Relationship break: good or bad? A pause in a relationship: a lifeline or the beginning of the end

Most often, a pause in a relationship leads to a complete break, but this is more due to the lack of communication than the inevitability of the end of the relationship. If you want to take a break from each other, but still not break up, learn how to increase your chances and help the relationship get through this difficult period.

Before you take a break, ask yourself some important questions and make sure you and your partner are in the same mindset. Otherwise, this rest will only delay the final parting.

Analyze the reasons why you want to break up

If you're already sick of your partner, spending time apart won't help. The problems you're facing won't solve themselves if you just turn a blind eye to them. More acceptable reasons for a pause are an unwillingness to maintain a relationship at a distance or the need to be alone in order to decide on the future of the relationship.

Be honest with yourself

If you really want to take a break from a relationship, rather than end it, be honest with yourself. If you think that this is an easy way to get rid of a partner, then you are mistaken. A pause in a relationship only delays the process of parting.

If you realize that you just want to be free and date someone else, just end the relationship.

Accept what the breakup says about your relationship

Couples in healthy relationships don't take breaks, they solve problems. Often the need for such a break is driven by fear of responsibility, but if you can't agree on some rules and restrictions for the duration of this break, it's best to just end the relationship.

Set the rules

If you want to take a break other than as a prelude to the final break, then you need to lay down some rules. You may decide together that sex with other people is not acceptable, but dating is allowed. If the reason for the pause was not the desire to meet with someone else, then it is worth agreeing on fidelity for the duration of this parting.

Consider if time will help in this situation

More often than not, relationships don't get better after a pause. In fact, they can get significantly worse. If you want to get away from a key issue in your relationship by ignoring it, then you are on the wrong path.

Try to solve the problem without pause

Instead of a temporary separation, try to solve the problem in each other's free time. Relax with friends over the weekend, it can help you focus on something important. Even one night spent alone can help. Thus, you can build relationships, avoiding even temporary separations.

Don't pause

The longer you take a break from a relationship, the higher the risk that one of you decides to move on.

A week or two should be enough to put things in order in thoughts and feelings, as well as to decide on the future of your relationship. Further prolongation of the pause is like playing with fire.

Chat with your partner during the break

The fact that you agreed to take a time out does not mean that you need to fence yourself off from your partner with a blank wall. As you set the rules, discuss communication options during the pause. Not communicating during this period is rarely a good idea, but in any case, stick to the general solution.

Use your time wisely

If you're asking for some time to think things through and prioritize, don't waste it hanging out with friends and ignoring the problem. If you just want to feel free for a couple of weeks, then you don't really need this relationship.

Don't go for it a second time

If you've already taken a break and stayed together, don't be so naive as to consider a second or third time. It's almost an open relationship and it says a lot about your maturity. Perhaps you should be alone until you meet someone you really want to stay with. And this means the complete completion of the relationship, and not endless pauses.

Everything was fine: he said that he loved you, that he didn’t need anyone else ... You talked about how many children you would have and where you would spend your honeymoon ... So to speak, nothing foreshadowed trouble, and you were in seventh heaven from happiness. But suddenly he said that you need to take a break in the relationship - these words were like a bolt from the blue! What do these words mean, and how to behave now?

Let's think rationally

So, the first thing you need to do after such news is to pull yourself together and not give in to panic. Do not try to sob, fall at his feet, or, even worse, demand from him explanations or reasons for such behavior. Just smile and agree, and best of all, if you are a few steps ahead, and in response to his statement, you will say that he is absolutely right, and you yourself have thought about it.

Now, when you return home, do not throw yourself on the pillow and shed tears, as they say, this will not help the case. It’s better to make yourself tea with mint and linden and think, what, after all, happened?

In such a complex issue, it is best to trust the experts and listen to what they think about this.

So, let's turn to specialists in the field of personality psychology and here's what they say about this: a man who offered to pause in a relationship is a weak-willed, spineless creature who cannot make an important decision on his own, putting everything on your fragile shoulders.

No need to entertain yourself with empty hopes: a pause in a relationship is also parting, no more, no less.

