Life with mother-in-law (personal experience). Psychologist's advice: how to get along with the mother-in-law

A daughter-in-law often has to wonder how to live with her mother-in-law in the same house, without quarreling.

Help with this advice from psychologists.

Life under one roof - psychology

You moved into your mother-in-law's house - and here there will almost certainly be problems especially the first time.

1. Mother-in-law is on her territory. She feels like the mistress of the house. There are her rules.
2. The mother-in-law got used to a certain rhythm of life, and the young couple disturbs the prevailing atmosphere.
3. Two mistresses Difficulty living in the same kitchen. Most likely, the mother-in-law will be critical of the daughter-in-law. Perhaps she thinks she wants to do good by giving advice, not always realizing that this can annoy her son's wife.
4. Most of the husband's mothers unhappy bride. This is due primarily to jealousy, the fact that the son no longer belongs completely to her.
5. The ability and desire of both parties is important compromise.

It often happens that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to interfere with their man, hoping for his support.

He is forced to be between two fires, loving both women, and it is difficult for him to take one side without offending the other.

How to get along in one apartment?

A few simple rules help make life easier:

To take a break from the constant presence of your mother-in-law, spend time with your husband together - rest, restaurants, walks in nature.

How to find a common language?

Your mother-in-law has a lot of knowledge, and you may well learn from her this experience. Ask her to teach you how to cook some delicious dish. She will be pleased that you ask her advice.

If you have just moved into an apartment, do not immediately begin to actively defend your rights, let your mother-in-law get used to the fact that you now live in their house.

However, it is important to make it clear that you are now complete family member, you and your husband have a personal space, in which it is not always correct to interfere.

Joint business unites. Offer your help in cleaning, rolling vegetables, in the country.

If you live together, then you will have to help your mother-in-law with the housework, since now you are a full-fledged member of the family and live together.

The mother-in-law is a mother who loves her son, and like any mother, she experiences, because now another woman has captured his attention.

She will have to put up with with the presence of a daughter-in-law, but this does not always happen. Some mothers do not want to compromise, accept their son's wife, and no action, no attempt to establish contact helps.

How to tolerate my husband's mother?

Annoying mother-in-law, we live together: what to do? Your job is first and foremost learn to deal with your own emotions. The other person is not responsible for your state and mood, just as you are not responsible for his feelings.

Try to disengage if your mother-in-law constantly pesters you. In the end, you are not obliged to respond to her accusations, screams, complaints. You can pretend to listen, but it is not necessary to perceive and memorize information at all.

It is likely that without meeting an answer and resistance, the woman herself will soften after a while and wants to make contact.

An excellent reception is to try to find in the mother-in-law. There is something positive in every person. Perhaps your mother-in-law is an excellent teacher or a good cook, or maybe she is a creative person.

Find positive qualities in her and then it will be easier to communicate. Ask her about the years of her youth, how she met her husband, let her tell about her son's childhood.

Good memories soften people. If you tune in to the same wavelength with your mother-in-law, it will be easier for you to find a common language.

Another way- build relationships as if you are employees working in the same territory. In this case, you do not need to show vivid emotions - joy or anger, you simply organize communication on a business basis.

You meet in the morning, have breakfast, solve joint issues, maintaining a business style of communication. Over time, relations can become more friendly, when the mother-in-law understands what her daughter-in-law is like, how successful she is in family life.

Learn to stand up for yourself. Once feeling weak, the mother-in-law will take advantage of this, and each time her pressure will increase. At the same time, she will begin to criticize you already openly, discredit you in front of her son, pointing out any of your shortcomings.

That is why it is important to build relationships with relatives from the first day of living together.

However, the ability to stand up for oneself does not mean scandals, high-pitched conversations.

On the contrary, your speech should be as calm and convincing as possible. Let your mother-in-law know exactly what you don't like and why. Be sure to include a reason and not just: I don't want to.

How to diversify family life? you will find on our website.

I can’t live with my mother-in-law: what should I do?

It also happens that conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law happen daily. It is no longer possible to live together - the husband, children, wife suffer. The mother-in-law in every possible way survives the daughter-in-law from the house, gets into relationships, trying to destroy them.

Trying to remain calm, to be patient, does not lead to anything. In this case, the most acceptable option is to move to another apartment.

