Why can't you get pregnant? Causes and options for solving problems with conception. Psychological reasons for not being able to get pregnant. What to do? But does it make sense

With the help of our experts - obstetrician-gynecologist Anna Pastukhova and psychotherapist Kira Natarova, we have compiled a list of the most common causes that can interfere with healthy people. Knowledge is power!

Age over 35

There is an opinion that the older a woman is, the more difficult it is for her to conceive, bear and give birth to a child. Doctors call the age from 25 to 35 years optimal for childbearing. This is due to the fact that at an earlier age, women are often not yet psychologically ready for motherhood, and after 35, a gradual decline in reproductive function begins. However, there are more and more examples that refute this assertion. What determines the possibility of successful conception and bearing a healthy child in the “late reproductive age”?

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova, obstetrician-gynecologist at Zdravitsa Family Medicine Centers

As you know, a certain number of eggs are genetically laid in the body of every woman. At what age a woman "uses" them depends only on her. But it should be noted that all diseases suffered by a woman during her life, her bad habits, as well as some medications have a negative effect on the state of the egg. With age, the supply of eggs decreases, and the remaining ones carry information, roughly speaking, about the woman's lifestyle, about how much she took care of her health or, conversely, lived for her own pleasure. The first factor is responsible for the fact that women of late reproductive age are less likely to conceive. But the quality of the eggs affects the increased risk of fetal malformations, chromosomal abnormalities. This does not mean that a woman will not be able to give birth to healthy offspring, just the likelihood of this is somewhat lower.

Overweight or underweight

Yes, unfortunately, normal weight is not only a matter of beauty. Excessive thinness, like being overweight, can be a real obstacle to pregnancy. Checking yourself is easy: you need to calculate body mass index (BMI) according to the formula "weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared." For example, your weight is 61 kg and your height is 172 cm. Therefore, the body mass index (BMI) in this case is:

BMI= 61: (1.72 × 1.72) = 21

If as a result of calculations you get a number in the range from 19 to 24 - everything is in order, but smaller or larger values indicate possible problems.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

Normal weight is a very important condition for conception. Women who are underweight or overweight often suffer from hormonal imbalances, which can lead to menstrual irregularities and lack of ovulation. And without this, conception is impossible. Excess body weight can affect not only the process of conception, but also lead to a complicated course of pregnancy - an increase in blood pressure, the development of diabetes in pregnant women, which negatively affects the condition of the fetus.

Taking birth control

“I have been on birth control for so many years. And then there are the hormones!- many women, when planning a pregnancy, begin to worry if they have harmed the unborn baby by taking pills for a long time. And if the first attempts are unsuccessful, then they are often the culprits - oral contraceptives. Most doctors are sure that contraceptive pills cannot harm women's reproductive health; on the contrary, in some cases they are prescribed as a treatment that helps prepare the body for pregnancy. However, if you have been taking contraceptives for a long time, and now you want a baby, be sure to tell your doctor about your plans.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

How hormonal contraception affects conception in the long term has not yet been studied. Contraceptives suppress ovulation, respectively, stopping them causes the so-called withdrawal effect, that is, ovulation occurs in subsequent (especially the first three) cycles, which increases the risk of conception. This technique is used for some types of infertility. And, on the contrary, long-term use of contraceptives can cause suppression of the hormonal system, the ovaries, as it were, "get used" to rest and it is difficult to start them into a working rhythm. Thus, in different situations, gynecologists act differently: either they ask the woman to try to get pregnant immediately after the cancellation, or to rest for 2-3 months to allow the body to recover.

Lifestyle

In a business like planning, there are no trifles! Literally everything matters: where you work, how you relax, what you eat, how much you sleep. So switch to a diet rich in folic acid (fresh greens, spinach, kale, peas, whole grain bread, nuts) with balanced proteins, fats and carbohydrates, sleep well, walk more. If you work in a hazardous industry, seriously consider changing jobs. And, of course, look at the beautiful, think about the good and smile more often!

