Why is a man irresponsible. Men with whom long-term healthy relationships are impossible. Who is the "asshole"

Irresponsibility manifests itself in various areas of life and is formed under the weight of circumstances. A colleague is late for a meeting every time, a child loses books, a pencil case or a wallet, a sister forgot about her parents' anniversary. Surrounding people suffer from the disregard of a loved one or employee. Stupid people blame others for troubles, they are similar in behavior to children. How does irresponsibility manifest itself? How to behave with an irresponsible person: demand to take up the mind or regret?

What is irresponsibility?

Stupidity is formed during a person's life. It does not belong to heredity, so stop sorting out relatives if you got a husband-child. Inaction, unwillingness to work on oneself form spitting. This is a clear position of a person who has made such a choice or has been imposed such behavior.

What is irresponsibility in life? This is the inability of a person to restrain the assigned obligations in relation to children, family, colleagues. The behavior of such a person is reduced to letting go of the situation, in the hope that the problems will be resolved without his participation. It turns out that the stupidity of a person leads to evasion of direct duties and turns into unpleasant consequences. At the same time, such a person requires that other people fulfill obligations.

The destructive power of spitting extends to the spheres of life. A person does not participate in important processes, does not make fateful decisions. As a result, the quality of life of a person and those around him deteriorates. Under the stupid behavior are people who want to escape from the harsh reality, incapable of their own laziness.

Cause of irresponsibility

Such qualities characterize the personality of a person, determine the character. Disregard is not a pattern of behavior that is imitated and copied. It is formed as a result of improper parenting. This is the main reason for irresponsibility. Psychologists note that a disregard attitude appears in children, where the main violin was played by the mother. In doing so, the following behaviors were used:

1. mother hen. Does not allow the child to take a step on his own. She knows with whom to be friends, where to go to study, whom to choose as life partners. The stupidity grows like a snowball. As a result, the boy becomes a weak-willed person or. The girl remains an old maid or is unhappy in marriage, because she is unable to make an informed choice.
2. Mother investigator or dictator. Brings up a child in excessive severity. The slightest offense is punished. As a result, the child decides to do nothing in order to avoid being punished with a belt or standing in a corner. Mom controls the child, requires the fulfillment of tasks. Children humble themselves and get used to living and acting according to parental orders.
3. Mom is a supporter. Does not pay attention to the upbringing of the child, without explaining or analyzing actions. This attitude is passed on from generation to generation. The child, seeing the stupidity of the parents, copies and transfers the disregarding behavior to life.

But do not blame all the troubles on the parents. A person is exposed to external circumstances and internal experiences. Based on the results, he concludes that it is better to remain in the shadows than to make difficult decisions. Reasons for neglect include:

1. Lack of awareness. A person does not see the connection between actions and consequences. Performing actions or not straining, he does not see his guilt in what happened. Such people are inattentive and careless.
2. Feeling of fear. Occurs in people who have burned themselves by taking on voluminous obligations. For example, the head of a business that went bankrupt. As a result, disappointment came and a clear belief formed that it was better to be a careless person.
3. A loss . Difficult circumstances, the loss of a loved one, health problems lead to apathy. A person is disappointed, tired of fighting for life, loses interest in others. Decides to go with the flow and doesn't care about anything. Similar sensations arise as a result of the abuse of alcohol or drugs.

The reasons for stupidity do not make such behavior correct and justified. Any person can hide his head in the sand, but not everyone can fight for happiness. Disregard and inaction leads to the degradation of the personality, disorder in life.

The problem of irresponsibility

People who are not responsible for actions are not devoid of intelligence. They fantasize with ideas and have fun with them. But, the fun ends as soon as you face serious problems. A stupid person will shift the decision to another person, and then also accuse him of wrong actions.

The problem of irresponsibility lies in the fact that a person with a disregard for life, degrades, does not strive for financial well-being. At the same time, in the circumstances, he blames the state, relatives, fate, but is not ready to answer for life. Stupidity leads to the following consequences:

1. Loneliness and. An irresponsible person hopes for fate, waiting for luck in love. The meeting of the second half involves actions, courtship, decisions, communication, acquaintances.
2. Bad education. The culprit of low-quality education is the state. At the same time, a stupid person is picky in universities. Studying is seen exclusively in elite and expensive educational institutions.
3. Low income. A careless person complains about a job that is not prestigious. Attempts to change professions are not made, because actions are limited by education, which is not there.

Housing conditions are connected to the listed problems. If you didn’t get the parental apartment, then it’s hard. A stupid person wanders around the corners, continuing to blame other people for an unfinished life.

