Why does a child bite. A small child bites, what to do? Why do children bite

Sometimes it happens that your child suddenly becomes biting. He grabs his mother’s hand with his teeth, tries to bite off his father’s ear, and even hones his “toothy” skills on a teddy bear. And if the bear doesn’t care that they are trying to gnaw out sawdust, then the baby’s parents don’t need such biting problems at all: it hurts, it’s insulting and even a little scary.

But what if it’s not mom or dad who is suddenly bitten, but a neighbor on the porch or a kid in kindergarten? Here and before the conflict of the "armed" is not far: quarrels, showdown and, as a result, the search for a new kindergarten.

Why does a child bite? How should parents behave if this happens to their baby? What mistakes should not be made in the process of weaning? What to do if the baby not only bites, but also pinches and even fights? We will try to answer these and other questions right now.

Why does the child bite?

Bites at 6 months

The main reason for the "biting" of the little one is the discomfort or pain caused by teething. Well, what else to scratch your gums, if not about your beloved mother? Of course, this is very painful, especially when it comes to breast bites during feeding.

What to do?

As an option, buy plastic nozzles that protect the breast from the baby's teeth, but do not interfere with feeding. You can also smear the nipples with a special product designed to alleviate the suffering of the baby while his teeth are growing.

You can also give your child a “helper”: a piece of carrot or apple, a hard dryer or a teether, so that he sharpens his gums on them.

If the baby bit you “just like that”, make a serious face and show with your whole appearance how ugly it is. Finally, just be patient a little, even though it is incredibly difficult.

Bites at 8-14 months

During this period, the baby bites when he is very excited: he is overwhelmed with emotions that he puts into his bite (like his whole soul). Sometimes a child bites because they are just scared or angry at you for some reason.

What to do?

Try to show the baby that you can’t do this, it hurts you a lot and you are offended by him. He will definitely study the received "information" and draw the right conclusions.

Bites at 15-36 months

This time falls on the period of the child's socialization: the baby goes to kindergarten, but instead of making friends with his peers, he begins to sharpen his grown teeth about them.

The reasons for biting behavior are caused by a simple desire to control the world around and subjugate those who "inhabit" it. This is also confirmed by the fact that the baby bites only peers, and does not touch relatives with a “tooth”.

Sometimes it is not only the influence of other children that is to blame for a child biting, but also a simple misunderstanding that it hurts someone.

What to do?

Explain to the child that no one will ever want to be friends with him, so angry and pugnacious.

Bites at three years and after

When an adult three-year-old child begins to bite, this indicates that he is frightened or feels helpless. Example: two kids did not share a toy and one of them bit an opponent. It happened because he simply did not find another way to defend his opinion (or defend himself if small fists were used).

What to do?

You can check the child with a doctor to exclude neurological diseases from the list of reasons for biting.

It often happens that children who started biting at 2 years old continue to do so at 2.5 and even 3. The problem is that now the bites of the crumbs are no longer so harmless, but are already noticeably painful.

That is why experts advise parents of biting children to pay close attention to the behavior of the child and respond to it immediately.

Finding out the reasons

The first thing you should do is to understand why your child was attacked by "biting". Ask the teacher if there are such toothy children in your group, be sure to find out if something strange or bad happens before your child bites someone.

Finally, try to remember the first time this happened to your child.

Intimate talk

Talk to the baby and find out why he is "showing his teeth." In colors and details, explain that only small children behave this way, and adults like him will never try to “eat” someone close. Make it clear to the child that biting will not achieve anything good, much less solve problems.

Expressing feelings correctly

The kid must understand that when expressing love, you need to hug the one for whom he feels this trembling feeling, and if he is overwhelmed with anger, let him talk about it directly.

Moving aggression

To wean a child from biting, you can enroll him in a pool or self-defense section. In general, where he will run a lot, jump, move and splash out his overflowing energy.

Be consistent

React to each repeated "incident" in the same way and then the child will learn the lesson, if not the second time, then the fifth one for sure. He will simply understand that if he continues to do so, his mother will definitely scold him.

Creating a Peaceful Environment

Fence off the child from quarrels and scandals, as psychologists say: biting children appear in families with an unfavorable emotional atmosphere. The kid should not see how adults sort things out - this will lead to the fact that he will copy this behavior model and will achieve what he wants in the same way.

Tenderness and affection will grind everything

Show more tenderness to the child and caress him, say that you love more than life and kiss him with all your might. You will see that instead of biting, he will give you the same strong kisses and warm hugs.

What can not be done if the baby bites?

Bite back

To get the baby to stop biting, by reciprocating “bites” - it even sounds strange, doesn't it?

Pay close attention to bites

Sometimes, in order for a child to stop biting, you just need to ignore it. It’s a paradox, but seeing that the “defense” does not bear fruit, the baby simply stops baring his teeth.

Wash your mouth with soap or smack your lips

Such inadequate behavior of parents will only aggravate the situation: internal aggression will increase, and the baby will decide that you do not understand him.

The child pinches and fights: why?

Sometimes it happens that the baby “calls for help” not only teeth, but also hands: he actively begins to pinch and fight, causing bewilderment and even fear among the people around him with his behavior. The reasons for such aggression lie in the negative emotions that overwhelm the child: jealousy, anger, irritation and resentment.

The kid cannot accumulate negativity in himself, and when something does not work out for him or he is not given what he wants, emotions begin to overflow. The problem lies in the fact that the bites, pinches and blows get stronger and more frequent.

Let's take a closer look at why a child pinches and fights and how to wean him from it.

Child fights with other children

Preschool children fight either to demonstrate their strength to others, or because they want to attract someone's attention to themselves.