Many people believe that babies choose their parents themselves. What if this is true? Then a good mood will definitely be your trump card.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

A balanced diet, physical activity, hygiene, the fight against chronic foci of infection (carious teeth, chronic tonsillitis, and others), the correct mode of work and rest are the main components of a healthy lifestyle. Exercise moderately and make sure that your diet is rational and energetically complete. If possible, limit yourself from negative factors at work (computer, chemicals, weight lifting).

Bad habits

Of course, we will not advise anyone to drink and smoke. But, if you are planning to conceive, then these bad habits can really interfere with the onset of pregnancy. Moreover, nicotine and alcohol reduce the reproductive function of both men and women, so spouses need to give them up together, holding hands together.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

Alcohol can interfere with conception and lead to fetal malformations. How much alcohol can negatively affect the egg - no doctor will answer. As for smoking, it is not tobacco itself that has a damaging effect on the egg, but the products of nicotine metabolism. The egg, accumulating toxic substances, loses the ability to be fertilized. In men, alcohol and nicotine do not affect the quantity, but the quality of sperm, that is, they contribute to a decrease in the number of motile spermatozoa, reducing the chances of conception. If conception occurs, then the pregnancy may end in a miscarriage.

severe stress

In an ideal world, women would probably spend their pregnancy planning phase in sun-drenched meadows picking flowers and watching the sunrise. But life is a striped thing, and not a single woman who dreams of a baby is immune from difficult situations. Unfortunately, serious stressful situations can not only seriously worsen one's well-being and mood, but also interfere with conception - failures can occur in the work of the reproductive system against the background of stress. Or maybe nature conceived this on purpose, so that before pregnancy you had time to bounce back and meet your future baby with joy?

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

Prolonged stress can prevent conception, since during this period the stress hormone prolactin is released into the blood, which in turn “overlaps” the sex hormones (LH, luteinizing hormone and FSH, follicle-stimulating hormone), which leads to a lack of ovulation. Also, against the background of stress, a decrease in the level of the hormone estriol is possible and, as a result, a decrease in the thickness of the endometrium, as a result of which the fetal egg will not have the opportunity to attach. In men, constant stress also contributes to a change in the ratio of the hormones LH and FSH, which negatively affects the quality of sperm and reduces the chances of successful conception.

Psychological infertility

What to do if the doctors unanimously say “healthy”, your husband is also fine, you haven’t had any serious shocks lately, and pregnancy still doesn’t occur? Perhaps it's all about the psychological block. In this case, at the subconscious level, at the word "pregnancy" in the head, the signal "danger" seems to turn on and the body itself blocks the possibility of conception. This "pregnancy ban" can be overcome with the help of a psychotherapist.

Expert opinion

Kira Natarova, Candidate of Medical Sciences, psychotherapist, lecturer at the Department of Psychology, Novosibirsk State University

There is a so-called "psychological infertility" - when, in the absence of a pathology of the reproductive system, pregnancy does not occur in both partners. There may be several reasons for this kind of infertility: unsuccessful pregnancies in the past and the attitude that has formed against their background that the next time will be the same, too strong, hysterical expectation of pregnancy, unsupported by any facts, confidence in one's own inability to conceive.

Psychological traumas suffered by a woman - rape, rough treatment, violence in childhood can play a huge role. A concomitant factor may be a complicated financial situation - lack of funds, separate housing.

Of course, general well-being and emotional state affect the ability to conceive, but in different women this manifests itself in different ways - it depends on the psychological characteristics of the individual. For example, severe depression, stressful situations can lead to cycle failure or to the complete cessation of menstruation. Fear of infertility, fear of being unable to be a good mother can also be the cause of infertility.

It is extremely difficult to recognize a psychological block without the help of a specialist, you can get even more confused, delve into painful experiences, confuse causes and effects, and, on the contrary, increase psychological infertility. The causes of psychological infertility are extremely diverse, complex and individual, so I definitely do not recommend doing such things on your own, only a highly qualified psychotherapist can help here.