The health of your family should be in the forefront, so if the situation is out of control, then it is better to find a separate accommodation. You can rent an apartment or take out a mortgage.

If you have been as calm and reasonable as possible all the time, then a tactical step would be to speak in raised tones.

One day, your emotions will heat up so much that you need to throw them out.

speak openly, what does not suit you, show your anger that has accumulated inside.

Tactics are not suitable for everyone - it is important to take into account the nature of the person and his possible reaction.

After such violent manifestations mother-in-law can finally reach that there are moments that you do not like.

A short and sharp conflict should be single and not develop into a habit.

How to convince a spouse to settle separately?

The husband does not want to move out from his mother - this is a big problem.

A woman wants to live with us: what to do?

The mother-in-law has decided to live with you, and of course you don't want that.

Such a desire most often arises in single women or those who want to completely control their son even after he has married.

What to do in this case:

• let the son directly explain to the mother that this is impossible;
• explain to her that you have your own rhythm, your own life, and you have the right to independence;
• a young family should live separately from their parents - this is one of the factors of family happiness;
• talk to your husband and say that you don’t mind if your mother comes to visit, but you don’t want her to live with you for specific reasons - these reasons must be voiced;
• if the decision is made, and the husband’s mother moves in with you, try to calm down and think over the tactics of communicating with her - do not give her the opportunity to take power in your house into her own hands, immediately set boundaries.

How to survive it from our house?

If the mother-in-law appeared in your house and stayed there to live, set boundaries immediately.

Do not let her command you, change the arrangement of things in your house.

It is not necessary to roll up scandals, it is enough to calmly talk about what is here your territory and mistress you.

There are more stringent measures, for example, turn on loud music, go to bed late, invite guests often, that is, do everything so that the mother-in-law feels maximum discomfort.

The main thing is to do it in such a way as not to offend anyone, but at the same time make it clear to the person that he is superfluous in your house and does not fit into your lifestyle.

One of the correct ways is talk directly. You need to decide on a conversation, and it’s better if your husband supports you. Explain to the mother-in-law that you appreciate and respect her, but the young family wants to live separately.

In communication with the mother-in-law, the main thing is - be patient, remain calm and not react to provocations on her part.

How to get along with mother-in-law? Psychology and rules of behavior of the daughter-in-law:

Notice they don't say "intolerable daughter-in-law." Because it is in the hands of the daughter-in-law that the well-being of the family hearth lies. It depends on the daughter-in-law how her relationship with her mother-in-law will develop. In all this, the main thing is not to start a conflict from the first day of acquaintance. To avoid this, we have written this article especially for you. So, how to fix a broken relationship with your mother-in-law

2 main rules for the daughter-in-law:

1. First What a daughter-in-law needs to understand in her relationship with a "difficult mother-in-law" is that the mother-in-law is not fighting with her, but for the place that the daughter-in-law now occupies in her son's heart. Previously, his mother was the main woman in his heart, now his wife. No need to try to replace your husband's mother, take your place in his life, the place of your wife.

2. Second, do not forget, constant complaints to your husband about your mother-in-law, her words and behavior negatively affect your relationship with him, but not his relationship with his mother. If you manage to build a relationship with your mother-in-law, you will see how your husband will breathe a sigh of relief (he may even tell you about it). After all, he is also a man, and it was also hard for him all this time that you were fighting.

The main misconception of daughters-in-law is that we all believe that now all the attention and love of her husband is devoted only to us, and mother is left in the past. The son grew up, and now he has a new woman in his life. ALWAYS put yourself in the shoes of your mother-in-law! After all, it was this woman who raised the man you fell in love with and married.

golden mother in law

1. If you live in different apartments. Of course, living in the same territory will affect your relationship with your mother-in-law in the most unfavorable way. This has been verified many times over by the experience of many families. Well, what to do, because sometimes a young family has nowhere else to go, except to the parental home.

With rare exceptions, living in the same apartment, you will live together. Because it's at least 2 housewives in the kitchen, different eating habits, their own cleaning schedules.

Agree, sometimes, after 6 days of work, you want to come home and hang out a little, put your feet up on the sofa, and watch a couple of episodes of your favorite series, and postpone the cleaning until Sunday morning. But the mother-in-law may not appreciate such behavior and consider you a slut, a lazy person, etc.