If you see your baby fighting, or if one of the neighbors told you about what happened, try to find out from them the details of the fight. This will make it easier for you to determine the cause of your baby's aggressive behavior.

After that, call the child and listen to what he has to say to you about this. If he uses his hands because he wants to “educate” someone, explain that you need to achieve what you want with words, not fists.

At the same time, you should not scold the child, since you can turn from a well-wisher into a real enemy. And how does he deal with them? Of course, it hits and pinches.

Child fighting with parents

If the baby hits you more often, keep in mind: this is a response to your "wrong" behavior. For example, you constantly scold him, forbid him everything in the world, or shame him.

Another reason for fights is the perception problem of a child who thinks that by pinching or hitting someone, he will provoke him to a certain game: hit - insult - reconciliation - hugs.

In both cases, you need to be more tolerant of the child and not show aggression. He hit you - stop it without shouting and swearing. You can also take offense at him by hiding in another room. May the whole house console you! Looking at this, the child will understand: his game was not successful and, therefore, he did not do it very right.

Finally, the third reason why the kid fights (both with parents and with peers): he just saw enough of "evil" cartoons and now positions himself as a negative character. Control what the TV “shows” to your baby, just don’t forbid watching it at all.

The main task: to show the child the difference between evil and good and make it clear that good always wins.

When should you contact a specialist?

The reasons for the aggressive behavior of the child are many factors: delayed speech development, trauma, serious illness, death of a close relative, the appearance of a new teacher or student in the class.

Even more often, children bite, in whose families the parents themselves behave viciously: they constantly sort things out, quarrel and even fight. An apple from an apple tree, right?

Signals indicating that you need to seek help from a psychologist are the following points:

the baby “grinds” his teeth, not responding to your desire to stop it;
he is over three years old;
your child hurts other people with his bites;
the kid does it to hurt;
he not only fights, but also tortures pets.

Psychologists say that the habit of biting passes with time, but if the child is already three years old, and he continues to do it with redoubled anger, then he needs the help of a specialist.

Summing up

When thinking about how to wean a child from biting, you should understand that only patience and work will help you correct the situation, since the child's psyche is so flexible that it can be successfully corrected. Try to show the kid the beauty of being on the side of "good" and teach him to express negativity in a safe and socially acceptable way.

It is very embarrassing for parents to hear from a kindergarten teacher or indignant mothers of other kids the words that their child bites. Confusion, amazement, indignation - all these feelings fly through the mother's head in a whirlwind: “Does the child bite? We constantly work with him and explain everything to him! How to wean a child to bite?

If the child suddenly began to bite, it is necessary to correctly assess the circumstances, understand when it started, and also take into account the age of the “bully”. The motives that prompt him to use bites can be very different.

Different things happen in kindergarten, but a “biting” child can alert both educators and parents

So, babies at 10 months will use bites for completely different reasons than 2-4 year olds. Of course, the ways to correct their behavior will also differ.

Causes

The baby makes the first test “for a tooth” in infancy. Mom's breasts, rubber nipple, your fist - these are the main objects that are attacked by tiny biters. There is nothing unusual here, according to mothers. The teeth will erupt and the child will not have a reason to bite. This often happens, but not always.

The famous pediatrician Komarovsky wrote that almost all children begin to bite, only some stop their experiments from the first remark, and some have to be weaned from a bad habit for quite a long time.

Physiological point of view

Why does a small child bite? Most often, unpleasant sensations in the mouth are to blame when a tooth wants to erupt - constant itching, severe irritation, swollen gums. Probably, hence the desire to drag something into your mouth and bite, whether it's your own finger or mom's chest, sometimes even dad's chin.

The child feels the urge to bite, as his swollen and reddened gums simply make him do it. Buy special teething toys for your child, made of plastic or rubber - let them always lie next to him.

The desire to bite may be associated with the period of teething and painful sensations from it.

Children at 1.5-2 years old, as a rule, have a limited vocabulary and cannot convey their feelings, mood, rage or agreement in words. Very significant incidents can be followed by an unusual reaction - a bite, even if the impression was pleasant.

Transitional age

A 3-year-old baby begins the first transitional age, there is an awareness of his “I”: “I want it myself”, “I can do it myself”. Any attempt by parents to correct this process meets with a protest from the little man: defending his independence, he can use his teeth.

It is worth paying attention to his relationship with peers. Perhaps he has difficulty communicating with them, and the bites are just a defense? It happens that such a child not only bites, but also scratches. Suddenly he is not defending, but on the contrary, going on the offensive? Then he may have problems with self-control.

In any case, if the child began to bite regularly, you need to meet with a neurologist, a child psychologist and listen to their advice. The psychology of children is more accessible and understandable to them.

It happens that at a very young age, the relationship of a child with peers does not add up, he accumulates repressed resentment or aggression

Causes of a psychological nature

Quite often, the main reason that a child bites and pinches when communicating is insufficient attention from parents. In this way, children want to attract the attention of adults: mom does not respond to words, continues to watch TV or sit at the computer, you need to bite her!

The appearance of the habit of biting in a child is greatly influenced by conflicts in the family, when aggression manifests itself in front of the baby. He is under stress, this can serve the development of bad inclinations in the child.

Child psychologists have noticed that a child who bites during disputes or game conflicts is sure to observe scenes of domestic violence. By the way, the habit of biting peers, which arose as a reaction to the hostile relationship between parents and relatives, is the hardest to eradicate. Its manifestation is possible even at school.