Irresponsibility of men

The modern generation lives for its own sake, not looking back at other people and not participating in their lives and problems. An irresponsible attitude is transferred not only to strangers, but also to relatives. As a result, callous and soulless personalities are formed, following only their own whims and desires.

If we consider the disregard for life by gender, then the irresponsibility of men is more common. Women are consciously approaching work, family. and selfishness of men. As a result, the woman is left alone, continuing to be responsible for the child. Today, in every third family, a child grows up without a father, who at the same time does not help financially and does not participate in the life of a son or daughter.

The situation is due to the irresponsible attitude of men. Such people postpone things for later or do not start tasks at all. But, the child cannot stop in development and wait until dad grows up, begins to be interested in his life, and bear financial responsibility.

First of all, determine where irresponsibility has come from in your life. What influenced its formation? Parenting, health problems. Next, realize. This is the acceptance of assigned obligations, an analysis of the actions performed. Next, form a new quality in yourself.

How to deal with irresponsibility?

Deciding to fight irresponsibility is the first step on the road to adulthood. To achieve the result, purchase developing literature. Read books on psychology, read books on motivation, take an interest in literature on social maturation. The result will not keep you waiting long. Through time, . Notice that the people around you are respectful, listen to advice.

), stale in my computer, with a seemingly banal title: “What kind of men are real women looking for?”. Author - Valery Vanter. And some curious details about the relationship between Man and Woman were revealed to me. Further - my free translation of some expressed thoughts and examples and my thoughts and comments mixed up.

In general, men (people with physical male sexual characteristics) can be conditionally divided into 2 groups: 1) REAL and 2) all the rest. We will consider real men, because the rest probably have other karmic tasks in this life.

The main feature of a REAL man is RESPONSIBILITY."The man said (decided) - the man did." (Reliability is different, this is when a woman decided, a man did, i.e. justified her hopes.)

The main idea is that a woman, in order to have a real (=responsible) man next to her, fulfilling her desires (or so that her man becomes responsible), become IRRESPONSIBLE next to him. Do not make decisions and, moreover, do not execute them (do not tell WHAT and HOW to do it). Just WISH ( “... and release your desires into the sky; having become free, they will be fulfilled! ”(c)) and communicate your desires to a man (voice). And the man will make a decision (HOW to fulfill them) and execute.

Here, ATTENTION, another important thought! What is the basis of female irresponsibility next to her man? It is based on TRUST. A woman trusts her man (becoming irresponsible, or driven, and a man, respectively, responsible, or leading). Trust is not exactly the same as FAITH. More precisely, like this: trust is an appendage to faith, trust without faith is impossible. But faith in this case is not faith in your man, but (and this is the main feature!) A woman's BELIEF IN YOURSELF. (And, please note, self-confidence is NOT "Trust only in yourself!", and NOT "If you want it done well, do it yourself!")

A woman's faith in herself is the foundation and the house all rolled into one, and trust in a man is the roof of this house. It is clear that one without the other will not stand idle for a long time, it will become damp and collapse over time (well, or these ruins will stand for centuries to be shown to tourists, but it is unlikely that anyone will be warmed). Moreover, there can be no roof without a house: a woman cannot trust a man if she does not believe in herself.

Here is one more BUT: a woman's faith in herself and faith in general is given by nature as an instinct, as an unconditioned reflex. A woman (unlike a man) is born with the mindset “Everything will work out!” (Yes, this attitude, or belief in oneself, can be blocked by various obstacles, but it does not go anywhere, it is not taken from nowhere, it is there and that’s it. If some woman does not see her, does not feel, then she needs to be removed interference, clear your inner space, and faith will definitely be found, if it is not, then “you are looking badly.”) This is just like a woman is born with the knowledge of HOW to give birth to children, she does not need textbooks, doctors and special education, her body knows and that's it (well, what someone's body has forgotten is again about interference that just needs to be removed).

Here is some digression - an analogy about faith in God. The simplest woman has much more of this faith than the most churched man (it is men who hold the highest positions in various religious denominations - perhaps because they needed to build this system of knowledge about God in order to believe in Him, and women believe in Him without any religious institutions).

Thus, a woman has faith in herself from the very beginning. But the man does not have it, the woman nourishes him with this. Mom - in childhood (I think so, up to 3 years old - by faith, and then - by trust), then - his woman (wife, not wife - it doesn’t matter). More precisely, this: a woman irresponsibly trusts a man, a man is imbued with this trust and performs a feat and fulfills her desires. Everything is simple!

