I am a former drug addict. Constant quarrels with his wife. Constant quarrels and breakdowns with a guy

I believe that he wants to see his mother in me ... But when we look at our parents, rose-colored glasses are on us. We almost do not see any shortcomings! He is very attached to his mother! She plows all her life. She doesn't look her age, she looks older! I don't want that! Without her decision, the father-in-law does nothing. But she commands cunningly! He makes it as if he is such a good fellow, he decided everything, but in the end he will not forget to point out that after all she is behind everything. I can't and don't want to! I am a very straightforward person, I do not know how to play up and get out! It annoys me insanely when my mother-in-law tries her methods on me! I don’t even know how to explain to you… I think that everything should be said in the eyes! Tactfully, but directly, and not by hints and entrances. Then she worked all her life until 15:00, the house is a 15-minute walk. That is, by 15:30 she was at home and had time to do everything before the men arrived! And I came from work squeezed like a lemon (we have completely different work with my mother-in-law) at 18:30. In general, I only had time to cook a meal and that's it, there was no more strength. In general, what am I leading to ... He wants me to give my whole life to him ... I did this, but I also demand an answer from him ... Mom, of course, does not require an answer. He gives everything away ... That's why she and mother ... I was always with him in such troubles, about which my mother does not even know. I always protect him from various attacks, I take care (every day I cook everything fresh, he doesn’t eat yesterday’s) and. t. That’s why it’s even more offensive ... In my opinion, I’m doing everything in my power for him ... When we started dating, I had a huge number of guy friends, he didn’t like it all, he was jealous and said that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. I never proved the opposite ... Only my girlfriends remained ... Then ... I studied vocals from the age of 13, I could not imagine life without it! I can’t remember without pain ... It didn’t suit him that in our recreation center, where I studied, the studio is always smoky, there are a lot of men and they often drink, because all the holidays are celebrated there. My words that I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I don’t pay attention to men didn’t convince him again. I quit classes ... Sometimes in the evenings I remember myself on stage, with my friends and cry ... It seems to me that this is unacceptable ... I never forbade him to do what he loved, even if I didn’t like something. And I never compared with anyone ... And he compares. I recently discovered a cobweb on the chandelier, which I had not seen, and scolded me ... He said that in his family, his mother considered it just horror! And the fact that she also has cobwebs on the chandeliers, and has not been removed at all, he does not notice this. Holy mom... I'm not trying to convince you... We have a house of 150 square meters. m., his dream! I followed his dream! Now I don’t have time to wash it every day, cook it and raise a child… And he just can’t carry his dirty jeans two meters to the basket, he throws them on the floor… My wife will clean it silently… Like a mother… I hope you understand me…

I also forgot to say that my husband has a sister who is 10 years older than him. She married at the age of 27, and before that she and her mother nursed him together. My sister always cooked something tasty, because it was boring. And now, no matter what delights I cook, he is not surprised, for him this is the norm. But my friends don’t cook this, and their husbands are grateful to them ... And they will say thank you, and they will wash the dishes after themselves. It’s not like that with us ... He comes home from work, eats and collapses on the sofa with a laptop, and I put the child to bed and start washing the kitchen ... Sometimes I hang out like that until one in the morning ... Maybe I’m to blame for everything ... Maybe I need to be weak more ... I recently went to bed on the sofa with him, snuggled up and purring “Don’t you want to wash the dishes?”, He laughed “Why is this?”, I say “I’m sooooo tired ... And you want to help me =)))”, he was silent for a bit and says "Go to bed, I'll wash everything tomorrow morning." I almost fell off the couch ... Of course, I went and washed everything myself, but the fact remains)) But it always doesn’t work out like that ... He says, “You yourself can do everything! Don't be silly!" and that's it...

It seems that someone has “jinxed” us ...

We lived together for almost a year before we got married. The relationship was great! I believed that there are perfect men in the world. So I fell in love with him unconsciously. He conquered me, enchanted, bewitched. I can't find the exact words to describe what happened to me. I know for sure that I was “blinded” by love and did not see any of his shortcomings.

We got married - everything has changed beyond recognition!

I was shocked. She got used to her new life as best she could. She did everything to return the old (“before the wedding”) times. And she yielded to him, and pleased, and fulfilled all his desires .... And what's the point - then ?! Roma never likes everything. It seems that he is specifically looking for a reason to quarrel.

We often (constantly) quarrel with my husband. Yesterday we had a fight because he couldn't find the second sock. He said that it was impossible to live with me. Husband lost his sock "thanks to my love of neatness." I laughed for a long time when I heard this statement.

And last week, a quarrel arose from the fact that I came home later than promised. Both explanations and oaths did not help! It's not my fault that the trolley bus "lost" from the schedule. How embarrassing for me! I hate it when people don't believe me! I always believed in my own person to the last. Why doesn't he treat me the same way?

