Fairy tale sharp bad advice. Oster Grigory Bentsionovich. Bad advice. I dare to suggest that the works of Grigory Oster, like postmodernism in general, are aimed at breaking the socio-cultural code of the Russian citizen

New Year is the most fun and most children's holiday. Even adults are not afraid to look ridiculous in red Santa Claus hats and with a bunch of gifts. What can we say about the children, who in this joyful mess are trying to participate in all matters! The main attributes of the New Year are Santa Claus and a Christmas tree. Traditionally, a large Christmas tree is decorated with toys and tinsel, round dances are danced around it. But what if you make an unconventional Christmas tree? A beautiful do-it-yourself paper Christmas tree will not pretend to be the centerpiece, but it can decorate a nursery or become a souvenir gift. Believe me, such a Christmas tree will find a use for itself.

A Christmas tree is made from paper, cardboard, colored and corrugated paper, tinsel and any other materials at hand. It is easy and fun to do: the kids take part in the work with great pleasure. Two-year-old children, for example, can roll up plasticine balls, which then become a toy, or glue a small piece in the place indicated by adults. And the memories of the joint craft will last for several days.

There are at least a dozen ways to make a paper Christmas tree with your own hands, but in any case, you will need:

• Paper (colored, corrugated, thick - whatever)
• ruler pencil
• Glue and stapler
• Scissors
• Sometimes a compass

Model No. 1. Volumetric paper Christmas tree

First, the base of the Christmas tree is made - a cone. If the tree is planned to be large, the cone is made of whatman paper (it can be replaced with four A4 sheets glued together). The center is marked in the center of the wide side, we draw lines from it to the two lower corners, cut it off (do not forget to leave an allowance for gluing), cut off the semicircular base, glue it, check whether it is even. On this basis - a cone - you can make several different options for Christmas trees. You can get a big Christmas tree out of paper if you make a large cone, and a small one on a small cone. And different ways of making needles will generally mislead: it may seem that these are different Christmas trees.

To make the blank cone look like a Christmas tree, we make needles from colored paper. Traditionally, the needles are green, but it can be assumed that there is snow or frost on the branches - the choice of color is up to you. We outline the rectangles: for the lower needles, the width of the rectangle is 7 cm. We make a trapezoid from the rectangle: the upper side is cut off. The wide side is folded into a triangle and fastened with a stapler or glue, it is convenient to glue the top to the cone.

Volumetric needles can be replaced with circles glued to the top. If you cut circles of different shades of green, the tree will look more original.

The needles are glued in rows, starting from the bottom. To make the Christmas tree look beautiful, every three rows we reduce the size of the needles. That is, we first draw rectangles of 6.5 cm, then 6 cm and 5 cm. We draw the top of the Christmas tree with a small cone, the bottom of which we cut with triangles. If desired, the Christmas tree is decorated with sparkles. You can use ready-made sparkles, you can finely chop the tinsel. Apply glue to the needles and sprinkle glitter on them.

The second version of the Christmas tree-cone

We build a frame, cut thin short strips from colored paper, wind each strip on a pencil. The stripes take on a twisted look. With a certain skill, you can twist the strips of paper with scissors: gently draw the blade of open scissors from one end of the strip to the other, while pulling the strip. Glue the twisted strips to the cone. You can decorate the Christmas tree with anything: sparkles, bows, balls, stars.

The third version of the Christmas tree-cone

Glue drop needles onto the prepared frame. We make needles from strips of green (or any other) paper, glue their ends together - we get a drop. Glue larger drops at the bottom of the cone, smaller ones at the top.

The fourth version of the Christmas tree-cone

Wide strips of paper cut into fringes are glued to the base. Again, the strips are wider at the bottom (respectively, the needles are longer), at the top the strips are narrower. The color of the needles can be any: green will make it natural, multi-colored - decorative. We cut the strips into small “needles”, not cutting to the end about 1.5-2 cm. After the glue dries, the needles can be bent upwards - carefully draw a scissor blade from the base of the needles to the ends. Such a Christmas tree made of corrugated paper will look beautiful.

Model number 2. Christmas tree made of paper and cardboard

Cardboard will need double-sided. We fold a sheet of cardboard in half, draw the outline of the Christmas tree. We draw exactly the same contour on another sheet. We cut out both contours, then we make cuts along the axis to the middle: on one Christmas tree from above, on the other from below. We insert the parts into each other. We decorate with tinsel, balls (glass or paper), sparkles - anything. In the photo - slotted toys.

A similar Christmas tree can be made from colored paper. It will require 4 sheets. Fold each sheet in half, cut out a triangle. The resulting parts are glued together and cut at an angle of the needle. You need to twist them before the glue has dried.

Model number 3. Christmas tree made of colored paper

For this model, you will need thick paper. It is done simply: cut out a triangle, fold it with an accordion, make a through hole into which we insert a stick-rod. To make the Christmas tree stable, the stick can be inserted, for example, into an eraser. Such a Christmas tree can become a small souvenir or decorate the workplace. She will definitely create a New Year's mood.