1. She still has children. You will undoubtedly be lucky if your husband is not the only child of his mother. It's even better if he has a sister. Then his mother will be more tolerant and restrained, since she is both mother-in-law and mother-in-law at the same time.
2. If your mother-in-law is a mega busy person. She has her own business or she is always passionate about her favorite activities. In this case, she simply will not have time to think about making comments to you. She is more likely to bore you with her stories about hobbies or work, but not because Olezhik has a dirty shirt or that you swaddle her grandson incorrectly.

If you have such a mother-in-law, then congratulations. You are very lucky! Further, the information in the article is not for you, but for those who do not have a mother-in-law, but a monster.

There may be difficulties if:

1. You and your husband live in the same apartment as your mother-in-law.
2. Your husband is the only child in the family.
3. Your husband is a late and long-awaited child.
4. Mom raised and raised him alone, working 3 jobs.
5. The mother-in-law is retired and has no hobbies or hobbies.

From the first acquaintance, find out from the mother-in-law how she wants you to call her: by her first name, patronymic (most priority), “mother”, or just Lena, as well as “you” or “you”. For some moms, this can be a matter of principle.

How to live with mother in law

1. Politeness kills on the spot. Do not fall for provocations, always be polite and tactful.

2. Find common interests. Yes, sometimes it can be difficult to do this because of the difference in age, life principles, etc. But it's worth a try! Maybe your mother-in-law does not accept being treated like a person from the last century. Maybe she wants to be on par with the youth: she likes to shop, watch modern sitcoms, go to trainings or do yoga, etc. Invite her to the theater, go shopping or go to the spa together. After all, she is also a woman and nothing feminine is alien to her.

3. Never complain about your mother-in-law to your husband! It's hard for him to take sides. Even if she was a bad mother and their relationship with her son was not always perfect, he will still love her, just like your child loves you. He will try to stay neutral, but he will eventually break down, and this will reflect on your relationship with him, and not on his relationship with his mother.

Even if the husband himself does not speak flatteringly about his mother, most often he does not allow other people to do this, even his beloved wife.

It is even more dangerous to put a husband before a choice: either I, or your mother. One woman raised him for 30 years, invested her soul, and he loves the other with all his heart. A man can have many wives, but only one mother. This is only your war with her, and the main weapon in it is your cunning!

In the family of my friend, maman did not calm down in any way that SOMEONE took her son away. She went to any lengths: she imitated migraines, fainting, seizures, in general, she did everything so that only her son would jump home. And what?! In the end, this solid, successful uncle in his profession returned to his mother under the wing, and the relationship broke down.

Even if you rarely communicate with your mother-in-law, still call her, take an interest in her affairs. Briefly tell your news, ask her more.

Remember the main rule: everyone loves talking about themselves!

Invite her to dinner or for a walk, of course she is unlikely to agree, but you can safely say to your husband that you are calling his mother, you are interested in her affairs, you invite her to visit. And the next time she complains to her son about how ungrateful and generally a bitch you are, her husband will understand that this is not so, because you were the first to make contact. 1:0 in your favor!

4. Mothers-in-law, who had their golden boy “torn off from their breasts”, endure it very hard when they cease to be needed by their already adult son. And then there was some girl who got him hooked. Therefore, the main disarming effect in this situation will be that you show her that she is not abandoned and is not indifferent to you. Call her yourself: for her birthday, before her arrival, or just for advice on what to buy her father-in-law for her anniversary. It doesn't cost you anything, but she enjoys it.

5. Don't form a coalition with the sister of the husband or the wife of the husband's brother, against the unbearable mother-in-law. Here the situation is unstable and can turn against you. Of course, you can, occasionally, discuss the stories of Elena Pavlovna, but do not build joint plans for ignoring or revenge.

6. Praise your mother-in-law and/or her son more often. It seems that you have nothing to thank her for, because you still have to look for such a vixen! Let your praise be even in small things, for example, “it’s probably thanks to Olezhik’s mother that she cooks pilaf so tasty” or “if it weren’t for Elena Pavlovna, I wouldn’t have guessed that I needed to take a spare suit for my son on the road.” Even though it will be hard for you to say all this. Grit your teeth, smile at her, praise her. In the end, this way you will feel better that you have not spoiled your mood again.