I can't take this step! Love him. Yes, I'm used to it. Love is not a potato. Why didn't I stay the way I was before? I thought that I should live solely for my own pleasure and not fall in love with anyone. Roma did everything to steal my heart! And I didn't resist.

Sister will be happy if we run away. She has been in love with him for a long time. I don't want to stay with him out of principle. I will not be able to "give" Veronica the life that I lived and live. She doesn't want to listen to me! She cannot believe that her lover is exactly as I describe him.

I found understanding and faith only in my best friend. It's good that I have it! Lilya sincerely sympathized with me when I told her all my difficult story. She shared with me her personal version of the reasons for what is happening. It seems to Lilka that Roman has been cheating on me for a long time. It hurts to even think about it!

We need to teach him a lesson, not forgive him!

And then he offends, and then asks for forgiveness thousands of times. This is repeated almost constantly. I have a wonderful plan! I will tell it only to you. I'm not afraid that my husband will read it. He never visits such sites. Managed to learn it!

Here's the plan!

First, I will find the most beautiful dress in the online store and order it. I'll wait until they deliver, try it on and hide it in the closet for a while. Then I buy all the cosmetics in the hypermarket, go to a beauty salon and the nearest hairdresser. I want to be the most beautiful for myself and others.

I have enough money for all this! My husband gives them to me (for expenses), but I do not spend. I am learning, so to speak, to be a “piggy bank”. I keep it in a safe place. I asked my neighbor to keep my wallet. For this service, she promised to sit with her twins. Unfortunately, their daddy abandoned them.

Why did I plan all this? To be the best! To make a loved one fall in love with me again! I know what it could be. I also fell in love with Roma twice. I do not rule out that I will fall in love for the third time if he changes his “wrong” attitude towards me.

I was wrong about changing attitudes. My plans didn't work out in my favor. I'll tell you what happened after the implementation of these plans.

I'm standing at the mirror, preening .... And he comes up to me, looks at me for a long, long time and makes a huge scandal. My husband began to suspect that I was going on a date because I was too beautiful. He accused me of not trying so hard for him. He called me bad words, shouted, brought me to tears, slammed the door and left.

I don't remember how much time has passed. I only remember that I dozed off and somehow ended up on the floor. I was brought to my senses by the knock on the door. I didn't open it. Two minutes later, the door opened by itself, and a loved one appeared on the threshold. In his hands he held three huge bouquets of flowers and a large box. He fell to his knees, throwing everything on the bed, and carried me to our bed. He kissed me for a long time and whispered words of apology. I saw him cry, but for the first time I didn't feel sorry for him.

I fell asleep and didn't talk to him. In the morning I woke up surrounded by flower petals. Roma decided to give me one hundred percent romance. Thanks to him for this, of course, but more importantly - a good and respectful attitude towards me as a person! He doesn't always understand it.

There were five luxurious dresses in a large box. I asked to return them to the stores. I thought that a new scandal would “develop”, but I was wrong. He said: “OK, dear, I will do whatever you want.” It won't be like this for very long! Men don't change at all. You have to enjoy only moments of happiness.

Frequent fights...

He surprised me again today!

Bought two gold rings and concert tickets. I thanked him and kissed him. He started asking for forgiveness again. How trite and expected! To be honest, I'm tired of it! What is the use of his "I'm sorry" and "I'm very sorry"?

She did not calm down with sweets, but asked to be left alone for a while. My husband did not refuse my request and went to his neighbor - a friend. And I invited Lily to visit. She arrived fifteen minutes later. She flew to me in a taxi to support, listen, give advice. I hope that she will be able to somehow change what is happening in my loving, and wounded soul .... And you help me, please! Write tips in the comments. I promise that I will thank and answer each of you. I’ll run, otherwise I didn’t have time to completely set the table! Many thanks to everyone for your attention! See you in the virtual world!

You can often hear such an expression that "darlings scold, they only amuse themselves." However, regular quarrels in the family cannot bring anything good. There can be many reasons for this phenomenon. If you are increasingly asking the question: “What should I do if I constantly quarrel with my husband?”, Then it’s time to finally acknowledge the existing problem and try to solve it peacefully. But where to start? And how to fix the situation?

What causes quarrels and strife?

The simplest rule in the family: "Be able to hear and listen to your partner." It is because of non-compliance with this rule that quarrels most often begin.

As a result, both spouses cease to listen to the opinion of the other and respect his interests. They begin to defend each their point of view and, as a result, they regularly argue and quarrel. Hence the statements of women arise, like this: “We constantly quarrel with my husband because of the little things.” At the same time, both spouses begin to resemble offended children from whom a toy was taken away. Each of them stands on his own and does not intend to yield to the other.

