monogamy in relationships. A happy family is a monogamous relationship

In the system of conservative values, female monogamy is a matter of course. The union of a woman with several men is traditionally frowned upon. However, female monogamy is not the most obvious phenomenon.

Women are monogamous by nature

However, social statistics show that gender does not matter in this matter. Much more important is the type of sexual constitution and upbringing. According to the numbers, the number of polygamous men and women is about the same.

Having multiple spouses is the prerogative of men

In Islamic countries it is allowed to have multiple wives. And among other cultures, polygamy is not condemned. For example, King Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines.

But history also knows polyandry. They even coined a term for this phenomenon: polyandry. In the 19th century, having several husbands was customary in the Marquesas, among the Aleuts and some groups of Eskimos. Until recently, polyandry existed in South India among the tribes living in the foothills of the Nilgiria range, and in Tibet. As a rule, polyandry is a forced measure. You have to pay for your future wife: what if there is only money for one bride, but there are many sons? Let everyone live with her - under the parental roof. Formally, the eldest son was married, and the rest "joined" his marriage. Household - in turn, sex - according to the schedule. So that embarrassment did not come out, shoes were left at the door - indicating that the wife was “busy”.

Such a family, when several brothers live with one woman, is called fraternal. There were also non-fraternal marriages - in India, where newborn girls were killed, and accordingly there were always not enough women, such families were not uncommon.

Monogamy is the key to health

It would seem that if we talk about sexual diseases, then in a monogamous couple the risk of getting infected is minimal. Terry Conley, a professor of psychology at the University of Missouri at Kansas City, isn't sure. She believes that adherents of polygamous relationships are less likely to get a sexually transmitted disease.

The professor explains his assumption this way: having sex with 100 partners using barrier contraceptives is safer than having one without a condom. And there is a grain of common sense in it. People who have many sexual partners often take protection more seriously.

Another interesting study was conducted by Professor Andrew Cockburn at the Department of Botany and Zoology of the Australian National University. Based on the results of a series of experiments involving the dark broad-footed marsupial mouse, the professor concluded that polygamous women have healthier offspring.

A monogamous woman is good, a polygamous woman is bad.

From the point of view of, say, Orthodox and even more so Islamic morality, this is true. In Buddhism, this issue is treated a little differently. They generally do not condemn, let alone regulate the sexual relations of their followers.

The Western teacher of the Karma Kagyu Buddhist school, the first European student of the 16th Karmapa, the Dane Lama Ole Nydahl, admits the possibility of having a relationship with several partners if this does not harm anyone. “If we use our body to bring happiness to others, we create good karma,” he says.

Lama Ole himself was in a close relationship with two women for a long time - with his wife Hanna and Kati Hartung, who traveled with Ole when Hanna was busy.

Monogamy - infringement of women's rights

In Islam, there is a legend created, apparently, so that women do not complain about inequality. Somehow a group of 40 women gathered, and they came to Ali b Ali Talib, the son-in-law of the Prophet Muhammad and the head of all the faithful. Women turned to him with a question: “Why did Islam allow men to have several wives, and forbid women to have several husbands? Is this not an infringement of women's rights? Ali ordered to bring several small vessels with water and distribute them to the women, then pour all the water into one large vessel. And then he asked everyone to take from the common container the water that she personally poured into the vessel.

“How is this possible? they exclaimed, “after all, the water is mixed, how to distinguish one’s own from another’s?” To which Ali explained to them: “So is a woman - if she has several husbands, she will have to copulate with each, and when she becomes pregnant, how will you know whose child it is?” This is from the position of a man, but it is really difficult to talk about infringement of rights. Still, historically, the task of a woman is to raise offspring, and it is easier to do this, with one husband who will feed and protect her and his offspring. Psychologists believe that it is more difficult to arouse a sense of responsibility in a man in a polyandrous marriage.

Mostly people are divided into two types: some prefer monogamous relationships, while others are considered adherents of polygamy. Most countries in the world still have monogamous marriages. First, let's define the meaning of these concepts. From Latin "mono" is translated as "one". This means that a person who prefers such a relationship does not exchange his attention for many partners, but focuses on only one thing - he remains faithful to him. "Poly" means "a lot". In this case, a person does not see the need to connect his life with only one chosen one, and does not deny himself the pleasure of regularly starting new novels.

