Orthodox and Muslim love. A Christian woman married a Muslim without a guardian. Is this marriage right? Nikah between a Muslim and a Christian
Help me find confirmation in the Holy Quran or Sunnah for the prohibition of marriage between a Muslim woman and a non-believer?
There is no direct prohibition on marrying a Christian or a Jew in the Koran, but there are plenty of indirect arguments. For example:
“Do not marry [Muslim women] to pagans until those [pagans] believe” (see).
One of the main arguments in favor of the inadmissibility of the marriage of a Muslim woman with a non-Muslim is that, by the nature of the relationship, the main thing in the family is the husband. The wife follows or tries to follow him in everything. If the husband is a non-Muslim, then the Muslim wife will gradually have to give up her religious principles and values. In the upbringing of children, it is the husband who also puts accents.
In the canonical inadmissibility of such a marriage, all Muslim scholars are unanimous
It goes without saying that it is better to choose a Muslim as a husband, since the husband is the head of the family, with all the ensuing consequences. But I know a person who is a Christian (at the same time, I have some degree of confidence that the Almighty for him is not triune, but one). In addition, the existing alternative in the form of an ethnic Muslim horrifies me. I am ready to admit that I wish this Muslim only the best, but I will not be able to live with him (after all, a family is created taking into account character and temperament). I hope for the mercy of Allah, who, if He wishes, will open his (Christian) heart to the truth (with my daily dua-prayers).
So, 1) does it make sense to choose an unloved person as a husband just because he is a Muslim? 2) How true will it be to allow children to independently decide on the choice of faith at a reasonable age (in every possible way instilling love for Islam from childhood)?
1. Most likely, no, it doesn't.
2. Your duty is to educate them in the spirit of Islam, that is, morality and morality, piety and religiosity. If you make all the necessary efforts for their righteous upbringing, create the conditions, then you are not responsible for the effectiveness. In this, rely on the Creator, having done everything that depends on you.
It is useful to recall a reliable hadith: “Every baby is born with a natural faith [in God, inherent in him initially], and this is until he begins to express (express) his thoughts in language (on his own). Parents educate him in the spirit of either the Jewish tradition, or Christian, or pagan [that is, parental education makes a significant contribution to the formation of religious foundations and norms, rules and principles of a new person]"
I am an ethnic Muslim. I adhere to something: I keep a fast, I do not drink alcohol, pork. I really want to pray. But I live with relatives, and they do not allow me, they are afraid that this can somehow interfere with my life, that I will limit myself very much. I am currently dating a young man. His mother is Christian and his father is Muslim. The young man is very good, decent, does not wish harm to anyone, believes in the Almighty, but does not fulfill anything from religious prescriptions. I don't know who to attribute it to. We seem to be in the process of getting married. Will I commit a big sin by marrying him? I hope that in the course of my life together I will influence him. Zara.
Relying on the Almighty, listen to the dictates of the heart and mind. A famous authentic hadith says: “Ask your [healthy, accustomed to right intentions and actions] heart.<…>Even if people give you a conclusion (advice)."
Don't complicate anything. Before the wedding, gently but frankly discuss with him all the exciting questions regarding future family life.
If he is well brought up, does not drink, does not commit adultery and has a minimum of piety, then this is already a significant plus. Introduce him to the Muslim tenets of faith and religious practice. If he agrees with them, speaking the testimony of Monotheism, then there are no canonical obstacles to marriage.
I'm confused about my feelings. Dated a non-Muslim for three years. He is a good person with no bad habits. I make a du’a so that he accepts Islam, begins to read namaz, but he always puts it off, finds reasons for this. A few months ago I met another guy, a Muslim. We dated for several months, liked each other, and he asked me to become his wife. I told him to wait until I finish college. The real reason is that I can’t do this with my first boyfriend, leave him, while he became like a native person to me, always took care of me. My mother, having learned about the proposal to marry, said that I did not know him and that it was impossible to recognize a person in a few months, and therefore she was against it. Milana, 21 years old.
I think you need to opt for a Muslim, not this one, but a friend, and it is desirable that he be of your nationality. Listen to the general opinion of the parents, before introducing them to your new young man and first getting to know his parents.
My future husband and I are of different religions: he is a Christian, I am a Muslim. With a little, but still difficulty, I persuaded him to read nikah. But he, in turn, asked me to go to church and get married. I don't know if this is allowed or not? Would this be considered "adoption of another religion"? Give, please, advice.
I am a Muslim, my future husband is Orthodox. And, as you know, you have to go to a mosque or a church for a wedding. How to be? And in whom will our children believe?
You should know that the marriage of a Muslim woman with a representative of another religion is unacceptable, except if her husband accepts Islam, and this implies, at a minimum, agreement with the foundations of the faith and pronouncing the formula of Monotheism.
Is it possible to marry a Christian without changing your faith? He does not want to accept the Muslim faith, and I do not want to accept him.
Canonically, a Muslim woman can only marry a Muslim man.
Tell me what to do if a Muslim girl lives with a non-Muslim? Parents are aware of this, and this guy is a very good person, but I know that it’s still a sin (if you can’t persuade him to become a Muslim). Nadia, 22 years old.
Study with him my book Soul World. If this works out, then there is some kind of deep mutual understanding between you. It remains to study the basics of faith and religious practice, clearly described in my book "Muslim Law 1-2". But note that there is no compulsion in religion.
I am a Christian, my favorite chosen one is a Muslim. I think I won’t be able to accept another faith, and my parents won’t understand either. In addition, I believe that God is still the same for everyone, no matter which path we choose to reach Him: Islam or Christianity. Moreover, the customs in a different faith are different, it is too hard to adjust and become different ... And we love each other very much and are really happy together! When concluding a marriage, according to what religious traditions should the ceremony be held? Maxim, 18 years old.
I will refrain from answering, but only advise you to carefully read the book to the end.
I'm dating a non-Muslim guy. He is German and I am Chechen. I don't commit any sins. He understands that he can't even touch me. I have been dating him for eight years, of which we have been friends for two years, everything else is already love. I tried to move away from him, stop dating, try to communicate with guys of my nationality, but nothing. I'm in pain and can't do anything. He doesn't want to let me go either. Can I marry him? I know that there are many questions like mine, but I really want you to answer exactly mine. Nadira, 22 years old.
It will be beneficial for both of you to read the opening chapters of the book Muslim Law, which deals with the basics of faith and religious practice. The theory is clearly stated there, and therefore you will not get confused. If he becomes a believer, agrees with the basics of faith and religious practice, pronounces the shahada (the formula of Monotheism), then it remains to settle everything with his relatives and find understanding and support in their face. Although you are 22 years old, the period of your relationship with him is long (eight years), and therefore I assume that in the context of creating a family for the rest of your life, everything has already been analyzed and seriously considered.
Shamil-khazrat, as you know, the Holy Quran says that girls and women should not be married to non-believers. But what if the girl left without the knowledge of the family? How to be with her? Should her guardians punish her for this and how?
No, her guardians do not punish her, but pray for this family so that its members acquire faith and piety. The Almighty Creator controls the hearts of people and can turn them in any direction, as stated in a reliable hadith. Therefore, pray for them.
I'm getting married soon, my future husband is Russian. I asked him to have a nikah. But somehow he doesn't dare. Tell me, please, if we have a nikah, will his faith remain with him? And what does the mullah read in nikah? He asked me about this, but I do not know what to answer. Malika, 26 years old.
Canonically, a Muslim woman is forbidden to marry a representative of another religion. Therefore, nikah in your case is impossible and unacceptable. If the groom agrees with the basic postulates of faith and pronounces the formula of Monotheism, then you can conclude nikah. During the nikah, the following are voiced: instruction, asking for your consent to marriage with the groom, and several prayer formulas.
I am married to an Orthodox, Russian. We have a daughter. We love each other very much. We went to a distant country so that the relatives of my parents would not see me. My parents stopped communicating with me and forbid it to my sisters and brothers. I understand them. But it’s hard for me without parental blessing. How to be? Rima, 30 years old.
You should carefully study the postulates of the Muslim faith (there are six in total) and the basics of religious practice (there are five of them), for example, on our website (website) or in my book “Muslim Law 1-2”. When you understand them, imagine informing your husband about this in a form that is understandable to him. If he agrees with them and testifies before you that God is one and Muhammad is His final messenger, then your problem will be solved before the Creator. And if she made up her mind before Him, then she would be resolved in everything else. You will also need constant growth, development in the spiritual, intellectual and physical plane, which will open up new wonderful prospects and opportunities for you and your husband.
