My husband had a wife. How to behave with her? Ex / current wife does not allow to see the child - what to do

Unfortunately, no matter how beautiful the promises at the altar are, a large number of families today, after a certain time, still decide to dissolve the marriage and then minimize any relationship. At the same time, quite often the ex-wife forbids the father to see the child, thus trying to take revenge on the ex-spouse. How to be in such a situation and what the law says about this, we will consider further.

Whatever the reasons motivated by the unwillingness of the spouse to give the father the opportunity to see his child, only a court can prohibit taking part in the life of a child.

After the divorce, the father retains the right to communicate with his baby, take care of his material well-being and health. The law also allows the following actions regarding the child:

Organize meetings. The basis for this is Article 66 of the RF IC, which states that the mother of the child has no right to prevent the father from seeing her child. If it is not possible to reach a consensus through a peace agreement, then the spouse has the right to file a lawsuit in court and demand to set days for meetings.
Change the child's last name. After the baby is born, it is mandatory to assign a surname to him. It can be either the surname of the mother or the father. Without the consent of the baby, her spouses do not have the right to change her. Upon reaching the age of 14, the child can independently change it to another surname.
Ask the mother for information about the child. The wife must, at the first request, notify her husband about where the child is at the moment, how he feels, where he is being trained, how successful he is, etc.
Organize a trip abroad. Both spouses can take the child out of the country only with the consent of the second half or on the basis of a court decision that this approval is not required to obtain documents and travel. Federal Law No. 20 can be used as the basis for filing a lawsuit.

First of all, the legislation is interested in the fact that the child grows up in a full-fledged family, where both parents would take part in the upbringing. Therefore, if the ex-wife does not allow to see the child, then you can safely file a lawsuit and be sure that the authorities will support and approve the meetings.

Wife won't let me see my baby

According to the provisions specified in Article 65 of the RF IC, issues related to the upbringing, provision, training and other areas of the child's life, parents must coordinate among themselves and also receive approval from their child.

For example, the days of the meeting should be convenient for the father, approved by the mother and suitable for the child (do not coincide with circles, studies, etc.).

Unfortunately, this order is observed by a few parents. Most often, the ex-wife interferes with communication with children, setting them against their father, and the spouse, in turn, resorts to unsound actions in order to get the desired communication with their children.

Attention! What is the right way to act in such a situation? Everything is pretty simple. There are authorized authorities that are empowered to appoint days for the father to communicate with the children, and to oblige the spouse not to interfere with the joint pastime of the ex-husband and children. To do this, you need to draw up a claim and submit it to the district court, where, after the hearing, the days and time of the meetings will be scheduled.

This appeal must contain the following items:

information about the court where the petition is sent;
contacts of spouses and children;
PLO contacts;
evidence of violation of the rights of the father and the requirement for their elimination;
evidence that the spouse initially tried to negotiate peacefully.

Making a claim is one of the easiest steps on the way to getting the desired result. After all, court hearings, trials, demands and accusations from the mother, etc. are ahead.

Competent filing of a lawsuit

In order to correctly and competently present your wishes in court, it is better, of course, to seek the help of a lawyer specializing in this legal field.

After the end of the legal process, both parents will be served with an order to approve the meetings or deny the requested right.

If, at the end of the court hearing, the father received permission to spend time together with the child, but the mother still does not allow him to be with her child, then on the basis of Article 66 of the RF IC, bailiffs can hold the dishonest spouse liable and take the following measures:

Set a certain period during which it must begin to comply with the court decision.
Transfer the upbringing and care of the child to his father.

As practice shows, after receiving a court decision, ex-wives cease to interfere with the meetings of children and fathers, and therefore it is not necessary to resort to extreme measures.

Help of a lawyer

This legal area has quite a few different pitfalls, ignorance of which can cause the court to refuse to schedule mandatory meetings.

In difficult conflict situations, it will still be more useful to contact a specialized lawyer, because he has knowledge of all the provisions specified not only in the Family Code, but also in other Federal Laws and regulations.

As a rule, in standard situations, a simple consultation and conversation with a specialist is sufficient. When ordering a consultation, a lawyer must provide the following information:

How will the trial proceed?
What documents need to be prepared and submitted to the court together with the claim;
To acquaint the father with the main provisions of the Family Code, explaining the rights and obligations of the spouse.

If the ex-wife does not allow to see the children and at the same time has a good reason, for example, late payment of alimony by the spouse, excessive alcohol consumption or an irresponsible lifestyle, then in such a case the consultation will not be enough, and you will have to turn to a lawyer for help .

Drawing up a claim and collecting related papers.
Evidence base preparation.
Presence at the court session and protection of the client's rights.

