How to leave home forever. How to leave home? The financial side of the issue
Hello, my name is Sergey, I am 12 years old. I want to run away from home because I can no longer live with my parents. This week I did not go to school for 3 days (I am in the 6th grade).
And when my parents come, my mother will scold me and beat me with a belt, I’m sure of this, this is not the first time!
What do I need to do and take something to leave home and start a new life??
Rate:
Sergey, age: 12/12/11/2014
Responses:Hello Sergey! Your feelings are very clear to me. Many of us at the same age as you have experienced something similar. It is not easy, very difficult, to be in obedience. Generally in obedience, not
only the parents. We see many things in a different way, different from the point of view of the elders (or the main ones). And it is at this time, SO I want understanding, acceptance and help from the closest and dearest
of people.
You just need to understand this.
New life. In a sense, this is good! But WHAT exactly, in your understanding, relates to this and HOW will you realize this new life? For example, it’s elementary for you, you will need to live somewhere. At
Do you have such a place? For housing, as well as for the food that you will have to eat, for the clothes that you will dress in, you need to pay something. Do you have funds? YOU will live alone and have
You will definitely have some other obligations (to go to school, to work, etc.) Will you be able to organize yourself? Establish your own regime, perform assigned tasks on time (adult or
independent life without it is impossible)?
Here are a few questions that you should have clear answers to first. After all, you are making a fateful decision - you, as a man, must understand all the consequences of your step
and BE READY for them!
But in addition to having the right direction for your actions, YOU must clearly understand whether your parents are right in the demands that they put forward to you and, sometimes, fulfillment
which are achieved by all means possible for them (up to non-pedagogical ones, a belt, for example)? Are you 100% sure that your parents are wrong? Why do you think so? Do you know
100% HOW should it be right?
Answer all these questions for yourself. If you are at a loss, find a good Orthodox priest and ask him (just such a person will be able to give you the correct answer. I know this)
And in conclusion, I will tell you my story.
Around your age, I also wanted to leave home. My parents did not understand me, they beat me (and not only with a belt, although I am a girl), they forced me to do what I did not want and did not consider necessary. AND
NOBODY, you hear NOBODY, understood me. NO aunts, no uncles, no grandmother, no grandfather, but only demanded and demanded their own. HOW I WAS TIRED OF THIS!!! I had various complexes on this
soil (uncertainty and all that). At that time I was not a believer and did not even know that many things could be decided differently, in the light of the Orthodox faith! And I ran away from home (so I wanted freedom),
albeit not for long (on my return I was punished again). So years have passed... Now I am 36 years old. At the age of 20, I learned the light of the Orthodox faith and the Love of God! Having studied and accepted the Orthodox view of
the existence of a person on this earth, I LONG, VERY long eradicated resentment towards my parents, grandfather, grandmother, aunts, uncles. For what they did in their time towards me. AND
Now I can firmly say that with God's help I was able to do it! I realized that even though they did wrong things (beat me, scolded me, etc.), they COULD NOT act differently!!!
They DID NOT KNOW HOW! After all, almost no one teaches us the right (from the point of view of God), and people adapt and live as best they can! And when I REALIZED this, I felt that in addition to resentment
(which lay on the surface of my heart), LOVE and UNDERSTANDING live in me for all my close people - dad, mom, grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles. After all, it is not easy for them, and not all of them even
true believers...
And God will ask me, HOW I coped with the difficulties encountered on my way? Have I always acted correctly in relation to those close to me and those around me? And these questions are
still rise in my mind at those moments when I want to be offended or offended by people ...
I wish you, Sergey, to understand today or tomorrow, but do you want to choose the right path? And be confident in your answer and ready to be responsible for all the consequences that follow your decision!
God help you!
Assistant, age: 36 / 11/17/2014
Hello, Sergey!
I understand that you are having a hard time and your mom is doing the wrong thing, but leaving home is not the best solution to your problem.
Think for a second, when you leave home, what's next? Will you go to another city to beg? There are two options here, the first one will be noticed by the police and after a while they will send you
home, what next think you can imagine. The second one will fall under the control of "bad people", and here there are many options from sexual use to participation in crimes, not one
option does not bode well. Even if everything goes more or less and you stay alive and well, imagine yourself at 18. No education, you don’t know how, you can either work
a janitor, or a handyman, you can’t start a family, you can’t buy your own home. Basically no future.