If everything continues at the same pace, then both spouses will realize that they have absolutely nothing in common. The consequences of this are divorce, the division of property with all the ensuing consequences.

The main thing is to stop in time

If a husband and wife are constantly arguing, then at least one of them should definitely stop and take a sober look at the situation. Think carefully about how it all started and how your quarrel is going. If it was not possible to remember this, it is necessary to think about the fact that both partners are certainly the culprits of troubles in the family.

If, in your opinion, the husband started the quarrel, what prevented you from stopping in time? Why did you suddenly turn into a child and with a frantic fuse entered into an argument? You supported the arguing, which means that you are guilty no less than him.

It is possible that your spouse simply flared up. In this case, it can be influenced by various factors, including unpleasant moments at work, lack of finances, and much more. Be smart. Do not respond to a shout by raising your tone. Invite the spouse to calm down and look at the subject of the dispute calmly. At the same time, your tone should be balanced, and your voice should be calm. After that, many men come to their senses. Remember, the main thing is to stop in time, before something that was not worth saying was said. And then you will no longer wonder why my husband and I constantly swear.

Try to find a compromise

Any negotiations, including those that take place between two arguing spouses, need a compromise. Sometimes it is not easy to find it, but it is necessary. For example, if you're arguing over who picks up the kids from school or daycare, compromise and make a schedule. Your husband will do it on Mondays and Wednesdays, and you will do it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And so that no one is offended, on Friday, a grandmother or grandfather will completely cope with this task. And then you definitely won’t start a conversation with your friends with the phrase: “Girls, I constantly swear with my husband, how to fix the situation?”.

What does the lack of compromise lead to?

In the absence of a compromise or a desire to seek it, each of the partners will do it to spite the other. For example, a husband will regularly stay late at work, because it is there that he can get rid of your reproaches and whims. He will turn off the phone, spend more time with friends. And sometimes come far from being sober. All this results in a certain protest and a desire to get away from an unpleasant and tense situation in the family. As they say, a man should have a reliable rear at home. If he is not there, he will simply begin to return there less often, and over time, perhaps, he will stop altogether.

The wife, on the contrary, will become offended. Sometimes she will turn to her parents, relatives, like-minded people for help. She will ask all of them: “We constantly swear with my husband, what should I do?”. Of course, each case is individual. However, with this approach, your marriage is unlikely to last long. Take action and change things for the better.

How to solve the problem together?

In order to solve any problem, it is necessary to act together. For example, many ladies claim that their strife is purely financial in nature. From them you can hear something like this: “We constantly quarrel with my husband because of money. They are missing. Low salary. We can’t buy and postpone anything,” etc. However, before you nag your husband and once again remind him of his small salary, think about what exactly you did in order to solve this problem. So how do you proceed?

First, talk to your husband. However, do not base your conversation on reproaches alone. Psychologists recommend using the hamburger tactic. Remember that a hamburger has two buns and one patty.

So, first you need to praise your husband, then scold him a little (in moderation, of course), and then praise him again. For example, you get something like this: “Dear! You are so talented and smart. It's just that your boss doesn't appreciate you. Your salary is small, although you work seven days a week, and you do everything for three specialists. It is not right. Talk to management. Say it's time for a career advancement. You have already grown out of your position and are ready for responsibility, new obligations. Ask for a raise and a pay raise. You know how I appreciate your courage, prudence and responsiveness. You'll be fine, you'll see!"

Believe me, with this approach, you will no longer need to look for answers to the question: “Tell me what to do? I constantly argue with my husband and don’t know what to do!

Do not try to remake anyone and look for solutions peacefully

The most common mistake in family relationships is the desire of one partner to remake the other. Hence the mutual insults and reproaches. That's just not a single person can be remade, of course, if he himself does not want it.

If you decide to take up the "education" of your husband, think about it - perhaps something is wrong with you. If you think that everything is in order with you, then for cardinal changes in the character of your spouse, you should act gently and unobtrusively. And then the catchphrase “I constantly quarrel with my husband”, which you often use when communicating with friends, will disappear from your vocabulary forever.

A simple example that many psychologists hear at a reception is that a husband often walks around the apartment in shoes, but his wife does not like it. What should you do in such a case? Stop yelling at him. If he is so used to it, then talking in raised tones will not help here. So, the selfish phrase “I want you not to walk around the apartment in shoes” can easily be replaced with “I would like our house to be clean and comfortable. Therefore, be kind, do not walk around the room in boots and appreciate my work.

Communicate more with each other

Sometimes women make an unforgivable mistake - they are unhappy with something, but do not tell their husband about the reason. Of course, you can expect your spouse to figure out why his other half was offended for years. As a rule, he does not even know what, in fact, he is talking about.