7. Compliment your mother-in-law more often. Even if here it seems to you that she did not deserve compliments for her boorish behavior. This will discourage her. The more often you practice this, the faster you will learn to compliment her with ease, and as a result you will get a good attitude towards you and approval of your relationship.

You can compliment her salad or the delicious tea she treated you to last time, or how beautiful her hairstyle looked at the wedding, how did she achieve such a hair color ?! In general, think! This is your weapon in the program to strengthen family relationships.

Even if the relationship has already deteriorated at the initial stage, it is never too late to pull yourself together, grit your teeth, forget your principles for 5 minutes, call and ask your mother-in-law “where did she buy that coffee”, even if you hate coffee.

8. Don't complain about your mother-in-law's husband. Thus, you convey to her the information "you raised a worthless man."

9. Do not involve children in conflict. Children are children. It's not their fault that you are fighting with their grandmother. And even more so, they do not understand why they should communicate less with her. Even if the relationship is unbearable, do not forbid children to communicate with their grandmother. In addition, the mother-in-law will be pleased if the grandson comes to her and says that he drew this drawing for her, and his mother helped him (of course, if there is no devil on wheels).

10. But you don’t need to be too frank with your mother-in-law. If the relationship deteriorates, all knowledge about you will turn against you and will be used by the mother-in-law on the battlefield.

11. Be wise, tolerant, cunning and learn to compromise. Help the mother-in-law in something, for example, take her from the hospital or help with seedlings in the country. Good deeds cheer you up, besides, perhaps someday you will need her help. But you don't have to sacrifice your interests either. Learn to tactfully and politely refuse if you really feel uncomfortable helping her at the moment.

12. Avoid getting personal and conflict situations in general. Grit your teeth, agree, agree that you are a worthless woman, this will discourage the mother-in-law. She simply will not continue the argument, as she will be disarmed.

13. In no case do not interfere with your husband's communication with his mother. Do not dictate to him when and how much he should communicate with her. Remember: Mom is Mom. Parents are not chosen.

By accepting a husband, you accept his entire family: mom, dad, grandmother, brothers, etc.

Golden rules to help you build a relationship with your mother-in-law.

What if I do not want to communicate with my mother-in-law. More on that in the next video!

All my life I wanted to live in a big city, I planned to build a successful career, in my dreams I never was a housewife and an exemplary mother, I wanted my husband to take care of the family. I entered St. Petersburg and met my husband, after university he persuaded me to move to his parents in a small town in the Leningrad region (they have a muesvoi business and need helpers). For the first month everything went well, then I realized that I could not live with them, they are very good people, they accepted me, they gave me a job, but I feel constant pressure from his mother. As a result, my husband refused to return to St. Petersburg, and we have been living there for 2.5 years. I have constant depression, I don’t like this city, I don’t have anyone there, I communicate well with my parents, but I feel constant discomfort that I’m doing everything wrong, that they condemn me. I want freedom, personal space, my family, but my husband does not want to move, and therefore we work and live with our parents. I love my husband very much and I can’t leave him, but I can’t live like this anymore. I don’t know how to persuade him to move, but I don’t have the strength to put up with such a situation anymore

The mother-in-law is very demanding, likes to control everything. At work, he does not delegate responsibilities, but at the same time he requires a lot. She relates to my hobbies (for example, training in the gym and learning French), she thinks that I should work, and not do "bullshit", although we work a lot, I don’t remember when the holidays were. The worst thing is that I'm afraid of her, I can't answer her when she swears, I feel that I completely depend on her.

Marinazub

Marinazub, hello. Can you tell us a little about yourself: how old are you, who are you and your husband by profession? Is the job you are currently doing related to your education? Are you planning children? Now you live in the same apartment with your husband's parents, as I understand it? How many rooms are in the apartment? How are household responsibilities divided?

Do you and your husband have a separate room? Do you have free time for two? How do you spend your leisure time? Are there mutual friends?

Tell us about the character of your mother-in-law and father-in-law, as well as about yours and your husband? Who is more like a husband: his dad or mom? And you? Are relationships in your parents' family different from those in your husband's family?

