a stupor, but the pain shock passes, and the stupor can be replaced by apathy.

Depression after the death of a husband is quite common. Trying to speed up the natural process of mourning is dangerous. Even when a woman tries to hide her emotions so as not to upset her loved ones, she inevitably depletes her psychological resources.

Folk traditions that suggest what to do when a husband has died have a deep meaning. The time spans that in many religions are associated with mourning events are far from accidental. The severity of the experience reaches its peak approximately on the fortieth day after death, and in the year that is allotted for mourning, most manage to cope with their grief.

Let yourself grieve

It is not customary in our culture to express emotions violently, and many women forbid themselves from expressing grief in front of other people. However, life after the death of a husband will improve faster if you allow yourself to cry, talk about the deceased and share memories. Sometimes a woman can quite sharply reject attempts to console her, but this does not mean that she does not need the participation of loved ones who must be there.

When a husband dies, a woman may feel anger and resentment at the one who left her alone in the face of problems. These feelings must be acknowledged and lived, otherwise the pain that is locked up will lead to an insensible petrification of the soul. This situation can be described as follows: one cannot breathe in until the air is exhaled, and it is impossible to start a new life until the grief is fully experienced.

Letting go doesn't mean falling out of love

The main task facing a woman who does not know how to live after the death of her husband is to separate the fate of the deceased and her own. Sometimes it is not so much love for the deceased that prevents this, but a feeling of guilt and the feeling that it is impossible to correct vulgar mistakes. Strong grief allows, as it were, to make up for what the spouse did not receive during his lifetime.

Psychotherapy offers various techniques to facilitate the acceptance of a tragic event. There can be many options on how to let go of a deceased husband. Art therapy helps some women, it is enough for someone to mentally draw a picture symbolizing reconciliation with the departure of a loved one into eternity.

It can be difficult for even the closest to understand what a woman who has lost her husband feels, all the more difficult to expect effective help from them. People who do not know how to survive the death of a friend, the death of a loved one or a fatal illness of a family member turn to the Dr. Golubev Center. With the help of a psychotherapist, it is easier to go through all the stages of grief, as well as to accept the fact of loss in order to start a new life, in which the image of the deceased will forever take its rightful place in the hearts of the living.

How to survive the death of a husband, the advice of a psychologist will help you release the pain.

The loss of a beloved husband is a difficult test for any woman, regardless of age. Overcoming it is very difficult, but it is possible, read the article to the end, and you will learn how to do it. With the loss of a husband, especially if the departure was sudden, life loses its meaning, there is no understanding of what to do next, how to live without him.

Even time, not always, helps in this situation. Years pass, but the pain remains. But how do you deal with the loss of a loved one? We will talk about this in this article.

Feelings of a woman

Having lost her husband, a woman begins to go over in her head what she could change, what to influence in order to prevent the death of her beloved. These thoughts are unavoidable, but don't go too deep into them, as it won't change anything. Time cannot be turned back, accept what happened - as a given, as a fate from which you cannot run away.

The woman begins to get angry at everyone around her. She has a misunderstanding why everything is happening to her, why she deserved such a disaster.

It is important that this anger does not add problems with loved ones. In this case, she needs attention, love and support of relatives and relatives.

If nothing helps, and the depression has dragged on, it is recommended that you visit a psychologist as soon as possible. Only he can pull her out of this state.

In most cases, the woman begins to blame herself for the death of her husband. She doesn't want to live anymore. In this state, she needs the help and support of loved ones. It will be very difficult for her to cope on her own, alone.

Surviving the death of a husband, without the help of a psychologist, is difficult. But, basically, women refuse to visit a specialist.

• Absolution.

  First of all, you need to let go of the soul of your beloved husband, give him freedom, the opportunity to continue the path appointed by fate. If you didn’t have time to tell him how much you love him, or ask for forgiveness, perhaps you didn’t tell him something important, then write him a letter. Only necessarily on paper, not in electronic form. Pour out all your pain, sorrow and despair on paper, tell how bad and lonely you are without him, how you love him, and so on. Burn the letter, and watching it burn, imagine how it flies away to your beloved husband.

• Humility.

  Next, what a woman should do is come to terms with what happened. You need to understand that nothing can be returned, what happened is inevitable. It is important to reconsider values, learn to live without a husband. Go to church, light candles, pray for him. A woman should try to prove to herself that she is strong.

• Goal setting.

  Now a woman needs to set goals for herself so that she has something to live for and something to strive for. Life must be filled with meaning. No need to forget the past, you can remember it with warmth, but at the same time enjoy the new day.

• Charity.

  Having experienced pain, a woman will want to help others who are faced with trouble. Charity will help you find joy, find the meaning of life. No matter how great the pain of loss, communicating with people who need support and help, a woman will understand that there are people who have lost even more. Like, for example, children who have lost their mother, or both parents, and are left completely alone, without relatives. Or a mother who has lost her child, or perhaps still caring for a child who cannot be cured. Such a comparison will help to understand that not only suffering and pain fell to her lot.

• Creation.

  Creative activities are good for distraction and relaxation. A woman needs to remember what she was fond of before, what she is good at. It is possible that she will want to attend additional courses and completely immerse herself in a new business. Creativity can change life for the better.

It is very difficult to survive the death of a husband, but you should not bury yourself alive. Let grief come out with tears, do not keep it in yourself, let go of this pain, and with it your husband.

After all, it is not for nothing that there is a belief that the soul of the deceased will not be able to find peace while his relatives hold him, with tears, prayers. By letting go of your husband, you do not betray him, you allow him to find peace, and for yourself - the continuation of life, keeping a bright, good memory in your soul.

The counseling tips listed in this article will help her cope with her grief.