Empty promises from men. Why does he only promise but never do anything?

I admit, after the divorce I felt extremely insecure. It is not surprising that soon the most unsuitable person for me was nearby. I made a list of traits of people I didn't want to date again. Here are 5 types of men to avoid.

1. The Heartbroken Hero

A person whose relationship has recently ended has not had time to heal his wounds. He will do this with your help; getting close to him threatens to become an eternal vest. Most likely, he has low self-esteem - your task will be to raise it. But not only a romantic interest can break the heart of such a man. These may also be life circumstances that he cannot cope with. In every new relationship, he again runs away from their decision.

Comment by Maria Lekareva:
In this case, it is more important how a man reacts to the breakup of a previous relationship or life situation. If a person tries to understand and admits his contribution to failure, he has a chance to change, the relationship with him may have a future. If he blames others or circumstances for his problems, he will most likely treat the new woman irresponsibly and consumeristly.

2. Master of compliments

It's nice when a man knows how to give compliments. But there is reason to be wary if he does not know the limits. Often this indicates a desire to quickly move on to a more intimate acquaintance. Sometimes the false theatricality hides self-doubt. He is not ready for a relationship and is training you in your communication skills with women.

Comment by Maria Lekareva:
It is necessary to take into account the environment in which a person grew up. In southern countries this is often just the norm for courtly play and is not taken too seriously by either side. But if the compliments do not look like impromptu, most likely the man is really hiding behind the phrases he is repeating; it is difficult for him to be himself. In this case, it is not so easy to find out what it really is.

3. People who like to keep their distance

Unlike a man with a broken heart, who is ready to live a new story with every woman, this hero will never allow himself warmth and emotional intimacy. If you once ask why he didn’t have a relationship with anyone, he will answer that he was not lucky enough to meet his soul mate. Don't believe it.

In the presence of others, he often avoids displays of affection and tries not to show that you are together. Here he is honest with you - he does not intend to get close to you. Leave him to deal with the baggage of his past, which for some reason hinders human rapprochement.

Comment by Maria Lekareva:
We are often talking about intimophobia - a painful condition in which a person avoids close, trusting relationships. The prospects for creating a full-fledged long-term union with him are slim, unless the woman prefers a guest marriage. That is, she herself maintains distance in relationships.

4. King of Tragedy

Blows of fate happen in everyone's life. However, there are collectors of unresolved problems that such people acquire throughout their lives. If you immediately find out that he and his ex-wife have not found a common language regarding children or property, at work in the center of endless conflicts, most likely they offer you a chair on a volcano. Not the most enviable position.

Comment by Maria Lekareva:
If a man only complains, and his problems are reproduced in every new job or with every new woman, the prospects for the relationship seem depressing. But it is important to evaluate not the number of problems, but how to solve them. If a man is not inactive and his actions do not contradict your values, this relationship may have a future.

5. Eternal child

He is not able to make a decision on his own and take action. He often finds himself without a job and can only succeed if you take his life under constant control. There are men who never cut the umbilical cord with their mother. They will give her role to any woman who is ready to take care of them. Are you ready for this adoption?

Comment by Maria Lekareva:
It is worth honestly assessing your strengths and preferences. There are women who are closer to matriarchal relationships; they do not get along with dominant men. If you are ready to play first fiddle in the family, perhaps this type will suit you, provided that your mother has already let him go.

“The main thing is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater.”

“It can be difficult to build relationships with these types of people, if their psychological characteristics are pronounced,” admits Jungian analyst Lev Khegai. – But the main thing is not to draw hasty conclusions and not to confuse these manifestations with the stages of intimacy through which any union passes.

