Six books about the divorce of parents - for children and adults. These-Children: developmental psychology, development and parenting A story about divorce through the eyes of a child

In psychotherapy there is a method of treatment with the help of literature - bibliotherapy. Like many concepts from psychology, over time, bibliotherapy has penetrated into everyday life. She changed her name to a simpler one - book therapy - and lost touch with real psychotherapeutic practices. Book therapy is now a way to cheer yourself up. For example, reading "Baby Nicolas" by Rene Gossini in a depressive period. This is a parent's assistant in a difficult conversation with a child. For example, about death - as in Amelie Fried's book "Is grandfather in a suit?". This is, in general, any case when the book supports the reader and helps him.

I don’t want to write a phrase that the divorce of parents or your own divorce is a difficult situation. Because it's clear to everyone. My parents divorced when I was in my first year. Before that, they lived in different cities for four years. And still I had the feeling that someone took out the intestines from me and jumped on them. And when my mother had a new man, although I was already a dofiga adult, I experienced the strongest childish jealousy. At first, I behaved like teenagers from TV shows - defiantly silent, slamming doors. I experienced rage alternately with my father, then with my mother. Horror.

I can not say that the books have accelerated or facilitated the process of adaptation. But they were close. When I saw that book teenagers behave in exactly the same way, I, firstly, understood that this was normal, and secondly, I looked at myself from the side and realized how stupid I looked. I wasn't even 12 anymore.

I wrote a list of six books that deal with divorce. They can be read to children (and adults) whose parents have decided to divorce, as well as to moms and dads who have decided to divorce themselves. And you can also read just like that, not for therapy, but for pleasure.

For the little ones

Ed Frank - Princess Anna

A book with large beautiful illustrations that can be read by very young children and younger students. Princess Anna's parents decided to disperse, they divided the country and the palace in half and are now engaged in the division of Anna. The divorce did not go amicably - the king and queen spy on each other, get angry and swear, trying to drag the child to their side. Anna in this situation has the hardest time of all - because she loves both parents equally.

In the end, parents find an opportunity to coexist peacefully. Anna lives alternately with the king, then with the queen - in each palace Anna has her own room. This situation is more familiar to Western readers; joint custody is not common in Russia. We have a more familiar scheme of Sunday parenthood. Nevertheless, this detail does not make the book less universal.

Ute Krause - Princesses and Robbers

The new CompassGuide is also suitable for preschoolers and older children. She talks about the situation when divorced parents have new families. Of course, for children, such changes can be very difficult. But the illustrations, done with great humor, as well as a happy ending, remove any gloom from the book.

In both books, divorce did not arise from scratch - long before him, parents began to quarrel often and even throw objects.

Both books are suitable for toddlers, but not designed for independent reading - the font is quite small. This is done intentionally, books on this topic must be read with adults. And for adults, they will be no less useful than for children. Obviously, for parents, this event is also not easy. And books, on the one hand, show this, and on the other hand, remind parents that it is in their power to significantly reduce the destructive effects of divorce. And the main thing to do here is to make peace with your ex-partner, not to hold a grudge and not be jealous of your own child.

No matter how hard it is for parents, it is always harder for children, because the whole world of a child lies in his family. Books explain to readers that what is happening in their family is not a new situation for this world, and even quite familiar. The very realization of this fact can be psychotherapeutic.

What else is good - a happy ending, but not a fabulous one - the parents do not converge back. Every child will dream of everything becoming as before, but it will not be like before. But this does not mean that there will be no happiness in the future.

For those who are older

Ulf Stark - Let the polar bears dance

Young children may not understand all the difficult situations that come with divorce. But for older children, the reason for the parents' divorce may be obvious, and this makes the process even more difficult. So, in the book “Let the polar bears dance,” the hero’s mother leaves his father for another man. And Lasse is the first to find out about her mother's secret affair, accidentally bumping into her and her boyfriend in the store. It later turns out that his mom is expecting a baby, and of course the whole thing comes as a big blow to Lasse's father.