Of course, you can hope that along the way you will meet a good person and help you arrange your life. But believe me, the chances of this are very small, a little more than relying on aliens,
who will come and rescue you.
When I was your age, I also thought about leaving home. But at first I thought I needed a passport first. Then I thought that I need to get an education so that I can earn
yourself for life. And every time I was offended, I only tried harder to study better in order to finish school faster and better, go to university and go to another city. And this
It worked. Now I am very glad that God stopped me and I did not leave home anywhere.
I advise you to follow the same path. Yes, this path is much more difficult than just taking it and leaving in the hope that everything will work itself out. But this path has a future (checked), just leaving home is
way to even bigger problems.
I wish you patience and wisdom. God bless you!
Alexander, age: 29 / 11/17/2014
Sergey, while you are a minor, you cannot live separately. The only option is an orphanage.. But I don't think that's the way out. In your case, as long as you remain completely dependent on your
parents, one should choose the path of a diplomat. It is worth reconciling with the situation, you will not fix your mother. You shouldn't rebel. You need to go to school, the better education you get, the easier it is in life
will be with work and money, and this already makes it possible to start an independent life faster. But. If you do not go to school for some reason, for example, you are offended there or if the situation with
punishment with a belt is critical, then you should contact a psychologist at school or you can call the unified all-Russian "helpline" for children.
Anya, age: 25 / 11/18/2014
No need to stay at home
Kirill, age: 9 / 26.12.2015
Hello Seryozha!
I understand your troubles with me in the same way, but I don’t run away from home, I kept thinking about it, but still I decided I don’t want to be a homeless person! I love my family. Yes, my mother wanted to send me to children
house then I definitely wanted to run away but changed my mind. And right now I live well because I began to endure!
I advise you to stay at home and obey and everything will be fine! Kiss. God bless you!!!
Lera, age: 07/11/02/2016
Bad business, Sergunya. Better go to school and more or less obey. At the age of 12, they will not take you anywhere, because you are small. Hang on for four more years.
Lilya, age: 09/17/2016
Hello, Sergey!
Believe me, I understand you very much and I also want to escape from my home... but I never decide on this, because where should I live, how to eat and what to wear!
If you run away from home, you can end up in an orphanage, I understand you that it is difficult to live under the rule of elders, I have a younger sister and through her fault they scold me and beat me, they say that they don’t
they like to say other children are better than you now I am writing this and I have tears because I also endure it sometimes I want to grow up as soon as possible and leave here!
Read carefully and never think about it! LIFE CAN GO TO EMPTY AND WE HAVE THE ONLY ONE! I wish you to understand yourself and never suffer! BELIEVE IN GOD HE WILL LISTEN TO YOU!!!
Karina, age: 10/02.10.2016
Sergey!!! I advise you not to run anywhere. The FSB will find you anyway.
I myself ran almost sent to my grandfather's house.
Anonymous Anonymous Anonymovich, age: 11/01/07/2017
Seryoga, live with them until you are 18, and then leave. It doesn’t matter where to start a new life, the main thing is not to lie on the couch, but to achieve.
Tool , age: 04/14/2017
For example, I left my parents more than once and nothing good came of it. I advise you not to conflict with your parents and endure to the last. To start a life without parents in this crazy world, you need
great willpower and courage. You should not leave your parents at least until the age of majority, and then do as you see fit and do not rush! I was assigned to a madhouse 8 times and this is not the limit. There are lonely people who
they will never come out of madhouses, that is, they lie for life ... Why do you need this? Don't run and forget. Here's my advice.
d31221 , age: 34 / 06/24/2017
I understand you I have the same situation I want to leave home too but I can't They will find me!!!
