Who is the main man or woman in the family. Who is the head of the family: husband or wife. Male and female names in letters - Ш
Elena Markina
Consultation "Who is the head of the family"
My grandson once asked the question "Who head of the family"and wanted to get an answer that of course he is. So how is it right to explain to the child who is in family chief? And then I started talking about family, gradually, leading the child to his own conclusion that each member families takes its place and all its members main.
I want to give advice so that the child does not have a question who main, take as a rule that - that, family It's a team A good team not only celebrates everyone's successes, but also shares all the failures equally. If a husband gets a promotion at work, he should be praised, told him what a fine fellow he is, that he has achieved this. The child learned to read - he is also a smart one, because he tried a lot, and he succeeded. And even if the wife, the spouse, and the child have made a lot of efforts to achieve these successes, they still get the opportunity to be proud of themselves. This will help raise self-esteem, believe in your strength and significance. If any of the members families fail, no need to scold and blame him, he is probably upset anyway. It is better to invite them to think together about the problem and its possible solutions. In your statements, you should use words such as "We" And "our", instead of "is yours" And "my". After all family is the unit of society which unites spouses and their children. Leader families Every team has a captain and family is no exception. But only one person can become a leader. If there are two of them, then the competition will begin, and even the solution of small everyday problems will end in a scandal every time. Therefore, it is necessary to clearly decide who head of the family. Husband and wife should consult with each other, discuss who will take on the role of leader. It is worth discussing its functions in advance. At the same time, the leader does not decide everything for everyone, but only makes a decision based on the suggestions and wishes of other members. families. The head of the family is a man? Before, no one thought who would be head of the family. From time immemorial, it has been a man. It was his direct responsibility to provide families with everything you need. The woman kept the family hearth, took care of the house and the upbringing of children. She received everything she needed to fulfill her tasks from the breadwinner, that is, from the man. Head of family was responsible for everything and made the most important decisions. Today, this alignment suits many spouses, and they continue to adhere to it. There are no problems in this regard, and it does not interfere with being strong family. The woman may be head? Today, if a man proposes, this does not mean that he will unconditionally be the only economic support in family. A woman can also perform this function. Often in modern families only children are dependents, and spouses provide for them. If a woman also earns, especially on an equal basis with a man, then it becomes unclear who head of the family. Here, not everything is as simple as with the old way. According to sociological research, dominance in the family belongs to the spouse who performs regulatory and administrative functions. Most of the time this is done by the woman. She plans the family budget, organizes family consumption, takes care of upbringing and household chores. It turns out that today a woman becomes main in many ways, not just economically. Who will head of the family? It should be noted that the concepts "breadwinner" And « head of the family» outdated. Moreover, they are absent from the Civil Code and Constitution. Today, more and more people characterize the marital union as a family without a head. That is, a man and a woman are equally involved in decision-making and household chores. Such relationships in family prove, What chapter no need to assign. Family Responsibilities Everyone family have their own responsibilities. If they are distributed unevenly, the spouses often have disagreements and conflicts. Such contradictions can be very sharp and lead to serious consequences - to dissatisfaction with marriage. However, you need to understand that the husband and wife will still not be happy if all duties are simply divided equally. It is important that they correspond to the inclinations and character of a person, then the eternal disputes about household chores will stop. Separation should suit everyone and look fair in the eyes of the spouses. Any duty must be performed out of love and care for each other, and not because someone needs it and it is so established by the rules. families. Examples for visibility:
1. Everyone washes the dishes for himself, because it takes a lot of time for mom, and she wants to spend it with loved ones.