If you don't like something, tell your spouse about it. However, this should not be done in the form of a complaint - it is better to communicate gently and gently, without hurting him

Pregnant: with her husband constantly swear

Often women who are in an interesting position are prone to quarrels and mood swings. It's all due to an excess of hormones. Of course, if you have a loving and caring husband, he will understand exactly what your mood swings are connected with.

If the situation escalated, and you can’t do anything about it and the scandals continue, try breathing exercises. It helps to relax, calm thoughts and even balance emotions. As an option, a special yoga complex for pregnant women with elements of simple exercises and breathing is suitable.

Walk outdoors more. In the end, there are alternative ways to deal with emotions. For example, psychologists advise singing, dancing or doing creative work (knitting, sewing, making something). And then your family will be quiet and calm.

Conflicts and their constructive resolution are the only way to achieve harmony in a couple. Find out what you can gain if you stop avoiding fights.
1. you will start to trust each other more.
Conflicts that cannot be resolved quickly are so terrifying for many couples that they prefer to avoid them by any means. People consider such quarrels fatal for relationships. And absolutely in vain.

Attention! Only if you manage to talk without getting personal, but at the same time without suppressing your emotions, but on the contrary, making them available to your partner, such a quarrel will only strengthen your relationship. You will understand this when the storm is over.
Having survived one fight, you will be less afraid of the next. You will begin to trust your partner and yourself more, knowing that you are quite capable of coping with possible disagreements. As a result, you will not put off difficult conversations with your soul mate until the last. You will understand that it is better not to accumulate negative emotions, but to find out as soon as possible what is wrong.
2. You will feel much better after a fight.
Thus, if you manage to express your emotions and blow off steam, you will get rid of tension, anxiety and fear. This will positively affect both your mental health and physical health.
Of course, this does not mean that you need to pour all your toxic thoughts on your partner. Although sometimes it is better to express everything that has boiled up than to keep it inside and wait for everything to form by itself.
Greg Godek, author of Love: The Course They Forgot to Teach You in School, says the golden rule of ethics rarely works in real fights. Too careful talking will get you nowhere. Therefore, sometimes it is better to release all emotions in order to finally figure out what is wrong.
The only rule to follow in quarrels is not to hit your partner and not to throw heavy objects at him. For the rest - go ahead: make noise, slam doors, swear with the last words. Do whatever you feel like it will help.
Greg godek.
3. partner learns about your thoughts and feelings.
No matter how close you are, your partner cannot read your mind. He probably just doesn’t realize how much a topic hurts you.
At the same time, the question arises: how to convey your thoughts to your partner so that he perceives them correctly and is not offended? Especially if it's some kind of claim against him. How not to make him discouraged by your discontent?
Try not to blame, but to talk about your feelings, about how your partner's behavior affects you. Psychologists call these I-statements. For example, you might say, "I'm already fed up with your work." I - a statement conveying the same idea would sound like this: "I am very upset that you often come home late. I would like to spend more time together."
It is said that quarrels show all our worst features. But they can also bring out our best qualities if we manage the hardest part of them.
4. you will become closer.
During fights, you figure out what is important to your partner, what he loves, what he wants, how he builds boundaries, how flexible he is, what hurts him, and what he needs to feel better.
In the event that you quarreled because your half scatters socks around the apartment, the matter may be completely different. Perhaps the reason lies in respect and personal space, and not accuracy.
Greg godek.
There is another fact that cannot be ignored. Sex after a quarrel is worth almost any quarrel. And it will also make you closer to each other. In all senses.
5. you will understand that your soul mate is a separate person.
Quarrels very quickly dispel the illusion that you have already merged into one and achieved complete understanding. Even better if it never happens. So you can get to know each other from new sides all your life.
6. you will become a better person.
You learn to focus on what matters most. On the fact that your soul mate is very important to you and you want your loved one to be happy. So you become more patient, understanding and caring, learn to truly love.
When you are in the midst of a quarrel, you are clearly not up to fun. You feel disgusting. In a sense, quarrels are reminiscent of sports training. Is sweating at the gym always fun? No. But this is how you pump your weaknesses.
Greg godek.
To quarrel is to forge a sword out of steel. Only after hardening, after repeated immersion in hot oil and cold water, will a work of art be obtained that can survive any test. It's the same with your union.
7. You will realize that you don't have to be perfect.
Fighting shows that you are only human. Sometimes you're in a bad mood, sometimes you're stressed out, and sometimes you're just tired. Accordingly, your relationship cannot be perfect.
All your internal cockroaches, which you are aware or not aware of, will make themselves felt in close relationships. It's unavoidable.
When we fight, our inner children come into play. They are vulnerable and irrational. You seem to be two or three years old again. Therefore, when you are hurt, remember that it is the child who is doing it. To do this, you can keep a childhood photo of your loved one close at hand. Hedy Schleifer, licensed counseling psychologist, director of the Relationship Therapy Center.

