Why does my husband often tell me to leave. How to understand that a man is gone forever. How to understand that love has passed

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Irina.

The difficulties that have arisen in your relationship can be overcome, but not for the sake of the child, but for the sake of you and your husband. If there is a desire to become happy in marriage, to establish mutual understanding with her husband, then the children will feel happy, they will not have to endure and wait until they grow up.

Today, many couples, faced with the first difficulties, easily break off relations, forgetting that this is work and that it does not happen that one partner is perfect, and all the troubles are from the other.

Apparently, your husband does not consider it necessary to invest in relationships, to work on them. If this is the third marriage, then there is an impression of a certain system. When relationships are just emerging, the partner is idealized, it seems that the whole world is at your feet, but as soon as romance is replaced by everyday life, chores and cares for children appear, claims against each other immediately begin.

The family is a woman's area of ​​responsibility. She plays the main role here, the man just adjusts. Its main task is to provide accommodation for the family. From your letter it is clear that he is fulfilling his task. But the climate in the family is disturbed. You mentioned your difficult character, but basically you have complaints in relation to your husband: “that he is deceiving and not telling”, “he does not have a relationship with your eldest son”, “he began to insult and find fault with you”, “corresponds to social networks with other girls, etc. If all this happens, then something does not suit him in you either, and perhaps in this way he is looking for an outlet in communication with other women. And in relation to you, he accumulates aggression, which he expresses in insults, rejection of your older child, in quarrels with you. Ask him what annoys him about you? What traits or behaviors do you dislike? What would he like to change in your relationship?

After all, when you started a family, no one forced you, it means that everything in each other suited you or you thought that you could handle everything, especially since both you and he already had a bad experience.

Try together to find that starting point, after which the relationship began to deteriorate. Remember when you stopped communicating with each other, clarifying your feelings and finding a way out after the first quarrels? You, as a woman, could not but feel changes in his attitude towards you, but either did not consider it necessary to change anything, or did not do enough to improve the situation. First of all, you need to understand yourself and be honest with yourself. Recognize that you are also imperfect, that perhaps you somehow humiliated your husband, suppressed his authority, did not respond to his needs. You wrote that him relations with your eldest son do not add up. But what did you do for this? Why did you put all the responsibility on him? After all, in this way you “leave” the child, believing that it is they who do not have a relationship.

Interestingly, on the one hand, your husband wants you to leave the child with him (which implies his love for the child, the desire to be near him and take care of him), and on the other hand, he says that he will not help you if You will take the child. Rather, these words should cause some kind of reaction in you, rather than reflect his real attitude towards the child. Think about why he provokes you?

And decide for yourself what you really want. Understand that a successful relationship is not only about taking, but also about giving. Decide if you want to be close to this man, regardless of the children and the means on which you live? And if so, what can you change about yourself and what will be your contribution to the development of these relationships? If not, then the sacrifice for the sake of children will be unnecessary.

With respect and faith in your wisdom!

Instruction

First you need to remember that men disappear from your life from time to time. That is their nature. The reason for this phenomenon is the desire to arouse the jealousy of your beloved in order to once again be convinced of her love and increase your sense of self-worth. That is why it is necessary to find out what is the reason for this situation. Perhaps not so long ago you had a fight, or your relationship just stabilized, and the young man just wants a little freedom. Maybe he only needs to spend time with his friends several times a week, without you. In any case, before drawing conclusions, it is necessary to carefully analyze the situation, taking into account all the details.

Often, men tend to say rash words to their soul mates. That is why, if during a quarrel you hear the phrase “I don’t love you”, you should not blindly and unconditionally believe this. Most likely, this phrase was said only in a fit of anger, but in fact he does not think so. If he didn't have feelings for you, he would have left a long time ago.

If in your relationship there has been no warmth, affection and support for a long time, you should think about whether there are feelings between you. Of course, if your passion has just cooled down a little over the years, you can try to “rekindle” it again, but if it simply doesn’t exist, you shouldn’t try anymore. Yes, parting is not so easy, but sometimes this is the only way out of this situation. Just remember that nothing happens by chance in your life. Every breakup is followed by a new meeting.