2. The husband stops by the grocery store because he is on his way, and in the meantime, the wife will already start preparing dinner. Main so that everyone understands why they do it. No one owes anything to anyone It is wrong to reduce family obligations to the word "must". For example, “I work all day, and you just sit on your neck”, "I'm like a squirrel in a wheel spinning around the house", “You are a husband, and I expect romantic evenings about you”. You can endlessly enumerate, similar phrases are heard in many families. You need to understand that no one owes anything to anyone. This idea should be included in the rules. families. If you are tired, ask your loved ones for help. If love and care reign in the house, it will not be difficult for anyone to wash the dishes or throw out the trash instead of someone else. If you want romance, you don’t need to wait and demand it from your husband, it’s enough to organize a pleasant evening yourself. Maintain the authority of a husband or wife family has a child, spouses need to adhere to one strategy in education. Children feel and see the disagreements of their parents well, so they will begin to cheat, dodge and look for concessions. If you need to solve some issue of education, then you should do it behind closed doors. That is, the growing children should not hear anything. Then the children in family They will respect both mom and dad equally. The same goes for discussing your other half outside the home. You can not talk with other people about the shortcomings of the spouse, especially after a quarrel. You will definitely make peace, and outsiders will have a negative opinion. In this case, the authority of the spouse will be undermined. When a child is also not allowed to say nasty things about his mom or dad. Otherwise, he will assume that "bad" You don't have to obey your parent at all. Remember that your spouse is the best person in the world, so his authority must be maintained. Make any decisions together. If you disagree with something, then discuss it only in private with each other. All problems are discussed No need to wait for the spouse when he guesses about the problem. Maybe he doesn't even know about it. If you are tired or upset about something, be direct about it. The boss shouted - tell us about it yourself, and do not wait for questions. The carpet is dirty, and you no longer have the strength - ask your husband to vacuum, he himself may not guess. Communication is the only way to build relationships. family. Therefore, make it a rule to discuss all existing problems. Only this should be done without scandals, screams and reproaches, in a calm tone. It is categorically impossible to keep silent about something and withdraw into oneself, trying to get away from the conflict. Such behavior will only breed mutual misunderstanding and bring problems to the extreme. No need to be silent, accumulate negativity and irritation. Talk about your thoughts and feelings openly. The more sincerely this is done, the easier it is to understand the causes of discontent. Just do not sort things out in a state of irritation or with a tipsy spouse. It is better to wait for a more opportune moment to solve the problem. Compromise is also a way out Strong family is that who knows how to resolve conflicts, and not one that does not quarrel. Therefore, in disputes you do not need to stand your ground. The best option for marital union is to reflect in the spirit "won - won". That is, try to find a way out that will suit everyone, and not just one person. For example, you started a renovation. One husband liked the floral wallpaper, and the other liked the striped wallpaper. No need to quarrel over this, look for a third option. Or you can paste over one half of the room with striped wallpaper, and make the other half into a flower. Get the original design with zoning. Do not try to change the second half Discussing the rules of conduct in family, it is worth mentioning that attempts to change a husband or wife will not lead to anything good. Many people hope that things will be different after marriage, but in most cases this is not the case. For example, if a girl is uneconomic, then she may not like to cook and clean up. Or if a man abuses alcohol, it should be accepted that after marriage he will not give up this business. It is very difficult to change an adult person, and often it is simply impossible. Therefore, you need to learn to put up with the shortcomings of your spouse. If everything was fine before the wedding, then after it there should be no complaints. Set boundaries Family is the cell of society which consists of a husband, wife and their children. Nobody cares about her anymore. All other relatives (fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers and others) are only part of a large families. You should not let them too deep into your life or try to please them in everything. If your parents don’t like something in your other half, but everything suits you, then you should tell them about it and gently ask them not to interfere in the relationship. Also, you should not allow relatives to look into closets, rearrange things or read mail, unless, of course, you yourself ask for it. After the birth of a child, a newly-made grandmother very often practically settles in the house. She constantly climbs with advice on how to properly care for the baby. However, the rules families say that you need to set boundaries. For example, let the grandmother visit her grandchildren on certain days. She can be asked to make specific affairs: take a walk with the baby, stroke the diaper and so on. So the grandmother will be busy, and there will be less unnecessary advice. Respect and Patience for Parents It is necessary to set boundaries, but do not forget about respect for the people who raised you and your other half. It is unacceptable to discuss the shortcomings of the parents with the spouse. It is better to focus on their good qualities. Surely the second mother cooks delicious cabbage soup, and dad is very economic. You need to delimit the territory and talk with your spouse, if only the parents become too intrusive and begin to interfere with family life. Do not forget to communicate Perhaps many will agree that in family, the most important thing is respect and. Love. It mostly manifests itself in relationships and communication. Therefore, you do not need to bury yourself in routine matters and forget about each other. Try to find time at least for conversations. It's very simple - just turn off the TV or look away from the computer monitor. It would be great if there was an opportunity to get somewhere with spouse: go to the cinema or just take a walk in the park. From time to time arrange romantic evenings for each other. Code of moral rules in family in every family there should be a clear list of rules that will be known to each of its members. Moreover, they should apply not only to parents, but also to children, so that they grow up well-mannered and decent. If certain conditions are not met, then you can point to a miss. However, this must be done in a friendly and tactful manner. There should not be too many rules, otherwise the importance of the list will be lost. Also, there should be no contradictions in it, so that it is clear what needs to be done and what should not be done. For example, you can enter the following five rules families, which are subject to strict compliance: love and respect each other; help and support in every possible way; do not criticize others; speak only the truth; to fulfill promises. Of course, in every family there will be a list of rules. It doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. The list can and should be supplemented or changed depending on the circumstances.