As for the cost of specialist assistance, it depends directly on the services provided, their complexity and duration. The simplest procedures, such as preparing paperwork, will cost no more than 8,000 rubles, but representing a client in court can cost up to 40,000 rubles.

child's property

Another important aspect related to the protection of the rights of the child is aimed at the property of a minor. Each child should be provided with everything necessary:

household items (bed, wardrobe, table, etc.);
personal items (clothes, books and notebooks, hygiene products, toys, etc.);
living space (share in real estate).

The provision of children is the obligation of both parents, and therefore the father is also obliged to provide material and in-kind assistance.

If the wife, after a divorce, does not allow her to see the child, justifying her actions with the father’s complete material indifference, then her chances of winning the case are much greater. Moreover, the authorities may decide to deprive the father of parental rights.

Attention! The disposal of the child's money is made by the parent with whom the child lives. If the funds are used for the personal needs of the mother and at the same time the interests of the child suffer, then the father, through a court hearing, may demand that the right to raise the child be handed over to him, while allowing the mother to sometimes see the baby.

Deprivation of the father's rights to the child

The only legal basis for a ban on taking part in a child's life may be the deprivation of parental rights.

It is rather difficult to achieve such a conclusion from the court, but it is possible. As a rule, the following actions of fathers become the reason for deprivation of rights:

untimely or complete non-payment of alimony;
indifferent or irresponsible attitude to the upbringing of the child;
unhealthy lifestyle (use of drugs, alcohol).

The ex-spouse, in turn, can file a lawsuit for a retrial or ask for a probationary period. Parents also have the right to restore their rights to the child after a certain time.

Case Studies

To date, in judicial practice, there have been completely different situations and ways to solve them were also achieved by different methods. Some of the parents still seek to resolve the situation peacefully, thereby trying to save the child from psychological trauma and stress.

There are also parents who are not so attentive to their children, who, by manipulating their child, seek to annoy their ex-husband or wife. In such circumstances, the only possible solution is the court.

Let's look at the standard procedure in an example:

The wife filed for divorce. The husband without any objections signed the agreement, also approving the residence of the common child with the mother. After the couple reached a peaceful agreement regarding the meetings of the father and his child, but after some time the wife changed her mind and began to interfere in every possible way with this communication.

The husband filed a lawsuit in court, as a result of which the days of meetings were assigned to him. Even after that, the ex-wife decided not to back down and continued to limit communication between father and child. As a result, the ex-husband had to re-sue. The second court session made a positive decision regarding the received application and held the spouse liable for violating the decision.

Important! If the wife after the divorce does not allow to see the child, then you should not delay the registration and filing of a lawsuit in court. First of all, the wishes of the child are important to the authorities, and therefore if the mother sets the child against the father, then the parent may be refused to satisfy his petition.

The main thing to remember is that the attitude towards the child and the style of communication should not change after a divorce. The baby still needs to feel needed and valued. The creation of comfortable and peaceful conditions is the obligation of both parents, because the very fact of a divorce is already a strong trauma for the child.

Girls, I often read posts about ex-wives on the air. Which do not allow to live / interfere with life / are imposed / tired and so on. Especially if their children remained in that marriage.

So, you still decided to live with this man. You need him, only him, only him. Of course, in order not to run into exes, it is best to choose men without a past and without “problems” (I now call obligations of any kind problems, girls, do not be offended).

But if that's the case... first, accept the fact that he has a past. When we marry such men, we do not even suspect how such a past can sometimes affect us. Children from the former family will not go anywhere. And the older they get, the more requests there will be. The best thing you can do is not interfere. Trust experience. After all, you would probably not want to live with an irresponsible man. If he does not support children from a previous marriage in any way, this is good for you now. Then, at a difficult moment, he will turn his back on you in the same way. This characterizes him as an irresponsible person who has nothing sacred. At the same time, you should not drive him in the neck to pay. this will not change his nature. This is just a pure call for you that it is not worth continuing a relationship with such a person.

If the former does not give a child, does not allow her husband to communicate with him. My advice is this - do not wake dashing while it is quiet. Baha with a cart - it’s easier for a mare. Believe me, the man and the former will figure it out themselves. not just because it arose, they jointly created it. Don't just go there! In my opinion, when your man deducts sufficient alimony (not tiny, but normal) and is unable to communicate with the child due to the fact that the former does not give, this is the best option. So that both the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe.

If the former allows you to communicate with the child and even imposes it on you. Well, here is the best alignment for you - sincerely, if not to love, then make friends with the child. Whatever motives move the former at the same time, this will be the best position for you. So you will avoid scandals, quarrels with your husband, etc. "charms" and, without heating up the situation, you will control the situation on an equal basis with your husband - both material and time costs. You understand it yourself - for what and why.

There is another extreme - to succumb to the general belief that you all owe everything to everyone. And you have to be good. This is wrong. Remember - you don't owe anyone anything. Including that child. The more you try to be good, the more you will be ridden. This is especially convenient for a man usually - he is good in front of that family At YOUR Expense. Therefore, a healthy self-love is a must! The needs of you and your family should come first.