Young children cannot choose which parent they want to live with. But Lasse is already an adult, and he has to make this difficult choice entirely on his own. He decides to live with his mother's new family because he doesn't want to be around his heartbroken father.

This book, like many preteen books, is still closer to fairy tale than reality, but it doesn't lie about the emotions that both children and parents experience. Children are jealous of their parents for their new partners. Emotions prevent them from objectively assessing reality and building healthy relationships with a new family. They look for flaws in people, sometimes imaginary, and concentrate their attention on them.

“He always offered tea. I can't stand it."

The situation is complicated by the fact that the mother's new husband has a daughter, Lollo. And she is also unhappy with the changes in her life. Moreover, she begins to be jealous of her father for Lasse, because he spends too much time with the boy - he pulls him up in school subjects. This results in an ugly scene, after which, surprisingly, it gets better.

“Haven't you finished yet? she asked as if we'd been sitting at the textbook all night long.

Hello, - Torstenson muttered, not taking his eyes off the book.

It's nice to feel that you're welcome," Lollo quipped.

What did you say? asked Torstenson.

She sat down at the piano against the opposite wall and began to strum. She did it great! She fiddled with black and white keys<…>and at the same time desperately pressed the pedals. I didn't hear Thorstenson's questions anymore."

At the end of the book, adults realize that what is happening is their fault, and begin to pay more attention to their children. And Lasse makes another courageous choice.

Ulf Stark has a penchant for showing girls through a boyish lens. He does not bother to describe the minor heroines in detail; their family, their interests, and often even their appearance (unlike the boy heroes) remains a mystery to us. The heroines play the role of "companions" - these are small Beautiful Ladies, whose role is to illuminate the world of the knight. There is another view of girls (and it is not yet known which is better) - that they are eccentric and unpredictable creatures. An example here is Lasse's half-sister Lolo. In this case, many episodes, often humorous, are connected in one way or another with the sexuality of the heroine. And girls don't necessarily find this humor funny. I just warned.

Katherine Paterson - Park Journey

This book describes a situation that most children whose parents are divorcing will think “I have nothing yet.” Eleven-year-old Park's father died in Vietnam. And this, perhaps, is all that the boy knows about him, because his mother flatly refuses to talk about his father. She doesn't seem to have recovered from her loss.

“There were days, most days, when she (mother) was nice and fun. But behind all her jokes, that same coldness, darkness, the bottomless heart of darkness was felt.

But Park doesn't want to and can't stop thinking about dad. And although the mother is still not ready to discuss this topic herself, she sends the boy for two weeks to his father's relatives. And there Park finds out that his parents were divorced when his father died:

You didn't know that she and Park got divorced?

The boy's throat caught. He couldn't answer even if his life depended on it. Divorced? Such a thought had never crossed his mind. When? Why? Why didn't she tell him? Doesn't he have a right to know such things?

And at the first moment the boy decides that his father divorced not only his mother, but also him. But his father's brother Frank reassures him, saying: You not divorced. Your parents are divorced." Later, Park finds out the reason for the divorce - his father met a woman in Vietnam and they had a child. And Park's mother was never able to forgive her husband's betrayal. However, it seems to me that a young educated woman who cannot survive treason for 12 years is some kind of exaggerated image.

Be that as it may, in life there are often stories when a single parent does not want to tell the child about the departed father or mother. This can be explained by jealousy or trauma. But the book "Wanderings of the Park" is good because it shows that a child has the right to know his parent, even if he was not a saint. And it is better for him to learn about the bad sides of his father or mother from a parent than from a barely familiar person. So this book, like the previous ones, is addressed to adults too. The best way to look at yourself from the outside is to see the situation through the eyes of a child.

Siobhan Parkinson - Sisters? no way!

The action of the book takes place in Ireland, where until recently not only abortions were banned, but also divorces (divorces have already been allowed, it's up to abortions). But Ashley and Alva's father still managed to somehow legally divorce the girls' mother. Ashley, the main character in the first half of the book, is not very upset by this fact. Moreover, four years have passed since the event. But it was immediately easier for her, because, firstly, she is older. And secondly, she was never her father's favorite daughter.