When people start building relationships, sooner or later, the question arises: “Who is the head of the family?”. Some believe that the head of family relations should be a man. Others argue that this is an overabundance of the past and a woman can also lead the family nest. Whose opinion is actually true? Now let's try to figure it out.
Is the man the head of everything?
Since ancient times, there has been an opinion that a man should be the master. This happened because he was the breadwinner, and the woman worked at home with the housework. She had no right to argue with her husband and had to do everything he said.
In today's world, it's not like that. A woman is able to provide for herself and be realized in life. If a man was brought up in a family as a head in his future life, then he will try to pull over the basics of government in a relationship. From this moment conflicts with the opposite sex begin. A man in this case should talk with his other half and distribute responsibilities.
How to understand who is in charge in the family: husband or wife?
Now it is rare to find a family in which there will be a specific main person. There are several criteria by which you can determine the championship. Here are some of them:- the influence of the second half on decision-making (the influence can be hidden, open, the use of the necessary levers for decision-making);
- the last word is always with the head of the family (no matter what they say, the decision is made by the leader);
- distribution of funds for necessary needs.
What are the ways to determine who is the head of the family?
On the Internet, on various resources, you can find different methods and ways to understand who is in charge. Let's look at some of them now.
There are arguments that if a man's mother was the head of a man's family, then he grows up as a weak-willed person and needs care and guardianship. If a woman’s father was the head of a woman’s family, then she gets used to obey and can hardly decide something herself.
Toes
First, take off your shoes and pay attention to your toes. If the second finger is longer than the first, then we can safely talk about the primacy in the family.
Help dog
If you have a common dog that obeys one of the spouses, then you can safely talk about leadership. This is because dogs are intelligent creatures and can sense many things. She, with the help of the smell of a person, determines who is in charge and obeys him.
There are also families in which both partners are the main ones. Often in such relationships conflicts are brewing. This happens because no one wants to give way to each other. Unfortunately, such families either break up or find a compromise. But still one will suppress the other. Therefore, such a family can rarely be called happy. The most important thing is to learn to make concessions to each other. If this happens, then the relationship can be saved and be happy people.
This article revealed the moments that are so important in our lives. Building relationships is hard work. After all, obstacles can wait at every step. To easily overcome them, you need to be not only mentally strong, but also be a partner for your soulmate.
Elena Rakovskaya, family experience 11 years.
The point is that each member of the family is sure: if he is not the main one, then at least not the last one, his voice is listened to. And, of course, the husband must be sure that he is the master in the house, otherwise it will no longer be a man who has great rights, but, accordingly, even greater responsibilities, but a capricious irresponsible child. With all this fragile democracy, a woman is like an instructor driver who has his own steering wheel and his own brake pedal, as well as a stick and a carrot. So I'm still the main one in the family. Just don't tell your husband...
Ekaterina Grechishnikova, family experience 5 years.I have the main husband in my family. I was quite consciously looking for just such a man who would make decisions for me. I am not looking for responsibility. And I don't care what brand the refrigerator is in the kitchen. If the husband himself chooses what, for example, equipment to buy, he buys it himself, he decides where to put it and when to repair it, I only say “thank you” to him ...
