Psychological notes on raising a son. Raising a son: tips and tricks. The role of the father in the upbringing of the son. How to raise a real man? role model

Raising a child is the most important task of a parent. Sometimes we live as we live, justifying our failures in raising children by circumstances and by the fact that everything happens to others in the same way. However, proper upbringing is hard work that brings invaluable results - your child will grow up to be a strong and harmonious personality.

The upbringing of a son is a particularly important process, since it is simply impossible to re-educate a mature man. A young woman is able to “follow her husband”, adapt to him, he can make adjustments to his wife’s upbringing. And a man brought up by a sissy, an egoist or an irresponsible lazy person, has practically no chance of transformation.

How to raise a boy to be a real man? Responsible, purposeful, reliable, principled, decisive?

Mom of a little boy, how can anyone believe that the perfect man exists. This is her baby. It is in your power to make sure that the whole world around him sees it the same way.

How to raise a son: features of raising a little man

The upbringing of boys and girls is fundamentally different. This can be easily explained by the example of fostering kindness. If we bring up kindness in a girl, then we mean sensitivity and the ability to sympathize. It's enough. But the boy's kindness must be constructive and expressed through actions. A man doesn't need to feel sorry for anyone. He must help! These are two different kindnesses and require radically different approaches to education.

How to raise a man from a boy? Help him develop a set of certain qualities. Of what, what are our boys made of, future men who can be relied upon and who will have every reason to respect themselves? We will focus on the main features that form the character of a worthy man.

Responsibility. A man is the head of the family, best friend, business partner and just a worker in the entrusted area. Whatever social role he performs, responsibility is his middle name. He is responsible for aged parents, for younger sisters and brothers, for his wife and children, for subordinates. If he is not taught from an early age to be responsible for a pet, or at least for a cactus, do not expect him to be able to feel it for his family and friends. To educate a little man will help the duty assigned to him, the value of which he is able to understand. Instruct your son to be in charge of some business. Let him feed the fish every day at a certain time. Explain that if he misses even one or two feedings, they will starve to death. If the son will not be at home for several days, teach him to take care of the wards at a distance. It is he who must agree with someone who will replace him at the time of absence.

Purposefulness. How to raise a son as a man who can not only set a goal, but also go towards it? The purposefulness of an adult is formed from the curiosity and perseverance of the child.

It is difficult for a man to do anything without understanding the ultimate goal. Boys often ask the question: "Why?".

Learn to interest your son and support him on the way to the goal. Be sure to help your child to correctly assess the necessary efforts and results.

For example, your boy dreams about a particular toy or gadget. Together, look at its current value in an online or regular store, discuss how to accumulate the required amount together (a child can collect donated money in a piggy bank or save some of the money from pocket money; a teenager may already have a semblance of a side job). Seeing the amount and realizing that the purchase will not take place soon, the child may lose interest in the toy. Your task is to show your son that everything is in his hands. Periodically calculate how much is left to save, replenish the piggy bank (but not too often), read reviews about the coveted toy.

In the end, parents can give their child the desired gift, but always with the participation of his "share"!

When the object of desire is in the hands of the child, share his joy with him, take an interest in the functions and capabilities of the gadget, play together.

If a boy knows what he wants, he himself has determined his goal, realizes what dividends he will receive from the results of his work, then he can do anything! Teach your son to do everything consciously, set goals and persistently achieve them.

Strength of will. No goal will be achieved without developed willpower. It is necessary in order not to deviate from the intended path, in order not to be distracted by secondary things, in order to abandon everything that separates from the goal. The little fidget wants everything at once, and certainly this very minute. Teach him to wait, cultivate a sense of proportion, help him realize the need to give up everything harmful and superfluous. Willpower comes from self-control.

From an early age, teach your baby to the norms of behavior accepted in a civilized society. Patiently explain why you don’t need to throw tantrums, offend other children, be grateful. Important: explanations must be understandable to the child. Wordings like: “Because I said so” and “Grow up - you will understand” are unacceptable.