I honestly envy those women who could just love a child as their own. I haven't got it yet, but I'm trying.

If the ex-wife has unreasonable claims, she goes too far.

Usually such things are associated with jealousy. Even if such madams are married. Anyway, it's jealousy.

What can help you. Don't start a fight (although this is also useful in limited quantities if all other methods already fail). Start working not “against her”, but “for yourself and your family”.

If it's a call in the middle of the night. Before you make a fuss, exhale and ask yourself - why do you think they are trying to piss you off so obviously? The answer is simple - so that you quarrel with your husband. This is manipulation. How correctly they react to manipulations - do not pay attention.

Stock up on a sense of humor, patience and self-love. Don't let your confidence drop. Then even the call of an impudent woman will not piss you off. And then, on a cold head it is easier to think. And it is easier to resist her machinations. Forgive her in front of her husband. So that he himself saw the inadequacy of her behavior and her demands. You can bring the same thing that you usually bring through a scandal, bring to the attention of your husband through humor and banter. More efficient. And it is more useful to laugh than to yell and make trouble.

A woman may start provoking you. There are options here. If she is an experienced player, then she may well pull your man's old strings - so that you see that he is still in her power. You will be very uncomfortable. Kill it. Honestly. Don't forgive, but kill. At this very moment, there is nothing you can do. It is better to wait a moment and do what you need, but later. Do you care about results or momentary pleasure? No matter what she says or does, your man is with you. And if you "set the brains" to him in time - and this may be much later than the incident - she will definitely feel it. And it is your happy family that will be the very revenge that you may have thought about.

To be continued....

For all the figures, a figure, “this lady”, a man-problem, “the queen mother”, a snake under the deck - what kind of epithets did not sound about ex-wives / girls. They are either demonized, attributing an evil superpower, or they are reduced below the level of the sewer, they say, “stupid and messy.” However, you should learn to evaluate this person objectively - if only because one day you run the risk of colliding with her and learning all the "charms" of the situation when your husband's ex-wife threatens your marriage.

What to do if the ex-wife of the husband does not give rest

And here she is on the horizon. What if his ex regularly or occasionally causes problems? For example, now he calls your partner with requests, blackmails a child, accuses and harasses in various ways. Sometimes you get it too: "good people" secretly voiced the characteristics that she gives out to you. It is foolish to hope that the tormentor herself will be ashamed and disappear - you will have to learn to live with this, more precisely - with this one.

"Strange woman, strange..."

The question is, why would she? Well, they lived, they lived, and then they didn’t live (together) - so forget it, reset it, you don’t even have to congratulate the ex on his birthday. Remember with a kind word, if there is a common child - solve purely parental issues: do not poke your nose into the personal life of the former. But this sounds great in theory, but in practice, only a few demonstrate such “high ratios”. The rest are petty dirty tricks or turn into an ordeal for the psyche of the retired faithful and his new passion.

Motives of the "ex-wives club"

Women show the world the "dark side of the moon" for various reasons:

In the first place is, of course, an insult to the ex-spouse. He broke the fictional scenario where she was a princess, and he does not want to become a prince. He cheated, did not provide, was a bad father - underline or enter the desired option. After the deed, the offender will have to pay a high price, mainly in finances and nerves.
The second reason is that the former does not want to go by the wayside. It happens: the first wives for some reason always want to be the first. It is believed that the second and subsequent ladies are just their pathetic copy, a husband's attempt to console himself. And all the present - feelings, actions and property - supposedly went to the first lady. And this (again allegedly) gives the right to edit the life of the former at your discretion, well, at least at any time of the day or night, ask him to nail the shelf, drive this spider away, pick up the child on the weekend. Actually, ordinary egoism and a narrow-minded mind, but does it make it easier for you ...
Next on the agenda is ordinary hazard. In principle, the divorce did not hurt, the interests of the lady and the child were observed, and it would be possible to let the former go free, but I don’t want to. There is time and a desire to show him who shuffles the deck, because power is so intoxicating - and that's it, the game begins.
And sometimes the plot is sadder: for example, a woman does not recognize the fact of parting, intends to return the man and the relationship. Maybe the poor thing still loves, or maybe she doesn’t like the role of the abandoned and lonely, and then the rival showed up ... Instead of looking for reasons in herself or dealing with a man, the former is plotting a new member of the “triangle”.

No matter what the motives of the one that was before, the reaction of a man to the fact that the past is invading his present and future is much more interesting. Since we have identified the former as a problem, it means that he still responds to her call. How, why, why does he do it? Here's what the most common answers sound like.