“Dad took Alva in his arms and lifted him high, high, slightly tossing him near the ceiling.<…>At that time, I was sitting at my desk in the corner, which once served as a school desk, and watched them. After some time, he must have remembered that I was somewhere nearby, and came up to me, holding a cheerfully chirping little Alva in his arms, stroking my head and saying something kind, but meaning nothing.

Ashley is generally too wise and reasonable for her fourteen years. She took on several adult roles to help her mother. Her younger sister Alva, on the contrary, is infantile. And she is very hard going through the distance of her father. After every meeting and every call, she cries for a long time in bed.

“When we were smaller, we went to my father every weekend, then once a month, and now we see each other no more than two or three times a year. He loves to brag about us and take us with him to show his friends.
- You know, these are my daughters from my first marriage!
I don't like being a child from my father's past life. I sometimes feel that he sees us only because it is necessary, since we are his children.

In the center of the book is the new relationship of the girls' mother. The situation itself is not easy, but the laws of Ireland make it even more difficult. Ashley and Alva's father is unhappy that his ex-wife has found herself another. He threatens to take away the girls, and he has every chance to win this trial. Meanwhile, Ashley and Alva deal with life changes in different ways. Ashley tries to side with her mother, although she is jealous and annoyed. Alva, on the other hand, throws tantrums, which boil down to one selfish thought - a mother should not violate the comfort of her daughters:

“But you're not trying to do the best for all of us. You just do what you want."

There is no perfect ending in the book, but all the characters take a step towards accepting the new situation. The idea that moms and dads also have the right to privacy and personal happiness comes first and overshadows resentment and jealousy. And this is a natural process.

There are dubious points in this book too, which I want to warn about in advance. Everyone calls Bob, Ashley's boyfriend, a great guy. However, he breaks up with Ashley due to her sharing her feelings about her mother's affair with him.

“I tried to explain my condition to Bob, but this time he was angry and upset, and I probably deserved such an attitude. He said that I was using it to relieve my emotional problems, and I had nothing to say to that. He said it right, it's true."

Supporting a partner in a difficult situation is an absolutely necessary part of a relationship. And when Bob got bad grades in his exams, Ashley was by his side. But Bob was not ready to turn his shoulder to his girlfriend. And for some reason, none of the heroes took it as a weakness.

Bob later starts a relationship with another heroine in the book. And they start in a very strange way. After a fleeting acquaintance, the girl was going to get on the bus, took out money from her bag:

“Suddenly Robbie, the younger of the two guys, the one I liked more, grabbed my shoulders hard. It flashed through my head that they were ordinary thieves, the kind that rip off bags on the streets.
I instinctively clutched the bag to me and was already opening my mouth to scream, but then Robbie kissed me, not letting me come to my senses.

To suddenly grab a girl and kiss her is not romantic behavior, but harassment. It's a pity that this idea is not reflected in the book, and Bob is shown as a guy who is worth dating.

Anastasia Maleyko - My mother loves the artist

Maleiko's book is not about divorce, but about a mother's quarrel with her new man. The divorce of Lina's parents happened a long time ago, and the girl does not have hard feelings about this, largely because her dad continues to communicate with her. Lina sees that as a result of the divorce, everyone only benefited, including herself:

“Still, it’s good that my parents divorced. Now I have two families, but there was only one.”

Over time, I also came to understand that my mother is much better in a new relationship, so this moment is close to me.

“I came out with a package warm from pancakes. The yard is covered in leaves and beer bottles. I walk and feel with my back how my father froze in the window with his Evgenia. Still, it's good that they found each other. Now, probably, Griboyedov or Joyce will start talking again. They will throw quotes at each other and drink tea with raspberries. Maybe that's what happiness is."