If adults are looking for new relationships, it means they have had unsuccessful ones. Therefore, we will be greeted by a “hero with a broken heart.” After a recent failure, he will feel insecure and try to look like a master of compliments. He, of course, will at first avoid intimacy and openness and keep his distance. If we manage to get him to talk, we will recognize him as the “king of tragedy.” Each of us has a lot of past traumas in our souls. The ability to talk about them is an indicator of trust. If, having trusted, the partner relaxes and gives free rein to his feelings, you may feel that he is a “baby” who wants to find his mommy. All this can coexist in one person. You should trust yourself and be ready to go through these stages together. This is the only way you can assess the degree of maturity of your partner.”

How to behave if man speaks, But Not does? This is a common question that worries many women. In addition, they cannot understand what caused this behavior, because it is simply considered a deception, because of which women suffer in the future and do not find a place for themselves.

As a rule, men do not like being forced to do something, and if during such coercion they are also asked to back up their promise with their word of honor, then there is no point in hoping for their fulfillment. In order to expect what you want from a man, you need to make him want to do something good for his beloved. Often, representatives of the fairer sex resort to certain tricks, thanks to which men perform wonderful deeds. However, such tricks can only be used by wise women who understand well how to behave.

Very often, men can forget about their promises, and as a rule, this happens due to their constant busyness. However, there are also those who do not tolerate a woman’s tears and promise her everything she wants. Of course, this is not an excuse, since good deeds must be sincere. Women must understand that if they put too much pressure on men and beg for what they promised, then waiting for this is also useless. Every person has the right to choose, so you shouldn’t put pressure on him or demand what he wants.

Let's consider a specific situation. For example, a man promised a girl to have dinner at a restaurant, but suddenly a friend called him asking him to help solve a problem that had arisen. Male friendship is often strong, so helping a friend is a duty that cannot be ignored. In such a situation, the woman will probably be upset and make it clear that she is offended. You shouldn’t hold a grudge, because there are often situations in life when people really need the help of their close friends.

It often happens that men promise their loved ones to do something within a specific time frame, but forget about it and do what they promised much later. All this time the woman waits, gets angry and greets her lover with a scandal. In this case, unpunctual men should not make promises that will be fulfilled at a clearly specified time. It is best to promise to do it tomorrow, the other day, in the evening, during the day.

If the man says but doesn't do, representatives of the fairer sex should not be too concerned about this, since by turning a blind eye to many things, life will become much easier. In addition, you can avoid quarrels and disagreements in relationships. By accepting people as they are, they will definitely appreciate it and change for the better.

Today we will look at this question: “What to do in a timely manner if a man does not call when he promised, or agreed to meet? He did not call, did not write an SMS. Is there any point in raising him, or is it better to say goodbye right away?”

So, is it worth putting up with a man’s disrespectful attitude towards himself, or should he go straight to the garden? :)

Your question is not about your man at all. Your question is personal you. You need to understand - what exactly is the greatest value for you?

To answer your question (yes, probably to answer any question at all), you need to look within yourself and look at your values. And also on your personal belief system.

The question is this: is it a priority value for you that a man treats you with respect, that he keeps his word, that he is honest, sincere, that he does not cheat or play around?

Of course you want all this. But you need to understand what other values ​​you have about your man. And put all these values ​​in order of priority.

For example, the main thing for you is that the man is always next to you. Because he is the smartest, the most beautiful, the best. Or: the main thing is that he is a good person and calls his mother-in-law mom. But whether he is responsible for his words is the tenth matter.

Look inside yourself!

If you are very upset by the fact that he does not call you when he promised, then this means that this is really important to you. If this bothers you, but you can live, forget about it and enjoy life!

Just think - he didn't call... Maybe he's just forgetful. Or a very busy person! Or maybe he is a very good person! This may well be the case - forgetful, but very good! :)

Therefore, my advice to you is this: weigh your values ​​​​associated with this man! Place them under a microscope and examine them carefully.

If your man satisfies all your needs, but just sometimes does not call, this is one situation. And if he constantly shows disrespect for you and does not satisfy some of your values, that’s a completely different story!

