Problem child or problem parent? Problem children. Problem child, working with problem children

Lyudmila Vladimirovna Kundenok
Problem children - the problem of education

PROBLEM CHILDREN? – PROBLEM IN EDUCATION.

In the morning, an irritated mother brought Sveta to the kindergarten. She spoke to the child in high tones. The mother responded to the whims of the child with verbal rudeness and assault. With what mood the child came to kindergarten is not difficult to guess. And what happens next in the group with this child? They don’t want to be friends with Sveta, she fights, plays with only two strong boys in the group, who are also not friendly. Her favorite cartoons about robots, where they shoot and kill. In the drawing class for the assignment educator Svetochka reacts with tears, doubts and complete rejection, operating on the fact that she never succeeds. For encouragement educator and to his question Why does she think so? The child replies that her mother's gift for the eighth of March was thrown into the trash because she did not like it.

But Denis, he refuses to study in the kindergarten group, and even interferes with others, with distractions educator with their cries, gets up and walks around the group. For comments teacher does not respond, such a demonstrative manner behavior: "I'm on my own and you don't tell me". Denis is the only late child in a wealthy family who is not denied anything by his parents. For comments and complaints educators about the behavior of the child, parents react negatively in their address: “... Everything is fine with us, but you you don't know how to educate. These are yours Problems».

Dear parents! Let's pose the main question. What is right raise a child? And who should bring up and take responsibility for raising your child.

"Paragraph 2, Article 14 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child" says that the right to upbringing is to give parents the opportunity to educate your children, independently choosing methods consistent with the developing abilities of the child. When exercising parental rights, parents have no right to harm the mental and physical health of children, their moral development. Ways education should exclude neglect, cruel and rude, degrading treatment, abuse and exploitation of children.

In addition to rights, parents are also responsible for upbringing and development of their children. Art. 47 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation says that parental rights arise from the moment the child is born and the state registration of paternity and motherhood.

Thus, the first teachers and caregivers The child is the father and mother, and the first life lessons the child receives in the family. It has long been established that for a child, common family everyday joys and sorrows, successes and failures are a source that gives rise to kindness and sensitivity, a caring attitude towards people. The family gives the child the first ideas about good and evil, about the norms of morality, about the rules of the hostel, the first labor skills. It is the most important factor influencing the formation of personality. It is in the family children simply and naturally join to life.

It is important not to forget that personal behavior was and remains the product of free will, and everything that "invested" into a baby, will return to you a hundredfold. Lack of parental love, lack of attention and care negatively affect the development of the child, even if mom and dad successfully satisfy all the others. (purely biological) the child's needs.

If a child is deprived of maternal love, care and proper care from early childhood - and such cases are not uncommon - then this is exactly how the cycle of violence develops. Violence breeds violence, and the child takes over the role of the abuser from his own parents. Before you take it in your hands, make a life sentence "nothing good will come of you in life" think What: constant criticism teaches the child to hate the whole world; making fun of shortcomings leads to closure and self-doubt; reproaches teach to live with guilt; hostility in the family teaches the child aggressiveness.

On this cautionary note, let's return to our Sveta, let's trace a short segment from her life in kindergarten. Frequent cases of coming to kindergarten in a bad mood, tantrums and whims, the girl’s negative attitude towards educator, if he pays a little less attention to her than to another child, frequent quarrels and fights, in the end, all this affected the child's nervous state.

The doctors made a diagnosis

But maybe still problem lies in the family the problem of raising a child, and is highlighted in the garden? Modern medicine claims that a long stay in a state of emotional stress inevitably leads to health problems, and the roots of many childhood diseases - from frequent migraines, stuttering and asthma to depression, go to "difficult childhood". Sometimes a child tries to hide his own anxiety and timidity, timidity, insecurity, shyness, resentment and hypersensitivity behind aggressiveness. In this case, we see obvious bursts of aggression and self-aggression in Sveta. But is it so good to be small and defenseless, defenseless before those who are called by fate to protect you? But can parental love be to the detriment of a daughter or son, and even more so, spoil a child? After all, it would seem that the more we love our child, the better it is for him.

It is customary to say about maternal love that it is holy. But excessive maternal love breaks destinies, and sometimes deprives their children of a full life. Many women do not see or notice this. What does it mean - excessive, strong motherly love? This is when love for children becomes stronger than love for yourself and for your husband, when children come to the fore in the mother's value system, and the father, and often the mother herself, are relegated to the background. So it is in the family of Denis. If he does not want to do something, then they do not force him, they indulge in everything. Such a child is accustomed to constant attention and admiration from the adults around him.

It happens to overprotective parents who want more for their children than themselves. children. Yes, and it's hard to want when forward to any of your desires "run in" both father and mother at the same time. Psychologists note that the child's personality and abilities develop only in the activities that he engages in of his own free will and with interest. But Denis has neither desire nor interest to engage, unfortunately. But what this turns out to be for the child is easy to guess. problems and conflicts in kindergarten, and later at school, lack of initiative and lack of independence.

Such children they look like crown princes and princesses who, before entering kindergarten, were absolutely sure that they were the most important people on the planet. And suddenly they find themselves in a place where there are a whole bunch of such "princes" and "princesses", and adults, instead of looking only at them, look at everyone. And in order to regain their unique position, they begin to draw attention to their person and do it all the time. If attention is not obtained, they are offended, fall into a rage and begin to fight, call names, stop listening to adults.

To such difficult children of course caregivers should be able to find an approach, and in this they are helped by the acquired experience and knowledge of pedagogy. But dear parents, kindergarten will not solve everyone problems without your participation in the fate of the child, we are called upon to solve them TOGETHER with YOU. And in this the kindergarten will help you, support YOU, but the main caregivers The child is still YOU.

Here we come, dear parents, to the main question:- How to raise a child?

Y. B. Hyperneuter:

Psychologists advise 1. Unconditionally accept the child. 2. Actively listen to his experiences and needs. 4. Do not interfere with his activities, with which he copes. 5. Help when asked. 6. Maintain success. 7. Share your feelings (means to trust). 8. Constructively resolve conflicts. 9. Use friendly phrases in everyday communication. For example: I feel good with you. I'm glad to see you. It's good that you came. I like the way you are. I miss you. Let's (let's sit, let's do it) together. You can do it, of course. 10. Hug at least four, and preferably eight times a day. And much more that your intuition and love for your child will tell you.

I would like to note that the world around us is rapidly changing, we are changing, our children. Landmarks are blurred, previously unshakable categories are collapsing, there is a natural reassessment of values ​​or the replacement of some "rules of the game" by others. At the same time, no one relieves parents of their main responsibility to prepare their children for independent swimming. Various factors influence the formation of the character of the child or the state of his health, but there is every reason to say that at the heart of a fruitful partnership "parent-child" there is a magic square This: warmth, clear rules, mutual respect and instilling self-esteem in the child.

Teacher psychologist Kundenok L. V

MAU d / garden combined type No. 107

The practice of any psychologist is rich in appeals from parents, the essence of which boils down to a request for help: “Help, I have a problem child!”, “My son has become uncontrollable, what should I do?”

Do problem children exist? There is only one answer to this question - no!

There are only problem parents. And the child is just a mirror of the family, in which, if you look closely, everything is reflected: the personal problems of parents, marital, parent-child relationships, contradictions and conflicts.

Given this, is it necessary to say that most often the mirror is crooked? It is this curvature that manifests itself in the form of uncontrollable and negative behavior of the child.

Sometimes these manifestations can be mitigated or eliminated altogether. This is facilitated by positive changes in family relations, and work with intrapersonal problems of the parents themselves. Both have a beneficial effect on the formation of the personality of the child. But, once again I emphasize, this, unfortunately, happens extremely rarely. Why? Yes, because most parents do not want to admit, and even more so work on themselves and their shortcomings. Very often they require the psychologist to work to correct the child's behavior. And the more you work with the younger generation, the more you are convinced that there are no “difficult” ones among them, just that many need a healthy environment.

But among the parents of "difficult cases" more than enough. Here are just a few of the many examples:

"Generous" parents

“My child should not lack anything!” - such is the motto and life principle of these people. By the way, among them really wealthy people do not always come across. More often, on the contrary, these are ordinary citizens with an average or even low income. However, it is they who believe that if their child wants something, then he should get it, regardless of whether he really needs it or not.

Such parents always replace the concept of love with the concept of buy. Instead of paying attention to the child, giving him their communication, rewarding him with their love, giving him warmth and affection, they buy a more expensive toy (often subconsciously, or even consciously, motivating it like this: “so that they don’t come up longer and don’t interfere with rest or work"), hire a nanny or governess - "more professional", (it is imperative that with a higher pedagogical education: "for the child to develop intellectually, be well brought up").

You can also buy a tutor, trainer, psychologist and doctor. And start thinking calmly: “Now the child has everything, and I can finally start earning money - after all, the child is growing, and his needs will also grow! Therefore, it is also necessary to purchase a car, an apartment, a prestigious institute, and a thousand more things that are very necessary for the formation of a child’s personality.” And, of course, if someone tries to reason with such a parent a little, then in response they will definitely hear - “you can’t be happy, and the poor.” Although the French film "Toy" says that you can ...

Anxious parents

For these parents, every thought of a child is riddled with anxiety. “He might catch a cold; he may have worms, he may hurt himself, he may be frightened, etc.” And, not surprisingly, the child, as if resigned to the inevitability, catches a cold (an unseasoned child has poor immunity), he is found to have worms (and who doesn’t have them in childhood?), and is simply constantly frightened - of the dark, doctors, animals, etc. .d. (and who taught him to be afraid, huh? ...) But the most terrible (in terms of consequences) is the fear that the child will not be able to do something (tie shoelaces, ride a two-wheeled bicycle on his own, use the phone). And if he can’t do it himself, then he needs help! And they help, help, help ... Parents of this type would do well to read Anatoly Nekrasov's book "Mother's Love" and think about the question: "Where did the expression" sissy" or "daddy's daughter come from?"

"Tired" parents

These parents are tired before they even have a child. Having once been armed with illusions about family life and raising a child and faced, in their opinion, with "harsh and difficult everyday life", they immediately lose interest in both married life and raising their child. The key phrases of such parents are “don’t run!”, “don’t climb!”, “don’t do that”, “don’t do that!”, “how tired I am of you!”, “I’ll punish you now!”. And, the most catchy phrase: "I'm tired of you (tired)!". Remember, the worst thing for a child, and even for an adult, is the inattention of another person, and especially a close, dear person. And in order to get this attention, the child is ready for anything. It is vital for him that his parents pay attention to him! And it doesn't matter what it will be, negative, in the form of another portion of abuse or some other punishment, or positive. Just as long as the child does not know how else to draw the attention of mom or dad to themselves.

"Parents are perfectionists"

"You must be the best!" is their motto. Such parents, as a rule, have at least two higher educations, and always dreaming of defending a Ph.D., they work, at best, as an assistant in some department. At the same time, they strive to send the child to the “most-most-prestigious” kindergarten: with in-depth study of a foreign language and geometry of Lobachevsky. As for the choice of school, then, of course, for the sake of studying in it, they will overcome any obstacles: carry it through the whole city, hire tutors in order to "meet the level." Still, after all, in their opinion, it is necessary to study only "excellently". Yes, and the school program should be the most untested, and, of course, the most effective in terms of creating a child prodigy. In addition, to their displeasure, some "irresponsible" teachers do not want to be imbued with an understanding of the characteristics of their child. Moreover, they, as if on purpose, are trying to occupy the student not at all with those subjects that are “important and necessary”, but with completely unnecessary and primitive, interfering, time-consuming, reducing the overall indicator of progress: labor, technology, physical education, music, life safety and etc.