Model number 4. Christmas tree in papercraft technique

How such a Christmas tree is made of paper, the diagram shows clearly. It is necessary to cut several circles of different diameters (the bottom of the Christmas tree - from circles of a larger diameter, the top - from circles of a smaller one). Circles are drawn and cut, needles are folded. Finished tiers are strung on a rod. We decorate the Christmas tree with sparkles, beads, foil bows - the fantasy is limitless.

Model number 5. folding herringbone

For such a Christmas tree, several circles of different diameters are cut. The diameter and number of circles depends on the desired size of the Christmas tree. Fold each circle in half 4 times, unfold and straighten the circles. The trunk of the Christmas tree can be made from an old pencil, a straw for a cocktail, a wooden stick - all this is wrapped in colored paper, the tip is glued. In the center of each circle we cut a small hole (it should be smaller than the diameter of the trunk in order to hold on tighter). Circles-tiers are strung on the trunk, starting from the bottom. A Christmas tree stand can be made from a wooden coil, cork, plastic bottle cap, plasticine, glued from thick paper.

Model No. 6. Paper origami - Christmas tree

In this popular technique, you can make any figures, including Christmas trees. How a paper tree is made using the origami technique, the video will demonstrate better than any words. We offer two options.

But the third option is more difficult.

Model No. 7. Christmas tree in a hurry.

For this Christmas tree you will need a color printer, paper, scissors with glue, hands and a few minutes of free time. We print a Christmas tree template from paper, cut it out, fold it, glue it.

The Christmas tree is, of course, the main attribute of the most important winter holiday. It will not be possible to do without the forest beauty, the atmosphere is not the same, and where does the good grandfather put the gifts? It so happened that a Christmas tree is decorated in the house for the New Year holidays: someone puts a live one, someone prefers an artificial one, and someone paper.

A paper Christmas tree can not only replace a needle tree, but can also be used as a Christmas tree toy, a unique gift for relatives, or just decorate your office desktop, reminding you of the upcoming weekend!

We have collected for you the most interesting options for paper Christmas trees that you can make yourself.

See more paper crafts:

Time inexorably runs forward and now white flies are flying outside the window, slowly sinking to the ground and covering everything around with a snow-white fluffy veil. However, despite the cold, the soul is warm and joyful. And all because suddenly appeared snowflakes herald the onset of the New Year. The most important holiday of the year is already very close, which means it's time to think […]

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Of all the variety of bright, colorful and sincere holidays, perhaps the most beloved and long-awaited is the New Year. Thanks to this holiday, the whole family can get together, relax and have fun. But it's not only that. The New Year is wrapped in a special atmosphere, which is created by festive decorations in the interior. You can start planning preparations for the New Year's Eve in advance. For this […]

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New Year is the most favorite holiday of the smallest residents of the house. Do not deprive them of their joy and together make a beautiful decor. For such a Christmas tree, you will need thick paper for the base, a lot of colored paper circles, and glue.

And here is another paper forest beauty that children can handle making. Well, joint creativity with parents - what could be better for little fidgets!

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Not a single New Year passes without a green beauty. It fits perfectly into the holiday decor and is a wonderful winter gift. In this article we will look at: how to make a Christmas tree for the New Year in different creative ways with your own hands.

You will need: copper pipes or wooden smooth sticks, green fringe 15 cm wide, thin wire, paper, pompom garland, ruler, pliers, thin-bladed hacksaw, glue gun, scissors.

Master Class

1. Cut the fringe into 5 pieces of this size: 45 cm, 35 cm, 25 cm, 15 cm and 5 cm. Cut copper tubes with a hacksaw, the same size as the fringe.
   
   
2. Glue the fringe to the tubes.
3. Prepare a long piece of thin wire and thread it into a 45 cm tube in such a way that both ends of the wire are the same.
   
   
4. Pass the ends of the wire through the 35 cm tube so that the right end of the wire is on the left and the left on the right. String the rest of the fringed tubes onto the wire in the same way.
   
   
5. Glue on a pompom garland.
   
   
6. Make a star this way: prepare 2 squares with sides of 10 cm, fold them like an accordion, glue the top edges of each blank, then glue the 2 blanks together to form a circle.
   
   
7. Glue the star to the top of the tree, attach a wire hook and hang the tree.

The fringe tree is ready!

You will need: ice cream sticks, ruler, scissors, paints, glue gun, rope, decoration elements - stars, rhinestones, pompons, tinsel.

Master Class

Christmas trees from ice cream sticks are ready!

You will need: Christmas balls with fastening in the form of loops, fishing line, scissors, round nose pliers, chain, metal grill, carabiner (connecting link for hanging the Christmas tree).

Master Class

creative Christmas tree

You will need: toilet paper or paper towel rolls, scissors, glue gun, paints, sponge, decoration elements - shiny ribbon, rhinestones, sequins ...

Master Class

The Christmas tree from the bushings is ready!

You will need: thick shiny green paper, pencil, hole punch, ruler, decoration elements - asterisk, rhinestones, beads, thick thread ...

Master Class

Christmas tree box is ready!

You will need: thick cardboard, scissors, wrapping paper, double-sided tape, various decorations - beads, bows, stars.

Master Class

You will need: scrapbooking paper, compasses, scissors, wooden sticks, glue, candlesticks and caps, white paint.