As the name implies, Lina's mother falls in love with an artist, and Lina is faced with the usual feelings in this case - jealousy, distrust, fear of global changes in life. But they pass, somehow even too easily for a teenager. The girl sees her mother's new partner for who he is - and not through the crooked glass of jealousy. He admits that he is handsome, funny and, in general, normal.

Linul, she (grandmother) says plaintively.

Well, you could tell at least like a mother. How are they there, with the artist, huh?

Yes, it seems normal, - I say, and for some reason I sigh too.

Fine. Everything is always fine with you. What kind of person is he, do you know?

Normal. - Grandmother looks at me like a fan at a goalkeeper - with hope and faith.

Well, good man, bab. Do not worry.

At the time of the quarrel between the mother and the artist, Lina takes on the role of a ferryman from Alla Pugacheva's song and unites loving hearts.

The book states rather strange views on the role of women in romantic relationships. So, one of the heroines, the talented pianist Kira, promised a long time ago to quit her career if her lover survived. He survived and married her best friend, while the pianist Kira did not abandon her vow and became a music teacher.

“I once asked my mother: did Kira never regret that she had abandoned her career as a pianist then? Mom said, of course not. And that everyone on earth has a choice, and that this is not a sacrifice, but ordinary love. And that love is more important than music.

"Twilight" rest.

Or here is what Kira thinks about what professions are suitable for women:

“In general, business is not a woman's business,” Kira adds. "It's better to be a math teacher."

In general, the book comes across places that will appeal to the champions of traditional values. Children, on the other hand, should read them with a critical eye, so as not to be fascinated by their unsympathetic and categorical ideas following sympathetic heroes.

These books tell different stories. But they are all about one thing: divorce is not the end of the world. This is a perfectly normal practice that ultimately makes people happier. And although this is a difficult experience, it does not necessarily result in injury. And in cases where one of the parents is an abuser, he will also save you from injury.

If you try to characterize this event in one word, then this word is STRESS, both for adults and for younger family members. It is especially difficult for kids to explain why the two most beloved people can no longer be together. Despite all the efforts made, they are extremely hard on the separation of their mother and father and continue to believe that they will begin to live together again.

The end of life or the beginning of a new one?

Adults sometimes tend to underestimate the significance of their divorce for a child who feels like the world is falling apart. In his own way, he is right: after all, for children (especially small ones), the world is still limited to their family, the cohesion of which gives confidence and allows you to maintain peace of mind.

The separation of parents for most children is the deepest shock. The first weeks are especially painful. Many kids start having problems with health, learning, relationships with friends, apathy or aggressiveness appears in their behavior.

Before talking with the child, parents should discuss their behavior, try to minimize the changes taking place in the life of a small person.

With the right choice of tactics, divorce can turn into a constructive decision and become a new stage in the life of all family members. Sometimes children feel relief from the knowledge that finally quarrels and scandals will stop. After all, the natural sensitivity of babies makes them completely unprotected from the tense atmosphere that reigns around.

Stages of stress

The reaction of the child to the ongoing changes is completely individual and sometimes unpredictable. Psychologists conditionally distinguish three stages in it:

rejection stage- is characteristic of any event that causes negative emotions. For about 3-6 days, the baby may not react at all, simply not believing in what is happening. During this period, he tries to internally analyze the situation, and his subconscious in every way tries to protect the little man from a powerful blow.
Gradual acceptance stage- at this time, the behavior of the child is completely ambiguous: some children cry, others show obvious aggression, others take the side of one of the parents and try to benefit from what is happening.
The mourning stage is the longest. Sometimes it drags on for years. At this time, the child's psyche is trying to overcome stress, as a result, children often lose interest in communicating with peers, games, and previous activities.

Age differences in the manifestation of the gamut of feelings

Understanding the situation of divorce and the reaction to it is largely determined by the age of the child.

Of course, a two-month-old baby does not understand the essence of what is happening, but due to emotional dependence on the mother, he perfectly feels the tension and is in a restless state.

