Understand whether a man is serious. How to understand a man's intentions: is he set for a serious relationship

The editorial office of AiF received a letter from a frustrated 35-year-old Irene N. from Nizhny Novgorod: “Amazing! Men themselves persuade a woman to have sex almost on the first date, saying: “We are adults, it will end with this anyway”, “Let's not think in standards”, “We are so drawn to each other, in life and there is so little good, why deprive ourselves of joy?”

And then they shed after the first night! And my friend, having achieved intimacy from me, now declares: “If you are with me like that, it means that you go to bed with everyone, having barely met!” Why was he in such a hurry to have sex with me then?!”

Despite the seeming frivolity of the question for many couples, he nevertheless became a stumbling block.

- A whole chapter in my book is devoted to the inconsistency of male desires! - says "aif" psychologist Anetta Orlova. - Most representatives of the stronger sex believe that they have a clear image of the ideal woman they are looking for in their head. But in fact, these are ... two images! The first ideal: a virtuous keeper of the hearth, a caring mother, a woman with a lot of moral values ​​who takes care of herself. When a man meets such a woman, it would seem that he should marry her as soon as possible! But ah! He quickly gets bored with such a lady. Because it turns out that another ideal woman "lives" in the man's head! This is a priestess of love, bright and sexy. Which is devoid of complexes, is in harmony with its body, is ready to give love and is open to sexual pleasures and experiments.

Pay off... with yourself?

So, what should the ladies do when the representatives of the stronger sex behave with them in the way that the reader Irina described ?!

When a man only meets an attractive woman, his natural mechanism immediately works: to get in touch with her as soon as possible, to master, to know completely. During this period, he absolutely sincerely believes: physical intimacy is exactly what he needs now! He does not think then "leave" the woman and "accused of debauchery."

But, if almost at the second meeting he satisfies a deep need for rapprochement, he has doubts: “Somehow everything turned out too quickly ...” And he even experiences some disappointment: civilization is civilization, but no one canceled the hunter's instinct ...

Today, the so-called "morning syndrome" is widespread: two almost strangers wake up in bed after a stormy night and, looking at each other, experience not yesterday's passion, but ... some kind of awkwardness. In terms of numbers, on a 10-point scale, their physical closeness has already reached 10, and emotional closeness - only 2-3 points. In such cases, it is difficult for a man to cope with embarrassment and he wants to run away. Therefore, after sex, a woman does not need to call first, and even more so blame him for "getting his own and gone." By doing this, you will not only not help the cause, but will further exacerbate men's doubts about continuing the relationship with you. Remember: if he took a break, your pressure can push him even more. But, if you already decide to call, communicate without any claims and anguish.

- It is desirable that a man invest something in a woman before he gets sex,- says Anetta Orlova. - In the biological environment, everything is clear: for a young male to receive the location of the female, he must bring her food. In our case, investments are not monetary investments, but emotional, temporary ones. A man should feel that he is conquering a woman.

By the way, it's a big problem when a girl enters into sexual relations not because she wants a man, but because she is uncomfortable to refuse. It seems to many that if a man invited her to a restaurant, she should pay with something. This is complete nonsense. And women also go for quick sex for fear of losing a fan. Hearing "I want you! Why postpone?”, the woman wants to please the man so that he does not go to another. This is also complete nonsense - you need to have sex when BOTH want it.

■ Don't take the masculine words "we like each other so much, why put it off" so literally. In fact, by offering sex, he doesn't count on it at all!

■ Use improvised and often funny methods to prolong the courtship period.

- The easiest and, in addition, a win-win way is to make sure that under no circumstances will you yourself want to sleep with him says the psychologist. - How? For example, put on simple and diverse (from different sets) underwear! Or trousers, and under them - torn tights ... In such a situation, not a single self-respecting woman, even at the peak of arousal, would never allow physical intimacy, so as not to lose face. Or, going on a first date, you need to deliberately limit the time, they say, you have to go somewhere later. It is desirable to say something pleasant for male ears. Not "I'm going to pull out a tooth," but "on Fridays I have classes - belly dancing." Do not agree to "come for a minute to visit." Answer with humor: “Listen, we are adults and we understand what it means to “drink tea”. I like you, but I need time to get to know you."

And the last thing: if you did not follow all these recommendations and nevertheless rushed into the abyss of passion, then please, relax! No need to say in the middle of the process: "I'm not like that." Have fun. Men appreciate such women. ( See ideal #2.) Well, we'll talk about sexual experiments in one of the following issues.