Master Class

The original Christmas tree is ready!

You will need: cardboard, scissors, hole punch, glue, yarn, needle, pencil, ruler, spray snow and glitter (optional).

Master Class

1. Print out the Christmas tree template and cut out 8 pieces of cardboard.
   
2. Fold each blank in half and make holes with a hole punch along the edge of each blank.
   
   
3. Glue 8 blanks together, forming a Christmas tree.
   
   
4. Decorate the Christmas tree with snow.
   
   
5. Sew the edges of the Christmas tree with yarn, as shown in the image.
   
   
6. Cut out a star from cardboard, decorate with sparkles and attach to the top of the Christmas tree.
   
   

You will need: green felt, foam cone, glue gun, scissors, pencil, star.

Master Class

The felt tree is ready!

You will need: paper, stationery knife, scissors, hole punch, thread, template.

Master Class

hanging Christmas tree

You will need: colored paper, saucepan lid, simple pencil, scissors, tape, thread, needle.

Master Class

1. Circle the lid on a piece of paper.
2. Cut out the circle.
3. Cut off a quarter of the circle, then tape the edges together.
4. Make 3 blanks in this way.
5. String the workpieces on a thread, forming a Christmas tree, fix each workpiece with a knot.

Hanging Christmas tree is ready!

You will need: magazine, decoration elements - stars, rain ...

Master Class

Christmas tree from the magazine is ready!

You will need: cardboard, strawberry, chocolate.

Master Class

1. Make a cardboard cone.
2. Melt the chocolate in a water bath.
3. Attach the strawberries to the cone using the hot chocolate as glue.
4. Draw an asterisk with chocolate, wait for it to harden and decorate the top of the strawberry Christmas tree.

Strawberry tree is ready!

You will need: scrapbooking paper, a white sheet of cardboard, twine, glue, decoration elements - buttons, an asterisk.

Master Class

1. Twist the scrap paper tubes.
2. Adjust the length of each tube and lay out the Christmas tree.
3. Glue the tubes.
4. Make a Christmas tree leg out of twine.
5. Glue buttons and a star to decorate.

You will need: foam cone, red and green ribbons, safety pins, scissors, felt, glue, golden bow.

Master Class

1. Cut out a circle of felt the size of the diameter of the base of the cone, then glue it.
2. Prepare pieces of ribbon of the same size.
3. Form a loop from a piece of ribbon, strung on a safety pin. Repeat the same process with all segments.
4. Attach the eyelet pins to the foam cone, placing them in circles, alternating colors.
5. Attach a bow to the top of the tree.

Ribbon tree is ready!

You will need: green and brown felt, yellow floss thread, needle, ruler, scissors, pencil, small star.

Master Class

1. Cut out 25 squares from green felt (5 squares each with sides - 1,2,3,4 and 5 cm).
2. Cut out 5 small brown felt circles.
3. Prepare a thread with a needle, and tie a knot at the end.
4. String circles as a tree trunk.
5. String squares, starting with the largest, ending with the smallest.
6. Decorate the top with a star.

The felt mini Christmas tree is ready!

You will need: 3 drawing paper, tape measure, adhesive tape, glue, scissors, green and brown corrugated paper, decoration.

Master Class

1. Connect 2 whole paper and half of the third using tape.
2. Draw a triangle with a height of 180 cm, as shown in the image.
3. Cut it out.
4. Prepare strips of corrugated paper 20 cm wide, then make a fringe.
5. Paste the entire triangle with stripes, starting from the bottom - rising up.
6. Cut out a rectangle for the trunk and cover it with brown fringe.
7. Attach the Christmas tree to the wall and decorate as you like.

The New Year and this festive fuss bring back wonderful memories. For children, the time for gifts of sweets and holidays. In general, this is probably the most favorite holiday for most people. When the whole earth is strewn with silvery snow, and the house smells of a Christmas tree and tangerines.

Each family has its own traditions, someone goes on vacation, someone goes to visit the older generation. But what unites everyone is that for the new year there should be a Christmas tree in the house, and it doesn’t matter if it is live or artificial. From childhood, I remember this sacrament of dressing the Christmas tree in elegant multi-colored toys.

How to beautifully decorate an apartment for the new year with your own hands?

But if everything is clear with the Christmas tree, then how beautifully will the apartment be decorated for the new year? We have already published an article on our website about Christmas decorations in the form of snowflakes. Today we will share with you the secret of how to beautifully decorate a house with your own hands, using paper Christmas trees.

I think many of the readers know several ways to make a Christmas tree. It is not at all difficult to make one Christmas tree, it can take only a couple of minutes. And what to do there, cut out blanks, fastened, and you're done. This is indeed true, but we have found several options for you on how to make this Christmas tree even more colorful and interesting.

How to make a very beautiful large Christmas tree out of paper?

We are all accustomed to small desktop Christmas trees made of paper, but we suggest thinking more broadly, you can make a very beautiful large Christmas tree and decorate it, for example, with garlands. Yes, everything is not as simple here as with small ones, but still such paper Christmas trees look very beautiful. A large Christmas tree should be made of very thick cardboard, so it will be more reliable. After you have cut out everything you did for the future Christmas tree, you can cover it with paint. There is only your imagination here, you can make it green, white and even black. It all depends on the interior.