See: al-Kurtubi M. Al-jami ‘li ahkyam al-kur’an [Code of Qur’anic regulations]. In 20 vols. Beirut: al-Kutub al-‘ilmiya, 1988. V. 3. S. 48, 49; al-Zuhayli V. Al-fiqh al-islami wa adillatuh. In 11 vols. T. 9. S. 6652, and also vol. 7. S. 5108.
Hadith from al-Aswad ibn Sari'a; St. X. Abu Ya'la, at-Tabarani, al-Baykhaki. See, for example: as-Suyuty J. Al-jami‘ as-sagyr. S. 396, Hadith No. 6356, Sahih.
St. x. Ahmad and ad-Darimi. See, for example: Nuzha al-muttakin. Sharh riad as-salihin [Walk of the righteous. Commentary on the book "Gardens of the Good"]. In 2 vols. Beirut: ar-Risala, 2000. Vol. 1. S. 432, Hadith No. 4/591, "Hasan".
They are most intelligibly stated in my book "Muslim Law 1-2". Let him read at least the first 70 pages.
“Ashhadu alla ilahe illa llah, wa ashhadu anna muhammadar-rasulul-lah” (I testify that there is no god but the One God, and I testify that Muhammad is His messenger) .
Now, quite often, girls on the forums write “I’m looking for a Muslim husband”, considering Muslim guys a more profitable party - religion forbids them to drink alcohol, and family is a sacred concept for them. But is it really so good in Muslim families? Surely there are some peculiarities here.
Muslim husband, Christian wife
Many ladies are interested in whether it is possible for a Christian woman to marry a Muslim, will the wife be obliged to accept another faith? According to the laws of Islam, a Christian woman may not renounce her faith, but she will not be able to raise a child in Christianity - he will have to become a Muslim. You also need to remember that parents in Muslim society are very respected, and therefore their word is often equated with the law. And if the parents are categorically against the Christian bride, then the man is more likely to break off the relationship than to argue with his parents.
Marrying a Muslim - features of a Muslim family
Often women think about how to marry a Muslim, and not about how they will live with him. In order to get to know a Muslim, there are no special problems - if domestic ones are not satisfied, then you can look for them on vacation or in universities that accept foreign students, as well as on the Internet. But before turning away from men of your religion, think about whether you can follow all the rules of a Muslim family. There are the following features and not for every woman they will be acceptable. Of course, it all depends on people, but it’s worth being prepared for such moments:
Perhaps these rules seem complicated and incomprehensible to a non-Muslim woman. But on the other hand, in the person of a Muslim husband who honors his religion, you will receive a faithful, devoted, honest, sympathetic family man with excellent moral qualities and without addiction to alcohol, who will love you and children, honor your relatives and will not interfere with you in observing your religion.
Islamic canon marriage law allows marriages between Muslims and women of the People of the Book (Christians and Jews). At all times - both during the period of the Prophet's mission and in our day - Muslim men could marry Christian and Jewish women.
Today, in the context of globalization and mixing of cultures, as a result of interfaith marriages, a number of problems arise in families, for example, with raising children in the spirit of the Islamic faith or instilling in them an Islamic worldview. The demographic factor is also important: the marriages of Muslims with non-Muslim women to a certain extent reduce the chances of Muslim women to find a spouse of the same faith, forcing them to marry non-Muslims, which is canonically unlawful.
The vast majority of authoritative scholars of Islam, including theologians of all four madhhabs, expressed the opinion that it is undesirable for a Muslim to marry a woman from the People of the Book. As an argument, the example of the second righteous caliph ‘Umar is given, who, when he was the ruler of the faithful, called on Muslims to divorce Christian and Jewish wives. All but Hudhaifa immediately divorced. The same divorced his wife after some time, thus showing that there is no direct ban on this kind of marriage in Islam, but the command of the Caliph cannot be disobeyed.
'Umar's order was not unfounded. In view of the canonical permissibility of marriages of Muslims with women from the People of the Book, many Muslims began to marry Christians and Jews, but did not subsequently show a desire to introduce their wives to the Truth of the Koranic gospel, to strengthen them in Islamic virtue.
Some theologians, especially those of the Hanafi madhhab, declare that such marriages are forbidden (haram) in a non-Islamic state where Muslims are a minority, since under such conditions, basically, the question of the personal religious status of a believer - the right to live - has remained unresolved. in accordance with the canons of their creed, which implies the free exercise of religious needs (including the possibility of timely performance of five prayers), regulation of their lives in accordance with Sharia law (in matters of family, marriage, inheritance, etc.). An important factor is the nationalist, anti-Islamic sentiments in society in some states and propaganda in the media, as well as (perhaps as a result of the above) the categorical desire of a non-Muslim wife to raise children in a different (non-Islamic) religious tradition. This state of affairs cannot but have an impact, first of all, on families in which the spouse (the keeper of the hearth, mother and educator of children) is not a Muslim: the spiritual-religious and national-cultural foundations of the family are weakened.
Of course, Islamic canons allow marriages between Muslims, on the one hand, and Christians or Jews, on the other, but you need to understand that this permission of the Lord contains hidden wisdom and benefit. A person who has embarked on the path of truth will try to help his neighbor to find this path, will make every effort to ensure that his family members hear the Word of the Lord and practice His commandments, which is sometimes not easy to do even in a Muslim family if society and the environment do not contribute.
That Muslim who marries a woman of the Christian or Jewish faith because of her beauty, but then makes no effort to make her understand and accept Muslim values, falls under the aforementioned order of Caliph ‘Umar. If he neglects this serious warning, then he calls into question the well-being of himself and his children in both worlds.
Summarizing the above, we can conclude that the marriage of a Muslim with a chaste and well-behaved woman of Christian and Jewish cultures is canonically allowed, however, it is necessary to take into account (1) the preservation of the husband's status in the family according to the canons of Islam, (2) the desirability of the spouse adopting Islamic dogma and (3) the obligation to raise children in the spirit of morality and religiosity, commanded by the Holy Quran and the Sunnah of the final Messenger of God (may the Almighty bless him and welcome). And all this should be in the context of faith in the One God, among whose last prophets were Moses, Jesus and Muhammad.
May the Almighty protect us from rash acts and grant us and our descendants ways and opportunities to achieve happiness in the earthly world and in the eternal world!
Answers to questions on the topic
I am Orthodox and he is Muslim. We fell in love and would like to start a family. Is this possible and under what conditions?
If your feelings are full, sincere and mutual, then try to see the world through the prism of the worldview that your loved one lives in and, perhaps, you yourself will answer the questions that have arisen.
I am a baptized Christian, I love a Muslim very much. Love has been mutual for almost five years, but we can’t start a family, because my young man can’t decide on nikah because I don’t accept Islam. His mom doesn't mind me. He recently asked for advice from his relative, a mullah, who said that I must definitely convert to Islam.
I relate to Islam very well, knowing that God is One. I want our future children to be Muslims. Yes, and I, perhaps, will accept Islam if I come to this myself. I consider it wrong to take such a responsible step as the adoption of a different faith, knowing practically nothing about it. Give, please, advice. And is it sinful if I accept Islam because I love a man very much, and he wants to marry a Muslim woman? Tatyana, 27 years old.
You say that the feelings have been mutual for 5 years already, but if your intentions are serious, why have you not decided for such a long time whether you need Muslim spiritual values in your life or not?! And one more thing: if your friend cohabits with you (lives like a wife) all these years, then it is not clear what values he is guided by and what he follows. It turns out that Islam is a kind of formal status, but otherwise - live as you please, the main thing is that words such as “live according to the Koran and Sunnah”, “how is it according to Sharia”, etc. Strange, isn't it?
My Christian wife wants to get married. Can I marry her, and then perform a similar ritual according to Muslim traditions? If it is possible, what should be done and how? Nail, 21 years old.
There is no need to get married, you should not do this, registration in the registry office and a Muslim marriage will be enough.
My fiancé is a Muslim, I am a Christian. His parents insist that I change my religion, otherwise I will not be accepted into the family. But I am not ready for this, to be more precise, this religion is absolutely unknown to me, to tell the truth, it is even scary, because, I think, this is a great sin. What should I do? I'm afraid of losing my young man. Veronica, 27 years old.
Yes, from the point of view of any denomination, a change of faith is regarded as a sin, apostasy. But "there is no compulsion in religion!" (Holy Quran, 2:256). Only your heart can tell you what to do. For an introduction to Islam, read my books The Path to Faith and Perfection and Peace of the Soul.