Anna, age: 08/12/2017
My name is Veronica, I'm sick of everything! My parents fight all the time! I can't live like this anymore!!! And I want to leave home
Veronika, age: 10/12/2017
How can I leave home? My name is Dasha, I’m 10 years old, my mother doesn’t notice me at all, like I’m gone and always screams at me. When I go to bed, I cry into the pillow because I’m so tired of living that no one loves me, it started then I turned 10 mom makes me go to karate but I don't want I want to go to music school dad doesn't live with us
I want to leave home or kill myself. I'm tired of living. No one supports me, no one communicates with me, no one will talk to me until I myself come up. My parents don't respect me, they curse me, they yell at me. My health has already deteriorated from screaming and quarrels, my nerves can not stand it. The people and environment around me depresses me. Life has ceased to make sense, it seems to me that if I die, no one will notice. Every day is like hard labor, nothing new, fun, only sadness and a lump in my soul. Permanent depression. Everyone says that no one needs me, that I will not achieve anything in life, and when I achieve something, nothing changes. Help!
Support the site:
Maxim, age: 14/25.06.2017
Responses:
Maxim, don’t despair, you still have everything ahead, you are still a young and strong guy, everything is in your hands, don’t listen to anyone, go ahead, raise your head and go forward, to success and happiness, don’t despair, everything depends only on yourself, you yourself should want...
SuicideNo# , age: 06/23/2017
Maxim, this is just a transitional age, and this makes it seem that no one loves, they don’t pay attention, the mood is depressed, apathy, etc. Believe me, as time goes by, you yourself will be surprised at your current state. Find hobbies, hobbies, a part-time job, so as not to be bored at home. Everything will get better with time. Good luck!
Irina, age: 29 / 26.06.2017
Hello Maxim. It's great that despite the lack of support, you still achieve victories. And what everyone says is not true. Even if they really say everything. They are people, not the Lord God, how would they know what will happen?
Try to get distracted for now, spend more time outdoors, in the park, in nature. Perhaps communication can be found on the Internet, according to common interests, for example. I understand you, I had little communication at school, in the future at school and work the situation has changed dramatically, do not make hasty conclusions. Maybe you should try yourself in some kind of social events - garbage collection in parks / forests, tourist rallies. Such things are very curative of depression, and organize a new social circle.
Good luck to you and new victories!
Gata , age: 32 / 26.06.2017
Hello Maxim!
It's good that you wrote here and decided to talk about your problems. Feel free to talk about it not only on the Internet, but also in real life. Try talking about your difficulties to relatives or the school psychologist.
You don't have to run away from home. If you don't have any relatives to go to, please don't.
Maxim, don't think about suicide! You have the opportunity to build your own happy life, and after death you can’t fix anything.
Ekaterina, age: 25/26.06.2017
Maxim, and you just stop expecting someone to speak, someone to support, etc. You are not small enough) to speak on your own, to support someone yourself, to help. Try it - you will see that you will be perceived differently. People respect those who themselves can do something for others.
Igor, age: 06/23/2017
Hey Maxim, hi. Don't even think about suicide, because this world is perfect, yes, people are not perfect, parents, acquaintances, but trust me. Why are you listening to these people, why? in spite of them, achieve your goals, dream, strive, do not give up. I am also a teenager and I understand you. Stop depressing, please. After all, if you die, your parents will feel very bad, your friends. Your opinion is wrong. I hope I've helped you in some way and I ask you please don't do anything to yourself.
Lina, age: 06/14/2017
Hi, Maxim! I sympathize with you very much. Just don't despair. I know how hard it can be from misunderstanding and insults. you need to change something in your behavior. I advise you, in order not to feel lonely, start caring for someone. Then you will begin to feel the meaning of life. Try to get some part-time job for the summer to dispel depression. on your parents, it’s better to always forgive them. It will make life easier for you. Perhaps they are just tired or they have some problems. Or maybe they express their concern for you in this way. The reasons may be different, but no matter what they tell you , they love you anyway. So pay attention to them, and your relatives will respond in the same way) Smooth out quarrels as much as possible and take care of your health. How about going somewhere to rest if you are so tired of the reality around you?
If you do not have enough support, then look for it, many people are ready to help you) And you are well done for writing here. Everyone has difficult periods in life, but suicide does not solve our problems. Always remember that when it is hard for you, you can turn to God) The Lord will never leave you and will always help, just ask Him for help more often) I wish you to find the meaning of life, more patience and strength, good family relationships, academic success, good health, always good mood, happiness, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best! Hold on, God will help you! Guardian Angel!