There were many interesting examples below. When a woman's car breaks down, her belief that everything will work out helps her "steer out" of this difficult situation. “Darling, well, start up!”, and ... start up. Or a man/men appears ready to help. Or something else "magical" is happening. A man, of course, will repair or call a master / tow truck. And both methods are good and have the right to exist, it is important not to confuse them in relations with your man (of course, provided that we want to have a real man next to us who fulfills our desires). Somewhere in work, in business, in affairs (in external relationships), a woman may well use male models of behavior, but at the same time be aware (be her own Mistress) - who I am and what I will get in this case.

Interesting statistics were given on the number of marriages-divorces. I knew that there were many divorces, but I had no information about remarriages. And here are the statistics: 7 out of 10 first marriages end in divorce, 8 out of 10 second marriages end in divorce, 9 out of 10 third marriages end in divorce not going). Those. it is obvious that for the most part people do not draw the right conclusions (they do not take lessons - “what did I do/did wrong?”), while deciding to divorce is not the first time (but just another) is quite simple in our "the age of disposables". Of those who live in marriage, only 20% consider themselves happy in their relationship with their spouse.

Moreover, for me this topic has become important in connection with the issue of money, which a man directs to fulfill the desires of his woman. I recently faced a choice: silently wait and endure (an unreasonable state) when my husband guesses / remembers that he promised to fulfill my desire, or do it myself (buy, earn, collect money for)? (Oh, yes, there is a third one, which psychologists and sages talk about, write in smart books and do trainings - INSPIRE him to a feat! But HOW to do it practically, in real life is completely incomprehensible, therefore this method was not considered.) the least resistance for me turned out to be ... well, of course, TO DO IT MYSELF (as my grandmother and mother did, the image is bright, visual, easy to follow). And here is just an illustration for me. The author of the cast talks about the so-called "strong" women (those who are called such in our society - women who can financially support themselves without the help of men). Almost all of them told such a story. Here lives a woman with a man. Then she realizes that her boots are not the ones she would like, the fur coat is not the one, and so on. The man "te" does not give, where to get it? The obvious answer for all of us (post-Soviet women) is to make money on our own. Went to work. And for boots, and for a fur coat, and, if talented, for a car with an apartment. A man, of course, has no incentive to fulfill her desires, because she "can do it all herself." (Here I recall an analogy with a topic that slipped recently in LiveJournal - about horizontal female energy and vertical male energy, which must be balanced, and the more a woman assumes a horizontal position, the more incentives a man has to get up from the couch and do something). Then the woman thinks - why do I need such a man, if I myself can? Tired, divorced. And so from time to time. The image of a “selfmade woman” is taken and perfected, I don’t want to return to the state of a “dependent” woman at all, it doesn’t even occur to me that you can go the third way.

And the third way is to believe in yourself, trust your man and be with him (not in general, but with him) irresponsible. To wish and at the same time be led in the question of HOW to realize this desire.

For example, why do middle-aged men often like young and "stupid" women? Yes, because they (due to their lack of experience) trust these men much more than women of the same age as these men. Men feed on this trust (which is not given to them by the fact of their birth) as energy and create. Or else - why do some men (alfonso does not count) marry / choose women much older than themselves as partners in life? Yes, because the latter are experienced and wise enough to know WHAT to feed a man so that he does not come off them, like a plug from an outlet - borscht ... rich sexual experience ... trust. Yes, this is a kind of energy vampirism, but each in a pair has its own benefit.

An interesting example is when a man brought a woman to a car dealership and offered her to choose any car she liked. The woman never chose. After some (very short) time, the man left this woman. He did not receive trust from her and went to where he was fed with it. Did she believe that he had enough money to buy her a car? I believed. But she did not trust him (or, which is also possible, she did not believe in herself - in what she wants, in what she is worthy, there was nothing to rely on trust).

And at the end - a small metaphysical remark. Let's return to the question of a woman's faith in herself and that everything will work out. The author, as an example, recalled the immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary and said that if only women remained on Earth, they could continue their race by the power of faith alone, and only boys would be born to them as a result of such an “immaculate conception” - in order so that later next to someone to be irresponsible. Not for an equal amount of M and F, but for the balance of responsibility and irresponsibility. I remembered the fact of the birth of a large number of boys in the post-war years (of course, by no means from the “immaculate” conception) - after all, this was exactly what happened to balance the male responsible strength and the female irresponsible “weakness”. And I also thought about why some women have only boys. I used to think that (besides the connection with the tasks of the father and the child himself) this happens because there is a lot of masculinity in women (this is not about appearance, physical strength or hormones) - in character traits, fortitude, the manner of doing things like a man and etc. To bring up boys to such women, it seemed, God himself ordered. And now I see that sons are given to such women so that they can relax, learn to be irresponsible, learn to trust their men, learn to be led. And some people learn and some don't. Yes, here you can recall the theory of attachment and the maternal alpha role (or the leading role of the mother in the family hierarchy) and object. But it seems to me that one does not contradict the other. Like Alena

