What do men want in bed. How to Dominate a Man in Bed (Yes, He Wants It)
"Dominant" - what does it mean? Predominant, superior to others in something. The term is used both for animate objects and not. Most often it appears in the analysis of interpersonal relationships. However, it can also be used in other contexts and word forms.
"Dominant": what does it mean in a relationship?
As already noted, the word "dominant" most often refers to the role and position of one of the partners in a love (marriage) union. What is meant? For example, when the head of the family is the husband, and this is expressed in his making important decisions regarding the lives of all its members. In this case, he is dominant over his wife. And she (at least explicitly) agrees with the actions of her husband and fully places responsibility for her future on him.
The concept of "dominance" is still used to analyze the sexual sphere of a couple's life. For example, in bed, a partner behaves like an aggressor, she takes the initiative, thereby subordinating a man. Then they say that the wife dominates the husband. By the way, in modern families such a distribution of roles is a common phenomenon, and in many countries. Scientists have found that men are increasingly willing to give their spouses part of their responsibilities.
"Dominant": what is it in other phenomena
This term in the literature and emphasize the predominant property of something. For example, in economics there is such a thing as "dominant enterprise". From the context, one can guess that this organization has certain advantages in the process of operation and management.
Also, the word "dominant" can mean the predominance of:
- any one color in the general range;
- taste in a culinary dish;
- mood in society;
- trends in fashion, politics;
- gene;
- male in the wild, etc.
"Dominate": what it is and how it is expressed in relationships
Let's return to the question because it is much more interesting and more relevant for all people. By the way, it is possible to dominate not only in the “man-woman” union, but also in the tandems “girlfriend-girlfriend”, “friend-friend”, “brother-brother”, etc. The one who has the leading role in the relationship will dominate. In this case, the other partner will be in a lower position. Almost always, such a distribution occurs due to specific human qualities of a person. That is, dominant people are those who have the characteristics of a leader. They are characterized by maturity, the ability to make decisions, be responsible for their consequences, the ability to plan. It is clear that they have a stronger and more stable psycho-emotional constitution in comparison with other people.
"Dominant": what does it mean in a family
Quite often there are families where the wife dominates the husband. In such an alliance, even if she does not pursue a career, but sits at home, she completely manages his affairs, telling him how to advance in the service, with whom to communicate, etc. In addition, she dictates how to spend leisure time, how to spend the family budget. Often, a demonstration of power takes place in public: a wife can afford insults and humiliation of her husband in the presence of strangers. True, they always have a question about what kind of a man he is, if he suffers this. But a one-sided judgment here is an ungrateful thing. No wonder they say that a husband and wife are one Satan.
“There is no such married man who would not dream of becoming a bachelor for at least an hour,” said the character of one famous old film. In the same way, there is no such man, let him be at least 100 times an intellectual and 1000 times an intellectual, who would not dream of turning into a wild and unbridled animal for a while.
Why do men like hard sex, doggy style and other paraphernalia of rough copulation so much? Psychologists name at least 5 reasons why men like to dominate in bed so much.
ATTRACT THE LADY. It's no secret that girls like bad boys and women like brutal machos. Therefore, many men try to seem tougher and rougher. To see a real man in him. And they are largely right. During intimacy, animal instincts take over, and often a woman wants to see a male in her partner. According to psychologists, every second woman in her erotic fantasies imagines a scene of rape, sex with her hands tied, or herself as a sex slave.
Of course, this does not mean that they are ready to make their sexual dreams come true. But most women agree that the most striking and memorable in their lives was just passionate, unbridled sex. These are exactly those moments when the excitement was brought to an extreme point, and emotions went off scale.
INTRODUCING DIVERSITY TO THE INTIMATE SPHERE. So that the flame of passion does not turn into a marital duty, it is necessary to regularly introduce a touch of novelty into your sexual relationship. And here you can not do without the extreme that excites the imagination.
Knowing this, many experienced and skilled men go for experiments. Some moderate rigidity and rudeness in sex, which does not bring pain and discomfort, will make marital relations more vivid, interesting and desirable.
METHOD OF SELF-AFFIRMATION. Often, matriarchy reigns in modern families: women confidently walk up the career ladder, take a more active social and life position than the representatives of the stronger sex. And sometimes a man feels slighted.
