Family conflicts and their solutions. Nervous anxiety and restlessness. How to avoid family conflicts

Conflicts in the family, as in love relationships, are natural. The cause of many conflicts in family life is the desire of each spouse to encourage the rest of the family to live by his rules. Indeed, it is so convenient when other people agree to act in a way that is comfortable for a person. However, others are not obliged to obey, which is why science is forced to look for ways to resolve disputes that often arise within the family.

You need to be calm about quarrels that arise between spouses:

1. First, they are normal. Two people each have their own views, opinions, desires, which do not always coincide with the other point of view.
2. Secondly, spouses must communicate with each other in order to agree on something, to come to some kind of compromise.

The problem is not in what the spouses did not agree on, but in the fact that they do not try to agree. The difference of opinions and inconsistency of desires is actually a quickly eliminated phenomenon. The problem always arises where people do not want to hear each other, they turn to screams and insults, drag out, and do not solve.

A person's inability to keep emotions under control is often an indicator of an immature soul and an unhappy lifestyle. A person is indignant, afraid of something, dissatisfied, capricious and wants everything to be brought to his feet. This causes some tension within the individual, not allowing him to feel calm in any situation. And if you are nervous in any situation, even with a petty quarrel, then you should think not only about the problem of communicating with other people, but also about why you feel irritated and restless in relation to the world.

Do not quarrel, but speak calmly. Adult, self-confident people always remain calm. This allows them not only to listen to the interlocutors who also want to be heard, but also to calm them down, because if you do not go on screaming, then your interlocutor will soon stop screaming. Speak calmly, express your opinion, but do not impose it. Understand that no one will force you to do anything without your desire. Be calm: nothing will be taken away from you and they will not force you to do what you do not want.

Do not quarrel, but speak calmly! This is useful for you. You are not nervous, you are not worried. You understand that a certain problem has arisen that needs to be solved, but you do not lose anything from this and do not become a bad person. A calm state and a sober look will help you see the problem at the root and quickly solve it.

Remain calm during a controversial situation, and then your interlocutor will also be able to remain calm, because you are not attacking him. This will also help to quickly resolve the issue, since both you and your opponent will listen to each other, analyze and try to find a way out of the situation.

What are family conflicts?

The website of the psychological help site considers conflicts in the family to be a natural process when two people clash with opinions or desires, as a result of which they want to find a common direction. It can even be said that quarrels indicate the unity of the spouses, despite the fact that at the time of the conflict they are arguing.

• Firstly, if the spouses quarrel, then they have something to share. And people do not always share common property, but also freedom, personal territory, children, etc. In other words, spouses quarrel only when the subject of the dispute is important to them. Moreover, conflict occurs when a person does not want to quarrel with the opposite side. Such a paradox: people quarrel because they do not want to offend each other, while not infringing on themselves.
• Secondly, the quarrel suggests that the spouses are still moving along the same path. Conflict is the absence of the path that two people are willing to take. It is at the moment of the dispute that they try to find him. This shows that people want to go further together, which is why they are so fiercely trying to get each other to do what seems to be the best option for them so far.

Psychologists consider quarrels in the family to be normal. It is already abnormal that, due to conflicts, spouses begin to hate each other and even more so get divorced. That is why the question of how to resolve conflicts in the family, which will always arise, becomes very important.

Conflict in the family is one way of interaction between spouses and even children. This process also has a positive side: a quarrel encourages relationships to develop, transform, go in some direction. Sometimes people quarrel because this is the only way they have something in common. Each family has its own quirks, which have the right to be if it unites the spouses.

It's natural when people fight, especially if those people are spouses and loving partners. It is foolish to hope that there will never be quarrels in your relationship, since there are no two identical people in the world. No matter how close and loved you are, there will always be issues in which your opinion will not coincide with the opinion of your partner. And this must be remembered so as not to be surprised why a scandal erupted in your ideal relationship.

How do people usually resolve disputes? They shout, criticize, condemn, scandalize, even beat the dishes and come running. It's no secret that these methods of solving problems only leave scars in the relationship of lovers. However, people keep shouting and shouting when they cannot agree on some concepts. But one truth should be remembered: the one who screams cannot be heard! That is why, after quarrels and screams, the problem is not solved until the partners begin to communicate with each other in a calm tone.