Anastasia, age: 19/30.06.2017
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First, you need to stock up on everything you need.
1. Food
Bring along some bread, butter or peanut butter, some cookies and a bar of milk chocolate (don't eat chocolate all at once, eat one piece every couple of months).
2.Money
You will need money if all food resources or others are also important.
If you are under 14 years old, then you need to save up at least 1,000 rubles. If you are 14 or older, then you can find a job, and take 2 times less with you.
3. Clothes.
Take stocks of clothes with you in advance, and with it a thread and a needle in a separate box. I think there is no need to explain anything here.
4.Self-defense
Take something with you to protect yourself from any goats who want to kill or rape you. You can take a kitchen knife.
5.Treatment
Gather a first aid kit in case you get injured (except for minor scratches)
6.Other
If you are a teenage girl, that is, if you are over 10 years old and you are a girl and you are wearing makeup, then be sure to take powder, corrector and mascara with you so that you are not mistaken for a fugitive. Also take a comb and hair ties.
If you are a guy then just take a comb.
Now you are financially prepared, let's move on to escape.
1. If you have winter now, wait for spring and warm days.
You probably do not want to freeze in the first days of the escape, and if you run away in pursuit of death, you can not do all this and stop reading.
2. Wait for the moment when everyone falls asleep.
When everyone is asleep, start gathering outside, dress well, wash your face and comb your hair (girls, you still need to make up -)
3. Run.
Now slowly leave the house and close the doors so that your absence is not immediately noticed.
Now go outside and go to the bus stop.
4. Bus.
Wait for the bus and leave immediately to the terminal.
Congratulations, you escaped and it’s not so easy to find you now. Of course, it’s advisable for you to go to another nearby city so that they won’t be found for sure.
SURVIVE
1. Find a secluded place to live.
I will help you choose.
You need to find a good, preferably a crowded place and find a corner where people will not look. Most likely, no one will find you in the opening at the high-rise building. If you have taken unnecessary things and a lot of cotton wool, sew a pillow.
2. Be prepared in advance that homeless people can rob you.
Hide your money and weapons well, otherwise serious problems await you.
3. Spare seat.
You need a second, more secluded corner in case you are almost found. If the search for your parents is almost successful, do not immediately think about moving there.
I’m 14 years old, I’m in a prosperous family, but I often quarrel with my parents ... I don’t have more strength, I want to leave home, I don’t need to write like “this is your age, don’t, mom loves you” I know! I want freedom, I don’t want to depend on anyone! I want to live alone, literally when someone comes into my room I start to get mad, I don’t even go out into the kitchen when someone is sitting there, everyone pisses me off, I would like to live separately for at least a month, refresh head, but damn it, where will I go? Summer, all my friends have left. I just have no strength ...
Rate:
Alina, age: 06/14/2012
Responses:I want, I want, I want ... It all sounds very capricious. Do not be angry, but get up in the morning at 5 am and go for a walk and think about yourself. In general, I think it’s not easy for your family to be with you. Go out to the kitchen to wash the dishes behind you, don’t be offended, but your relatives somehow dismissed you very much.
Olga, age: 51 / 06/23/2012
Hello Alina!
My name is Tina, I'm twice your age and, like many other people in my teens, I had problems with mutual understanding with my parents.
You write that you want freedom, you want independence, that you don't need to write about your age.
But what is freedom? What are you interested in freedom from? From parents? From duties? But I understand that you do not have much responsibility. It seems that you are used to getting everything from life, the world at your feet and so on and so forth.
If you want to become free and independent, then, first of all, formulate for yourself how this should be expressed. After all, the right task is 90% success. Next: it's summer, get a job, earn by YOURSELF, feed yourself by YOURSELF, dress yourself by YOURSELF. Freedom for parental money, this is not freedom, right?;)
If you really want to leave home, go on some kind of expedition with the same Restavros, for example, or the Common Cause.
In addition, you must formulate for yourself what exactly infuriates and annoys you in relations with your parents. And if you are already claiming freedom, then in an adult way, talk about it with your parents. Perhaps when they realize that you have a head on your shoulders, they will treat you differently, they will point less. If you just stand in a pose and are unable to argue with them, then, of course, in anxiety for you, they clutch their heads. The topic you touched on is extremely deep and complex. But in 2 words, I have already given you practical advice.