Express test from our expert

Check yourself, answer the questions:

Can I be called anxious, suspicious, prone to winding up the situation?
Have I previously had depression, a severe reaction to stress, or other psychological problems?
Have there been psychological traumas in my life?
Are there financial problems in the family?
Do we have difficulties in our relationship with our spouse?
Do I have unmotivated fears - infertility, not being a good mother?

If you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions, then it is quite possible that you can solve your problem with the help of a psychotherapist. Good luck!

An important and interesting topic? Then leave a link to this publication in the social network!

“I can’t get pregnant, although there are no health problems” - more and more modern women complain about the inability to have a child for psychological reasons. In such cases, doctors shrug their shoulders: from the point of view of physiology, everything is in order with the woman, but for some reason pregnancy does not occur. The author Daily Baby, together with experienced specialists, figured out what psychological infertility is, who is susceptible to it and how to deal with it.

Psychological infertility is not a myth

In order to conceive and endure a baby, physical health alone is not enough. It is important that future parents deal with their psychological problems and be ready for a new stage in life. What does it mean?

Imagine: a couple dreams of a child. Within a few months, young people take tests, go to doctors and prepare to become parents. Experts issue a verdict: you are perfectly healthy and can have children. However, weeks, months, maybe even years pass, and pregnancy does not occur. From a medical point of view, a couple is considered infertile if they do not have a child within a year of regular unprotected intercourse.

So what's the deal if both partners are physically healthy? Having learned such a couple closer, you can see: the girl is terribly afraid of childbirth and the very fact of the appearance of a new person in herself. A man can worry about finances - he doesn’t get much, but you still have to pay a loan for a car. Both sincerely want a child, but somewhere deep inside they put blocks: “we can’t do it”, “it’s not time yet, we have too many problems” and “I’m afraid”.

Oksana Naumova, a clinical psychologist with a specialization in systemic psychosomatic therapy RECALL HEALING, a 2nd stage Gestalt therapist (specialization in Trauma Therapy in the Gestalt Approach), comments.

- Infertility is a complex of various psychological and physiological factors that lead to a violation in human reproduction. When, against the background of physiological health, a couple cannot conceive and bear a child, they talk about a possible psychological reason.

Infertility is both male and female. It can be caused by internal contradictions regarding the birth of children, conflicts with parents, partners, age crises, the desire to build a career.

The birth of children can interfere with such plans. The high level of infantilism of future parents, various fears become a serious obstacle to the realization of the dream of becoming parents.

A symptom is always a consequence, it is necessary to clarify what it comes from, what precedes it.

Perinatal psychologist, doula and mother of four children Yulia Plotnikova also believes that infertility often has a psychological basis.

- A self-sufficient, beloved and loving person, who has been surrounded by care and attention since childhood, has less risk of psychological infertility. If from childhood there were some problems in the family, upbringing, relationships with others, there is a possibility of difficulties with conception. Very often, a woman of childbearing age, healthy and full of strength, is simply not mentally ready for motherhood. Her parents, husband, society put pressure on her: she needs to give birth. And she doesn't seem to mind, but it doesn't work. Nature is amazingly smart. The body feels: something is not right, there is some danger from the outside, this is not the time to get pregnant. These clamps need to be removed by visiting not a gynecologist, but a psychologist or even a psychotherapist, Yulia explains.

By the way, some psychologists prefer not to use the word "infertility". They replace it with the term "unfulfilled desire to have a child." After all, psychological infertility is quite easy to treat, so this diagnosis is temporary and implies that the couple cannot yet conceive a baby.

Some experts are sure that infertility has a psychosomatic nature. The inability to conceive a child is seen in this case as a reaction to a psychological or emotional conflict.

- As long as the problem does not go beyond the scope of psychology, a person does not get sick. But as soon as it passes into the category of physiology, the brain transfers the conflict to the body, and the disease begins to develop. Many illnesses are nothing more than a biological interaction between the part of the brain that controls the problematic organ and that organ itself, which contains the biological conflict. There is a theory that there are no accidents in life. Psychological infertility often signals unpreparedness for the appearance of a baby. The body, as it were, gives people time to rethink their life priorities and realize: are we ready to become parents?