Before looking for an answer to the question "is a man", you need to analyze your behavior. Maybe you spend too much time at work, pay little attention to your beloved. Do not forget that a woman by nature tends to dramatize. From a small insignificant quarrel, they can inflate a big problem, make a molehill out of a fly. Of course, any event can cause people to move away, but this does not mean that your relationship is over. In any case, remember that if a man decides to leave, he will definitely inform you about it in a calm atmosphere.

You can understand one thing: when a man leaves forever, he will not contact you, will not answer your calls and messages, maybe even change his phone number and place of residence. Most likely, he will ask his friends not to tell you anything about his existence, he will simply disappear. The new relationship of your lover can also let you know that you will never be together again.

Throw tomatoes at me, but learning from the mistakes of others is an empty business. Until you fall face down into the dirt and get out of this shit, you won’t understand anything. Therefore, I will not say unequivocally that you should not keep a man if he wants to leave. Sometimes it’s useful to grab a stranglehold on someone who no longer needs us, get enough of our fears and humiliations, look at ourselves from the outside and not recognize, feel pity and disgust for ourselves “beloved”, so that finally a conscious “enough” comes. And never repeat that mistake again. Never. Because life is dangerous.

A true story told to me by a psychologist. Family. Two children. Ten years of marriage. She has long forgotten about her hobbies and interests. All the time and energy goes to the children and husband. And he said he wants a divorce. Met a woman. Carrot love. And in no other way. For her, it was the end of the world. She decided to keep the infidel. I went to the forest, cut the veins in my arms, called the faithful and said: “I won’t be able to survive this, I don’t need my life. Goodbye". In the evening, she woke up in the hospital, next to her frightened husband: “I'm sorry. Don't worry about anything. I stay". Yes, the husband stayed in the family, because he did not want his own children to lose their mother. But what has this woman become? Into an insecure, notorious hysteria. Her life began to look like an endless torture. Suspicion and jealousy haunted her. It is clear that the husband continued the relationship on the side. And this daily painful sawing of herself into pieces led her to know where? To the oncologist. Young woman 35 years old! Once beautiful, funny and interesting, daring, with her dreams. And for whom? Well, nothing good comes out of trying to keep a man ... Sooner or later you will regret it. And it's good if you manage to stay healthy. After all, living with the constant feeling that you are not loved is hell. Is not it so?

About what to do if a man decides to leave, we were told by the famous psychologist Alena Al-As:

Alena Al-As,
psychologist

“I think it’s better to remain a pleasant memory for a man than an annoying presence. I want to say right away - from practice: a man who has been in a relationship with a woman for a long time, he decides to leave very rarely. As a rule, the reasons for this are: 1) the woman drove herself away; 2) the removal of the brain on her part has reached a critical mass; 3) a new significant woman has appeared, love, and the man wants to build new relationships. If you see that the situation is exactly the same as in the first two cases, then you should think about what exactly are you trying to achieve? Does this man mean to you? If yes, then you should reconsider your behavior, otherwise you will still be left alone. What's more, if you don't try to change your scripts, you'll run into the same problems in a new relationship. This is not a call to turn a blind eye to things that are unpleasant for you, just not to lose a man! No. You just need to learn to talk about your desires and feelings, to compromise and behave like a woman wisely. If another has appeared in a man’s life, I advise you not to consider this as your personal loss. It so happened. Usually women try to fight for a man in this situation, but, as a rule, the result is disappointing.

By your struggle for a man, you simply grow his ego, increase his significance, while you yourself turn into a desperate female creature, begging for his love. In addition to neglect, such a female role will not cause anything in a man. And love can't be returned

But what if there are children? How not to fight?! You can try, but the ending is predictable. And think about it: do children really need such an example? Maybe it's better to discuss further ways of interaction, while maintaining your own dignity, than to show the children the mother begging and humiliated?

Another situation, when a man leaves, saying: “I need freedom / I haven’t walked up / I’m not ready for a relationship yet,” this means only one thing: he needs freedom from you, and he is not ready for a relationship specifically with you. As a rule, if he has a feeling that he has found his woman, such excuses disappear by themselves. Specifically, in this case, attempts to keep a man will not lead to the desired result.