And in order to show who is the boss in the house, he chooses rough sex as a way of self-affirmation. Moreover, the second half, as a rule, does not mind, because it is in families where a woman pulls a lot on herself and gets tired of responsibility, she wants to be weak in bed. Therefore, dominance in sex as a way of self-affirmation is quite appropriate, but it is hardly possible to earn the respect of a spouse only in this way.
COMPENSATE FOR LACK OF EXPERIENCE IN LOVE MATTERS. Alas, not every man can compare himself in terms of experience and skill in bed with Casanova. Many self-confident representatives of the stronger sex take this calmly. But for some, the fame of a super-lover haunts. According to them, a skilled man in bed should be rude and brutal. They show it to their partners.
And it really works, but... the main thing here is not to overdo it. If the extreme in a relationship is within reason, a lady may really decide that her boyfriend is a real sex guru. But not many young ladies will like excessive rudeness and cruelty.
ACHIEVE THE PEAK OF SEXUAL ENJOYMENT. As already mentioned, the most passionate and memorable, both for men and women, is precisely wild animal sex. Why is this happening? When both in a couple surrender to their natural instincts, they do not bother with how they look, what they do wrong, and what their partner will think of them. This allows you to just relax and enjoy.
As a result, both get more vivid sensations during the process and an enchanting orgasm. Although practicing such relationships too often is also not worth it - they will lose their novelty, brightness and a sense of extreme. Therefore, we remember the main rule: the best sex is a variety of sex. Have a boring night!
It's hard to imagine what a super lover she is. After all, everyone has different tastes and preferences. But, perhaps, all the women whom men call "their most exciting adventure in life" have something in common.
1 self love
For various reasons, many women are convinced that the main thing in bed is physical perfection. Fortunately, this is not at all the case: when a man is excited, he does not notice any extra hairs or kilograms. But what really can drive him crazy is the attitude of the partner to the same hairs, kilograms, shapes and other natural data.
When a woman demonstrates love for her body, enjoying her own nakedness and at the same time does not focus on the flaws of the figure and is not ashamed of herself, then every self-respecting gentleman will enroll such a mistress in the “best”. And if she does not cover herself with a blanket and does not reach for the switch - even more so.
2 Looseness
The ability to receive pleasure is the main and main trump card of the best mistresses. However, many women are afraid of losing control over themselves, as a result of which they deprive both themselves and their partner of true pleasure.
A lover who is able to completely liberate herself both physically and emotionally will certainly be remembered by a man for life.
She is not afraid to ask him to do this and that, she is not shy about screaming, she does not doubt her sexuality. And what is important - she stops her partner in time if his actions are unpleasant to her. Here there is not only physical exposure, but also sensual exposure: if you want to swear in bed, scream, scratch, go crazy - this is only your plus.
3 Inclusion in the process
Imagine a pianist playing an amazing emotional piece. Now imagine that he does this with an absent, stony face ... Women do the same, who during sex are thinking anywhere, but not in the bedroom. And it seems that the man is trying, but at this time they are busy counting the cracks on the ceiling or thinking about the unturned faucet in the kitchen.
A good lover is completely different. She exists in bed "here and now", is in close psychological and emotional contact with a man, reacts to every caress, responds to any movement. She is absorbed in the process from the tips of her hair to the tips of her nails. Her head is turned off, only her senses and body work. (Like that same pianist, when he moves to the beat of the music, focusing on the sounds of the instrument.) It is impossible to forget such a woman.
4 Emotionality
In many areas of life, most men can hardly tolerate vivid female emotions, but the bed is an exception. When a woman expresses her feelings through facial expressions, for a lover, this means that he is really good at intimate matters and gives her pleasure.
It must be understood that the level of sexual prowess in men is closely related to self-esteem. For them, there is no clearer evidence of their own irresistibility than the expressed feelings of a partner.
It is known that when concubines were selected for the Sultan's harem, preference was given to girls with a fiery temperament: they resisted, screamed, swore - they fought with circumstances, and did not put up with fate. It was this inner passion that made them so desirable.
Do you want to know intimate details about your new chosen one? Take a closer look at the socks that a man chooses!
5 Power given to him
The vast majority of the representatives of the stronger sex are dominant in bed. This does not mean at all that they love role-playing games that allow them to demonstrate their power.