Sergey Martynenko, family experience 6.5 years.
I think that the main wife in our family. She solves most of the household problems, gives me instructions ... But my wife says that I'm in charge. She really often pesters me with questions like: which doctor is better to take my daughter to, send her to this kindergarten or another ... Sometimes it seems to me that we don’t have the main thing at all. My wife and I delicately push the headship onto each other and are forced to rule in turn ...
Vladimir Kuznetsov, family experience 9 years.
I knew families where a woman was the leader. In 70 percent of cases, this ends in divorce. Because sooner or later a man gets tired of obeying - this is predetermined by nature, this is how it happened historically. In my family, I am definitely the leader. Among other things, this is due to the fact that I am 9 years older than my wife. Of course, controversial issues are discussed. But the final word is still mine.
Galina Sergeevna Ostapenko, Senior Lecturer, Department of Practical Psychology, VSPU.
There should be a clear division of responsibilities in the family, the wife should not be just a warm lump next to a strong husband, and at the same time, a man should not be henpecked. Many husbands from such families admitted that with a weak wife, the man himself becomes weaker. Therefore, family dictatorship, tied to the unconditional supremacy of one of the spouses, is a hopeless way of developing relationships.
As for the actual building of a strong family, I am a supporter of Virginia Satir, a well-known American family psychologist. She talks about the four C's. The first is self-esteem. Couples must maintain mutual respect and, most importantly, that children do not catch even the smallest negative intonations in a conversation about one of the parents. Then relations with relatives are important - with the older generation. After all, as you know, good children are a secure old age. Family traditions and social relations are also important - spouses need diversity, because the same days when a person leaves the house only for work oppress a person. You need to change the environment more often and communicate with new people.
If, nevertheless, the issue of headship is significant for you for some reason, solve it right now - once and for all. And don't waste precious hours arguing. Make time for love!
So, first go to the mirror.
your nose
with a thin bridge; with a thick bridge; not transferred at all.
Physiognomists call a nose with a very thin bridge of nose "widow's" and argue that the owner of such a nose is, as a rule, a domineering, quarrelsome person, and therefore, risking eventually being left alone.
Now unwind b (if necessary, remove your socks) and carefully examine your toes. It is advisable to measure them with a ruler (tape measure, centimeter).
Your second toe (any one of them)
shorter than the first (large); longer than the first. Popular rumor, based on centuries of observation, says: a sure sign of dominance is in someone whose second toe is longer than the first. Physiologists, by the way, point out that the second finger is USUALLY longer than the first.
Tighten your memory and remember:
In your family was the main
dad; Mother; You.
Psychologists, followers of E. Berne, came to the conclusion that in families where the father dominates, the daughter learns the child role and gets used to obey. Decisions are made with difficulty and reluctantly. If the mother commanded, the son grows up weak-willed, with a constant need for guardianship and care.
Fortune telling on a pineapple, you found that the pieces you cut:
more than the partner; smaller and neater than the partner; eaten by the partner.
The pineapple divination method consists of two stages:
Preparatory.Two rooms are being prepared, general cleaning is being carried out (another reason to take a closer look, and whether your half is in command of you). Each room should have a table. The tablecloth is white on one table and black on the other. Cutting boards must be new. On a table with a white tablecloth there should be a knife with a white handle. On a table with a black tablecloth - respectively with a black one. Each cutting board has a peeled pineapple half. You and your half disperse to different rooms and begin the second stage.
Conjectural.
Shred the pineapple into small pieces. It is impossible to agree on the size in advance! Result: The one with the smaller and neater pieces will control and possibly even overwhelm their partner.
In this place, strain your memory very strongly and remember:
During the wedding revelry you
bit off the largest piece of the cake that was brought to you; they were the first to cross the threshold of the house / apartment; they were the first to step on something: on the carpet in the registry office, on the footboard in the church, on the plate at the threshold of your house For each positive answer, give yourself as many points as you want. Because each item in itself asserts your headship in the house.
If you have bitten off a piece larger than your half from the pie offered by your father-in-law and mother-in-law, you will not escape the fate of the head of the house. They were the first to cross the threshold, returning from the registry office or from the wedding - the same thing. Before you cross the threshold, you still need to step on the plate placed there. And it is desirable so that it crashed. The footstool performs the same function in the church as the carpet in the registry office - people who are getting married stand on it.