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My name is Asia, I will probably go crazy until I get through to my chosen one. We have been married for 6 years, and we already have two children, he flew out ... This is so by the way. I am 31 years old, and he is 34, when we were "friends" with him, I did not even imagine that it would be so hard for me with him. You see, in general, I am an independent person and have never welcomed someone to ask for something, and even more so to do something for me. NEVER!!! Now I demand the same from him.
Well, I didn't start from the very beginning. My husband never worked, for anyone: (and now it’s very difficult for him to get a job somewhere, he’s not so young anymore ... He’s also used to easy money, why didn’t I notice this before, because my income suited me ... and I didn’t even notice that the word stability and my husband didn’t intersect in any way ... now, when we already have two, it’s very noticeable that there is no breadwinner in the house ... It seems that if he tries, but what he brought us was hardly enough for bread ... and I had to go to work. Now I work and, in principle, I can bear all the expenses, but isn't it his duties, he can hang his legs like that. Or maybe already. Here I've been working for a month, I had to take a nanny, and in the second month he already asks me why you can’t pay like that ... you know, we still don’t have a roof over our heads ... he always says that somewhere in the city for work, but I don’t see the result We have had services for 4 months already, the phone has not been paid for.. he says I’ll pay for it, now, for example, he lied that he paid the nanny’s salary just so that I wouldn’t yell at him. AND HOW ANOTHER ... It has already come to the point that I threaten him if you do not close the debts, we will not have a sexual life., to put it mildly ... and practically there is no longer like for the third month. FUCK!!! and still alive :) and it’s also funny to work in a taxi, I almost led him by the hand, got a job. and that it lasted for 2 months, it didn’t suit the fact that there are always only little things in your pocket, such as no grains. this is all about the financial side, he is absolutely irresponsible in all documents ... oh, you know, I'm tired ... and I even divorced him, and for the same reason, when the first child was 2 years old. But I couldn’t see how she missed her dad and returned herself, and even this fixed him, he won’t understand if he just gets a job and will consistently bring some amount, then there will be peace and tranquility at home, He doesn’t need anything, but at least I’ll die let's go with the kids. so irresponsible, not striving absolutely to live at least a little better. Not only is there no use for him on the street, but at home he does everything out of the blue or after my tantrums.
tell me what to do, I can’t and don’t want to take everything on myself, how can I deal with the nome in a cunning way, because talking doesn’t help anymore ... HELP TELL ME, ... or is it like that for everyone ...

Psychologists Answers

Asia, hello!

Do you currently still have hope that you are able to

change your spouse. Unfortunately this is not possible.

He's shaped and so comfortable.

You had the experience of parting and you hoped that he would rethink everything and you would begin to live differently ...

You write that it never worked. Accordingly, this is the norm for him.

Don't rush to make a decision. Ask for a personal consultation, you need to figure out what these relationships are valuable to you and whether there is something to fight for.

Ready to be of service to you.

Sincerely,

Snegireva Inna Vladimirovna, psychologist Astana

Hello Asia! If you cannot change your husband, change your attitude towards him. Perhaps the fact that you still believe that he will "change" and prevents you from taking a sober look at the situation. Think about it and do it. Good luck to you!

Gabbasova Anargul Abishevna, psychologist Astana

Change husband? Interesting....

I think it's possible - help him to learn responsibility.

There are such ways.

I'm afraid he won't be with you...

Maybe first you should figure out why YOU live like this ...?

Contact.

Idrisov Galikhan Abdeshevich, psychologist of Almaty

Hello Asiya, your letter shows that you are a very strong personality with leadership qualities. Usually women with such a character cannot attract a stronger man than themselves. More often, the complete opposite is attracted, men with a weaker character, such as your husband. You are used to leading, rather your mother has the same strong character. You should understand that your husband is a completely different person and does not have your strong character traits. Trying to develop these qualities in him is unlikely to succeed. Either you accept him for who he is, or you can divorce him and live alone. There is no other option, no matter how you scream and try to change it. In order for him to become stronger against your background, you should at least try to become weaker yourself, but you are unlikely to be able to do this, because you are such by birth and it is unlikely that you will be able to play the role of a weak woman for a long time. In some families, the husband has a strong character and is the head, while the wife is usually a very calm and undemanding person. People seem to complement each other with their different temperaments and their qualities. In your