Only marriages are accidental, and you need to take a reliable person as a lover! (quote). Jokes: lovers and mistresses Only marriages are random

A romantic friend cannot be compared with a husband, try to find him better than that or, conversely, worse. It is important that he just be different. He should give you what is so lacking in a built family life: romance, finances, reliability, attention and care, support, and everything else that is missing. Meetings take place as long as the two are well with each other, and no one owes anything to anyone. After all, love is the basis of such a connection, and therefore, the word that calls these people is chosen so not without reason. Therefore, some married women with their companion on the side feel much happier than others in a legal marriage.

It would seem that things are going well, and the family is built, and life is established, but something is missing for a woman to be completely happy. What exactly draws a lady to the side?

• love;
• a husband is not needed (if the woman is not married), a stable relationship is not important, but you want someone to warm up at your side;
• sexual needs (or unsatisfied in the marital bed, or the desire for diversity);
• I do not want to associate myself with a permanent man (if not married now);
• support and financial security.

What is he?

What kind of lover should be, so that both the soul and the body are pleased? Of course, first of all, you need to take a reliable person as a lover. This condition goes beyond the competition and lists. But recommendations for ladies on how to choose the right lover, what mistakes cannot be forgiven, will not interfere - this is a delicate matter.

• Take care of health and contraception. Of course, sometimes such scrupulousness can cause rejection and embarrassment, but if you think that male foresight is good for both you and your companion, then you should agree with such integrity. After all, it is the man who is responsible for the health of his family, and therefore he will treat you with the same care and accuracy. Which certainly will not be harmful to your own health - but you will be sure that you can be calm for your future. It is also good when a man is neat and well-groomed. Concerning protection: it is necessary to determine who is responsible for what and how you will solve this issue from the very beginning. Do not chase thrills and trust a professional - a condom. So you will be calmer, and avoid unnecessary questions in which case. No matter what the gentleman says about his comfort, about how unusual it is, and so on, his own health depends only on you and personal perseverance in certain matters. Think about your future and how you are able to solve all sorts of issues on your own.
• The work and work interests of a friend should be autonomous from the work zone of the spouse (and yours, in fact). You can be quite uncomfortable in a situation where you suddenly find out that all the interest of a friend in you was caused by the desire to solve their issues related to their husband or you. Or a passionate desire to take revenge on a spouse or find out some confidential information. And spending time together will someday be very successfully combined with his “working” interests. In addition, when the mutual romance ends, you will have to continue to work together with the person with whom the communication is no longer so pleasant.

• Free work and personal schedule. The busier a friend is in intrigue, the more difficult it will be not only to hide the connection, but also to find time for solitary meetings in general. The work schedule is from morning until late at night, without lunch breaks and business trips, home time is under the total control of the spouse - and meetings are minimized and equal to the New Year's gift in frequency. But the sliding schedule is the most for intimate meetings. He told his wife - at work, colleagues and management - that he was at home, and on his way to his mistress.
• friend's tact. To start with giving gifts is a very delicate moment and requires a careful approach. The gift should be inconspicuous and delicately chosen, as well as presented on time - without random witnesses and prying eyes. And, of course, unnoticed at home - you never know who could give you a bouquet or perfume, colleagues or even yourself. Therefore, often romantic impulses will be in second place after a sense of self-preservation and rationality. The issue of aromas and perfumes is very important: the closer the smell of a romantic friend's cologne to the preferences of her husband, the safer you are.
• Sexual compatibility. Actually, this was the reason for the meetings, because exactly how they are held is an important factor. After all, not only for the sake of "talking", even if this is also not enough at home. In addition, external attractiveness should pull, the heart stops, the legs buckle or other signs that say: he! Also, this item may include the availability of affordable housing - otherwise the search for permanent apartments and rooms will greatly affect the psychological state and comfort.
• The ability to remain silent about the important. Women choose lovers in whom they can be sure - in reliability, stability, that they can be trusted. Much can be forgiven to a partner in a novel, but one cannot forgive a lover for the desire to quickly and constantly spread information about the current novel. It also does not hurt to listen to exactly how he speaks of his previous partners, if he speaks at all. The more and more detailed he shares his impressions with you, the more likely it is that after some time you will also be on their list. And various intimate details of a life together with him will become public, in detail.
• A married lover should have a requirement for a man that she will never say out loud, but for her safety she should present: he must have a flaw that she is not ready to put up with if their relationship were on an ongoing basis. So that there is no desire to make something more out of the novel, so that this affair can be left as a temporary whim. It would be nice to keep a married man as a gentleman - then the temptation to build permanent relationships disappears much faster.
• Don't be intrusive. Numerous text messages, constant spy calls, attempts to control and monitor actions, movements - this very quickly tires and instead of showing feelings, it becomes like persecution.
• Don't be mean. For many, such an object is already at home.