I am a Christian dating a Muslim. We have a wonderful relationship, but I was married and I'm afraid to tell him about it. I think that if I tell him, he will decide to leave. I'm tired of being silent and it's getting harder and harder to communicate because of this. After all, for him it is a shame, on my part a deceit. Irina, 22 years old.
It's best to tell the truth.
I have Muslim roots, I myself am half Armenian. I would like to connect my life with a Muslim. I am drawn to Islam. But as soon as I start a relationship with some young man from this environment, after a while everything stops just because I am a non-Christian. Answer, why are parents sometimes against the happiness of their children? I am from a decent family, modest and educated, but they seem not to look at that.
They, parents, have their own understanding of happiness. For each person it has its own shapes, shades, colors.
I married a Russian girl. After the marriage, I found out that she was not a girl, she had a relationship with another before me. Can I continue to live with her? Is this allowed or prohibited? Now she is studying Islam and is going to become a Muslim.
Your situation is a sad and common reality of our time. In this case, canonically you have the right to divorce, but you can continue to live with her if you think that she has repented of her deed and is not going to repeat this kind of sinful and harmful actions.
I hope you yourself did not have an intimate relationship with anyone before marrying her.
Tell me, please, what should a Muslim who is married to a non-Muslim woman who does not accept Islam, although she says in words that she wants to become a Muslim, do nothing?
Be a full-fledged Muslim, that is, such a person from whom only good, positive, creative energy comes, both in relation to others and in relation to yourself (the desire to successfully realize your potential and constantly improve yourself intellectually, physically, spiritually). This will require a serious attitude and a lot of energy and effort from you, but everything will quickly pay off with the result. Do not be rude, do not force, and you will see how those around you will be transformed as a result of your personal transformation. "Example is more powerful than preaching" (S. Johnson).
What do you think, can I, a Muslim, marry a Christian girl who wants to convert to Islam, as it seems to me, for my sake, for the sake of marriage (not by conviction yet)? Jimmy.
Theoretically, you can, but practically, it is very responsible and has dangerous prospects for you and your future children.
Is it permissible for a Muslim man to live with a non-Muslim wife, although he has called and admonished her many times? I know that a Muslim can live with a Christian, Jewish wife. And if it does not apply at all to either the first or the second?
The question of whether it is possible to live with a non-Muslim wife (especially not related to either Christians or Jews) would be relevant if asked before marriage, and not now, when the relationship has already been realized.
For a Muslim, as a person obedient, devoted to God, in such a situation, patience is the only key to preserving the family, especially one in which there is a child who needs both fatherly and motherly care. In addition, it can be very difficult for a person who has been formed as a person in a society in which spirituality is clearly in decline to change his inner world, fill it with faith, and even more so to understand and accept the final Scripture sent down to all mankind, especially when there is no living example of Muslim virtue, for example, in the face of a beloved husband. By the way, some married couples took years to come to the Divine Truth.
My husband is a Tatar, a Muslim, I am Orthodox, and very religious, observing all fasts and canons, from a non-drinking and non-smoking family. Before the wedding, my husband assured me that there should be no issues in religion with a child, that I would be able to raise children in my traditions. But now, when I am in position, he walks sad, downcast, I guess because of what. He is afraid that I will give the child a Christian name, that the child will not know Muslim traditions. What to do? I love my husband very much and do not want him to be upset. He says that even if I do it my way, he will never leave me, but he will live all his life in anguish and sadness, as if he will withdraw into himself. It's like he's blackmailing me. Is it possible to circumcise a child, read adhan and iqamat, and then baptize in a church? Is it possible for a child to instill two faiths at once, and is it not considered a terrible sin if a child attends a mosque and a church? To me, as an educated and urban person, this seems possible, given the century we live in, in order to avoid family conflicts and reproaches.
Islam is the stage of the religious development of mankind, following Judaism and Christianity. It is unrealistic to inculcate several religions at once, especially when there are serious differences between them. For a believer, if he really understands the meaning and significance of his religion, this is absurd, this is what is called, and neither here nor there. The reaction of your husband is clear, understand that he, as the head of the family, must answer before God on Judgment Day for the righteousness, correctness of the beliefs of his wife and children.
See, for example: az-Zuhayli V. Al-fiqh al-islami wa adillatuh. In 11 vols. T. 9. S. 6654.
The order of the caliph concerned only those Muslims whose wives during the period of married life did not accept Islam, did not become Muslim women.
Number of entries: 28
Good afternoon I am married to a Muslim. Moreover, we went through the Muslim rite of nikah. Before deciding on this, I talked with the imam personally. He assured me that it was not necessary for me to convert to Islam. Which, in fact, I didn't do. She was just present at the ceremony, did not repeat anything. Is this a terrible sin, and what needs to be done to be cleansed? And one more question. We really want kids. What prayer should be read for everything to work out? I really look forward to your help! Thank you!
Julia
Hello Julia. Why are you worried now, when you have already decided everything yourself and carried out your decision yourself? Whether it's a big sin or not, you'll see for yourself when you try to put your faith into practice. As long as you just consider yourself a Christian, this is one thing, but when you try to live like a Christian, then you will see that this is actually a marriage with a non-Christian. You should know that under the name "nikah" prodigal cohabitation is most often disguised. In the event that state registration of marriage was not carried out at the same time, then this is not a marriage, but cohabitation, no matter how the rite is arranged. And you have no legal rights in this case.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello! Help me. I'm Russian. Muslim fiance. Can I pray for him and light candles in our church? Thank you.
Tatiana
Hello Tatiana. you should not write in the notes of the unbaptized, but you yourself can pray and light candles with a prayer. God help you.
Priest Sergiy Osipov
Igumen Nikon. Bless. My husband and I have been living with our parents for 8 years, everything is fine. Of course, there are disagreements, I used to get very angry when they drank and called guests, but now, by the grace of God, we live in different houses in the same yard, it has become so easy. Of course, they help us a lot, LORD SAVE THEM. The husband has a sister, she is married to an Uzbek, they have two children. It so happened that her husband is constantly drawn into all sorts of stories for the money of his parents. Either relatives came to him (here we are to blame, our parents threw such a feast that they almost left us beggars, and now they think that we are rich, and our son-in-law is generally a millionaire), then they themselves went there 2 times for our check. The most interesting, before he got married, and did not think to go there for 10 years. Then he messed up again, got into the money, and he and his sister fled. He again got into trouble, began to live with a woman, and took a huge amount of money from her, opened a store, almost a brothel. And so, his sister returned to him, knowing nothing, bore him a son, and then that woman took everything away, threatening reprisals against our family too. I worked there when it all happened. By the grace of God, we opened our own business with them and my parents, took money on credit and began to work, repaying his debts for 2 years. Now he has forgotten everything, demanded them an apartment, repairs. The apartment was mortgaged to my husband, it is my mother (mother-in-law) who decides everything, and, of course, all financial issues. And they go on vacation again in the summer. My husband and I have not been anywhere at all, and there are so many debts, we have 3 children, and at least they have something. When I say something, immediately "cats in the rack", they work there as sellers, my husband supplies, I'm an accountant, my mother-in-law distributes. They send their children to us all the time. I say: hire a seller, so they need an audit there, they are too lazy, and children with snot and fever - to us, but I still have my own little one. They do not understand anything, of course, and the mother-in-law allows them. I really want us to be financially independent, but my husband is silent. And now, father, I have become so unbearable, I am angry with the children, and, worst of all, I condemn. What do i do? Sorry for the verbosity.
Julia
Julia, your situation is not easy, but not very difficult either. There is no need to despair. Start unraveling this knot from your husband: he needs to explain it again, present the situation clearly so that he can "wake up" and take a firm position, and not follow everyone's lead. The most important thing for him is the benefit of your family and children. This needs to be re-emphasized. As soon as the husband comprehends what is happening, everything else will be much easier for you to decide together. God bless you!
hegumen Nikon (Golovko)
Hello! Answer the question: my brother wants to baptize his daughter, and he wants my husband to be the godfather, but he is a Muslim. Can he baptize a child?
Irina
Hello Irina. Of course not. Can a camel give birth to a horse? Even Christians who want to become godparents should not just be formally baptized, but churched Orthodox Christians, leading a life according to the commandments of Christ. Before the baptism of the child, you and the candidates for godparents will definitely need to undergo a catechization, where they will tell everyone.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello, father! I am a Christian, my boyfriend is a Muslim, we are going to get married, he persuaded me on nicknames. I would like to know if I make nikah, children will appear in the future, I want to baptize them, since I myself am baptized, will I be able to attend church as before? Is nikah a sin for me?