It's just that your young man is so spineless that he cannot tell you this in person, as he is afraid of debriefing and showdown. Therefore, he found a way out, saying that you need a pause in the relationship - after all, this is, as it were, not a break, but not a couple either. And he did all this in the hope that you would be the first to freak out and leave him - in this case, he, in general, will come out dry and good from the water - he didn’t leave you, did he? And now think about whether you should be upset and worried about such a guy who cannot even make a decision on his own!

Why did he do it?

Yes, you can rack your brains and scroll through the options for why he did this, you can indefinitely. Only he knows the truth, but you, in fact, do not need it. Of course, you can analyze his behavior, who knows, maybe you will get to the bottom of the truth, but the fact remains: he left you.

Now it is very important to maintain emotional and mental peace. And this can only be done if you recognize this fact, will not deny it and come to terms with the fact that now you are alone. Puzzling over the question of why he did this, and what was wrong with you, you will get absolutely nothing but your shattered nerves and eyes swollen from tears.

In fact, now you will find yourself at a crossroads, as in that fairy tale, where there will be a stone with sentences in the middle. Let's look at the possible ways, as well as the consequences that will then arise:

1. You will keep a pause in the relationship, in the hope that he will return to you, and everything will be as before - the most stupid decision. Firstly, it will never be like before, because he wanted to part with you, and you will never forget this. And, secondly, even if he walks up and returns, what is the certainty that he will not do this again?

2. He returns with declarations of love, with words of repentance, and you forgive him. Great solution, but what's next for you? You already know that this person is not capable of making serious decisions, and is also not constant in his choice. And also, think about it, because now he can sit on your neck. And what? After all, you forgave his weakness once, so you will forgive again and again. But he will not take you seriously, as he will believe that you cannot live without him and will do anything if only he is there. Rest assured, such a relationship has no future.

3. You start a new and happy life, but without this person. It means that as soon as he suggested that you take a break in the relationship, you can safely switch your attention to the rest of the stronger sex. And, if suddenly his friends see you arm in arm with a new young man - it's even better, let him see that a holy place is never empty. Oh yeah, do not forget after you stop getting upset and pull yourself together, tell him that you no longer need a pause, since you are breaking up.

There is always the other side of the coin

Of course, it will be hard for you to go through a breakup, but in this case it is best to turn to the old and wise proverb that says that “everything that is not done, everything is done for the better.” And it's true, even if you don't believe it now.

And one more thing, the world has not converged like a wedge on this guy. It is possible that fate deliberately upset your union so that you meet a real man who can make you happy.

Just imagine what horizons are opening before you from now on: you can go wherever you want, and no one will make you jealous scenes, you can return home in the morning from a nightclub, and go on new dates every day. The main thing is not to close yourself in, do not acquire complexes, and throw out the negative thoughts that prevent you from living happily.

So let's sum up all of the above. Let's start with what a pause in a relationship really is. It means that it’s far from a pause, but a real break, it’s just that your young man doesn’t have the courage to admit it.

If your relationship is over, this does not mean at all that you are somehow different, that the reason is in you, and you are not worthy of a happy relationship. The reason, just the same, is in him, but not in you. And, the last thing - do not wait until he breaks off the relationship, do it yourself and start a new happy life. Be happy!

Understanding the opposite sex can be very difficult. There are complications that cannot be resolved without a common desire, frankness, mutual understanding. It happens that all attempts seem futile. Is it possible to argue that a pause in a relationship is a healing tool that can restore a cracked love?

Lack of incentive

If there is a need to move away, this does not mean anything good. In principle, running away from problems is a sign of a weak nature. Or the desire of partners to be together is so small that they do not want to resolve the contradictions that have arisen.

A pause in a relationship can be a signal that people just don't see the incentive to work on it. As a rule, at first everything is very interesting, partners build ideal images, actively explore each other, experience passion and desire, but at the first pitfalls, many couples fall apart into two separate units. They again go in search of the second half, wanting to find a ready-made ideal, and not work on common happiness.

Both should work on relationships.

When we are young, we are often told that we will feel love when we meet it, that everything will happen naturally. And we dutifully believe in it, we are waiting for our second half, looking at the clock and asking fate: “Maybe it's time already? Why am I still alone? What is wrong with me?