Accept that you are a transit point for him and he will build a life on the other. This situation must be accepted with dignity. It's just not your person. If the scheme "met - lived together - went to another" has become familiar, then there is a reason to turn to a psychologist

In general, with a sick relationship, in any case, you need to end it. If, during parting, it “blows the roof off” - this is not always love. More often just an emotional addiction. Disease. Identification of oneself only with a partner and nothing else. And without the help of a specialist, it is difficult to cope with it. If, when parting, the light came together like a wedge and you don’t want to live, run to a psychologist. It often happens: he beats, drinks, walks, but still I won’t let him go. Because mine has grown, I can’t imagine another life. This is not love. All because they “got hooked” on sick relationships like a needle. And why? Because at some point they crossed a line that is dangerous to cross. Dreams, big plans were thrown into the far shelf. Relationships have replaced everything. They forgot about themselves as a person with their ideas. His desires are your desires. This is where we fell into the trap. This is what I mean ... To the fact that you do not need to be afraid of parting with someone who does not appreciate you, does not love you, does not respect you. Emotional dependency can be cured. It will only be hard the first time. But you need to constantly remind yourself that this will not always be the case, it will pass, everything will change.

How to let go of a man and end a sick relationship? The advice of psychologists boils down to one thing: the main thing to do is to MAKE A DECISION. Final and irrevocable. Alas, this is the hardest part. Next - EXPERIENCE the situation. Give yourself time to "cry", but do not delay it too much. If you keep everything in yourself or, conversely, fight in sobs for weeks, you can fall into a deep depression. After a few days of seclusion, you need to switch. To work. For a trip. Something that has always brought you joy. Every month it gets easier. Breakdowns and tantrums can happen from time to time, but the further you go, the less they will be. The most difficult thing is to survive the first six months after the break. Then the so-called breakdown passes. You will feel like a complete independent person. And it will be a great start to your new life.

Author: Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar. ISBN: Year of publication: Key words: rhetoric, Russian language, culture of speech, Russian language, culture of speech, orthology. All rights reserved. © g. 1 Rymar Svetlana Viktorovna LEXICAL SYNONYMS A.S. PUSHKIN: QUALITATIVE AND QUANTITATIVE ANALYSIS (on the material of a synonymic dictionary and rows with a different number of synonyms) Specialty Russian language ABSTRACT of a dissertation for the degree of candidate of philological sciences 02 0NT2 Nizhny Novgorod. 2.

The dissertation materials have been introduced into the educational process of the Murom Institute (branch) of Vladimir State University in the development and delivery of lecture courses and practical seminars on the Russian language and culture of speech. Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar. In fact, for an intelligent person, speaking badly should be considered as indecent as not being able to read and write. All the best statesmen in the era of prosperity of states, the best philosophers and poets, reformers were at the same time the best orators.

The path to every career was strewn with flowers of eloquence. (AP Chekhov) Modern society requires a high speech culture in the professional sphere of communication.

For students-non-philologists, a program of a special course in the Russian language has been created, having mastered it, students will improve their speech from the point of view. Culture of Russian speech. Author: Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar. (AP Chekhov) Modern society requires a high speech culture in the professional sphere of communication. For non-philologists, a program of a special course in the Russian language has been created, having mastered it, students will improve their speech in terms of its correctness and expediency.

The monograph includes theoretical reviews on the main topics of the course "Russian Language and Culture of Speech" for students of technical universities, in particular, the normative aspect of speech culture is considered in detail. This book is intended for students of various non-philological specialties. comments powered by Hyper. Rymar Svetlana Viktorovna Academic degree: Ph.D. philol. Sciences. Russian language and culture of speech, Practice for obtaining professional skills and professional experience, Preventive pedagogy, Social and pedagogical work with various confessional groups, Fundamentals of the welfare state and civil society, Economic foundations of social work, Social policy, Legal support of social work, Social pedagogical work in boarding schools, Social work with various groups.

For non-philologists, a program of a special course in the Russian language has been created, having mastered it, students will improve their speech in terms of its correctness and expediency. Rymar Svetlana Viktorovna “In fact, for an intelligent person, speaking badly should be considered as indecent as not being able to read and write. All the best statesmen in the era of prosperity of states, the best philosophers and poets, reformers were at the same time the best orators.

"Flowers of eloquence" was strewn with the path to any career. (AP Chekhov) Modern society requires a high speech culture in the professional sphere of communication. For students-non-philologists, a program of a special course in the Russian language has been created, having mastered it, students will improve their speech from the point of h.

rub. A special course program has been created for non-philologists.