Very often parents ask questions: “What happened? While the kid didn’t go to kindergarten - he didn’t bite, how did he start attending, did this bad habit appear? Why did the child start biting? What to do if a child bites? A habit can develop as a result of stress: unfamiliar surroundings, "old-timers" in kindergarten, hostile behavior of children in a group. As a result - bites in self-defense or to assert their authority. Some children call for help not only their teeth, but also their hands, they begin to actively pinch and fight.

Leaving the father's family, moving to another apartment in a new house, the birth of a younger brother or sister - these are all stressful situations. Children react to any of them in their own way, including bites.

Unhealthy family environment or divorce of parents cause stress, which can result in aggressive manifestations

When do biting indicate serious behavioral problems?

This article talks about typical ways to solve your questions, but each case is unique! If you want to know from me how to solve exactly your problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!

the preschooler continues to bite, although adults forbid;
the age of the biter is more than 4 years;
bites are very sensitive, wounds remain in their place;
bites are the result of an expression of hostility and resentment, and not the intention to take possession of a toy or self-defense in a fight;
aggression is directed at domestic animals.

What to do in this situation?

If a child bites, it is necessary to try to prevent the child's aggression towards the children around him in advance. You see that he began to get annoyed, nervous, quarrel, fight with his peers - try to interest him in another activity, distract him.

Let him play other games or advise him to sit alone to analyze his actions. This method is good in that it helps to reduce the time the biter communicates with surrounding children and adults. It happens that a child bites as a result of a long stay among children (adults), the fault may be banal overwork.

If a non-speaking child bites, his actions must certainly be voiced so that he remembers their name. For example, start like this: “You bit Misha!”. Then continue: “You can’t bite anyone, you are doing bad!”, “You only need to bite pears or apples.” Then invite the baby to play something interesting.

To transform aggression, you can offer the child calm games or a company of parents who will share leisure time with him.

You can stop his aggression through another option. Take an interest, noticing that the baby began to get nervous: “Maybe you can get a big doll or a new tractor?”.

If you could not prevent aggression, stop its further manifestation on the part of the baby. To do this, you need to hug him gently, without jerky movements. Then, looking into his eyes, tell him about his experiences and feelings, for example: “You don’t want to part with the bear and give it to Nastya. I understand you perfectly, etc.” Try to speak in the affirmative so that your words are emotionally similar to his condition. The main thing is to convince the baby that you understand his feelings well, that the purpose of his aggression is to demonstrate his resentment. It has been achieved - further manifestation of aggressive actions does not make sense.

When a child bites in kindergarten, ask the teachers if there are children with the same inclinations in the group. It may turn out that his comrades had a bad influence on him.

Parental behavior

If the child began to bite in the children's team, try to find out what provokes the bites. Remember when you first discovered this bad habit in a baby. Maybe there was some kind of turning point in the life of the crumbs.

The kid bit someone in front of you, take care of the bitten one, take pity on him in front of the little biter. Let him see a clear example of the need to sympathize with others. Give the baby a chance to atone for guilt, let him help you put a band-aid on the bitten place, apologize, give the injured peer a picture.

You have suffered from a bite or blow from a baby - tell him: “You hurt me. You offended me, I don’t want to be bitten.” You can’t respond with a bite for a bite, so that he doesn’t have the assertion that this is how one should defend oneself or defend one’s own opinion. When you or any other baby has suffered from a bite, do not raise your voice or punish the culprit.

The moment a child bites, he is full of anger. He has no control over his actions. Ordering him, but not giving him the opportunity to calm down, you cause him even more anger. Remember, the aggression of the baby cannot be stopped, it is necessary to give it the opportunity to splash out. Otherwise, the negative emotions remaining in him, sooner or later, will still manifest themselves, find a way out.

What to pay attention to?

It is necessary to teach the baby to come to a common opinion, expressing his feelings, defending his opinion and desires with words. Try to tell him more often: "I like that you are so reserved."

No need to be shy about praising the child or emphasizing his restraint, good manners - this is very important

You should always love a baby: both when he is quiet and affectionate, and when he is aggressive.
You don't have to get emotional. Try to be smart and empathetic. If a child bites, parental supervision is required. When an adult is firm in his demands, the child develops a sense of distinction (possible - impossible, good - bad). These restrictions and social disapproval contribute to the formation of feelings of shame and doubt.
If the parents do not suppress the desire to be independent in the child and there is no excessive guardianship, by the age of 3 he will have such positive qualities as self-esteem and friendliness. Conversely, excessive parental care contributes to the formation of feelings of shame, doubt, and insecurity.
In order for the child's personality to develop correctly and positive qualities of character to form in him, adults need to choose the right methods of upbringing in the family.
Your child needs your help to stop biting.

To make the right decision to fix a problem, you must first identify the cause. If you find it difficult to cope with this habit in a child on your own, do not delay - immediately talk to a child psychologist if you need his advice.

Tatiana Oberemok
What to do if a child bites?

With the problem that child bites faced by both educators and parents of children of primary preschool age.

Why child bites? What do? We will try to answer these questions in our article.

The reasons that child bites, can be varied.

1. Parents may use a lot of inhibitions or physical punishment. child. By using biting baby protests against the prohibitions, thus showing his anger.

2. With a lack of attention, the baby biting wants to involve adults in their most basic needs, which they may not notice. With excessive attention from the parents or one of them, child may show aggression towards those people who, in his opinion, take it away "legal property"- mom.

3. Pinning and playing child those patterns of behavior that he sees in the family or in the group. If in a family, adults often sort things out from a position of strength, with the help of screams, then child learns this way of resolving conflicts and throwing out accumulated anger, anger, all the negativity that adults show him.