Hello Ekaterina!
I am 24, my husband is 25. We are both economists, now we are working with casters. They have their own children's store, we are not allowed to the economic and accounting side of the business under the pretext that we can not cope. For the most part, we clean the store after closing, sometimes we buy goods and bring them into the store database (exclusively with parents). Very often we hear that we do nothing, waste time, do little work, but when we try to figure out the documents on our own and help, we also get a reprimand: "why are you climbing, it's all wrong, it's already been done." I wrote in the second message, but for some reason it did not go, that I am very afraid of my mother-in-law and cannot object to her, like my husband. We feel completely dependent on her, but for him this is the norm, he considers such relationships in the family to be normal.
I want children for a very long time, we started planning a year ago, but after a year of unsuccessful attempts, it turned out that I had a cyst, and for half a year now I have been undergoing treatment, after 3 months of surgery, and as the doctors say, it will be possible to get pregnant right away. During this time, I realized that I really want children from my husband, but I absolutely do not want to raise them with my mother-in-law. She is already planning how and what will happen, for example, diapers cannot be used, we will wash diapers, she already has a lot of children's clothes and toys set aside, she has equipped the nursery without our knowledge (without furniture, just repairs), it turns out I just have to give birth and move away from the cases, because everything has already been decided.

The first six months we lived together in a 2-room apartment. Then they had a fight and rented an apartment with her husband. Since last spring, my parents have moved to a private house in the city. This house was built a long time ago and was supposed to be roughly speaking a "family residence", it is very large, and of course it is not discussed whether we want to live there. Even before I met them, it was planned out where the nursery was, where our bedroom was. After they moved in, we moved into their old apartment, but not for long. Now this is the situation: all our things are in the house, but there are no doors in the rooms yet, so we often spend the night in an apartment. And every time we need to come up with reasons why we decided to stay there. Responsibilities have always been distributed as follows: the mother-in-law cooks and decides everything, we only help. I don’t go into the kitchen because we don’t have the same ideas about normal food (I don’t really like meat, I prefer vegetables and light food).

We have free time in the evenings, after 20.00. If we are in an apartment, then we watch movies, have dinner together, have sex. We often spend evenings separately, I really like pastries, so I am most often in the kitchen, and my husband loves to play computer games. I don’t care, I think that everyone should have an activity that relaxes and brings pleasure. If we stay in the house, then we remain alone when everyone goes to bed. Because the concept of "personal space" does not seem to exist. Mutual friends live in other cities and we communicate very rarely, we have individual friends, but they also do not live in our city. In our free time, we do not go out anywhere, because there is nowhere and no one with whom.

Relations in families are very different, despite the obvious matriarchy in both families. My family has very warm relations, I always know that my parents will support me, that I can contact them at any time and tell them about any problems. From childhood, I was given complete freedom, no one limited me in anything, I always feel that my parents are proud of me, that they believe that I can achieve a lot, and this faith is also in me, I never had any doubts about own abilities. The husband, on the contrary, has almost no children to communicate with his parents, he is still afraid to ask questions and seek advice, because at any moment he can be reprimanded. And I understand him perfectly, I need a lot of time to tune in and talk about some problem with his mother. She is not a bad person and not a monster, as it may seem. She is a very caring mother, she will always come to the aid of a friend, she is very sociable. But she loves to control everything very much, everything should be as she decided, she does not know how to delegate duties, she likes to vent a bad mood on loved ones, she is very prudent.

The father-in-law is a very calm person, he never interferes in our affairs, he is constantly busy with something. The husband is very similar to him, he also does not show initiative, but if he comes up with an occupation, he will do it with joy and conscience. I am more like my mother, I am independent, I don’t need someone’s help in household chores, I am very anxious and suspicious, I get lost in new companies, I am closed. But there are traits from my dad: I’m not a homebody at all, I love companies (friends, I’m hard to get along with strangers), I really like changes, it’s hard for me to stay in one place, I really like to radically change my life (probably because of this I agreed to move in with my husband, and therefore I can no longer stay there). I very often recognize myself in my mother-in-law, I also like to control everything, it’s easier for me to do it myself than to ask someone, I often take it out on my husband. My husband is the opposite, he is indecisive, likes to stay at home, he likes to be alone, he doesn’t like change at all, he is always the soul of the company, but at the same time he is very closed, he will never tell anything superfluous, even it’s hard for me to pull something out of him, serious we don’t talk, he closes in himself and is silent.