The fact is that in order for interaction to occur between the sexes, at least one side must show interest, activity, and initiative. But in our cynical age, more often than not, everything develops in such a way that one partner winds circles around the other, leads round dances, as if near a New Year tree, and the second revels in his magnificence in the rays of someone else's adoration.

A pause in a relationship can occur when a partner who is more in love lifts his own dignity off the floor, turns around and goes looking for someone who will appreciate him more. Although for him, in fact, all relationships were one continuous pause and wasted time.

When the goal is reached

To the attention of girls in love, it is worth explaining what a pause in a relationship means after a stormy period of passion. For example, a young man courted the fair sex for a month. Moreover, with all the passion and desire. And when they reach mutual delight, he disappears from the horizon, just disappears somewhere. Although everything was so wonderful.

Naturally, everything was fine for the girl, because she felt needed, desired, sometimes even too much. Questions instantly pop up in my head: “What did I do wrong?”, “Maybe he has a different one?” Or maybe there are good reasons.

But for some reason, before, no obstacles prevented him from rushing to her through the whole city, even if not for intimacy, then at least for an ordinary meeting. And the partner after all only the beginning likes. Women in general in this regard are not as quick to reprisal as men. They can stare for a long time, but become so attached to their hearts that the sudden disappearance of a young man plunges them into the deepest moral breakdown.

What's the way out?

I want to believe that this is just a pause in the relationship. What to do to finish it and return communication to the same delightful mode?

As a rule, attempts to win a guy or return him with reproaches and appeal to a sense of pity end in a real failure. In general, very few men are able to feel empathy for someone other than themselves. So the only way to interest him is to show that the girl, in general, is not bad without him. Of course, it’s also good with him, but besides their communication, there is still a lot of interesting things in the world. Only in this case, the guy will think that he is missing out on something pleasant for himself, and not getting rid of the burden that will weigh him down.

self-digging

Many go to extremes of introspection when there is a pause in a relationship. How to behave is half the battle. It is a completely different story - to realize with your mind that the problem is not in you. Thanks to the sad thoughts about the departed love, not a single beautiful verse or melody was born, but for the soul they are extremely painful, especially when a person is tormented by ignorance and feels sorry for himself. After all, he was underestimated, turned away, and it is not clear why.

It often happens that a pause in a relationship causes an even greater feeling for the object of adoration. After all, if a person is gone, he is better than us. And in this case, it is worth striving for it, holding on to it. Although, most likely, you are not very suitable for each other, your positive qualities were not discerned or not considered as such, they used adoration only as fertilizer for the growth of their own ego, they did not want to recognize your feelings and share their own.

What to do?

Logically, in such a situation, it would be worth considering that there is no point in chasing a person who turns away from you. But during falling in love, feelings prevail over reason, passion and instincts take over a person, from which everything rational just flies somersault.

Perhaps you didn’t tell your partner something, behaved too apart and secretly. How can he know who you are if you don't want to tell? In order not to carry a burden on your heart, it is better to express all your thoughts in a calm way.

It is extremely important that the partner’s careless word does not piss you off and make you express everything a little sharper than planned. Then the pause will turn into the end of the relationship. Usually people turn around and leave when they see that conditions are set for them, they are locked in frames, their freedom is restricted. Despite all the pleasant moments experienced together, the majority will give preference to the right of their own choice.

What if it doesn't work?

If, after you relieve your soul by calmly asking all your questions and expressing your thoughts, the desired effect is not achieved and a happy reunion of a couple in love does not happen, it just needs to be accepted.

Having decided to take a break in the relationship, the partner shows that he does not need you, that he is fine without you, and silence is much better for him than your voice. The only hope is understatement, with the elimination of which mutual understanding will be established.

To languish in ignorance is much more difficult than to feel a little shame, but at the same time to know everything that interests you. And we really tremble before those we love, we are afraid to say the wrong word, to frighten us away. But if in order to communicate with a person, you have to maneuver and shake, as if you are roller-skating through a china shop, can you yourself relax and enjoy in such a relationship?