What is the difference between monogamous and polygamous relationships

Polygamy As follows from the previous paragraph, a polygamous person can have relationships with several people at the same time. Such an alliance can be called successful only when all its participants are completely satisfied with this state of affairs. That is, if one of the spouses starts an affair on the side, without informing the other, then this is not at all about polygamy - it is simply treason. Monogamy It is believed that most people are still more prone to monogamy, and, of course, count on such an attitude towards themselves. It is worth noting that women still gravitate towards this form of marriage, and this is not surprising, because most of the fair sex is known as the keepers of the hearth. As a rule, the vast majority of women, even being unhappy in marriage, hardly decide on treason.

Examples of monogamy in the animal kingdom

It is generally accepted that most animals are polygamous, and do not attach importance to who they will mate with. Most often this happens, but not always! So, what kind of representatives of the animal world are prone to being faithful to a partner? 1. Swans The pairs that swans form can last for many years, or even until the death of one of the birds. No wonder swans have become a kind of symbol of love for many! 2. Wolves One of the clearest examples of devotion to your partner, which many people can only envy. If the male dies, the female, as a rule, remains alone for the rest of her life. In turn, the wolf is ready to fight anyone for his partner and offspring. 3. Beavers Not many people know that these small and nimble animals are amazingly loyal! While the beaver is preparing to give birth to offspring, her partner provides her with food. Subsequently, they raise the baby together for about two years, after which they release him into a free life. 4. Penguins Penguins live in pairs for many years. After they become a couple, returning every few months to the colony, they try to find each other among other penguins. 5. Steppe voles When voles become mates, they release hormones that affect certain parts of the brain. The male is faithful to his partner and does not pay attention to other rodents.

Examples of female polygamy (in history, in the culture of other peoples)

Female polygamy has long had a scientific definition - polyandry. According to the latest data, there are about fifty nations in the world in which this type of relationship is practiced - a woman can have more than one spouse. This phenomenon occurs among the Indian population, the Eskimos, in Tibet, and so on. For example, in India, the appearance of polyandry can be explained by gender considerations. Many families have a negative attitude towards the appearance of a girl in the family, and resort to abortions - the reason for this is the unwillingness or inability to collect the necessary dowry. As a result, there are now far fewer women in India than men. Of course, such a phenomenon is not widespread everywhere, but only in remote outbacks. Nowadays, there are places where female polygamy is not only found - it is officially legalized. This type of relationship is quite acceptable in Nigeria, Polynesia. Why do some nations go for it? We can consider the situation on the example of Tibet, where many citizens value their land very much, which often feeds them. Naturally, when sons grow up, they need to create families. Not wanting to exchange land, parents prefer to marry only their eldest son. If there are more boys in the family, then later they are also considered the husbands of the only daughter-in-law in the house. Also, polyandry was once widespread in Venezuela. A woman could live with two husbands, and, having given birth to a baby, as a rule, did not know who his father was. As a result, paternal obligations were assumed by two spouses at once, which subsequently developed quite favorably for the fate of the heir.

Polygamy of men: a question that interests many

Are men polygamous by nature?

Usually women are forced to ask such questions, whose chosen one was improved in an attempt to betray. Not wanting to endure this state of affairs, the woman declares her readiness to break off the relationship, but the man convinces her not to cut it off her shoulder and not to hope that the next romance will turn out better, because all men are naturally prone to polygamy. Is it really?

Unfortunately, there is still some truth in these statements. A man can really show interest in several women at once - it is so provided by nature. Simply put, this behavior is already in the genes. In the old days, even before humanity gained faith, earthlings were adherents of polygamy. This was not caused by promiscuity or dishonesty - this is how people simply survived, because large-scale wars were not uncommon then, taking many lives. The male population has always suffered in these battles, so society was in dire need of male children. Gradually, harems began to appear. Much has changed since then, but one should not be surprised that, at the level of instincts, men still gravitate towards several women at once. A cultural society began to emerge only three thousand years ago, but polygamous relationships existed much longer!