Do not complicate your life with excessive requirements for a companion - he will not be with you for life, but it is enough to satisfy basic needs when communicating with him to make it comfortable. More positive emotions and impressions, more comfort and safety - in all aspects. Of course, there are enough idealistic requirements in this list, but not all items must be present, everyone will find those points that are especially important to him.

How should a lover behave with his lady of the heart? A lot has been said on this topic, for example, the basic rules can already be seen in the requirements of a woman to her friend:

• take good care of your health;
• be tactful and delicate;
• diversify sexual life;
• keep silent in time, especially about your girlfriends or wife, as well as intimate exploits. Do not advertise the relationship - even if it gives additional bonuses to a friend;
• do not strain your girlfriend with your actions, control, excessive attention. Do not try to improve it, develop it, make it a more perfect being - she has a husband for this;
• be generous with gifts and compliments;
• remember that her safety is in the hands of a man;
• do not seek to quarrel with your spouse or even take away from the family. Regardless of the goals that a man may pursue.

Every woman is looking for something of her own outside of marriage, satisfies some requests. But it is worth remembering that you should also work on yourself - what will you bring to the connection, how will you please your companion, so that he wants to please you. And although psychology knows many cases when a happy marriage began precisely with adultery, you should not count on this as a pattern - often the story ends with a breakup.

In the life of almost every woman, there comes a time "H", when she realizes that she needs to fall in love. "I want to have a lover!" - many women think, but not everyone decides to fulfill what they want. Meanwhile, the best way to get rid of temptation is to succumb to it. After all, you can start, educate and leave a lover on time without any consequences for the family hearth.
In order not to leave the cart of a boring family life in the middle of the road, a woman needs gentle strokes, powerful touches of strong male hands and affectionate words whispered in her ear. And, tired, she, falling asleep, whispers to herself: “That's it. I can not go on. I just need to fall in love. Seriously fall in love, in order to die from the desire to simply breathe the same air with a person, so that butterflies settle in the stomach, yes, yes, butterflies, and also to feel two hot circles of blood circulation.

This is poetry. And for some time she becomes the meaning of a woman's life, she pushes her to look for a lover. And there is nothing reprehensible in this, because mistresses and lovers are a kind of amnesty for married people.

But before a woman decides to move from words to deeds, her soul will be subjected to her own moral torture. Two angels - white and black - will cross their swords, trying to win over the hostess to their side. The good girl inside the woman will categorically declare: "A lover is evil, this is a violation of the husband's copyright law on his wife as his own property." The bad girl will balk: "I'm not his property!" The white angel will smile sadly and wisely say: "A lover is the second disappointment of a married woman." Black will sarcastically remark: “A lover needs only one thing from you, but give your husband the first, second, and compote.” But whatever they tell you, let common sense and female intuition win. Let a one-night stand adventure, a holiday or office romance, or maybe even a long road in the dunes happen to you.

How to choose a lover

The lover should not be better or worse than the husband. It just has to be different! It's the most important. He must compensate for the woman everything that she lacks in the family. And each representative of the fair sex needs her own unique puzzle in the mosaic of relationships, but at the same time, all lovers should still have common features.

“Only marriages are accidental,” my grandmother used to tell me. - And you need to take a reliable person as a lover ... "

And that's right. After all, the lover will have to follow the rules of conspiracy with you in order to protect your immaculate reputation as a respectable wife from dirty gossip.