The material support of the family mainly depends on:
from you, the marriage partner, your parents, the parents of the partner, the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation
Virtually no comment. According to the widespread opinion, whoever earns more is the one who rules. Whose parents are more active in helping the young family budget, he is the commander. The saddest thing is if the family budget is made up of student scholarships and, accordingly, depends on the generosity of the state.
your common dog
begging only from you when you eat; executes commands only when you order; begging from everyone, not listening to anyone.
You can't fool a dog. She focuses on smell. The person who dominates the family releases some special pheromones. The dog (and not only the dog) is led to the one whose smell is stronger. Accordingly, he listens only to him and never begs from him.
If for at least one point you turn out to be the main one in the family, therefore, the way it is. If your half doesn’t have leadership in all signs, you don’t have to find out anything else. But if you both have the signs of "master in the house", then you have two ways:
continue to actively find out who is “more important” or decide what is “more important” than the family, and use all your talents to strengthen and prosper it.
Opinions from forum members:
Crazy: A smart (wise) man can be given the palm. Probably, it all depends on how good / comfortable / happy, etc., a woman feels from the decisions made by a man. If he does everything right, then let him command! In my case, if I'm not one hundred percent sure that I'm right, before insisting on my decision, it's better to discuss everything again and think carefully (I'm sure he's just lucky in such cases).
ED-209: There should be equality... And if you also give in to each other, it's generally beautiful. The owner of a person should be where he thinks. And everyone would do what others cannot ... Otherwise, it happens that someone will resist - and that's it ...
“Who is the boss in the house - me or cockroaches?” - this is how a man usually jokes, whom his wife is trying to drive under the heel.
And really: who should be the head of the family? In theory, the husband: well, it’s been accepted, like, from time immemorial. But lately, their wives have been trying to take over men and command over all household members. Well, let's talk about this.
The family is like a state
Let's imagine that the family is a small state, and its president has not yet been elected. It is clear that the “people” are children and pets. The wife and husband claim the head. We need an undeniable leader, because without elections, anarchy, collapse and confusion will begin.
It's dangerous to make a mistake! A bad president can mess up with reforms that will lead to a family crisis. The “people”, as in an ordinary state, are as always ignorant and naive: whoever beckons with a yummy, whoever takes a sip, is the president.
Sometimes "influential countries" interfere in family politics - mother-in-law with father-in-law, mother-in-law with father-in-law and other relatives. As practice shows, this intervention most often threatens with war. Therefore, it is better to stay away from their advice, or to remain neutral.
So who should be the head of the family in the end - the husband or the wife? In a young family, while “influential countries” dictate the rules, at first nothing is clear - everyone pulls the blanket over himself. But with the birth of children and obtaining separate housing, you must definitely decide.
How to Choose the Right President
In a small family, there cannot be many “ministers”, so a man or a woman takes on this role. Well, or they are distributed in half: according to talents and abilities, which is much more correct. But how to do it?
Who is responsible for the financial flow
Most often it is a man and occasionally a woman, but still, let's take the husband as a basis. Without the main breadwinner, the family will be in need.
What can happen if he is infringed on his rights in some way or even kicked out of the family:
From distrust, he will make stash and often lie. What else is left to do? He must feel like a man.
If there is control over his earnings, then he will look for a way to earn extra money, which he will also keep silent about.
If he is expelled from the family, then he can even hide from alimony - and look for his fistula then, getting out of poverty.
Particularly greedy women drive their husbands to three jobs, which can negatively affect the health of the husband. And the result can be deplorable, including hitting your pocket.
1 point in favor of the main earner.
Who is in charge of the economy
Not always the earner is free to dispose of the money he has earned. Most often it happens that the husband brings home a salary, and the wife rakes everything down to the penny. It’s good if she leaves her husband for pocket money.
But the point is not who has the money. It is important that they be in the hands of those who can competently manage the family budget. And this means:
- timely pays all current bills (loans, communal, garden, school);
- calculates the amount of food until the next salary;
- keeps track of those who have a real need for something in the family (for example, in clothes);
- if possible, postpones for a rainy day;
That is, the “Minister of Economy” cannot be a spender in any way: give the last money for knick-knacks and grab unnecessary loans. Such a spendthrift should be immediately and categorically dismissed.
Another 1 point to a competent economist.
Who is in charge of "foreign policy"
He is also a diplomat, he is also a peacemaker, he is also the main one in relations with people outside the family. Of course, there will be one of the spouses who does not like or is even afraid to “resolve” something, so he blames everything on the other.
And there's a lot to be done:
- resolve conflicts with relatives;
- solve problems with all documents;
- attend parent meetings;
- negotiate with officials
Nerves are dangling, so the character must be strong. Plus, a clearly defined voice and at least a basic knowledge of the laws. But at the same time, it is unsuitable for a “diplomat” to be noisy and bazaar, courtesy, intelligence and “inner core” are welcomed.
Another 1 point is awarded to the one who is responsible for solving problems in the family.
Who is in charge of culture
No, it's not just holidays and family vacation planning, it's much more serious. The upbringing of children and the inner peace in the family is what is important. A kind attitude towards each household member and smoothing out “sharp corners” in case of conflicts can only be entrusted to a wise person.
By the way, these are not always women. If a woman in the family is hysterical and stupid, then the man takes on this role. Unless, of course, living with a bitch, his nerves can withstand. But sometimes husbands do not leave the family precisely because they feel sorry for the children. They will not be given to him in court, and being brought up by a hysterical woman, they will not receive a proper upbringing.
But if not everything is so difficult, then there are other pleasant chores:
- joint vacation with family and decoration of holidays;
- reading books at night to children and competent answers to little "why";
- instilling family values and traditions.
Another 1 point to someone who can be responsible for the culture in the family.
Who is in charge of the household
This means external comfort: to make the house clean, warm, beautiful, and tasty on the table. Well, of course, this will be done by a woman. Unless, of course, she changed roles with a man: she is all at work, and he is on the farm and raises children himself.
Not all families, however, are impeccable cleanliness and pedants. Maybe it’s even good somewhere: people of creativity, as a rule, don’t pay much attention to external gloss, but that’s their business. If there is something to eat in the house, and cockroaches do not run around the house in droves, it’s already good. The main thing for them is peace in the family.
Another 1 point for someone who wears a rag in the house and cooks deliciously.
Counting points
And whoever tries to shout down the other that he is zero without a wand without him, then if the score is not in his favor, he is clearly disingenuous. The receipt of money, their distribution, solving problems inside and outside the house is only within the power of the head.
Sometimes you can watch strange families where a child is elected "president". More precisely, a small usurper king. Grandparents knock down to please the child, his own father lisps with him, and his mother tearfully begs to eat a spoonful of porridge. And this overgrown toddler spits in the face of this porridge to his "retinue".
The child grows up and dictates its conditions:
He fits into the family budget, managing it: what sweets are required instead of dinner and where to buy him a more fashionable jacket.
Beats in hysterics if something did not go according to his plan and demands an apology and complete obedience to him.
He decides for himself - who enters the house, where to move the furniture, where to spend the weekend and whether he can swear.
From the outside, it looks disgusting and few people want to communicate with such families. But even that is not scary! Such a child, when he grows up, will become aggressive towards the world around him and people. After all, no one will lisp with him, as was customary in his family!
But it happens even more absurdly when some animal is made the head of the house: a cat or a dog. You can still forgive this weakness for a lonely old woman, but it’s terrible when this happens in large families: “The little chick wants to sleep on the crib, well, let him sleep, we make a bed for ourselves on the floor.” Madhouse!
Be wise even if the "president" is you
Do you want respect for your family from others? Then do not try to tell anyone that you dominate your husband. Society despises henpecked men and female commanders. The attitude from others will be appropriate: the family of a rag and a market aunt.
The woman is the good spirit of the family. In a wise woman, the husband himself will not notice how she cunningly and cleverly guides him, but at the same time it is he who wears the crown. Therefore, even if you got the most points, then make sure that your family is respected. And that's another point in your favor.