4. Often children bite, thus expressing his acute disappointment, defending his toy or protecting his (according to his understanding) territory. This usually happens when children are overexcited, tired, or uncomfortable. Under these conditions, they are more irritable, less controllable and, reacting inadequately, cannot restrain their negative emotions.

5. In children older than 2 years, the cause biting may be associated with muscle weakness and decreased tactile sensitivity (skin sensitivity) in the oral cavity. Therefore, these children need additional and intense stimulation in the mouth area. Often, such children suck on the pacifier for a long time and, as a rule, are late in the development of speech.

6. After 3 years, children usually bite when they feel helpless or scared, such as when they lose a fight, or when they think someone else might hurt them. Children over 3 years of age who often bite must be shown to a psychologist. It may turn out that child problems with self-expression or self-control.

In order to child to stop biting, it is necessary to observe in which cases the child bites, if possible, to anticipate and prevent painful and conflict situations.

Help the child understand and learn that such an aggressive form of communication and expression of emotions is unacceptable. Come to to kid, sit down so that your faces are on the same level and look him straight in the eyes. In an authoritative tone that brooks no objection, tell him approximately following: “This behavior is unacceptable. We are not bite people. It is not right. Please don't do it more».

Every time an adult sees that child Approaches another child or adult with the specific and clearly visible purpose of biting, placing a hand over their mouth as quickly as possible, thereby creating a physical barrier and preventing the bite. At the same time, it must be said, decisively and strictly, that "" you can't bite!"". On the 10th or 20th time, the decisive reaction of the adult will certainly be perceived by the child, especially If everyone around him will react in the same way, and not flirt with him, touched by his innocence.

Do not do it bite the child back, otherwise he will gain an understanding that this is how he should defend himself, defend his opinion.

Can't scream or hit child. anyone biting, child filled with anger. He is incapable of realizing what he does. By punishing, you will show him negative patterns of behavior. ordering to kid, not allowing him to calm down, you will provoke him into an even greater outburst of rage. Remember, stopped aggressive actions child, can lead to the fact that negative emotions that have not spilled out will remain in child and sooner or later they will show themselves, find a way out.

Help to kid learn to express your feelings in words. For example, “You are probably mad at Vanya for taking your toy. Use words to show feelings but don't bite».

Recommended to play with child role play. Make with child from an old mitten a glove doll - biter. Write a story about how you behaved nipper and what it led to. Voice and characters who are observers ( “Probably shouldn’t talk to him.”, “You can’t be friends and trust such a mean person” and so on, and, of course, the sacrifice. Now let the child will become"victim", try different methods of protection against biters(care, resentment, retaliatory aggression). correct tactics: to teach to pronounce the feelings that the characters experience, to translate the conflict into a constructive dialogue.

For children over 3 who are still continuing bite, you can use the timeout technique. Timeouts give time for baby to calm down and accustom child to thought, What biting is unacceptable. Time-outs work best with children who know why they are using the technique. To kid invited to be alone for five minutes and think: “You are still small and sometimes you can’t stop. But very soon you will understand how bad it is to be alone.” Purpose of isolation, punishment child lies in next: he must gradually learn to understand that any act, and even worse, a bad one, has its consequences. Timeout will not only demonstrate child then that he overflowed the cup of your patience or violated an important rule, he will demonstrate, in fact, where the border of what is permitted lies.

The Timeout technique does not necessarily mean moving to another room, sometimes it is enough to take child from the play area in the room, move to a corner, and so on. If you still took the child to another room, make sure that it contains the minimum number of stimuli that will distract him from thinking about his behavior. Once in a room full of toys or in a room with a TV turned on, child will be distracted and this will negate all your educational actions. The child must be bored, the primary goal is to think about your actions and misconduct.

accustom child to affectionate actions during play. For example, show him how to hug a bear, pet a kitten, love a doll. Praise if the child plays peacefully.

distract child, who is beginning to get annoyed by the game, for example, dance. Or do it something soothing, like reading or doing a puzzle.

Children with reduced tactile sensitivity in the oral cavity must be introduced into the daily diet of solid foods (carrots, apple, that is, food that needs to be chewed.

It is recommended to teach the child to blow soap bubbles, inflate balloons, play the harmonica or the pipe, and, as far as adults have enough imagination, perform exercises to strengthen the muscles of the oral cavity.

Games with water, sand, clay have a beneficial effect; Include relaxation in the daily routine with pleasant music, as well as sufficient physical activity.

Tatyana Nikolaevna Oberemok, educator of MDOU No. 77 of the city of Irkutsk

Children under three years of age quite often show incontinence and so-called affective reactions: they bite, hit, pinch, scratch, push their peers. It is worth saying that aggressive behavior at 1, 2 or 3 years old is an extreme version of the norm for the mental development of a small person.

Faced with the problem of a non-standard output of children's aggression, mothers tend to panic and unreasonably look for signs of ill health in their children's character. Naturally, you need to quickly figure out why the child bites and take action. But it is premature to label him as a pathologist right off the bat.

In most cases, it is enough to show a little attention to the problem and carefully reshape the baby's behavior through dialogue, play or exercises - depending on age. To help frightened moms and dads, reliable instructions have been developed on how to wean a child from biting at a particular age stage.

From this article you will learn

Behavior on the border of the norm

Psychologists do not get tired of repeating: "Every baby is unique." The individual path of development depends on the style of family education, and on the individual characteristics of physiology and psyche. Even the most attentive and caring parents can be puzzled by how a child expresses emotions. But it is precisely the emotional-volitional qualities that most actively influence behavior in early and preschool age.

There is an important pattern: the older the baby becomes, the more conscious and “psychological” biting, pinching and the desire to fight become. For example, a one-year-old baby would not purposely hurt, but a two-year-old tomboy has likely learned that it is an effective way to achieve what he wants is to bite or pinch another.