If your new acquaintance does not keep his word even in small things, it probably would not make much sense to continue building a relationship with him. Because if now he can’t just call you, then in the future you won’t be able to count on him in more serious situations.

Do you need this? :)

So, if you have not yet built a close relationship with him, please think hard about whether you should continue to get closer to him?

The decision is always yours, because life is yours. It's up to you to live. I explained to you what exactly to pay attention to. Therefore, look inside yourself, carefully weigh your values ​​and make the right decision!

And finally: any decision you make will be correct! There are no wrong decisions. Just different decisions will lead you to different scenarios for the development of your precious life. Keep this in mind! :)

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“False promises are more annoying than outright refusals,” French lexicographer Pierre Boist once said. Each of us has friends and acquaintances who systematically let others down and do not fulfill their promises. Or maybe you have noticed this behavior in yourself. Optionalism often becomes a character trait, but there are different reasons for it. Therefore, first of all, it is worth finding the source of the problem, and only then looking for a solution.

We are in website We examined some cases of optionality in order to understand where it came from and what to do if someone’s promises are not worth a penny.

1. Out of friendship

The first thing to do if there is someone next to you who feeds you promises instead of dessert is to talk. Trite but effective advice. It is possible that what for you is unfulfilled promises and disrespect for yourself, for another person is a manifestation of understanding and depth of friendship. This needs to be invented and explained to someone else, but you can be refused at the last moment - you are “your people, you will understand everything.” In this case, it is worth discussing your ideas about trust and commitment and taking steps towards it. You should not take everything to heart, and your friend should take your feelings into account.

In addition, the conversation will help you understand the reasons for unnecessary behavior. After all, if someone just needs help and support, then it’s high time to put the other person in his place.

2. Inability to say “no”

One of the most common reasons for broken promises is a simple inability to say “no.” Many were brought up with the idea that people need to be helped, so a person strives to promise everyone his time, care and help. And then it turns out that there are more promises than there are hours in the day and strength inside. If you encounter such a person, let him understand that any of your requests can be immediately and honestly rejected; this is much better than, out of politeness, promising something that you cannot fulfill.

3. Laziness

Also, laziness often tells us to forget about what was promised. There seemed to be so much enthusiasm when he agreed, but when the time came, the small task turned into such a huge problem in the eyes of the one who promised that the mere thought of fulfilling his word was stressful. In this case, you shouldn’t ask the person for anything else - it’s unlikely that next time he won’t suddenly want to sleep an extra hour or watch a movie instead of, for example, picking you up from the plane. Laziness in such people is not a periodic weakness, but a lifestyle.

4. Desire to please

Another type of people who constantly make promises but don't keep them are those who just want to look better in your eyes. Such people usually have no intention of keeping their word - they are simply throwing dust in their eyes to gain your favor. They have already prepared an ingenious excuse, which not only is impossible to dig into, but after it you even want to help the sudden “sufferer”. In extreme cases, such people go on an aggressive offensive - they talk about how no one owes anyone anything and twist the situation so that you are still to blame. The advice here is the same - don’t expect anything more, but the main thing is not to feel bad because you are moving away from “such a good person.” Remember, he didn’t “do so much for you,” but “promised you so much in vain.”

And remember: if someone’s behavior repeatedly causes you discomfort, offends you, or makes you angry, you always have the right to remove such a person from your life. Even if it is difficult or painful, first of all you should take care of yourself and your feelings.

I had a friend. One day he says to me: “Lend me some money. Seven thousand rubles."

This happened at the beginning of the 2000s, the amount was considerable at that time. Or does it just seem that way to me now? Doesn't matter. The main thing is that he took the money and disappeared. Despite the fact that before that we communicated almost every day, on the whole we got along, and in general, nothing foreshadowed. However, he disappeared. Not immediately, but, as is expected in such cases, gradually.

The scenario was standard: at first - assurances that he would give it back soon, then he stopped picking up the phone when I called him. He called back less and less, began to ignore my text messages, and slowly but surely disappeared from the horizon.