However, virtually all men, with rare exceptions, prefer to be the leader, to play the "first game" in the sexual game.
Many ladies do not understand this and try to compete with men in intimate matters. They take on the role of an active partner: “Come on like this!”, “But this should be done differently!” Of course, all men love a hot initiative. But control and an attempt to impose one's will - almost no one.
Well, and most importantly, what makes every woman the best lover is the ability to be herself completely and completely, without focusing on externally imposed standards. This woman is forever etched in my memory.
Tanya TaBu - "unformatted" mistress, practicing intelligent dominance - will tell you how to competently transform into a dominatrix and arrange an unforgettable home BDSM session with femdom elements for a boyfriend or husband.Reading the article will take 14 minutes.
How to tame a man?
It just so happened that in the post-Soviet society there is a stereotype that a man is a stronger sex, so a man must be a leader, must take responsibility, must resolve issues, must stand at the helm of the boat of love.Women expect that they will be the first to get acquainted with them, invite them on dates, and of course, most dream of a male who will come-see-win: he will rake her in an armful with his wide palms of a Canadian lumberjack, crush her under him and drown her in an abyss of passion.
The vast majority of girls like it when a partner dominates in bed.
I will reveal one secret: a man is also a man. And in the depths of his soul he wants at least sometimes not to decide anything, he wants to take his hands and that pretty collar over there. Well, or at least for a while as part of a role-playing game, transfer control to the lead partner, trust and relax.
What if one day your two-meter and bearded friend, in a hoarse bass from excitement, asks to spank him or, even worse, fuck him, switching roles?
Most importantly, don't make an overly surprised face and certainly don't think of calling him a pervert.
If your partner has found the courage in himself, then he trusts you very much. Appreciate it and do everything possible so that your reaction does not cause psychological trauma to a person for the rest of your life.
Femdom Myths: Femdom Clothes and Slave Torment
Our society is still full of misconceptions and stereotypes about the BDSM topic, popularly referred to as "sadomaso". Hearing the word “mistress”, most people vividly imagine something like this: an evil aunt with war paint, dressed in leather shorts and over the knee boots to the very “yoke”, rides a goner with a gag in his mouth, shouting loudly and actively cheering him on with a leather whip.
I hasten to shed light on the dense jungle of numerous prejudices.
The main thing is not what you are wearing, but your charisma, behavior, the energy that you broadcast. Your imagination, confidence and ability to lead a partner.
Femdom clothing can be completely different: vintage outfit, even regular jeans and a T-shirt. How many people, so many opinions and tastes. Someone likes it like from German adult films, while someone prefers naturalness and playing with contrasts.
Agree, it's so interesting when a girl- caramel-vanilla honey in homemade pajamas, and at the same time famously gives orders.
However, if the image of the fatal mistress haunts you or it is easier for you to get used to the desired role - to your health. Fortunately, there are now a huge variety of outfits for every taste, and many of the items of clothing for a homegrown dominatrix can be found not only in sex shops, but also in ordinary clothing stores (leggings, bodysuits with the “under the skin” effect, tight swimsuits and leggings from lycra, wardrobe items with a decor in the form of a grid, lacing, with lacquered inserts).
In passing games, it is not necessary to inflict pain or use physical force. And if you still want to try something from the category of “hurt me”, then there are many ways to make the pain easy, pleasant and safe for the health and psyche of your partner.
How to become a mistress: instructions
Nipple play
It is not necessary to use or clothespins, as more advanced users do. You can gently torture your partner's nipples with your fingers, controlling the degree of compression. No need to immediately grab and twist them, as if trying to find the right radio station: everyone has a different pain threshold, and this must be taken into account.
It will be very appropriate to alternate painful effects with affection. Gentle whispers in your ear and frank comments will also help smooth out the pain and give it a completely different color.
Wax games
For the most part, it is pleasant rather than painful. Choose unscented candles without dyes to minimize the risk of allergic skin reactions. Now in almost any adult toy store you can find special ones with a low melting point.Massage oil, which is formed as such a candle burns, pleasantly warms the skin without causing discomfort, and is perfect for erotic massage. The melting point of such a candle is 50 degrees. This ensures that the drops do not burn, but are still hot enough for the partner to enjoy the bright sensations on the verge.