It is easy for many adult boys to inspire a guilt complex, which is what ex-halves use. “You ruined my life and left a child without a father,” if you repeat the phrase with the frequency of a jackhammer, you can even impose responsibility on the closet. And here is a living person, and even a quivering dad. So he pulls the burden, not understanding to whom he flies to help once again - his own blood or his ex-wife. The main thing for him is that his conscience does not gnaw - and, if possible, the new wife / girlfriend does not saw.

Often a man on the "machine" continues to provide and support the former, it's no joke, we spent so many years together. In fact, it's okay, just need to start a new life - with a different scenario and heroine.

There are also any number of examples - a man cannot complete the previous story. I want to have both, and most importantly, that no one suffers.

Blackmail by a child/children is a dirty and reprehensible method, but hundreds and thousands of angry women do not choose methods. If dad compromised himself even a little (he was late for a walk), mom will paint the child in all colors who his parent is and how his land wears. In order to prevent child psychotrauma, dad dances like a windup and rushes at the first call.

Sentimentality is not alien to adult boys, they appreciate good memories. If people managed to leave in a civilized way, friendship and slight sadness over the bygone romance are very likely. You can also understand: pleasant moments, youth, dizzying passion and a sea of tenderness are associated with that woman. Now, of course, they are not up to carnal joys, which is also understandable - but is it forgivable?

Or maybe your chosen one likes this plot with Mauritanian passions? Two women need it at once - intoxicatingly! A man feels like a kind of prize, a chocolate cake, for which there is a battle, this raises self-esteem and the general tone of the body, you can enjoy it and add fuel to the fire. Of course, on his part, this is ugly, unworthy and stupid - but for this complex of three "not" you pay with tears and early wrinkles.

"Operation to begin immediately"

The first and most important thing is that if a woman from the past has already appeared in full growth and there are children left in that marriage, it will not be possible to dismiss it. But let's immediately prioritize: in the first place - the interests of children. Be smart and do not be jealous of small and not very people who are so important to your beloved man.

The second rule is not to get into a relationship with his ex-wife, she does not exist for you. No need to confront her, no need to think about what to say to her husband's ex-wife, write and call, appeal to conscience. And in exactly the same way, you don’t need to be friends, she is a sign. By all means, do not allow a situation where the "club of wives" turns out to be in a duet, and the man is isolated: "Deal with it yourself, girls." If there are sharp moments in that story, let the former spouses eliminate them themselves.

The third commandment is to control your reaction. Yes, you are hurt and offended when “this unbearable” calls again, but to start a scandal means to give up positions and appear in an unsightly form. For the first time, gently tell your partner: “Yes, of course, help, because you are the father.” In the second - already shrug your shoulders, they say, is there an urgent need to fly to the rescue. In the case of malicious relapses, you can’t do without confidential conversations, where you sincerely and calmly (!) Tell your soulmate that you saw your union a little differently. Talk only about your experiences, do not put forward conditions on what the previous wife should do / not do.

The next step is to mark the boundaries beyond which the ex-wife is not allowed to enter, and this must be done by a man. This will help break the emotional connection, which, apparently, is still lingering. If he persistently and without emotion explains the new rules to the other side, she will only have to comply: if not immediately, but she will get used to it.

Conditions of parity with the husband's ex-wife

Convey to the beloved that you will not urgently change plans because of the “urgent” call of the former, the exception is something very serious concerning children. By the way, plan your pastime with his heirs together, you have the right to vote.

It is also worth discussing the list of cases for which he is responsible - they are again related exclusively to children. Going to parent-teacher meetings, caring during illness, walking and helping with studies - dad is responsible for these things. But fixing the ex-wife's car, calling a repairman for her needs is already an honorable duty of the lady herself or a new admirer.

Finally, the most unpleasant moment - the lady poisons your life, spreads rumors, tries to quarrel you with the chosen one, incites children. Ignore as much as you can, any of your emotional attacks (especially aggressive ones) will be perverted and replicated.

Hold on and repeat like a mantra: each problem only takes up as much space as it gets attention. Although it is very difficult to save face, the only way to win this war is not to participate. Separately, you need to touch on the situation when the spouse clearly initiates competition between you and his ex. It won't end while you're in the game and ready to fight for it - draw your own conclusions. According to psychologists, the only person whose well-being is worth worrying about is you.

So, we agreed - you do not pay attention to the provocative antics of the "competing company". Rest assured, they will stop as soon as she arranges her personal life - try to sincerely wish her to fall in love, this is in your own interests.