"Parents are losers"

Paradoxically, these parents, at first glance, have achieved a lot. However, if you take a closer look, then in their behavior you can see the stigma of some unfulfilled desire.

Professional sports, a big stage, a podium, personal exhibitions of artworks - all this haunts ambitious moms and dads. Once upon a time, their own laziness, lack of motivation, lack of proper support, together with other “objective” reasons, did not allow these desires to come true. But they will definitely “give or instill” their dream to their children.

And it does not matter that this dream was formed during their adult life and began to look more like a fruitless fantasy. As a result, "magnificent" prospects open up before their children: not just to study, but to work on some kind of science, sport, etc. for ten hours a day, forgetting about worthless toys, about communicating with peers and recognizing the usual children's hobbies, hobbies and fun as completely uninteresting.

But if they manage to miraculously avoid exhaustion of the nervous system, neurosis or psychosomatosis, they still have the hope of finally realizing their dream. More precisely, the dream of his parents, but it doesn’t matter anymore ... is it true ?!

"Parents are speculators or manipulators"

A child for such a parent is just a way of influencing others: spouse, parents, other relatives. “This is not for me, this is for the child!” - so one parent addresses another. And the more helpless or somatically weakened a child is, the more opportunities his father or mother has to influence other family members. Sometimes such parents, thereby trying to save a destructive family, rallying everyone around the problem with the child.

Naturally, from birth, being surrounded by "relatives" who have the above problems, growing up in an environment that is not at all conducive to psychological comfort, our children try to protect themselves from such a reality. And then either unconscious defense mechanisms or coping strategies appear in them - conscious ways of protecting themselves from the surrounding reality, attempts to rationalize their behavior, the desire to avoid thinking about their own actions, and the thirst to escape from loneliness or anxiety.

And what do we, loving and sincere parents, do? And we, faced with this kind of behavioral reactions (including various kinds of addictions, unwillingness to learn, the desire for social and antisocial behavior, etc., I’m not talking about health problems), loudly say to ourselves and others, “God is such a problem child!” But at the same time, we never even allow a shadow of doubt “Or maybe it's just us - problem parents?”

In different situations in life, we have to deal with different circumstances of life.

Problem child

P coming into the world child knows nothing about himself yet. He does not know whether he is a boy or a girl, who his parents are, whether his fate will be happy. Over time, he begins to guess about all this. And along with the developmental features of the child, psychological difficulties also appear. And parents have numerous perplexed questions - "Where does it come from?". Problem child"vspace="10" bordercolor="#000000">

Psychologists know that the general outline of a person's life - what the famous Eric Berne called the script - is the result of indirect parental influence. Indirect, because so many assessments, thoughts, feelings are not expressed in plain text, but gradually, unconsciously add up to a kind of instructions, instructions on how the child should behave. And the less conscious these instructions are, the stronger their influence on the fate of a person and the more difficult it is to isolate them in the process of psychological analysis.

They can be formulated outwardly positively - "Grow up and become an astronaut, and we will be proud of you!". Is this guide good? It contains a desire to see the child as an astronaut (while he, perhaps, does not really like this profession). Then, it stipulates under what conditions the child will be proud (and otherwise not). Therefore, what at first glance seems to be ordinary parental vanity can lead his natural life path away from his true destiny.

But it also happens differently. "You won't end up in the dock!" - the parents say to the child, seemingly emphasizing his social reliability, and gradually a doubt grows in him that it is necessary to be honest, that it is impossible for a member of his family to be a criminal, etc. "Just don't slip!" - the mother says to her son, and, of course, he immediately falls. Because negative instructions, despite their outward loyalty, imperceptibly "cement" the space, lay in the child's unconscious the possibility that at the conscious level it is presented as a prohibition - to become a criminal, to fall, etc. After all, the unconscious is insidious and does not understand denials.

Therefore, many (although, of course, not all) claims of parents to their children have a source in the inner world of the parents themselves, who thoughtlessly transfer their unfulfilled desires, hopes or fears to the behavior of children. And in the end they get their way. After all, there is a close connection between the outer and inner worlds, which operates through various psychological mechanisms - whether it be a self-fulfilling prophecy or, as K.-G. Jung, synchronicity. What difficulties of children are created by adults more often than others?

"He's terribly aggressive!"

Aggressiveness in the animal world is a condition for the survival of an individual, a natural desire to protect the boundaries of its territory, which occurs in an unfriendly environment. Fear that the situation is unsafe, distrust of what (and those) that is happening nearby - these are the frequent reasons for the aggressiveness of children. But they don't protect themselves from their parents. How, in what way could the behavior of parents violate the child's sense of security?

Problem child

Aggressive children are "unloved" - those who are forced to take care of themselves, to remind them of their needs and their existence. Very often, such behavior develops against the background of insufficient acceptance by parents of their child, non-recognition of his value as a person, as a phenomenon. Here is a typical example of a conflict built around such a complaint. An energetic young grandmother is unhappy with the "aggressiveness" of her 2.5-year-old grandson.

Not only does he enter her room without permission. He has an annoying habit of grabbing priceless trinkets from shelves and cabinets. There were times when he even broke them (though by accident). He does not respond to prohibitions, but on occasion he shows his fist to his grandmother.

In the course of the conversation, the psychologist raises several very specific questions. And why should a 2.5-year-old grandson living in the same house with his grandmother ask her permission to enter? It turns out that the grandmother is in conflict with his parents - son and daughter-in-law. Therefore, it is generally not customary for them to enter each other's room. Is it possible to remove treasures from the shelves away from the grandson? "In general, you can, but why should I adapt to it?" Gradually, a picture of family life emerges, in which there are very few joint joys, and the appearance of a daughter-in-law and grandson continues to be considered by the head of the family - the grandmother - as an infringement on her rights, as causing moral and economic damage to her. The son's family was met with hostility. This reaction returns to the grandmother in the form of a reciprocal, as yet weak, dislike of the grandson. But this is precisely a return - after all, the first impulse, the first lesson of dislike came from the grandmother, who sees in a two-year-old boy an equal opponent who needs to be overcome. This, in her view, would be a pedagogical success. Fortunately, children are resilient creatures and are able to learn how to defend themselves (with the support of other adults).

This conflict is a typical example of how child may be at the intersection of adult dislikes. Therefore, it must be solved by working with adult family members. Otherwise, the innocent and touching habit of entering Grandma's room and playing with her toys can take hold, develop into arrogance towards other people, and fists can become the main means of resolving conflicts.

"He's so insecure!"

This phrase also often opens a conversation with a psychologist. Are you sure about it? Are you confident? Similar questions arise in the course of getting to know the family. Lack of initiative, emotional depression, fear of any new activity - all this together is called a depressive position. The depressive position is often born out of guilt. But what can the little one do wrong child- so much so that depression becomes the main background of his existence?

Most often, this is a feeling of existential guilt - guilt due to the state of things, that he was born. This sometimes happens if there is no father in the family, if the child was not expected, and the mother is not sure that his birth was necessary. Such experiences are usually repressed into the deepest layers of the unconscious. However, the tip of the iceberg is still visible - this is the child's anxiety and the desire to justify and apologize for their existence.

Problem child

One of the dangerous manifestations of a child's depressive position is a high vulnerability (victimity, from English victim - victim) in relation to various influences. Something constantly happens to such children - either an icicle falls on them, or they are appointed a "scapegoat" in a kindergarten or school. A series of failures develops into a pessimistic line of life. A person, as it were, tries to punish himself for the sins, the oppression of which he accepted from his parents, by means of external and internal forces.

“Mom wanted to have an abortion on me, but she didn’t succeed, and I was still born,” an 11-year-old visitor to our consultation said about herself. The girl took upon herself many misfortunes that rarely fall to the lot of one person, and tragically died when she was not yet 14 years old.

Depressive or victimized child often captures in his fate what happened between his parents even before his birth. Therefore, the change of these imprints, dangerous for him, must also be carried out through the parents.

"He's completely insensitive!"- this reproach most often refers to children of adolescence. He doesn’t care what happens in my soul, I don’t understand what she’s thinking, my daughter can raise her hand to me and even hit me in the stomach - such complaints indicate a deep misunderstanding between parents and children, their alienation. It turns out that the mother child generally they cannot communicate directly, without a psychologist (“Here we are going out now, and she will again talk to me just as disgustingly!”). Thus, the connection between people close by blood is much less strong than between strangers. Relationship crises, when it is necessary to turn to third parties, are a natural thing, especially if a teenager grows up in the family. This age contains many surprises and contradictions. But persistent misunderstanding, the cruelty of children is a sign of neglect of the problem. It usually doesn't happen out of nowhere. Maybe, child was not at the center of his parents' vital interests when he was born. Early torn off from the mother's breast or even separated from the mother, the one who was raised by his grandmother or who is in a round-the-clock nursery did not have time to get used to motherly love. He is an object of influence for the family. And objects are not capable of feelings. No one knows what happens in the house with the curtains drawn until there is a fire.

"What do they think and what do they feel: the heroes of the fairy tale, the animals in the picture, your friends?" - this question of a psychologist often leads the child into a state of confusion. How does it feel? You can only say what they do. "How did your boy feel when you didn't let him in with your friends?" - we ask parents. "Well: he was probably upset. Or maybe he harbored evil, I don't know for sure. He didn't say what he feels."

Approximately the same, although softer, picture may arise if the child is brought up "according to the books", adjusting his behavior to the norms of other people's authorities. Alive child replaced by the idea, the schema of the child. Intuition and maternal feeling are silent. This particular baby needs to eat ten times a day, and the mother, following the recommendations, tries to feed him only six times. He wants to sleep under the warm side of his mother, and she firmly believes that it is harmful to approach the child at night, and even more harmful to take him unnecessarily in her arms. But unnecessarily for whom? Maybe this is exactly what the baby needs more than anything in the world.

Problem child

However, the child is raised "comfortable". Those dramas that take place in the soul of a child with an objective attitude towards him remain unnoticed and return to the parents in the form of his insensitivity.

But the lack of empathy, emotional coldness is not only psychological protection. It is often also an inability to accept the feelings of others. Therefore, such people are often deprived of ideals, do not believe in goodness and love, and as a result, they suffer severe defeats in their personal lives.

Children are rude to their grandmother if their parents treat her disrespectfully. They are timid if loved ones do not believe in their strength. They are indifferent if their own parents do not distinguish them from strangers. They are what they were created in their own image and likeness by adults. So, problem child- a mirror of their parents. If he is lucky, he will be able to "get rid" of parental prescriptions in adulthood, and then the tail of their unexpired ambitions and unresolved problems will not follow him endlessly. To break this connection-dependence, which is not useful for anyone, it can be important for parents to work with a psychologist. For the benefit of the child.

Sofia Nartova-Bochaver

Neurotic disorders in preschool and primary school age are among the urgent medical and social problems. It is this age that often becomes a “litmus test” for latent, growing symptoms and syndromes, as well as dysfunctional family relationships. Manifestations of neurotic disorders at this age are associated with school adaptation, a decrease in play activity, and with an increase in demands on the child.

This book is devoted to the analysis of the violation of relations between children, parents and grandparents. It details the methods of conducting psychotherapeutic groups for children, describes group work with parents and grandparents. Particular attention is paid to the stages of joint psychotherapeutic groups for children with neurotic disorders and their parents.

FEATURES OF PROBLEM CHILDREN AND THEIR FAMILIES

Psychotherapy of childhood has its own characteristics and is an independent scientific discipline. A description of group psychotherapy in children, taking into account their family environment, can already be found in the works of V. A. Gilyarovsky (1938). He noted that “since neurotic disorders in children are often in direct connection with the nervousness of parents, which is the source of an abnormal attitude towards children, psychotherapy should be started with loved ones, trying to create a more or less balanced and non-traumatic environment around the child.”