Whipping (flagellation)
In order for your husband or young man to feel like a helpless toy in the hands of a strict mistress, you do not have to shackle him or tie him with ropes on a bed in the shape of a starfish. And I certainly do not recommend using a belt from his pants, my mother's rolling pin or other improvised means.
For proper spanking, which can give a pleasant feeling of warmth due to the rush of blood to the skin and the release of endorphins to the brain, it is advisable to use professional devices made of bamboo or rattan.
This is a practice that requires at least a minimum knowledge of physiology and safety precautions, therefore, if you are just discovering this forbidden world, try to start with slaps with your palm on soft tissues: buttocks, outer and inner thighs. You can lightly slap your partner in the nipple area, and also try light blows with the inside and back of your hand on the cheeks.
Restriction of mobility (bondage)
There are many different ways to immobilize a partner: metal with a key, on arms and legs, leather harnesses and belts, which can also be used as a fetish accessory just for aesthetic pleasure, a straitjacket (yes, they are also sold specifically for medical-themed BDSM games), bondage bags and vacuum beds. And there is such a thing as mummification - wrapping the body with cling film (or a special wide tape).
If the partner is sitting, you can fix his hands behind his back, and his legs at the ankles. If during the game you plan to lay him on his back, his hands should be tied in front.
Putting on the eyes of an immobilized partner, you will get a complete sensory deprivation. This will make your husband or boyfriend feel helpless without compromising his sense of security. The restriction of vision and movement will exacerbate his tactile and auditory sensations at times. I think you can figure out how to use it!
Scenario BDSM session for beginners: slave and mistress
There can be many varieties of submissiveness (a tendency to submit), I will help you understand the nuances and understand what exactly your partner needs and whether it suits you."Gallant page" or "obedient boy"
Some are born with certain inclinations or form preferences due to their character and temperament. Example: a gallant young man from a young age loved to communicate with girls, looked after them, he had a positive example of the relationship between his parents before his eyes.
In adulthood, he also extols the image of a Woman and loves and knows how to be courteous. Such a chair will push back, and kiss the hand. This guy may be close and desirable to the idea of playing service and pageism, namely, pleasing his beautiful lady in all available ways.
Often, this type of female dominance lovers has an attraction to female feet and fingers - footfetishism.
This type of subject likes to massage women's legs, care for them, kiss and even sniff. It can be either completely innocent courtship without sexual overtones, or a way of obtaining sexual pleasure through contact with this part of the body.
Try to take the initiative, make a man your executive sex toy. Feel free to lead, point and command. You will be surprised how nice it is.
A lot of men just go crazy from the fact that they are unceremoniously used. Sometimes they discover it completely unexpectedly for themselves!
"We all come from childhood"
I will not go into psychological subtleties now, I will give just a couple of examples. While playing, the girls attacked the boys, fought with them, took them prisoner, where they teased and mocked in every possible way. Awkward situations in kindergarten and school, associated with physical influences, mixed with a sense of shame and pleasure - all this can leave “anchors” that pass into adulthood and connect the feeling of shame and arousal with an inextricable thread. This is manifested by an underlying desire to periodically experience awkward sensations or moral pressure from outside. If your boyfriend is turned on by a sense of shame, various ones can come to the rescue, as long as there is enough imagination."Masochist"
If your boyfriend does not ask you to beat his eggs until he turns blue or flog him to bloody marks, then I don’t see anything wrong with experiments with sensitivity.Now quite often there are training seminars and master classes on spanking, bondage and other BDSM practices. If you are ready to meet your partner halfway, then you can study the materiel and practice together.
If your partner turned out to be a lover of extreme practices like strangulation, games with a knife and needles, and you are not ready to take responsibility for his life and health (or you simply do not like such entertainment), you have the right to tell him frankly about it. It is better for such guys to seek the realization of their submissiveness among experienced like-minded people in specialized BDSM communities.
"Baby Surprise Me" or "Adventurer"
Everything is clear and safe here. The guy just wants variety and vivid sensations. Maybe he saw some videos on the topic of female dominance, maybe he read something that aroused his curiosity.
Now, when the topic of fetishes and BDSM is not taboo (and even), such interest is fully justified. Perhaps he will try various practices and realize that this is not at all for him. Perhaps together you will find in this variety of physical and psychological influences something that will please both of you.
mistress slave strapon
And the last, and at the same time a very common subspecies of men who like the idea of transferring control and initiative, I will call "Naughty ass."