And most importantly: do not dwell on the problem called "his ex-wife does not allow you to live in peace" - just live. There are so many interesting things around - hobbies, travel, friends, cinema, concerts and outings into nature. Use all the ways to please yourself and “dissolve” minor troubles in a stream of emotions that are not related to the person of your predecessor. The past cannot be deleted, but it is in your power to create a bright, joyful present - and invite a loved one into it. And outsiders are not allowed to enter!

zhenskayadolya.ru

If the ex-wife does not leave alone

“Why, when I got married, no one warned me that, along with my husband, I also got his ex-wife? This woman is a nightmare. She spoils the life of both her husband and, of course, me. Almost every day she calls us on the phone, turns their children against him, arranges scenes for them after the weekend they spend with us; and at the same time completely ignores me, although I have been married to him for four years! I don't want to fight it, but I'm not going to put up with the fact that it poisons our lives. The husband believes that he is powerless to appease her. How can I save our marriage from the ruin it is heading towards?”

People like this woman can be called "persecutors from the past." They do not recognize that they no longer have the former rights to their ex-husbands or wives. Naturally, they make your life hell. Here's how they do it:

They do not recognize your right to privacy and constantly violate it.

They try to make their former partner feel guilty by driving a wedge between him and his current spouse.

They pretend not to notice your relationship.

They extort more and more money from their former partner as punishment for the fact that he is now happy with you.

They blackmail him with threats to refuse to meet with children.

Turning his kids against both of you.

Suit ex-spouse sexual harassment and harassment.

"Pursuers" are those who are pathologically unable to come to terms with the loss of their partner and, trying to return the past, are ready to destroy his current life. If your partner has such a “pursuer”, then this means that you are in a situation of an emotional triangle, which is not so easy to get out of without loss. And do not blame one “persecutor” for everything, this is a really sick person, while your spouse’s fault is that he could not or did not want to establish sufficiently clear and rigid boundaries between himself and his ex-wife, who turned into a “persecutor”. If at one time your partner had taken a clear position and defined the boundaries separating him from his ex-wife, then, despite all the efforts on the part of the "persecutor", the scale of your problem would have been much smaller.

Sometimes a person cannot decide to finally break off a seemingly already ended relationship. Psychological dependence arises when it is difficult for him to decide on something that can injure his ex-wife. If he is completely indifferent to her and her suffering, he may simply not take seriously her attacks against you. In this case, you should draw his attention to this problem, not content with excuses like:

"Come on, let's give her time to calm down."

"No matter how she behaves, she will not dare to do us a real nasty thing."

"Don't mind her temper tantrums and she'll leave us alone."

From your letter it is clear that before the wedding you did not suspect what kind of life this woman would arrange for you. And this is natural, she became a "pursuer" when she realized that the matter had taken a serious turn. Until you began to live with your husband, you simply could not feel the magnitude of the threat. Perhaps he did not want to talk about her annoying calls and scandalous visits, so as not to upset you. And only after the wedding did you realize that she was far from being the ghostly image from the past that seemed to you before.

What people usually feel when they are in your place:

Angry at your partner because they seem more concerned with their ex's feelings than yours.

Resentment because he asks you to be more tolerant, not wanting to understand YOU.

Irritation, because time passes, and it does not get better.

Annoyance, because he feels guilty towards her.

Suspicion, because your relationship with your husband becomes less intimate and deep, and all because of it.

Outrage because the husband does not take you with him when he goes to pick up the children for the weekend, because he "does not want to hurt her."

People like your husband who are being "harassed" by their former partners very often suffer because of their emotional programs that prevent them from leaving the past. He may be tormented by a sense of guilt in front of his abandoned wife. If in childhood he experienced the separation of his parents, now he can treat his ex-wife as himself - a child, and to his current one - as his father, who abandoned his mother. Perhaps even because of his departure from his wife, he considers himself bad and unworthy of your love. It is also a serious threat to your relationship.

If your partner has a “persecutor from the past”, you must convince him that for the sake of your happiness, he must completely free himself from the past, overcome emotional dependence on his ex-wife, and protect your relationship from her influence once and for all. If the problem has become chronic, he should completely cut off all contact with it for a while. For example, when coming for children, he should not enter the house even for ten minutes, so as not to give her a reason for tantrums. Let the children leave the house themselves, he can wait in the car. He must communicate all necessary messages to her in writing or by fax, and not by telephone. You must help your husband overcome the painful complex; don't wait for the "past stalker" to stop its activities. She won't do it.

Discuss these tips with your husband and, if he again refuses to go against his ex-wife, try to convince him to consult a specialist psychologist. If he refuses this too, you should ask yourself why you live in this hell with no hope of change. Until he fully begins to fulfill his obligations to you, you will be unhappy. At the moment, your partner is emotionally damaged because he is still in the thrall of his ex-wife. If you really can't go on like this, tell him you're leaving and have him call when he's completely over the old relationship.

astrozodiac.ru

Hello Irina! let's see what's going on:

The ex-spouse takes a manipulative position in relations with her ex-spouse (your current young man) - he is in a state of blackmail and emotional pressure - they manipulate HIS CHILD - it is natural that the child is DEAR TO HIM and he is even ready to say that he is free, ONLY to see him, agree to the terms of his ex-wife. She takes an extremely immature position - BUT you, for your part, should NOT take the same immature position of an offended child.

before the relationship with me, he was married, there is a child of 5 years. His ex-wife is haunting us, I have speculation that she wants him back.