It also happens that a couple despairs of becoming pregnant and adopts a child. And after some time, the couple give birth to a joint baby. This is neither an accident nor a pattern. After all, the reasons stored inside each of the couple are resolved in due time or not resolved, says Oksana Naumova.

Why doesn't it work?

There are many psychological causes of infertility. Here are just some of them:

fear of responsibility and unwillingness to change your life because of the baby,
fear of childbirth
lack of trust in a partner
subconscious fear of spoiling the figure, getting stretch marks and tears,
financial trouble and, as a result, uncertainty about the future,
lack of confidence that you can become a good parent for your child,
psychological immaturity: “I am still a child myself, what kind of children do I have”,
pressure from others: everyone is forcing me to grow up and have an heir. The body includes protection: in principle I will not follow the lead of “everyone”.

- Each person is the keeper of all or part of the family history, what he heard, saw, experienced.

Everyone is faced with numerous family, social and mental phenomena and processes, trying to find integrity with the appearance of meaning in their existence. “I don’t want to be who I am”: this situation can be the cause of infertility, when a woman unconsciously tries to prevent the appearance of offspring in order to interrupt the lineage, of which she is ashamed. Another psychosomatic aspect of infertility may be the following: "not being the way your parents want you to be." This is such an unconscious protest against parents, says psychologist Oksana Naumova.

According to Oksana, civil marriage can become the cause of infertility, because any woman needs stability and security. And the birth of a child in an unsafe environment is a serious stress for the expectant mother.

- The events of the surrounding world in which a woman is located can affect the functioning of her reproductive system.

The phenomenon of wartime amenorrhea is known, when women did not have menstruation. The female body received a command: “not the time for conception” and stopped working as nature tells it to. Nothing seems to threaten the woman and the descendant, and the “on” button is not pressed.

In peacetime, women feel no less danger and unconsciously do not allow themselves to become pregnant, for example, during an economic crisis. Especially if a woman has financial difficulties, - explains the psychologist.

Often a woman has a fear of pain, a fear of dying during childbirth or losing a baby. This can be especially acute if such cases have already been in the family.

- The unconscious feeling that motherhood is grief can contribute to an internal rejection of it.

There are cultures in which the birth of boys is welcomed and the attitude towards a woman depends on the gender of the child she gave birth to. Unconscious fear of becoming pregnant with a girl can suppress reproduction. Religious attitudes also influence the realization of the maternal sphere. Women are emotional creatures, they clearly feel the attitude towards themselves in society and realize this through their reproductive behavior. One of the important components of the psychological factors of infertility is the motivational conflict in the psyche of a woman. She does everything to get pregnant, while there is no place for the child in her outer and inner spaces. Often it is important for a woman not to lose face, she asks herself the question: can I become a good mother? This is very unnerving for the expectant mother. Anxiety, fear - all this negatively affects the ability to get pregnant, - explains Oksana Naumova.

Julia Plotnikova is sure: it is important to solve psychological problems that prevent getting pregnant in time. After all, they accumulate and form a huge snowball, which over time is more and more difficult to cope with.

- One of the possible causes of psychological infertility is distrust of a partner. A woman either cannot choose a permanent life partner at all, or does not really trust the man who is in her life.

Many psychosomatic situations arise from this, interfering with a calm conception. Sometimes there is a vicious circle. A woman is trying to get pregnant, she doesn’t succeed right away, and fear appears: what if I don’t succeed at all. There are many questions: why does it not work? What is wrong with me? All this negatively affects reproductive function and it becomes even more difficult to get pregnant.

A woman may be afraid of a new role. What will happen when she becomes a mother? There is a fear of losing independence, freedom, status and position in society. How to deal with a child? How to survive childbirth? In what direction will my life change? There are a lot of fears. Such unconscious fears give rise to psychological clamps in the body, contribute to the production of “wrong” hormones that prevent conception. If a person subconsciously feels these fears, naturally, the body is filled with clamps and hormones that do not allow you to relax and live here and now, says Yulia.