Many domestic and foreign authors draw attention to the dependence of the mental well-being of children on external influences. There is no doubt that the closest environment of the child is his family. Much attention in the literature is given to the psychological problems of the only child in the family (V.I. Garbuzov, 1978). Such children have a negative attitude towards the collective way of life, feelings of fear, guilt, and anxiety are formed (A.I. Zakharov 1982). The situation is not the best when a child lives “in two houses”, sometimes with parents, sometimes with grandparents, which leads to the “Solomon syndrome”, i.e. to a feeling of constant duality (B.C. Manova-Tomova, 1981). At present, the problem of “mental abandonment” of children has become especially relevant, when parents are busy with their own problems: career, conflicts, health, etc. (A.S. Spivakovskaya, 1988, E. Le Champ, 1990). Divorce, as well as the absence of one of the parents, play an important role in the development of psychological problems in children. According to foreign researchers (E. Seligman, G. Wallerstein, et al. 1976), a negative impact on a child is noted soon after a divorce, its consequences become more obvious after a year, and affect later adult life. Many children painfully, up to neurotic reactions, react to the birth of a second child. If problems are not solved within the family, then with age, the number and severity of conflicts increase.

A.S. Spivakovskaya (1988) describes the causes of neurotic disorders in children:

When studying the disharmony of family relations, V. V. Stolin (1983) believes that the content of the family “We” turns out to be either a “family myth” or a pseudo-rational “family contract”.

At the heart of family conflicts is a violation of understanding each other, hidden relationships of interdependence: rivalry, dominance, protection and guardianship.

In the nature of the interaction of married couples whose children have neurotic disorders, there are features:

inadequacy of mutual perception, reduced consistency of ideas about each other, the predominance of isolated solutions, the same type of response to emerging difficulties and different directions of response. Mateyczek, for example, wrote: “Sometimes one gets the impression that deviations in behavior (of a person) and character traits are “innate”, but in fact, this is how emotional poverty, an unfavorable living atmosphere, and unhealthy development conditions are transmitted from generation to generation.” Grown up children cannot create a prosperous family, because in childhood they did not experience the atmosphere of family well-being. “The child will behave as “his” people behave, because he belongs to them and identifies himself with them.

A child perceives parental programming for three reasons:

Parents, programming the life of their children, pass on their experience to them, everything that they have learned (or think they have learned). The long-term model always involves a storyline. And, although the outcome is predetermined by parental programming for good or ill, the child can choose his own plot.

The position of the child and the attitude towards him in the family are determined even before his birth. This can be influenced by such facts as the desire of the child, the role prepared for him in the family (assistant, heir, last joy, etc.), the presence of brothers or sisters, the expected gender of the child, the coincidence of parental opinions regarding the fate prepared for him.

Early decisions are made in response to verbal or non-verbal messages from parents, grandparents, or other significant adults. They determine the self-esteem of the child, other people and life in general.

The purpose of forming early decisions is characterized by the most important features:

• the solution represents the child's best strategy for surviving in a world that may seem hostile to him,
• decisions are made according to the child's emotions and his way of testing reality.
• Parental programming begins during the feeding period of the baby. On a non-verbal level, at this time a feeling of well-being and trouble is already being formed. A child's early experience, to some extent, can help predict what he will become in the future: "lucky" or "unlucky". After a while, the child already has opinions about himself and the people around him, especially his parents. These beliefs very often last a lifetime.
• When analyzing and comparing parental assessment with the subjective self-assessment of the child, it becomes clear that there are differences between the child's self-assessment and the assessment of his parents. In this case, the assessment of parents:
• is aimed at social compliance with its internal criteria of behavior;
• more categorical in the final assessment;
• has stereotypes;
• can overtake the actions of children.

Children, due to the combination of their own assessment and assessment by adults of their condition, most often do not highlight the problems of communication with their parents, do not blame them for their condition.

For example, a child, talking about himself, repeats the words of his mother: “I often cry, I am offended.” While the mother blames the child: “He is so capricious, often cries and is offended, annoying me.”

This confirms that parents have their own areas of internal inhibitions and that changing the state of the child requires an analysis by the parents of their own causes of concern. The dissatisfaction of parents with their children is determined by the existence of internal layers of their own dissatisfaction among parents. The hidden meaning of parental dissatisfaction is not recognized by adults, is controversial and has a secondary benefit.

For example, the stubbornness of a child prevents parents from understanding their own problems, the hidden meaning of which may sound like this:

• “I will not tolerate my child making his own decisions”;
• “in life you have to rely only on your own strength”;
• “I am so helpless that I will prove that I am stronger”, etc. When analyzing parental programming, 12 areas of parental prohibitions were described. They are typical for both parents and grandparents of children with neurotic disorders.

In terms of content, the 12 areas of inhibition are reminiscent of the 12 commands that Bob and Mary Goulding (1985) identified while studying the basis of early adult negative decisions. The described 12 areas are factors of parental influence, which, with prolonged or intensive action, lead to the adoption in this case of decisions of a neurotic level (neurotic personality development) in children. They are more categorical and cause changes not only of a personal nature, but also of family relationships, revealing a secondary benefit.

The following 12 areas of prohibition have been identified:

1. Action ban. This prohibition is associated with one's own negative parental or grandparental experience associated with actions, as well as the desire to save one's own children from such experience. At the same time, in communicating with children, such parents constantly control their actions, are ready to do everything for them themselves, and are quite demanding in their actions. While outside the sphere of activity of the child, such adults constantly hesitate in their actions, painfully endure changes in the situation, and cannot make a decision. The most common way for such parents to resolve the conflict is to leave the situation or do nothing.
2. The ban on success. Such a ban is typical for parents who had a difficult, compromise path to success, or did not achieve their goal despite all the opportunities and costs, forming a “vicious circle” of their success. More often, non-verbally, such parents say: “Well, where are you going!” The most extreme is the situation of a competition or an exam, in which case the state of tension escalates to the extreme. Everything is at stake, involving the child in overwhelming psychological conditions. All subordinated to the goal, without regard to desires and possibilities. In extreme cases, the situation is emasculated, implying no other solutions.
3. The ban on feelings. Parents who transmit such a prohibition are persistent in suppressing their children's sensuality, as sure that any manifestation of them is a weakness and leads to failure. More common is not a total restriction of any sensuality, but a ban on a certain feeling. For example, a ban on the feeling of fear, aggression, hunger or cold. This may be accompanied by the following parental statements: “Boys don't cry. Be brave!”, “I’m cold, put on a sweater!”, “I’m hungry, what are you going to eat?”. The hidden meaning of the prohibition often lies in the non-verbal message: "Don't feel like you, feel like me." With a high degree of prohibition, parents impose a similar prohibition of sensuality not only on their children, but also on themselves. In such cases, it is necessary to exclude mental pathology.
4. Intimacy prohibited. This prohibition can be expressed by the message “Keep your distance!” It is associated with a violation of communication, when parents do not have enough time to pay attention to their child. They are busy with work, career or their own health, while they often go on business trips, end up in hospitals. A similar prohibition is accepted by the child at the death of the parents. Extreme parental behaviors are possible. Such parents are suspicious and wary in communicating with others, they can use physical punishment with children, grossly insult and deceive them, or use them for their own purposes. If you constantly refuse communication or manipulate a child, then there is a prohibition on intimacy, which is accompanied by a decision: "In order to protect myself, so as not to experience the pain of rejection, I will stay away from you."
5. Ownership Prohibited. This prohibition reflects the inconsistency in the adoption of the laws of the unity of society, in the constant assertion of its own particularity, at great expense for proof. Verbally, parents say to their children: “You can’t do this, because you ...”. The ban on belonging can oppose not only the individual to society, but also the profession, nationality; estate to everything else. “What are you doing, because you have a father...”, “Remember who you are!” Outwardly, in parents, this manifests itself in violations of communication skills, isolation and dissatisfaction with others. By instilling in their children the prohibition of belonging, parents convince themselves of the permanence of the child's personality. "You are as stubborn as all Jews." Often, parents, by passing on this prohibition, make their child a “scapegoat” or transfer their feeling of loneliness to him.
6. The ban on thought. This ban is passed by parents who doubt the mental abilities of children, usually their own failure is behind this or they ignore the individuality of the child's thought process (“He thinks differently ... like me”). Such parents rush to solve mental problems and are never satisfied with the result of the child's logical reasoning, verbally evaluating them as: "Yes ... Well, you're smart." In critical situations, parents who transmit such a prohibition themselves successfully solve problems only with the help of emotions or feelings.
7. Health ban. A similar prohibition is passed on by parents who are convinced that a child should be engaged only when he is sick. This can happen on a conscious or unconscious level. Many parents look for physical or psychological health problems in their child to justify their unfulfilled dreams and plans for the child. “You know what a weak, sickly child this is,” they say to their friends or relatives. Often parents themselves demonstrate a similar form of behavior in accordance with this prohibition. They begin to hurt when the stressful situation escalates or drags on.
8. Activity ban. Parents who transmit such a ban have control over their emotions and actions. At the same time, they have a well-developed sense of parental destiny, and any activity on the part of the child is perceived as a threat to their own meaning. “You are still small”, “When you grow up...”, “This is only for adults” - this is the set of verbal expressions with which parents accompany their prohibition. According to the results of our study, this prohibition was typical for mothers raising their son on their own, and for parents whose children appeared late, as well as for younger children in the family. For this prohibition, the process of growing up is most important. It is transmitted as a threat to all children's desires and fantasies, the possibility of expressing emotions and feelings, and is exacerbated by the fear of decision-making, responsibility and social obstacles.
9. Prohibition of passivity. This prohibition is typical for parents who themselves feel like children and have strict, determined parents in the ancestral link. Such parents live in the world of their own feelings and emotions, so they often get into conflict situations, fall in love, change jobs, not being responsible for their actions. According to the results of our study, the prohibition on passivity is transmitted according to the statistical significance of differences more often to older children in the family or to an only child. Family situations of pre-divorce and divorce are also typical, as well as frequent family conflicts. With a constantly tense situation in the family, a child can make a decision quite early: “It’s all my fault, I allow myself a lot.” Which accordingly affects the increased responsibility, the inability to rejoice, to show their emotions, to enjoy the game. Verbally, parents accompany their prohibition with expressions: “You are already big so that ...”, “Don't be a child!”, “Are you small!”.
10. The ban on individuality. Such a prohibition is developed by parents who bear the image of the “perfect child”, and then compare their own with it, constantly finding inconsistencies. Parents' dissatisfaction can be expressed globally: in the appearance of a boy when they were expecting a girl (“It would be better if you were a girl”) and in irritation about certain skills or qualities. Parents often express their dissatisfaction with their spouse or other relatives through their child. “Well, you are the spitting image of a father.” Such a transfer is quickly accepted by children. “This is me, like a grandmother.” Often, behind the transmission of this prohibition, parents carry a sense of their own inferiority, a desire to focus on others to confirm their significance.
11. Leadership ban. Parents who convey such a message constantly tell their children: “Be humble!”, “Keep your head down!”, “Shame on you, everyone sees you!” Non-verbally, their behavior confirms the message "Don't be the first, it won't end well." In most cases in our study of children with neurotic disorders, the parents who conveyed this prohibition claimed a leadership position. In this case, the parents proved the following to the child by their behavior: “I will tolerate you, baby, until you understand that you and your desires are nothing here.” standing g. Love and protection was provided to the child only when he gave up his leadership abilities.
12. Existence ban. According to our observation, this prohibition is most often transmitted by means of an episcript, i.e. from generation to generation. The intensity of non-verbal messages is great due to the dissatisfaction, unrealized parents. They see the cause of all their failures in the child. “If it weren’t for the pregnancy, I would have graduated from the institute”, “If it weren’t for you, I would ...”. The most frequent verbal expression of this prohibition is in the following phrases: “I will kill you for this!”, “It would be better if you were not born!”, “So that you were not in this world!”. Extreme variants of this prohibition are accompanied by rudeness and cruelty towards your child.