At one and a half to three years, a stressful situation provokes the appearance of various fears and can lead to developmental delays.

Separation from the father has a very negative effect on girls under the age of five.

3-6 years old - children understand the danger of what is happening, want to change the situation and begin to complex and suffer from the consciousness of the impossibility of doing this. Often they become extremely insecure and anxious, prone to self-abasement, feel an inner sense of guilt, resentment or anger. The reaction of boys from five to seven years of age is especially painful and emotional. For the normal course of the psychological development of children under 6 years of age, a sense of stability is necessary, since it is during this period that the formation of a system of values, ideas about the world, the laying of stereotypes of relations with others takes place. The situation is complicated by the fact that it is very difficult for single mothers to get a good job, and the family is faced with material and moral problems.

At primary school age, attempts begin to find the perpetrators, in the role of which one of the parents, relatives or the baby himself acts. The absence of a father or mother leads to a feeling of abandonment, strong resentment and shame in front of the school team for having family problems. The result is stress, which provokes psychosomatic disorders.

Only in adolescence can children adequately represent the reasons for the separation of their parents, its consequences, and the peculiarities of their relationship with the departed father (mother).

Regardless of the age of the child, the destruction of the family causes deep psychological trauma, which over the years can develop into pathologies or deviations.

Possible reactions of the child

Divorcing adults should be prepared for the fact that the child will show different emotions, a lot of new things will appear in his behavior, and his physical condition may noticeably worsen. Children experience a range of conflicting, sometimes even positive, feelings:

anger at parents who, out of selfish motives, deprived them of stability: in most cases, resentment concerns the mother;
sadness due to the breakup of the family, regret or shame in front of friends with whom children tend to compare themselves;
joy and relief from resolving the conflict that has recently been happening in the family;
crying, hysterical states - oddly enough, these phenomena do not always indicate a serious condition of the child, since a vivid expression of feelings contributes to more rapid calm;
fear of the future due to instability and uncertainty.

Is the baby to blame?

Children very often feel guilty for the destruction of the family. This feature is due to the egocentric thinking of kids. In their view, they are the center of the world, around which the rest of the universe revolves.

The younger the child, the more likely he is to blame himself for the problems.

In preschool and school age, the prevailing thought is the existence of a connection between his misbehavior and the separation of his parents. The position of adults in this matter should be unequivocal: to convince the little person that he is not to blame for what is happening and that his parents will always love him very much, regardless of the fact that they no longer live in the same house.

How to behave as an adult?

Rule One

Get together. Regardless of his condition, the degree of nervous tension, the feelings experienced, the baby should not feel emotional abandonment, because in this case he will lose not one, but two parents. You can not break out on children or remain indifferent to them. If you are unable to cope with yourself, you need to seek professional help.

Rule Two

Talk to the child. In a language understandable to the baby, taking into account the age and emotional stability of the baby, he needs to be informed about imminent changes. It is best that both parents participate in the conversation. Before talking, you can consult a psychologist or talk to divorced couples with similar experiences. It is important to achieve an emotionally stable state before starting to communicate on this sensitive topic. No need to make excuses to the baby or try to find support from him. On the contrary, you should be ready to provide protection to the child if his reaction is too violent.

Rule Three

No need to turn children into personal psychotherapists. Women who have lost the support of their husbands often try to create an overly trusting relationship with a child, making him a kind of “vest”. However, a small person cannot understand these experiences, moreover, he himself is very upset because of the situation. It is possible to talk about such topics with older children, but without negativity towards the absent parent and without trying to shift the problems onto them.

Rule Four

A forbidden technique is the expression of disrespectful attitude towards the former spouse and sticking labels. The best policy in the event of a divorce is peace between adults and maintaining normal relationships. The child must be sure that he can see the parent when he wants (of course, if these meetings do not harm him).