Today in the women's club "Who is over 30" we will look for answers to a very sentimental question: why do husbands go to mistresses or just leave the family. Difficult question...

Traveling into the inner world of a man requires your willpower and your willingness to accept sometimes unpleasant truths. Well, put on your shoulders the baggage of your own and someone else's experience or connect your imagination - we will go through the maze of married life and analyze why and when men begin to look for a way out of it.

Obviously, everyone wants to be happy in life.

Yes, men are people too! They, like women, have their own realistic or far-fetched ideas about a happy married life. So, in order to find out why the husband says that he will go to another or to a bachelor's house, it would be logical to call his hormones of happiness for questioning.

Surely they will be sick and not functioning at home.

That is, the husband flew on the wings of happiness at the initial stage of married life, and now he barely lifts his legs and overcomes the force of rejection in order to cross the threshold of the house and fall asleep. If the flight has turned into a tired or irritated shuffling of your feet, the reason for this is similar changes in your marriage.

And do not point a finger at the monotony of everyday life - men value stability and confidence in the future. Of course, I'm talking about adult formed men, and not about infantile representatives of the species who do not know themselves and, moreover, do not know what they need from marriage. Most often, the latter leave their families not for someone else, but simply away from their wives and children in order to sort themselves out and/or get rid of responsibility.

If the husband says he will leave

The sorority website highlights two main reasons why a husband leaves his wife.
Relax and imagine yourself witnessing the following situation.

Mr. A meets Mrs. A. They count the hours until the next meeting, look at each other with heart-shaped pupils and constantly talk about their bright feelings. Friends tell them that they are the perfect couple, and a few months later he proposes to her. A year passes, and a mistress appears on the horizon.

The reason for such a choice of a husband and, consequently, the collapse of the marriage union, is the action of testosterone - the male hormone of happiness. Thanks to this hormone, a man in love is ready to even get a star from the sky for the sake of his chosen one. Thus, the relationship that Mr. A. builds in a hurry is driven by passion.

Let's dig deeper. If the relationship is based on passion, it is impossible to establish harmony in them, because a person wants to get everything at once, postponing the well-being of the relationship in a long box.

A man in a situation does not care what others will say about his chosen one, how their joint life will be organized, whether they will visit his friends, etc. He just wants to marry Mrs. A., thinking that he will then rub the magic lamp, voice his desires to the Genie, and everything will somehow organize itself.

What trap can a man fall into

Ignorance is the first reason that serves as an excuse when a husband says that he is going to leave. Especially destructive ignorance of the character, interests and habits of the wife. When we meet a person who interests us, we try to seem better than we really are, but over time we open up and show our true essence.

If this disclosure occurs already in marriage, often troubles cannot be avoided. You can't love someone you don't know.

As a result, husbands often say they are leaving because their illusions have been shattered.

For example, Mr. A. could expect from Mrs. A. weekly trips to nature, but it turned out that she is a terrible homebody, and she can be pulled out fishing with tents only on the floor by her hair. It doesn’t matter if she built an active athlete out of herself before marriage in order to please him, or he fantasized to himself that she would be happy with him even to the ends of the world.

Illusions collapse, the man feels deceived and runs away from his mistake.

Why Husbands Leave

The second global reason for looking for loopholes from marriage is dissatisfaction in family life.

Each of us has some needs - women mostly want tenderness and tea ceremonies with girlfriends, and men - constant sexual relations and football on the weekends. If you ask why the husband leaves the family, he will say that he does not receive in marriage what

For example, if 40-year-old Mr. V. suddenly leaves the family for a young Mrs. V., one should not look for the cause in lust. Mr. V. truly falls in love because Mrs. V. looks at him with adoration, which you have not done for a long time. She appreciates him, and you seem to no longer. He thinks so.

An alarm signal in case of dissatisfaction will be the husband's ignoring your requests or comments. He can be sure that you are using it for personal gain.

Relations in this case can acquire the character of revenge. Oh, you didn't go to the store? I will find the one who will not allow herself to leave her husband hungry.

The problem with both ignorance and dissatisfaction as the cause of cheating is that a man surrounds himself with some expectations from his wife, which she may not know about. If these expectations are not dispelled in time, after a short period of marriage, a man will either leave for another, or withdraw into himself.
Take care that knowing your husband is the best prescription for any fevers, which are best handled without you.

Who is over 30 - a club for women after 30.