Anna
Hello Anna. You can visit the temple, but you will not be allowed to the Sacraments until you register a legal marriage at the registry office and repent for participating in a heterodox rite. Nikah is performed by a mullah or an imam. A prerequisite is that the bride and groom belong to Islam. If there is no talk about this, then you are simply inclined to fornication.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello, father! I am an Orthodox Christian, my husband is a Muslim. Daughter is 4 months old. My husband wants to take her to the mosque, but I want and believe that it is necessary to baptize her. How to proceed? Save me, God!
Ludmila
Hello Lyudmila! Since you decided to marry a Muslim, it was necessary to stipulate such an important issue in advance. Of course, it is better for the child to be baptized so that you can always pray to God for your daughter, take her to the temple, partake of the Holy Body and Blood of Christ.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
Good afternoon. Tell me, please, how to pray for your daughter, ask for help for her? The fact is that when she got married, she converted to another faith. I myself am Orthodox. Thanks in advance for your reply.
Elena
In some way, you probably overlooked that for your daughter Orthodoxy has not become the most precious treasure in life. Pray for her, asking for enlightenment, with the words: Apostate from the Orthodox faith and blinded by fatal heresies, enlighten my daughter with the light of Your knowledge and honor Your Holy Apostles of the Catholic Church.
Archpriest Andrey Efanov
Hello good people! I want to thank you for your site, which I can resort to with a question! And thank you very much for your attention to us and help in our problems. Here's my question. The fact is that I fell in love with a man of a different faith (ilam), although I myself am baptized and Orthodox! What should I do? Will it be a sin for me to live with this man? We want to marry before God, but we, Orthodox, differ from Muslims in the rite of marriage before God! The question is, can I get married, being baptized in the Orthodox faith, with a Muslim? Does the Lord allow it? After all, as I think, as for me, we are all the same before God!
Lena, on our site there is a tag - "marriage with a Muslim." Please pay attention to this, click on it with the mouse, and read everything. Many interesting things have been written. But you must understand the following: civil marriage (I mean registration in the registry office), of course, is possible, but there can be no religious ceremony! Firstly, only the Orthodox are crowned here. Secondly, participation in a Muslim marriage is a betrayal of one's Orthodox faith. You are clearly in love with this person, I think it is pointless to dissuade you, but you need to warn. If he is a faithful, practicing Muslim, then you will first have to adopt customs (clothes, complete obedience to your husband (do not leave the house without permission, for example), kitchen, corporal punishment of wives, etc., and then, you see, not only a veil dress, but accept their faith. Relatives will force them. Think!
Archpriest Maxim Khyzhiy
I am Orthodox, can I marry a Muslim, I will not change faith, but I want to be with this person.
Akilina
You can register your marriage at the registry office. Church marriage is, of course, impossible. The Church does not regulate civil relations. But we warn that Muslims are different. There are also those who will demand that you convert to Islam, comply with its laws (for example, complete obedience to your husband), will not allow you to baptize your children, etc. Think carefully before taking such a step.
Archpriest Maxim Khyzhiy
Hello dear clergymen of the Russian Orthodox Church. I would very much like to know how the Orthodox Church treats marriages of people of different faiths? In particular, I am an Orthodox Christian, and my husband is a Muslim. Many people criticize us very categorically. Is this not a violation of the canons of the Orthodox faith? Thank you in advance and from the bottom of my heart.
Anna
Dear Ann! These questions should have been asked before marriage. Priests warn anyone who enters into mixed (religiously) marriages about the possible serious consequences of this step. First, who will your children be? How will you decide the question of the religious education of your children? Secondly, personal relationships depend on the traditions that the family adheres to. If you are a Christian, how will you celebrate your husband's Muslim holidays? This is unacceptable for believers. It is one thing to politely congratulate a neighbor, and another thing to participate in the Feast of Sacrifice with your husband. The family ethics of Islam and Orthodoxy are very different. In Islam - the complete obedience of the wife to her husband, the requirements for clothing, sexual norms that are not accepted by Christianity. Very often, Muslims and Christians live peacefully in marriage, when they themselves are of little faith, no believers. Otherwise, some of them, more often women, go over to the faith of their husband. Cheating on Christ... I wouldn't want your family to break up. Perhaps your strong feeling, conjugal love, will help you find a way out that God can arrange with his care for you. But "be careful that you walk dangerously." Study your faith, live in the Church.
Archpriest Maxim Khyzhiy
Hello, tell me what to do, a loved one proposed to me, he is a Muslim, persuaded me to convert to Islam, and just quit before nikah for a few days, now I am not a Muslim, because converted to Islam for the sake of it, and in my soul I remained a Christian, how should I be in such a situation, help
Victoria
Dear Victoria, you feel like a Christian, which means that you need to repent of the sin of apostasy at confession and take your spiritual life more seriously in the future. Go to the temple regularly, participate in the sacraments of the Church, pray at home, read spiritual literature, and strive to live a godly life. This will protect you from actions that lead to the death of the soul. God bless you!
Archpriest Andrey Efanov
Hello! I am married to a Muslim, I have two children, my daughter is baptized, and my son is not... My son has an important exam soon, tell me, can I pray to help him?
Tatiana
Hello Tatiana! Pray for your son in your home prayer.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
Hello, please help with advice. I am married to a Muslim, he and his relatives are categorically against baptism. I want the child to have an angel and protection, and I say that there is nothing wrong with that. He says: go to the mosque, let them read a prayer there. I want to have my child baptized while I'm away, isn't that considered a sin?
Julia
Hello Julia. Sin is everything that harms a person, both soul and body, both in this life and in the next. If you can follow the Gospel yourself, fulfill the commandments of Christ, be a faithful daughter of the Orthodox Church and give a Christian upbringing to your child, then your desire to baptize him is justified. And if a Muslim will raise a child, then why baptize? He won't get any protection. Moreover, if you baptize a child, and he grows up a Muslim, then the sin of apostasy will not be on him, but on you. You have to pay for everything. You made your choice by marrying a non-Christian. There can be no unanimity in such a marriage. What remains? Pray for the salvation of your soul. God is merciful.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Good afternoon. My name is Konstantin. My mother was an old lady. I was baptized as a child. But then I married a Muslim woman and performed the nikah ceremony. But I have not abandoned my faith, I go to church, I read prayers. I haven't lived with my wife for a long time. Do I need to re-baptize?
Konstantin
By performing nikah, you have already departed from the faith, dear Konstantin. You do not need to re-baptize yourself, and this is impossible, but you need to repent of this sin. If your old believer mother was from fellow believers, then it is enough to repent of this sin at confession. If she baptized you in some schismatic sense, then in order to become Orthodox, you need to accept chrismation. God bless you!
Archpriest Andrey Efanov
Is it possible to order a prayer service (magpie) for a husband, a Muslim? He really believes in it, I can't convince him.
Elena
Elena, you can’t order a magpie, but just a prayer service - you can. But it would be very desirable that you warn the priest that there will be a Muslim among the names at the prayer service, and at least briefly outline the reason why you are asking him to pray for your husband. Then he will not take it as a mistake, and will pray for your husband consciously.
hegumen Nikon (Golovko)
Hello, father. I have a question. My son is married to a Muslim girl. He himself was baptized in the Orthodox faith, and so was his son. My son is 8 months old, we take him periodically to church for communion, my husband and I are church-goers. My son's family always has holy water, and they use it often. They give the child water with it, wash him, he becomes calmer from this, sleeps better. In the last 2 months, their holy water turned green 2 times. On your site I found the answer why this happens, and I myself understand that the reason is in their spiritual life. But they keep asking me to bring them holy water again, and I can't convince them that they need to change their lives. My question is this: if the Lord allows their holy water to take on such a form as a warning to them, would it not be impudent of me to continue to give them holy water? How do you think? Thank you.
HOW DOES THE CHURCH POINT ON MARRIAGE WITH GENTIERS?
Contrary to the opinion of many, both the word of God and the rulings of the Church clearly condemn marriages between Christians and non-Christians. If we look at the Holy Scriptures, we will see that almost throughout the entire sacred history, God warns against mixing people faithful to Him with those who do not fulfill His will. Already at the dawn of the world, the greatest catastrophe of the World Flood occurred, caused by the fact that “the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they are beautiful, and took them as their wife, which one they chose. And the Lord God said, My Spirit will not be forever despised by these men; because they are flesh” (Genesis 6:2-3). The traditional interpretation says that the sons of God are the descendants of Seth, faithful to the Lord, and the daughters of men are Cainites, and the mixing of these two genera led to the destruction of the ancient world. Remembering this terrible event, St. Abraham made his servant swear by God that he would not take Isaac a wife from the daughters of Canaan (Genesis 24:3). In the same way, one of the reasons for Esau's rejection was that he took the Hittites as his wife. “And it was a burden to Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:35), so that the latter said that she “is not happy about life because of the daughters of the Hittites” (Genesis 27:46).