Constant fights in relationships. Why do quarrels arise?

The fact that you are quarreling shows that you care about what happens between you. You still care about each other. Otherwise, you would not react so violently to what is happening, there would be no heat of passion. However, the quarrel also indicates that not everything between you is as perfect and smooth as we would like. There is some problem that is causing the conflict.

A quarrel indicates a change in the situation and that your relationship as a couple is developing. It is the controversial issues and conflict situations that arise between loving people that force them to work together to find a solution to the problem, to try to change and become better in order to keep their love.

Through quarrels that ended in reconciliation and conflicts from which they managed to find a way out through joint efforts, couples take their relationship to a new level. Such shakes are a kind of test for the strength of feelings for a couple who wants to be together.

Why Relationship Disputes Occur

Sometimes conflict situations can arise if people are already in a bad mood before a quarrel or in a negative state after a working day, exhaustion. Also, the reason for its occurrence may be a lack of understanding on the other hand.

For example, a wife expects her husband to wash the dishes and clear the table after eating, but he does not, a conflict may arise. If the wife is busy and in a good mood, everything will work out, and she herself will be able to remove it, but otherwise it seems to be a trifle, or there may already be a reason or reason for a quarrel.

Conflict situations are almost always caused emotionally. Sometimes in a strong quarrel that started small, hurtful or unpleasant phrases like “I’m sorry I met you!”, “How could I ever let you become a part of my life ?!” Without even noticing, you can express everything that has boiled up and sore for several years. The result is discomfort, the mood of both deteriorates, the nerves are frayed, but there are no conclusions, and this is the worst outcome of the quarrel.

Similar situations can occur in those couples who love each other very much. This kind of quarrel only harms the relationship, and there are practically no results. You can move away from this in different ways: within an hour or after a few weeks. But, unfortunately, the fact of a quarrel can manifest itself after a while. There are certain rules for reducing the quarrel to the minimum damage for both.

1. A quarrel, if it has already arisen, must have a good reason. In the example, one could simply answer: “I don’t like that you don’t wash up after yourself and clear the table.”

2. If there is a mutual deviation from the topic of the quarrel, it is better to stop doing it.

3. It’s definitely not worth pointing out the shortcomings, for example, with the words “Sloppy, inattentive, frivolous”, because the problem is being discussed, and not the character of the person.

4. It is worth considering that if cleanliness is important to one person, it may not be so important to another.

5. Under no circumstances should you be frightened by a short departure from the apartment because a trifle can cause a divorce.

It is impossible to live life without quarrels. We fight with friends, parents and partners. There is nothing wrong with conflict, for it often leads to a solution to problems and clears the atmosphere: "After a thunderstorm, the sun always comes." It is important, however, to be able to argue constructively, that is, to conduct an open, honest discussion, without shouting and violence.

But how to argue calmly when negative emotions are “torn from within us”?

A quarrel at the beginning gives rise to anger, disagreement with the current situation. You should not suppress bad emotions in yourself, because in the end they will find a way out and break out with a vengeance at the least opportune moment.

Suppressed anger is a destructive force that carries a large energy charge. This energy can, however, be channeled into creative and beneficial activities, such as when you feel anger getting the better of you, go for a run in the park, clean your house, shake your carpets, go to the pool. Do something to keep anger from ruining your relationship.

At the beginning of the development of a relationship, it is impossible to predict everything, so men and women face various difficulties. It seems that everything is fine, but after a few days, misunderstandings, disputes, and then scandals begin. This is due to the fact that all people are different, and in relations with another person, one has to reckon with his desires and principles.

But not everyone is used to putting up, giving in and understanding, so already at the beginning of a relationship there are quarrels. Sometimes this ends with reconciliation and the realization of mistakes by each of the partners, but it also happens that couples break up. In this case, much depends on the woman herself, who can approach the situation as competently and wisely as possible. Terminating a relationship is much easier than coming up with a strategy for communicating with your loved one and finding mutual understanding with him. If you want to solve the problem, not run away from it, then check out the recommendations below.

Why do fights happen at the beginning of a relationship?

Many people wonder why there are quarrels at the very beginning of a relationship, and how long they will last. In fact, this is quite normal, because two completely different people want to start a life together. Do not forget that men and women are very different both in appearance and in thinking, so you should not hope that your loved one will perfectly understand you in everything.

First, pay attention to the fact that at the beginning of the relationship there is a grinding of characters, so in this case quarrels are inevitable. Someone conflicts very little, and someone cannot understand the partner, as a result of which quarrels occur. For example, you like to take a hot bath, and your boyfriend likes a refreshing cool shower.