The nuance is that, despite all our close communication, I did not know where he worked (they were talking about something else), and keeping watch over him at his house on the other side of the city was difficult and somehow stupid. We also didn’t have any mutual acquaintances. In short, everything is one to one. And now six months pass, I’m already beginning to forget (not giving up, however, the dream of breaking his arms and legs) when Seryozha called. He asks for forgiveness without explaining - we must give him his due - the reasons, since any explanation in such a situation would be a meaningless lie, even if it turned out to be true. He assures that he will return the money - with excusable interest on top of what was taken. You'll be home on Thursday after eight, I'll come over? Yes, I will, I answer. Great, he says. Sorry again.

Eight months later. I cross the road, and the first one in the far right lane in front of the traffic light is his car. I unfold the Vedomosti, put it on the hood and sit on top. “Give me my money, I’m waiting,” I say. He gets out, takes out his wallet, digs around, and pulls out half the amount. No, they say, I’m sorry, and that’s what it is. When I ask about the rest, I understand that it is useless: everything will be as it already was. I’ll give it back by the end of the week, he says. And got back into the car.

What could I do? Punch him in the face? It would be nice. I tried. However, when I grabbed the door, it turned out that it was locked. I had to kick this very door, leaving a decent dent. These are your excused percentages, I say. Without opening the window, he read my lips and drove off.

There is only one thing surprising in this story - Sergei turned out to be not who I thought he was. Everything else is generally clear. It is interesting, however, that the question is - why show up six months later, if it is already clear that there will be no money? - arose only among the women to whom I told this story. Moreover, they reacted very emotionally, and Sergei, as a rule, aroused in them terrible, burning hatred. Okay, I took it and didn’t return it, but why call and promise if you’ll deceive me anyway, they said, turning not so much to me as to their own, as I understand it, heartfelt experience. Simply put, they projected classic money deception onto male deception in general.

What could I say to them in response? That their question is rhetorical and eternal? That making promises is more dangerous than not wanting to make them? That promises are a credit of trust, which, although taken on favorable terms - without interest - still remains a loan. And this, as you know, is a scheme in which the one who took it will always be glad not to return what he took. And the creditor will inevitably begin to cause irritation.

Here you also need to keep in mind the difference between the promises that men make to each other and the promises to women. In the first case, failure to fulfill what was promised is simply a fact in itself, in the second there is a fact and a bunch of aggravating circumstances: where he promised, how he looked, how many days (exact number) he did not call, what he was wearing (“that stupid green hat of his... That’s how I felt, you can’t trust a man wearing such a hat!”).

“Women talk to each other the same way men talk to men. But women always pay attention to details” - Amy Winehouse was right three hundred times.

A woman wants to take a man’s word, she often insists and at the same time always admits that she is being deceived. Such, you know, the feverish trembling of a card player who has put everything on the line and is watching the hand. “Keep what you promise” is one of the fetishes of the weaker sex in relation to the stronger sex, an important item in the list of traits of the ideal Him, well, you know, “a real man always keeps his word.”

It is, in general, correct and understandable: the one who can be responsible for his words is cool and has a wide back (which, of course, any woman really wants to hide behind, even if she goes for a technical inspection herself and has mastered the iPad without outside help). At the same time, the inability to keep promises is almost the main complaint against men. Type the keywords “man” and “promises” into Google - the three most popular options will automatically appear in the window: “a man does not keep promises”, “a man does not keep promises” and - only the third number - “a man keeps promises”. Moreover, if you try this most optimistic option, you will see links to texts with the headings “Why men don’t keep their promises,” “Empty and false promises of men about love to their supposedly loved ones...” and “How to make a man keep his promises.” Hmmm, here it is, reputation.

