Parenting styles and their influence on him. What are parenting styles? What is an authoritarian parenting style

The family is the primary cell of education. A lot of the child's future depends on her. What style of parenting adults prefer in relation to the baby will determine his future life.

It is important to realize the appropriateness of certain requirements, punishments and rewards. You need to know the pros and cons of the styles used in upbringing. This will help build the most favorable relationship with the child.

Family - the initial stage in the development of the child

The family is the primary cell of society in which the upbringing and development of the baby begins. It is so multifaceted that it can both create a healthy personality and destroy it. The needs and desires of the child are either encouraged, or a barrier is created that interferes with self-realization.

Each family has its own interests and values, there is a unique experience of previous generations. The future character of children depends on what these indicators will be. After all, they are very sensitive to the behavior of their parents and assimilate it as normal for the whole society. Hence the problems of education.

Parents as the first educators have the greatest impact on children. Therefore, they also have an advantage over representatives of preschool institutions that also take part in the development of the child. In a healthy family, favorable contact is established between adults and children. They share the same goals and aspirations. This brings spiritual satisfaction to all its members. Such a family is not alien to the manifestation of parental love, care and respect on the part of children.

The style of upbringing in the family influences the formation of the personality of the child. Parents can influence their children with the help of reinforcement, when the formation of the right behavior depends on the encouragement of those actions of their child that seem right to them. In the second situation, everything is based on imitation. The child copies the behavior of the parents in order to become the same as them, without giving an account of whether this is right or not. And, finally, the family, in which the main mechanism of education is understanding. Here, parents respect the interests and needs of their baby, respond to his problems, thus educating a communicative and conscious personality.

How much depends on the style of family education?

The style of raising a child in a family implies the behavior and attitudes of parents towards children. There are three styles: authoritarian, democratic and liberal. Each of them has its own characteristics and consequences.

In an authoritarian upbringing, the child perceives the desire of the parents as a law for himself. However, adults are unaware that they are suppressing children in this way. They demand unquestioned obedience, while not explaining the reasons for such instructions. Strict control over the life of the child is not always carried out correctly. The result of such upbringing is isolation and disruption of communication between the child and his parents. Such children are less independent and insecure. Only a small part of them are in conflict with their parents, defending their positions.

Advice to parents

If this situation reminded you of yourself, then you should urgently take action and soften the tight control over the child. You need to stop putting pressure on the baby and give him the opportunity to express himself. Be more supportive of the desires, interests and hobbies of the child. If you do not want your baby to grow into a withdrawn, fearful and insecure person, work on the style of your upbringing.

Democratic

It is believed that the democratic style is the most favorable in the upbringing of the younger generation. Parents not only take care of discipline, but also do not interfere with the independence of children. In such a family, the child fulfills his duties, but at the same time his rights are not infringed. Parents respect the opinions of their children and therefore consult with them when necessary. There is no excessive guardianship in such families, so children listen to explanations of what can and cannot be done. In a democratic style, there are no big conflicts.

Another feature of this kind of upbringing is moderation. That is, children do not have excessive aggressiveness, they are able to become leaders, they can control others, but they themselves are practically not amenable to manipulation from the outside. They are quite sociable, easily adapt to life in society. However, there are also features that are found only in a small part of the younger generation in families with a democratic style of upbringing. These are sensitivity, the ability to put oneself in the place of another person, and altruism.

Advice to parents

Democratic style implies respect for the child's attitudes and himself. Therefore, maintain friendly relations with the baby, but do not get carried away, maintain your authority so that in the future the child can rely on you and trust you.

Liberal

The liberal parenting style is also called permissive, and, apparently, for good reason. After all, parents in such families practically do not take care of children. For them there are no prohibitions and restrictions. This is not very good, because the child may fall under the negative influence in the future and even raise a hand against the parents. Yes, and these children have practically no values.

Advice to parents

It is not very good when the child is left to himself. If you do not want him to contact a bad company in the future, be influenced from outside, change the tactics of your behavior before it is too late. Enter some rules and responsibilities that all family members must comply with. Spend more time with your child and engage with him. Don't let the child be out of control at all.

According to the results of upbringing in the family, one can single out children who are self-confident, able to control their own behavior, do not avoid new situations, and are almost always in a good mood. It is more difficult to establish contacts with peers for children who avoid communication. They are afraid of new events, trying to escape from them, and their mood can be called dull. Refusals from stressful situations can often be observed in immature children. As a rule, they have poor self-control and are insecure.

Thus, in order to raise self-sufficient, self-confident children, one must be able to correctly combine control and democracy in family education. Both of these should be optimal. At the same time, you need to accept the child and his interests as they are.

The parenting style is deposited in the psyche of the child as a norm. This happens rather unconsciously, since it begins at preschool age. When a person grows up, he reproduces this style as natural.

For parenting to be successful, you need to find something in between the styles. Identification and dependence should not be too strong, but their complete absence is unacceptable. Children's behavior is a reflection of family upbringing. Therefore, the further behavior of the child will depend precisely on the experience gained in the family.