If you have already taught your boy to achieve his goals, tell him that it is not always easy and pleasant to achieve your goal. Cope with failures and defeats together, look for pluses in them (for example: yes, this craft fell apart because it was too wet from glue, but now we can make everything perfect, because we know that less glue is needed!).

Independence. Let your son learn to serve himself first. Help, direct, but let him cope with each case on his own. Adults sometimes do not have the patience to teach a child something simple, it is easier for them to put away toys themselves, tie shoelaces and wash a cup. It will not work to raise a son as a man if you do everything for him.

Determination. In the life of a man, the main thing is to make decisions and be responsible for them. Do not decide for your son what to wear, with whom to be friends, what color to paint paper crafts. If a boy tastes the fruit of irresponsibility, understands that it is easier not to decide anything and not to answer for anything, he will not become the master of life and will shift the decision to others.

Principle. Show with your own behavior what integrity is: do not break promises, argue your decisions and do not change them, follow the rules in the family and in society. Our children are our mirrors.

Cleanliness. Correctly raising a child-boy also means teaching him to treat his body as a temple of the soul. The task of parents is to teach their son to observe the rules of hygiene, cleanliness and tidiness should become his urgent need.

How to raise a boy to be a real man: 5 main rules

Rule 1 How to raise a real man? Raise him to be confident. This is the most important thing a parent can give to their son other than life itself. Cultivate his self-confidence: praise for the cause, create situations of success, focus on successes and victories, celebrate not only the results, but also the efforts.

Rule 2 Show your love for your son. He must know that he is a beloved child, that they dreamed about his birth, that he is the joy of his parents and their pride. Do not forget to express love with words, with an affectionate look, sensitivity, and attention to him. And don't forget to spend time together.

Rule 3 Encourage your son's initiatives. Find rational, creative, practical or other positive grain in what your son does and celebrate it.

Rule 4 Be a devoted friend to your son. Your son should know that mom and dad are his most reliable stronghold. Build a relationship of absolute trust between you.

Rule 5 Raise your son mindfully. It is impossible to raise a child as a real man without providing him with a worthy example to follow in everyday life. It can be a father, uncle, grandfather, godfather, older brother, family friend, coach. The main thing is that your son has someone to look up to.

Raising a son: the most common and most dangerous mistakes of parents

All mistakes are a mistake in raising a son - we are raising a future man, going to extremes.

How wrong it is to love a son, we will explain using the example of typical extremes that parents often resort to in an effort to raise their boy as best as possible.

How to raise a boy: parental extremes

do everything for him or Make him do everything on his own

Doing everything for your son, you will raise an incapacitated, inert, notorious man who will not be able to do anything, and therefore, they will not turn to him for help. He will not have a chance to gain authority, both among women and in a team of men.

And vice versa, not helping your son in his affairs, even if he asks for it, you risk raising a closed person who will be unable to work in a team, distrustful and angry. In addition, without help, he will learn little, or spend more time and mental strength on it than someone who had support.

Overprotect or Allow to make all possible mistakes

You will not be able to lay a straw for the whole life path of your son. Do not try to do this even from his early years. Protect your son only from what threatens health and life, otherwise let him understand the meaning of danger, risk, consequences. This is an invaluable life experience.

One day my friend and I went for a walk. Her 11 year old son was with us. At the fair, his mother bought him a rather expensive superhero mask. He rushed about with her in every possible way, and then ran to the company of boys on the playground. After 15 minutes, he runs back in delight: “There, the older guys offer to exchange my mask for an iPhone! Cool!". I just started to say something about not seeing him either an iPhone or a mask, when his mother calmly stopped me and said to her son: “Son, do you trust those guys? Would you trade an iPhone for a mask? Think, don't rush. This mask is yours, I bought it for you. You are her master, so decide for yourself. The boy suddenly became serious and with such a mood returned to the young merchants. He refused the exchange. And if we began to persistently convince him of the only right decision, most likely he would have done the opposite and lost his mask ...

The policy of complete non-interference in the life of their sons of other parents is amazing. They philosophically watch from the sidelines the mistakes that unintelligent little boys make one after another, believing that life is the best teacher. However, many disastrous consequences can still be avoided by explaining theoretically.