In this case, the question arises regarding the purchase of plumbing, so sometimes you need to look for the most acceptable options for two. For many, quarrels occur exclusively at the initial stage of the relationship, because then people get used to each other and soberly evaluate all the pros and cons. If this person is perfect for you, then after a short amount of time you will find a common language and stop quarreling over trifles. If nothing changes between you, think about whether the person next to you is the same.

Perhaps end the relationship because of a quarrel?

It often happens that there is simply no strength left to endure a loved one, and parting seems to be the only logical option. This is a completely logical solution to the problem, but have you ever thought about what is the probability that everything will not be exactly the same with another man? Psychologists say that in order for the relationship between a man and a woman to be of high quality and normal, it is necessary to wait out the initial stage. But many do not have enough patience, which leads to parting.

Try not to pay attention to quarrels and scandals for a certain time, wait until the relationship between you normalizes. Do not forget that you can end the relationship at any time convenient for you. If you want to meet or live with your former lover again, then it is unlikely that everything will be the same for you. Try to go through this difficult stage for both of you, because if you want to be together, you will have to learn how to deal with difficulties. In this case, you should not listen to your mother or friends, because they do not know all the features of the relationship between you, and their advice will only confuse you.

How to deal with quarrels in a new relationship?

If you do not know how to stop endless quarrels and scandals, try to find the most alternative methods. For example, stop trying to prove anything to your partner. It may be an argument about who is cooking dinner today, or maybe you want your loved one to stop showing his softness in certain life situations. Therefore, first of all, you will need to work on yourself.

As soon as you develop in yourself a reluctance to argue, you will notice that the man has also ceased to prove his case. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice, because this raises a huge wall between you. Discuss any misunderstanding in a quiet, calm voice, trying to find a compromise.

Learn to respect other people's space. Even before starting a relationship, each of you had freedom, personal interests and hobbies that made you happy. After people create couples, there is a desire to control a partner and independently choose joint leisure. You should not do this, because in this way you will violate the feeling of inner comfort in your loved one and provoke a new quarrel.

Try to understand that a happy relationship is the ability to love, understand and appreciate a partner and his interests, regardless of your mood or principles. When you want to do something, focus on how you would like your loved one to treat you.

In every family, problems arise and conflict situations often occur. This is due to the fact that all people are different and sometimes thoughts about this or that do not coincide. This is how conflict arises. If this is familiar to a married couple, one should not be discouraged that the family is breaking up. Conflicts are normal and it is worth worrying if they are not, because this means that people accumulate all the negative energy and keep it in themselves. In this case, sooner or later, emotions will come out and everything will end pretty badly.

There are many positive aspects to family conflicts. Firstly, quarrels teach spouses to be patient with each other, to listen to the opinion of their soul mate, so after a surge of emotions, spouses become calmer.

Secondly, family quarrels further strengthen the relationship between spouses. If a husband and wife often quarrel, then this is a sign that their feelings have not cooled down yet, they still love each other and are not indifferent to the problems of their soul mate. A quarrel teaches you to analyze your behavior, your character and improve as a person.

Also, a family conflict helps to solve the problem, because of which the quarrel began. If the problem is not discussed, it will not go anywhere. Therefore, the dialogue, albeit in a raised tone, is better.

But there are also a number of negative aspects to the quarrel. Very often family quarrels are advertised. This is a huge mistake, because the family is a separate planet where there is no place for strangers. Family conflicts must take place within the family, and no one has the right to poke their nose into it.

Sometimes it happens that witnesses of marital scandals are children. This should never be allowed. Firstly, the child forms a bad opinion about his parents, and secondly, this is a very negative psychological factor.

Often in a quarrel, a wife or husband can offend their soul mate. This is another negative side of family conflicts. It can be very difficult to control oneself at such moments, but it is simply necessary to do it, because insults spoken in the hearts can hurt a lot and be remembered.

In a quarrel, you should not compare your soul mate with someone you know. This is a big mistake that forms certain complexes in a person, and can also cause more than one conflict.

Be that as it may, you should always think about your soul mate, respect and love her, then the family will be strong and no quarrels will destroy it.

and. quarrel, disagreement, contention, quarrel, (quarrel), quarrel, enmity, goats, disagreements, discord, hostility, discord, nonsense; opposite sex peace, harmony, friendship, harmony. Quarrels and strife, quarrels and intrigues. Wherever he comes, he will start a quarrel. He is at odds with everyone. We are in a quarrel with him, we do not bow. Every quarrel of the world is washed down. Quarreling does not lead to good. Quarrel in his family before the first sight. Children for toys, queens (for them) in a quarrel. | See also litter and litter. Quarrelsome, relating to a quarrel. Quarrelsome, quarrelsome, quarrelsome, quarrelsome. -vost, property is. To quarrel with whom, to settle discord, to be the cause of someone's quarrel, disagreement, disagreement. - with whom, to reckon with, to scold, to quarrel, to cook, to discord, to be at enmity. God forbid to quarrel, but God forbid and put up! They quarreled over trifles. The whole family quarreled. We quarreled all evening. They quarreled and separated. Quarrel cf. action verbally, quarrel. A quarrel, a quarrel who quarrels others or generally excites, incites quarrels. And he sends to the prison, Vasily, led thieves and ears and quarrels, Acts.