Any relationship where partners want to strengthen bonds and love needs the ability of partners to quarrel peacefully. By this type of quarrel, it is understood that you resolve the conflict situation in the most beneficial way for both parties, while showing respect for each other. You do not give up what is important to you, but at the same time you accept what is important to your loved one.

Usually spouses quarrel because they want to prove the correctness of their opinion and do not want to hear that it is possible to resolve the issue in some other way. However, the opponent is trying to do the same. So, how, in this case, can the issue be resolved if neither side hears the other, but tries to instill only its own point of view into the mind of the opponent? In a peaceful quarrel, the principle is important when you respect the difference between your opinions and your partner. You understand that your loved one thinks differently from you, but you respect both yours and his point of view.

A peaceful quarrel in the family involves:

• that partners are able to discuss differences in each other with respect;
• that partners allow each other to have their own opinions and their own characteristics that are not inherent in the other side;
• that partners are worthy of respect, despite the fact that their opinion seems erroneous and wrong.

No two people are the same. Therefore, your opinion can be just as right or wrong as the opinion of another person. Learn to respect the difference between your own and someone else's point of view. Seek not to make the other person think like you, but to find a solution to the problem that started the argument, so that it suits both you and your beloved partner.

Why do family conflicts arise?

There are a large number of reasons for the emergence of a family conflict, because marriage involves not only running a joint household and having children, but also the desire to fulfill one's desires, satisfy needs, and live happily. A man and a woman continue to be people who also want to improve their lives by creating a marriage.

However, conflicts arise when spouses have a clash of opposing or non-coinciding views, desires, interests, needs, etc. Common reasons for quarrels between spouses are:

• Drunkenness of one of the spouses.
• The difference in views on the conduct of family life.
• Marital infidelity.
• Egoism of spouses.
• Excessive jealousy.
• Disrespect for partners.
• Unmet needs.
• Non-participation of one of the spouses in the upbringing of children or housekeeping.

Of course, every family has its own reasons for conflict. And often there are several of these reasons. Thus, all conflicts are divided into:

1. Creative - when partners are ready to endure, find compromises, negotiate, conduct constructive dialogues. This requires a conscious approach to the process, a willingness to give up something small in order to make progress in the relationship. Such alliances are only strengthened through the joint efforts of both partners.
2. Destructive - when in a conflict everyone does not want to listen to the desires and interests of the other side, he insists only on his own version of solving the problem. As a result of such disputes, the respect of the spouses for each other is lost. Communication between them becomes forced. Often partners begin to act in spite of each other. The result is often a divorce, in which everyone blames only the opposite side, ignoring those actions that were committed personally.

Thus, the following causes of family conflicts can be distinguished:

• The desire of each person to realize only their desires and needs in family life.
• Desire to self-assertion and self-actualization.
• Inability to conduct constructive dialogues with relatives, relatives, children, friends.
• The unwillingness of a person to participate in the conduct of a joint household, life.
• Excessive material needs of the spouse (s) in the absence of the opportunity to earn a lot of money.
• Divergence of opinions regarding the upbringing of joint children.
• Indifference in the upbringing of children.
• Differences in views on the roles of husband/wife, mother/father, head of the family, etc.
• Unreasonable expectations of partners.
• Temperament difference.
• Unwillingness to understand the other, which leads to a lack of constructive dialogue.
• Excessive jealousy, the presence of betrayal, neglect of intimate relationships.
• Household disorder.
• The presence of bad habits or the consequences associated with them.
• Material disadvantage.
• Difference in material, spiritual, family values.