All allow or Punish for any trifle

How to raise a real man if you do not have a soul in your boy and are ready to turn the earth over for him? Carefully! Such immeasurable love can do your son a disservice! After all, beloved sons are often pampered to such an extent that they cease to be aware of the boundaries of what is permitted. But life without restrictions in childhood leads to conflict in adulthood, because you have to live by the rules, and your son is not accustomed to them.

No better are those parents who have no idea how to raise their son to be a real man, without requiring behavior worthy of a prince from him. They strive for perfection in everything and end up with a twitchy, frightened child who only wants to be left alone. Escaped from the guardianship and demanding atmosphere, these guys will break absolutely all the rules that have tormented them for many years, or they will remain unfortunate prisoners of these rules for life.

Parenting is too hard or Bring up too soft

How to raise a man out of a boy, showing him kindness and sympathy? Some parents are perplexed. And others, on the contrary, are consciously too affectionate towards their little sons. As in other matters, a golden mean is needed here. If the son is in pain, he should be pitied, but not allowed to feel sorry for himself. There is a fine line to be felt here.

When raising your son, remember that you are responsible for his happiness. Only with love and respect can a well-bred boy grow up as a self-sufficient man and achieve great things.

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The best parenting is a personal example of an adult. For a boy, ideally, he should be his father and his inner circle - grandfather, brother, teacher, coach ...

However, the reality is that a boy at preschool age, when the foundations of his gender-role behavior are laid, is not surrounded by men at all. Women work almost everywhere in the field of education, the number of single-parent families has increased, and in complete families, the male father is often only formally present.

Some dads remove themselves from the process of raising a boy, considering it a woman's business, show lack of initiative, not knowing what to do with the baby. Others are infantile themselves, so they can do little to help in the development of masculine qualities. And it happens that dad would be happy to take up the upbringing of the boy, spend time with his son, teach him something, but workload does not allow, because you need to think about the future of the family.

However, mothers should not lose heart, even if the responsibility for raising their sons lies with them. You just need to properly organize the process of raising a boy from the very beginning, following the 8 “golden” rules:

1. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom!

In order for a mother to bring up masculine qualities in her son, it is sometimes necessary to raise him not in the way that is more convenient for her, easier and calmer. First of all, you need to make sure that the upbringing of the boy shapes his character. And for this, a mother very often has to reconsider her views on life, attitudes, fight her fears, “break” the stereotypes developed over the years.

What picture can be observed more and more often in modern families? In boys, accuracy, caution, diligence are cultivated. And then the mother reaps the fruits of her and her grandmother's "muslin upbringing": growing up, the son cannot fight back the offender, overcome difficulties, does not want to strive for something. And parents do not understand where this weakness of will came from in their child.

However, it is precisely these qualities that are invested in the boy from early childhood with the words “Don’t run - you will fall”, “Don’t climb, it’s dangerous there”, “Don’t do it - you’ll get hurt”, “Don’t touch, I myself” and other “don’t ...”. Will initiative and responsibility be formed with such an upbringing of a boy?

Of course, mother and grandmother can be partly understood, especially when the child is the only and long-awaited. They are afraid that something might happen to the baby. However, selfish considerations are hidden behind these fears. A flexible child is much more convenient, you don’t have to adapt to him. It is much easier to feed a two-year-old child herself than to watch him spread porridge on a plate. It's faster to dress a four-year-old by herself than to wait while he fiddles with buttons and laces. It’s calmer when the son walks beside him and holds his hand, rather than running around the playground, trying to get lost from sight. When we indulge our impulses, we do not think about the consequences.

Such upbringing of a boy distorts the very nature of men, responding to the mental and physical health of boys. They have fears, sometimes turning into somatic problems (stuttering, nervous tics, allergies, breathing problems, frequent illnesses), low self-esteem is formed, problems develop in communicating with other children. The opposite situation often arises: a boy can begin to “defend” himself from the pressure of parental care with aggressive behavior, thus expressing childish disobedience.