Speech is what betrays men in the first place. They know how to lie, they are able to come up with a legend and never make a mistake on the mismatch of small details, but it is ordinary, daily conversations that give them away. He will, of course, use the pronoun "we" because it is indispensable, but it will always be said about the near future: "Are we going to the cinema tomorrow? Or how?" But not: "When we go to the sea, we..." There is no "we" in conjunction with "when". Because never.

He doesn't talk about his childhood

Because it is, firstly, too intimate. And, secondly, any hint of a children's theme is a taboo for him. Just because he doesn't plan on having any children with you, which means there's no point in giving you food for thought on the subject at all. And if you ask - and you will ask, because you yourself probably already told him something about your childhood - he will answer that childhood was the most ordinary and there is nothing to remember at all. Can you imagine a boy who spent his childhood in such a way that there is nothing to remember about them? Here we are not.

He does not forget his things with you and returns yours to you.

There are two versions of the reasons for this behavior, and neither is better. Both are worse. First, we, like animals, "mark the territory", leaving little things that are associated with our presence. And the fact is that if your "marks" do not make a man nervous, then he very quickly ceases to notice them. That is, he sees your lipstick on the shelf in the bathroom, perhaps it even annoys him, because it comes to hand, but it would not occur to him to take a tube and carry it in his pocket until the next meeting. Simply because he will forget to either take it or give it away. If he remembers this, then "the case is a pipe." The second option is absolutely logical, without any reference to our instincts: forgotten things are an excuse for an extra meeting that he does not need.

He doesn't ask you serious questions

Not the slightest hint of talking “for life”: he is not interested in your family, your hobbies, your friends and your experiences. He talks only about what is happening at the moment with both of you. He can discuss with you the movie you just watched, but he will never ask who your favorite director is and why. If you yourself start a conversation about what is bothering you, he will support it in exactly the way so as not to be involved in the problem. That is, he will sympathize, but will not offer help.

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He doesn't help you "like a man"

Whether we like it or not, some small household chores are still divided into typically feminine and typically masculine. This system works, and we turn to it daily: if you need help preparing a festive dinner, you will most likely call a friend, and if your tap suddenly broke or another gadget collapsed, you will most likely ask a man for help. So, this man will refuse you. He will refuse with a completely logical wording: he does not understand anything about this, let the professionals do their job. But a man who is in the mood for a serious relationship wants to show his young lady that you can rely on him in everything, even if his hands do not grow from where they are supposed to. Therefore, he will take a tool and pick the unfortunate pipe until one of them breaks: either he or the pipe. A man who does not have serious intentions does not care about all these “marriage games”. He is not going to prove to you that he is the coolest and most reliable male here.

He gives you gifts that you can give any other girl

Flowers, candy, spooky makeup baskets. Everything that can be given to any girl at any time. It doesn't have the slightest interest in your personality, really. It is clear that at the beginning of a relationship it is hard to guess what will delight you, because we girls are very different: give one a pendant with an emerald, and the other a certificate for a parachute jump. But a man in love is able to remember the name of your favorite author, the brand of your favorite perfume, or at least your taste preferences. But it's in love. And this one is not. This one will bring milk chocolate and roses. Because it will do.

He is always busy

Always. There has never been a case that you called, and he did not turn off the conversation, citing urgent business. He never answers SMS and messages on social networks immediately, he does not pick up the phone, although you know that right now he got into a taxi and he has absolutely nothing to do there. Then he will apologize, tell that he could not answer in any way, forgot to turn on the sound, or something else happened to him. But in fact, he just teaches you that it is he who will decide when you communicate. One day, you'll just lose the habit of calling him yourself. And on another fine day, he will not call himself - well, that's all, in fact. Like there was nothing.

Many women at a certain point in their relationship with a man have a question about his true intentions, especially when there is understatement, misunderstanding and uncertainty in the relationship.

Many women at a certain point in their relationship with a man have a question about his true intentions, especially when there is understatement, misunderstanding and uncertainty in the relationship.

This is natural and understandable, because not in all cases a man immediately directly declares his desire to marry and live in sorrow and joy until his death with you. And even in cases where a man directly declares this on a second date, the truth may not be so flattering and attractive.

What does he really want? How to understand what meaning a man puts in your relationship

In any case, whether you are madly in love or rationally pursuing your goals, understanding what a man puts into your relationship is important and even necessary. In this context, we can only talk about relationships that have already somehow been identified ... and not only in your imagination.