The law of God fixed this norm in writing: “Do not take from their daughters wives to your sons and do not give your daughters in marriage, so that their daughters, who commit fornication after their gods, do not lead your sons into asceticism after their gods” (Ex. 34, 16 ). And “then the wrath of the Lord will be kindled against you, and He will soon destroy you” (Deut. 7:4).
And, indeed, this threat overtook those who violated the covenant of the Lord. Beginning with the terrible defeat at Baal-peor, when 24,000 people died, only a blow from the spear of Phinehas stopped the punishment. (Num. 25) During the reign of the judges, Samson dies because of the Philistine Delilah (Judg. 16), and before the terrible fall of the wisest king Solomon, whose heart was corrupted by his wives. (1 Kings 11:3). God immediately punished those who violated His command.
Moreover, this commandment was in no way connected with the concept of purity of blood. Rahab is a harlot, Zipporah is the wife of Moses, Ruth is a Moabite who abandoned their false gods and entered into the people of God. This commandment became especially important for Saints Ezra and Nehemiah, who struggled with the mixing of the chosen people with foreigners (1 Ezra 9-10; Nehemiah 13:23-29).
The Word of God calls mixed marriages "a great evil, a sin before God" (Neh. 13:27), "iniquity exceeding the head, and guilt that has grown to the heavens" (1 Ezra 9:6). Prop. Malachi declares: “Judas acts treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judas humiliated the holiness of the Lord, whom he loved, and married the daughter of a strange god. “The one who does this, the Lord will destroy from the tents of Jacob the one who watches on guard and answers and offers sacrifice to the Lord of hosts” (Mal. 2, 11-12). Is it not in fulfillment of this curse of God that the children of such criminals and criminals become atheists, and often die?
When the New Testament came, the law of Moses was transcended by the grace of the gospel: nevertheless, this command of the Lord remained in force. The Apostolic Council in Jerusalem commanded the Gentile converts to refrain from fornication (Acts 15:29), from which the interpreters deduce the effectiveness of all the marriage prohibitions of the Old Testament for Christians as well. Further, the apostle Paul, allowing his wife to marry a second time, adds "only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7, 39).
It has always been obvious to Christians that they cannot marry infidels, and this was strictly enforced, despite the fact that Christian communities were very small. So swmch. Ignatius the God-bearer writes: “Tell my sisters to love the Lord and be pleased with their husbands in the flesh and in the spirit. Likewise command my brethren, in the name of Jesus Christ, to “love their wives as the Lord Jesus Christ loves the Church.”... It is good for men and women who marry to do so with the blessing of the bishop, so that the marriage is according to the Lord and not according to lust ". So did the other holy fathers. For example, holy. Ambrose of Milan says: "If marriage itself should be sanctified by a priestly cover and blessing: then how can there be marriage where there is no agreement of faith."
This teaching was directly expressed by the Orthodox Church through the mouths of the Ecumenical Councils. Canon 14 of the IV Ecumenical Council imposes penance on those readers and singers who marry non-believers or give their children to such a marriage. In accordance with the interpretation of ep. Nikodim (Milasha), this punishment is deposition. Even more clearly and without the possibility of any reinterpretation, the attitude of the Church to this issue is set forth in Canon 72 of the VI Ecumenical Council. It reads: “It is not worthy for an Orthodox husband to marry a heretical wife, nor for an Orthodox wife to marry a heretic husband. But if something like this is envisaged, done by someone: marriage is considered unstable, and unlawful cohabitation is terminated. For it is not befitting to confuse the unmixed, below to copulate with a sheep a wolf, and with a part of Christ's lot of sinners. But if anyone transgresses what we have decreed, let him be excommunicated. But if some, while still in unbelief, and not having been counted among the flock of Orthodox, were united among themselves by lawful marriage: then one of them, having chosen the good, resorted to the light of truth, and the other remained in the bonds of error, not wanting to look at the divine rays, and if, moreover, it pleases an unfaithful wife to cohabit with a faithful husband, or, on the contrary, an unfaithful husband with a faithful wife: then let them not be separated, according to the divine apostle: for the unfaithful husband is sanctified in the woman, and the unfaithful wife is sanctified in the faithful husband (1 Cor. 7, 14) ".
The same rule was in force in Russia before the revolution of 1917. According to Russian law, "marriage with non-Christians is completely prohibited for Russian subjects of the Orthodox confession," and such marriages were not recognized as "legal and valid." Children born in such a union were recognized as illegitimate, did not have the right to inheritance and title, and the relationship itself was recognized as adulterous. A Christian who entered it, even at that time, was supposed to be excommunicated from Communion for 4 years.
In the same case, when one of the heterodox spouses converted to Christianity, the one who remained outside the Church was immediately taken a signature that the children who were born to them after that would be baptized in the Orthodox Church. The Gentile will not in any way lead to his faith, and his faithful half will not be deprived of monogamous cohabitation throughout her life, and will not force her to return to her former error. If the unfaithful spouse gave such a subscription and followed it, then the marriage was recognized as legal; if there was a refusal or violation of these obligations, then the marriage was immediately dissolved, and the new convert had the right to a new marriage with the Orthodox. The great dogmatists of the 19th century, for example, Met. Macarius (Bulgakov) - they also considered it impossible to marry a faithful with a non-believer.
So both God and His Church categorically forbid Christians to enter into an alliance with non-Christians. And this is not surprising. Indeed, in marriage, two become one flesh, and how can he be happy if one of the spouses believes in the Triune God of love, and the other is afraid of a distant lonely ruler who does not allow to meet with him? How can those who wear the Cross on their chest and those who believe that Christ was not crucified be able to get along peacefully? What kind of family strength can we talk about when a husband has the right, on the basis of his faith, to make lovers for himself, whom he will call new wives or concubines?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE ONE WHO MARRIES A MUSLIM
But all these arguments, unfortunately, often do not work for those who are in love. They say: “I will be happy only with him anyway, and therefore I don’t care what God and the Church say.” One who says this cannot, of course, be considered an Orthodox Christian. But we also have something to say to her. After all, according to Baptism, it still belongs to the Church, and until death, secret ties unite it with the Body of Christ. This is both an honor and a responsibility. One who has already entered into a Covenant with God, even in childhood, can never become like those who are initially alien to the Creator. The prodigal son is still a son. God says: “Let there not be such a person among you who, having heard the words of this curse, would boast in his heart, saying:“ I will be happy, despite the fact that I will walk according to the will of my heart ”... The Lord will not forgive such, but immediately the wrath of the Lord and His wrath against such a person will kindle, and all the curse of this covenant will fall on him, and the Lord will blot out his name from under heaven; and the Lord will separate him to destruction” (Deut. 29:20-21).
But from a practical point of view, such a marriage for a person brought up in the Christian tradition will certainly be unhappy. After all, the attitude towards a woman in Islam is unbearable for those who are brought up on representations between husband and wife as the norm of married life. For those who do not believe, it is worth bringing the Islamic norms of attitude towards the wife, which that unfortunate woman will have to fulfill if she wishes to violate the word of God. So, from the point of view of Islam, "a woman is obliged to listen to her husband and render him complete obedience, except in those cases when he demands what is forbidden by Islam." A woman comes to her husband's family. Without his permission, she cannot leave home, as well as engage in professional activities.
The wife has the right to visit her parents and close relatives, although her husband may forbid her to meet with her children from a previous marriage. In some Muslim countries, a husband may reduce his wife's visits to her parents to one a week. The wife has the right to refuse marital relations with her husband only if he did not pay the share of the dowry agreed in the marriage contract, or during the period of fasting. Unreasonable refusal of the wife will lead to her "dismissal", i.e. divorce. The same will end for her and the use of contraceptives. The holy book of Muslims, the Koran, calls on husbands to punish their wives in case of their disobedience, disagreement, or simply in order to improve their character. The Qur'an says that “God exalted men in their essence above women, and besides, husbands pay a marriage dowry ... Scold them, intimidate them when they do not obey ... - beat them. But if the wives are obedient, then be lenient towards them” (Quran 4:38; 4:34). The Muslim theologian al-Ghazali calls marriage “a kind of slavery for a woman. Her life becomes complete obedience to her husband in everything, if he does not violate the laws of Islam. Raising children is the exclusive right of the husband. Even if the wife belongs to one of the "revealed religions", that is, if she is Jewish or Christian. The upbringing of children in a different faith is prohibited by Muslim law.