Marinazub

Marinazub, hello again. Marina, how long do you think you can stay in such an environment that you describe? In your story, you look like an active person striving for development and changes in your life. You came to study in the capital city, mastered the profession, had quite serious plans, I'm sure, for your own professional development. Now, as far as I can tell, your abilities are not in much demand: you are engaged in rather routine work, you do not have the opportunity to study business management, in fact, you are an executor in a small family business, and even such an executor who is not trusted and does not offer anything in terms of growth. You write that your husband is OK, but you are not. You also write that the husband is used to obeying his domineering and protective mother. And in yourself you see the features of your own mother and - in part - mother-in-law. It can be assumed that your husband chose you as a partner for a reason, but also because he felt that you, too, could take the role of leader in your couple. But at the moment, you are probably not completely sure that you can surpass the influence of his mother on him with your influence. And I share your doubts: judging by the young age of your husband, he may still be in the grip of his mother's influence for a long time, and in order to be a good son, he may be ready to remain obedient and not argue with his mother. I see that this can be a very serious test for you. In my opinion, the following scenarios are most likely

1) You will increasingly try to defend your own boundaries in relations with your mother-in-law, while at the same time trying to increase your influence on your husband in order to separate with him from his parents. This can take the form of concrete steps: not moving into the house your father-in-law built, finding a job elsewhere, spending more time on your own, making new acquaintances or activities that are more age-appropriate for you and your husband (dance, sports, study, work, fun). and relaxing with friends). As you try to fill your life with other things, if the husband shares your intentions and also reaches out for you, this may cause displeasure on the part of the mother-in-law, relations may aggravate. If you behave independently, it is possible that your husband's mother will start more active military operations against you. Probably, until she makes sure that her son has chosen the "right" wife for himself, she is unlikely to loosen her control. But what are her internal criteria for this - it's hard for me to judge, she may not know herself, and this can only be understood by observing her and communicating with her. Therefore, the tension in relations with her will increase in such a scenario, and this will inevitably affect your relationship with your husband: he will suffer that two women close to him cannot agree, and, most likely, will blame you for this. It is difficult to predict how strong his own need for freedom can be so that he continues to support you and, as a result, goes into conflict with his mother. So far, it seems that there are not very many chances, and your nerves may not be able to stand it. In this case, it is possible that serious contradictions will arise between you, and the marriage may be in jeopardy.

2) You will be more careful, and your attempts at independence will not be so obvious and not in such quantity, you will take a position of loyalty towards your husband’s mother, you will share all her ideas, become her supporter, make friends with her, get to know her more as a person . She will be able to trust you more than now and, perhaps, at some point she will consider that you fully share the values ​​​​of her family, and maybe even begin to consult with you and share her worries with you. And then, oddly enough, the process of your autonomy can happen much easier and at a much lower cost. This is a longer path, it has pitfalls, you will have to try to restrain your emotions for some time, since communication with a powerful person is not an easy test, especially when you have the same serious leadership potential as your mother-in-law. This is a more strategically winning path, but in order to use such a strategy, you need to assess your strengths and your future winnings as carefully as possible. It is clear that with this approach, your husband will be much more calm - after all, you will not fight with his mother for influence over him, you will not create conflicts for him. If you become an ally of his mother, then in the future your authority for your husband may also be very strong, because you will be "approved" by the main woman in your husband's life. If love for your husband and the opportunity to become part of his family is a very important goal for you, then it may be worth trying to go this way. It won't be easy, I promise, but it might be worth it for you.

To understand the reason for the appearance of conflicts with the husband's mother, you need to mentally put yourself in her place. It immediately becomes clear that the appearance of a daughter-in-law in the house disrupts the usual course of things. The mother-in-law has been equipping her house and life for years, and now a person has appeared who is trying to make his own adjustments to the already established way of life. It is clear that it is necessary to do this, because she also has her own habits and preferences. This is the thought that needs to be conveyed to the mother-in-law.

The bulk of the conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law occur not because of hostility towards each other or a complex nature, but because of the violation of family rules by the daughter-in-law.

How to survive in the same house with your mother-in-law

With the mother-in-law, you must try to establish a psychological distance. You don't have to act unnatural to make yourself look better. She will notice it anyway and will not appreciate such efforts.

You should not start to put things in order in the mother-in-law's house on the very first day after the move. In this case, it is worth being patient and waiting for time.