Conflicts in a young family

Conflicts often arise in the first year of a young family. To eliminate them, partners must be willing to:

1. Moral and social. Here the education of partners, age, social standard of living become important. Thus, a favorable age for marriage for women is 22-23 years, for men - 23-24 years. A woman should not be older than a man. A man can be no more than 12 years older than his wife. People must have a clear understanding of what marriage is, what is expected of them in marriage, and the willingness to fulfill their obligations, and not just demand the fulfillment of their rights. The spouses should be willing to lead a healthy lifestyle that will strengthen the family and raise healthy children. Housing and material well-being do not always affect the longevity of relationships, but sometimes they become an intensifying factor for the development of quarrels.
2. Motivational. The family should be based on love, willingness to take on responsibilities, raise children and make them self-sufficient people, to be independent.
3. Psychological. The presence of such qualities and behaviors that will contribute to the strengthening, development of the family and the resolution of conflict situations.
4. Pedagogical. The presence of certain knowledge in various areas of family life and the willingness to apply this knowledge.

There is not a single family in which quarrels would not occur. However, the willingness of the spouses to resolve any disputes that will arise not only between them, but also within each of them is important.

Family conflicts between children

When a second child appears in a family, this often leads to frequent conflicts between children. This is quite normal, because children are fighting for the attention and love of their parents, the desire to win them over to their side, supremacy and power over others. Conflicts between children are normal. Parents try to interfere with them, but this often leads to the fact that children simply stop conflicting in front of them.

It is necessary to solve the cause of the quarrel between children, and not just punish someone, protecting the second, which only increases the hatred of children for each other.

Parents should not be upset because of the presence of conflicts between children, since even in happy families they can arise. Sometimes ignoring the conflict is the best tactic, because often children work "for the public."

Resolution of conflicts in the family

To resolve conflicts in the family, you need to strive for understanding. If both spouses try to hear each other, then a compromise is possible. There is no need to win here, because victory implies the presence of a loser. A union is a union of two equal partners, not a slave and a master. Two spouses should be comfortable in a relationship so that in the end the marriage union does not collapse due to the fact that someone's desires are not realized.

When solving family quarrels, one should not run away from problems, but solve them. Engage in constructive and calm dialogue with the goal of deciding rather than winning or defending. It is not advisable to involve third parties in the dispute, as they can become a catalyst for the conflict to flare up even more.

Divorce often becomes one of the ways to resolve the conflict. Psychologists distinguish three stages:

1. The first stage occurs at the level of an emotional divorce, when partners simply cease to appreciate, respect, love each other, reach out.
2. The second stage is marked by a physical divorce, when partners begin to sleep in different beds and even live separately.
3. The third stage is the legal divorce.

Often, divorce really becomes a way to resolve conflicts that simply cannot be eliminated in a particular family due to the incompatibility of partners.

Ways to resolve conflicts in the family as a result

What will be the atmosphere in the family depends on the behavior and communication of partners. Only with the efforts of both is a happy joint future possible. Partners must adhere to some rules to resolve conflicts in the end:

1. Accept each other for who they are.
2. Realistically look at the existing differences and do not harbor hopes that they will pass by themselves.
3. Get to know your partner and accept his features, uniqueness.
4. Try to overcome difficulties, not increase them, in order to get even closer.
5. Know how to forgive and forget insults.
6. Learn not to impose your opinion, but to negotiate. Argument your point of view if you consider it important, but accept that the other side wants something else.

Every family has conflicts. Often there comes a time when the spouses want to get a divorce. But the family becomes strong and happy in which the spouses decide to accept each other, not to infringe on freedom and rights, and also to resolve problems more constructively.

Unfortunately, conflicts in families today are a very relevant topic. But the family for many people is the most valuable thing they have, which means that you need to do your best to save it and make the relationship as strong as possible. For this reason, we decided to devote today's article to typical family conflicts and ways to resolve them.

Typical family conflicts

So, from time to time, in almost every family, problem situations arise due to conflicting interests, motives and needs. These situations are, in fact, conflict.

Family conflicts can be different, i.e. those where spouses, children, parents and children, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives can act as opposing parties. However, conflicts between spouses and conflicts between parents and children are considered the most common - it is these that can be called typical family conflicts. Let's take a closer look at each of them.