Let's add something more about the attitude towards women in Islam. “According to a common hadith - the saying of the “prophet” - most women will end up in hell. According to Ibn-Umar, “the prophet said: O assembly of women! Give alms, ask more for forgiveness, for I saw that most of the inhabitants of the fire are you. And one woman from among them asked: Why are we the majority of the inhabitants of the fire? He said: You curse a lot and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen that any of those with reason would have more defects in faith and mind than you ”(Muslim, 1879). According to another hadeeth, "The Prophet said: I did not leave behind a temptation more harmful to men than women" (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
According to Sharia, “the testimony of two women in court is equal to the testimony of one man. Women are also forbidden to follow the funeral procession. A Muslim man has the right to marry a non-Muslim woman, but a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim woman.
But here it is also worth noting that, having married a Muslim, the wife should in no case expect marital fidelity from him. After all, he has the right to have up to four wives, as well as to conclude the so-called. "temporary marriages" for a period of 1 hour to a year (this is how prostitution is often justified). If the state laws of Russia prohibit polygamy, then in practice it existed and still exists.
So, dear ladies, entering into an Islamic marriage, you must be prepared for the fact that you will be treated like animals, and cheating, which is not even considered as such, and beatings from your husband, sanctioned by the Koran. (And for Muslim husbands, even in Europe, Islamic theologians publish special books on the correct ways to beat your wives so as not to mutilate your body too much, so that you can continue to use it and not fall under the secular court.) If you like all this - please! Just don't say that my lover will never do that, because he is good. In addition to your roommate (the word of God does not allow me to call him a husband), there is also his family, to which he himself is obliged to obey, whether he wants it or not. A little later, we will give evidence of what awaits a woman in reality if she falls into a modern Islamic family. But first, let's also say that you do not need to count on a long and happy life in a strong family. After all, according to the rules of Islam, a husband can easily divorce his wife. This may be a proper divorce (muborot) at the request of the husband with an explanation of the reasons, or a joint decision of the husband and wife, or it may simply be a divorce at the request of the husband without explaining the reasons in a simplified form (talaq), after he utters one of the established phrases: "you are excommunicated" or "reunite with the race."
In the event of a divorce, the husband must provide the wife with the necessary property "according to custom." A divorced woman stays at her ex-husband's house for three months to determine if she is pregnant. If a child is born, it must be left in the father's house. The wife, on the other hand, can demand a divorce only through the courts, referring only to strictly defined grounds: if the husband has physical disabilities, does not fulfill marital duties, treats his wife cruelly or does not allocate funds for her maintenance.
At the same time, if the spouses suddenly want to reunite again, then in Islam there is a monstrous decree that for this the wife must first marry another man, divorce him, and only after that return to the previous one: “If he divorced her, then do not she is allowed to him after, until she marries another husband, and if he gave her a divorce, then there is no sin on them that they will return ”(Quran 2.230).
CHRISTIAN IN ISLAM. DESCRIPTION OF REALITY
But now it is worth giving examples of how these norms are implemented in practice in the stories of our contemporaries. To begin with, let's cite an excerpt from a study by ethnographers who studied the state of affairs in Central Asia in 1980-1990.
“European women who live in marriage with representatives of indigenous nationalities are overwhelmingly non-natives. The history of their appearance in Central Asia is almost always the same: a young guy was in the army or at school, at work, met a girl, got married, brought with him. Several times I met a woman from a local Russian village as the wife of a Muslim. But there were no exceptions to the rule: it always turned out that she was not one of the old-timers, but came to the republic shortly before her marriage. Basically, these were those who were evacuated from central Russia during the war years.
Most often, Russian women agree to marry a Muslim, having a very vague and far from reality idea of \u200b\u200bwhat awaits them. Many go to Central Asia for reasons of material well-being and cruelly repent already on the spot. (“There, in Russia, he, that is, the groom, that is, dressed in European style, says that he has three houses here. And they come here - what should she do in a clay house?”). Often a young daughter-in-law is not accepted by her husband's relatives, and circumstances do not allow living separately from them. Sometimes they try to divorce the young, because without the consent of the groom, a local bride has already been chosen for him. Quarrels begin between the mother-in-law and the “freedom-loving” daughter-in-law in Russian. Therefore, many marriages break up at the very beginning of their life together. Most wives in such cases leave back.
Some of the young spouses endure the described tests, and then, as a rule, the following happens. Women gradually come to terms with their role as a daughter-in-law in a patriarchal family, learn the norms of behavior adopted by local residents, learn the language and, in the end, as the informants said, they completely “become Uzbekized” or “Tajikized”. In order to save a marriage in this way, a Russian wife needs great patience. Then they begin to consider her theirs and treat her well - however, only on the condition that she accepts Islam and observes customs.
With women in such cases, dramatic changes occur. Their behavior, clothing, conversation, lifestyle sometimes become indistinguishable from local residents. It happens that a woman almost does not remember her native language. Here are a few short but characteristic stories: “A Tajik brought one girl from Russia after the army. At first, when I lived here, I cried, I came to complain, but now you can’t distinguish it from a Tajik woman: in language, in clothes (she wears trousers), she gave birth to five children and outwardly became similar”; “She was married to an Uzbek, she became Uzbek, her husband beat her on the head ...”; “One was brought from Vladimir, very young. Has taken root. He hardly speaks Russian at all. I ask her in Uzbek: - Why did you become like this? - Don't know...".
And now let's cite the recollection of a woman who returned from Islam, describing from the inside all the "charms" of the Islamic family for those who left Christ for Mohammed:
“Since the age of fifteen I have been living with my parents in Germany. I was nineteen years old when I met Fatih. He turned out to be the only young man who really shared my views on this world, on God. I was Orthodox. He is a Muslim. When we met, my faith was in the cold. I saw only hypocrisy and hypocrisy in churches. I did not hear God in my soul. It was impossible for a person like me to do without it. When I do not feel God in my life, I get the feeling that I am not living, but gradually dying, that life has no meaning. Fatih was just a good friend. He was sixteen years old, but he looked older, and from his behavior and thinking, I would give him at least twenty. He deceived me by saying that he was 17. When I noticed that he gradually began to develop some feelings for me, I said that we should not meet again, since a relationship between us is impossible. We didn't see each other for six months. My falling away from the church continued...
I thought about Fatih all this time, and I missed him. Once, six months later, we accidentally met on the street, but did not say hello. And then they still phoned and decided to meet. Having met him, I realized that I had never met a more dear person (not counting my mother, of course) on this earth. I found out that he was very ill, so that the doctors saved him with difficulty. I imagined with horror that I could no longer see this person, who seems completely dear to me. I didn’t want any close relationship with him, because I didn’t perceive him carnally (on the contrary, it was strange for me to imagine that something like this could happen between us). But he said that he would not be able to treat me adequately, and I agreed to meet with him. And the next day he went to the hospital, as that illness resumed, and for two weeks I came to him every day, as a result of which I met all his relatives. This was probably not planned on his part, since he did not know how his family would react to such a phenomenon as a foreign and heterodox girlfriend. In general, they liked me, because I was shy and did not know what to say, and therefore I became more and more silent in their presence. When our parish learned about our relationship, a quiet panic arose. Our Orthodox people tried to help me, but pushed me more and more towards Islam…
In Christianity I can't achieve anything, I can't hear God, I can't get through to him. And Fatih guarantees me that Islam is also the right religion (of which I had little doubt). On the street, I constantly saw Muslim women, and their faces seemed so clean (internally), and I also really liked the hijab (Muslim clothes), I really wanted to dress the same way.
I read a lot about Islam and decided that it was worth trying to get through to God through another window. I pushed the idea of Christ as God into a far corner of my heart and said the Shahada, after which I performed a full ablution and began to perform the previously memorized prayer. I also immediately put on a headscarf and changed my name…
Soon we got married according to the Muslim rite. Islam did not give me what I expected. I didn't feel anything. I tried to get through to God, but He did not answer me in any way, not even with some kind of sign. Only in the Bible, sometimes opening it in a random place, I suddenly read the answers to my questions. Prayer was very difficult. Repeating the same suras from the Koran in Arabic five times a day - what's the point? Is this a prayer? It didn't make any sense. This had nothing to do with Christian prayer, where you can pray both mentally and with all your heart, according to already written prayers or in your own words. In Islam, there is only Dua - prayers that can be said in their native language. In them, I often asked God to show me the true path. What is the point of fasting in Ramadan if in the evening you eat so much that you feel sick, and during the day you are so weak that you can’t do anything? And women are also required to prepare food for breaking the fast.