So, a non-random lover should ...

• Keep your mouth shut.


• Love spy games: do not send sms without permission, write only to a personal email address and call at a strictly allotted time.


• Do not be intrusive and capricious.


• Respect your right to family life and recognize the priority of this right.


• Provide financial support as needed.


• To have a sense of humor combined with a philosophical outlook, touching romance with a rational sober view of things, an unquenchable interest in sex without manic fanaticism.


• To show attention and care in everything ... without any demand for reciprocal caresses.

Love and Bonuses

No matter how disinterested and romantic a woman is known to be, when she has a lover, she always counts on certain bonuses. All these benefits have been known since time immemorial. How can you promote your loved one? For sex, attention, care, position in society, career growth, gifts, money and useful acquaintances. But the main thing that all women dream of is to unwind a lover for love ...
Love is always good, even if it hurts, like an operation without anesthesia, even if it's scary, like a parachute jump. Good, because love opens us to ourselves, opens us to the world, and the world, renewed and beautiful, gives us the joy of life. Love exacerbates all feelings and sensations, changes the attitude towards people, outlook on life, teaches sympathy and empathy, makes us cleaner, better, more resourceful, more cunning, more jealous, more attractive.

Benefits for the husband

By the way, one way or another, the legal spouse also extracts the pluses from the wife's love adventure. A woman begins to selflessly monitor her figure and appearance, she is almost always in high spirits: she sings in the kitchen, is more patient with her husband and children, does not scream or cry for no reason, referring to PMS. Meanwhile, the need to receive compliments and gifts from her husband is significantly reduced, and a slight feeling of guilt makes a woman in love pay more attention to children, cook tastier and create an atmosphere of universal love. An undoubted plus is that a new sexual experience instills self-confidence in a woman, liberates her and can serve as an impetus for experiments in a marital bed.

The main thing is to approach the issue wisely and not arouse unnecessary suspicion. Tell your husband that the erotic movie you recently watched at a bachelorette party suggested new sexual positions. And a late return home - the preparation of a quarterly report, for which you will definitely receive a bonus in a week. Do you think I'm asking you to lie? No, I'm just asking you not to destroy the nest that was built with such difficulty with your new outburst of emotions. Take care of your husband and children - they are the closest people in your life and should never become hostages of your happiness.

It's good to love a married man

A good lover is a married lover. Therefore, it is best to choose a married lover. Then you will spend all the holidays with your families and without offense. A married man cherishes his marriage and does not want a divorce just like you. He is simply tired of family monotony and is looking for understanding in your arms. Give each other this understanding without hurting your loved ones. Believe that it is in your power to protect them from disappointment.

A married man will not blackmail you and deliberately leave evidence of your affair in order to spoil the mood of your spouse. A married man is also a husband. And therefore, you will not need to cook borscht for him or wash his shirts. All this will be done by his wife. So your household skills will be applied exclusively for their intended purpose and only in your family.

It's time to part

Love is beautiful, but it has one problem. She passes. By the way, determining the time for parting is not so simple. It comes sometimes before the hormones of love finally subside. It's like saturation. You eat, you eat, but your hunger is not satisfied. But you know for sure that it's time to stop, that in fifteen minutes you will feel not just satiety, but satiety from food. It's the same in novels. The moment of parting must be felt with the skin. It cannot be delayed, it cannot be stretched out for years, for a time during which you can experience many more beautiful adventures.

I know for sure that, before becoming the initiator of a break, every woman remembers Antoine de Saint-Exupery's favorite fairy tale from childhood "The Little Prince" and the phrase: "We are responsible for those we have tamed." As soon as a woman remembers them, she begins to suffer and suffer from the fact that the person she decided to leave will not be able to breathe without her. And why do we have such delusions of grandeur? Dudki! How else can he!

If you really want to get rid of an annoying lover, do it wisely. Let him think that he left you. Men who “leave” women are very generous: they often give them the last gifts, make money “as a sacrifice”, put useful little things on the altar of love in order to somehow atone for their guilt.