Family conflicts: conflicts between spouses - causes and resolution

In most cases, conflicts between spouses arise because their needs are not met. The main reasons for such conflicts are:

• Incompatibility of spouses in psychosexual terms
• Unsatisfied need for confirmation of personal worth and disrespect of one partner for the self-esteem of the other
• Unsatisfied need for positive emotions due to lack of attention, understanding, care
• The tendency of one of the partners to satisfy only their own needs
• An unsatisfied need for mutual understanding and mutual assistance when it comes to issues such as parenting, raising children, housekeeping, etc.
• Different desires in spending free time and differences in hobbies and hobbies

In addition, there are special factors that affect marital relations - these are periods of crisis. It is believed that there are only four such periods.

The first period is the first year of family life together. This includes the adaptation of people to each other and the so-called evolution of feelings, when two individuals become one.

The second period is the period of the appearance of children. At this stage, there is a deterioration in the possibility of career and professional growth of spouses, a reduction in opportunities for independent self-realization that is not related to professional activities, a state of chronic fatigue of the wife due to caring for a child and can lead to a temporary decrease in libido, as well as a clash of views of spouses on the process of raising children.

The third period is the period of middle marital age, during which there are mainly conflicts of monotony, because. the constant presence of spouses with each other and receiving the same impressions affects the glut of people with each other.

The fourth period is the final period, which occurs in most cases after 20-25 years of marriage. Its causes are the feeling of loneliness, which is associated with the fact that children leave their father's house, as well as the approach of old age.

External factors, such as the constant employment of a husband or wife, families, the inability to acquire housing, send children to kindergarten or school, etc., can also have a huge impact on the emergence of conflicts between spouses. There are also social reasons, for example, a change in moral values, new views on the place of a woman in the family, economic crises, and so on, but this, of course, is already secondary.

The resolution of conflicts between spouses depends on what concessions they are ready to make for each other, what they are ready to understand and forgive (forgive me for the meme). And one of the main conditions, if the spouses really want to resolve the conflict, is the refusal to win in a conflict situation.

You need to understand that victory, if it is achieved due to the defeat of a close and dear person, is no longer a victory. No matter what the fault lies with a loved one, you must always respect him. Therefore, first of all, you need to ask yourself what is the reason for the specific behavior of the “second half” and what worries you the most. In addition, one common mistake should be avoided - to devote others to your problems: acquaintances, friends, neighbors and even relatives. In no case should you do this, because. the well-being of the family is in the hands of the spouses themselves - this is true.

Separate attention is also worthy of the most radical way to resolve conflicts between spouses - divorce. According to family psychologists, it may be preceded by three stages:

• Emotional - alienation of partners from each other, indifference, loss of love and trust
• Physical - living separately from each other
• Legal - documentary dissolution of marriage

Despite the fact that in many situations, divorce can save people from hostility, dishonesty, negative emotions and other things that overshadowed life, it can also have the opposite consequences - destructive. These are neuropsychiatric disorders, depressive states, childhood psychological trauma, chronic dissatisfaction with life, disappointment in the opposite sex, etc. Therefore, there must be the most serious grounds for divorce, and the spouses themselves must be sure that this is the right step that will only benefit.

Family conflicts: conflicts between parents and children - causes and resolution

Conflicts between parents and children are another type of typical family conflicts that occur no less than conflicts between spouses. The main reasons for such conflicts are:

• The nature of relationships within the family. Relationships can be harmonious or disharmonious. In a harmonious family, a balance is maintained between the psychological roles of all family members, and a family “We” is formed. In disharmonious families, conflicts between spouses, mental stress, neurotic disorders and chronic anxiety in children are observed.
• Destructive family upbringing. It is characterized by disagreements between spouses on issues of upbringing, inadequacy, inconsistency and inconsistency of the upbringing process, prohibitions on any areas of children's life and increased demands on children, as well as condemnations, censures, punishments, threats.
• children. They are defined as transitional stages from one stage of child education to another. Here, on the part of children, irritability, capriciousness, stubbornness, disobedience, conflict with others, for the most part, with parents, can be noted. In total, several age crises are distinguished: up to 1 year, 3 years, 6-7 years, 12-14 years and 15-17 years.
• Personal factor. This includes both parents and children. Speaking of parents, one can name conservative and stereotyped thinking,. If we talk about children, then we can distinguish low academic performance, behavioral disorders, inattention to the words of parents, selfishness, self-confidence, arrogance.