We also picked up several options for how to make a small Christmas tree out of paper. These instructions are very simple and clear that even a child can handle them. In our article you will find how to make a variety of Christmas trees, very simple and quite complex, we also found several options for how to make an origami Christmas tree. Lots of great ideas for your creativity.

New Year paper crafts

New Year's paper crafts are something comparable to a ceremony. Like, for example, during this New Year's period, you need to have time to eat sweet tangerines, walk along a snowy street, drink fragrant cocoa, watch some kind of New Year's movie or cartoon, and undoubtedly make a New Year's paper craft. This joyful fuss should not deprive you of the pleasure of enjoying this wonderful and fun period. When gray boring streets are decorated with New Year's garlands and cities begin to shine with hundreds of lights. You need to be able to just stop and breathe in the frosty air of winter, and enjoy this wonderful time.

Also, our article will be useful for children of primary school age. Our ideas will come in handy for you to implement your paper Christmas crafts. At labor lessons, children often make interesting crafts in the New Year theme.

The simplest paper Christmas tree

All you need to do is cut out paper, preferably thick cardboard, two identical parts. And cut them in the middle, as shown in the picture. It remains only to connect them and decorate.

Christmas tree origami

You'll need:

• One sheet of paper;
• Scissors

Let's start making a Christmas tree

1. We need to take a square sheet of paper and fold it in half on each side, Figure 1;
2. Fold a sheet of paper in half, in front of you is a rectangle, connect the upper right and left corners inside the figure to make a triangle, Figure 2;
3. Before you is a triangle, connect the right and left corners in the middle, Figure 3;
4. Now you need to wrap the bent corner in the other direction, as shown in Figure 4, the same thing needs to be done with the other corner;
5. Repeat the same steps with the other side of the triangle, Figure 6;
6. Take scissors and cut off unnecessary parts, figure 7,8,9;
7. Ready.

Volumetric simple Christmas tree made of paper

This is also a very simple way to make a Christmas tree, but such a paper beauty looks very stylish and beautiful. What we need is to cut out Christmas trees from thick cardboard, there should be 6 of them. When you cut the blanks, cut them in the indicated places and connect them. Ready.

Volumetric multilayer Christmas tree made of paper

To make this Christmas tree out of paper, you need to cut out blanks of different sizes from colored paper, such as shown in the figure. A large workpiece for the base, and decreasing the size of the workpiece towards the top. When everything is ready, you need to wrap the protruding parts into a cone, as shown in the figure. The next step is to assemble the tree and decorate it.

Christmas tree made of snowflakes

We have already told. What we need to make a Christmas tree:

• Snowflakes made of paper of different sizes, the more there are, the more magnificent the Christmas tree will turn out;
• Scissors;
• Glue;
• beads;
• Wooden or metal stick for the base;
• Pot.

1. Prepare snowflakes;
2. Take the base and put snowflakes on it, alternating snowflake then bead. Fix the elements with glue;
3. When the Christmas tree is ready, fix it in a pot so that the pot is not empty, fill it with rain;
4. Ready.

Lacy Christmas tree made of paper

For this type of paper craft, you will need to stencil blanks and connect them. And you will get a wonderful composition of the winter forest.

Small Christmas tree made of small details

To make this Christmas tree you will need:

• Many small circles, or details of a different shape;
• Cone;
• Glue;
• Scissors.

To make such a Christmas tree is very simple, just stick the blanks of the circles on the Christmas tree and you're done.

title: Buy the book "Bad advice. A book for naughty children and their parents": feed_id: 5296 pattern_id: 2266 book_author: Grigory Oster book_name: Bad advice. A book for naughty children and their parents

A book for naughty children and their parents

Obedient children are not allowed to read!

Recently, scientists have discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: "Wash in the morning" - they take and do not wash. They are told: "Hello to each other" - they immediately begin not to say hello. Scientists came up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do the opposite, and it will turn out just right.

This book is for naughty children

lost child

Must remember that it

Take you home as soon as

He will name his address.

Gotta act smarter

Say: "I live

Near a palm tree with a monkey

On distant islands.

Lost child

If he's not stupid

Don't miss the right opportunity

Visit different countries.

Hands never anywhere

Don't touch anything.

Don't get mixed up in anything

And don't go anywhere.

Step aside silently

Stand humble in a corner

And stand quietly, without moving,

Until your old age.

Who did not jump from the window

Together with my mother's umbrella,

That dashing skydiver

Doesn't count yet.

Don't fly like a bird

Above the excited crowd

Don't put him in the hospital

With a bandaged leg.

If the whole family swim

You went to the river

Don't interfere with mom and dad

Sunbathing on the beach.

Don't make a cry

Let adults rest.

without touching anyone,

Try to drown.

There is no more pleasant occupation

What to pick in the nose.

Everyone is terribly interested

What is hidden inside.

Who hates to look

Let him not look.

We do not climb into his nose,

Let him not come.