There are many ways to avoid constant quarrels in a relationship, but do we always use such advice? Constant fights in a relationship are not normal. If you see that the quarrels do not stop, then you should take a look at the suggested ways to stop this eternal struggle and start enjoying each other's company again. Remember that most quarrels arise when there is a misunderstanding.

1. Don't bring up the past

This is a huge step, and you just need to learn it. I would say that this is a key point if you want to stop constant quarrels. Stop bringing up the past! The past is the past, and the more you remember, the more quarrels will arise. Memories often evoke a lot of old emotions, and this will never work well for our current relationship.

2. Don't leave questions unresolved

I know that this is difficult, and you have probably heard about it more than once, but until the problem is solved and you feel resentment or anger, you should not go to bed with these emotions. This can make both of you even more offended, and the quarrel will drag on for a long time. Why not solve the problem before going to bed, or at least talk about it so that both feel better?

3. Learn to accept each other

Everyone in this world has its own shortcomings that you will have to face and put up with some of them. You have to accept each other for who you are. Your boyfriend never comes home with a bouquet of flowers and your girlfriend is constantly whining, but this is something you need to learn to accept.

4. Find the root of the problem

Every quarrel has its beginning and its root. If you find out what is the reason for this quarrel, then you can solve this problem and get rid of unnecessary quarrels. It won't be easy, but it's worth it!

5. Own yourself

One of my biggest problems is that when I start arguing, I lose control of myself and can't stop. It's hard to admit you're wrong, or take the blame. However, do it at least once. After all, this is the right decision that will make your partner appreciate you even more.

6. Ban on "But"

“But if you did this”, “but if you did that”, enough of this “but”, remove it from your vocabulary and forget that it exists. I used to use this “but” very often, and as soon as I got rid of it, all the quarrels stopped lasting so long. So curb your tongue!

7. Is it a recurring "performance"?

This and the same question constantly pops up, and every time a quarrel is started? The same thing over and over again? You didn't think it was a sign? If your quarrel revolves around one specific issue, why not sit down and calmly discuss everything and stop constantly quarreling over the same issue forever?

8. Remember it's important

Finally, never forget that your relationship is very important and should be cherished. After all, you are together for a reason. It's hard to remember this when you're fighting, but it's so important!

Constant quarrels with a guy. Instruction

1. Stop fighting with your loved one is much easier than it might seem. For starters, take preventive measures. To stop arguing with a guy, learn how to have a constructive dialogue. Learn to listen and hear your loved one, as well as explain your position without getting personal, without giving vent to your emotions. Teach your boyfriend the same.

2. To stop fighting with a guy, be willing to compromise. It is impossible to have the same point of view on all issues, and the interests of lovers will not always coincide. Therefore, the search for a third option that will suit both lovers can be a good way out of any conflict situation.

3. Stop quarreling with your loved one, learning to discuss problems and compromise will be easier. But sometimes emotions literally overwhelm, not allowing you to think carefully about the strategy of behavior. If you're ready to lash out at your boyfriend, try to get your emotions under control. Try the deep slow breathing technique, count to ten. During this time, emotions will subside a bit, and you will be able to understand that a calm discussion will give you much more than shouting and mutual reproaches.

4. You can stop quarreling with a guy if you sometimes let him cool down. If you have learned to control your emotions, then your boyfriend may not have such a skill. If this is the case, and your loved one starts up "with a half turn", let him cool his ardor. Sometimes it is helpful to move the conversation to another topic. By letting go of emotions, you will be able to resolve your problems much more effectively.

5. To stop fighting with your loved one, learn to switch and joke around. Psychologists have proven that humor and aggression are incompatible. Once you start laughing, you will no longer be able to quarrel with each other. And when you calm down, you can move on to discussing the situation. Sometimes instead of humor, you can use tenderness and affection. No guy can resist such a weapon in female hands.

note

After some time of "correct" behavior, lovers get used to this order of things. If at first such communication is difficult, then, over time, you will be better able to use these skills in resolving your conflicts.

Helpful advice

If a fight does occur, apologize to each other. And after a while, try to solve the problem in a calm environment.

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Family life is rarely smooth. Quarrels, conflicts are found in any unions. However, when there are too many of them, this is an occasion to think that there are certain problems in a couple. And they must be addressed, otherwise the risk of divorce increases every day.