We can safely say that conflicts between parents and children are the result of the wrong behavior of both. Accordingly, such conflicts can be resolved in the following ways.

Firstly, it is necessary to improve the pedagogical culture of parents, which will allow taking into account the psychological characteristics and psycho-emotional states of children, due to age.

Secondly, families should be organized on collective ideas. It is necessary to find and define common development prospects, family responsibilities, family traditions, hobbies and passions.

Thirdly, verbal demands must certainly be supported by actions and educational measures, so that parents are always an authority and an example to be emulated.

Fourthly, it is required in every possible way to show interest in the inner world of children, to take part in their hobbies, concerns and problems, and also to cultivate the spiritual principle.

We can summarize what we have said as follows.

So that there are no conflicts in the family, you need to respect not only yourself, but also loved ones, not accumulate resentment and let as little negativity into your life as possible. Comments should be made gently and tactfully, and emerging problems should be solved together (children, if they do not concern them, should not be devoted to them).

Treat yourself and family members appropriately. Remember that you may not always be right. Strive for trust and mutual understanding, be attentive and responsive. Look for common ground, spend leisure time and relax together, engage in family creativity and, most importantly, do not let the pressure of gray everyday life paint over the most important thing in your life - love and good relationships with loved ones.

Advice and love, as they say!

Understanding the causes of family quarrels and conflicts, and having considered their typology, we will consider ways to resolve conflicts. First of all, in order to successfully resolve the disagreements that arise, you need to have the desire to solve them. This is where you need to start. Sometimes marital conflicts are not resolved simply because of the unwillingness to do anything. In order to be willing to resolve family disputes, it is necessary to take responsibility for both the well-being and problems in the family. Understanding the fact that both parties are to blame for any conflict, the desire to first of all see and take one’s own fault, and not blame the other, is an important factor that contributes to intra-family conflicts being constructive, not destructive.

The mood of the spouses to solve problems, search for peace and harmony will help achieve what you want. The initial attitude plays a big role. Since, if desired, almost any intra-family situation can become a conflict, an important factor in resolving most conflicts is the behavior of the spouses during the conflict. So, if the partners easily react to any emerging contradiction, fixate on it, try to explain or prove their case to the other, then the conflict is obvious. But if unpleasant situations are discussed calmly and kindly, the spouses do not try to find which of them is right and who is wrong, each of them seeks to reconcile, and does not wait for the other to do it - the frequency and severity of conflicts decreases.

Unfortunately, many couples perceive the discussion of any family problems not as a search for a solution that is best for both, but as a duel, a battle in which it is important to prove one's case at any cost. When family communication turns into rivalry, it becomes not a road to rapprochement, not a source of joy, but a way to "score" in a ridiculous competition with each other, which often ends in divorce. So half the success in overcoming stress depends on a positive attitude.

When choosing a strategy for resolving a conflict, it is important to choose the means to resolve it. In the event of a conflict, the spouses, as a rule, look for means by which it would be possible to eliminate it. However, often the chosen means lead to the fact that conflicts either intensify (up to the breakup of families) or persist for a long time, making the marriage unstable. But if the conflicts have disappeared, then the spouses have the right to believe that they have found the right means of family interaction.

The means used by the spouses in the interaction can be considered as moral or immoral. Immoral are the means that degrade human dignity, divide and separate people, weaken their family ties and lead to conflicts and divorces. Therefore, when spouses resort to mutual reproaches and accusations, they drive themselves into a corner. The use of specific advantages to exert pressure (economic, sexual, etc.) also leads to an increase in the gap between spouses. Sometimes, wanting to encourage the second party to solve the problem, the first party threatens to leave the parents or divorce. It also does not contribute to a better solution to the situation, so you can even push your family to break up. Therefore, when choosing means of communication in order to correct the behavior of a spouse, it is necessary to observe the measure. It is not difficult to feel this measure in the choice of means by whether the conflict is intensifying, relations between spouses are deteriorating, or the conflict has begun to smooth out.