Of course, getting rid of habits is not easy, but you need to understand that a child without the help of parents will not become the way we would like. To do this, he needs the help of adults and certain conditions. Do not limit the baby's freedom of movement on a walk, do not take away from small "dangers" (a conflict in the sandbox with a peer, climbing over a low fence, etc.), but help to overcome difficulties, cheer.

2. Raising a boy. The child should have a role model

Regardless of whether the boy is raised by a single mother or he grows up in a complete family, you need to try to make sure that the image of a man, and quite attractive for boyish perception, is present in the life of the family.

Until the baby has grown up, he is quite satisfied that his mother spends most of his time with him, but after 3 years, when the child is separated from the mother both physically and personally, the boy begins to show more and more interest in men: dad, uncle , grandfather. And by the age of 6, it becomes extremely necessary for him to spend time with adult men, imitating them and imitating their behavior. And here the mother should make sure that her son has someone to communicate with.

Joint leisure with his father helps the boy to decide in life, to understand who he is. After all, only through communication with the father and other men the child masters the norms of male behavior, forms his own opinion. And the sooner dad starts raising his son, the sooner he will form a male stereotype of behavior.

But what if dad is not around? In this case, the mother needs to find among relatives or friends a person who could at least from time to time appear in the boy's life. For example, you can take the baby to the grandfather for the weekend and leave them soldering, planing and crafting together. And when the baby grows up, you should find him a sports section or circle, the leader of which is a man who really loves his job.

In addition, the image of a real man for your boy can be found not only among real people. For this purpose, imaginary characters are quite suitable. It is enough to find a book character that the son would like to look up to, hang a photo of a brave grandfather on the wall, talk about his ancestors and their courageous deeds. In other words, it is necessary to create for the son a microclimate conducive to his male development.

3. You can only raise a real man in a stable atmosphere.

First of all, a boy (however, like a girl) needs love and harmony in the family. A father should not be afraid to show tenderness to his son. With such things, he will not spoil the child, but will form his basic trust in the world and confidence in his loved ones. To love means to be indifferent to the problems and feelings of a child, to see a personality in him. A boy brought up sensitively and consistently grows up open, calm, self-confident, capable of sympathy, the manifestation of emotions.

4. Teach your boy to express his feelings freely.

It is important that the family does not have a ban on the expression of feelings. Crying is a natural manifestation of stress. So do not follow the stereotypes and scold the boy for tears. It’s just worth treating them as a signal that the child is ill, and not suppressing his emotions, but teaching him to express them, if possible, in a different way.

5. Admit your mistakes openly

How to raise a real man? Of course, by personal example, to show that you should always be responsible for your words. Moms and dads should be critical of themselves. If necessary, admit they were wrong and ask for forgiveness from their son, by doing this they will only strengthen their authority, showing justice.

6. Build empathy in your child

Cultivate moral qualities in the boy. Being still a preschooler, he can understand and do a lot, starting with helping his mother around the house and ending with respect for the elderly in transport. Such behavior should be "served" as the norm. To clean up the dishes, make the bed, give way to the grandmother on the bus - this is normal for the future man.

7. Raising a boy, encourage independence in him.

Great attention in the development of the boy should be given to his independence. Let him sometimes feel his importance and freedom. In the future, this will help him to become happy and successful, to maximize his potential. Boys tend to strive for self-assertion and leadership. This is very important for their further development. Therefore, it is necessary to encourage the son's desire to make his own choice, to think independently, to remind him that he is responsible for his actions.

8. Take your child to sports sections

Children need physical activity for full physical development. While the child is small, you need to walk with him more, let him run, jump, fall, climb, explore the world under the strict guidance of his parents. Later, time should be set aside in the son’s weekly schedule for the sports section, where he could improve his physical abilities and feel strong, dexterous, self-confident.

We agree in advance

Moms should take note of one "secret" in the contact between dad and child. Fathers are often afraid to stay with the baby for a long time because they feel insecure. Therefore, make dad's leisure time with the child as specific as possible.

For example, say, “Tomorrow I will be away on business for a couple of hours. Let's figure out what you could do with the baby. Or: “On Saturday, you will finally be able to build the hut that our boy has long dreamed of.” So you give the man a chance to mentally prepare for communication with the little one.