He DOES have a child and an EX-SPOUSE WILL be present in his life if HE accepts HIS ROLE as a FATHER and is ready to bear these obligations! This is what you need to accept! DO NOT make assumptions FOR her - HE IS NOT A THING! NOBODY WILL RETURN ANYONE! He divorced her, he made a decision! is he with you! It is important for you NOT to become in opposition against him (as his ex-wife does), but to take one position with him - otherwise, on the one hand, blackmail, on the other - jealousy and NO ONE who is WITH HIM! if you stand on the same side with him, THEN YOU will have more chances to support him, solve this problem, help him!

she put forward conditions, if he is not free, then she will not come, I don’t know why he did it, but he said that we broke up.

Of course, talk about your feelings, that this is not pleasant for you, but you can voice that you realize that he is driven by the desire to see the child, to take part in his life! voice that you are ready to accept him and his child (OF COURSE, IF YOU ARE READY?!), ready to help and support him. Further, it is worth discussing that the child acts as an object of blackmail, that this does not help either the child or your relationship with him - he needs to decide - HE is with YOU? or HE with HER? Who is HE - a victim of blackmail or can take a more mature position? Discuss how to solve this problem, how to see the child, WITHOUT becoming a victim - contact lawyers, sue the order of communication with the child - i.e. for him, the way out is an official solution to the problem, through the courts. You should make a decision - if you WANT to be with a man, then you should TRUST him (HE IS NOT a thing that can be returned! HE makes decisions for himself), and ACCEPT that HE is a FATHER and an EX-spouse WILL be present in his life, in the role of the MOTHER of his child! This is his past - this is HIS responsibility - rather, if he did not value the child and erased his ex-wife and him from the past, then this would be a wake-up call! BUT - he is responsible! Are you ready for this??? solve it for yourself first!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

www.allpsy.com

She constantly climbs into our lives. How do I get rid of my husband's ex-wife?

In this war, you can’t survive on your own, it’s necessary that the husband figure it out once and for all, up to a change of residence. The indignation of the ex-wife is natural, many women do this, they think that this way you can either return your husband or play a dirty trick. Nothing can be done about it, this is such a feminine nature. If you love your husband, then be patient, she will gradually calm down, but as long as the wound is fresh, she is angry. Only a man must defend his love, and this war between two women is a tragicomedy.

Very often, ex-wives, after a while, begin to be jealous of their husbands, albeit former ones, for a new girl, woman, even if a lot of time has passed.

And all for the reason that they cannot arrange their personal lives, so they try in every possible way to interfere with the happiness of their ex-husband.

If I were you, I would not react to e messages created on pages on social networks.

Yes, this is unpleasant, but delete your page with photos for a while, you will see it calm down after a while.

I ran into my husband's ex-wife myself.

Honestly, it was unpleasant when we just got married, this madam flies into the house in which we lived and begins to tell me how to live and how to behave with my husband.

Who cares who became the new wife of the ex-husband, why do nasty things, arrange unnecessary scenes, because everything is in the past, but alas, I myself can’t understand many women, but I know one thing, if the former begin to climb into life, then they are jealous or want to do bad things.

So my only advice is not to react to such insults both in real life and in social networks, believe me, the more we pay attention, the stronger they become.

I wish you good luck and all the best in your life.

I didn't want to answer, but I had to. Firstly, for the fact that she copied your photos and posted them on your behalf, you should file a complaint with the police. They are obliged to respond, at best, she will get off with a fine. In addition, to prevent people like her from climbing into your social networks, make the page available only to friends. Secondly, your husband must put an end to the persecution. You need to meet with her, no matter how much you would like it, and demand to leave your family alone. Thirdly, if it does not take effect, intimidate. My friend paid some punks a penny, they came to the offender, so scared that she never climbed again. (They didn’t beat her, didn’t touch her, everything was just words, but the aunt was frightened in earnest)))) Happiness to your family)))

You still need to leave the village. To a city or other village. Just a lot further. Once this disgrace does not stop for 5 years. The husband cannot solve this problem, apparently they broke up very badly. She has a great resentment, anger and envy at her husband. And you live with him and of course everything goes to you and the children. It is difficult to live constantly under pressure. You have children, think about them. She will start talking nasty things to your children. When she has a child, she may fall behind you. But if there is no family life and still remains alone with the child, the same story will begin. You don’t need to be friends with her, why get close to the person who is not pleasant to you. There will be no friendship, and you should not curry favor with it. How much more to live and endure, children grow up. Why keep kids busy.