Constant tension and the race for the result, in this case, for two stripes on the test - all this only exacerbates the situation. If a woman is obsessed with the idea of getting pregnant, and all lovemaking with her husband comes down to only one thing: to conceive a baby, this can backfire. Failure leads to more fear, then the next failure happens, the fear intensifies. It turns out a snowball. Psychological infertility often arises when attempts to have a child go from quivering expectation to the category of “should” and “should”.

Do men have psychological infertility?

Psychological reasons for the inability to conceive a child in women are much more common than in men. They are more diverse and wider, but, in general, are similar.

- Men are still more often infertile physiologically. However, there are psychological reasons why a spouse may not be able to conceive a baby. A man, for example, is not afraid to give birth, but he may be afraid that his beloved woman will die during childbirth, especially if there have been such cases in the history of his family, says Oksana Naumova.

So, a man unconsciously at the right time for conception can avoid sexual contact, thereby preventing a woman from becoming pregnant.

- During meetings with a psychologist, a specialist identifies the reasons that prevent conceiving or bearing a child. It is very important to understand what exactly prevents this couple from becoming parents. Sometimes it happens that men, without realizing it and not wanting it, become the main cause of the psychological infertility of their beloved wife. Sometimes a man does not understand his wife, does not know how or does not want to support his wife at such a crucial moment in life. The indifference and detachment of the husband lead the woman to the idea that she does not want to have children. It also happens that a man subconsciously or even consciously does not want children from a particular woman or does not want to become a father at all. In this case, his body can produce antibodies that reduce the quality of sperm or sperm motility, explains Oksana Naumova.

What to do?

If during the diagnosis it turns out that from a physiological point of view, the couple is doing well, it is recommended to look for the causes of infertility at consultations with a perinatal psychologist. The specialist will reveal the true reasons for the inability to conceive a baby and help overcome fears.

- Take care of yourself, eat well, exercise, practice good sleep and rest, avoid stress. In addition to psychotherapy, other methods can be used, such as acupuncture. And be sure to work with a professional psychologist: he will help you overcome all fears and complexes, Oksana Naumova advises.

The specialist is sure: it is important to understand that a child is not only difficulties, but also a great happiness. Then the female body will “accept” the pregnancy and “agree” to bear the baby.

Psychologist Yulia Plotnikova adds: sometimes you just need to “let go” of the situation and relax as much as possible.

- As soon as a woman accepts the situation, relaxes and stops worrying about not being able to get pregnant, she succeeds. Children come at the very moment when parents are most joyful, when they are filled with calmness, peace and love. When they do not worry, but live here and now. Even physiological problems with conception can be explained in psychology. They are often associated with a woman's failure to accept her role: she is ashamed of herself, her physiology, femininity, sexuality. All these complexes and clamps must be removed, then the long-awaited pregnancy will definitely come.

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In childhood, many girls fantasize about how they will grow up, get married, have children. And so we learned, started working, met a person with whom we want to be together. The time has come, we thought about the children. It happens that at this point the story stops the course we have planned: pregnancy still does not occur. This gives rise to a variety of feelings, from guilt (“I did something wrong”) to anger (“why is this happening to me”).

According to statistics, in 10-20% of cases it is impossible to establish the causes of infertility: both partners are healthy, but it is still impossible to conceive. Psychologists and doctors agree that this problem can have not only medical, but also psychological reasons: physical processes are disturbed due to emotional conflict.

Most often, with reproductive difficulties, the internal conflict looks like this: a woman simultaneously wants to become a mother and is afraid of it. Most of the fears associated with the birth of a child lie in three areas.

1. Loss of independence

Nastya has been married for three years. She had a favorite job, she and her husband traveled a lot and enjoyed gathering with friends. Everything went well, except for one "but": Nastya could not get pregnant. The girl turned to a psychologist, and in the process of therapy it turned out that in her mind the child means "the end of life": the rejection of a career, travel, entertainment - everything that is dear to her. Nastya wanted to become a mother, and at the same time, the prospect of “losing herself” frightened her. Gradually, the girl was able to cope with her fears and, having completed an important project at work, she discovered that she was pregnant.