The real problem or excuse of womanizer men

However, it is worth noting another important fact: yes, men are polygamous by nature, but this does not mean at all that they are not able to control their instincts! Of course, a man with a weak will will easily succumb to intrigues on the side, more confident males prefer to lead a monogamous lifestyle. Also note that some men are still more polygamous than others. Lack of attention in childhood. Many psychologists agree that if an adult man periodically commits adultery, then this means that, most likely, he had problems in his childhood. More specifically, he probably lacked maternal attention. As a boy, he remembered this feeling - the need for female participation, care. Subsequently, he carries this need through his whole life, and, as a rule, the attention of one partner is not enough for him. The more often new women appear in his life, the more harmonious he feels. Too much attention. At the same time, there is another extreme - in childhood, a man gets used to the increased attention of a woman. We can talk about an overly caring mother, or a situation where the boy was raised by his mother and grandmother. The second case is more critical. A man on a subconscious level notes for himself that two women can take care of him at once, and he likes this state of affairs. In adulthood, he is likely to also seek increased attention from women - this way he is more comfortable.

Why are women less likely to be polygamous?

It is quite possible to explain female monogamy - like male polygamy, it was laid down by nature. This is how it is now, and it was started many centuries ago - it is mostly women who are destined to raise children and be the keepers of home comfort and hearth. It is worth noting that both spouses may be prone to polygamy, but the fair sex usually has more deterrent factors - in the past times they simply had no time to look for new chosen ones. Also, one cannot leave aside their hormonal background, which helps a woman take care of her children. Of course, this item, as a rule, prevents the establishment of numerous sexual partners.

What history and religion says about polygamy

In world religion, questions about polygamy periodically appear on the agenda, but it cannot be said that this topic has gained some kind of transparency and consensus over time. From time to time, it nevertheless becomes a cause of controversy. Previously, it was believed that this phenomenon first appeared among the Muslim people. However, even now this theory is considered erroneous. As it turned out, many centuries ago, different segments of the population were prone to polygamy, and one spouse for several husbands was not uncommon. As already mentioned, this was due to the fact that many men died in battles, and the survivors considered it their duty to leave as many other healthy offspring as possible. Of course, in these situations, women gradually began to feel disadvantaged, because in fact they were used only for reproduction. At the same time, it was considered a great joy and blessing if a boy was born, but few people were pleased with the appearance of a girl. But Islam, in turn, has significant differences from the described tradition. Muslims have established certain restrictions on polygamy. First of all, it is important to note that a Muslim cannot have an uncountable number of women - he is allowed to marry no more than four chosen ones. It is also worth clarifying that polygamy in Islam is not at all a prerequisite - it is the choice of each individual family, and nothing more. Many Muslims prefer to live with one woman, and consider it as natural as possible for themselves. There are reasons why polygamy is welcomed in Islam. The first of them - polygamy has been applicable since time immemorial where there are significantly fewer men than women. At the same time, no one wants to be left without a husband, and every woman needs male protection. Having failed to become the first wife of her chosen one, the Muslim woman agrees to become the second, third or fourth. In this case, it cannot be said that the rights of women are infringed. Rather, they feel protected, and such a marriage is preferable to them than living alone.

How to change a polygamous man into monogamy

Often, having confirmed their guesses that a man is naturally prone to polygamy, women feel confused. Some of them come to the conclusion that there is only one thing left for them - to come to terms with their fate. However, there is another solution to the problem! 1. Trust relationship According to psychologists, a woman may well avoid betrayal by a partner if a trusting relationship develops in their union. If a man understands the nature of his inclinations, but at the same time strives for monogamy, then you can not worry much. In addition, if he finds in the woman he loves everything that he previously tried to find in others, he will not have the desire to spend his energy looking for better options. It is important for a woman to listen to the wishes of the chosen one, and then their couple will be able to avoid many problems. 2. Work on yourself In order to always remain interesting for her partner, a woman will have to regularly carry out serious work on herself - on her behavior and appearance. Realizing that nature in a man has a tendency to diversity, you can use this to your advantage by periodically making positive changes to your usual image. For someone, in order to refresh their feelings, a change in hair color is enough, but for someone, a complete change of style will be a great shake-up. Be that as it may, it is important to remember that one cannot keep a partner's appearance alone. Every woman intuitively feels what kind of fair sex her husband is striving for - impudent, modest, intellectuals, hippies, etc. If the desired feature is present in the chosen one, then the man will most likely stop “looking around”.