You need to know the enemy in person in order to choose the tactics of the fight. Therefore, you should at least see your ex-wife, find out what kind of person she is. In general, if she constantly climbs into your life, the reason is in you or in your husband - one of you allows her to behave this way. Therefore, start with yourself, for example, start treating her lightly, with humor, it is especially useful to expose her in this light in conversations with her husband. Gradually lower its significance, and it will disappear from your life.

Based on what you wrote, I would draw several conclusions.

Five years have passed, and the girl has not calmed down yet and is trying to play dirty tricks on you, moreover, it’s vulgar and primitive, this is a clear medical diagnosis. This is also evidenced by the fact that for five years it has not been useful to anyone, and thereby tries to recoup you. Further, it can only get worse, so if there is an opportunity to change your place of residence, in one village, I would be afraid to live with her, having two children. Well, or in the opposite case, your motto for life, the words from the song, but we don't care ... and nerves of steel to boot.
This applies not only to you (well, to you to a greater extent). Girls who like to post photos of themselves and their children on social networks, think about how vulnerable you are. Here is a specific example of the author of the question.

Former relationships and ex-wives and husbands often take a long time to settle down after a breakup or divorce.
And this is not surprising.
Since everyone in a relationship pursues their own goals, someone of a personal nature (sincere love, a sense of affection, etc.), while others are selfish goals. for your own benefit.
It is impossible to judge in this situation on the author's question, since there is no more detailed disclosure of the situation, where information would be given on how exactly the ex-wife intermeddle in life.
But to somehow keep your ex-wife away from your new family, you can take the following steps:
1. if desired and possible on the part of you and e, meet and talk about what she really wants - perhaps you will be given a clear and intelligible answer - to return her husband to the family, receive compensation for the years lived, return property and whether to divide it and so on, based on this, you yourself or together with your spouse can come to a common decision on how to act in this situation;
2. moving to another city, settlement, etc., that is, changing the place of residence;
3. bring to the attention of the husband the information that his ex-wife does not give rest to you personally, your children, etc., because he does not know well and most likely will be able to influence her behavior in one way or another.
It should be noted such a nuance that, perhaps, the actions of the ex-wife are legitimate, if the husband treated her dishonestly and dishonorably.
Here you as a woman must also understand e.

What to do if the ex-wife of the husband does not give rest

"Strange woman, strange..."

Motives of the "ex-wives club"

Women show the world the "dark side of the moon" for various reasons:

In the first place is, of course, an insult to the ex-spouse. He broke the fictional scenario where she was a princess, and he does not want to become a prince. He cheated, did not provide, was a bad father - underline or enter the desired option. After the deed, the offender will have to pay a high price, mainly in finances and nerves.
The second reason is that the former does not want to go by the wayside. It happens: the first wives for some reason always want to be the first. It is believed that the second and subsequent ladies are just their pathetic copy, a husband's attempt to console himself. And all the present - feelings, actions and property - supposedly went to the first lady. And this (again allegedly) gives the right to edit the life of the former at your discretion, well, at least at any time of the day or night, ask him to nail the shelf, drive this spider away, pick up the child on the weekend. Actually, ordinary egoism and a narrow-minded mind, but does it make it easier for you ...
Next on the agenda is ordinary hazard. In principle, the divorce did not hurt, the interests of the lady and the child were observed, and it would be possible to let the former go free, but I don’t want to. There is time and a desire to show him who shuffles the deck, because power is so intoxicating - and that's it, the game begins.
And sometimes the plot is sadder: for example, a woman does not recognize the fact of parting, intends to return the man and the relationship. Maybe the poor thing still loves, or maybe she doesn’t like the role of the abandoned and lonely, and then the rival showed up ... Instead of looking for reasons in herself or dealing with a man, the former is plotting a new member of the “triangle”.

"At the crossroads of two roads"

"It's my fault"

"I'm used to"

"I am stuck"

There are also any number of examples - a man cannot complete the previous story. I want to have both, and most importantly, that no one suffers.

"I'm afraid of losing my children"

"I remember good things"

"I'm in demand"

"Operation to begin immediately"

First and important- if a woman from the past has already appeared in full growth and there are children left in that marriage, it will not be possible to dismiss it. But let's immediately prioritize: in the first place - the interests of children. Be smart and do not be jealous of small and not very people who are so important to your beloved man.

Second rule- do not get into a relationship with his ex-wife, for you it does not exist. No need to confront her, no need to think about what to say to her husband's ex-wife, write and call, appeal to conscience. And in exactly the same way, you don’t need to be friends, she is a sign. By all means, do not allow a situation where the "club of wives" turns out to be in a duet, and the man is isolated: "Deal with it yourself, girls." If there are sharp moments in that story, let the former spouses eliminate them themselves.