Rule Five

After a certain time after the divorce, when the baby internally accepts the situation and is able to control his feelings, you need to talk with him about the changes that have taken place and the necessary redistribution of roles and responsibilities. Often single women are forced to spend a lot of time at work. Therefore, children should begin to perform certain functions: go to the store, keep the house in order, take out the garbage, etc. The conversation about this should be conducted in such a tone that the child feels that his help is needed, and does not consider his new role as forced growing up.

Possible scenarios for changing children's behavior

Outwardly calm behavior of the baby or outbreaks of whims and aggression are often a disguise of psychological distress. Society tends to trivially explain this by the lack of a strong hand. Before a divorce, the younger members of the family are trying by all available means to prevent its destruction, after it they retain hope for the return of their former prosperity. This is reflected in their behavior.

In most cases, children choose one of the following stereotypical tactics:

Gray mouse

Such a child tries to remain in the shadows, not to irritate adults, and if possible not to contact them. At first glance, this behavior is very comfortable for adults, since children express obedience in everything. However, hidden emotions and unresolved problems eventually lead to psychological and physical problems.

Hero

Such a child carefully hides his feelings, is afraid to disturb his mother (father), stoically endures their emotional isolation and takes on many household responsibilities. Children's consciousness cannot comprehend that, for example, increased demands on cleanliness often serve as a pretext for another scandal and expression of discontent. The same applies to his performance at school: striving to get exceptionally high marks, the kid tries in this way to save the remnants of peace in the family, not realizing that the essence of the problem is not at all in this.

Sick

What else can keep parents together, if not a baby's illness? After all, if he gets sick, adults will feel guilty and try to fix everything. Before prescribing a course of treatment, competent specialists analyze family relationships. Symptoms of many diseases are a manifestation of a depressive state that develops in response to a tense situation. These include:

onychophagia (nail biting);
enuresis (bedwetting);
encopresis (fecal incontinence);
trichotilomania (or biting the ends of the hair);
various tics;
loss of appetite;
weight loss.

Up to about 10 years of age, children express inner distress mainly through illness.

Emotional coldness

Such children look detached and completely indifferent to what is happening. In fact, in this way they try to protect themselves from problems and simply "shout" their need for protection. External apathy testifies to the highest degree of well-being and disbelief in one's own strength. Many parents, for their peace of mind, believe that the baby has accepted the situation and calmed down.

Difficult child

The behavior of problem children is almost similar to the behavior of sick children. The difference lies in the way in which internal discord manifests itself. Through inadequate behavior in the children's team, at home, the baby tries to focus on his personality and force his parents to deal with conflicts related to them most of the time instead of his own scandals.

Every woman experiences the breakup of a family in her own way, sometimes experiencing the most conflicting feelings. It can be:

resentment (overt or covert) about the child's detachment at a difficult time for her;
anger at a child who continues to miss his father and love him;
shame about their position and behavior during the divorce process;
pity and suffering at the sight of the state of the baby;
the desire to compensate for the damage caused, at least by giving gifts and ensuring material well-being;
a feeling of guilt for depriving the child of a full-fledged family, even if the initiative came from the spouse or the divorce was provoked by aggression, antisocial behavior of the ex-husband;
the transfer of negative emotions to the child because of his resemblance to his father.

Unwanted behavior of a divorced woman

After a divorce, many single mothers demand sympathy and support from everyone, including the baby. Taking on the role of a victim, they fall into hysterics, depression, and begin to get sick.
“Divorced women” refuse the help offered by their ex-husband and loved ones, thereby demonstrating their independence and hiding suffering.
Women make increased material demands, make attempts to turn the "former" into a lifelong debtor.

New family

As the pain of a divorce begins to subside and life settles down into a comparatively calm direction, many children face another blow: the remarriage of a parent, which provokes a new surge of emotions.

How should relationships be built in a new family so that children quickly adapt to it? This task is quite difficult, since a second marriage means the collapse of hopes for a possible reunion of the parents. In addition, there are new children with whom you have to share the attention, the love of the mother (father).