For me, the fact that without the community you are nothing was painful, and to break away from the community is a huge sin. And how could I fit into a society where everyone spoke only Turkish? It's not only that, I just got used to independence from childhood. Fatih's family was not very religious. This family is very problematic. Father is a player, mother is mentally ill, so all family problems always had to be swallowed. After all, taking dirty linen out of the hut is also a sin. (If your husband or mother-in-law beats you, you, as a Muslim woman, should not tell anyone about it). And she had a very hard time in her husband's family, because her husband's parents did not love her, and her husband beat her. Yes, he beat him, he really beat him. For 15 years of living in Germany, she never learned to speak German. She has a 7th grade education. Many European women are surprised why Turkish women do not leave husbands who beat them. Due to the fact that the structure of society is communal, they simply do not know how to live without their family. Better let poor, but family. Their personality is almost zero. They all depend on society, on the opinion of this society and on its decision. The last one was unbearable for me. If everyone was going to go to nature, but you don’t want to, you should go. Otherwise, you simply do not respect. If everyone sits and eats and you don't, you're an outcast. Fatih has another older brother (Mehmet), a younger brother (Ilker) and a younger sister (Nergiz). The elder brother is a favorite, Fatih is already less loved, since he is not the first-born, Ilker was painfully fat from early youth, Nergiz is a very shy, fat and hunchbacked girl who, for some reason, also began to wear a headscarf at the age of 12. By this, she, as it were, tore herself even more from the world, and through this from the normal development of individuality. She has no girlfriends, after school she sits in the living room and watches Turkish TV.
I was annoyed by such an unusual hierarchy for me: when I came to visit (this was even before the conversion to Islam, because after that I was already “my own” with all the responsibilities), Fatih asked if I wanted mineral water. If I answered “yes”, he said this to Ilker, while Ilker sent Nergiz. So are the parents. If they ask Fatih to do something, he asked Ilker, and he asked Nergiz (he ordered rather than asked, since they did not have the word “please” in their vocabulary). As a result, the guys grew up lazy. When I appeared, I had to do a lot, because I could not turn my tongue to convey the request to poor Nergiz. I must say that in general, our relationship with Fatih was not so smooth.
After I converted to Islam, I often began to fall into tantrums, while scratching my face and hands, trying to drown out the physical pain from the mental pain. Where did the pain come from? Probably from the abyss that formed between me and God. Fatih tried to control me completely, just out of fear that something would happen to me, out of fear of losing me. He forced me to do things that in his eyes corresponded to my new status. I had to come to his house several times a week and help his mother, with whom we did not have a common language. She spoke only Turkish. I had to go to the madrasah, where I was unbearably bored, since the women there were only engaged in housekeeping, sweating in scarves and long-sleeved sweaters. There were no strangers, but the head of the family taught everyone so. They even slept in headscarves.
I had to spend as much time as possible with my family. At the same time, Fatih talked to them in Turkish, and I sat like a stump, not understanding anything and bored, because I was not used to not occupying my brains with something useful, even a book. He did not allow me to read almost anything, except for the books of Said Nursi (the founder of this branch of Islam) and perhaps the Koran, but only in Arabic. But from childhood I got used to reading a lot, and very rarely these were books that were harmful to the soul. I did not read detective stories and novels, but Fatih forbade me from psychology, and general cognitive literature, and the classics. I had no right to go anywhere without his knowledge. In itself, this is not so scary if he would at least sometimes allow something. Almost everything I asked him about, he forbade me. I mean, I've already started doing things in secret, just because the taboos prevailed. So, I secretly studied Russian, read the classics. Turkish was not very bad for me, but because of the terrible mental imbalance and constant fears of Fatih's wrath, I simply did not find the strength to study Turkish systematically. In his family, I still remained a stranger, because I did not know the language and could not understand the culture itself. How can you sit and wiggle your tongue so often and so much without doing anything?
I was struck by the underdevelopment of individual thinking and thinking in general as such. As a rule, the men’s company was separated from the women’s, and then I didn’t even have the opportunity to ask Fatih what the conversation was about. Fatih was terribly afraid of my tantrums and sometimes he simply did not know what to do with me. As it turned out later, he, the poor man, also constantly lived in fear that he would piss me off. And he, having good intuition, felt that I was not entirely sincere with him and did not trust him very much. He often had nightmares that I take off my headscarf and live dissolutely. And so our relationship was full of fear and resentment. Before the betrothal (imam nikah), everything was also very painful, as we needed to find out what we were going for and learn more about our rights and obligations in marriage. That's when it all started. He tried to convince me that I, as a woman, must be led by a man (especially in the spiritual aspect), that there is no other way, that I have no right to make decisions myself. He said that a man and a woman are not equal, while he constantly said that a woman is no worse than a man. I answered that he treats me like a small child. I can't make a single decision. Everything is decided for me. I argued that for my spiritual development, I needed to try to walk and get bumps myself.
We took a book about Muslim marriage and found out interesting things. It turns out that he has the right to lightly beat me in case of disobedience. I also did not have the right to divorce, with some exceptions (his sexual impotence, falling away from the faith, or if he takes a second wife). At that time, Christ stood at the door and KNOCKED IN MY HEART, which, feeling this, began to break. Open for Christ or leave the door closed so that Fatih does not run away? And on the day of our betrothal, I, all in some doubts, took the brochure “Christian Woman” from my mother from the shelf. After reading it, I was filled with such happiness that I am a woman! A Christian woman, what a high rank, what a high role she has! After all, Christ was incarnated in the Virgin Mary. Salvation came to the world through a woman! Ah, that's how it really is. I saw submission to the head of the family in a completely different light. Because in Christianity there is a concept of humility... Reading this book gave me the courage to still marry Fatih. The engagement was modest. My parents were gone. By the way, about them. Mom patiently endured all this time my suffering, and dad lost a daughter in me. Only when I returned to Christ again did he say that it felt like I had not been here for several years, and then I returned. He was very worried. After the engagement, nothing has changed. We didn't live together, I don't even know why. It just so happened. However, I began to read Christian books again, including this site (“Orthodoxy and Islam”). I started to rethink things.
Then I invited Fatih to move in with me. We lived together for about a month. This time was very difficult. I was sitting with my mother (she lives nearby) and was afraid of Fatih coming home, because he wanted me to stay at home. Fatih, in turn, was afraid to come home to this atmosphere of fear and anxiety. I spoke to the priest. He advised me to start gradually conveying to Fatih that I cannot be a Muslim. I started from afar. Soon Fatih left for Turkey for 2 months. While he was gone, I took a sip of freedom and realized that I couldn’t go on like this. We talked on the Internet, and I said more and more directly that maybe Islam is not my way. He persuaded me to come to Turkey. There we often quarreled, and I understood more and more that it could not go on like this. Fatih accused me of many shortcomings, and I agreed with him. I really saw all my depravity and sinfulness, selfishness and pride, and much more. But how could I fix it? After all, in Islam there were no answers to this! Islam says what you should do, but it doesn't say what to do if it doesn't work out. And Christ came to earth and took all our sins upon Himself. And if only we turn to Him and pray to Him for the eradication of sins, and partake of His Cleansing Blood and Most Pure Body, then the transformation will gradually take place.
What's the point of me if they tell me "do" or "don't do". I'm weak. And so, after another quarrel, I told Fatih that I see no other way out, how to become a Christian. I cannot change for the better in Islam, and he wants me to change for the better. Since then, we have not ceased to part. First, he gave me time to think about whether this is really what I want. I flew to Germany, a few days later he flew too. He came not to me, but to his parents, and for the time being began to live with them. In the meantime, I put an icon in the apartment and brought a couple of Orthodox books. When he came to me, he asked what I decided. He saw the answer in the form of an icon. He left immediately. He said he would pick up things later. A few days later I went to church for the feast of the Exaltation of the Cross. He called me on my mobile and told me to be at home right now, as he wants to pick up my things. I said that I could not, because today is a big holiday. Then he just came to church. In such annoyance, I have never seen him before, he made me go with him. He told me something like this: “I found out from knowledgeable people, it turns out that I have no right to be married to you if you are a Christian, according to Sharia it is forbidden (meaning my apostasy). Become a Muslim, or we will part forever. And now your life means nothing, every Muslim is allowed to kill you.”