Third Commandment- control the reaction. Yes, you are hurt and offended when “this unbearable” calls again, but to start a scandal means to give up positions and appear in an unsightly form. For the first time, gently tell your partner: “Yes, of course, help, because you are the father.” In the second - already shrug your shoulders, they say, is there an urgent need to fly to the rescue. In the case of malicious relapses, you can’t do without confidential conversations, where you sincerely and calmly (!) Tell your soulmate that you saw your union a little differently. Talk only about your experiences, do not put forward conditions on what the previous wife should do / not do.

Next step- to designate the boundaries beyond which the ex-wife is not allowed to enter, and this should be done by a man. This will help break the emotional connection, which, apparently, is still lingering. If he persistently and without emotion explains the new rules to the other side, she will only have to comply: if not immediately, but she will get used to it.

Conditions of parity with the husband's ex-wife

Hold on and repeat like a mantra: each problem occupies exactly as much space as it is given attention. Although it is very difficult to save face, the only way to win this war is not to participate. Separately, you need to touch on the situation when the spouse clearly initiates competition between you and his ex. It won't end while you're in the game and ready to fight for it - draw your own conclusions. According to psychologists, the only person whose well-being is worth worrying about is you.

They do not allow to see the child: such a result often becomes the end of the divorce process - after all, most mothers leave the kids to themselves when dissolving a marriage. However, by taking a number of appropriate measures, you can achieve the restoration of your rights. After all, according to the law, both parents have the same rights in relation to the child and can claim to communicate with him.

Is it possible to limit communication with a child

The Basic Law of the country - the Constitution of the Russian Federation, directly indicates the equality of both parents. The Family Code (Article 55 of the RF IC) is also unambiguous: its provisions directly indicate the need for a child to interact with both parents.

Even if the father lives separately, this does not deprive him of the right to visit the child, communicate with him, take part in his upbringing and education.

But there are times when the law limits the time for a parent to contact a child after a divorce or prohibits meetings with him:

with the threat of harm to the psyche of the child;
at the risk of harm to physical development;
at the threat of harm to his moral development.

But it is worth noting - if the mother does not allow to communicate with the child, she is obliged to provide documentary evidence indicating the danger for the child of such meetings. In practice, fathers are often forced to defend their right to communicate with children and their upbringing with the help of the court.

It is also quite common that mothers try by all means to protect the child from the presence of the father: they forbid educators, nannies, teachers, health workers and other employees of institutions temporarily guarding the child from transmitting information about him to the father. Not allowing to see the baby, the mother, thus, grossly violates the rights of the second parent to participate in the upbringing of the child (Article 63 of the RF IC). In this situation, the law is on the side of the fathers, and they have every right to receive information about the child from employees of institutions of any type. After all, even if the parents decided to divorce at one time, why should the child end up suffering from a lack of attention?

The only reason forbidding visits is the likelihood of causing physical or mental harm to the child, the threat to his life. Otherwise, the refusal to provide information can easily be challenged in court. To do this, it is enough to correctly draw up a statement of claim in court. Sometimes even the threat of going to court is enough for a parent to get information about a child.

What is the child's father entitled to?

Despite the clear desire of mothers to limit or completely prohibit the communication of the second parent with the child, the laws of the Russian Federation, as a rule, are on the side of the fathers. In addition to the right to raise and care for the health of the child, the father also has a number of additional rights:

Meet the child. The right is guaranteed by Article 66 of the RF IC, and the former spouse cannot prevent this. Often it is not possible to draw up a schedule of meetings on a voluntary basis, and then they are appointed by the court.
Right to change surname. If a child is given the mother's surname, it can be changed to the father's surname at his request.
The right to information about the child. The second parent has the right to know about the health of the baby, his place of residence, place of study, treatment, rest, etc. The mother has no right to hide this information from the father.
The right to rest with a child abroad. With the consent of the mother, the father can take the child out of the Russian Federation. It is impossible to simply say “to the mother of the child and that's it” - disputes between parents are resolved through court hearings, in accordance with Article 20 of the Federal Law.

How can a father defend his rights

When the father is not allowed to see his own child and mutual agreement with the ex-wife cannot be reached, one can only hope for a judicial resolution of disputes. Let us consider in more detail what to do if the ex-wife does not allow to see the child:

Get advice from a lawyer. If you have self-confidence and knowledge of the topic, then you can neglect this item. However, a specialist will help to correctly draw up a statement of claim, avoiding many "pitfalls".
Submit a claim. It must indicate that you practically do not see the child due to the prohibition of your wife. It is at this stage that the protection of both your rights and the rights of your child begins.
At the trial, the issue raised is considered in detail with the involvement of witnesses and the evidence base. The participation of a lawyer in the process will significantly increase your chances of a positive outcome of the case.

It is worth noting that even after a court decision is in your favor, the ex-wife may not allow you to see the child. In this case, enforcement proceedings are initiated, and your right to meetings will be ensured by the FSSP employees.

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