If your mother caught you

For what you love,

For example, for drawing

In the hallway on the wallpaper

Explain to her what it is

Your surprise for March 8th.

The painting is called:

"Dear mommy portrait."

Don't take someone else's

Strangers are looking at you.

Let them close their eyes

Or they'll go out for a while.

And why be afraid of your own!

They won't talk about their own.

Let them look. Grab someone else's

And take him to yours.

Never stupid questions

Don't ask yourself

And not even more stupid

You will find the answer to them.

If stupid questions

Appeared in my head

Ask them immediately to adults.

Let them brainstorm.

visit often

Theater buffet.

There are cream cakes

Bubble water.

Like firewood on plates

Chocolates are lying

And through the tube

Drink a milkshake.

Don't ask for tickets

To the balcony and to the stalls,

Let them give you tickets

To the theater cafeteria.

Leaving the theater

Take it with you

Under a trembling heart

In the stomach, a sandwich.

Born a girl - be patient

Footboards and kicks.

And substitute pigtails for everyone,

Who pull them is not averse.

But sometime later

Show them the cookie

And you say: "Figures, for you

I won't get married!"

If you and your friends are together

Have fun in the yard

And in the morning they put on you

Your new coat

It's not worth crawling in puddles

And roll on the ground

And climb the fences

hanging on nails.

So as not to spoil and not to dirty

Your new coat

We need to make it old.

This is done like this:

Get right into the puddle

Roll on the ground

And a little on the fence

Hang on nails.

Will be old very soon

Your new coat

Now you can calmly

Have fun in the yard.

You can safely crawl in puddles

And roll on the ground

And climb the fences

hanging on nails.

If you're down the hall

Ride your bike

And towards you from the bathroom

Dad went out for a walk

Don't turn into the kitchen

The kitchen has a solid refrigerator.

Brake better in dad.

Dad is soft. He will forgive.

If you are forever rallied,

Illuminated and lead

Don't try to dodge

From movement to celebration.

Will raise to work anyway

And inspire to a feat

you great and mighty,

And our stronghold.

The main business of your life

Can become any trifle.

You just have to firmly believe

There is nothing more important.

And then it won't hurt

You are neither cold nor hot,

Breathless with delight

Deal with bullshit.

Girls should never

Nowhere to notice.

And don't let them pass

Nowhere and never.

They need to put their feet up

Frighten from around the corner

So that they immediately understand:

You don't care about them.

I met a girl - quickly to her

Show your tongue.

Let her not think

That you are in love with her.

Starting a fight with dad

Starting a fight with mom

Try to surrender to your mother, -

The Pope takes no prisoners.

By the way, ask your mom

Didn't she forget

Prisoners to beat with a belt on the pope

Banned by the Red Cross.

If you are the whole world of violence

Gonna destroy

And at the same time you dream of becoming

Everything without being anything

Feel free to follow us

On the paved road

We are this way for you

We may even give up.

Don't settle for anything

With no one and never

And those who agree with you

Call cowardly.

For this, everyone will start you

Love and respect.

And everywhere you will have

Full of friends.

If there are cockroaches in the kitchen

Marching on the table

And satisfied with the mice

On the floor training battle

So it's time for you

Stop fighting for peace

And throw all your strength

To fight for purity.

If you are going to a friend

Tell your trouble

Grab a friend by the button

Useless - run away

And leave you as a keepsake

This button is a friend.

Better give him a trip

Throw on the floor, sit on top

And then in detail

Tell your trouble.

If you come to friends

Don't say hello to anyone.

Words: "please", "thank you"

Do not tell anybody.

Turn around and ask questions

Don't answer anyone.

And then no one will say

About you, that you are a talker.

If anything happened

And no one is to blame

Don't go there otherwise

You will be guilty.

Hide somewhere on the sidelines.

And then go home.

And about seeing it

Do not tell anybody.

If you didn't buy a cake

And they didn’t take them to the cinema in the evening,

You need to be offended by your parents

And leave without a hat on a cold night.

But not just

Wander the streets

And in the dense dark

Forest to go.

There you immediately wolf

The hungry will meet

And of course quickly

He eats you.

That's when mom and dad find out

They scream, cry and run.

And rush to buy a cake,

And to the movies with you

They will take you in the evening.

See what's going on

In every house at night.

Turning your nose to the wall

Silently adults lie.

They move their lips

In the hopeless darkness

And with closed eyes

The heel is pulled in a dream.

Don't agree to anything

Go to bed at night.

Don't let anyone

Put you to bed.

Do you want

Years of childhood

Spend under the covers

On a pillow, no pants?

There is a sure way to please adults:

In the morning, start yelling and littering,

Eavesdrop, whimper, run around the house

Kick and beg for gifts from everyone.

Be rude, cunning, tease and lie,

And in the evening suddenly stop for an hour, -

And immediately, with a touched smile stroking,

All adults will pat you on the head

And they will say that you are a wonderful boy

And there is no child nicer than you.

If you came to the Christmas tree

Claim your gift right away

Yes, look, no candy

Santa Claus did not heal.

And don't be careless

Bring home leftovers.

How dad and mom jump -

Half will be taken.

If punishment awaits you

For bad behavior

For example, for being in the bathroom

You bathed your cat

Without asking permission

Neither the cat, nor the mother,

I can suggest you a way

How to be saved from punishment.

Bang your head on the floor

Beat your chest with your hands

And weep and shout:

“Ah, why did I torture the cat!?

I deserve a terrible punishment!

My shame can only be redeemed by death!”

It won't even take half a minute.

How, crying with you,

You will be forgiven and, to console,

Run for a sweet cake.

And then calmly cat

You lead by the tail into the bath,

After all, sneaking a cat

Will never be able to.

For example, in your pocket

Turned out to be a handful of sweets

And met you

Your true friends.

Don't be afraid and don't hide

Don't run away

Don't shove all the candy

Together with candy wrappers in the mouth.

Approach them calmly

Without saying too many words

Quickly taking it out of my pocket

Give them… a hand.

Shake their hands firmly

Say goodbye slowly

And turning around the first corner,

Rush home quickly.

To eat sweets at home,

Get under the bed

Because there, of course,

You won't meet anyone.

Take thick cherry juice

And my mother's white coat.

Lei gently juice on the cloak -

A stain will appear.

Now, so that there is no stain

On my mother's coat

The cloak must be put entirely

In thick cherry juice.

Take mother's cherry cloak

And a mug of milk.

Pour milk gently -

A stain will appear.

Now, so that there is no stain

On my mother's coat

The cloak must be put entirely

In a bowl of milk.

Take thick cherry juice

And my mother's white coat.

Lay gently...

If you broke a window

Do not rush to confess.

Wait, it won't start

Suddenly civil war.

Artillery will strike

Glass will fly out everywhere

And no one will scold

For a broken window.

Beat friends without respite

Every day for half an hour

And your muscles

Becomes stronger than a brick.

And with mighty hands

You, when the enemies come

You can in difficult times

Protect your friends.

Never allow

Put yourself a thermometer

And don't swallow pills

And don't eat powders.

Let the stomach and teeth hurt

Throat, ears, head,

Don't take medicine anyway

And don't listen to the doctor.

The heart will stop beating

But for sure

They won't stick a mustard plaster on you

And they won't inject.

If you are in the hospital

And you don't want to lie there

Wait, when to your room

The chief doctor will come.

Bite it - and immediately

Your cure is over

The same evening from the hospital

They'll take you home.

If mom is in the store

I bought you only a ball

And doesn't want the rest

Everything he sees, buy,

Stand up straight, heels together

Spread your arms to the sides

open your mouth wide

And shout the letter "A"!

And when, dropping bags,

With a cry: “Citizens! Anxiety!"

Buyers will rush

With sellers at the head,

The store manager is here

Creep up and tell mom:

"Take everything for free,

Let him just shut up."

When your own mother

Leads to dentists

Don't expect mercy from her

Do not cry in vain.

Be silent, like a captured partisan,

And grit your teeth like that

To not be able to unclench them

Crowd of dentists.

If you stayed at home

Alone without parents

I can offer you

An interesting game

Titled "Courageous Chef"

Or The Brave Cook.

The essence of the game in preparation

All kinds of delicious food.

I suggest to start

Here is such a simple recipe:

Need in daddy's shoes

Pour out mother's perfume

And then these shoes

Apply shaving cream

And pouring them with fish oil

With black ink in half,

Throw in the soup that mama

Prepared in the morning.

And cook with the lid closed

Roughly seventy minutes.

What will you find out

When the adults arrive.

If your friend is the best

Slipped and fell

Point your finger at a friend

And grab your stomach.

Let him see, lying in a puddle, -

You are not upset at all.

A true friend does not love

Grieve your friends.

If you are not firmly

Chose a path in life

And you don't know why

Start your labor path

Beat the light bulbs in the porches -

People will say thank you.

you help the people

Save electricity.

To kick out of the apartment

Various flies and mosquitoes

Gotta pull down the curtain

And spin over your head.

Pictures will fly from the walls,

Flowers from the window sill.

Tumbling TV

The chandelier will crash into the parquet.

And, escaping from the roar,

mosquitoes will scatter

And frightened flies

A flock will rush to the south.

If you decide in the morning

To behave,

Feel free to lead yourself into the closet

And dive into the darkness.

There is no mother, no father,

Only daddy's pants.

There no one will shout loudly:

“Stop! Do not dare! Don't touch!"

It will be much easier there.

Without disturbing anyone

Be good all day long

And lead decently.

Decided to fight - choose

The one who is weaker.

And the strong can give back

Why do you need her?

The younger the one you hit

The more cheerful the heart

Watch how he cries, screams,

And she calls her mother.

But if suddenly for the baby

Someone stepped in

Run, scream and cry loudly

And call your mom.

There is a reliable way to dad

Forever crazy.

Tell dad honestly

What did you do yesterday.

If he is able to

Stay on your feet

Explain what to do

Tomorrow you think.

And when with a crazy look

Dad will sing songs

Call an ambulance.

Her phone number is 03.

If you walked in a hat,

And then she disappeared

Don't worry mom is home

You can lie about something.

But try to lie beautifully

To look admiringly

Hold your breath, mom

I listened to lies for a long time.

But if you lied

About the lost hat

That her in an unequal battle

Took your spy away

Try to mom

Didn't go to get angry

to foreign intelligence,

They don't understand her there.

"We must share with the younger ones!".

“We need to help the younger ones!”

Never forget

These are the rules, folks.

Repeat very quietly

Them to someone who is older than you,

To the younger ones about it

Didn't know anything.

If hands at dinner

you messed up with lettuce

And shy about the tablecloth

Wipe your fingers

Lower discreetly

They are under the table, and it's calm there

Wipe your hands

About the neighbor's pants.

If you are in your pocket

Didn't find a penny

Look in your neighbor's pocket

Obviously the money is there.

If your roommate

Became a source of infection

Hug him and go to school

You won't come for two weeks.

To spontaneous combustion

Didn't happen in the house

Leaving the room

Take your iron with you.

Vacuum cleaner, electric stove,

TV and floor lamp

Better with light bulbs together

Take it to the next yard.

And even more reliable

Cut the wires

So that in all your area

The light went out immediately.

Here you can be sure

You almost certainly

What about spontaneous combustion

The house is secure.

Matches are the best toy

For bored kids.

Dad's tie, car passport -

Here is a small fire.

If you throw slippers

Or put a broom

You can fry a whole chair,

Boil the ear in the nightstand.

If adults are somewhere

Matches are hidden from you

Explain to them that matches

For a fire you need.

If washing the son

Mom suddenly discovers

That she washes not her son,

And someone else's daughter...

Let mom not be nervous

Well, she doesn't care.

There are no differences

Between dirty children.

When you get old - go

On the street on foot.

Don't get on the bus anyway

You have to stay there.

And now there are few fools,

To give up a place

And to those distant times

They won't be at all.

Running away from the tram

Do not rush under the dump truck.

Wait at the traffic light

Doesn't show up yet

ambulance car -

It's full of doctors

Let them crush you.

They will heal themselves later.

If you want enemies

Win with one blow

You rockets and shells,

And no ammo.

Drop to them by parachute

***********************

(Fill out this line yourself.)

An hour later, enemies, sobbing,

They come running to surrender.

If you are the last in the council

You do not want to insert a line,

Choose any

from those offered to you.

Drop to them by parachute:

your little sister,

Dad, grandmother and mother,

Two bags of rubles and three rubles,

Headmistress of your school

The teachers' council is complete,

Engine from "Zaporozhets",

Dozens of dentists

Chernov boy Sasha,

Little Masha Oster,

Tea from the school cafeteria

The book "Bad advice" ...

An hour later, enemies, sobbing,

They come running to surrender.

If you are invited to dinner

Proudly hide under the sofa

And lie there quietly

Not to be found right away.

And when from under the sofa

They will drag by the legs,

Break out and bite

Don't give up without a fight.

If they still get

And they will put you at the table,

Drop the cup

Pour the soup on the floor.

Cover your mouth with your hands

Fall down from the chair.

And throw the cutlets up,

Let them stick to the ceiling.

In a month people will say

Yours sincerely:

“He looks thin and dead,

But the character is strong.

If you decide first

Become in the ranks of your fellow citizens -

Never catch up

Rushing forward.

Five minutes later, cursing,

They run back

And then, leading the crowd,

You rush ahead.

If to dad or mom

Aunt adult came

And leads some important

And a serious conversation

Necessary behind unnoticed

sneak up on her and then

Shout loudly in your ear:

Stop! Give up! Hands up!"

And when from the chair aunt

Falls down with a fright

And spill it on your dress

Tea, compote or jelly,

It must be very loud

Mom will laugh

And being proud of your child,

Dad will shake your hand.

Papa will take you by the shoulder

And lead somewhere.

It's probably there for a very long time.

Dad will praise you.

Get yourself a notebook

And write down in detail

Who is who at recess

How many times have you sent

With whom is the physical education teacher

Drank kefir in the gym,

And that dad at night mom

Whispered softly in his ear.

Do you need an answer?

Well, keep answering.

Don't shake, don't whine, don't mumble,

Never hide your eyes.

For example, my mother asked:

"Who scattered the toys?"

Tell me it's dad

He brought his friends.

Did you fight with your younger brother?

Say he's the first

Kicked you in the neck

And swore like a bandit.

If they ask who's in the kitchen

I bitten all the cutlets,

Answer that the neighbor's cat

Or maybe the neighbor himself.

Whatever you're guilty of

Learn to answer.

For their actions each

I must boldly answer.

If you are determined

A plane to hijack to the West,

But you can't think

How to scare the pilots

Read them passages

From today's newspaper -

And they are in any country

They will fly away with you.

It's better to tease from the window,

From the eighth floor.

From the tank is also good,

When the armor is strong.

But if you want to bring

People to bitter tears

Their safest

Tease on the radio.

When a guest drops a cup,

Do not hit the guest in the forehead.

Give me another cup, let

He drinks tea calmly.

When this cup is a guest

Drop from the table

Pour tea into a glass for him

And let him drink in peace.

When all the dishes are a guest

Will kill in the apartment,

Have to pour sweet tea

By the collar to him.