Having built hopes and an image of a happy future, people spend months waiting, courting a partner and believing that, apparently, some circumstances just interfere with him. The desire to pause in a relationship will not appear in someone who loves and respects you.

It pays to proceed with caution

The most important thing is to do everything possible on your part, and if there is no response, you just need to accept it, and not torment yourself. Lovers often fall into two extremes:

excessive secrecy, fear and a word to say about their own feelings;

when there is no more strength to endure and emotions have reached the limit, a volcano literally erupts - lava flows break out, burning everything in its path, including the slightest chance of reconciliation.

Beware of both of these two evils, look for the middle ground, be yourself, because wearing a mask and being good, feeling like they didn’t care about you, will always fail.

There is always a chance

Is it all so hopeless? After all, it happens that couples converge again. Of course, such situations do exist. But this requires desire on the part of both partners. No doubt, no one is perfect.

It is extremely difficult to meet a person for at least a year and not make a mistake. There are no saints among us, and ideal relationships, like a blue sky without a single cloud, exist only on the pages of books. If the initiator of the time gap rethinks the situation and changes his line of behavior, everything has a chance to form. It often happens that after a pause in a relationship, a new round of feelings begins.

There is a wonderful film by the American director Jerry Rees, The Marrying Habit. According to its plot, the characters played by Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin appeared before the altar five times. Their story is full of passion and vivid emotions, although, of course, it was not without difficulties. However, the partners, one way or another, returned to each other's arms. For those who are in serious thought about the further development of their own personal lives, it will be extremely useful to take the time to watch this romantic comedy.

Maintain respect for yourself and your partner

Never say never"! It's hard to say how long a pause in a relationship lasts. Every couple is different. It happens that people do not see each other for years, and then a feeling flares up between them with renewed vigor.

In any case, the love affair should proceed out of good will, and not because of the handcuffs of marriage put on. It often happens that, getting used to our soulmate, we take it for granted, stop appreciating it, but after parting for a while, we become like a traveler in the desert who wants to drink water from his own well.

There is a well-known phrase: “If you love, let go. If yours - will return. Otherwise, it was never yours." So it's best to show your partner as clearly as possible that you are interested in him. If he wants to leave - this is his right, if he wants to return - he is always welcome.

In this case, you will feel much better than if you throw a scandal with smashing plates and shouting: “I gave you the best years of my life!” If you love - let go ... This is not only about the adoration of a partner, but also about your love for yourself. Self-esteem is the core of the personality, which should not be broken by the uncontrolled game of hormones. All disputes will be resolved with the consent of both parties.

He's probably a nice guy, but he doesn't have the courage to say outright that he doesn't want you to be together anymore. You must have had wonderful moments of love. And now that he has decided to break up with you, he feels terrible - even if in the long run the separation will benefit both. If you suspect that this is just such a case, it is better to ask him to be honest with you. It will be easier this way: you will save months of exhausting negotiations and clarifications, completely pointless, since he has already made a decision.

2. He wants to have sex with someone else.

If you broke up for a while and he slept with someone, then technically this is not cheating, and there seems to be nothing stopping you from getting back together. Pretty sneaky excuse for a timeout.

Of course, if both of you are for an open relationship, you can always say: “Yes, yes, I also just wanted to sin with a bunch of people - I even made a list” - and you shake hands and go on an adventure, and then return to the matrimonial bed and vying to share with those who how this “vacation” went.

But if you are not so “advanced” citizens and you are not enthusiastic about such tricks, be on the lookout.

Popular

3. He really needs to think about how he feels about you and how you can work things out.

The most encouraging option: perhaps the guy really wants to take a constructive look at your relationship, and for this he needs to be alone for several weeks. Perhaps your once-bright love is going through a period of stagnation, and he feels at a crossroads. He needs to figure out where to go next. He has good intentions, but it’s time for both of you to look at your union from the outside and understand what is worth changing, and whether it’s worth trying at all.

Such a pause can turn into a reboot, but only if both of you want it and are ready to work on the relationship.