There is an opinion that some people are "monogamous", while others are always not averse to having an affair with someone else. Is it so? In this article, we will consider such a concept as "monogamy" - what is it? And does this phenomenon exist in men?

Male monogamy: what is it and does it exist?

Some are inclined to believe that men have always been and, in fact, should be polygamous, because it is so provided by nature. This argument is often used to justify cheating, but what about monogamy? Men are attracted to women by a "basic instinct". In nature, this happens like this: individuals met and conceived offspring. And in life, sometimes after that, trips or "views" to the left begin. The instinct works, it has not disappeared anywhere. The difference is that a woman can have sex with several men and end up pregnant with only one child. A man, having had fun with several women, can impregnate them all.

Monogamy - what is it and why is it needed?

Yes, the main instinct is to stay safe, survive and reproduce. But man alone is weak. To survive, it is important to get close to other people. Therefore, a man also needs monogamy. Firstly, so as not to compete with other representatives of the "stronger sex", and secondly, so that his woman would support him, help him, take care of him. Therefore, both instincts are satisfied - the desire for survival and procreation. Psychologists believe that love is not a lyric, but a necessary need, which is designed to ensure the safety of a person.

Monogamy - what is it and how does it relate to marriage?

The phenomenon is strange. It seems to be a pity to part, and somehow scary to get close. A more courageous option is when people have several marriages behind them. They are not afraid to take responsibility. Our trouble is that we cannot understand ourselves, realize our instincts and needs and understand what we really need. Agree that it is much easier to "get" the necessary sex in a monogamous union than to "get affection" if you have polygamous relationships.

If you are faithful to your partner, you can connect the intellect to the relationship and create amazing experiences emotionally and physically. If it is not possible to create special conditions for making love, energy can be released into creativity, sports or work. Sex can be found, but quenching the thirst for affection, love and understanding is impossible without a monogamous relationship. Polygamy and monogamy give us completely different possibilities, and opposite ones. If there is no affection, there will be a void in the heart one way or another, which some fill with the help of "love" for pets, other families and others. But it's still not that.

We ourselves And consciously. Our instincts are not strong enough to overshadow the mind, so do not blame nature. And we pay for our choice. So, some women give up the desire to have children and agree to be associated with bad sex, but safety. There are also men who pay for the opportunity to sleep with different women with instability, anxiety and insecurity.

Men, like animals, are monogamous and polygamous. Monogamous men are faithful with pleasure, because they do not want anyone but the woman they love. Polygamous men remain faithful with difficulty, because, in addition to the woman they love, they want all the attractive ladies. Those women who think that all men are polygamous are wrong. Those women who think that love automatically makes any man monogamous are wrong, and if a man is polygamous, then he does not love. Of those and other wrong women, the latter suffer more from their wrongness. If such a woman notices that her beloved man is looking at other ladies with frank interest, she may conclude that he fell out of love with her or never loved her. This is unfair, as her man can be a wonderful and loving husband.

Polygamous sexuality does not prevent a man from loving his wife faithfully and tenderly. As for monogamous men, this species is not as rare as it seems. However, it is worth understanding what this species is in order to decide whether you need this miracle or with polygamous people it is easier and more fun.

Animal monogamy is based on a biological mechanism called "sexual imprinting". Sexual imprinting is the imprinting of the image of a sexual partner. In monogamous animals, after the wedding night, the change of partner becomes physiologically impossible. The male does not respond sexually to any other female. The female for him is only she, his only one. He circles around her from morning to night, and if for some reason he loses her, he can die of longing. In the imagination of romantic girls, this is what true love looks like. The Prince scurries around the world on his white horse and looks for the One. Having met her, he feels love at first sight and captures her image in his heart. If the One is kidnapped, the husband goes in search, like Menelaus after Helen. If the One dies, she descends after her into the realm of the dead, like Orpheus after Eurydice.

Although the sexual behavior of animals is controlled by a genetic program, polygamous species of animals sometimes turn into monogamous and vice versa. For example, the African ostrich was once monogamous, like the Arctic penguin, and was sexually faithful to the female for life, but due to the extinction of the species, sexual imprinting weakened, and the ostrich became polygamous. A man once turned from a polygamous pagan into a monogamous Christian. For several centuries, the sexuality of people has obeyed the law, according to which sex is possible only with a spouse. Sex with other people was considered dirty and criminal. Having penetrated deeply into the minds of people, religion was able to form the same sexual imprinting as in monogamous animals. After marriage, the spouse became the only sexual object, and religious people almost never developed attraction to others. Over time, the influence of religion weakened, and the marriage bond immediately began to weaken. Like ostriches, people went from monogamous to polygamous, began to notice many sexually attractive objects around them and decided not to limit their sexuality to a single connection.

However, not everyone became polygamous. The most romantic natures have remained faithful to monogamy, because monogamy makes you feel the exaltation of feelings. In polygamy, sexual desire is felt as lust and is dispersed into many objects, while in monogamy it is concentrated on one and reaches a high intensity. This is no longer lust, this is the euphoria of the soul and body. Sex without love does not bring a buzz to romantic natures, therefore, true romantics of sex without love are avoided. If a monogamous man sleeps with a woman he does not love, it seems to him that he is wasting valuable energy and defiling the source of this energy. Of course, there are much more such romantics among women than among men. However, among men, such instances are not uncommon.

At first glance, it seems that a monogamous romantic is the dream of any woman. The same prince on a white horse. It seems that such a man can give a woman not only passionate sex, not only intimacy, but also a life together to the grave. In fact, monogamous romantics are the most unreliable husbands. And that's why.

The law on fidelity in marriage was perceived by a religious man as a given from above, which cannot even be doubted if you want to live a prosperous life. Romantic love is a feeling that comes and goes on its own. When love arises, a man submits to it; when love passes, he can no longer stay with the unloved. He must look for new love and usually finds it. As soon as he feels a craving for some new woman, he begins to idealize and exalt her, the rest of the women fade before the image of her beloved. His wife also fades, even if she has children from him. A monogamous man is a slave to his passion. Like Anna Karenina, he considers it more criminal to live with an unloved wife than to go to his beloved. The love of monogamous men has one feature. Due to the fact that she is so exalted, she disappears as soon as the relationship goes into the stage of everyday life. Everyday life extinguishes the ardor of any romance, whose soul requires a constant holiday.

A polygamous man is arranged differently. He experiences roughly the same sexual attraction to all attractive women. Therefore, he chooses his wife not in the heat of passion, but soberly assessing the compatibility of interests. He will not change such a woman for another. For what? If a man is polygamous, then he, like a rooster in a chicken coop, is sexually attractive to all chickens. None of the attractive women has any special advantages for him in the sexual sense. But in other senses, the wife has a clear advantage over other women, especially if she bore him children.
and became a close friend. A polygamous man will not only never leave such a wife for another, but after thinking carefully, he may come to the conclusion that it is better for her not to cheat. To preserve health, finances, as well as psychological comfort, it is more profitable to be faithful.

It seems paradoxical to conclude that monogamous sexuality leads a man to polygamous behavior, and polygamous sexuality, on the contrary, leads to monogamous. In fact, everything is logical. Polygamous sexuality is based on an indiscriminate attitude towards sex. Sex is perceived as a physical need, just like the need for food. Yes, and in this polygamy is not a gourmet, but an omnivore. He is rather cynical about sex and never mixes it with love. Love for him is something that lives in the soul, and sex is something that concerns the body. In this separation lies the secret of a stable relationship.

For a monogamist, love and sex are merged into one. Sex is possible only with a loved one. Because of this, when passion passes, love also ends. A monogamist may recognize that he has an attachment to a former lover, but a true monogamist will never consider this attachment to be love. Love for a monogamist is a bright, stormy, sexually colored experience. But, as soon as the relationship goes into a monotonous mode, cooling sets in. The polygamist does not know what cooling and disappointment are, because he is not ignited by such passion. Sex for him is a regular satisfaction of physical needs. And it is most convenient to do this with your beloved wife.