These prohibitions with prolonged or intense exposure lead to decision-making at a neurotic level.

DISTURBANCE OF FAMILY RELATIONS

When analyzing relationships in families that turned to a psychotherapist for help, types of deformation of relationships in the “grandparent-parent-child” system were identified, leading to various clinical forms of neuroses in children.

All clinical manifestations of neurotic disorders have their own characteristic features of the relationship between parents, grandparents, and children. Types of violations of intra-family relations were identified: the executive type, the type of internal deprivation, directive-permissive relations, symbiotic and intense types.

EXECUTIVE TYPE OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

According to our study, this clinical type was characterized by the following deformation of the parent-child system:

1. There is a replacement (or ignoring) of the child's individual capabilities for the desire and desire of the parents. As a result, there is a contradiction between necessity and desire. The true childish desire disappears, being replaced by the necessity: “Be the first!”, “Be the best!”.
2. Since the possibilities and reserves of the child's body are limited, there comes a moment of dissociation of "should (should)" and "can", accompanied by a change in the positive assessment of one's own "I" to a negative one. The development of one's own dissatisfaction appears as a result of an external demand.
3. Clinical manifestations are a variant of justification for the impossibility of the desired realization. The disease is determined by an external conflict with others for maintaining a sensual relationship with loved ones. The child makes decisions: "Let me be sick, but loved."
4. The moment of the transition of a psychological conflict into a disease is connected with the fixation of awareness on one's own inability with a constant demand for a result. For childhood, the executive type of intra-family relations is characterized by exhaustion of the nervous system due to excessive (mental, physical or intellectual) stress, affective experiences and one's inferiority and insolvency, fear of punishment, a sense of shame, etc. All this is more often formed by long-term conflicts in the family, excessive demands on the child or constant restrictions on his desires.

A characteristic clinical picture of the executive type of intra-family relations was described:

• a combination of fatigue, passivity, lethargy, drowsiness and some psychomotor retardation in the initial period of communication or the first half of the day, and motor mobility, fussiness, distractibility and exhaustion of attention, the appearance of irritability (the so-called irritable weakness) of explosive reactions and impulsivity at the end of the day, and in communication - after a period of adaptation.
• pronounced timidity, tearfulness,
• there is a loss of appetite,
• sleep disorders, difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, fragmentary, episodic,
• intolerance to harsh sounds, smells, temperature fluctuations, the presence of concomitant systemic disorders accompanying this clinical form: enuresis, stuttering,
• combination with somatic weakness,

Psychotherapy in the executive type of intra-family relations is aimed at restoring satisfaction from self-realization of both the child and parents and grandparents.

Clinical example 1

Zhanna M., 7 years old. 1st grade high school student. Parents asked for psychotherapeutic help, they were worried about the condition of their daughter. The girl complained:

Initially, a grandmother turned to a psychiatrist for advice, who wanted to develop her granddaughter's intellectual abilities and hypnotically influence her character.

From the anamnesis: she had acute respiratory infections for up to a year. Of childhood infections, she suffered from mumps and measles. From the age of 3 she attended kindergarten, adapted quickly. At first, she actively participated in all matinees, had many girlfriends, was active, friendly. From the age of 3 she began to attend an art school, where she painted, sang, studied English. At the age of 3 she tried to draw with her left hand. She was taught to draw, and then to write “correctly” with her right hand. At the age of 6, her father left the family, in the same year she began to attend an additional music school in the piano class, often getting colds. Poorly tolerates traffic, noise. I went to school from the age of 7, in a specialized class with an English bias. He studies from 8 to 4 in the afternoon, then a music school, where classes are every day (solfeggio instrument, choir). Been lethargic lately. In the words of matter, “She doesn’t want to do anything, just sit and look out the window.”

Behavior of the child during the consultation. She entered the office calmly, sat on the edge of a chair, her head bowed. During the story, mothers and grandmothers sat quietly, shaking her head in agreement with all the accusations.

Physically and emotionally tense. He is afraid to express his desires and feelings, to do something wrong. Speech is colorless, sluggish. Coughs nervously during conversation. The mood is lowered. Indicators of intellectual examination at the first meeting are unevenly reduced. Lost in answers, forgets familiar words. Can't decide what she wants. He writes with his right hand, slowly. The handwriting is uneven. He denies fears, although he falls asleep slowly. She talked about going to an English school. Afraid of being late for class, getting a bad grade. She does not want to study at a music school, she dreams of becoming a ballerina. At the end of the 4th lesson, he gets tired, his head starts to hurt. Recently, she began to quarrel with her grandmother, mother and girlfriends. Often crying for no reason. Criticism to its state is saved. I am not satisfied with myself.

The analysis of observations of the clinical example illustrates all the revealed patterns of deformation of the “grandparent-parent-child” system, which correspond to the executive type of intra-family relations.

The family in question is incomplete, the father left after a divorce a year ago. The initiator of the divorce, according to the mother, was the grandmother, who herself divorced her husband when her daughter was 10 years old. She sees the reason for the unhappiness of her daughter (the mother of the subject) in an unsuccessful marriage. “She was so capable, if it wasn’t for this…” He loves his granddaughter, although he believes that "she is the spitting image of a father, and just as lazy."

As a result of the analysis of family relations, zones of parental prohibitions were described:

• the girl's mother, from her own experience, conveys the message that success in life can only be achieved when you are in charge. “Be the first”: - sounds the life motto that the mother conveys. This is confirmed by the prohibition, which is transmitted verbally - "Do not be passive." The mother also transmits a program of action that defines a ban on freedom and rest. “This is how you have to work hard and not be able to rest.” Fatigue, exhaustion, and somatic weakness are non-verbally encouraged as a way to get out of an impasse.
• the father, by his form of behavior (leaving the family), demonstrates a ban on intimacy. Due to the high degree of conflict, this prohibition is conveyed verbally and non-verbally. “You need to love at a distance”, “This is how you need to love in order to remain lonely”, “Feel, love, but do not come close.”
• the grandmother is a significant figure in shaping the decisions of the child. Her parental messages convey the opposite prohibitions "Don't make progress", "Don't belong". The program of action details her own experience: "This is how you have to work hard to be unhappy."

The degree of pressure from the mother intensified after the divorce, determined by her own desires: “I will prove that I can live alone and raise such a child”, “I will be different in this world in that I have a brilliant child.” These desires made up for their own dissatisfaction, ignoring the desires and capabilities of the child.

After a complex of psychotherapeutic correction, the girl was transferred to a regular school, her condition returned to normal, her grandmother went to her eldest daughter, her father returned to the family.

TYPE OF INTERNAL DEPRIVATION

This pathology has the following features of relationships in the “grandparent-parent-child” system.

1. There is a conflict between desires and proposals. The child's demands for empathy, inclusion in his inner world to solve the problem of life and death, meaning and purpose, are not noticed by adults. Parents do not attach importance to the experiences of the child at a given time, often because of the inability of the child at this age to express their feelings.
2. The child's feelings and emotions are ignored. Even when defining children's feelings, there is a frequent devaluation of them from a parental or adult position, accompanied by the prescription: “Be strong!”.
3. Anxiety neurosis is the fastest and easiest way to draw the attention of adults to your experiences and at the same time an opportunity to get away from solving problems. It is this form of neurotic disorders that is often a manifestation of the type of internal deprivation. The childish way of responding does not always bring relief: there may be fear of one's feelings, emotions and desires.
4. In order to preserve his own positive assessment of the “I”, the child already independently has a need to ignore his feelings, emotions and desires. At the heart of this phenomenon lies intrapersonal conflict.

The clinical picture of neurotic disorders of intrafamilial deformation according to the type of internal deprivation in children aged 6-7 years is characterized by the fear syndrome leading and determining all their behavior. The clinical manifestation of this form is characterized by:

• having a variety of fears
• the largest number (on average) from 7 to 9 fears,
• course in the form of seizures (more often at night than during the day) with anxious mood, trembling, motor activity, somatovegetative disorders,
• amplification with nightmares, expanding the spectrum of fears
• accompaniment with such optional systemic disorders as enuresis, tics or stuttering,
• combination with impaired contact with peers and adults.

The psychotherapeutic influence in this case is aimed at reacting one's feelings and emotions in combination with motor release, as well as at learning to openly express one's desires. When working in a group, adults develop the ability to hear, understand and see the needs, desires and emotions of their children. In joint groups, children and parents discover opportunities for a new understanding and empathy for each other.

Clinical example 2

Alyosha Ya., 6 years old. Attends a general kindergarten.

Complaints of parents when applying:

Anamnesis: mother - 27 years old, secondary education, no bad habits. He considers himself calm and balanced by nature. Father - 32 years old, secondary education. Smokes, abuses alcohol, refuses to be treated for alcohol dependence. According to his mother, he is quick-tempered, conflicted by nature. During alcohol intoxication is aggressive, pugnacious. Heredity is not burdened with mental illness.

During pregnancy, there were frequent conflicts with her husband, constant concerns about the health of the unborn child. The birth proceeded normally. Alyosha rarely got sick until the age of one. From childhood infections, he suffered chickenpox at 4 years old. From birth, the child was calm in nature, slept well at night. Suffered from enuresis up to 2.5 years. He easily memorized poems, he composed them himself. Was impressive. At the age of 3, during a children's performance, frightened by Baba Yaga, he crawled under an armchair and began to cry loudly. From the age of 4 he began to compose scary stories. Once he told me that there was a dead man in the basement. The adults called the police, but everything turned out to be a fantasy. I went to kindergarten from the age of 3 without desire, but quickly adapted. He attracted the attention of the guys by telling scary stories during the sleepy hour.

He spent a lot of time with his paternal grandmother, who lived with them. Six months ago, my grandmother died unexpectedly of a stroke in the presence of her grandson. Death experienced inadequately. During the funeral, he did not cry, was closed, did not say anything. A month later, night attacks of fear appeared: he woke up in a cold sweat, screamed, rushed around the room. Fear manifested itself during the day. Fear caused a shadow, curtains. Began to animate objects. Enuresis appeared 1-2 times a week. With this, the mother turned to a psychiatrist for help.

Behavior in consultation. He entered the office at a brisk pace. He glanced at the toys with interest, but did not dare to ask for them. Facial expressions and gestures are expressive, lively. The mood is lowered. Gets in touch easily. Motor active. The vocabulary is rich, figurative, metaphorical. He told that he was afraid for a long time. “All because of the fact that the father drinks, and we suffer.” Fear appears more often before going to bed, it seems that bandits can get into the room, or that someone is already in the room. Such sensations appear when he looks at the curtains, shadows, dark spots under the bed. During the story, he is emotionally involved in the story, interested. Told a few stories about the blue hand, the black house, and so on. After the death of his grandmother, he began to see her in a dream, to hear her calling him. Waking up from a dream, I saw a shadow, I decided that it was my grandmother.

Attention is somewhat reduced. Thinking at a normal pace, concretely figurative, well abstracts and captures logical connections. Intelligence is above average. Hallucinations and crazy ideas does not reveal. Easily composes stories and fairy tales with tragic content. During the story, he gets carried away, forgetting about fear. During the scary stories of other guys, he shrinks, tries to hide behind others. According to the psychological examination, an anxious and suspicious nature is determined.

Analyzing the clinical example from the point of view of intra-family relations, deformations were found in the “grandparent-parent-child” system, which illustrate the type of internal deprivation.