If your lover does not understand the hints and is not going to leave you, take the reins of government into your own hands. There are two ways: eco-friendly and non-environmental. Non-environmental - without explanation, become a bitch: be rude, offended, demand money, constantly talk about your husband with tenderness, refuse sex, reduce meetings to a minimum and arrange an information blockade, up to changing your mobile phone number, until he himself howls from your behavior.

The eco-friendly way comes down to a banal honest conversation. Simple and effective. No need to spit in the soul, no need to be cunning - you just need to frankly say that you are grateful for the good that once was between you, but now you are no longer on your way.

Based on the article by Diana Balyko "The Temptation of a Married Woman".

Question on the men's forum.

An urgent question. I need an advice. Thank you in advance. Some time ago, I began to suspect my wife of going "to the left." Everything is as usual.
If I answer phone calls, they hang up. She began to meet often “with her girlfriends”, when I ask with whom exactly, she replies that I don’t know them anyway. I always wait for the taxi she takes home, but she comes around the corner of the house, so I can't see what kind of car it is.
One day I took her cell phone to see what time it was, she got so mad and forbade me to touch it. Anyway, I never mentioned it to her. I guess I would never want to know the truth, but last night, when she left for no reason, I became interested. I decided to hide behind my car - from there a wonderful view of the whole street opens up and I can see which car she gets into. I squatted down by my car and suddenly noticed that the brake discs on the front wheel had some kind of spots that looked like rust.
Tell me, is it possible to ride with such disks or do I need to grind them, and if I need to change, is it possible to put a non-original one, or if so, which one is better? I really hope for your qualified help in this important issue for me.

An English aristocrat calls home from the club late in the evening. The servant picks up the phone.
- Volume?
- Yes, sir!
- Go check what my wife is doing. A minute later, Tom returns and calmly reports:
- Sleeping with you, sir!
- What?! Tom, take a gun from my office and shoot them both! Do not hang up: as you kill, you will report.
Twenty minutes later the servant answers the phone:
- Hello? Done sir!
"Tom, why did you take so long with them?"
- Couldn't hit your wife, sir. She ran around the fountain in the living room.
- What are you talking about, Tom? I don't have a fountain in my living room!
- Excuse me, sir, but there is a fountain.
“Oh shit, looks like I dialed the wrong number again…”

A woman comes to her husband's office and finds her husband sitting on a chair with his secretary on his knees! The husband, without losing his presence of mind, pretends to dictate:
- Despite the financial crisis of our company, the purchase of a second chair is a must!

Somehow in one office they started talking about traffic cops. Well, everyone shares excuses with colleagues in front of gays in case of violation.
One employee says:
- When they slow me down for speeding, I say, like: “The boss, sorry, the neighbor called and said: some boyfriend came to my house. One hundred percent option - always let go!
Well, everyone laughed, praised him for his resourcefulness and forgot about it.
About two weeks later, one employee was two hours late for work. She came very angry and said:
- Estimate, I exceeded the speed limit, a traffic cop slows me down, well, I told him, they say: the boss, so and so, the neighbor called, said that some bitch came to my house as soon as I left for work. Well, you understand, I lost my nerves, now I’ll come and scratch out the eyes of both of them. So he, the bastard, wrote down the protocol for a long, long time, and wrote down my home phone number, and examined the car, and checked the first-aid kit, and opened the hood, and looked into the trunk ...

Vovochka says to mom:
- Mom, every night I wake up from the noise in your bedroom. Today I looked and saw that it was you jumping on dad.
- Yes ... well ... you see, dad has a very big belly, and I want it to be thinner, and I tamp it ...
“You won’t succeed,” Vovochka says.
- Why?
- Because every morning, after you leave for work, a neighbor comes and inflates him again.

My husband came home from work early. He enters the bedroom, and there is his wife in bed.
- What are you up to?
- Oh, something with the heart. Go to the pharmacy, buy medicine!
The husband leaves the room, and there is the son.
- What are you doing here?
- Yes, there (nods at the bedroom) Uncle Borya is hiding in the closet.
The husband returns to the bedroom, opens the closet, and there is neighbor Boris.
- Borya, what are you, ofigel? My wife is dying, and you and your son are playing hide-and-seek!