If you have constant quarrels with her husband, then it's time to think what to do. The problem didn't happen overnight. Dissatisfaction piled up. At first, these were probably minor disagreements: the toothpaste was not closed so well, the socks were in the middle of the room, he did not come on time. You might not even notice how normal relationships have moved to the stage of constant and daily conflicts.

Reasons for constant quarrels with her husband

Before looking for ways to solve the problem, it is necessary to find out why quarrels arise. The reasons are very different. The main ones are:

— Both spouses do not want to give up primacy to the other, hence the constant quarrels with her husband. Actually, by definition, the spouse should be the main one. But a woman often tries to stand her ground. Naturally, the husband resists.

— The complex nature of one of the partners. Excessive nervousness, conflict personality, inability to compromise - one of the reasons why there are constant scandals. A person simply provokes them, completely unaware of his behavior.

— Financial difficulties. Money quite often causes family disagreements. This can include: loans, senseless spending, disputes about purchases, vacations, savings, and more.

— Differences in the methods of raising children. This is a serious problem when one parent allows, the other forbids. Such quarrels primarily affect the child negatively.

— The period after the birth of a baby, when the family is going through a natural crisis. At the same time, a woman is often in a state of postpartum depression, which requires the help of a specialist.

— Jealousy. This is a negative feeling that violates the harmony in the human soul and is a provoking factor in scandals. Jealousy can be pathological - this is a property of character, and it must be fought. But in some cases, one of the partners, by their behavior, provokes negative feelings in the other intentionally. This is done for a variety of reasons: verification, revenge, personal pleasure.

Whatever the reason constant squabbles and quarrels with her husband, they need to be stopped as soon as possible if there is a desire to save the marriage.

How to stop fighting

This issue should be considered taking into account the individuality of each family. In some cases, the only way out is to disperse. However, such drastic measures are not always required. If you want to find a common language and improve relationships within the family, you can. To begin with, both spouses must be interested in the world. If one of the partners provokes conflicts intentionally, it means that he does not value the relationship and most likely has already made an important decision.

If constant quarrels with her husband are happening because of the rubbish then a woman just needs to find the strength in herself not to notice these little things. Difficult at first. Is a happy family life worth a showdown about who goes to take out the trash or why things are on the wrong shelf? Definitely not. A woman is able to show wisdom and tact. She can:

— Do everything yourself.

— Calmly ask, arguing why she cannot perform the action, but invites her husband to do it.

In any case, excessive emotions and screams should be avoided - they are only an additional catalyst. When a man is yelled at and trying to get him to do something, it causes the opposite resistance. As a result, the garbage is not taken out, the partners do not talk.

When in the family there are constant quarrels with the husband after the birth of a child , parents should think about the baby first. Everything that happens in the family affects its health and development. A man rarely takes a full part in the process of caring for an infant. Many of the representatives of the stronger sex of the newborn are even afraid. In addition, a man often feels left out, as the mother's attention is directed to the baby.

Asking a man to help and accustoming him to certain actions, if he does not want to do this, should be done gradually. You need to start with small and simple things. To begin with, you can ask to take a short walk with a stroller or look after the child while the woman takes care of herself or household chores. What is needed here is not a commanding tone, but a request. If the spouse openly refuses to participate in the upbringing, then it may be better if other family members act as an assistant.

If quarrels arose due to financial problems, this is an indicator that the family budget should be urgently reviewed. To do this, you will have to sit down at the negotiating table, plan expenses. You should not “cut” your husband if his salary is not high enough, according to his wife. This hits the husband's ego a lot, and he feels inferior.

If the husband left because of quarrels, what to do

The situation when the spouse could not stand it and still left is quite predictable. No one can withstand constant conflict, because everyone wants comfort and tranquility at home. If he has not yet found another woman, then everything can be fixed.

— Talk. Ask him to meet. It should be just a request, expressed in a calm tone.

— Tell me that you understand the cause of the conflict. Admit that you went too far and your nit-picking was too frequent. The conversation should be conducted in a friendly manner, without accusations and negative emotions.

— Offer to start all over again, while promising that there will be no conflicts on your part.

— Stick to promises. A man can say what he wants to think. In this case, you must behave calmly. Naturally, it is impossible to provoke conflicts in any case.

If due to constant quarrels, the husband left, this is a strong reason for a woman to think about her behavior and character traits. You will have to reconsider a lot in yourself, your actions, otherwise after a while the situation will repeat itself. But at the same time, the husband will leave completely. If you can’t cope with mood and increased irritability, then it is better to contact a psychologist. He will give advice on how to stop constant quarrels. If a woman has depression, then the psychologist will refer her to a specialist who, if necessary, will prescribe appropriate medications to alleviate the condition.

Family life is a constant work on both partners. There are two sides in an alliance. The wisdom of a woman is in the ability to compromise in order to preserve the integrity of the family.