In this case, everyone in the family was busy with their own business: the father drank, the mother earned money, the grandmother ran the household. Communication with the child from the family consisted of formal care. “The main thing is to be fed and healthy.” All this led not only to ignoring the desires, feelings, but also the thoughts of the child. Therefore, the emergence of fear in the subject became not only a way to attract the attention of parents and everyone around, but also an opportunity to fill the vacuum of communication.

Thus, fear entered into fantasies, dreams, determining secondary gain. This was facilitated by prohibitions and permissions presented by relatives.

When analyzing relationships, the following family patterns were found:

• The mother passed on to the child a ban on passivity, expressed in ignoring age-related experiences. “You are already big enough to be afraid”, “Don’t be small.” Depreciation also occurred on a non-verbal level due to the ban on feelings: “You don’t have to be afraid of this”, “It’s not scary.” At the same time, the mother, compensating for the bad experience with her own husband, conveyed the following messages: “I work so that you are near”, “Don't leave me”. With her lifestyle (constant employment, a lot of work), the mother proved that in this life you can achieve success only if you are strong. “Be strong” is her motto. The manifestation of feelings and empathy in the mother were replaced by words of depreciation.
• The father, out of his flawed parental state, was only able to devalue the thoughts of both his own and the child's. “Are you afraid of this?”, “Stop it now!” The adult state of the father demonstrated the program: “This is how you should make mistakes and regret it all your life”, “This is how reluctances make alcoholics”. The prohibition of the father on existence arose as a result of the forced marriage to the mother, the reason for which was the birth of a child. A particularly pronounced emotional state of the father during alcohol intoxication reinforced, at the level of non-verbal messages, a ban on feelings, intimacy, and existence.
• The paternal grandmother, who lived together with the child's parents until her death, demonstrated the “Be strong!” driver with her actions, words and feelings, while combining it with the message: “You must come to terms with life.”

After the death of my grandmother, the little stream of attention and care has been reduced. To solve the problem of death for a child alone turned out to be unbearable, there was a fear of his thoughts and feelings.

Psychotherapy in relation to the child in the children's group consisted in reacting one's feelings and emotions. For this specific case, additional individual sessions with the child on working with the problem of death were necessary.

When working with the mother (she was the only parent who participated in psychotherapy sessions for adults), a way was found that was acceptable for her to understand desires and feelings both in relation to her son and in relation to herself.

The result was unexpected. The child's mother divorced her husband and remarried. The boy's fears were gone.

TYPE OF DIRECTIVE-PERMISSION RELATIONSHIPS

This type of intra-family relations has its own characteristics of the deformation of the “grandparent-parent-child” system.

1. The main problem lies in the implementation of the boundaries of “I want” (internal self-control), both as a result of arbitrary restriction and in permissiveness (“I exceed the boundaries because I do not know the boundaries”, “I exceed the boundaries because they reduce my living space”) .
2. For parents, the significance of the external manifestations of the child is more important than the need for internal reflection. At the same time, the internal conflict of the parent is transferred to the problems of the child.
3. The preservation of the child's personality, from the point of view of a positive assessment of one's own "I", occurs along the path of repeating the parental decision (the forms of the parents' reactions are read) due to the removal of the intrapersonal conflict outside, both in a despotic attitude and in a pampered environment.
4. The existing prescription “Please others” causes protest, although it is included in the fundamental factors of the child's existence. As a result - awareness of the limited flow of admiration and resolution. This is the cause of the vicious circle of the pathological complex.

The clinical manifestation of this type of intra-family relations, with statistical significance of differences, occurs more often in girls than in boys.

As a result of the study for children 6-7 years old, the following characteristic clinical manifestations were identified:

• presence of hysteria. The child falls to the floor with loud cries, cries, kicks, arms and head, arches,
• the ease of occurrence of conflicts, resentment, behavioral disorders due to the involvement of the individual in the pathological process. This changes the orientation of the significance of relationships with others, from close to unfamiliar,
• the phobic component includes the loss of others: fear of loneliness, darkness, fear of death,
• difficulties in mastering reflection,
• ease of establishing contacts and orientation in the surrounding world,
• facultative systemic disorders manifest as encopresis or elective mutism

Psychotherapy consisted in increasing the intrinsic value of both the child and the parents (“You can enjoy yourself”). This approach opened access to the resource state.

Clinical Case 3

Varya M., 7 years old, attends a kindergarten.

Complaints when contacting:

• constant tantrums - screaming, stamping his feet, falling to the floor. Does this both at home and on the street, more often after conflicts in the presence of a grandmother or mother;
• does not tolerate changes in plans;
• touchy, especially in relation to her younger brother;
• persistent and demanding in their desires;
• lately, sleep has been disturbed, night tantrums have appeared;
• he is jealous of everyone for his brother, envies him, tries to make him feel bad.

Heredity is not burdened with mental illness. The family currently consists of 4 people. Mother - 29 years old, higher education, no bad habits. By nature: at times categorical, quick-tempered. Father - 30 years old, higher education, no bad habits. According to his mother, by nature he is calm, but principled. The youngest child is 1 year old, the boy is healthy.

Varya rarely had colds; at the age of 2, she had fibrillary convulsions against the background of a high temperature. She has been attending kindergarten since the age of 3, she adapted within a month. From early childhood she was mobile, emotional. She tried to attract attention to herself, at times she was capricious, stubborn. In kindergarten, she was the favorite of the teacher, she constantly performed at matinees, willingly dressed up. I liked it very much when guests came. From childhood infections, she suffered parotitis, chicken pox. She was especially loved by her paternal grandfather, who fulfilled all her desires and whims. On this occasion there were frequent scandals between adults. Two years ago, the apartment was exchanged, and the family began to live separately from the grandparents. After the move, the girl became rude, irritable. If her desires were not fulfilled, she could cry for hours, kick her feet, and refuse to eat. A year ago, a brother appeared (the long-awaited boy). The girl's sleep was disturbed, she began to wake up at night, lying on the bed, banging her head against the wall. He does not want to go to kindergarten in the morning, he screams, in spite of his parents he says “bad words”, persuasion only intensifies the hysteria. In kindergarten, she is executive, has many girlfriends. In the evening, he does not want to return from kindergarten. Attends a ballroom dance studio.

Behavior in consultation. She entered the office with a light step. She herself gave her name, began to play with toys, look at books. Makes contact quickly. Movements are free, mobile. The face expresses interest. Facial expressions are lively, emotional. Diligently wants to make a good impression.

Vocabulary is sufficient. He catches the hidden meaning of proverbs, sayings and metaphors. Thinking at a normal pace, concrete-figurative. Memory is somewhat reduced due to memorization. Intelligence is age appropriate. Demanding and inert in their desires. “I want the same pictures as yours. I dreamed about them for a long time. I will be in a bad mood when I leave you, I will cry if I don’t have such pictures.” The response to situations of frustration is initially insincere: "That's what all decent girls do."

Behavior in the first lessons is adequate. Actively involved in game processes, striving to play a central role. Then, during game psychotherapy, he gives a reaction of resentment, goes into a corner, sits turned away from everyone, cries.

During an individual conversation, she said that no one loves her at home, only her grandfather, but he does not live with us now, because. quarreled with mom and dad. Makes fantastic, impossible plans for the future: “I would like more than anything to become a sorceress, have a magic wand and marry a prince.”

As a result of the analysis of observations, it is possible to reveal the mechanisms of relationships in the family in the “grandparent-parent-child” system.

A decrease in the joy and admiration of others about the existence of a daughter in connection with the appearance of a second child (long-awaited son) and the exchange of an apartment led to a change in attitude towards the girl. There are more restrictions and responsibilities. Not a trace remains of the former permissiveness.

This was also facilitated by the personal characteristics of the parents and grandparents: the grandfather, a psychopathic personality, of a traumatic genesis of an excitable circle, “broke down” on everyone except his granddaughter. The mother reveals the neurotic personality. The father refused psychological examination. In the family, contradictions were revealed in the relationship between parents and grandparents (the conflict reached its climax when the apartment was exchanged). This was expressed in a different attitude towards the girl:

Mother: “Make others happy! Work hard!”

Father: “Make others happy! You have to do your duty!”

Grandfather: “You are better than others! Rest, you will always have time to work out!”

At the time of the examination, the mother was highly critical of her daughter, constantly demanding: “Don’t mess around!”, “You’re messing around again, work,” “Don’t be small,” etc.

By her way of life, by her actions, the mother proved that success and happiness can be achieved only on one condition: “Make others happy”. There was a strong orientation to the opinions of others in the mother, combined with the desire: "I will prove that I am strong." In addition, the mother passed on the prohibition of belonging and intimacy. “I have too little time to love two children.”

The girl's father was also demanding in his verbal expression: "You must bear responsibility and duties", "You have already grown up." Life principle: “Please others” was confirmed in the thoughts, actions and emotions of the father: “Please others and you will succeed”, “Please others like this...”, “Please others, and I will love you”.

Grandfather (father's father) conveyed opposite messages: “Relax, play, you will always have time to work out”, “You can demand everything!”, “You are the best”.

The contradictory nature of prohibitions in both parents and grandparents formed a conflict, which was intensified by the exchange of apartments and in emotional confrontation.

The child is a "hostage" of the resolution of the conflict of adults, comes into conflict with the outside world.

Psychotherapy in this case consisted in teaching the child a new form of response in the children's group; in acceptance and understanding of each other by parents, mother and grandfather in an adult group, teaching tactful attention to “stroking” each other in joint psychotherapeutic sessions.

The condition of the girl and relations in the family returned to normal.

SYMBIOTIC TYPE OF INTRA-FAMILY RELATIONS

The symbiotic type has its own characteristics in the "parent - child" and "grandparent - parent - child" systems, based on the following provisions:

• Neurotic disorders in children of this age arise as a result of a conflict in the “parent-child” system due to the loss by children of freedom of action and their own responsibility for actions. Adults want to completely solve all the problems of the child, without solving their own.
• Excessive guardianship and protection from all difficulties force the child to define his external environment as positive (protective and protecting), and attribute his inability to realize himself to his inferiority, which determines the negative assessment of his own “I”.
• Limitation as a result of parental influence causes an internal protest, manifested in the repetition of external and internal actions, as a realization of internal inconsistency and dissatisfaction. Thus, this malaise is characterized by an internal conflict with a negative assessment of the “I”.
• The possibility of realizing one's abilities in a child is replaced by a process of “visible” activity, i.e. the result is replaced by a process characterized by the following injunction: “In order to adapt to this world, you don't have to do anything, just 'try'.

The study revealed the following characteristic clinical manifestations for this type of intra-family relationships:

The psychotherapeutic impact in this type of relationship was the development of independence, the ability to make decisions and be responsible for them for children, as well as the acquisition of a sense of freedom and autonomy for adults.

Clinical Case 4

Borya S., 7 years old, student of the first grade of secondary school. Parents asked for psychotherapeutic help with the following complaints:

Anamnesis: mother - 32 years old, higher education, healthy, no bad habits. He considers himself by nature emotional at times quick-tempered. Father - 33 years old, higher education is healthy. Smokes. Does not abuse alcohol. According to his mother, he is calm and balanced by nature, somewhat indifferent to his son. Brother - 15 years old, studying at a vocational school, healthy.

Heredity is not burdened with mental illness.

He began to keep his head in a month, sit at 6 months, walk in a year. First word at 10 months, phrasal speech a year.