That evening and several more times, I succumbed to persuasion. I tried to convince Fatih that I am neither a Christian nor a Muslim because I don't know what to believe anymore. I felt like I was between two religions. Of course, all this was just a continuation of the betrayal of Christ. Fatih could not part with me forever, and we quarreled, then reconciled. He blamed me for everything, he scolded me for sacrificing the impossible (my faith) to him. Each time he parted with me forever and each time returned. And in the meantime, I became more and more churched, confessed and took communion. As for the fact that, according to Sharia, he does not have the right to be married to me, he said that this turned out to be unreliable information, and he continued to look at me as his wife. By that time, I had completely calmed down. The tantrums stopped immediately after I decided to leave Islam, although the situations were very conducive to mental imbalance. Our relationship was heading for a dead end, and we knew it. But they couldn't find the strength to leave. We celebrated the third anniversary of our relationship and soon learned that our marriage is invalid, as it is automatically annulled when one of the spouses falls away from the faith. And now, for the umpteenth time, we parted ways. Previously, it was only Fatih, and now I decided to help him, because I suddenly realized that it was selfish to keep him with me, since our relationship is a sin for him. And I tried to break up with him. But it didn't work out. All this is very difficult, he feels something in me from which he cannot forget me. Even if we don't see each other for a week, it's unbearable for him. It's not just three years of close relationships. I am sure that he feels the grace of Holy Communion.
And how many times the Lord answered my prayers for him with the words of the Gospel: “And if you ask the Father for anything in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:13) and “whatever you ask in prayer in faith you shall receive” (Matthew 21:22). I know that the Lord loves him too, and if he loves, then, of course, wishes him salvation. Since I began to pray for him, he seems to suffer even more. Expensive things are constantly stolen from him or he loses them (including his mobile and motorcycle), he asks me to pray for him. And I pray and believe in the mercy of God, as well as in Fatih's intuition. Sooner or later, he must feel, and then understand, where is the truth and where is the lie. Where is God's mercy and grace, and where is the cold of Sharia laws and black and white vision of the world.
And still there is no person dearer than him, we understand each other without words, despite everything. Now that I have become a church as much as I could, when I have come to know again the love of Christ, even unto death, for me, the last traitor, I have understood a lot in Islam as well. I now know that in the visible purity of the faces of devout Muslim women, there is emptiness. Once, while reading Said Nursi's book "The Miracles of Mohammed", I noticed some lack of spirituality in these miracles. I remember, for example, how the prophet had to go to the toilet and for this nature lined up in such a way that, as it were, blocked him from people. And the fact that many of the miracles were performed during the war against the infidels shocked me. Are miracles important? The prophet did some miracles and at the same time killed the infidel after the infidel, not sparing the life of people, which is holy! And during the first sermon of the Apostle Peter, about 3000 people were converted, without any violence, with only one weapon - a word filled with the Holy Spirit. If Christian martyrs testified to their faith by their death, then Muslims - by killing others. Is the Spirit of God here, is grace here? If the Koran says: “And the adulteress and the adulterer - each of them flog with a hundred lashes. Let not pity for them in the name of the faith of Allah seize you, if you believe in Allah and the Day of Judgment. And when they are punished, let a certain number of believers be witnesses ”(24: 2), then in the Gospel it is completely the opposite: when“ they brought to Him a woman taken in adultery ... He ... said to them: which of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at me... And when, being rebuked by their conscience, everyone dispersed, he said: I do not condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:3-11). Much of this can be found if you read the Koran and the Gospel. Praise God for His mercy towards sinners. Here I am one of them, and I feel His love for me every day. God bless you all with perfect joy!”
AND WHAT ABOUT LOVE?
“You can’t command your heart,” many answer after listening to all these arguments. And here we must say two things.
First, if you say so, then in fact your love for a potential spouse is simply very weak. How can one talk about the kind of love that will come to terms with the fact that after death the beloved will forever become inaccessible to the loving person? After all, widowhood in such a marriage is the beginning of eternal separation. Whatever the relationship was before, you will not meet your loved one for all eternity. After all, the one who died in Islam did not accept Baptism, was not born of water and the Spirit, and does not inherit the Kingdom of God (John 3:5). A Muslim does not believe in the Son of God, and therefore will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him (John 3:36). After death, his soul descends into hell, weighed down by the burden of both the original Adamic filth and his own, not forgiven by God, sins. Many saints saw Mohammed and his followers with sorrow, tormented in the fiery abyss.
As one of the visions describing the afterlife of Muslims, I will cite the recollection of schemamonk Nicholas the Confessor (in the world Yusuf Abdul oglu 1820-1893), a former Muslim, recorded by Ven. Varsanofy Optinsky:
“I saw a great and immeasurable abyss full of darkness, but this darkness did not prevent me from seeing in its terrible depth the prince of darkness in the form in which he is depicted in church paintings; in his arms sat Judas, holding a semblance of a sack in his hands. Near the prince of darkness stood the false prophet Muhammad in a green cassock and a turban of the same color. Around Satan, who constituted, as it were, the center of the abyss, in its entire boundless space, I saw a multitude of people of every condition, sex and age, but I did not notice any of the acquaintances among them. From the abyss I heard screams of despair and unspeakable horror, which cannot be expressed in words.
Can a loving heart reconcile itself to such a terrible fate, which is prepared for itself by a loved one? Can this be allowed? It is impossible to talk about love when you know that your husband, wife, children (who will be forced to convert to Islam under the threat of divorce) will suffer forever.
It is often said that I would rather be in torment, but with my beloved, than without him, but in paradise. But this is nonsense and not true. There is no place in hell for love or fellowship. Hell is an inhuman place. One day Saint Macarius was walking through the desert and saw a skull that spoke with the power of God. It belonged formerly to an idol priest. This idolater thanked Macarius for his prayers and said that through them the inhabitants of hell receive great relief.
What is it? the reverend asked.
We stand with our backs to each other, surrounded by pillars of flame, with our backs to each other, - answered the priest. - And when you pray, the flame goes down a little. We see the face of another and derive great comfort from it.
So hell is a place of eternal loneliness, and all hopes of meeting there are empty. It is all the more impossible to meet when one was saved and the other perished.
So, if you love a person, turn him to Christ the Savior, let him be baptized, and then get married and live happily. God help you! Your marriage will be able to receive an eternal continuation in the Kingdom of Heaven, where you will no longer be husband and wife, but eternal brother and sister before the Radiant Face of the Loving Father.
The second thing that can be said about the “order to the heart” is that, consistently carried out, this principle completely denies any marriage. If we must obey only the heart, guided neither by intelligence, nor by faithfulness, nor by the word of God, then there is nothing to blame for treason. After all, you can’t tell your heart! And if so - why, one wonders, and marry?
In fact, the mistake here is that we often understand the word “love” as a special state of feelings, but this is not so. Feelings are only a consequence of such a state of will, which comes from God. That is why love can be a commandment of the Lord. After all, it would be absurd to require a person to create in himself those feelings over which he obviously has no control!
According to the "Orthodox Confession" "love contains the Divine Decalogue." The Catechism (a summary of the Orthodox faith) states that "true love naturally manifests itself through good deeds."
Rev. John of the Ladder says that “love in its quality is likeness to God, as much as people can achieve; according to its action, it is the intoxication of the soul; and by nature - the source of faith, the abyss of patience, the sea of humility. Love, in fact, is the laying aside of every contrary thought, for love does not think evil. Love, dispassion and sonship (adoption to God) differ from each other only by their names. Thus, for Christians it is obvious that true love is impossible without the Orthodox faith. For, as the same reverend writes, “according to my understanding, faith is like a ray, hope is like light, and love is like the circle of the sun. Yet they are one radiance and one lordship.”
For us, it seems completely unthinkable the very possibility of true love where the beloved does not believe in God or believes in Him completely wrong. All these feelings, called love, are, according to the Ladder, the so-called. “natural love”, which is also characteristic of animals. This state is not blessed, and therefore "fornication is mixed with it, as we sometimes see in a dove of lice." Of course, a Christian family cannot be built on this feeling, and it does not lead a person to holiness.
From the book: Priest Daniil Sysoev. "Marriage with a Muslim".
( print version
| See also on this topic: |
Already married to a hillock ( Alexandra Malash)
Marry an Arab or "You are mine forever" ( Olga)
Willingness to lose one's national identity is a consequence of disrespect for oneself ( Family psychologist Irina Rakhimova)
Marry a Hindu Marina)