And finally ... if you at least respect Christianity, then listen to the Savior. Our loved ones expose our spiritual wounds. The problem is always with us, not with others. People often act as instruments in the hands of God, and you must understand that through your loved ones the Lord teaches you and calls you to Himself.
All the best to you, dear girl, and God help you!
Tina, age: 28 / 25.06.2012
Alina, relationships with parents are not always easy. And your age, indeed, is such when you want a little more independence, but your parents may not allow it. Many parents, especially mothers, sometimes worry too much about their children. But let's try to forgive them this property? Agree, they did so much for you, they forgave you so much! The best way to resolve all conflicts and omissions is to have a calm, polite conversation with your parents about what you would like. Maybe they will not immediately hear you and understand, but, believe the experience of many, kindness, attentiveness and calmness work wonders. And try not only to prove your case, but also listen to the advice of your parents, try to put yourself in their place.
And you can really leave for a while to put your thoughts in order. At the same time, you will miss your parents so much!;) Go to a summer camp for children or visit relatives or good friends. Just leave without a quarrel, just say: "Mom-dad, I really want to go to the seaside camp!" or "I haven't seen my second cousin for so long, I want to visit her."
Kira, age: 06/23/2012
Alinka... you're mad, as you yourself said. Because your head and all other parts of your soul and body are now controlled by the real DEMONS. Every person should be DESERVED of their own freedom, you know? And you are completely unworthy of her so far - please forgive me. You were allowed into this life; they gave a roof over their heads; they feed, dress, I suppose, like a doll ... and such ingratitude. Have you done anything good for anyone in your life? - even if you don’t honor and appreciate your parents?! I advise you to watch the movie "Yarik". Just watch to the very end! - but there the child, against his will, fell into such "freedom" ... Lord, enlighten and save you!
Tatyana, age: 56 years old / 07/07/2012
Me too, hold on as best you can.
ANIA, age: 10/14/2012
Well, where are you going? You're so old right now - you're growing up, mood swings and periods. You need mom's help, and don't think that you will leave and everything will be fine. Think about those who love you do not do stupid things.
Dasha, age: 24/13.10.2012
HOW I UNDERSTAND YOU !!! I quarrel with my parents all the time !!! they do it all for evil !!! one thing saves-
my friends!!! they help me so much! I cry every day and curse everything!!! when my mother beats me, I have
there are huge bruises ... she does not know how to calculate her strength !!! I have a sister who is 4 years old, and
my mother is so swearing in front of her that my ears bleed!!!
Ira, age: 12/04.02.2013
How do I understand you: * I also really want to leave (I don’t want to live with them anymore - it’s not possible. oooh how bad I feel ((
Tanya, age: 14/25.06.2013
It's like I wrote...
It turns out I'm not the only one, at least something pleases
veronica, age: 04/14/2014
Come to your parents! And everything will be fine because they love you!!!
Maria, age: 13 / 05.12.2016
How can I understand you. Only friends save me ... and only. Everything's pissing me off. When I go home from school, I want to go anywhere but home. And if I am at home, then I sit in my room all the time. On weekends, I go out with friends. In the summer I also go for a walk, then I go to the library or to the park for a walk ... just at the age of 13 or 14 I want peace, rest, so that they understand how difficult it is at that age.
Nothing, I think everything will be ok.
Valeria, age: 03/14/2018
I, too, sometimes have the thought of leaving home, but you need to get together and think it over carefully, if it’s so bad for you, take a walk alone with music, or just take a pen and a piece of white paper and write down everything that you feel. Maybe then you will understand that there are families where it is much more difficult for children. And think, if your parents don't love you, why would they need you?! They could just refuse you and that's it...
They just love you very much and worry, because they understand that you are already growing up and not today, so tomorrow you will leave them!)
And before you jump to conclusions, think about your parents, and not just about yourself.
As a person grows older, he begins to dream of an independent life. Parental attention and guardianship seem not so pleasant anymore. In addition, looking at peers who have been leading an active life for a long time, young people are increasingly asking themselves how to leave their parents' house.