Even before moving to the mother-in-law, it is important to discuss everyday issues. In such a conversation, do not be shy to ask questions and put forward your suggestions. It should be clear how the housekeeping will be distributed: who will be responsible for food and who will be responsible for laundry.

The financial issue is also of great importance. It is necessary to agree on who will buy food, household chemicals and other things for common use. By the way, in this case it would be much more reasonable to maintain separate budgets.

Morally, you need to be prepared for the fact that the mother-in-law will begin to teach how to run a household. She can do this delicately, throwing meek remarks with a smile, or, conversely, starting a long fiery speech in which a sharp emphasis will be placed on things that she did not like. But in this or that case, it is important to remain calm. Perhaps even the mother-in-law will try to specifically bring her daughter-in-law to emotions, then all the more it is worth keeping herself in control. It is more likely that after a while the husband's mother will calm down, noticing that the daughter-in-law does not react to her negativity.

And, of course, in order not to turn the mother-in-law against yourself, you need to remember and observe one, but extremely important rule: under no circumstances should you sort things out with your husband in the presence of your mother-in-law. It must be understood that she is a mother who will always be on the side of her child. And even if the mother-in-law does not interfere in the skirmishes between her and his wife, then at least she will feel extremely embarrassed.

Mother-in-law is feared and disliked by many women. But there is no need to demonize this image, because the mother-in-law is, first of all, a woman and a mother. And two adult and smart women will always find a common language.

If you want to make friends with your mother-in-law, do not wait for a miracle or a sign from above, but simply take the first step towards communication. Highlight for yourself what your mother-in-law can be respected and appreciated for, what she can teach you, based on rich life experience. As for shortcomings, try to close your eyes to them, because we are all imperfect.

1. Be friends from a distance. The most important rule of a wonderful and friendly relationship with the mother-in-law is a separate residence. Even if you have to rent an apartment, but nerves and normal human relations are more important than unnecessary expenses. If you and your husband had to move to his parents for a while (due to repairs or just to stay), do not dispute the supremacy of the mother-in-law in her house, try to adjust to the routine developed over the years.

2. Appreciate her memories. No need to avoid communication with the mother-in-law, believe me, she does not bite, even if sometimes she looks too harsh. If you are alone, ask how she is doing, what worries her at the moment. Take the initiative in your own hands, so you show that you are open to communication and good relations. Win-win: Viewing the family album. Ask to see photos of their family and baby photos of your husband. Believe me, a sincere and warm conversation is guaranteed for you!

3. Ask for advice. Every woman and mother wants to feel needed. Therefore, if you have a slightly tense relationship with your mother-in-law, then never refuse her help. You can also ask her for advice, be interested in her opinion on a particular issue. If your mother-in-law's advice or idea helped you, don't forget to thank her for it.

Important! If you reject the help of your mother-in-law or do not heed the advice, be sure to justify your decision to her. For example, if she advises feeding a newborn baby with semolina instead of a mixture, explain to her that modern pediatricians are against such a menu, show articles on this topic as well.

4. Don't talk too much. Remember that even if you have a very warm relationship with your mother-in-law, you should not tell her all the secrets and reveal family secrets. Especially if they concern your husband. First of all, he is her son and she will always protect him, even if, in your opinion, he was wrong.

5. Remember important dates. Your husband, like many men, may not remember the date of his parents' wedding, forget about Mother's Day. Therefore, write down all important dates in your diary or make reminders on your phone. The mother-in-law will be very pleased that you and your husband do not forget about important days for her.

Marriage for a woman is one of the important and life-affirming steps, but after the wedding, a completely different life begins, full of completely different ideas, joys, problems, one of which may be your mother-in-law. Although this is an optional rule of family life. If you live separately from your husband's parents, or if your mother-in-law is a kind and tolerant person who literally loves you, you can safely be called lucky.

If you belong to the category of “living with the mother-in-law” or “monster mother-in-law”, hold on, hold on and stock up on literature on how to make such a life joyful, and not full of daily misunderstandings and scandals.

mother-in-law type

Mother-in-law can be your best friend, after all, you must admit, she lived longer than yours and she has more experience than you. But here it's a matter of luck, there are sweet and kind women who are happy with their daughter-in-law and are ready to help, not harm. They love their sons, but they also want to babysit their grandchildren and therefore are not averse to letting their own child out of the family nest for the general well-being. There are rarely problems with them, such mothers are always ready to help and even change the rules in their house, just so that you are happy in marriage. They need only one approach - attention. Never deprive them of communication with you or your son. She will give you a field for action, but will require you to take her into battle. That is, let her understand her significance, importance, indispensability as a mother and as, in fact, a mother-in-law.

The second type of mother-in-law - self-sufficient woman, who raised her son almost alone, he is everything to her and therefore she will not tolerate seeing a woman next to him who does not appreciate him, loves him little or does not know what he is allergic to. Often the sons of such mothers love them very much, but not necessarily sissies, they just respect the work that has been done so that they can get an education, get on their feet, go out into the world. This means only one thing - do not wait for the support of your husband in case a scandal breaks out. Such a mother-in-law will arrange a test drive for you in the first week of marriage, and believe me, you better pass it perfectly. However, don't give up. Show her that you won’t take her son away from her, but don’t give up slack in terms of “managing” the house, you have rights no less than her, set boundaries in the first days so that you don’t find yourself in unfavorable conditions later.

New family rules

First of all, when entering your husband's family, remember that you will have to face a completely different world. And even if you already know each other and often communicate. After all, people at home and away are very different. But what to do? Strange things like joint or separate dinners, regular guests, complete silence during daytime sleep, or God knows what other rules that can drive the most peaceful person crazy will be present in the husband’s family, but this is not the end of the world if you know how to adapt to them correctly .

Nobody deprives you of your essence, principles, interests and everything else that you need for daily comfort. It's just that you may need to push your rules a little further by organizing them within your private room. In the rest of the apartment or house, the rules of the mother-in-law will still apply, because, do not forget, you are on her territory.

The general, now for you, rules will not disappear anywhere, you can’t just come and point out to the new family their “mistakes” in planning weekends or weekdays, but perhaps you can bring something new that they will also like. Feel free and don't be afraid to offer, and in any industry: laundry, cooking, walking, cleaning, and so on. Thus, you will not change the rules, but make them more acceptable to yourself.

Permissible limits

The new family, whatever it may be, should not influence and change your own habits and desires. If you like to eat in front of the TV, make nice snacks; if you do not like cutlets, cook something else, the mother-in-law will be obliged to understand and accept your world, just as you accept her. In other words, upon arrival in a new house, set specific boundaries for which your mother-in-law should not cross: knock on the door, do not cook from foods that you are allergic to, or at least warn about it so that you do not go without dinner.

Also it is important to separate personal space- your room with your husband is your territory, a small world, a house. The main thing is that the mother-in-law understands this and does not surprise you by sorting out your laundry early in the morning in your room, while you are still awake, because she needs to do the laundry. Specifically point out to her what you will not put up with, if necessary, make a list, but not in an aggressive way. Sit down together at the table and just talk about how you live together, what rules you need to follow and what you would like your mother-in-law to follow, right down to cooking borscht, if you have a favorite family recipe that you don’t want to change or forget under the influence of your mother-in-law's advice.

Time for distraction and reflection

Just because you're married doesn't give you the right to enjoy life doing nothing but housework. Even if this is the hardest work, thankless, endless, tedious, but in this way you will definitely quickly go crazy with your mother-in-law, who will try to attach you to some kind of work so that your hands will be busy with work.

A job or hobby will help not only to avoid unnecessary and unnecessary communication, but also relieve stress, avoid most quarrels, improve yourself and earn the respect of others, including mothers-in-law. Do not give up interests and work or leisure, because the mother-in-law can take over the reins at this time. On the contrary, while you are working, she and your husband will notice your other side, your hard work, love of work and concern for family and home.

Nobody is perfect

And yet, sooner or later, there will come a time for a quarrel. This is inevitable, because even for the most calm people there are limits that are not recommended for anyone to cross. But that's fine, and it's okay. You also quarreled with your mother, sister, brother, father, there were screams, misunderstanding, but as a result you came to a common solution to the problem, put up and only became friendlier. This is what you should rely on. Your new family is no worse and no better than your blood family, and you must accept all quarrels as commonplace. Now it’s bad, but tomorrow there will be a solution, it will become better, clearer, simpler. Treat the situation with optimism, remember that it was this woman who gave birth and raised the one you love so much. And therefore all her oddities are normal, you are not perfect either.