Consciously and unconsciously, people try to solve their problems in different ways. For some, this is quite successful, while for others it is quite the opposite. The behavior of the participants in the conflict is very diverse. J. G. Scott identifies the following strategies, which differ in the degree of effectiveness of conflict resolution:

• 1. Dominance, characteristic of those who show authoritarianism in the family, suppressing the desires, interests and feelings of another. Orientation only to their own interests. Such a strategy is acceptable only in the most critical situations, when urgent steps need to be taken to save lives or something similar (for example, during a fire, when a family needs to be evacuated from the premises).
• 2. Withdrawal or avoidance is characterized by the abandonment of one's interests and unwillingness to meet one's partner halfway. By avoiding solving problems, people only make things worse, as unresolved problems return and accumulate. The problems that we ignore will still return to us, but in the most adverse circumstances. This method can be considered successful in moments of emotional stress, and then for a while, and then you need to return to resolving the conflict.
• 3. Compliance, as a renunciation of one's interests and a willingness to meet a partner halfway. Sometimes this way of solution will be acceptable: for the sake of achieving peace, give up your claims. But when any conflict is resolved in this way, it leads to chronic frustration of one of the partners, the asymmetry of relations, an imbalance in the distribution of rights, responsibilities, power, to a decrease in the stability and stability of the functioning of the family.
• 4. Compromise between the parties to the conflict is a fairly good way to achieve a solution to the problem. It is characterized by the desire of both to find mutual understanding through mutual concessions.
• 5. Cooperation, similar to a compromise, but is characterized by the search for a solution that best meets the interests of both partners. Cooperation contributes to the personal growth of participants in conflicts, increases the overall level of their communicative competence, opening up a fundamentally new way of interacting in a conflict situation. As a result of resolving the conflict in this way, the relationship between the spouses becomes even closer and warmer.

There is the so-called "family council" model proposed by T. Gordon as an effective model for resolving conflicts. The central idea of ​​the “family council” model is the thesis that in a conflict situation, whatever it may be, whatever reasons it may be initiated, there should be no “winners” and “losers”. Finding out the causes of the conflict, identifying its culprit and initiator will not help solve the problem, but will only aggravate it. A constructive approach consists in finding a solution to the problem based on the principle of equality of all participants in the conflict, regardless of age and role position in the family. This model represents six main stages of problem solving:

• 1. Identification and definition of the conflict as a consequence of the inconsistency of the motives and interests of family members (verbalization and awareness of the essence of the conflict in the process of discussing the problem with the whole family).
• 2. Generation and registration of all possible alternatives for resolving the problem, regardless of how they suit the participants in the conflict. At this stage, the rule of non-judgmental acceptance and a ban on criticism of any, even the most incredible decisions, applies.
• 3. Discussion and evaluation of each of the alternatives proposed at the previous stage. Rule: the alternative is not accepted if at least one of the participants does not agree. To optimize the decision-making process, in particular, the technique of “I”-statements is used, which allows one participant in the conflict to more clearly state their position, avoiding reproaches, accusations and condemnation from the rest. If during the group discussion of the entire arsenal of proposals put forward, none of them is accepted, then the discussion continues until a solution is found that suits everyone.
• 4. Choosing the best solution for the problem acceptable to all family members.
• 5. Development of ways to implement the solution, drawing up a specific plan for its implementation, including the responsibilities and obligations of each of the participants, their actions, conditions for implementation to the nearest detail.
• 6. Determination of criteria for evaluating the result of a family contract, forms and methods of control and evaluation.

The need for full communication as a way to solve the problem is noted by many experts in the field of family relations. This is the only way to solve family troubles. There is only one way to solve family problems, conflict situations, get rid of resentment - this is the communication of spouses, the ability to talk to each other and hear each other. Behind a protracted, unresolved conflict, quarrel, as a rule, lies the inability to communicate.