Pay attention to the table below. Here is the most important information about how and why children show aggression at different ages. How do parents and teachers deal with it? ( Attention! The table can be scrolled left and right).

Children's age	The most likely manifestations of negative emotions	Physiological causes	Psychological reasons	Adult behavior strategies: E - effective H - ineffective
3-11 months	Whims, crying, screaming, non-directional biting of any objects nearby, including one's own body	Teething, pain	Lack of attention, anxiety, waiting for feeding	E: Acquire and apply dental gels and teethers N: Punishment of an infant, ignoring
1 year	Biting, hitting or crying while playing	Overwork at the level of the nervous system, weakening of the function of inhibition in the nervous system	Excess information, emotional immaturity, the baby "played" (emotionally excited) and needs external influence, adult help to calm down	E: It is already possible to form altruism in the character of an infant with the help of the emotionally colored word "A-ay!" or "Boo-olno!" The tone of voice is firm with some pretension, yet without imitation of resentment. Continuation of the game after a pause (inhibition of the nervous system) N: Complete abrupt cessation of the game, punishment, ignoring
2 years	Biting, hitting, taking away and throwing toys or food, whims, tantrums, “bad words”, pinching, throwing sand and stones, etc.	Internal discomfort, the reactions to which the child redirects to the outside world in the form of aggressive manifestations Delayed neuropsychiatric development leading to an imbalance between the demands of adults and the capabilities of the nervous system	Deliberate denial of the rules (the protest is associated with the early onset of the crisis of 3 years), the formation of leadership qualities through the authority of force, imitation of the family style of upbringing	E: We continue to form altruistic behavior. Now you can imitate crying and resentment or give emotions to a bitten toy, "revive" it and show what it means to "apologize" and "sorry." Switching attention to BEFORE the bite. N: Prohibition of the word “no” if it was not previously familiar to the child, physical punishment
3 years	The same as at 2 years old, but can manifest itself both in attack and in defense	Lag in the pace of psycho-neurological development, brain injury, headaches or other pains that the child cannot report. Imbalance and weakness of the nervous system	Crisis 3 years. Pedagogical neglect. Fear. Problems of the communicative sphere. Delayed speech development. Lack of volitional control of emotions	E: Finding ways out of the crisis, restructuring the education system, establishing trusting relationships with children. Fairy tales. Communication games. Dialogue! N: Physical punishment, screaming, long lectures, threats, deprivation, unreasonable prohibitions
4 years	Any of the above	With normal developed speech, the absence of neurological problems and psychopathologies, the causes are only psychological	Crisis 3 years. Imitation of adults! Lack of communication skills. Undersocialization, low adaptation. Pedagogical neglect	E: Corrective role-playing game for modeling the right relationships with others N: Corporal punishment, restriction of basic needs, mirror response
Over 4 years old				Contact specialists: a psychologist and a neurologist - to determine the causes of aggression in a child. Parent school is also a great way to overcome some parenting mistakes.

By the way! Deliberate scattering of things can also be a manifestation of the lack of formation of emotional-volitional processes. Don't let this behavior turn into manipulation.

Weaning Methods

The table above summarizes effective and ineffective adult strategies for biting children. We will analyze useful corrective techniques in more detail.

Purchase of teethers

Stop at the classic shape and material - a silicone ring with massage elements. The chewing toy has no right to impose any stereotypes, for example, imitate food, images of living beings or the sounds they make.

A child already at this age must strictly distinguish between what can be chewed and what items are prohibited. Pain gels are naturally hypoallergenic and doctor approved.

Ay! Hurt!

Timely activation of altruism (a year and a half is the optimal age) will positively affect the future character of a small person. It is important that the word “hurt” is not accompanied by an imitation of fear or disappointment.

It is better to put indignation and surprise into intonation. The subsequent temporary suspension of the game is not necessary for punishment, they say, “You are bad, I don’t want to play with you,” but to reduce mental arousal, which led to a loss of control. In other words, the child did not bite because he wanted to do it, but simply could not contain the emotional outburst.

“Sorry! Look, he's crying"

The formation of sympathy and empathy in children is another important pedagogical task for moms and dads. The ability to assess the emotional state of an interlocutor or a game partner is a defining skill in communication at the next age stage - pre-school, when the baby will be forced to reckon with the opinion of the group, social rules and family traditions.

It is best to appeal to children's sympathy and repentance for the offense inflicted through theatricalization:

A soft toy may cry. It is best to temporarily switch to glove puppets. They are easier to revive, they are better perceived by children as alive. It will not be difficult for a resourceful parent to imitate the sounds of crying, sobbing, and even real wet tears!
If aggression is directed at an adult, it is even easier to show the emotions of resentment and sadness. Even the most brutal dad can turn away, rub his eyes, whimper and complain about the pain. In the upcoming games, reinforce the material with the help of cards with emotion masks. It would be appropriate to use the constructions “Show how you smile / are sad ...”

Useful Tales

Since ancient times, the fairy tale has helped the older generation in a simple and accessible form to explain to children the complex laws of the world around them. Through a fairy tale, not only folk wisdom is transmitted, but also family traditions. Therefore, when choosing fairy tales for reading, think in advance whether their content corresponds to your ideas about raising the younger generation. What do you want to teach children?

In addition to folk tales, there are so-called therapeutic ones. You need to read them, like ordinary ones, in the middle of the day or at night. The only difference is that after such a fairy tale, an adult with children must necessarily have a conversation according to the scheme recommended by the author of the fairy tale.

