Husband swears all the time on maternity leave. How not to go crazy while on maternity leave? Lack of visible results

Dear mothers, have you ever come across such a situation when you wake up in the morning completely without a mood, you feel sick at the mere thought that now you need to cook porridge, wash the priests of the children, gather everyone for a walk, clean the apartment during the daytime sleep and cook dinner for your husband ... and so every day...

As a result, you are always dissatisfied with everything, you start yelling at your children, arguing with your husband ...

What's happening? Are you a bad mother and wife? Has your husband suddenly changed so much: before he loved you and helped you, and now you have to cut him even in order to hang a new hook in the corridor for a children's coat.

Where to run from all this? And how to regain your smile and good mood again?

Should calm you down! Everything is fine! Just the usual maternity depression attacked you. And it's easy enough to heal. The main thing here is not to engage in self-digging, but to understand that it was just depression that visited you, and not you are a bad mother and wife who cannot cope with her duties.

Where does this depression come from?

First of all, from monotony. Every day is the same. Priests-porridge-walks in the park-soothing-whims-scattered toys-cooking dinner-bathing-again whims and going to bed, sometimes lasting for hours ... even at night you get up 2-3 times to the child, you won’t get enough sleep, and in the morning everything is new ... And There is no end to this cycle!

How to do everything? How to make time for yourself and your husband? How to learn to relax in this non-stop?

The second reason is the lack of the possibility of self-realization. Doing chores and popping is not a very high intellectual activity, so your personality just goes on strike because you don't give it a creative outlet.

Some mothers try to find this creative expression in early childhood development, but is it right? Is this method suitable for everyone?

Another common cause of depression is simply the banal inability to talk to someone in a normal human language, without “BIBI”, “MU”, “KAKA”. After all, from the fact that YOU are on maternity leave, your brain does not stop working, you are visited by some thoughts, ideas, and you want to discuss all this with someone, find support. Husband? The husband came home from work tired, he would have to eat and rest, and then the children were screaming, they needed to be bathed and put to bed ... Finally, the children fell asleep. I was just about to relax, and then you start pestering me with your fixed ideas. But you have to think about them, something to answer you. What a place to relax! Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is just to growl at you so that they don't pester you with their nonsense. But in fact, in fact, he simply has a defensive reaction, because he, like any person, needs rest and he defends his right to it, since you are trying to deny him this right.

So, for now, there are more questions than answers. Therefore, I will move on to specific proposals for getting out of maternity depression.

1. Find your favorite thing. Anything, the main thing that you like, inspires you. Start blogging, cross stitching, making collages, editing videos, knitting toys, making soap, making natural creams... Anything your heart desires! And be sure to carve out at least an hour a day for this your favorite thing.

2. Don't forget about yourself and your vacation. Minimum program: eat regularly and well, during the day while children sleep, rest for at least 20-30 minutes (sleep, just lie down, meditate - choose to your taste), take a hot shower or bath before going to bed and smear your favorite hands with cream.

3. Leave home without children for at least 2 hours a week. Go to a cafe with your friends, go to the movies with your husband, go shopping. Guess your trip at the time of the children's sleep, so that it would be easier for grandmothers-aunts to deal with them. Already 2 hours a week, even dad can sit with the children!

4. Look for new friends and girlfriends who are interested in your ideas. If the mothers on the playgrounds do not share your views, find some Club on the Internet where your like-minded people will be. Call them regularly via Skype, discuss your plans, do joint projects. The Internet in this plan now provides almost limitless possibilities. In the end, create such a club of like-minded people yourself.

5. Create your own holiday! Buy yourself an elegant home suit, which you will be happy to put on in the morning. Buy some special house slippers. Or, on the contrary, change into an evening dress and put on high-heeled shoes in the evening, before the arrival of your husband. Buy yourself nice little things: a beautiful hairpin, a notebook, a pen, even some special glove for washing the sink. Create a holiday always and in everything, even, it would seem, in completely ordinary, everyday affairs.

Love yourself, pamper yourself, do not forget about yourself! After all, the happiness of those around you depends on your happiness.

Believe me, any child will prefer 30 minutes of playing with a smiling, happy mother, when she completely belongs to him and is completely in the game, to two hours of some kind of forced, labored games with which you play with him not from the heart, but from necessity, because you think that you should spend maximum time with your child and develop him as much as possible, even to the detriment of personal time and hobbies.

And any husband will be more happy to accept your smile, a beautiful dress at dinner and a gentle kiss from you as a gift before leaving for work than a perfectly cleaned apartment. Remember how in a joke ... A husband comes home from work, everything is clean and comfortable, it smells of borscht. His wife comes out to meet him - her face is covered in sweat, her legs are swollen, there is a mess on her head, she tried for the house ... Her husband says to her: “It's good at home, dinner is waiting, there is shine and cleanliness all around, there is nowhere to spit! .. Unless ON YOU!” And then we wonder why the husband has changed so much ... But this is a topic for another article ...