The American psychologist J. Gottman, who specifically studied the process of family communication, revealed interesting patterns of communication between spouses in conflict families. First of all, these families are characterized by excessive stiffness of communication. Their members seem to be afraid to say their word, to express their experiences, feelings. Conflict families turned out to be more “silent” than non-conflict ones, in them spouses exchange new information less often, avoid unnecessary conversations, obviously afraid that a quarrel would inadvertently break out. In conflict families, spouses practically do not say “we”, they prefer to say only “I”. And this indicates the isolation of the spouses, the emotional disunity. Conflict families are families in which communication takes place in the form of a monologue. All this is reminiscent of the conversation of the deaf: everyone says his own, the most important, painful, but no one hears him, because the same monologue sounds in response. Teaching good communication skills should be the main task in overcoming conflicts.

It is worth paying attention to the conditions for successful interpersonal communication of spouses:

• 1. Openness, i.e. the absence of something that the spouses, for some reason of principle, withhold from each other.
• 2. Confirmation of each other's self-assessments during communication, i.e. interpersonal communication in the family should contribute to the formation of a more positive self-image in each of the partners.
• 3. Active exchange of views, ie. constant intense discussion with each other about what each thinks and feels.
• 4. Situational adequacy. This means that marital communication should take many different forms, but how exactly the spouses will communicate at the moment should be determined by the specific situation.

Psychologists offer the following rules for family communication:

• 1. Give in to each other.
• 2. Do not impose your views and judgments.
• 3. Respect each other.
• 4. Do not humiliate, do not insult each other, strive to see the good in each other first of all.
• 5. Manage your behavior, consider each other's mood.
• 6. Self-critically evaluate your actions and deeds.

Analyzing the causes and varieties of conflicts, one can see one general trend. Lack of communication, focus only on one's own needs, lack of tenderness and general illiteracy in family matters create a general conflict tension. In such an atmosphere, the family is in dire need of serious help. To resolve conflict situations, spouses need to learn to put the interests of their partner first. Respect, confidence in love on the part of both, the manifestation of calmness and tact will help in finding an acceptable solution. Spouses must constantly learn to fully communicate.

In a prosperous family there is always a sense of today's and tomorrow's joy. In order to keep it, spouses need to leave a bad mood and troubles outside the house, and when they come home, bring with them an atmosphere of optimism and elation. If one of the spouses is in a bad mood, the other should help him get rid of the oppressed mental state. In every disturbing and sad situation, you need to try to catch the humorous notes by looking at yourself from the side. Humor and jokes should be cultivated in the house. If troubles pile up, you don’t need to be scared, on the contrary, you need to try to consistently understand their causes.

To avoid many mistakes allows the observance of the basic principles of joint married life:

• 1. Realistically look at the contradictions that arise before and after marriage.
• 2. Do not build illusions, so as not to be disappointed. Life is unlikely to meet the norms and criteria that were planned in advance.
• 3. Don't avoid difficulties. Overcoming difficult situations together is a great opportunity to find out how ready both partners are to live according to the principle of bilateral compromise.
• 4. Learn the psychology of a partner. You need to be able to understand each other, adapt and be able to please each other in order to live in peace and harmony.
• 5. Know the value of small things. Small but frequent tokens of attention are more valuable and significant than expensive rare gifts, which sometimes hide indifference, infidelity, etc.
• 6. Be tolerant, be able to forget grievances. A person is ashamed of some of his mistakes and does not like to remember them. It should not be remembered that once violated the relationship and that should have been forgotten long ago.
• 7. Be able to understand and anticipate the desires and needs of a partner.
• 8. Do not impose your requirements, protect the dignity of a partner.
• 9. Understand the benefits of temporary separation. Partners can get bored with each other, and separation allows you to understand how much you love your soulmate, how much you miss her at the moment.
• 10. Look after yourself. Carelessness and carelessness give rise to hostility and can lead to serious consequences.
• 11. Have a sense of proportion. First of all, emphasize the merits of the partner, and then gently and in a friendly manner point out the shortcomings.
• 12. Be able to calmly and kindly perceive criticism.
• 13. Be aware of the causes and consequences of infidelity.
• 14. Do not fall into despair. Faced with a stressful situation in married life, it would be wrong to proudly disperse and not look for a way out.