Two women are on the train. One complains:
- Not life, but longing. Money is never enough!
- So get yourself a lover, but take 500 bucks a month from him!
- Where can I get this?
- Well, get two for 250.
Yes, it's also problematic.
- Then 4 to 125!
Top shelf guy
- Get to 5 bucks - wake up.

The wife began to suspect her husband of treason and hired a detective to find out everything once and for all. A week later, a detective comes and gives her printouts of his telephone conversations, and it says so! In the evening, the wife, angry from the threshold, throws a piece of paper to her husband.
He reads, grows sad, turns pale, then doomedly says:
- Well, what are we going to do now?
She, in a rage, poking at a piece of paper:
- Today, this, this, and the entire fifth paragraph!

The wife is having fun with her lover, suddenly hears, the husband begins to open the door. The woman falls to her knees
- Lord, if you exist, make sure that the lover disappears and the husband does not notice anything, then I will bear any punishment!
A loud voice is heard from above:
- Fine! But for this you will die from water!
The lover disappeared, the apartment was tidied up and the husband did not notice anything. 3 years have passed. The woman all this time avoided water in every possible way, but then she got a free ticket to a round-the-world sea voyage. As soon as the shore disappeared from sight, a terrible storm began. The aunt remembers the promise, prays:
- Lord, kill me, I deserve it, but don't let the rest of the innocent passengers die!?
- Shut up! I've been collecting you, damn it, for three years on this ship!

“Only marriages are accidental,” said one grandmother. “And you need to take a reliable person as a lover ...”

8 months ago

And remember, - says the grandmother, - in the life of every woman there should be only one big love.
- And who was your great love, grandmother?
- Sailors...

As my grandmother used to say:
- Never be afraid of old age!

The grandmother stops the young man and asks:
- Son, how can I get to the hospital?
- Well, grandmother, for example, go out onto the road ...

My grandmother always said: "Granddaughter, always tell people the truth and only the truth, and then, look, nonsense will pass."

Mom, do frogs wear glasses?
- Of course not!
- So, this grandmother swims in the pond ...

It turns out that in childhood, Trump and Macron had the same favorite fairy tale - Little Red Riding Hood, only Trump liked the girl more, and Macron liked the grandmother.

Alcohol is an excellent solvent. It dissolves marriages, friendships, families, jobs, bank accounts, livers and brains. But just not a problem.

As my grandmother used to say: everything that does not kill us can be done again

My mother told me that in order to keep a man, you have to be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in bed. So, I hired the first two, and now I take on only the bed.

Two blondes came to the zoo. One of the blondes lingered for a while at the cage with the monkeys.
- What are you doing here? her friend asks.
“I want to see how some ape turns into a man.
- Stupid! To do this, you need to stand here for a whole year!

There are European countries, and there are Central European countries. Cosmic, you know, the difference.

A woman is like a fancy phone - there are many functions, but only one is needed, but in order to use it, you need to connect an extremely unfavorable tariff.

Men are like books: some are boring, some are interesting, and sometimes money is hidden in them.

Do you have rapes in Ivanovo?
- Of course, there are. Therefore, men try not to go outside in the evenings.

Doctor, do you make mistakes?
- Yes, there are, but we bury them!

As my grandmother used to say: it's better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask "Who's there?"

I'm sitting here thinking...
It was as if my grandmother said that all the best things were produced in the Soviet Union...
They don't make people like me anymore!

A violinist stands in the African savannah and plays the violin awesomely.
A lion came up, lay down two steps away and listened. Two more lions came up and lay down and listened. Then the fourth one brings down the violinist and eats. In a neighboring tree, one monkey says to another:
- I told you, as soon as the deaf man comes, the music will end!

Mom! My lips are chapped!
- I told you - winter on the street! Pants need to be warm!

Stirlitz, a Russian intelligence agent works in our department, only three people know about it: me, him, and now you.
- Parteigenosse, only two people knew about it, because he is me, but now only one person knows about it, because you just drank poisoned whiskey.