A little about the types of education

Each family develops a certain system of education. It is based on the relationship between the child and parents. So, we can distinguish 4 types of raising children in the family: non-interference, dictate, cooperation and guardianship.

In a family with dictate the dignity and independence of the child are systematically suppressed. If such decisions are justified, then parents have the right to make certain demands on their children, but only when the situation requires it. However, if parents influence the child, humiliating his self-esteem, then they meet with a sharp protest. So, children become hypocritical, rude, often deceive, and sometimes hate their parents. If this resistance breaks, then activity, independence, and self-confidence are suppressed.

A family in which the leading type of upbringing is guardianship , protects his children from external difficulties and worries. Parents try to satisfy any needs of the baby. Children, as a rule, are not ready to face reality. It is difficult for them to establish contact with people, independence is not developed in them, they are not able to make decisions.

non-intervention is based on the independent existence of parents and children. Thus, two worlds are built, between which a line is drawn, and both sides have no right to stand up for it. In this situation, parents are passive, like educators.

Otherwise built cooperation . In such a family, there are common goals and values, it can be called a team in another way. The advantage of this type of upbringing is that the child will never grow up to be selfish.

What does one type of upbringing lead to?

By adhering to a democratic parenting style, parents can build a good relationship with their children. Children grow up independent, responsible, active, show initiative. Democratic style allows you to guide the child's behavior in a flexible and consistent way. The parent's requirements are always explained, and the child's discussion of them is only encouraged. As for power, it is also present, but only in those cases where it is most appropriate. In such families, not only the obedience of the child is valued, but also his independence. There are rules by which parents act, while listening to the opinion of the baby, but not based on it.

The rest of the parenting styles do not give very good results. Thus, the authoritarian type of relationship alienates children from their parents, makes them feel insignificant. Children feel unwanted in the family. Unreasonable demands of parents in the first case cause aggressive behavior and protest, and in the second - passivity and apathy. If children are brought up in families with a liberal type of relationship, they feel they are not needed by anyone. Such parents cannot become a role model for the child, and no one else can fill the resulting gap in education. The “I” of such children is very weak.

Despite all the negative aspects, the authoritarian method continues to live and exist in families. This is due, firstly, to the experience that is passed down from generation to generation. Such parents remember how difficult it was for them, but still build such relationships with their children. Secondly, social relations play their role. Thirdly, all the negativity experienced during the day in transport, queues, and so on, parents take out on their children. And, finally, fourthly, it is an understanding of force as a way to resolve any conflicts.

Authoritarianism in relation to the baby does not meet with any protests, but conflicts can be expected from the teenager. At the same time, parents are paying for their old mistakes. It is important to remember that it is necessary to form a personality from an early age, and not wait for a transitional age. By this time, the style of relations is already taking shape, so it is not possible to replay it.

Dependent behavior as a consequence of parenting styles

Each style of relationships in the family, no matter how positive it was, causes the formation of dependent behavior in the child. One of the forms of such a result of education is getting the child's attention due to quarrels, aggressive behavior, non-fulfillment of the will of parents. It occurs when the mother is engaged in any business, but not the baby. In another case, it is the attachment of the daughter to the father. If the latter leaves home for a long time, then this causes aggression in the baby.

The second form of addictive behavior is seeking confirmation . It is manifested in the great exactingness of parents in relation to the achievements of the child. This form is typical for families where the daughter is attached to the father or, conversely, the son to the mother. When children feel jealousy and high demands on the part of the second parent, or the absence of such factors, they exhibit dependent behavior.

Another form of addictive behavior is seeking approval . The child directs all his efforts to this. This behavior is typical for girls whom mothers consider similar to themselves, take little part in caring for them and encourage their dependence. In boys, this phenomenon is observed if he is rarely punished and suffers antics.

The fourth form of addictive behavior is "stay close" . It manifests itself in the case when the child does not know how to behave correctly if the mother treats him as less mature than he really is, and does not trust the father because of actions in the opposite direction.

And finally touching and holding others child. This behavior is manifested in the case when parents show low demands and are completely devoid of anxiety for the baby.

How children are raised today

The family influences the formation of personal qualities of a person from his very birth. Features of the upbringing of children in the family determine the further development of the child. If adults do not take part in the upbringing of the baby, they will not be able to become a role model for him. Under no circumstances should children be allowed to be dominated.

Increasingly, modern parents resort to the help of other people because of their own employment. Children who are brought up by a nanny do not receive the necessary warmth and love. It is allowed to leave the baby with relatives or with someone else for a short period. The child will benefit from a change of scenery, in addition, he will receive a new communication experience.

It is worth talking about parental responsibility in the modern family. Increasingly, there are situations when children are left to their own devices. It is also a misconception that parents believe that children receive the right education in a preschool or school. Today, parents limit their duties to checking the diary or attending school meetings.

Parents should not forget about their children. It is important to be involved in their lives, to know their interests, to meet friends and to be curious about where they spend their free time. If you are calm in presenting your demands and avoid violence, the child will definitely listen to you. The upbringing of children in a modern family should be based on mutual respect. Therefore, you need to treat your children as you would treat yourself.

Educational program on the topic

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Raising a child is the most difficult and painstaking work that requires great patience, understanding and love even when everything goes wrong. We have already covered some parenting styles in our publications, but today we will talk about all the main existing parenting styles so that you can objectively evaluate each of them.

Before I start introducing you to different parenting styles, I want to make one important point. Whatever methods you use, and whatever principles you follow, remember - these are your children, love them and be aware that all the mistakes they make are, first of all, your mistakes. Being a parent is the most responsible job of your whole life.

Every parent deals with their child, who is a unique and inimitable personality. This fact must not be forgotten, because the application of parenting methods cannot be formulaic, and what is suitable for one child may not necessarily be exactly suitable for another. Yes, the style of parenting can be the same, but in any case, it will differ in nuances and variations.

Authoritarian parenting style

This parenting style involves tight parental control over the child. As a rule, parents who adhere to an authoritarian parenting style try to impose strict rules of behavior on children, as well as impose serious restrictions, in order to completely control the child. Adherents believe that children should not allow themselves to display negative emotions, such as crying, as they see it as a sign of weakness.

Children of authoritarian parents are constantly in a state of struggle to meet the high demands and expectations of their parents all the time. This usually leads to the fact that children cease to feel parental love, affection and care, which in turn destroys the bond between parents and children.

Authoritarian parents are often unable to explain to their children the reason for imposing strict rules and restrictions. As a result, the child has problems with a sense of independence, the ability to make decisions and self-confidence.

Permissive (liberal) parenting style

This approach to parenting is characterized by non-interference in the life of the child. Liberal parents give their children almost complete freedom and almost no control on their part.

It does not provide for strict rules of behavior for children, but even if such rules exist, they are all very loose and do not even approximately resemble the restrictions that are imposed on children by authoritarian parents.

Undoubtedly, permissive parents love their children, but at the same time they are willing to accept the child's inappropriate behavior without any disciplinary action, such as tantrums or bad behavior.

With a permissive parenting style, parents tend to give their children a wide range of behaviors and actions, while doing absolutely nothing to prevent the child from making mistakes, even if it is known in advance that the child is doing wrong. But this does not mean that they do not follow the child and do not try to protect him from fatal mistakes. However, such parents believe that children should comprehend everything on their own, solely through personal experience.

Democratic parenting style

This is perhaps one of the most balanced parenting styles as it encourages children to be independent and take responsibility for their own actions.

Democratic parents teach their children to distinguish between good and bad, but at the same time leave a choice and teach the child to be responsible. These parents tend to have clear and reasonable expectations. They are able to explain why they want children to behave appropriately, monitor the behavior of their children and even them, but only in such a way that children do not feel humiliation, but only manifestations of love and care.

With a democratic style of upbringing, parents actively involve children in making intra-family decisions. Children's mistakes are calmly analyzed and sorted out together with the child so that he can evaluate them and make adjustments to his own behavior. Any misstep committed by a child is seen as an opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson, and not as an occasion for another punishment. On the other hand, the good behavior of children is always appreciated and rewarded.

Parents who adhere to a democratic style of parenting help children to reveal their abilities and, depending on this, make their own choices and correct behavior.

Neglectful parenting style

In essence, this style of parenting is a lack of parenting. Parents who neglect their children are limited only to providing for the basic needs of the child's life and do not interfere in the lives of children in any way.

Such parents simply do not take care of their children and do not pay any attention to them, not to mention discussing any problems of the child. Children grow up naughty and irresponsible, they often show signs of psychological stress.

Emotional Parenting Style

This is a peculiar, unique style of parenting, the essence of which is to focus on nurturing the feelings of the child. For example, parents who adhere to the emotional style empathize with the child, instead of analyzing his act or criticizing him.

Parents who choose an emotional parenting style are trying to bond emotionally with their child. They encourage the expression of emotions and empathize with these feelings, but do not limit their expression in any way. Such parents perceive every emotional moment in the life of children as an opportunity to communicate with the child and strengthen the emotional connection with him, they talk to the child and help him solve the problem, but they do not suggest a ready-made solution.

So far, psychologists have not identified any abnormalities in children who were brought up in families using an emotional parenting style. It is only noted that such children have much fewer behavioral problems and better cope with their emotions both in childhood and after growing up.

Conclusion

You should not take the wording "parenting style" as a term that must be adhered to steadily. It was not science that gave birth to parenting styles, parents did it, scientists only systematized the approaches used in families and gave them names.

In addition, each of the listed parenting styles is described only on the basis of the most general characteristics. In fact, parenting styles in their “pure form” are extremely rare. Typically, parents display characteristics that belong to two or more parenting styles at the same time.

Parenting styles and their impact on the child

There are 4 styles of education: democratic, authoritarian, liberal, indifferent.

Consider, first of all, two opposite types of interaction between an adult and a child: authoritarian and democratic.

As it is easy to assume from the first name, the attitude of an adult to a child is based on the opinion that the child is not independent, inactive, that various manipulations can be performed with him that will effectively affect the development of the child and lead to the desired result. The result, it is important to note, is obviously known to an adult: "an obedient, executive, convenient child." The child is treated as an objectimpact whose interests and opinions are not decisive.Authoritarian style is a pedagogy of suppression, violence and coercion . An example of a teacher implementing this style of parenting is very vividly drawn by a children's writer.Astrid Lindgren. This is the familiar Miss Bok, to whom experience suggested that affection is not the way to be used in order for children to become “silk”. Let's remember the first meeting of the Kid with his teacher: the imperturbable tone of an unfamiliar woman, her severity make the boy blush and hide behind his mother.

Let's pay attention to the boy's reaction: fear, the most common feeling that makes the child adapt to the requirements of an adult, not to be kind, responsible, accurate, but to seem like that, and therefore, to deceive. Since the Kid was brought up by his parents in affection and respect, the strict treatment of Miss Bock was perceived by him as something abnormal, with which he must fight, defending the right to a happy life, to his own opinion: “A child is also a person!”. Other consequences await the child if such an attitude of an adult seems to him the norm. Coercion and suppression will nurture deceit, anger and rejection of oneself.

Democratic parenting style

Unlike the previous style of education, this position is based on the recognition of the child's rights to independence, activity, creativity, opinions, and mistakes. The child is a full participantdialogue , listen to him, hishear . The undeniable priority of education ishappiness child, both momentary (here and now) and in the future. This style of interaction does not negate the authority of an adult, but it imposes a number of requirements on the personality of a parent, a teacher. First of all, this is a rejection of a comfortable position “on top” in favor of a position “side by side, together”. The main thing in this style of education -mutual trust . A wonderful example of the democratic style of communication between an adult and a child can be Miss Maudie from the story “To Kill a Mockingbird” by the American writer Harper Lee, who communicated with children on an equal footing:

- Look! said Miss Maudie, and with a click of her tongue she showed me how her false teeth were removed, which finally sealed our friendship.

liberal parenting style

As the name implies, this style of parenting is based on giving the child freedom, often unlimited. A child in a liberal family is pampered in every possible way, they do not refuse anything. Can a child exist without restrictions and prohibitions? As a rule, a child whose behavior is always accepted by parents, whose misdeeds are turned a blind eye, experiences significant difficulties when entering a kindergarten or school. After all, such a child did not have the opportunity to get used to the fact that there may be restrictions and rules in life. Faced with prohibitions that are unpleasant for themselves, the child will respond with disobedience.

Let us recall the well-known hero of Eduard Uspensky, Uncle Fyodor, who, faced with a mother’s ban on having a cat, “rebels”, runs away from home. Experiencing the loss of her son, the mother reproaches the father:"It's your fault. You allow him everything, and he spoiled himself. .

Indifferent parenting style

Parents who are busy, get tired, exhausted at work, sometimes "not up to the child." Everyone in the family is on their own, everyone has their own problems, everyone has their own world. Adults “do not care” how the child grows up, what worries him now. As a rule, children very keenly feel their uselessness, unimportance. The indifference of the closest people becomes the basis for the formation of a negative self-esteem of the child.

It can be concluded that the most favorable parenting style for the development of a child is the democratic style of parenting.

When we discussed the pope with a gun here, the majority of those who agreed with his methods cited the following argument as the main argument for his correctness. What to do if the child does not obey? Show who is the boss in the house or wipe the snot and kiss the child just below the back? Of course, the choice of 2 styles is obvious. Therefore, I want to give some additional information for reflection on the type of parenting styles.

In fact, there are not 2 styles, but 3 main ones. There are still different nuances and author's ideas, but let's talk about those 3.

But first, let's talk about education in general. This process is very multifaceted and one of the functions of education is the formation of healthy boundaries and functioning adaptive schemes in the child. Those. parents help form a certain shell (boundaries) and mechanisms that allow the personality to work (schemes).

The meaning of the growth and development of the personality is the expansion of boundaries, the development of their elasticity, and the creation of a wide variety of different “mechanics” inside. A parent cannot simply buy parts from a nearby store and mount them inside the child. The child does it himself, but under the guidance of the parents. In order to keep moving forward and enriching itself with experience, the child needs not only boundaries, but also freedom.

In this case, the child always tries to expand his zone and test the strength of the parent's boundaries or find out which methods and actions cause which response. Not necessarily the child does something extraordinary, sometimes he wants to at least “poke with a stick”. If I say this to mom, or do it for dad, what will happen?

This is a rather important moment in the development of a new person. Everything new attracts and beckons. He does not know how society functions and tries different approaches, what works and what does not. From these answers to questions of what is possible and impossible, his ideas about the world are formed. That. the child will constantly test the strength of the boundaries of the parents with different intensity, this is his first testing ground for testing himself in society. Then he will switch to friends and teachers. But it is at the level of parents that it is important to give him the tools to expand and develop himself without infringing on the boundaries of others.

And it is on the ratio of boundaries and freedom that the styles of education are singled out. So:

Authoritarian type or "borders without freedom". Parents believe that they always know better how much and what the child needs. If a child has difficulties or tries to poke a stick into the boundaries of the parents, then he immediately receives a negative reaction of varying degrees of severity. It doesn't matter why the child was poking with a stick. What did he want to achieve? Attention, approval, or tried to achieve some benefits. Give hands immediately so that the child never tries again.

In general, it is usually understood that the child should receive the lesson and learn it immediately. A commonly cited example is an electrical outlet being poked by a child with a nail. After receiving an electric shock, he never repeats it again. In general, in fairness it must be said that some children continue to experiment with other materials, and the child always has the opportunity to explore the nature of the current by other methods that are actually more informative. For example, turn on and off the light, etc. A parent with an authoritarian upbringing immediately shuts off the electricity in the whole house. You don't have to go all the way to physical assault, but the authoritarian parent has quite a few different ways to choose from. These are screams, accusations, insults, isolation and all sorts of other methods of aggression - emotional and hidden.

At the same time, the child is not given the opportunity to clearly understand the message of the parent, and the reason is not explained. It just needs to be so, and the child must guess why he is wrong (the parent usually thinks that the child’s wrong should be obvious to the child himself) For example, the child plays ball in the hall next to the glass coffee table, the father bursts in, takes the ball away and fights behind his ear, saying, “I'll show you! My mother and I work and work, and you just have fun and don’t appreciate anything.” From the point of view of the child, the situation is incomprehensible because the glass table occupies a very disreputable place in his world. Those. if the table suddenly does not exist, he will not feel orphaned. Those. why he was punished and what he had to do. He had no information that the table was valuable. It is also completely incomprehensible what else he should guess.

The next lesson that the child receives is that force is always right and aggression can achieve its own. You have a problem? Is someone threatening your favorite thing? You have to attack him somehow. You feel hurt and offended, let the other feel too, make him hurt or unpleasant. Therefore, after some time, dad can find his son with the ball near the table again. But the child will already use this behavior to pressure and manipulate the parent. Wouldn't you like to go to the zoo with me? Now I'll show you. I will play the ball for evil near the table. If you see that I play, you will know that you are not my authority. If I break the table, it will hurt you even more. Yes, in the end it can be more painful for the son. In the region of the sacrum. But children are not very good at planning and anticipating the sequence of events. Especially if they are overwhelmed with negative emotions (resentment towards the father).

Children do not develop the ability to solve problems adequately. The child is deprived in principle of the problem to solve. He has desires that are satisfied or not satisfied by the parent, depending on the worldview of the parent. If the daughter wants a dress, the mother decides what color, what price, and what style. You either have to wear only this, or no dress at all. From the point of view of the parent, everything is done for the child and the child lives like a prince or princess and consumes what the parents consider the best. It is clear that no one asks her daughter if she wants to be a princess. Don't like the pink dress your mom chose? Yes, you ungrateful bastard! Further, a certain amount of negativity is poured onto the child in the form of threats and insults and demands to comply with the rules. As a result, in the adult state, the child approaches solving problems in this way.

1. Mom knows how to solve the problem.
2. Take what they give, otherwise it will be worse. What you want, nobody cares about it, and you can get people for communicating your desires.
3. If you really got sick of everything, then it is quite reasonable to simply attack the offender. Depending on the level of self-confidence, this can be a secret damage to property or sabotage (all sorts of small nasty things that you can’t immediately guess who did it) to an open massacre or “ordering bandits”.
4. We need very rigid schemes and boundaries that cannot be changed. If the problem is not solved, then it is not necessary to solve it.
5. The main thing in solving the problem is to identify the perpetrators and punish them.

   Naturally, the children of aggressive parents with an authoritarian type of upbringing and children acquire the same skills of raising their own children. They consider this the only correct way to communicate. Whether such a child will succeed in life or not, it is quite difficult to say unequivocally. Many, in principle, do not adapt poorly, but quite often have problems in their personal lives. Although they come across a person with the same baggage, they communicate perfectly at the level of judgment and execution of punishment on each other. Moreover, this is done regularly in the game mode, because sanctions from one side usually cause sanctions from the other side, and so on ad infinitum. (You didn’t give me your entire salary? So I’ll give you soup without meat. Do you cook soup without meat for me? I’ll go drink vodka with friends in the garage. Do you drink vodka with friends? ….). Many believe that "everyone lives like that." Well, one of the positive aspects of avoiding this style of parenting is to let the child learn that not everyone lives like this.

   Well, of course, it is very valuable that the child is able to solve problems not only by shifting responsibility and blame to others, but also in an exclusively aggressive way, but also in more reasonable ways.

   Well, a lot of letters came out, so about 2 other types of education next time.

Parents have the greatest influence on the lives of their children. That is why their understanding of what children should think about, how they should learn and how they should be educated is crucial in shaping the future behavior of growing children. Factors such as genes, environment, culture, gender, and financial status matter less. Research shows that there is a relationship between parenting style and child's school performance, their sexual activity, their likelihood of involvement in criminal activities, the manifestation of violence and antisocial behavior, depression, alcohol and drug use, and their level of self-esteem. So, let's take a closer look at the styles that parents use in raising their children!

Authoritarian parents (authoritarian parenting style) (in the terminology of other authors - "autocratic", "dictatorship", "dominance").
The authoritarian (dictatorial) parenting style lacks warmth, is characterized by strict discipline, parent-child communication prevails over child-parent communication, and the expectations of such parents regarding their children are very high. All decisions are made by parents who believe that the child must obey their will and authority in everything.
Authoritarian parents tend to show little affection and “seem to be somewhat distant from their children.” Parents give instructions and orders, while not paying attention to the opinion of the children and not recognizing the possibility of compromise. In such families, obedience, respect and adherence to traditions are highly valued. The rules are not discussed. It is believed that parents are always right, and disobedience is punished - often physically. But parents still “do not cross the line and do not reach the point of beating and ill-treatment.” Parents limit the independence of the child, do not consider it necessary to somehow justify their demands, accompanying them with strict control, severe prohibitions, reprimands and physical punishments. Since children, in order to avoid punishment, constantly obey their parents, they become lack of initiative. Authoritarian parents also expect more maturity from their children than is typical for their age. The activity of the children themselves is very low, since the approach to education is focused on the parent and his needs.
This parenting style leads to a number of developmental deficiencies in the child. In adolescence, parental authoritarianism breeds conflict and hostility. The most active, strong adolescents resist and rebel, become overly aggressive and often leave their parental home as soon as they can afford it. Timid, insecure teenagers learn to obey their parents in everything, not making attempts to decide anything on their own. Such children in adolescence, when the influence of their peers on their behavior is greatest, are more easily amenable to bad influence on their part; they get used to not discussing their problems with their parents (why bother if anyway you are always wrong or they don’t pay any attention to you?) and often fall under the strong influence of their peers. Often disappointed in their expectations, they distance themselves from their parents and often protest against their values ​​and principles.
The level of violence among boys from such families is the highest. They are not confident in their success, less balanced and less persistent in achieving the goal, and also have low self-esteem. In addition, there is an inverse relationship between such authoritarianism and good academic performance. Other studies show that such children lack social adaptation and rarely initiate any activity: “They are not inquisitive enough, cannot act spontaneously, and usually rely on the opinion of elders or superiors.”
With such upbringing, only a mechanism of external control is formed in children, based on a sense of guilt or fear of punishment, and as soon as the threat of punishment from the outside disappears, the adolescent's behavior can become potentially antisocial. Authoritarian relationships preclude intimacy with children, so there is rarely a feeling of affection between them and their parents, which leads to suspicion, constant alertness, and even hostility towards others.
The fact that in the past many people in Germany followed Hitler was attributed to their upbringing in an authoritarian environment that demanded unquestioning obedience from them. Thus, the parents, as it were, “created the conditions” for Hitler.

Liberal parents (liberal parenting style) (in the terminology of other authors - "permissive", "indulgent", "hypoprotection").
The liberal (free) style is characterized by warm relations between parents and children, low discipline, child-parent communication prevails over parent-child relationships, and liberal parents do not place high expectations on their children.
The child is not properly directed, practically does not know the prohibitions and restrictions on the part of the parents, or does not follow the instructions of the parents, which are characterized by the inability, inability or unwillingness to lead the children.
Liberal parents are caring, attentive, they have a very close relationship with their children. Most of all they are concerned about giving children the opportunity to express themselves, their creative side and individuality, and make them happy. They believe that this is what will teach them to distinguish right from wrong. Liberal parents find it difficult to set clear boundaries for acceptable behavior for their children, they are inconsistent and often encourage uninhibited behavior. If certain rules or standards exist in the family, then children are not forced to follow them fully. Liberal parents sometimes seem to take orders and instructions from their children, they are passive and give children a lot of influence in the family. Such parents do not place great hopes on their offspring, the discipline in their families is minimal, and they do not feel much responsibility for the fate of their children.
It is paradoxical that children from such families become the most unhappy. They are more prone to such psychological problems as depression and various kinds of phobias, among them there is a high propensity to commit violence. They are also easily involved in all sorts of anti-social activities. Research has shown that there is an association between liberal parenting and juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, and early sexual activity.
Such parents instill in their children the idea that they can get what they want by manipulating others: “Children acquire a false sense of control over their parents, and then try to control the people around them.” Later, they do poorly in school, disobey their elders much more often, and “may also try to circumvent laws and rules that are not clearly formulated.”
Since they have not been taught to control themselves and watch their behavior, such children are less likely to develop a sense of self-respect. Their lack of discipline makes them want to establish some kind of supervision themselves, so they "make a lot of effort to control their parents and try to get them to control themselves." Unmet psychological needs lead children of liberal parents to become "vulnerable and unable to face the challenges of daily life, which prevents the child from fully participating in society." And this, in turn, hinders their social development, the formation of self-esteem and positive self-esteem. Lacking lofty goals and hopes, “children of liberal parents tend to have a hard time controlling their impulses, they show immaturity and are unwilling to take responsibility.”
As they grow older, such teenagers are in conflict with those who do not indulge them, are not able to take into account the interests of other people, establish strong emotional ties, and are not ready for restrictions and responsibility. On the other hand, perceiving the lack of guidance from parents as a manifestation of indifference and emotional rejection, children feel fear and insecurity.
There is a strong relationship between liberal parenting style and poor school performance, as parents have little interest in their children's education and do not engage in discussions and discussions with them on various topics. Other negative consequences are sleep disturbances and lack of a sense of security.

Authoritative parents (authoritative parenting style (in the terminology of other authors - "democratic", "cooperation").
The authoritative parenting style is characterized by warm relationships between parents and children, moderate disciplinary demands and hopes for the future of children, as well as frequent communication. Authoritative parents are caring and attentive, they create an atmosphere full of love in the house and provide emotional support to their children. Unlike liberal parents, they are firm, consistent in their demands and fair. Parents encourage personal responsibility and independence of their children in accordance with their age capabilities.
Authoritative parents create discipline, using rational and problem-oriented strategies, in order to ensure the independence of children and, if necessary, obey the rules of a certain group. They require children to obey certain established standards of behavior and control their implementation. “Family rules are more democratic than dictatorial.” Parents use reason, discussion, and persuasion to reach understanding with their children, not force. They equally listen to their children and express their demands to them.
Children have an alternative, they are encouraged to offer their own solutions and take responsibility for their actions. As a result, such children believe in themselves and in the ability to fulfill their obligations. When parents value and respect the opinions of their children, it benefits both parties.
Authoritative parents set acceptable boundaries and standards of behavior for their children. They let them know that they will always help when needed. If their demands are not met, then they treat this with understanding and are more likely to forgive their children than to punish them. In general, this style of parenting is characterized by mutual understanding between parents and children and mutual cooperation.
As a result, both parties win. Thanks to successful interaction, care and real expectations placed on children, they get good opportunities for development. In addition, such parents encourage their children to succeed in school, which has a positive impact on their school performance. This is due to the involvement of parents in the affairs and education of children and their use of open discussions of books read together, discussions.
Research also shows that such children are less susceptible to negative peer influences and are more successful in building their relationships with them. Since authoritative parenting strikes a balance between control and independence, it results in competent, responsible, independent, and confident children. These children are much more likely to develop high self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect, are less aggressive, and tend to be more successful in life.
Adolescents are included in the discussion of family problems, participate in decision-making, listen and discuss the opinions and advice of their parents. Parents demand meaningful behavior from their children and try to help them by being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, parents show firmness, take care of justice and consistent observance of discipline, which forms the correct, responsible social behavior.
Moreover, unlike other children, they are better adapted to life. According to research, children of authoritative parents rank first in terms of self-esteem, ability to adapt to guidance and interest in the faith in God professed by parents. They respect authority, are responsible and control their desires. These children are more confident and responsible, so they are much less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, as is the possibility of being involved in criminal activities. They also have fewer phobias, depression and aggressiveness.

Chaotic Parenting Style (Inconsistent Leadership)
This is the absence of a unified approach to education, when there are no clearly expressed, definite, specific requirements for the child, or there are contradictions, disagreements in the choice of educational means between parents, or between parents and grandparents.
Parents, especially the mother, lack the self-control and self-control to carry out consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional swings in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touchingly affectionate manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental influence on children. Over time, the child becomes uncontrollable, neglecting the opinion of elders, parents.
With this style of upbringing, one of the important basic needs of the individual is frustrated - the need for stability and order in the world around him, the presence of clear guidelines in behavior and assessments.
Frustration is a mental state caused by objectively insurmountable (or subjectively perceived as such) obstacles that arise on the way to achieving the goal. It manifests itself in the form of a range of emotions: anger, irritation, anxiety, feelings of guilt, etc.
The unpredictability of parental reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability and provokes increased anxiety, insecurity, impulsivity, and in difficult situations even aggressiveness and uncontrollability, social maladaptation.
With such upbringing, self-control and a sense of responsibility are not formed, immaturity of judgments, low self-esteem are noted.

Guardianship style of parenting (hyper-custody, focusing on the child)
The desire to constantly be near the child, to solve all the problems that arise for him. Parents vigilantly monitor the behavior of the child, limit his independent behavior, worry that something might happen to him.
Despite external care, the patronizing style of upbringing leads, on the one hand, to an excessive exaggeration of one's own importance in the child, and on the other hand, to the formation of anxiety, helplessness, and a delay in social maturity.
The underlying desire of the mother to “bind” the child to herself, not to let go of herself, is often motivated by feelings of anxiety and anxiety. Then the need for the constant presence of children becomes a kind of ritual that reduces the mother's anxiety and, above all, her fear of loneliness, or more generally - the fear of lack of recognition, deprivation of support. Therefore, anxious and especially elderly mothers tend to be more protective.
Another common motive for overprotection is the existence of a constant feeling of fear for the child, obsessive fears for his life, health, and well-being among parents.
It seems to them that something can definitely happen to children, that they need to be taken care of in everything, protected from dangers, most of which turn out to be the fruit of the suspicious imagination of their parents.
Hyper-custody, caused by the fear of loneliness or unhappiness with a child, can be regarded as an obsessive need for psychological protection, first of all, of the parent himself, and not of the child.
Another reason for overprotection is the inertia of the parental attitude towards the child: an already grown-up child, to whom more serious demands must be made, continues to be treated as a small one.
Overprotection is manifested not only in protecting the child from everything that, in the opinion of adults, can harm health; but also in ignoring the baby's own desires, in an effort to do everything for or instead of him - to dress, feed, wash, and in fact - to live instead of him. Strict adherence to the regime, the fear of deviating from the rule - all these are manifestations of excessive fears of parents, which often turn into neuroticism for both children and adults themselves.
Adults are always in a hurry. Mom has no time to wait for the baby to put on pantyhose or button up buttons, she is annoyed that he sits at the table for a long time and spreads porridge on a plate, pours himself with milk, does not know how to properly wash himself and wipe his hands. And not paying attention to how the child, albeit still awkwardly, but stubbornly tries to put the button in the loop, persistently tries to cope with the naughty soap, removes his hands: "Let me do it myself, as it should." The desire to do everything for the child is also manifested in the way adults play with him. The kid is trying to assemble the pyramid, but he cannot put the ring on the rod, he wants to open the box, but the lid "does not obey" him, he tries to start the machine with the key, but the key "does not want" to turn in the hole. The child is angry, runs to his mother. And a caring mother, instead of praising him for his efforts, supporting and patiently helping him to cope with difficulties together, collects, opens, turns.
In essence, behind the desire to do everything for the child lies a distrust of his abilities. Adults postpone the education of independence for the future, when the baby grows up: "You will do it yourself when you grow up." And when he grows up, it suddenly turns out that he does not know how and does not want to do anything on his own. How different in this respect are children of the same age in a nursery or kindergarten! Some open their lockers themselves, diligently and deftly pull on their jackets and boots, joyfully run for a walk, others sit indifferently on a banquette and wait for the teacher to put them on. Passivity, the constant expectation that adults will feed, wash, clean, offer an interesting activity - this is a consequence of the hyper-protective parenting style, which forms in the child a general attitude to life not only in the family, but also in a wider social context.
A child accustomed to overprotection can become obedient, comfortable for parents. However, external obedience often conceals self-doubt, in one's own abilities, and fear of making a mistake. Hyper-custody suppresses the will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, brings up humility, lack of will and helplessness, inhibits the development of perseverance in achieving goals, diligence, and the timely formation of various skills and abilities. A survey was conducted among teenagers: do they help at home with the housework. Most students in grades 4-6 answered in the negative. At the same time, the children expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that their parents did not allow them to do many household chores, believing that they could not cope with them. Among students in grades 7-8, there were the same number of children who did not participate in family life, but the number of those dissatisfied with such care was several times less. This survey showed how children's desire to be active, to take on various responsibilities, gradually fades, if adults prevent this. Subsequent reproaches against children that they are "lazy", "unconscious", "selfish" turn out to be belated and largely unfair. After all, we ourselves, wishing children well, protecting them from difficulties, bring up these qualities in them from an early age.
Hyper-custody can turn into another extreme. Trying to escape from the control of adults, the child can become aggressive, naughty, self-willed. Many parents' complaints about the negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy of babies, which are most pronounced towards the end of an early age, during the crisis of 3 years, are due to a misunderstanding by adults of the child's desire to grow up. At older ages, these qualities can become fixed, become stable personality traits.
Constant control and restrictions can, with age, form a child's secrecy, the ability to cunning. In adolescence, a child may begin to consciously use lies as a means of self-defense against the endless introduction of adults into their lives, which will eventually lead to alienation from their parents, which is especially dangerous at this age. The consequence of overprotection may be the formation of dependence on someone else, including the negative influence of other people.
The main unfavorable role of overprotection is the transmission of excessive anxiety to children, psychological infection with anxiety that is not characteristic of age.
This gives rise to dependence, failure, infantilism, self-doubt, risk avoidance, conflicting trends in the formation of personality, lack of timely developed communication skills.
In most cases, parents dominate their "children" throughout their lives, which contributes to the development of infantilism (preservation in adults of mental traits characteristic of childhood). Manifested in the immaturity of judgments, emotional instability, instability of views. It is under the influence of this style that "mama's sons" grow up.