You need to select fairy tales according to the general idea: to normalize communication. For example, to read famous stories about Cinderella and Snow White, while pointing out that both girls are kind, affectionate, attentive. Model girl. It will become clear to the child that goals can be achieved not by physical strength, but by patient waiting, polite requests and beauty. In the end, both girls became princesses.

For boys, you can choose a brave tailor or the Nutcracker as a reference hero. A prerequisite for reading any fairy tale is a dialogue with the child as the plot develops.

Literature:

Z. Brocket, G. Schreiber. " The healing power of fairy tales»;

N. Radina. " Stories and fairy tales in psychological practice»;

A. Kapskaya, T. Mironchik. " Fairy gifts. Developing fairy tale therapy for children»;

O. Khukhlaeva. " Therapeutic fairy tales in correctional work with children».

For a biting toddler, it is easiest to come up with a story about a biting cat.

The gist of the story:

The cat was very beautiful, sweet and charming, until someone reached out to pet her. It turns out that the poor thing was offended by evil boys, and now she quarrels even with those; who wants to be friends with her for real.

Questions for the child:

Do you think biting kitty will have friends?

And why?

And what does kitty need to do to find friendship?

Role-playing games

The game is the favorite and most understandable way for children to develop skills. And in the context of the topic, we are talking about communication and social skills. Invite the biting girl to play mother-daughter. Wouldn't she bite her "baby" for misdeeds or crying in a stroller?

Entrust the young biter with the training of an impromptu army of fighters from soft toys or neighbor boys. Let him choose the right words and actions, and bites will gradually become an ineffective means of achieving goals.

Revisiting Parenting Style

Children imitate their parents in many ways in expressing negative emotions. The child's psyche unpredictably refracts parental experience. And where the mother yells at the father in conflicts, the child may well begin to bite. Try not to let the kids witness family quarrels. And be sure to exclude from the list of educational measures destructive:

directives in a rude tone;
transition to cry;
threats to “give him away to an orphanage”, “take him out to the field”, etc.;
assault: from slaps to beatings.

Beating children seriously and constantly is not recommended by any specialist in pedagogy. Physical punishment does not generate authority, but fear - a bad adviser. But some people, such as the famous doctor Komarovsky, allow small slaps on the soft spot - as a way to switch the baby's attention.

It is important for dad and mom to discuss the parenting style with grandparents so that children do not find themselves between the despotism of their fathers and the connivance of their grandfathers. It is desirable that all family members use the same rules and make equal demands on the child.

A bad example is contagious

Sometimes parents express their love for each other with gentle nibbles or “scratches”. In the relations of adults, such tenderness is acceptable, but the child takes it too literally and therefore reproduces it incorrectly.

If the baby is over 3 years old, explain that you don’t need to hurt to express love, but it’s better to deprive the baby of the opportunity to observe the “animal” relationships of the parents for now.

Aggression vector

A high level of anxiety, the causes of which must be clarified by a specialist, pushes children to rash actions, affects. An imbalance of energy arises from the imperfection of the psyche. To redirect aggression in a positive direction, enroll the bully in swimming, martial arts, or a creative studio.

Redirecting children's energy is good advice for those mothers who notice any signs of anxiety in a 3-4 year old baby: restless sleep, uncontrolled physical activity, decreased concentration, laziness, apathy, appetite fluctuations, frequent tantrums or causeless tears.

What Not to Do to Parents

During the period of weaning children from bad habits, parents have time to try a lot of tricks, including prohibited ones.

The secret of raising any child is very simple - you need to act consistently and methodically, without jumping from one system to another. Choose one line of conduct and follow it. The result does not always appear immediately.

There are children who need several repetitions of one situation in order to master a certain experience. Be patient and persevere, but avoid doing what you can't do.

Breast punishment. A reasonable parent understands that not a single action of a newborn is performed “on purpose”, “out of spite”, “out of a sense of revenge”. The baby simply lives in accordance with natural laws, and his body reacts as written in the genetic program. Painful pinches or bites are an accident and the result of an imperfect nervous system.
Abrupt termination of the game. In a year, one and a half and even two, this method works against the parents themselves. The child does not yet understand the social reason for the “offense” of adults. The sharp removal of the mother from the game and communication creates additional tension. In psychology, there are two interrelated concepts - deprivation (limitation) and frustration (acute experience of this limitation). It is useful for young mothers to know about them.
Ignore policy. There is no punishment in the world of animals and humans worse than ignoring! Showing indifference to the needs of an already grown baby really works. But in 2-3 years it is better not to experiment with this technique. The way out is kindergarten and participation in any stable children's group.
Empty "can't". Forbidding words “Stop!”, “No!”, “No!” familiar to children from early childhood. Usually these words are directly related to security. If you want to bite, the violation of safety is relative and may not be entirely clear to the child. It's better to use a structure like this: "Don't bite (...name), he might hit you back." Then the warning takes on the necessary meaning. But be prepared for the fact that the child will check if the rule works and get his retaliatory blow.
Deprivation of entertainment. "I'll take your toy/tablet/new dress if you bite again!" How are incorrect emotional reactions of the baby related to his social needs? That's right, indirectly! But even you, an adult, are hardly able to draw a logical chain. And the girl does not understand at all what the dress is to blame for. The situation is even worse for those children who are deprived of vital necessities for bad behavior: food, drink, sleep, movement, protection and information.
Physical punishment. It's not just about beating with a belt and weighty cuffs. Families practice techniques such as taping their mouths with tape, washing with soapy water or bitter brew. Even slaps on the lips can be challenged and classified as cruelty.