In a year, he was registered in a tuberculosis dispensary for a positive Mantoux test. Deregistered after a year. At the age of 1.5, he consulted at the Meshalkin clinic about a heart murmur, the diagnosis was not confirmed. At the age of 2, he underwent surgery for adenoids. From childhood infections, he suffered parotitis at the age of 5. At the age of 2.5, he began attending a nursery. He cried for a long time, refused to eat, enuresis became more frequent. Until the age of 3, the family lived together with their maternal grandmother, then they exchanged apartments. At the age of 3 he had bronchitis. After recovery, he again went to kindergarten, to a new group. He refused to attend kindergarten. It was then that twitching of the shoulders and sniffing appeared for the first time. These manifestations intensified after conflicts, emotional experiences (for example, matinees). In behavior with children in kindergarten he was in conflict, he had no friends. Throughout the whole time he attended kindergarten without desire, only in the preparatory group he stopped crying. He often suffered from colds. Since the age of 4, he has been registered with a neurologist for neurosis, he was treated with medication. Neurotic manifestations decreased after a course of drug treatment, but did not disappear completely, appearing after an extreme situation. At the age of 6 he became more active, a group of friends appeared in kindergarten. At the age of 7 I went to school with a desire. I ended up in a new team, because. The school was not in the neighborhood where the kindergarten was. Could not adapt, a week later he began to refuse to attend school. At the end of September, after a conflict with the teacher, persistent sniffing and twitching of the shoulders reappeared. Traditional drug treatment did not work. A week before the appeal, he had a fight with classmates, after which his sleep was disturbed, at night he screamed and cried in his sleep. He categorically refuses to go to school. Mom asked for help with a desire to transfer her son to individual training.

From the school profile:

The boy is active, mobile, there is no constant contact with children. He is currently coping with the program material, has some difficulties with calligraphy.

behavior during the consultation. I did not want to go into the office, I resisted. During the mother's story, he constantly fidgeted in his chair, fingered, pulled his mother's dress, repeating: "Let's go, let's go!". Contact was established gradually. In the presence of his mother, he did not answer questions, with tears he remained in the office. At the beginning of the conversation, he answered questions in monosyllables, sniffed, twitched his shoulders. During the game, he became more active, began to talk about himself, twitching of the shoulders and sniffing decreased depending on the involvement in the game.

Vocabulary is sufficient. Attention during the first visit is reduced. Thinking at a normal pace, concrete-figurative. The memory is sufficient. Intelligence is age appropriate.

After establishing contact, he said that he began to twitch his shoulders and drive his eyes after a conflict with the guys at school. “They took my briefcase away from me and didn’t want to give it back. I began to fight, and they took me to the director.” At the time of the examination, he treats the situation at school with the children and the teacher without due criticism, considers himself a “victim”, feels the aggressiveness of the world around him. According to the subject, twitches often appear at school during tests or at a big break. He thinks he can contain himself. On weekends and holidays, twitching decreases or stops altogether. Lately, his sleep has been disturbed, he has trouble falling asleep. “What I think about is what I dream about.” Afraid of the dark, because. brother scares. "Speaks in an evil voice." Likes to be a designer.

Interactions in the family in this clinical example were typical for a symbiotic type of relationship in the “grandparent-parent-child” system.

Despite the fact that the family is formally complete, the father abstained from raising his son. The relationship between mother and son is a psychological symbiosis. The mother sees the meaning of her existence in the upbringing of her son, constantly protects, protects and fulfills everything for him. Until the age of 3, my grandmother did the same.

When analyzing the relationships, prohibitions characteristic of this type of interaction were determined.

Both on the mother’s side and on the father’s side, the behavior proved that in order to achieve success, love and strength in life, one must “Try!” (not to do, but to create the appearance of activity). One of the main prohibitions transmitted by the mother verbally and non-verbally is the prohibition on actions, on decision-making, on the opportunity to be responsible for one's actions. “If you want me to love you, don't do it. I will do everything for you.” These messages were reinforced by powerful wordless prohibitions on activity. "Do not leave me!"

The position of the formal inclusion of the father in family affairs consolidated the masculine form of behavior in the son - “Try!” This was reinforced by a ban on intimacy. "Don't be close and you won't be required."

Interactions with the ancestral link (cohabitation with a grandmother) supplemented the relationship matrix with new prohibitions: a prohibition on health and a prohibition on thoughts. “If you want more attention and care - pain!”, “Everything will be decided for you, don’t” think!

When faced with the impossibility of the child to make a decision on his own and increased demands on him, they led to neurotic disorders.

Psychotherapy in this case consisted in teaching the child to make independent decisions and be responsible for them; to have and be able to use free time. For parents: the acquisition of self-importance and inner autonomy from the mother, the acceptance of the son by the father and the change in relations with the grandmother. The psychotherapeutic complex brought its results and took 1.5 years in duration.

INTENSE (COMPLICATED) TYPE OF INTRA-FAMILY RELATIONS

In the course of the study, the patterns of relationships in the family with this type were determined:

1. At the heart of the deformation of the “parent-child” system is the lack of a resource state, early conflict between mother and child (complete rejection of the child or rejection of gender, age, etc.),
2. Areas of parental inhibitions include prohibitions on existence, individuality, and actions,
3. Any manifestation or action of the child is devalued. This leads not only to a negative assessment of the “I”, but also to the devaluation of the external world. “Yes, I am bad, but who is good today?”,
4. Non-acceptance of changing attitudes “here and now”,
5. The type of relationships in the family is complicated. For a given age, in 45% this type of relationship was combined with executive.

For children of preschool and primary school age with a complicated type of intra-family relations, the following clinical features are characteristic:

Psychotherapy in this case consists in relieving tension, working with depreciation, accepting oneself and the world around “here and now”. With a ban on existence, it is necessary to carry out work to replace personal history and form a resource source.

Thus, there is a direct dependence of clinical violations of relations in the family of children with parents and parents with grandparents. Each type includes the influence of parental zones of prohibitions on the spheres of children's conflicts. Examining 160 children with neuroses (Veselkova E.A., Ph.D., 1992), violations of family relations were distributed as follows:

In the course of the study, it was found that the stage of the course of neurotic disorders depends on the increase in the zones of prohibition, the intensity and duration of the damage to the system of relations: reaction, state or neurotic disorders.

The study of the clinical manifestations of these relationships helped to combine the reasons for the appeal (external dissatisfaction of the parents with the child) with the complex of prohibitions and permissions (internal conflict) presented to the child both verbally and non-verbally into a psychotherapeutic complex; with the problems of the parents themselves (zones of prohibitions) and their relationship with the ancestral link.

At the same time, it was revealed that neurotic disorders in children aged 6-7 years are associated with psychological support complexes (false connections), both on the part of the children themselves and their parents, and, accordingly, have different methods of psychotherapeutic resolution.

COMPLEX OF GROUP PSYCHOTHERAPY OF NEUROTIC DISORDERS IN PRESCHOOL AND PRIMARY SCHOOL CHILDREN AND THEIR FAMILIES

GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS OF THE GROUP PSYCHOTHERAPY COMPLEX

The developed system of group psychotherapy is based on the fundamental provisions of domestic psychotherapy, psychiatry and psychology, the main of which are the following:

The position developed in the theoretical concept of V.I. Myatishcheva (1960), according to which personality is the product of a system of significant relationships, therefore, effective psychotherapy and psychocorrection are unthinkable without including both the child and his family in the treatment process.

Scientific concept of V.Ya. Semke (1978), who considers neurotic disorders as “a functional disease state that arises and develops in conditions of an unfinished psychotraumatic microsocial situation that caused a sharp emotional overstrain and an irresistible personal need to eliminate the created situation” (p. 32). What allows the psychotherapeutic impact (in relation to children of preschool and primary school age) to direct the satisfaction of personal needs by changing the relationship in the "parent-child" system.

The position organized by D. B. Elkonin (1978) that the corrective potential of the game lies in the practice of new social relations in which a person is included in the process of specially organized game activities.

The position of the theoretical concept of the personality of S. L. Rubinshtein (1973) on the forms of psychological contacts between people.

The position of the theory of L.P. Yatskov (1991) on the use of group psychotherapy as a purposeful, selective-individual and active impact of phased psychotherapy.

This complex of group psychotherapy takes into account the peculiarities of neurosis in children of preschool and primary school age, violations between the grandparents - parents and children.

The system of psycho-corrective work is aimed at:

The psychotherapeutic sequence was as follows:

The complex of group psychotherapy was carried out in groups of children with neurotic disorders aged 6-7 years with their parents and grandparents. The number of children in the group, according to the effectiveness of the results of the work, should not exceed 10-12 people, the minimum effective number of children at this age is 5 people. Psychotherapeutic sessions with parents included the mandatory participation of parents in group psychotherapy (which was a selection criterion) and were conducted with both one and two parents of the child. The best option is to work with two parents, as well as grandparents living together. Although the presence of the latter, especially in the early stages of work is not necessary. In case of remarriages, it is desirable to participate in psychotherapeutic sessions of adoptive fathers or mothers.

The developed complex of group psychocorrection was preceded by individual work on collecting an anamnesis, psychological examination of children and parents.

During the collection of anamnesis, special attention was paid to the reasons for children's dissatisfaction with themselves, as well as the demands put forward by parents and grandparents to the child. Be sure to find out the desires, dreams, unrealized needs and opportunities of both children and parents.

During the collection of a family history, the ability to solve “dead end”, conflict situations observed in children, parents and grandparents was clarified.

Psychological examination, according to the study, it is advisable to include in the psychotherapeutic complex. This reduces the time of the initial examination and contributes to the improvement of group dynamics.

For example:

1. TAT-thematic apperception test. When using this test in psychotherapeutic work, a variant was used when the child himself chooses the picture he likes, composes a story or stages it, with the help of a group and a psychotherapist. Various new forms of response are being played.
2. Test of unfinished sentences. In the psychotherapeutic block, this technique was used as the beginning of a clinically conditioned creative episode (trance or psychodramatic character), which begins with a psychotherapist and ends with children.
3. Rosenzweig's frustration study technique (children's version).

In the psychotherapeutic complex, the Rosenzweig technique was used to identify actual frustrating situations and work with them. This technique, like the adult version, is most effectively used as an ecological check of the psycho-correctional work done.

In the method of studying Rosenzweig's frustration (adult version) there was a peculiarity in psychotherapeutic work. According to this method, there is a longer duration in the development and application of new tactics of behavior in parents than in children.

All proposed psychological tests can be supplemented depending on the characteristics of children's groups.

When forming psychotherapeutic groups, the question initially arises of the possibility of working with different neurotic disorders in one group. According to our observations, there should be a certain ratio of different clinical forms, which would make it possible to find the similarity of problems and at the same time use the experience of other members of the group for whom this situation is not a “dead end”. Thus, taking into account the fact that the children's group should not exceed 10 people, the number of children with one clinical form can be at least 2 and not more than 4 people. The presence in the group of children with various neurotic disorders makes it possible to expand the experience of not only children's, but also parental relationships.

The duration of psychotherapeutic sessions is directly related to the clinical and dynamic definition of the state of neurotic disorders: reactions, state or neurotic development of the personality. Based on the results of this study, the duration of treatment should correspond to the following terms:

The stability of the obtained results of treatment is ensured by supporting psychotherapeutic courses (groups of personal growth), which are carried out with:

The complex of group psychotherapy with children of preschool and primary school age with neurotic disorders was carried out in 5 stages:

1. Group psychotherapeutic work with children.
2. Group psychotherapy sessions with parents and grandparents.
3. Conducting a group psychotherapeutic training for children in the silent (as observers) presence of parents, with further analysis in the adult group.
4. Joint group psychotherapeutic work of children with parents.
5. Supportive course of correctional work with children and their parents.

GROUP PSYCHOTHERAPY WITH CHILDREN

Stages of the course of children's groups

First stage consists in practical group psychotherapeutic work with children with neurotic disorders in a closed group, i.e. new members are not accepted into the group, the work takes place without the presence of relatives.

At the first stage of group psychotherapeutic work, the following tasks are solved:

After analyzing the work at the stage of children's groups, the stages of the course of the group psychotherapeutic process were identified, therapeutic modalities were developed, as well as blocks of psychotherapeutic action.