5 things a husband will never understand about his wife's decree

Many problems in family life are due to misunderstandings. The birth of a child and the wife's decree provoke the strongest of them.

The husband believes that he is working and gets very tired, and therefore the wife sitting (!) At home may well clean, cook, wash and be rested, since she was saturated with the energy of the child all day.

The wife, in turn, is so tired of “resting” that she cannot fulfill all the wishes of her husband.

Family psychologists have identified 5 main things that husbands do not understand in the wife's decree:

1. Multitasking.

Scientists have calculated that a woman raising a child performs more tasks than any office worker. The number of tasks is comparable to the work of a resuscitator, who must take into account many factors at the same time and monitor the constantly changing situation.
Does it look like your life?

2. There is no feeling of the correctness of the path and the result.

When you work, your results are likely to be quickly visible and understandable: you made a deal, wrote a program, had successful negotiations, completed research. These are all projects that have a beginning, an end, and a result.

What about mom? Cleaned up - dirty, washed the dishes - again her mountain, cooked - ate, worked out with the child, but the result is not immediately visible! And all this happens in a cycle, day after day, month after month, year after year.

Such work is considered by psychologists to be the most difficult, because without clear results and guidelines, it is very difficult to move forward.

Loss of motivation in this case is the easiest consequence of such work. Stress, depression and chronic fatigue are much more difficult to deal with.

3. Working time.

A young mother works more than a 24-hour supermarket. Her working day is 24/7, without breaks, weekends and holidays. Nobody works like that! Only mom!

But the husband is unlikely to understand, because he thinks that you are resting. And it is impossible to get tired of rest.

4. Insulation.

Anyone who has not been in the place of a young mother will not understand how the big world collapses in a small house. Friends, colleagues, an active social life - all this disappears overnight. Some psychologists compare this situation to imprisonment. Mom needs to rebuild her life.

5. Lack of positive signals from outside.

Good leaders know that an employee should be praised, and if this is not done, then even a person with the strongest self-organization will have a lower level of motivation.

It is very bad if the husband does not thank his wife. This is another reason for depression.

And, in general, who called the decree a vacation? Certainly not a young mother!

The conflict of fathers and children, drivers and pedestrians, managers and employees, son-in-law and mother-in-law - I think everyone has heard about this kind of "confrontation". However, there is one more thing that few people talk about, but many people face - a misunderstanding of a working husband and wife on maternity leave.

It would seem, what difficulties can arise for people who love each other. And this is not even a dispute about how to raise a child or conduct household chores - the conflict is different. For a husband who goes to work and earns money for his family, for some reason it seems that a wife who stays at home and is exclusively occupied with the hearth does much less than he does. The phrase “you are sitting at home” alone is worth something. The same, in turn, is absolutely sure that caring for a child and doing housework is much more tiring than her husband's labor activity. As a result, we have mutual reproaches, misunderstandings, quarrels. But let's take a calm look at the situation. Is it so easy to take care of home comfort?

And in this situation (to the chagrin of men) I am completely on the side of the woman. Not only do you need to look after the child, but also somehow have time to cook your spouse to eat, tidy up the apartment and do a bunch of other household chores. No job even comes close to it (of course, if you do not take the most difficult and dangerous ones). Let's just imagine a standard situation: the husband works the usual working week 5/2, the wife is on maternity leave with the child. So he went to work in the morning. He worked a little, in a free minute (perhaps) he even managed to drink coffee, then he has a legal one-hour lunch, during which he is free to do whatever he wants. After a little more work - and everything, the working day is over. He can spend the evening as he wants, even at home with his family, even with friends in the bathhouse. Everything seems to be simple and clear. At the same time, the woman woke up early in the morning, took care of the child, managed to somehow manage to cook breakfast for her husband. Throughout the day, she is all absorbed in caring for the child - she can only dream of a lunch or coffee break (she had time - well, no - she remained hungry). In addition, she still needs to do household chores in parallel. At the same time, she does not even know exactly when her “working day” will end. The most interesting thing is that after his working day, a man is not particularly eager to help his wife (he has already worked his today). In fact, a woman has neither a coffee break, nor lunch, nor even an exact time for the end of her "working day" - and we will say something else about our fatigue at work?

But this uncertainty is only the beginning. If during his labor activity a man sees some result of his labors, he is praised for it, he receives moral satisfaction from this, then a woman with her household chores cannot boast of such. The man turned the detail, caught the intruder, prevented theft, took the goods, baked bread, repaired the electrical appliance, sold the car - there is always a result. The wife washed the children's clothes at home - by the evening they again accumulated a mountain and need to be washed in a new way; washed the floor - the child spilled something or scattered it, and you need to take up the rag again; I put things in order in the nursery - after a couple of hours the toys are scattered there again, and I have to start working again. And so the whole day. What does your husband say when he comes home? That's right, "what did you do at home during the day, if everything is the same as it was?" But you really did what you needed to do, but only during the day everything returned to its previous form. So it turns out that the work has been done, but the result as such is not visible, the forces spent, no gratitude, and even complaints in the evenings. There is no talk of any kind of justice.

With all this, the man has more freedom. He can spend the weekend as he wants, after work he is free, and there is also a vacation at work, and you can always ask for a couple of days at your own expense if necessary. A woman on maternity leave, in fact, does not decide anything herself - all her actions and freedoms depend on the child (it’s good if there are aunts / grandmothers nearby who can sit with the child if necessary). Well, judge for yourself. She firmly knows that at lunchtime the child will sleep, which means that you can go about your business. But, alas, the child did not want to sleep. Everything, plans for free time remained plans. Or while the child is playing, she decided to do the laundry. But the baby cried, and the things in the typewriter remained lying - washed, but not hung up. So it turns out that it makes no sense to talk about any plans, a free period of time. A woman's time is not controlled by her, but by her child.

And this is only a small part of what distinguishes the work of a woman on maternity leave from the work of a man. Of course, one can also recall the monotony, and the limited circle of communication, and similar actions every day. The matter is quite different. A man goes to work, earns money so that his family does not need anything. A woman at home raises children and takes care of comfort in the house. Both do different things, but the goal is the same - the well-being of the family. Maybe you should stop measuring the significance of your merits?

I often work night shifts, so I take food with me. More precisely, I take what my wife prepares and collects in a bag. Once, tired, I decided to have a snack. I take out the package and look forward to what my beloved has prepared this time. I look, and there is a note with sweet words about love. In the morning he returned home and put a note in response to her in his coat pocket. Now it is our tradition - we exchange messages with my wife. I read at work and rejoice like a schoolboy, my heart becomes warmer.

I am on maternity leave, and my husband works all the time. He gets up early, comes in the evening and almost collapses. I usually get up in the morning with him, cook breakfast and take him to work. I wake up today and my husband is gone. I look at the time - 10 o'clock. I'm angry that I overslept and didn't see him off. I go into the kitchen: the plates are washed, everything is neatly laid out, the table is cleared. On the table is a bouquet of flowers and my favorite cookie, and next to it is a note: “Your work as a mother is more important than mine. Kiss you". I barely held back my tears.
Winter, everywhere snow, ice - terribly slippery. I recently had back surgery and now I'm very afraid of falling. I walk like a penguin. And home from work you have to walk across the bridge, from which you need to go down the stairs. And now, after another working day, I walk on the ice, thinking with horror about the upcoming icy steep steps. I go up to the stairs and see how my boyfriend, flushed in the cold, is clearing the last steps of ice. If this isn't true love, then what is?

The first guy broke up because after a shift at work, she didn’t cook a 3-course dinner. She left the second one a week before the wedding, because she did not help his mother with strawberries. He did not care that I had a terrible allergy to this berry. Recently they started living together with a friend of their youth, it's about the wedding. Sometimes I come after 10 pm from work. The house is clean, dinner is heated, he makes tea. And no matter how lazy I am, I want to cook 3 dishes for him and go to my parents for potatoes.

I have jet black hair and very pale skin, if I paint my eyes brightly, I look like a real witch. I was riding the subway, an old lady comes in, looks at me and starts to cross herself. I decided to joke, started to pretend that I was conjuring, and began to make magical movements with my hands. The boy sitting next to me crossed the chip and began to shake, roll his eyes, saying that he felt that something was moving into him, the grandmother was in shock, I could hardly contain my laughter, the people in the car were choking with laughter. At my station, a guy ran out after me. We have been married for 5 years, at the wedding the first toast was for a superstitious grandmother in the subway!
My husband and I have very busy schedules, almost constantly at work, there is really no time left for ourselves. Sometimes you don't even have time to eat. We get up early, we go to bed late, we exhaust ourselves during the day. And the other day my glove was torn, and I can’t find time to go for a new pair. For a couple of days in the evening I forget to sew up, and in the morning I don’t have time - I just walk, I’m cold.

And now I wake up, and my husband got up earlier and sits so intently sewing up my glove. Although he rarely gives me flowers and makes compliments, it is precisely such actions that do not allow me to doubt for a minute the sincerity of our feelings and great love!

In the evening I sat at the kitchen table and painted the picture with colored pencils. The idea was interesting, and in order not to confuse anything, I sorted and arranged all the pencils in a special order. In fact, it took up the entire table. In the morning, my husband was laying breakfast, while I shouted “aaah, overslept!” ran around the house.

I go into the kitchen, I see that my neatly arranged pencils are no longer on the table. I was upset, of course, but not much, because I myself am a muddler, I had to shift them somewhere in the evening. And then I went into the bedroom and saw my pencils on the computer desk. Husband transferred. In the order that I had. All 50 pieces!

First love. They loved madly, understood each other perfectly. But I thought that I was still too young for a serious relationship, and exchanged it for parties with friends. Now I'm 27, behind 6 years of heavy drinking and frivolous relationships. Recently, we met by chance in a shopping center, it turned out that she is already happily married and has a son. We sat in a cafe for 4 hours, talking about life, about the past. Both admitted that it was the best time in our lives.

I came home and burst into tears. How stupid I was that I traded her for all this. Friends, appreciate what you have, appreciate those who love you, because in our vast world it is so difficult to find your soul mate! And when you find it, hold on tight and don't let go anywhere!

Why is the representation of men about wives on maternity leave not always true? For a man, his wife on maternity leave is like on vacation. A spouse who is not doing anything, who has plenty of time, suddenly becomes irritable, unkempt, often refuses affection, referring to fatigue - what is the reason for such changes? What do husbands need to know about the delights of maternity leave and how to help your spouse avoid depression?

Men, mistakenly believing that the decree resembles a vacation, often expect too much from their soulmate. In their opinion, the wife should always be blooming, joyful, smiling and trouble-free, because she does nothing all day. The expectations of the stronger sex can be understood - they are busy earning money, which they completely spend on the family, sometimes denying themselves a lot.

Not getting what they want in return, husbands are disappointed, thinking that they are no longer loved and appreciated. The continuation is known - the discord of relations, the search for a mistress, a divorce. To avoid such problems, it is important for men to understand how difficult it is to care for a child on maternity leave.

Lack of visible results

Being on maternity leave, a woman does a lot of things in a day, but at the same time she does not see the results of her own activities. For comparison, at the workplace, each action has a logical conclusion, for example, a deal is concluded, a report is made, a car is repaired. Ultimately, the person doing this work receives a monetary reward for it.

On maternity leave, everything is different - washed dishes immediately appear in the sink again, cooked food disappears almost instantly. And sometimes mom can’t finish what she started at all, because a small child constantly makes adjustments to her plans. A typical situation - a woman began to iron clothes, but the baby woke up, which means that ironing is delayed, because the child needs to be fed. If the baby is capricious, the mother should calm him down, play with him, change the diaper. Then it's time to get ready for a walk, now again no time for ironing.

The constant lack of results brings women on maternity leave to depression. This condition is associated with a lack of the hormone dopamine, which is produced when a person receives satisfaction from the work done.

Moms take note!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me, but I’ll write about it))) But I have nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too ...

lack of gratitude

Daily routine, accompanied by a lack of gratitude, deprives women on maternity leave of joy and motivation. If family members - husband and children, do not say a simple "thank you", the keepers of the hearth have nowhere to draw strength to perform numerous household chores. The realization that you are doing the right job, that your efforts are appreciated by relatives, inspires women. So that the wife and mother do not suffer from depression, she must be thanked for the care shown - for the cleanliness of the house and for a delicious dinner.

Work from dawn to dusk

The working day of a woman on maternity leave begins long before the household wakes up, because she needs to feed her husband before leaving, cook fresh porridge for the baby. In the evening, when the children are asleep, she cannot afford to rest until she has cleaned the rooms and washed the dishes. During the day, mothers also have almost no time to calmly drink tea or lie down. Do not forget that often a small child wakes up at night to eat or drink. Round-the-clock operation is an unbearable burden that is thrown on women's shoulders. It is important to understand how difficult it is for the wife, and appreciate her efforts.

Monotonous environment and lack of communication

When a child appears in the family, the communication of a woman with her friends is almost reduced to zero. The newly-made mother loses contact with the work team, and her entire environment is a baby and a husband. Perhaps the spouse believes that it is enough for the other half to talk with other mothers on the playground or in the clinic. However, this communication cannot be called full-fledged and inspiring, because in the conversations of unfamiliar women, only the topics of life and raising children are touched upon. The same environment and the lack of time to meet with friends have a depressing effect on women.

Understanding the problems that a wife faces on maternity leave will help maintain a good relationship with each other and avoid family breakdown.

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