Caring for a child does require a lot of emotional and physical resources. A woman has to completely rebuild her life, and for a while she does not belong to herself. Not too long ago, I researched attitudes towards parenting among mothers of babies. When asked what is the most difficult thing in motherhood, the participants most often named the restriction of personal freedom. You need to be prepared for this restriction, but do not forget that it is temporary.

2. Relationship with husband

Masha was married for 8 years, but the couple had no children. Relations with her husband were not easy. He is a musician, he had emotional ups and downs and prolonged depression. He usually blamed his wife for his failures. Masha was responsible for a stable income. In such a situation, she could not relax and feel protected. After parting with her husband, Masha met a man who treated her with more care and attention. 2 months after the wedding, the girl became pregnant and gave birth to a son.

Stress signals the body that external conditions are not suitable for procreation.

During pregnancy and caring for a baby, a woman is extremely vulnerable, it is important for her to rely on a partner and receive support. In a situation of chronic stress, our body is maximally mobilized, and all other processes slow down.

American researchers David Barash and Samuel Wasser developed a reproductive suppression model. According to this model, stress signals the body that environmental conditions are not suitable for procreation. In response to stress, the production of sex hormones involved in the process of conception and pregnancy decreases. The authors of the model include, first of all, the psychological state of future parents as unfavorable factors, because it can prevent adults from taking care of the child.

3. Relationship with mother

Until the age of 32, Olga did not think about children, but gradually all her friends became mothers. Increasingly, seeing off another colleague on maternity leave, Olya heard jokingly: “Well, when is your turn?” The husband was ready and wanted to replenish the family. The girl thought: why not? Someday you still have to give birth, and age is running out. But I couldn't get pregnant.

In the process of psychotherapeutic work, it turned out that Olya's relationship with her mother was not easy, full of rejection and conflicts. Olga was unconsciously afraid to repeat the behavior of her own mother and did not believe that she would be able to treat the child differently. The girl managed to process her childhood experience and believe in herself. A year and a half later, she gave birth to a daughter.

Motherhood is a challenge to our adulthood and ability to love.

If the relationship with the mother is difficult, the very image of the mother becomes repulsive. We find it hard to believe that the relationship between mother and child can be warm and accepting. Psychoanalyst Dinora Pines, in her book A Woman's Unconscious Use of Her Body, writes that anger at a mother can be directed not at a real person, but at the mother in herself. Then the woman unconsciously or intentionally comes to the rejection of motherhood.

Motherhood is an amazing and challenging experience at the same time. It is a challenge to our adulthood and ability to love, a test of our relationship with a partner, and a reminder of our childhood experiences. It is important to strive for the joy of being a parent, but with acceptance to deal with difficulties. This allows you to feel more confident and take a step towards a new unknown experience.

about the author

Psychologist, psychotherapist, specializes in the psychology of pregnancy and parenthood.

Trying to answer this question, many infertile couples besiege the offices of urologists, gynecologists, endocrinologists. And they do not suspect that the source of their troubles is sometimes not health problems, but ... wrong psychological attitudes.

In what situations can psychological infertility occur? And how do you get pregnant?

Word to our expert - sexologist, psychotherapist, member of the Psychotherapeutic League, doctor of the highest category Elena Aladina.

I want but I can not

Often, when young people get married, one of them wants to have a child, and the other does not. But in order to save the marriage, the "refusenik" says: "Yes, yes, I want a child!" Formally agrees, but in fact does not want to become a parent. And conception does not occur.

What to do: Admit to yourself what you really want: to give the world a new life, or to postpone the decision of this issue for a while. And then discuss the same with your other half.

It would be nice, but...

Another reason why healthy people cannot have a baby is lack of motivation. At the same time, both spouses seem to sincerely want to have children, love each other, want the family to be complete, real. But due to the fact that there are always some other interests, pregnancy does not occur. Either you want to go on vacation in the summer, or you want to get a higher position ...