The secret of proper punishment is both simple and very complex: It is not man who punishes man. Mom and dad should always remain the guarantor of reliable rear for the baby. Therefore, punishment is the result of a violation of the rules, and it is directed not at the child, but at his behavior. It sounds really difficult, but there is nothing impossible in the implementation of this principle.

Important! After punishing the baby, be sure to explain to him. Let him know that you still love your cub and are very upset about how he is unrestrained in behavior and endangers his own health or life. remember, that children need to be hugged several times a day, even if you are in a quarrel. Security is a basic human need.

Mirror response. If you are not sure about the effectiveness of the reception, it is better not to answer the children in the style of "tit for tat". Here it is easy to violate the principle of punishment, voiced in the previous paragraph. The parent must not exhibit incorrect behavior. It is better to correctly ignore the bite - an element of behavior, and not the entire child's personality!

Watch the video in which child psychologist Marina Romanenko shares in great detail practical advice on ridding a child of this bad habit.

Bites in kindergarten: how to be parents

In the conditions of a kindergarten, the usual home crying and whims cease to work, and boys and girls spoiled by personal attention begin to bite, scratch and throw toys.

Toddlers may also be unaccustomed to noise, violation of personal boundaries, the requirements of caregivers. The response emotion is the same - anger, but in its expression there is a replacement with actions that are more effective from the point of view of the baby. And now the child does not cry, but starts to fight.

Your biting yourself

If your child can strongly pinch or bite a friend and you know about it, warn the teachers in advance. Be sure to prevent conflict by explaining that you are already working on the problem, but need pedagogical supervision during the daytime when you are not around.

If the incident happened for the first time and became an unpleasant surprise for you, do not rush to scold the conflicter. Talk to him and find out why the child bites a comrade, what object or event was the reason for sorting out the relationship, whether it was an attack or protection from an alien intrusion into personal space. Otherwise, choose the effect according to the table above.

Others bite you

Controlling yourself is difficult, but necessary. Try to respond thoughtfully and without haste. Talk to your child first. Clarify the situation, as in the previous case. Ask the baby for a while not to create provocations. And do not set the child against a friend!

If possible, do not enter into conflict with the parents of the offender - act through the educators. They are more diplomatic in dealing with such matters. A consultation shared by two families with a social educator or a full-time kindergarten psychologist can also be useful.

Important! Don't make the common parenting mistake of trying to secretly intimidate a bully. This will only increase the confrontation with his parents, and the child himself can do harm.

If he pinches and fights

Biting, scratching, fighting, destruction are all links in the same chain. Children do not know any other way to survive stress, except to express their emotions outside. Other mechanisms are simply not formed yet.

Multiple and systematic signs of aggression in children are not the most positive symptom. It may be time for your family to see a specialist. Quite common are cases when the behavior of healthy children is diagnostic for a family psychologist.

Prevent aggression. Aggressive behavior is a sign of imbalance in the family atmosphere. Perhaps there has recently been a move, a stressful situation or the death of one of the relatives, the birth of a younger one, or even the acquisition of a pet. To prevent future problems, discuss your questions with a consultant. Learn to control anger outbursts in children.
Switch your attention. Before aggression breaks out, switch the child's attention to another toy. A new activity or an interesting event from the outside world. Anger will disappear by itself, and the nervous system will gain experience in controlling its own arousal. This recommendation is especially important to those parents who are faced with the choleric temperament of a little rebel.
Hold the child. When you don’t know what to do, instead of physical punishment or lectures, just hug the child tightly and chat with him with any questions. This is an element of holding therapy that is used by psychologists even with non-speaking children. Note: sometimes a holding technique provokes an increase in an attack of aggression. In this case, alas, you will have to wait and let the baby go only when he stops resisting.
Offer food. Another simple way to explain to a fool that his behavior is inappropriate is to offer something that can really bite and gnaw. For example, for a 1-year-old who is prone to biting, keep fruit in your pocket: “Do you want to bite me? No. I don't like. Bite your apple!” Eventually it will turn into a funny joke.
Talk about feelings. Instead of biting or pinching your child back, talk to him about how it feels. Note - not about feelings! Demonstrate what pain is. Be sure to warn that you are doing this for educational purposes: “Look, you pinched me. I can pinch you back. Here, feel for yourself." Your impact should be really unpleasant, but not making the baby cry!
Sympathize with the victim. It works well from 2-2.5 years. The offended person receives attention and protection, no one supports the offender. But do not overdo it with sympathy so that your child does not begin to imitate pain, wanting to get your attention. You must be sure that you give your child enough affection, then his excessive jealousy is another pedagogical problem.
Support but disapprove. Children tend to make mistakes and break taboos. Even scolded for another bite, still continue to be an affectionate parent. Remember that you disapprove of only one element of behavior, and not the whole personality of your child. Give the situation time, don't demand a quick result.

Watch another video with helpful tips for parents.

Cause for Concern: When You Need a Doctor

If you cannot cope with irritability and aggressive behavior for a long time, it is better to step over your pride and visit the office of a neurologist and psychologist. No one is interested in branding a child as deviant (deviations), but if everything is left as it is, the harm will increase. Be sure to consult and get recommendations from a neurologist if:

There is a speech delay that prevents the baby from reaching mutual understanding with others verbally.
The behavior combines different types of aggressive manifestations: verbal, facial, physical.
The child is already over 4 years old and continues to ignore the ban on biting.
The fighter experiences a clear psycho-emotional arousal or even pleasure, causing pain to others.
The attacks of rage are not associated with obvious conflicts for any resources.
Shows aggression towards pets.
He sleeps and eats poorly, does not absorb educational information, refuses to play with adults and peers.