Judging the true intentions of a man by the first impression of communicating with him is just as reckless as judging the quality of a lecture by the appearance of the hall.

First of all, it is worth understanding that a man, even very interested in a serious relationship, at first may not know and clearly understand how he relates to you and what kind of perspective he wants. Only after the flower-bouquet period, when passions subside and the hormonal background returns to normal, you can try to understand what you really mean to him.

There are certain indicators that can shed light on the real situation.

For example, what do we usually do when we really want something to become a part of our life? We invest in this attention and resources.

The world is so arranged that our forces go where our attention is directed. We value and cherish exactly what costs us effort and resources.

Every man (yes, like any person) has the resources of time, health, finances and opportunities.. And also has its own scale of criteria in life. Less and more significant. To determine if your relationship is a priority in his value system, enough to understand what exactly he invests in them. How valuable and important in his life is what he invests. The more valuable his investment is to him, the more meaningful this relationship is to him.

Time regularly spent with you, common plans for the near and more distant future, the desire to help, and not bring your problems to you, the desire to share resources - I clear signs of a serious attitude on the part of a man and the prospects for a joint future.

For example, for a very wealthy man, the small amounts of money that he invests may not be a very significant and valuable investment, in contrast to his time, which he values ​​\u200b\u200bmore highly, and perhaps provides in meager doses.

If, having very little free time, a man seeks to spend every free minute with you, this clearly shows the value of his investment.

Or, if a man, in order to spend an evening with you, cancels important and significant meetings for him, but does not bring you flowers and does not pay for your taxi, he invests a much more significant resource for him than observing the standard date ritual. To understand this, it is enough to determine that time is for him in the reality of his life.

Conversely, an international student who has a lot of free time and modest finances can ask you for hours about how you are doing without giving you anything of special value to him (there is a lot of time), just practicing a foreign language and making contacts.

Most men intuitively understand that in order to have access to a woman, regardless of the seriousness of their intentions, you need to keep her attention. Sometimes men resort to creating the illusion of presence. Primitive options for imitating the presence of a woman in life are texts instead of personal communication, confidential confessions about the difficulties and problems in life, with a sincere hope for a brighter future after they are resolved ... without specifying whether they are joint.

Despite the primitiveness, the technique works! A woman interested in a relationship with a man will definitely feel something - resentment, a desire to help "save", empathy, or simply warm up her feelings with obstacles. It is these ambiguous and non-resourceful feelings that will hold her attention and leave the door open for the “relationship imitator”.

What should be done to reconsider the feasibility of their "investments" in such not always "profitable projects"?

You just need to think about your significant criteria and resources.

Your true relationship needs can be anything.

What is important to you? Without what you will not be happy and harmonious?

It is worth admitting to yourself how things really are.

Is attention and reliability important to you? Is that what they don't offer you?

Do you need financial support and regular meetings? - They talk heart to heart with you for a long time and share secrets and problems ...., but are they in no hurry to meet and financially support?

They take away your attention and do not give back what is important to you.

It happens that a man simply does not understand the true needs of a woman and does not want to guess and rack his brains, thinking about it.

In such cases, it is worth reporting them openly. It has nothing to do with consumer position.

Satisfying the needs in a relationship should be plans and perspectives, and not a bonus for patience and adjusting to other people's interests.

A woman who broadcasts that she doesn’t need anything and who is “all by herself, if anything” is taken literally by a man. Do you need to give anything?, ok. So what to do? It remains to take. Attention, time, effort, many do not disdain financial support from women.

Each person, both a woman and a man, has a unique set of characteristics and individual significant criteria. It is very important for everyone to really get to know themselves before starting a relationship.

Determine your needs, priorities, mandatory items, without which you cannot feel happy - this is the first and important step towards building a successful relationship. What is clear and obvious to oneself is easy to convey to another person.

When a woman in her dreams of a relationship is limited only by the appearance and financial situation of a man, the chances of a happy materialization of a dream are extremely small, because the basis of harmonious relationships is usually made up of other and sometimes more significant qualities.

To build a long-term relationship with a man, it is very important to understand what is significant for him and what is not important. What are his relationship needs? It is the understanding of his significant criteria and priorities that will be the key to the possibility of a harmonious happy relationship with him.

A common female misconception that a man will change as soon as you marry him can lead to disappointment. Do not overestimate your ability to influence the character and habits of another person.