Many women are afraid of losing their physical attractiveness after giving birth. Others worry that they will drop out of social life for a while, lose their former freedom. Especially if there is no opportunity to hire a nanny.

What to do: Decide what is more important to you: a career, material well-being, a slim figure or a large friendly family and cozy gatherings at a common table in the evenings. Imagine how your life will change after the birth of a child and what it will be like if he is not born.

Communicate more with families with small children. And you will understand that many of your fears are groundless. An amazing atmosphere of love reigns around the newborn. Charge with positive emotions!

IDEFIX

It happens that the desire to have a child becomes an overvalued idea, an end in itself. And all other tasks, hobbies, aspirations fade before this. Nothing matters anymore, nothing matters. And often women who are being treated for infertility become hostages of charts, temperature curves and do not understand that they are destroying relationships with their husbands. A man loses his human attractiveness in their eyes, and is used only as a means for conception. Few people like this.

It is not uncommon for women who are eager to give birth to join groups on the Internet, further exacerbating their problem. And, having heard enough of other people's sad stories, they fall into a deep depression.

What to do: Take a break from heavy, obsessive thoughts and just try to enjoy life, chat with friends, spend more time with your beloved husband - and pregnancy will come by itself without any calculations of schedules.

In bed with the enemy

Another reason for psychological infertility is interpersonal conflict in a couple, when one of the spouses, or maybe both, instead of sincerely exchanging their opinions, resorts to manipulation, quarrels, scandals.

Often this happens because each of us has a different family model, our own understanding of marriage, which does not always coincide with the opinion of our chosen one.

What to do: In this case, the husband and wife need to frankly express their claims to each other and reconcile. If it is difficult to figure it out on your own, you can seek help from a family psychologist.

What will people say

Sometimes the opinion of parents and friends can also become the cause of psychological infertility. “Why do you need baby diapers?! Live for yourself!" - such "well-wishers" advise.

What to do: Connect with those who support you and limit the influence and conversations of those who are negative. And, quite possibly, the desired pregnancy will not be long in coming.

-When a woman is fixated on wanting to get pregnant, she sacrifices her life, nature does not reciprocate. And everyone knows cases when a woman “let go” of her desire and suddenly became pregnant.

Some get pregnant on the first try, while others try for years, but everything turns out to be unsuccessful. What is the reason?

If you want to improve your chances of having a baby, don't make the common mistakes that we will tell you about.

1. Worry too often

Stress is one of the main factors that reduce the likelihood of conception. If the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, rises in a woman's body, this can negatively affect her fertility. American scientists observed 400 couples who were trying to become parents, and came to the following conclusions: if a woman has a high level of alpha-amylase (a stress indicator), her chances of getting pregnant are reduced by 29% compared to those who have this indicator within the normal range. Experts believe that under the influence of chronic stress, the production of hormones that ensure a stable cycle decreases.

If you're having trouble getting pregnant, try to relax and let go of the situation for a while. Try meditation, yoga - it has asanas that improve blood flow to the pelvis and thus stimulate the synthesis of necessary hormones. This has a positive effect on the ability to conceive. Stop constantly planning a pregnancy. Instead, just remind yourself daily that this is a miracle that happens very often.

2. Don't do too much or too little

A large number of couples are convinced that the chances of conceiving a baby will greatly increase if they do not have sex for a week, “saving” sperm. It's a delusion. After a week of abstinence, spermatozoa become much less mobile. Therefore, doctors advise having sex daily or every other day during the week before ovulation and the day it occurs. More frequent intimacy can negatively affect the ability of sperm to fertilize, and more rare creates a risk of missing the conception window.

It has been scientifically proven that regular sex life helps to stabilize the cycle: the male body releases hormones that affect the female reproductive system. Therefore, with regular sex, more estrogen is produced.

3. Use dubious methods

Although we live in the 21st century, many women continue to douche, believing in the miracle of this method. It seems that there is logic in this: from infections, malnutrition, bad habits, the environment in the vagina becomes acidic, and the sperm in it dies and cannot fertilize the egg. Therefore, many begin to introduce a weak soda solution so that the environment becomes alkaline and favorable for conception.