Understand yourself
Many people wonder how to leave home, guided by the example of their friends or stereotyped thinking. But before you jump into action, think about whether you really want it. You must be aware of the following things:
- You will live alone (unless, of course, you rent an apartment with friends or a soulmate). Traditional conversations, TV gatherings, family dinners will not be available to you.
- You will have to pay for not only housing, but also food, hygiene items, clothing and much more. Are you wealthy enough for this?
- All the burden of housework will also fall on your shoulders. Before you leave home, you need to understand whether you are able to solve everyday problems. Cleaning, washing, cooking - from now on, you will have to do all this on your own.
If there are no problems with finances, and everyday issues do not scare you, you can completely think about living on your own.
Conversation with parents
Before you leave home, you need to have a detailed conversation with all family members. You need to carefully prepare for this event and set yourself up for the fact that your initiative may be perceived negatively. The conversation script should look something like this:
- First, talk about how much you love your family and how important warm and strong relationships are to you.
- Next, carefully bring to the fact that you are an adult who should not burden his relatives.
- Try to present arguments in your favor. For example, you already earn quite a lot, and you can also take care of yourself in everyday life.
- Explain to your family that your leaving home is not a break in family relationships. Promise that you will see each other often.
- Naturally, you need to give the floor to each of the family members.
How do you prepare your parents for your move?
Say "I want to leave home!" and slamming your fist on the table is the wrong decision. Put yourself in the place of your relatives to understand how difficult it is for them to accept this situation. To prepare your loved ones for your move, you can do the following:
- Become a business person. Wash and iron your clothes yourself. Clean your own room and even cook your own food. Firstly, you will relieve the burden on your relatives, and secondly, you will prove your independence.
- Try to spend less time at home. Try sometimes to stay overnight with friends. If you receive any offer for a short business or leisure trip, by all means agree.
- During family conversations, as if by chance, remember your friends who already live on their own.
Ask for help
Parents are extremely painful when their child leaves home. Even if he is already 20, 30 or as much as 40 years old, they want to give him their love and take care of him in every possible way. Therefore, try to smooth out the shock of your move as much as possible. For example, ask your family for help. This may be the search for housing, repairs, home improvement. Perhaps even some financial help from your parents can be accepted as an investment in your new life.
However, parents sometimes try to keep their children at home by blackmailing them with finances. A confrontation arises: children are trying to prove something, but this does not always end well. If you're unsure of your ability to cover even the bare minimum, hold off on moving.
Where to leave home
When all organizational problems are resolved, it's time to decide on the place of future residence. Of course, the easiest way is for young people who have just graduated from high school. The main thing is to choose a suitable university in another locality, and for the next few years the problem of housing (dormitory) will be solved.
Buying your own apartment is rarely available to young people. And not everyone can afford to rent. If you are determined to rent your own housing, but there are not enough funds, try to cooperate with one of your friends. Together it will be easier to solve financial issues, as well as easier to arrange life, organize leisure.
If you have financial problems, but independent living is your dream, try to carefully study job search sites. For example, during the holiday season, many hotels, boarding houses and sanatoriums offer temporary work with accommodation. True, for this you will most likely have to move to another city, but this will allow you to feel even more deeply all the charms and disadvantages of an independent life.
If everything is in order with money and mutual understanding, the matter is small. There should be two criteria for choosing housing: proximity to the parental home and a convenient location relative to your place of work.
Sometimes it becomes a real tragedy for parents if a daughter or son leaves home. Someone silently experiences this problem, and someone begins to blackmail an already adult child and reproach him for his loneliness. Such parents are encouraged to remember their youth. Surely you also raged maximalism, you dreamed of career achievements and creating your own family. Agree that it is much easier to build romantic relationships without parental supervision. In addition, a person should always have a chance for self-realization. If you tie your children to you, you risk making them miserable. Sooner or later they will blame you for all their failures.
Conclusion
How to leave home and live on your own? This is a difficult issue that requires an individual approach. It will be easier for young people from complete families, where, in addition, there are younger brothers and sisters. But what if you are your parents' only comfort? Of course, this does not tie you to them for life. You just have to show more delicacy and understanding. Your parents will only be happy if you find a strong and loving family, reliable friends, and also achieve success in your work.