The picture turned out to be ugly. Do not rush to attribute any pathologies to your baby. Wanting to bite and biting in the process of forming behavior are completely different psychological structures.

Deviant behavior, the signs of which are not noticed until 4-5 years old, is a huge rarity due to the attentiveness of family members and the annual observation of a neurologist and psychologist in polyclinics. Most likely, your baby is simply formed according to his own individual scenario. Your job is to support and guide.

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Parents are looking forward to the eruption of the first teeth. Still would! The kid grows by leaps and bounds, matures. Alas, change is not always for the better. And this is natural. But what if it's quiet and calm child all of a sudden started biting mom and dad, fight, pull hair, pinch, in a word, go beyond the boundaries of what is permitted in every possible way. Don't panic, let's find out why child bites then everything will fall into place.

Why do children bite?

Basic cause such audacious behavior are emotions which are common to all people, even very small ones. Most often, children adopt manners and ways of emotional self-expression from their parents. In families where adults are calm and balanced, do not speak in raised tones, relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. Therefore, the child is unlikely to be bite.

By biting, the baby can express anger, jealousy or resentment. As a rule, biting children are not independent, parents decide a lot for them, punishing them for disobedience. The kid feels negative, therefore, he shows his emotions in a similar way: starts biting.

Bad emotional background makes children nervous. They are more prone to bad habits and often bite their nails and pick their nose in parallel with biting. This is a kind of protest on the part of the baby, who still does not know how to express his thoughts in words and uses the means available to him. Holding back emotions, in turn, can develop a mental state called the "hyperactive child."

Biting happens to provoke and positive emotions such as joy, delight. Missing dad, the baby can bite him when he returns from work. The child is delighted, runs towards him, hugs, and then suddenly bites his hand. It's just hard for him to show his feelings in a different way.

Take a look at yourself. Probably a child lacks your his attention, and he tries to win it by all available means. Often, a mother is bitten during a long conversation on the phone, when the baby becomes bored and tired of waiting.

Common mistakes parents make:

Try to give back. Even a light bite demonstrates to the child that biting is not forbidden. After all, our children learn everything from US and imitate US. What is impossible for a child is impossible for a mother.
Pretend you're crying. Often, children perceive mother's pretense as something like a game or performance, which is very exciting for the child. The kid will wait for the continuation of the game and repeat his actions in order to force his mother to show the “performance” again.
Shame the child. The meaning of the words "Shame on you!" due to age, it is little understood by the baby. He learns about shame much later.

Psychologists' advice:

Change of activity will help relieve tension and nervousness. It is effective to alternate calm activities (drawing or reading fairy tales) with sports games.

Parents need to figure out when and under what circumstances the child most often bites. Provocative situations should be avoided in the future. Try to explain to your child that it is so indecent to express your emotions in a society of normal people and aggressive behavior is unacceptable. Speak with confidence, in a calm tone, and, most importantly, regularly so that the baby learns everything.

- As soon as the child hurts you, say "it hurts" or "it hurts me." Explain that this is not a game. The same applies to situations if the child fights. No need to shout and swear. Firmly, abruptly intercept the hand and make it impossible to hit. If after that the child raised his hand again, try to move away. Explain that you don't like being treated like this. After such an attempt, you should not take the child in your arms, but you should not bring him to screaming and desperate crying either. Just walk away, repeating that his behavior is unpleasant for you. For example, if you were playing together, pause the game and leave the room. Confirm the words with action. And be sure to make it clear to the child that it is not he who is bad, but his act.

- When you notice that a child is moving towards another baby with the clear intention of biting, cover his mouth with your hand. This way you will prevent the bite. Say emphatically that "biting is bad and unacceptable." The main thing is to act strictly and decisively so that the baby understands how ugly he is acting. In such situations, absolutely all family members must adhere to the same line of behavior, support each other, demonstrating to the child that such behavior is not approved of.

- If the child still managed to bite another baby - reassure both. Often the bite is so painful that the bitten child becomes hysterical and cries loudly. The offender is also frightened, as a result, both sob. After the children calm down, sit down in front of your baby, look into his eyes and calmly say that "you should never bite people, they are hurt and unpleasant, and in general - there is food for this."

- Do not push the child away if he bursts into tears, but hug, pick up, caress and take pity. After all, your goal is not to offend and humiliate the baby, but simply to explain that it is not good to do this. Be consistent so that words do not diverge from deeds. Mom says - you can’t fight, pinch and bite - that means you can’t under any circumstances, anywhere and never. If you constantly adhere to such a policy, then after a while the child will forget about this behavior.

Ways to wean a child to bite:

Calm moral conversation. When talking to your child, look him straight in the eye. Sit down so that communication is on an equal footing, and not haughtily. Hug the baby and say quietly that you are unhappy with his act, and not with him.

You can’t punish a child if he bites, because this only reinforces the negative emotional coloring of the baby’s behavior. He will stop biting, but the emotions driven deep will spill out at an older age and develop into new behavioral problems.

Exercises that contribute to the development of speech, finger games will help to correct the child's behavior. Having learned to speak, the baby will be able to express everything in words, and the need for biting will disappear by itself.

Much attention should be paid to nutrition. Vegetables and fruits are introduced into the “biters” diet, which must be chewed thoroughly. Carrots, turnips or apples are fine. Let the child bite the food better, then he will be less likely to bite people or animals. In addition, the chewing process is very good for digestion, as well as strengthens the muscles of the face and speeds up speech development.

Many problems in education are primarily due to age, the next stage in the development of the crumbs. As a rule, children bite at the age of 1-2 years. Competent behavior of adults, love for your child and patience can overcome any difficulties. All will pass

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