The following stages of the children's group were identified.

Initial stage. This is the dating stage. Together, children and the therapist create an environment of trust.

Initially, this stage is characterized by an atmosphere of alertness and tension on the part of the child. This moment is critical for the fruitfulness of further cooperation with both children and their parents. This is the time to draw up a psychological contract.

Drawing up a psychological contract with children, according to our study, is an important indicator of the effectiveness and durability of the results. In practice, it is carried out in an open discussion by the children's group, together with the psychotherapist, of the intentions of each member of the group, including the psychotherapist. Often the problems with which parents come to a psychotherapist are not recognized by children. In such cases, parental problems are not discussed, the work goes on with the complexities of family relationships and the child's own dissatisfaction. Such experience of working with children's problems helped to establish a pattern: the presence of perceived identical childhood shortcomings in children and parents indicates a deep personal inferiority of the child and an imbalance in family relations, while the child's unawareness of his own shortcomings signals only a violation of intra-family relations.

The form of presentation of the psychological contract in children is different,

psychodrama option. "I give you my secrets in exchange for what you want to get rid of." Modification of the “Magic Shop Moreno”.

game option drawing up a group code or laws. “We are going with you on a journey to new countries. People live there according to different laws. Today we will visit the country where I... and you...”. "Let's make up the laws of this room so that we can live well in it."

Trans option. “We sit down in soft, comfortable chairs and go on a space flight. We close our eyes. Hands are soft and relaxed. Legs relaxed, heavy. Shoulders are slumped. On the count of 10 we will begin our journey... (then the traditional trance input). We rise higher and higher in our spaceship. There are stars and planets around us. Each planet has its own characteristics, its own laws. There are laws for all planets, for our space world. To live in harmony with this world, let's decide what each of us will do...”, etc. There is a main theme of the lesson. Then the withdrawal from the trance state. “You feel your body, arms, legs. They are filled with strength and vitality. On the count of 3, we open our eyes and return to the room...” In the trance version of work, each session begins and ends with an immersion.

The condition for drawing up a psychological contract in psychotherapeutic groups for children with neurotic disorders aged 6-7 years is the state of the game, which opens up the possibility of using curiosity, involvement, insight, the ability to perform new actions to master new forms of response. If this stage is not given importance, then psychotherapeutic sessions may end in premature termination of treatment, turn into sabotage, or the effect will be short-lived.

During group work, according to the results of the study, it was found that for the initial stage in children of preschool and primary school age, the personal contact of each child with a psychotherapist is especially important. Therefore, even when working together, individual communication is necessary. At the same time, it must be remembered that each child has his own ways of expressing himself in establishing contact. So there are children who at the beginning of the course are extremely negative, not allowing the psychotherapist to carry out psychotherapeutic correction, destroying the relationship of trust. The other extreme is when there are children in the group who are very passive, accept unconditionally all the suggestions of the psychotherapist and do not show their own initiative. There are children who, although in a playful way, ignore the desire of the psychotherapist, without showing hostility, emotional detachment and aggressiveness.

To establish contact with each child, the initial orientation of the child to his own well-being is possible, with the help of developed stereotypes. For example, for a success-oriented child: “Be the first!”, you can offer: “Will you be the captain of the ship?”

With a negative attitude towards others or negative self-esteem, the return to the child's own experience makes it possible to determine significant, triggering actions for the implementation of a positive resolution.

At this stage, the therapist can assess the child's readiness for intimacy and trust and therapeutic intervention.

stage of conflict. This stage is characterized by an increase in the growth of activity and energy on the part of children. The reason for this is often a test of what is permitted by the child in the relationship with the therapist and with the group. Often at this stage there is both an aggravation and a demonstration of the internal conflicts of the child himself and his family. The importance of the stage lies not only in setting boundaries for children who need strong and clear internal limits, but also in facilitating positive opportunities for self-expression for children whose insecurities often hinder adjustment.

This stage is characterized by both individual conflicts (self-assertion, self-realization) and group conflicts between groups of children and between children and the psychotherapist. The presence of such conflicts indicates good group dynamics.

Working stage. The name of this stage corresponds to psychotherapeutic work - the development of new solutions and ways of interaction. Children and the psychotherapist are actively looking for them in the course of psychotherapeutic training, both during the game and during the analysis of their relationships. It is only at this stage that the child becomes less closed and protected and can use the newly acquired sense of trust for a new style of response (spontaneity, receptivity and freedom) in family relationships and a new perception of himself in the world.

Final stage. As the psychotherapist and children move towards the final stage of work, there is a decrease / intensity of the psychotherapeutic relationship. At the same time, each child begins to confirm more and more his abilities outside the psychotherapeutic group, solving his problems on his own. This regularity testifies to the productivity of psychotherapeutic influence.

Parallel to this, there may be attachment to the guys from the group and the psychotherapist himself, as participants in the new realization of each. At the same time, the relationship goes beyond the “psychotherapist-patient” and acquires a friendly tone. Such relationships, in our opinion, are undesirable in the case of an unfinished treatment process, because require constant confirmation and lead to psychological dependence of the child on the psychotherapist. Although there were exceptions in our experience. For us, a more important and fundamental criterion for the fruitfulness of psychotherapeutic treatment is to provide the child with the opportunity to make decisions independently, be responsible for his choice and be able to change it if necessary. This does not mean that the child will decide everything without adults or resist them. The state of self-sufficiency allows you to expand access to the experience of parents, other adults and children.

I would like to note that the process of psychotherapy in children's groups does not always actually fit into the identified stages. Children do not always obey the stereotypes of these phases. The amount of energy and time spent on one or another phase also varies depending on the stage of the clinical and dynamic process of neurotic disorders with which the child is brought to a psychotherapist. Children of preschool and primary school age with neurotic disorders have an individual perception of the psychotherapeutic process. So, someone has serious problems how to enter the initial stage of the psychotherapeutic process, and someone has great difficulty in parting.

Psychotherapeutic modalities

The first stage of psychotherapeutic group work with children with neurotic disorders identified therapeutic modalities as a way of expressing the conflict of children of preschool and primary school age. There are quite a few (even according to foreign literature) recommendations on the method of choosing modalities in the group psychotherapeutic process for each child. Three categories of psychotherapeutic impact were identified according to the ways of expressing their problems in children 6-7 years old:

In the course of the study, it was found that the way the child uses the way of expressing the conflict is determined by the choice of psychotherapeutic modality. According to our study, a direct relationship was revealed between the composition of the group in terms of methods of expression, psychotherapeutic means of influence and the effectiveness of treatment results.

Fig.3

Thus, the use of certain psychotherapeutic techniques (body-oriented therapy, psychodrama, transactional analysis, etc.), taking into account the modality (way of expressing problems) of the child, easily makes it possible to detect the sources of internal conflict in children. This is the basis for working with parents and grandparents.

Based on this model, a child who prefers a motor way of expression will devote little time to direct verbal (verbal) communications regarding their conflicts and problems. Such a child will choose activities that include muscle work: throwing a ball, jumping, running, crawling, wrestling, shooting. If the psychotherapist does not offer this to him on his own, in order to realize his problems, then the child himself will become the initiator of such actions in the group. These children very often find relief in mobile forms of play, thereby achieving an assessment of their capabilities through physical manifestation. For such children, as well as their parents, who are the prototypes of this form of expression, classes in the body-oriented technique are especially productive. In our experience, the most successful and playful ways: playing Indians, a desert island, hiking with natural obstacles and role-playing games with dressing up. In the future, in the course of psychotherapeutic sessions, all outdoor games are gradually filled with an analysis of what is happening and an expansion of forms of response.

A good way to use analysis in working with children of preschool and primary school age can be the psychotherapist's commentary on their own behavior or actions, which can become a bridge from non-verbal self-expression to verbal analysis of what is happening by children.

With a metaphorical-symbolic way of expressing the conflict, various techniques of psychodrama, as well as fabulous trance storytelling, can be used. The fastest way to move into a real analysis of personality changes in this case is to work with a fairy tale. The plot of the tale can be changed so that the child can use the safety of fantasy in order to maintain an emotional state while working on a problem. Just as in the first case with motor-oriented children, there is a sequence of transition to the analysis of internal experiences. Initially, psychotherapeutic correction is carried out within the framework of a metaphorical way of expression. Thus, for example, the child engages the therapist and the whole group in a fairy tale about monsters that eat people to express verbal sadistic and aggressive conflicts. Then there is a transition to a less disguised form of expression. A child tells a story about a fight between a man and a woman and says, “It’s like mom and dad!” According to our experience, to improve the work, it is worth having in the arsenal a wide range of different options for the metaphorical-symbolic expression of the conflict. We used the following:

In subsequent lessons, the child can resort to all methods of expression. This is what allows him, through various methods of implementation, to reflect options for new solutions.

Thus, the task of the psychotherapist in this case is the correct formation of groups according to the ways of expressing the internal conflict. When choosing a group therapeutic modality, it is necessary to use an individual approach to each child, which corresponds to parental prohibitions and permissions.

Blocks of psychotherapeutic actions

In the course of the study, to determine the action of a psychotherapist in the children's group, the following blocks of psychotherapeutic actions were identified.

Diagnostic block. Classes in this block for the psychotherapist include a psychological examination of both modified ways of presenting testing, and specially designed to obtain information about the child's personality traits, his communication stereotypes and establish the internal boundaries of the child's control and permissibility. Particularly important in this block is work with visual representational symbols (Kleinewise E., 1980).

For example, Andrey S., blet. Considering the symbols, he says: “When mom is like this (Symbol of the Critical Parent), she hurries me: “Hurry, hurry, we are late!”, “You are messing around again.” Symbol of the Caring Parent - “Mom laughs and says to me: “Well done!” Adult symbol - "This is my brother - Misha." The symbol of the adapted Child is "I need a mouth." The symbol of the Rebellious Child is "I'm crying." The symbol of the Natural Child is "I laugh and no one notices that I am unhappy."

These statements show that the mother is transmitting the instruction: "Hurry!". The older brother has a strong influence and is associated with the Adult state. Disagreement is expressed verbally and rebellion is adapted, tk. tears drive out anger. There is a setting for hidden emotions, although the general mood is cheerful. Thus, when working with Andrey, it is necessary to take into account the relationship with the older brother. This can be used to develop your own Adult state. When working with a mother, you need to gain new experiences over time. To establish the internal position of the child “I am well-off, you are well-being”, he must have his own free time so that he can calmly and independently occupy it. The manifestation of true emotions and feelings requires psychotherapeutic work.

The first stage of work with children can be very diverse in terms of the way psychotherapeutic approaches and techniques are applied (various therapeutic modalities) and filled with various (active and passive) play activities.

orientation block. Work in this block includes mandatory classes, identifying the range of frustration for children in relationships with others, both with peers, family members, and significant adults (teachers, educators and psychotherapist); and in relation to events and states. The actions of the psychotherapist in this block are determined by the group dynamics of the relations that have developed in the children's group.

At this stage, it is important to restore all the positive experience of permissions (personal realization). If this is not enough to destroy the secondary benefit of neurotic disorders, the child's own positive experience is formed. In the course of the work, we used trance regression and psychodramatic sessions: “room of desires”, “magic wand of permissions”; exercises: “self-stroking carousel”, “stroking picnic”, etc. An integral part of such activities is reflection, learning and positive use of it by the child.

process block. The action of the psychotherapist at this stage is a direct work in resolving the behavioral stereotypes of the child from the resource state, consolidating new forms of behavior. This implies work:

This block is filled with various dynamic psychotherapeutic techniques: psychodrama, isotherapy and transactional analysis.

The final (final) block. This is a non-permanent block of actions of a psychotherapist in children's groups. It involves working (as needed) with the child's dependence on the group and the therapist, as well as working with separation. The last lesson of the complex is usually held in the form of a common holiday for children and adults with gifts, wishes and surprises.