Turning to a psychoanalyst can help you know and understand yourself, realize your needs and typical patterns of behavior. Deal with painful memories and deprive them of power, learn to see other people without the burden of prejudices and fantasies. Work through limiting beliefs and learn to see new ways.published .

Victoria Austin-Anisimova

Have questions - ask them

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Very often, a woman in a relationship is tormented by the question of how serious a man is towards her? He cannot figure out where in his actions there is a border between a pleasant pastime and a deep feeling, a desire to create a strong long-term union. Therefore, let's try to clarify when a man's serious intentions begin - how to understand and support them?

The main female mistake at the initial stages of a relationship is her impatience, haste, desire to quickly get guarantees that she does not waste time in vain, on a relationship "without a future." Because of this, she takes promises, beautiful deeds, an abundance of attention for seriousness. I suggest separating the wheat from the chaff.

Do you know what secret words will help to fall in love with a man very quickly?

To find out, click on the button below and watch the video until the end.

The importance of the time factor

No matter how much you want to hurry - it will not work. Love, respect, responsibility for another person are not born instantly. It is strange to expect (and demand) seriousness after several meetings, no matter how well they went.

Therefore, in the first couple of months, you should not think about seriousness at all. No, of course, as long as you get to know each other better, it becomes clear how much a man, in principle, suits you (and you suit him), and it is important and necessary to look at this. But until the relationship has been tested by serious situations (conflicts, for example), while the first passion and tenderness are burning in them, there is no need to look for seriousness in a man. I assure you - it is not in it.

Men “swing” much longer than women, and everything that they do at first is dictated at best by enthusiasm in your direction and the desire to please you, at “worst” (but quite natural) - by the desire to satisfy their passion (in fact, this is far from the worst case.

Did he take you abroad for the weekend? It only means that he wants to go somewhere with you, nothing more. He bought you half a lingerie store, which means that he wants to see it on you, nothing more. Does he pick you up from work every day and take you to expensive restaurants? It means he wants you to eat well and be safe and spend more time together, nothing more.

Now about the depth of communication, this is also important. Do you know how he lives, what he dreams about? Whether to share his difficulties, whether he asks for advice. Tells what he will do in your absence. Simply put, is the intimacy in your communication growing, are you becoming important and necessary for him? Actually, if this is so, the main thing is that it depends on you that his intentions become serious, you did.

How to find the key to a man's heart? Use secret words that will help you conquer it.

If you want to know what to say to a man in order to charm him, click on the button below and watch the video until the end.

What are the serious intentions of a man

Three main markers allow you to define. That a man is serious about a woman. She admires him, and he cannot contain his admiration (although they have been together for more than a month). He wants to take care and takes care of her, tries to make her life better in all aspects. He is afraid of losing her - expressed in jealousy, the manifestation of possessive feelings in other ways. These are the three main psychological bases.

If a woman has doubts about the serious intentions of a man, as a rule, they are not unfounded. That is, if enough time has passed since the start of the relationship, and during the first three to five months they have not fallen apart, by this time the man begins to understand what he feels in relation to his beloved, what he wants. And it starts to broadcast, consciously and unconsciously.

Actions, words, all your attitude. A woman does not have questions whether a man is serious if he is serious. In such cases, he is attentive to her emotional state, takes care of her, helps. If there is no respect for you or your feelings in his behavior, if a man constantly shows neglect, looks for reasons to quarrel, provokes or manipulates you - this is a reason to think.

What to do if a man has no serious intentions, but he does not let go

It is important to understand the wording here. What does "do not let go" mean? Do you put into these words the meaning that he continues to see you when he wants to, or disappear without explanation, behaves in such a way as to keep you “on a short leash”, but all of the above does not happen (care - interest - fear)?

He behaves the way you let him behave. You hope that something may change in his attitude towards you, and you are waiting for this. But it is not he who does not let you go, but you do not let him go. It doesn’t suit you with what is happening (he, as I understand it, everything is in order), but you continue to meet with him.

Clearly state your desires to him (if you think you are wrong, and he is already choosing an engagement ring for you), and see what he will do with them. If a man's intentions are serious, your desires are important to him. Like your condition, your joy and good mood.

Has anything changed in his attitude towards you and actions in your direction? I think everything is obvious, and the question of whether this man has serious intentions and what kind to understand them disappears.