4. He needs a few weeks of peace and quiet.

Maybe he put it wrong, and what he needs is not a pause in the relationship at all, but something like a vacation during the session. Perhaps he has a blockage at work or some kind of turning point in his career. And he needs to temporarily eliminate everything that could distract him; he must have plenty of personal space. If he's going through a period full of stress, and he's the kind of person who can only focus on one thing, it's much better to give him that space. He knows himself and understands that he will snap at the little things, walk in self-absorption, give you insufficient time and attention and at the same time break away from the project. In essence, it's not so much a time-out in a relationship as it's his time for himself. Not the worst option on this list.

5. This is a kind of "strength test."

He wants to see if you agree or not and how you will react, because he is not sure how seriously you take him. Some people are so insecure that they play all sorts of mind games. Maybe he's afraid of losing you. Or thinks: "She wants to leave me, and I should have time to break up with her first." Or maybe he read a strange advice on some site. Never mind: people who have fun in this way are not worth your trouble.

This applies to relationships with a loved one, parents, children, etc.

What to do? In this case, it's best. It is needed in order to move a distance, to cool down, to think and understand what is happening and why.

Many are very afraid of this phrase - "take a break in a relationship." Consider this almost the final break. But it's not. After all, if everything is left as it is, then the relationship will only get worse. If you do not take a break and do not move away from each other, then they will actually reach a dead end and become so unbearable that there is nothing left but to break them.

When you are constantly near a person who annoys you, then you will not be able to understand your feelings and emotions, what is happening in your mind. That's what a break is for, distance. It is necessary to "turn off" the relationship, as we turn off the TV, computer, eliminate and be without them, in peace and quiet. Only in such conditions will you be able to reasonably assess your behavior and the behavior of your partner, understand your own and his characteristics. When this inner work is done, you may be able to realize a lot and forgive him and yourself.

So relax and let go. Let everything take its course. At a distance, thoughts calm down, new understandings come. Get distracted, do other things, let your mind work on its own.

Don't be afraid and don't panic a break can do you good. She is able not only to improve your relationship, but also to strengthen them, bring them to a higher level.

A friend of mine told me that there was a time when he and his wife stopped communicating with their daughter's family because they could no longer endure how she was rude to them and treated them disrespectfully. This went on for eight months. They did not call and did not come to their daughter, and she did not come to them. True, communication with the grandson was not interrupted. The boy himself called them, so there was a connection with the child. But with my daughter, no. But eight months later, their son-in-law called them and said that they want the whole family to visit their parents. Of course, the friend's wife prepared a good meal, and the meeting was warm. Nobody remembered what happened. Since then, their relationship has improved. Apparently, both sides understood a lot during this pause and began to build their relations based on what was meaningful.

Psychologist Ksenia Gorchakova talks about a similar case. One of her clients happened. They made the decision to leave. For a while, the couple lived separately, but met regularly. According to the client, it was like a second honeymoon. After a while, the couple moved in again.

According to the psychologist, a pause is useful because at a distance it is easier to realize what these relationships give you and what you lose when this person is far away. Some things that seem to be taken for granted, such as care, a feeling of closeness and warmth, take on a special value at a distance. It's like air that you don't notice while it's around you, but once you lose it, you start to suffocate and acutely feel its lack.

The point is also that there are many even a good, beloved person, ”continues Ksenia Gorchakova. - Distance helps to see what you have in common and unifying. But it also allows you to understand that you are different, in which you are not similar. In moments of aggravation of relations, it seems to you that there is nothing in common between you at all, and you will never be able to understand each other. And the distance will allow you to see what unites you, what you are similar in, and what it is worth keeping. Sometimes, in order to realize the value of relationships, you need to lose them, at least for a while.

But there are also nuances. At a distance, the impressions soften, and the person seems better. But as soon as you get close to him again, they can arise again.

The reason is that at a distance we are dealing not so much with a real person as with memories of him, his idealized image. This fantasy often turns out to be better and more pleasant than the reality of coexistence. It is much easier to love and accept an idealized image than a living person. And it is easier to communicate with him than with a real partner, the psychologist believes.

But still, a pause in a relationship helps to understand the measure of communication, the optimal mode that is comfortable for both. You can find a measure and dose communication without crossing certain boundaries. This will only benefit the relationship.