GROUP PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC WORK WITH PARENTS AND PARENTS

Second phase psychotherapeutic complex consists in separate group sessions with parents and grandparents.

Usually these classes are held after classes with a children's group. A variant of parallel work with an adult and children's group with the participation of two psychotherapists or classes on different days of the week with three one-time lessons per week is possible.

The tasks of the second stage of the psychotherapeutic complex are as follows:

• creating an atmosphere of trust and frankness during the holding of an adult group to remove the positions of the defense,
• assessment of one's critical and punishing parental beginning. Psychocorrective work of the positions “victim”, “persecutor”, “savior”,
• analysis and understanding of the intra-family situation,
• mastering new practical skills in the course of group dynamics of an adult group (stage of conflicts),
• work with the problems of parents at the ancestral and interpersonal level,
• formation of new types of parental response.

According to the results of our study, psychotherapeutic sessions with parents and grandparents are most effective if they go through the following stages:
The psychological contract stage

The conclusion of a psychological contract with parents, as well as with children, is a necessary condition for effectiveness. At the first meetings with parents who are tired of the difficulties with the child, the psychological contract does not raise any objections. Coming to a psychotherapist, usually as a last resort, parents are ready for any conditions. Therefore, it is necessary to initially stipulate that the disappearance of neurotic disorders in children will require changes in the parents themselves, their relations with each other and relations with the grandparents.

The meaning of the psychological contract is expressed in a two-way exchange: “I offer you my experience and knowledge in exchange for the desire to change” or “You give me your problems in exchange for new forms of perception and response.” Parents who have strong ties to secondary gains develop resistance. “We wanted to cure our child, not treat ourselves,” they say. In such cases, it is better for parents to give time to understand the proposal. According to our data, psychotherapeutic work begins with inner work at the moment parents and children accept the psychological contract.

The patterns of the course of group psychotherapy in parents have their own differences from children's groups.

So, at the first meeting with a psychotherapist, the degree of frankness and trust is low. It often depends on empathy and acceptance by the therapist and the group of the positions advocated by the parents, on the confirmation of the significance of their thoughts and actions. Any assessment can change the psychotherapeutic impact and force parents to take a position of protection or aggression (internal or external) and thereby block the state of empathy.

Therefore, standard laws have been developed for the adult group:

• no one has the right to criticize and evaluate each other, but only to share
• your own experience or the experience of others,
• each of the participants can say “No” (the “stop” law) when he does not want to continue discussing the problem or when he does not want to actively participate in the activities of the group,
• the group takes any actions and decisions by common consent,
• expression of any emotion is accepted,
• no personal information is taken out of the circle, and is not discussed with non-participants in psychotherapy. It is allowed and even encouraged to share one's own experience and related experiences, talk about psychotherapeutic techniques and their results in the family circle, especially with family members who do not participate in psychotherapeutic trainings,
• it is forbidden in the classroom to discuss generally accepted topics that do not relate to family problems, i.e. engage in psychological "entertainment",
• if you want to say something, speak frankly, otherwise these words have no value for the group,
• the group is closed to outside observers, any new comer after acceptance by the whole group begins to work on an equal footing,
• ban on inactivity. There is a principle in the psychotherapeutic group “The more active you are, the more productive the work, the more significant the result”,
• any dissatisfaction, disagreement is expressed to the whole circle. This is a good opportunity for psychotherapeutic work.
• Considering that the verbal expression of internal and external conflict is generally accepted and socially approved for adults, work with parents continues with the analytical stage.

Analytical stage

It begins with an introduction to theoretical postulates; structuring their life experience and positions, analysis of behavioral stereotypes and forms of response. And then by defining their own relationships in the systems “parent-child”, “grandparent-parent-child”.

This is facilitated by working with a psycho-correction questionnaire and building relationship matrices both for your child and for yourself.

After that, based on the results of our study, it is advisable to continue psychotherapeutic work in groups with parents with their own early experiences. For this, trance regression, techniques for psycho-correction of early grievances, fears, etc. were used. This approach makes it possible to highlight their own problems, as well as to understand and accept their child.

Unlike children, adults only after the analytical block, which helps them to remove internal clamps and create an atmosphere of trust, begin to work with metaphorical-symbolic and non-verbal self-expression. We have developed a sequence of application of modern techniques of group psychotherapy for parents and grandparents (see Fig. 4). It is advisable to start the adult group with verbal analysis (work in the style of classical transactional analysis), then it is necessary to react to early experiences (work in the style of TA and Gestalt therapy), to harmonize relations with the child, it is better to end the group with non-verbal techniques of bodily therapy with elements of psychodrama.

So, work in an adult group can be represented as follows:

Working with the Relationship Matrix

Sometimes the need for psychotherapy is used by parents as confirmation of their position as a “victim” or “persecutor”. At the end of the analytical block, there is an awareness of one's position, as well as the intra-family situation. All this can have both emotional and behavioral form of expression. The beginning of this work is defined as the stage of conflicts.

Conflict stage

At this stage, in the sphere of emotional response in parents, the phenomenon of emotional discomfort, increased emotional openness comes to the fore. In the cognitive sphere, the awareness of one's family situation as a whole is most clearly manifested as unfavorable, dysfunctional, in the sphere of personal and parental self-awareness, it can be represented as dissatisfaction with oneself both in marital and parental roles. In the behavioral sphere, parents are actively attuned to change.

It should be borne in mind that parents often overestimate the psychotherapist. He is perceived as a superman capable of solving all problems. Dependence and constant orientation to the opinion of the psychotherapist appear. Between the opposite sex, transfer problems are characteristic. In such cases, it is worth devaluing the positions of the “rescuer” and “victims” and establishing an “equal” relationship.

This range of experiences in different areas often leads to conflicts in the group between married couples. The main principle of work at this stage is that parents make their own decisions regarding themselves, responsibility for these decisions and the ability to change them on their own. The transfer of responsibility to parents in the adult group can lead to a further variety of conflicts: from personal self-dissatisfaction, external or hidden confrontation between group members, and up to group association against the psychotherapist. This enhances group dynamics and suggests faster results in new ways of responding, changing personal and family stereotypes.

working stage

This stage consists in the realization of the “secondary benefit” of neurotic disorders in the “grandparent-parent-child” system, in the practical solution of one’s own problems, in the positive realization of the desires of parents and children.

A significant amount of time is devoted to solving the issues of the “grandparent-parent” circle. If the grandparents do not participate in the psychotherapeutic group, then when working with the parents, the relationship with them changes. Changes in attitudes come about by accepting them as they are, understanding the hidden motives of the grandparents, and also by changing the parents themselves.

It must be borne in mind that the process of group psychotherapy of three generations requires more time, attention and tact. Working with the ancestral link has its own characteristics. In the course of our study, psychotherapeutic patterns were identified that allow resolving these difficulties:

• it is necessary to use one's own early experience of grandparents and real experience with grandchildren to accept parents;
• entertainment such as “what was and what is” should be avoided;
• for the stability and effectiveness of the decision when working with the older generation, the rule regarding group decision-making is excluded;
• to make a decision, it is necessary to allocate a sufficiently large amount of time. Practice "open-ended" groups, where the final decision is made by the grandparents outside the group;
• obligatory joint classes of grandparents and parents on the theory of stroking, forgiveness (such as “What have I wanted to say for a long time?”);
• group psychotherapy sessions are needed, related to issues of death and feelings of guilt and resentment.

final stage

The last stage of work with parents is the implementation and consolidation of new (behavioral, emotional and cognitive) resources, as well as an environmental verification of the results achieved. There are many ways of environmental testing. Its principle boils down to the extent to which a new resource is available for implementation, i.e. to what extent he is accepted as a person.

FEATURES OF JOINT PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC GROUPS

Third stage complex group psychotherapy of neurotic disorders in children is a preparatory stage of the joint group.

During this phase, the following tasks are carried out:

At this stage, the work goes on in the same mode: after the children's group - the adult group, but the content of the work changes. Practical classes in the children's group are held in the silent presence of parents. Parents must adhere to the rules of observers:

At the practical lessons of the adult group, at the third stage of work, an analysis is made of what is happening in the children's group, but without evaluation and criticism, “analysis through oneself”.

There are several techniques for nonjudgmental perception:

This allows you to change the stereotype of perception of your child, realize your attitude towards him and work out new options for relationships.

Fourth stage complex consists in direct joint psychotherapeutic work with children and their parents.

The tasks of the group psychotherapy complex of this stage are as follows:

• practical development of new forms of parental response in a joint group,
• acceptance by parents and children of each other as they are,
• confirmation of solutions to problems in the parent-child system in a collaborative group,
• work with the ability to express emotions, feelings, analyze the situation, reflect during the interactions of parents with children.

Classes are a practical test of new relationships, the opportunity to change and adjust them.

At this stage, various psychotherapeutic techniques are used.

Fifth stage is a supportive course for children and their parents.

During this stage, the following tasks are solved:

With repeated groups on the maintenance course, there is a weakening of the psychotherapeutic dependence of children on the group, and the final classes may be calmer in tone.

The need for such a stage, according to the study, in children of 6-7 years old with neurotic disorders (especially with neurotic personality development) occurs after psychotherapeutic exposure, within the framework of the developed complex, after 3 months, then after 6 months, and then after 3 years.

At a distance from the first course of psychotherapeutic correction, classes are transformed from a treatment group into training in personal growth and communication skills, rehabilitation within a school or a regular kindergarten, provided that parents can participate.

First of all, it must be said that the so-called "problem" children do not exist. They become like this because of their parents. It is often not easy for parents to realize and accept this. Of course, it is easiest to assume that the responsibility for this lies with the child himself. But, unfortunately, this is not the case. Being confident in their authority and its infallibility, parents need to descend to earth from heaven. Such a joyful and unique event as the birth of a child is just a prelude to a long and difficult path of raising a new person who will have to go through life in his own way - unique and independent. Therefore, it makes no sense to dump on him the heavy burden of his own hopes, which have not come true.

Problems in parenting begin with a gross intrusion of parents into the life of their son or daughter.

For example, a mother wants her daughter, after graduating from the Institute of Foreign Languages, to live permanently abroad. Dad wants his son to become a doctor after graduation. And now mom and dad, having already decided everything, begin to realize their desires and dreams: they found training courses for the institute, agreed with tutors, looked at universities. But what about the children? What are they dreaming about? And this is unimportant for parents and does not matter anymore.

Rare children will not start to "rebel" in such a situation. Some simply tacitly disobey, while others actively oppose parental aspirations. So the “problem” child is ready. But in fact, the parents themselves created the problem and they will not be able to solve it in the usual ways (shouting, prohibitions, swearing). Here it is necessary to understand and accept that children have the right to their own opinion, and that they have the right to choose their own future. Then they develop self-confidence and responsibility for their choice.

Another example of gross intrusion of parents into a child's life is the desire to make an ideal out of him, perfection. And when the parents see any inconsistency in the behavior of the child with their ideal, they begin to correct it. However, their constant criticism does a disservice to children: gradually the child develops a belief that he, in fact, has more shortcomings than virtues, and that he cannot do anything about it. Hence the difficulties in communication. The child may become withdrawn or aggressive, trying to prove to himself and others that he is not as bad as he is thought to be. Therefore, it is very important for parents to learn constructive criticism.

In conclusion, I would like to say once again that "problem" children do not exist. There are "problem" parents. Being in delusions about education, they themselves give birth to such children. The adult world is not the best place for a child's life. Being in it, children owe everyone too much. And, of course, in order to assert themselves, they challenge adults and do not obey the rules of their world. Therefore, only great patience, deep love and understanding will help to avoid gross mistakes in education. And there will be fewer "problem" children!