And no need to roll your eyes, dear readers. I will not stop repeating that this has nothing to do with non-traditional orientation.
Men have a prostate - this is a well-known fact. Her stimulation is useful - everyone knows that too. It also brings a very, very pleasant sensation and greatly enhances the sensation of orgasm!
It will be like nothing else, strong waves of pleasure that will follow one after another. Do you know how intimate and confidential it is?
Imagine what power you can get over your brutal if you find this magic button and learn how to use it correctly!
It is not necessary to immediately use a strapon (a dildo attached to the hips, or) or large anal toys. You can start with one finger, gently massaging your partner from the inside, or you can try in soft silicone.
The sex industry provides an incredible variety of devices to unlock this male "potential": different sizes and shapes, butt plugs (including or effect).
Play with the male booty gently and carefully, playing the role of a caring nurse who conducts an examination. Or, on the contrary, be a daring rapist who has captured the unfortunate boy and does whatever she pleases with him.
When should you contact a professional mistress?
Alas, I know many cases when guys and men of different ages, who have (beloved!) girls and wives, are forced to seek the realization of their desires on the side, with professional dominatrixes, just because they are afraid of being misunderstood or rejected.
It also happens that a girl tries to please her partner to play the role of the Lady, but it comes out of her without a twinkle.
Look for compromises. In my practice, there are cases when girls and wives periodically "gave" their beloved a session with a professional domino. Sometimes they themselves were present at the same time, sharing emotions with him as an observer, sometimes they were not.
The classic relationship of a professional dominatrix with a lower partner (slave) excludes sexual contact in the usual sense.
Therefore, we can call it short-term psycho-body therapy.
BDSM is not about pain, but about trust, patience, getting out of the comfort zone, fighting your fears, the opportunity to be someone completely different than in your usual life. And for a man, femdom is an opportunity to try on a new role, to sink to the very bottom under the strict control of the mistress and soar, being reborn.
It is very likely that your man is no exception and also craves women's initiative. This at least broadens your horizons in the bedroom and gives you more ideas about what you can do there. If you're ready to learn, here are four tips for mastering the basic skills of dominating a man in bed.
1. In dominance, the physical and psychological aspects are important.
The first thing that comes to mind when you think about dominance in bed is ropes, handcuffs, whips. This is certainly fun, but not always necessary, and even more extreme side of dominance.
There are more subtle and more powerful ways to show dominance. Ranging from a simple “I really like it when you do this to me…” to a more convincing tone and words like “Now I will decide when you come”.
But this is only the verbal aspect of dominance. Not without the physical, of course. You can start with light slaps, or insist on exclusively cowgirling, or more aggressively cowgirling on his face for oral sex.
2. Start in a dominant sex position.
This is the easiest way to show your dominance in bed - with the help of new sex positions. Instead of the traditional missionary and doggy style, when a man is on top or in control, try changing positions to those in which you are on top. This is again a rider, or when a man is sitting on a bed or a chair, and you are on him - in this position it is especially difficult for him to do anything else and he is completely under your control.
3. Take command.
The biggest problem when dominating a man is the risk that he will feel like he is being deprived of something masculine. He may not like it and will try to regain his dominance. To prevent this, you just need to do everything slowly and gradually increase the degree of your dominant behavior.
Just say what you want first, in the form of a request, then in the form of a proposal, and then in the form of orders. For example, first “Could you take out the garbage?”, then “I would like me to come first, and then you, okay?”, And then already “I want to spend the weekend with you, don’t make any plans, okay? » or “I want you to never wear that awful t-shirt again,” or “From now on, you have to ask me to let you cum when we have sex.” If he reacts badly to such words, it is better to step back a bit and try again later.
4. Games of dominance.
The above phrases are indeed a little harsh, and if you just want to have some fun and dominate in the bedroom, try the following games.
Not a sound: during sex, tell him you want to play a game. Tell him that you will make him want to moan with pleasure, but that he cannot make a sound. A very simple game, but the perfect way to introduce him to the idea of your dominance.
Link it: physical restrictions for a man are very exciting. Just tie his hands over his head and do what you see fit.
Most importantly, remember that it is better to discuss all your ideas and experiments with a man first;)