P.S. When communicating with a child, moms and dads should not be afraid to be funny, awkward or unsuccessful. Children, as you know, forgive their parents everything except falsehood and indifference.

star parents

Dmitry Dyuzhev and Vanya (5 years old)

“The best method of raising a boy is love, I squeeze my son endlessly and kiss! My wife and I are cultivating self-sufficiency in Van, we want him not only to be calm and self-confident, but also to love people himself. And of course, don't overdo it. Let him spoil the carpets, if necessary, let him crawl into the ink, let the sand try - there is no need to ban it.

Alisa Grebenshchikova and Alyosha (5 years old)

“Alyosha grows up in a large family, where everyone has their own role. He sees how women behave, what they do. Our grandmother is responsible for comfort. With grandfathers he has manly games. We somehow went to the store with my son, and I suggested that he choose any toy. Alyosha opted for a chainsaw. He was 4 years old. “I will cut wood,” said the son. The fact is that he saw how grandfather does this in the country, who also removes the leaves and cleans the snow. Alyosha understands that all this is part of men's duties.

When a son grows up in a family, every good parent is puzzled by the question: How to raise and educate a son as a real man? How to raise a boy as a man: persistent, courageous and able to take responsibility for his words and deeds. Of course, this is a lifelong task, but there are certain basic principles that will help you in this difficult task - raising a boy.

So the main points are:

Discipline physical and spiritual

It just so happens that boys potentially have more energy than girls initially, but then we see a sad picture in our society when a man becomes lazy, unable to fulfill himself and simply burns his life. Roots have been growing since childhood, when, perhaps, parents did not take care of the correct realization of this energy. So, watching your son explore the world physically, trying to feel everything directly with physical force, direct his energy in the right direction, namely:

• In the sports section(such sections can be even for the smallest kids), depending on preferences, it can be not only football or martial arts. Present your future man with views and let him choose what he likes.
• If your boy loves draw or read books, it can be combined with sports, to each his own. It is also a burst of energy.

By the way, if we talk about energy, then the question is important here. It is necessary that the future man receives all the necessary trace elements, vitamins, proteins.

Purposefulness and overcoming obstacles

First of all support your son's independence, do not slide into overprotectiveness, let's do everything for him so that he feels that the initiative is in his hands. This gives rise to a sense of self worth and dignity. Here it is important to make sure that the child brings all his undertakings to the end. After all, it happens that in relation to his son he does not even give a chance to finish something on his own. If something does not work out on the way to the goal, let the child understand that mistakes in life are given to us for self-improvement and learning new things. You need to teach your child how to lose correctly and understand that losing can be the road to a new peak. You can use the example of fairy tales to explain this to a child. Of course, this is difficult even for mature men, so you need to try yourself, because this is: if we want to educate something in a child, we need to do it ourselves. Hence the next point:

A father should be a real example for his son

How to raise a boy to be a real man? To be a man, a boy must see an example in front of him every day, so from a certain age (often before school), your child begins to associate himself more and more with his father, because he already understands more of his similarity with his dad. Carefully observes the actions of the father and learn everything from him. The Pope should be an authoritative source of both theoretical and practical information. Thus, you will not envy dads 🙂 - now they are under vigilant supervision, and therefore you need to monitor your actions, words and even thoughts. , should also be an absolutely habitual thing on the part of the father. However, mothers do not stand aside:

What should mothers do to raise their son to be a real man?

Recent observations by psychologists indicate that boys who receive less maternal affection in the future may have problems in relationships with girls. It is important to understand here that a mother should not be something like a “friend” for her son, there should be a clear difference between relations with father and mother. Father is strict, clear, even harsh, but fair. Mom is gentle, caring, even if incapable of any actions that her son can do for her: help bring a package from the store, bring a chair, something else that will allow the boy feel like a strong man. This is very important, because observing certain tendencies of behavior in the family - the son in the future will transfer them to his family when he becomes an adult. The following feeling should also grow out of such help:

Sensuality, compassion and care

Caring for those who are weaker than you, compassion for those who are limited in some way, caring for elders. For example (and here, of course, you will be against it, but this is very important): pick up an animal from the street, a kitten or a puppy. But first you need to understand that the pet is suitable for your boyfriend's temperament. Help grandma outside. Stand up for someone who can't defend himself.

Always encourage development, movement forward

What can be observed in almost all boys is the desire to know the whole world around them. These are worms brought under the mother's nose from the garden or another broken, in your opinion, but in the opinion of the child, “explored” toy. In raising a son, it is very important that the baby receives the maximum number of answers to your questions, because this is how the brain trains and intelligence develops. Encourage all the pursuit of knowledge: what it is? how does it work? why does it work? And here one should not think that this is knowledge for boys, but this is not. Your son will decide for himself what he is interested in knowing, because everyone has their own preferences. Within reason, of course! Do not think that creativity, for example, is not for boys. What if your son will be the new Da Vinci? Will you kill in him the desire to develop in this direction? This is a very delicate question: how to identify the talents and strengths of the child? So watch closely and help in learning new things. Including the knowledge of the new lies in the answers to questions that the little son has a wagon and a small cart. And yes, yes, the most sensitive question: of course, the father must answer this question. To form the correct attitude towards the opposite sex in the son from childhood.

Of course, the above tips are not a panacea, each parent chooses for himself what qualities are more priority for a future man, but everyone has the same goal - how to raise a boy as a real man. God help you! And if your next little miracle is a girl, we recommend reading the article on our website about that. You can also read about how to deal with disobedience in a separate article "".

If you are the mother of a son. The secrets of raising boys that every mother wants to know!

1. Communication with the son is important!

The connection between a mother and her son is fragile and thin, so that over the years, children's love grows into respect, trust and care, you need to properly educate your son. In order to properly educate, this means “not to break” individuality, but to show participation in the interests of the child.

2. What mistakes should be avoided and avoided in communication with your son?

Consult with your son in matters that are important to him. "No one asks you." At first, you don’t ask your son what he wants and decide for him, and then he doesn’t know what to do and runs to his mother for advice on every occasion, being already an adult with his own family and children. Sounds stupid, but it happens. The main task of parents is to adapt their child to adulthood. And what's the best way to do it? Consult with him, ask his opinion, for example, what your child wants to wear for a walk, what toys he wants to take with him, what things he liked best in stores, where and with whom he wants to play. “- Dreaming”: many mothers protect children from what they themselves think is interesting or dangerous. You think skateboarding or cycling is too dangerous, or boxing or taekwondo is too much, and jumping into the water will not lead to anything good. And what should we do then? Let the child play, go to sports, to the pool, etc., whatever he likes. Even if this is not useful in the future, but the child will try himself, test his strength, accumulate his life experience!

3. Never laugh at your son!

Laugh with your son, not at him! Children are very vulnerable, especially boys, and may misunderstand you. In order not to offend or offend the baby, watch at what point you laughed in communication with your son. After all, children are very funny and this causes involuntary laughter in adults. How to proceed? Explain to your son that you are not laughing at him, but at the image that he portrays, praise the child and say that you are proud of him.

4. Don't kiss your baby anywhere!

It is not right to think that a baby can be kissed anywhere. Kissing on the lips and even more so in intimate places are taboos. This action of a sexual nature, which is not applicable to children, can break the psyche. What is the right thing to do? Hug your baby more often, kiss him on the forehead, nose, say that you love him very much and build mutual love.

5. Never change in front of your baby!

Children see everything as adults and understand everything, much more than we think. If a mother calmly changes clothes in front of her grown son, then he will be able to discuss the knowledge of the female body among friends in the yard or in the garden, which his parents will not like. How to be? Do not change in front of the baby, forget about it in his presence, treat him like a man!

6. Never humiliate a child.

Especially you can not humiliate in front of strangers. Some mothers like to get together and talk about their children, and at this time their baby hears everything. If you discuss your son's failures in front of other women, he will lose confidence in you and in women in general. How to be? Support the child, if something did not work out for him, analyze the situation with him and find the reason for the failure. Let the boy repeat what he has done until everything works out well! Then he has fun with the confidence that his mother is on his side. Love and respect, appreciate and praise your children and get the same in return!