Not for the purpose of self-defense, but I will note: most often a man promises something that he will not fulfill for two reasons: in an effort to wishful thinking (to show himself better than he really is, to gain the notorious credit of trust) or hoping to get away from the conflict, hoping to put out the fire with the magic words “I promise.” Although no, I’m lying, there is a third reason, and it is very important. This is pressure from a woman. It sounds pathetic, and yet let’s admit, girls, that you often put pressure on us, creating a situation in which it is almost impossible not to promise. Although no one argues, a man has his own head on his shoulders, and if he blurted out something without thinking, on the spur of the moment, this hardly justifies him.

I’m not saying that every empty promise we make is the woman’s fault, and, of course, the man who pulled the wool over the lady’s ears takes full responsibility for what was said. However, female blackmail, often perhaps unintentionally, is a common thing. Tears, pouting lips. Offended tone. Denial of sex. Anything goes. I am wrong?

While you are throwing stones at me, I will tell you a story. Unfortunately, every woman has enough examples of classic male deception in her memory stash, so I won’t add fuel to the fire. My story has a happy ending, which, however, no one expected.

A friend of mine dated a girl for several years. Oddly enough, the girl didn’t really dream of marriage, but she wanted a child. And slowly but surely it led to this. The friend kicked back. It’s not that he didn’t want to, it’s not that he didn’t love his girlfriend - well, he was just afraid of the unknown, which is why he hesitated. But the screws were tightened, and at some point there was nowhere to retreat.

One fine winter night - again under the influence of the moment - my friend promised that he would give his beloved everything she wanted for her birthday. A friend wanted a child. Okay, said the friend and began to count how long he had left to live. The birthday was scheduled for December 15th. There were two weeks left. Of course he deceived her.

Conception did not happen. What he said there, what reasons he made up, it doesn’t matter now. The main thing is that the project did not take place. There was a hell of a scandal, my friend packed her things and left. On New Year's Eve they met in the apartment of mutual friends, and the friends specially arranged everything - they invited both. Friends, on the one hand, behaved incorrectly and interfered in someone else’s personal life, but, on the other hand, they did everything right. In short, the couple met, had a fight again, and made up closer to the morning. They did conceive a child - however, almost a year later, in November, and this is the very case when it’s better late. Why is it better late?

Because the new year was 1998. There was a default in August. Both lost their jobs. By November, things had more or less improved - it wasn’t that the work had turned out to be decent, but it had turned out in principle, which was already cool in that situation. Then everything began to improve and by the summer it was almost back to its original position. Their son was born in July 1999. And if they had conceived on December 15, 1997, they could have been born, it’s clear when, do the math for yourself. By not keeping his word, my friend got into big problems, but avoided even bigger ones: giving birth to a child in the midst of a crisis is, you know, not a fountain.

Of course, this is just an accident, an exception to the rule, which does not at all justify failure to fulfill a given word, but the winners are not judged, right?

Barbra Streisand once said, “I could make a whole book out of the promises men made to me in bed.” Remember these golden words, and your life will be much easier.

And finally. If a man promises and NEVER keeps his word, this is a diagnosis. Draw conclusions as quickly as possible. If mistakes happen... well, they just happen, then you need to be careful in your judgments. And consider each mistake separately.

Yes, and I have a request to you - don’t push. Otherwise, we know these twists of female logic.

She: I want this and that.

He: I can not. (Tears, lips, refusal of sex.)

He: OK then.

She: Do you promise?

He:(with a sigh) Yes.

He did not keep his promise.

She: You lied to me! Why?

He: Because you put pressure on me!

She: SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE IN! I WOULD STAND ON MY OWN! OR ARE YOU NOT A MAN?

After all, women are fantastic creatures. Thank you for being here.

PS. The friend we were talking about at the beginning, the one who cheated me out of money, many years later was left without a business. He lent everything he had, hoping to receive a substantial commission. And he didn’t receive anything - neither the commission nor what he gave. I have nothing to do with this. But when I found out, as you understand, I didn’t cry. Still, credit of trust, hmm, is a delicate thing.