Doctors do not support douching: along with harmful microorganisms, baking soda destroys beneficial ones, violating the natural pH of the vagina. There is still a risk of exacerbation of inflammatory processes, due to which damage and erosion of the cervix can develop, which can often be identified only on examination by a gynecologist.

4. Make mistakes in calculations

The most common mistake is the incorrect determination of the day of ovulation. In most women, it occurs in the middle of the cycle, but this applies to women with a 28-32 day cycle. Ovulation usually occurs 14 days before your period starts. Therefore, if you have a 24-day cycle, then ovulation will occur on day 10. If your cycle is noticeably longer, say 42 days, then it can be assumed that you are ovulating less often, not in every cycle. In this case, and also if you have an irregular cycle (in this case, ovulation can be either on day 6 or on day 21), or you do not remember the last time you had your period, forget these rules. Here you can not do without an ovulation test, with which you can easily find out when you have a conception window.

Often women make another mistake - they count the beginning of the cycle not from the first day of menstruation. The day of the onset of menstruation is the one on which the blood begins to flow, not the day before and not the day after. It is very important to know the exact day of the beginning of the cycle, because for a successful conception, the count goes literally to the clock.

5. Blame yourself

With unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, infertility on the part of the woman is usually assumed. Only in reality both partners have the same degree of responsibility. According to statistics, men are infertile in 40% of cases, women in another 40%, and in the remaining 20%, unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant are due to partner compatibility problems. Therefore, do not panic ahead of time: on average, a healthy couple needs from 6 months to 1 year to conceive.

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6. Try to fit everything on schedule

Pregnancy cannot be accurately planned. Although healthy couples usually need from 6 months to a year to conceive, sometimes the first six months take a woman only to normalize the cycle, which has gone astray due to birth control. Until the cycle becomes regular, there will be no ovulation. So, if after 6 months the menstrual cycle has not returned to normal or you are not sure that you are ovulating, be sure to go to the gynecologist.

7. Hurry

For many, the assertion that after sex a woman needs to lie on her back for 20 minutes with raised buttocks is sarcastic. But, according to doctors, it increases the chances of getting pregnant by 80%. So do not neglect this method.

8. Ignore unrest for which there is a reason

Consulting a doctor is not paranoia. There are situations when you should not ignore what is bothering you, because it is not only about you, but also about the unborn baby. It is possible that your cycle has always been irregular, and this is the reason why you cannot get pregnant. Or maybe you have some kind of illness, and you want to make sure that this does not threaten the health of the unborn baby.

If you are worried or unsure about something, see a specialist. He will explain to you what surprises and difficulties you may encounter. If you then have difficulty trying to conceive, you will know what to do.

9. Can't give up bad habits

At least a year before the planned pregnancy, you should quit bad habits. Doctors around the world warn: the first trimester is the most important stage in the formation of the body of the unborn baby. Even a meager dose of alcohol can cause him irreparable harm.

Some women drink alcohol in the early stages of pregnancy, not realizing their interesting position. So, if you are not using protection, either give up alcohol and cigarettes, or reduce their use to a minimum.

10. Don't take care of your partner's health

What harms your fertility can also negatively affect a man's ability to conceive. Tobacco, alcohol, unhealthy diet degrade the quality and reduce the amount of sperm. According to research, smoking and alcohol damage spermatozoa at the chromosome level. Considering that a complete renewal of sperm takes 3 months, at least for this period your partner should give up bad habits. Make sure that his diet is balanced, including selenium, vitamins C and E - they are very useful for men's health.

The effect of temperature on a man's ability to conceive has not been proven. American experts believe that it is not essential for the work of the male genital organs. However, some doctors advise against frequent hot baths, even if the man has no problems with sperm quality.

A number of studies indicate that scrotum temperature rises when a person holds a laptop on their lap for a long time. Other experts have found that mobile phone radiation can reduce a man's ability to conceive, especially if the gadget is in a trouser pocket. Yet a clear relationship between warmth and male fertility has not been established.