What to do if a man has no serious intentions

The main recommendation that can be given in such a situation is to stop deceiving yourself. That he will change, that he has not yet seen how wonderful you are. Or that he will come to his senses if you become even more wonderful. Many women are drawn into long-term relationships with men who do not choose them to the end, without serious intentions, the desire to start a family with them. They even agree to live with them, give them warmth, care, sex.

They are driven by fear. Loneliness, the fact that another meeting will not happen. For years they deceive themselves that he will appreciate everything, realize and change. Do not do that. Don't settle for being with a man who doesn't take you seriously and doesn't hide it. This is detrimental to a woman, and in 99 cases out of a hundred it ends with the man choosing someone else.

And even if he does not choose, their life together turns into a very sad sight. Because in this situation neither he nor she can be happy, they remain unsatisfied. He has the one that is given, she has the one that is received.

Finally

Take your time to judge a man's intentions in the early stages of a relationship. Time needs to pass. As the relationship develops, this issue will clear up by itself. If a man starts taking you seriously, you will feel it. He will take care of you in all plans, become your close person and gradually you will develop. If this does not happen, you will feel it too, and the main thing here is not to deceive yourself, and not to think that everything will change with time.

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In order to recognize the intentions of a man and find out that a young man is sincerely in love and is going to build a joint future, a girl should look at her partner very carefully. Then she will be able to see some signs in the behavior that will indicate his plans. When a woman receives important answers to her questions, she will be able to feel much more confident and begin to trust her lover.

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How to understand the intentions of a man?

To understand the intentions of a man, you should forget about feelings and analyze the behavior of a partner. You should give up heart impulses and sensibly assess the current situation. You need to pay attention to the actions and words of the young man. Do not embellish events and try to wishful thinking.

You should observe how the companion treats other women. If he does not pay attention to them, then he does not need anyone except his girlfriend. When a man finds someone with whom he would like a serious relationship, he stops flirting with the rest.

A few signs that will help understand the seriousness of the guy's intentions:

1. 1. A serious-minded young man will quickly introduce the chosen one to people close to him: friends and parents. It is necessary to take into account his behavior towards the lady in the company, to analyze how he introduces her to his comrades.
2. 2. If a guy finds his only woman, then after a while he will invite her to his parents' house. He will show a desire to meet her relatives, reporting that they are future relatives. These actions ensure that the girl has an important place in the heart of a young man.
3. 3. Most often, men are secretive personalities who keep painful topics and experiences in themselves. If the chosen one opens his soul to the girl and begins to tell her about personal problems, he takes her seriously.
4. 4. If a man often starts a conversation about a joint future, makes plans for a future life with his beloved, or talks about children, then he wants a serious relationship.
5. 5. A guy who appreciates his beloved will try to spend a lot of time with her (always walking together or just being at home with her). This suggests that he is as comfortable as possible with this lady and he is not looking for other options.

Behavior that betrays frivolous intentions

A man who is not going to build a serious relationship with a girl will often arrange secret meetings and try not to introduce her to friends. He will not always answer calls and SMS. Sometimes he avoids meetings and comes up with many excuses not to stay close to a woman.

If he constantly communicates with other girls too closely, then he treats his companion as a friend.

Much can be determined by how a young man behaves if a girl asks to wait a little with an intimate relationship. If he tries to hint or says directly that he wants to move to the next level faster, he is unlikely to make distant plans. Some guys may report a breakup if they don't get what they want. You should not consider such people as life partners.

If a man at the beginning of a relationship at meetings constantly talks only about himself (about friends, hobbies and problems), then he sees in front of him not his beloved girl, but an interlocutor to whom he can speak out and, with the help of this, ease his soul. A guy whose intentions are serious will not immediately tell everything about himself, because he does not want to scare a woman.

Anyone who likes to show off and report on achievements just wants to seem like a real macho who can handle everything in order to persuade the chosen one to have an intimate relationship.

Communication by correspondence

If a man tries to find new topics for dialogue in correspondence, he is afraid to lose a girl and he tries to interest her in communication. He constantly asks her to talk about herself and asks about how her day went.

Sometimes a young man regrets that the girl was not around at any time. He will compare her with others, saying that such good, smart and beautiful no longer exist. A man will definitely try to spend as much time with her as possible, he will constantly write and call. For the next meeting in the social network, he will find the Internet anywhere in the world.

If he does not seek to communicate, constantly disappears, sometimes forgets to answer messages and most often tries to talk about intimate topics, then the guy does not take his chosen one seriously.

The behavior of men in love of different zodiac signs

Behavior that betrays serious intentions in men of different zodiac signs is described in the table: