Husband Wirth-love. Virtual love and betrayal

Man and the virtual world

Most of the representatives of the stronger sex when answering the question: “Why does a man need virtual flirting?” respond that they lack real communication. Most of these men would never agree to non-committal sex for friendship in real life, taking for granted a virtual romance. By the way, such flirting can easily turn on both a single and a married man. This is primarily due to the fact that men do not consider this form of flirting to be treason, because you can simply turn on the computer and immerse yourself in the virtual world, forgetting about all the hardships and troubles. But despite such statements of men, psychologists are very concerned about this circumstance. According to them, virtual flirting can absolutely replace the representatives of the stronger sex not only live communication, but also the joys of carnal love. So, according to statistics that was carried out in the countries of Western Europe, a curious pattern was obtained, which consists in the fact that 26% of men in the age category under 30 prefer virtual communication with elements of flirting instead of real flirting and communication with a girl (including sexual contact). and even virtual sex. And the situation that has developed in the United States looks even worse: according to the same statistics, 65% of men prefer cyberflirting instead of the real one.

What gives men virtual flirting?

Most often, men expect that virtual flirting will simply bring them new, funny sensations and impressions. For many men, such flirting is beneficial because, in essence, it does not oblige to anything, and even more so does not require the mandatory continuation and development of relationships. A man saves himself from routine and boredom, trying himself in a new role of "seducer from the monitor screen."

By the way, according to all the same psychologists, virtual flirting is flirting with yourself. A man, not knowing his partner "in real life", puts his fantasies and expectations into her, which, in his opinion, a real woman should be endowed with. By the way, it is precisely this image that a woman lacks in real life, hence the conclusion that the representatives of the stronger sex always idealize their virtual “object of seduction”. A man, as a rule, tries to delay such flirting as long as possible, showing himself in all his glory and the image of a real seducer. A man always selects an interlocutor "according to interests", the right age, appearance, etc. With such a lady, he proves to himself that he can achieve his goal, and even if his plan fails, the man still does not stop there, because he wants to prove to himself that any girl can be interested in him. Here is another conclusion for you - interest and curiosity.

And lastly, it is much easier for a man to communicate with a woman whom he does not know "in real life", with such a woman he can not only flirt, but also discuss painful topics and even share problems. It is difficult for a man to talk about the fact that something is tormenting him, looking into the eyes of a woman he knows, but communication via the Internet is completely different. So sometimes ordinary flirting can be the basis for the fact that a man wants to win over a woman in order to simply pour out his soul to her. But we still do not advise you to hope for the continuation of such a novel.

I'm just amazed, it turns out it's just some kind of scourge. You know I don't know what to do anymore? My husband is chatting. There he has virtual sex, seduces women, exchanges intimate photos. And what words he writes, I am shocked, I have never heard such words addressed to me. We have a problem in sexual life, very rarely. I no longer know what to do. Moreover, before I found out that my husband was chatting, I myself sent him frank MMS, but in response I heard only that I was a pervert. It was so insulting when I found out that he was doing this with other women whom he would never see. Well, how is it? I am not a complex person, how can I make my husband do all this with me? I might have reconciled myself, treated it as fun, but our sexual relationship is not good at all. Maybe it's because of this communication? Maybe he doesn't want a real relationship? How to understand? And what can be done?

Evgenia, Moscow, 30 years old

Family Psychologist Answer:

Hello Evgeniya.

You are right that this kind of virtual communication is very common. Usually men find an outlet in chat because of not very comfortable communication with a woman in real life. Firstly, the chat allows you to make no effort to start and continue relationships, no flowers, courtship, quarrels, no mutual expectations, no domestic worries. Secondly, chat allows you to be free in desires, allows you to "try on" new roles that, for various reasons, a man cannot "play" in reality. There can be many reasons why a man does not find the strength to behave the way he wants in life. From personal problems, self-doubt, fear of being misunderstood, rejected, to problems in relationships with a particular woman. Problems in sex mirror the common problems of the couple, in particular the lack of trust between partners, the lack of respect for the wishes of the partner. Evgenia, did you and your husband discuss the current situation? Do you know what he finds in chat that he doesn't have in life with you? In my opinion, only a sincere, honest conversation, without mutual accusations, in a calm, confidential manner, can resolve your situation. Because it is useless to guess about something about her husband, a finger to the sky. Trying to seduce and provoke him is also not an option, because. you may receive a rejection. Therefore, try to analyze why you do not have trust, at what stage of your life together it was lost and whether it was at all. And then very tactfully and carefully talk about it with your husband. Good luck to you!

Sincerely, Ekaterina Kondratieva.

Please help me! my husband, like many now, fell under a virtual addiction. he met a girl who lives in another city, at first they just had a correspondence, then I started to notice that he began to be some kind of secretive at the computer, he stayed until 1 o'clock in the morning, in the end, I decided to open his page and it turned out that he was having wirth sex with her in shock, I made a scandal to him, everything seemed to calm down for a while, but it wasn’t there that he opened a new page and started to correspond with her here he already started write that he loves her that he only needs her, when I started talking about a divorce, he said that he didn’t want to get divorced that I was jealous of the computer, but when this girl decided to cut off contact with him, he accused me of being the one to blame, I wrote her a couple messages I don’t know what to do, he claims that he loves me, but I don’t believe it, he recently said that in this way he wanted to stir me up.
help me figure it out

Hello Olga! Yes, indeed, sometimes the motives of the acts committed are banal, but the chosen methods are very ambiguous. Relationships through the computer and the Internet are now very common - what does this give men? - The ability to create an ideal image of your I (such as he dreamed of being) and imagine himself in this image; perhaps in this way they satisfy their deepest problems - internal indecision, low self-esteem, self-doubt; perhaps, feeding his male Ego, that he is able to like him - all this refers specifically to the deep unsatisfied needs of men, which in real life they cannot satisfy for any reason; and they choose exactly virtual relationships - since it is at a distance, it is NOT real, they are not responsible .... but it happens that there can really be behind this - the need to attract attention from your partner - make him jealous and thereby warm up interest in him, i.e. indirectly show the partner what he expects from him and get what he wants - but this is often NOT a solution to the problem, because it is difficult for the partner (you) to understand behind everything that is happening what it was - after all, it was hidden, happened behind your back and nothing but distrust and it will NOT cause resentment - but here it is important for both you and your husband to understand - what exactly was under his object - you (that is, he did NOT have enough from you, but he did not know how to constructively convey this to you, therefore resorted to this method); or he himself - i.e. as the satisfaction of his personal needs! those. it is from the object of zivist and the possibility of accepting what is happening - and in such situations it is necessary to constructively establish relationships and the style of interaction in the family between partners, so as NOT to bring to such methods, but constructively for both parties to resolve problems and together - learn to voice feelings and echoes so that the partner I could see and hear them! Olga, if you decide to look into the situation - feel free to contact me - call - I will only be happy to help you!

Hello Olga.

I notice such facts: he communicated with a girl via the Internet (for me, this means that he may have missed something in your relationship), now he does not communicate. He says that he loves you, but at the same time he accuses that communication has stopped due to your fault. Yes, it began, it seems, from his position, through your fault - in order to START you. To me, it's about the fact that for some reason he is not ready to take responsibility for his contribution to your relationship and discord in it.

Your position: virtual sex (treason?) - it seems that his emotional attachment to another is more painful for you. However, there is no trust. You opened the page (probably the second one too?), wrote messages to the girl (why?). If he does not love you and is capable of this, then you need to get a divorce (or what?). For me, this is about your pain and resentment for this situation and a more general mistrust between you.

If it is important for both of you to keep the family together, it makes sense to explore your relationship and the responsibility of each of you for what is happening in them. This can be done in a couples consultation. If it suits you, I'll be glad to help.

You can also individually figure out what is happening to you and what ways out are possible besides divorce, and if there is a divorce, get support and support during this difficult period.

You can also email me: [email protected]

Sincerely,

Olga, listen to what your husband says - "stir up" and compare with what he is looking for in virtual communication - sex. What to spy on. violate personal boundaries and throw tantrums - explore why a person leaves a real relationship, what he lacks in your relationship with him. And if you correspond with his familiar ladies, discuss with him his “campaigns to the left” (so far virtual), then somehow you start to think that you are not very confident in yourself and do not respect yourself, sinking to the level of discussing the intimate side " virtual life" of her husband with another woman.

And now you're trying to figure out if it's cheating or not... Making love in real life is getting harder and harder. For what reasons do married men begin to engage in virtual sex, prefer it to sex with his wife and even relationships on the side?

Availability

Unlike real relationships, online relationships don't require long courtship and gentle foreplay. In addition, a virtual partner is always ready to have sex as soon as a man wants it and she never has a headache (after all, she comes there for the same purpose). If in your relationship a man has to make a lot of efforts to set you up for sex, then perhaps he is just tired and runs off to the Internet for this very reason.

Try to change tactics and be the first to take the initiative - such changes can pleasantly surprise your loved one and take your relationship to a new level.

the freedom of action

In virtual sex, a man can realize absolutely any of his fantasies, even the most perverted ones. He can do things that no woman in real life would allow him to do.

Perhaps you should add variety to the bedroom. But be careful: often women, fulfilling the desires of men, forget about their own; at the same time, a man, getting used to experiments, constantly demands more! Variety in the sexual life of spouses is very important, but it should be enjoyable for two.

Diffidence

If a man has erection problems or premature ejaculation (or just doesn't feel like a good lover), then this may be the reason for him to get involved in virtual relationships. After all, in them he can feel like a real hero.

If your partner suffers from any male sexual disorder, then this can and should be corrected (I already wrote about how to do this in my previous articles). But if in fact everything is in order with him, then do not forget to praise him, and then he will feel like a full-fledged man right next to you, and not in the virtual world.

By the way, this applies not only to sex, but also to your life in general - for men, the assessment and recognition of a beloved woman is very important. It inspires and provokes new feats and achievements. No wonder they say that behind every successful man is a wise woman.

If you suspect your man in a virtual relationship, remember: he runs into them because of dissatisfaction with your real relationship. Therefore, before blaming him, try to find the true cause of the problem and work on your relationship, including relationships in bed.

Watch the most frank show "Let's talk about sex" every Wednesday at 22:30 on the STB channel!

People who approve of IT adultery emphasize the word "virtual" and emphasize this by calling the whole process "virt". It turns out that it’s not treason at all, but it seems like a computer game: conquered the galaxy, killed thirty thousand monsters, but not a single animal was harmed.

Opponents focus on the word "treason", no matter through the Web or in real life, anyway, "You were not with me"!

Wirth is, of course, making progress. And it can be classified according to the level of resources used: e-mail, ICQ, Skype, social networks ... For the most advanced, there is also a game virt: this is when in an online game a beautiful elf instead of "Let's go kill the orcs" suddenly writes to you : "What a beautiful long staff you have, my sweet mage." Sometimes a textual Wirth is accompanied by sending a photo, and sometimes it turns into an even more visual form, up to direct online video conferences with online undressing, stroking, and so on. By the way, here you have to be as careful as possible - the video is often recorded, and it is possible that it is posted somewhere.

Ask your young man (and at the same time two or three others) if they consider virtual treason to be treason. Everyone will say in unison: "No, this is not treason!" And they are completely sincere. It's just that the key word here is "still". Virtual cheating for a man is just a preparation for a real one! A run before a full-fledged adultery in all its physiological glory.

Renting a hotel room, buying elite alcohol and an armful of flowers is not treason either. Change, if you're lucky, will come later...

Yes, I understand that I'm pawning mine now ... But someone must tell the truth sometime! Think for yourself, men never do anything without a specific and important goal for themselves.

I justify the means

This is for you Wirth can be an end in itself. Therefore, I am ready to admit that on your part he is not as criminal as on mine. Why do girls get into all this online whispering? You can honestly answer: because the office is boring; because it is interesting to talk to someone unfamiliar; because you want to feel interesting and attractive, and you can name 80 more reasons ... In any case, starting a frivolous correspondence with some "incognito", you least of all think about how to really change in three days.

And why do boys enter into virtual relationships, looking for beautiful and spectacular companions? No one to chat with? Can you even imagine a man who will say: “I love to get along with the girls so much, I don’t need anything else, as long as they hang on my ears”? For most of us, typing letters on a keyboard is hard work. And if we undertake it, the reason must be weighty.

This girl can just come to the store to read the price tags - she is interested. And not the fact that something will buy. A man comes to the store not for this. He will not re-read "sausage, sausage, sausage" twenty times, but simply buy and eat. It's clear? There are no male lovers of virtual romance.

When a man writes "What an interesting conversationalist you are!", in fact, it means only "I am ready to endure these endless conversations for a while for a better perspective." And one more indicative fact: no matter how spiritual virtual communication is, there comes a moment when he writes: "And send a photo ..."

What follows from this? Wirth itself is not treason. This is just an invitation to treason, stretched out in time and passed through computer, telephone and social networks. At least for a man.

I take it to heart

In general, if someone, and it does not matter - a man or a woman, begins to secretly correspond with someone, this is a sign of trouble. Sooner or later online friends will try to meet up. And attempts will continue until a suitable option is found or a conviction that is deadly for any relationship is formed: "All women (men) are the same."

The situation is much more complicated when no one kisses anyone, does not get goosebumps and does not undress in front of the webcam. In medical terms, the symptoms are blurred. It would seem that there are all signs of virtual treason: an unknown friend of the opposite sex, regular epistolary contacts with him, the use of modern computer technology. On the other hand, the style of communication is not loosely erotic. Something like "I ate a bun for breakfast, the bosses are harmful and stupid, the weather is similar to the bosses, plans are to buy a bedside table and slippers, the mood is complicated, and I like the color purple now." Formally, there is nothing to complain about, just chatter. Reminds the conversation of the spouses at dinner about everything and nothing. Here's the catch: what's stopping him (her) from talking to me about it? And immediately after that, resentment covers: it means that he (she) has no time to listen to me, and it’s not clear who always has time to talk about garbage for two hours? This may turn out to be even more offensive than an open Wirth.

Many girls treat their men's virtual adventures as a necessary evil, like watching pornography. And to be jealous of such nonsense is not to respect yourself. But if instead of "You are so beautiful" heart-to-heart talks and discussions of films, books, relatives and bosses begin, then it is here, oddly enough, that you can expect big trouble. If you scroll through such a correspondence, then somewhere in the middle phrases like "No one understands me as well as you", "I can only communicate with you so freely and interestingly", "I think I have known you for a thousand years" and, finally, something that can piss off the most loyal person to Internet weaknesses: "I'm more interested in you than with ...". Further, the unfortunate virtual cuckold or deceived wife discovers his name with surprise.

The devastating consequences of such a sweet and innocent communication can be worse than from the darkness of virtual minxes with a set of phrases at the level of "Liu cha, zay."

I'm trying to advise

How to behave if your priceless one is caught in virtual treason? Can be killed immediately. Or you can pretend that you didn’t notice anything, and anonymously register with him as a “girlfriend” - most likely, he will not refuse. Male pride is flattered when new ladies are added to it, no matter for what purpose. Knowing its features, preferences and tastes, you can achieve outstanding results. And your dreary real existence will turn into a stormy virtual romance, moreover, you will always remember that you are collecting dirt. When gigabytes of compromising evidence accumulate, you will develop depression. You will go to catch him red-handed, he will be offended that you "followed and did not trust" ... In short, it was better to kill him right away.

There is a less sophisticated, but more effective way to discourage the desire to look under other people's virtual skirts: arrange for him in real life such a life that he is not up to Wirth! A year of joint trips to exotic countries. Dinner conversations about football and fantasy - but you never know. If at the heart of the relationship there was something more serious than "just to be with someone," all trips to the left on the Internet will take off as if by chance. And if not ... Better sooner than later with undermined nerves.

BACKGROUND

People began to exchange messages of an erotic nature around the same time that letters were invented. True, with the assistance of a postman with a thick shoulder bag, the process dragged on for weeks, months and years. Balzac corresponded with Evelina Ganskaya for 20 years ...