The child must be made aware that it is not necessary to love the stepfather (stepmother), but the choice of adults must be respected and their right to have a new full-fledged family must be recognized.
Excessive care and love from a spouse can be perceived as hostile. You should talk with your new soul mate and explain that you do not need to impose your tenderness on the child. However, the complete absence of emotionality can be very painful for children (especially small ones).
The child should be able to see the absent parent as they wish.
Children should not be allowed to compare their stepmother or stepfather with their own mother or father. They must understand that these are completely different people with their own characteristics.

Help of a psychotherapist

To minimize emotional and moral suffering, very often there is a need for the help of a professional who will explain how to cope with conflicting feelings.

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The breakup of a family is a huge stress for a child. To help him go through all the difficulties, the parent with whom the child remains needs to make a lot of efforts. After all, growing up in an incomplete family is very difficult. It is especially difficult if the parents divorce occurs at the age of 3-12 years.

Psychologists have identified a number of circumstances that have a detrimental effect on the child's psyche. What exactly is oppressing the child? What does it look like divorce through the eyes of a child?

The divorce of a married couple usually follows a rather long period of quarrels and disagreements, which, even with a strong desire, are difficult to hide from children. Moreover, irritated and agitated spouses often take out their anger, discontent and irritation on children.

The child, and the boy in particular, is painfully experiencing the departure of his father, especially if he was engaged. In general, when the family breaks up, he feels abandoned, as if one of his parents abandoned him. The feeling of guilt, uselessness and imperfection, at times, gives rise to many complexes that accompany it throughout life.

When, shortly after a divorce, the father visits the child, and at the same time behaves caringly and affectionately, the reasons for the breakup of the family become even more incomprehensible to the child, and therefore more painful. The child often transfers his resentment to the mother, trying to blame her for everything.

If the behavior of the father is restrained and aloof, the child may develop a guilt complex for allegedly forcing the father to visit him against his will.

Very often, parents seek to "pull" the child each to their side. At the same time, they blame and insult each other in every possible way. The world around the child is crumbling. This is the strongest blow to the child's psyche.

If parents try to protect the child, smooth out the current situation, he can manipulate mom and dad, forcing them to atone for guilt: buy expensive toys, things, turn a blind eye to bad behavior.

Children whose parents are divorced find it difficult to communicate with their peers. Because of frequently asked questions, gossip, they often feel a sense of inferiority.

In the case when a mother alone has to raise her son, it is extremely difficult for her to instill in him purely masculine interests and qualities, to show him the correct model of his behavior in the future. And if a girl grows up without a father, her attitude towards men as she grows up is often distorted due to resentment towards her father and the negative experience of her mother.

How can you help a child if the parents still decide to divorce? Try to gently explain what is happening. If everything is decided and there is no way back, parents just need to talk with the child in advance about the upcoming changes.

If one of the parents, trying to avoid a difficult conversation with their daughter or son, simply disappears, it will be a huge psychological trauma for them.

Try to calmly and without mutual reproaches explain to your child that the decision to live separately is made by you mutually, and that it will be better for everyone. It is extremely important to make it clear that the child is not at fault for your breakup, and that you still love him very much and will never leave him.

Children whose parents are divorced often suffer from the fact that they are afraid that the other parent may also leave them. Protect your child in the first time after parting with your spouse. Try to keep a calm and positive mood, no matter how difficult it may be. Remember that your child is also very hard and he needs your support.

Try not to insist it against your ex-spouse (wife), because it is very difficult to choose between two loved ones. This is beyond the power of an adult, and not something that a child.

Try to work out a specific schedule for your child to meet with the second parent. For a little man whose habitual foundations have collapsed, in the first time after the divorce of his parents, it is important to maintain at least some constancy.

Try not to mix your responsibilities for raising a baby with a showdown with your ex-husband (wife). If a father visits a child, this is not the right time to remember past grievances. Try to maintain a friendly tone when communicating with your ex-spouse.

Remember that your child needs love and attention more than ever. Try to spend as much time with him as possible, invite his friends to the house. Support and take care of each other, and then it will be easier for both of you to survive this difficult period.