If you are on the phone

Called a fool

And did not wait for an answer

Throwing the phone on the hook,

Dial quickly

From any random numbers

And whoever picks up the phone

Let me know - you're an idiot.

The address of the school where

Lucky to study

Like a multiplication table

Remember firmly, by heart,

And when will you happen

Meet the saboteur

Not wasting a minute

Give me the address of the school.

Don't be upset if

Call mom to school

Or dad. Do not be shy,

Bring the whole family.

Let uncles, aunts come

And third cousins

If you have a dog

Bring her too.

If you decided to sister

Just a joke to scare

And she is from you on the wall

Runs away barefoot

So jokes are funny

They don't reach her

And you should not put your sister

Live mice in slippers.

If you caught your sister

With grooms in the yard

Don't rush it soon

Give to mom and dad.

Let the parents first

She will be given in marriage

Then tell your husband

Everything you know about your sister.

If it's chasing you

Too many people

Ask them for details

Why are they upset?

Try to comfort everyone.

Give everyone advice

But reduce the speed

Absolutely nothing.

Don't be offended by

Who beats you with his hands,

And don't be lazy every time

to thank him

Because, sparing no effort,

He hits you with his hands

And I could take in these hands

Both stick and brick.

If a friend's birthday

invited you to my place,

You leave a gift at home -

Useful for yourself.

Try to sit next to the cake.

Don't get into conversations.

you while talking

Eat half as much sweets.

Choose smaller pieces

To swallow faster.

Do not grab the salad with your hands -

You can scoop up more with a spoon.

If they suddenly give nuts,

Rash them carefully in your pocket,

But do not hide the jam there -

It will be difficult to take out.

A book about tasty and healthy cannibal food.

Never agree to listen to this book and never read it yourself. If you are nevertheless forced to read or forced to read aloud, close your eyes, plug your ears with your fingers and shout something loud, so as not to hear anything for sure. The main thing to remember is that it is not true that the cannibal eats only ill-mannered boys and girls. He likes the educated ones even more, because they are much tastier. And also, know that there is a very simple way to escape from the cannibal when he catches you. At the very last second, as soon as he opens his mouth, say in a nasty voice: “Did you wash your hands?” “No,” the cannibal will say. “Here, go and wash,” you say, “and then sit down to sleep.” And when the cannibal runs to wash his hands, shout after him: “With soap, with my soap! I'll check! No self-respecting cannibal will ever return to you after that, and you can slowly get out of the plate and calmly go home for dinner.

Dear parents! Here is a cookbook for a home caregiver. This is a terrible piece. Do not try to read it to children at night! Only in the morning! And only in the event that you still decide to lecture them in the morning, throw reproaches, stab them with reproaches, and also saw them, poke them, bug them and poke your nose at what they did until dinner. Then it's better to read them a book about the tasty and healthy food of the cannibal. In the end, sorting through different methods of education, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion: “The simplest and not funny thing that a person can do to a person is to eat him!”

hot-nosed nerd

Put a very arrogant girl in a frying pan, praise several times, as soon as she lifts her nose, pour it with sunflower oil, fry it well and eat, praising.

pickled girls

Select dirty, disheveled crybaby girls, wash, comb and tightly stuff them into a strong wooden tub. Salt can not be poured - the girls themselves will cry a full tub of salty tears.

jerky boys

Take a few boys who do not eat anything and hang them by the scruff of the neck on a hanger in the corridor. In no case do not shoot, even if they ask you to leave for a minute. After a few days, the boys will acquire a specific taste and aroma.

Curious girls with soft buns

Lock the curious girls in the oven and, while they are pushing there by the lye, make as many buns as possible. Serve separately at the table, without showing a single bun to curious girls.

BROTH WITH CONFUSIONS

Put bay leaves, peppers, chopped boiled carrots in the pockets of the rasters, and plant the rasters in meat or chicken broth.

After a few minutes, everything that is put in the pockets will be lost and will begin to float in the broth. The finished dish can be served at the table.

SPED EGG YOLK CHILDREN

Spoil children to the point of impossibility, and then roll them in egg yolk, sprinkle with sugar and, without allowing them to lick each other, serve immediately.

CANNED DIRTY

Take several boys rolled in the mud, add one girl smeared with jam to them, put them all in an opaque glass jar, close the lid tightly and put in a dark place so that no one can ever see them. Canned gryazuli nicely decorate any table.

Krivlyak in his own dress

Remove sandals from the grimacing girl and lay her on a dish smeared with mustard. Sandals can be eaten later, for a snack.

CREAM SHOOTER WITH WHIPPED CREAM

Throw the boy, screaming loudly, waving his arms into thick cream and, as soon as a lot of foam appears, carry him to the table, after plugging his ears with cotton wool.

BORSCH FROM YABED WITH BATTLEERS

Take the same number of scoundrels and fighters, put them in the same pan, splash with tomato paste, mix well and cook, often throwing beets at the snares and fighters. Instead of salt, you can add a few crybabies to the already prepared borscht.

SALAD FROM PEOPLE BOYS AND GIRLS

Pour cold water over three very offended boys and four even more offended girls, cut onion into thin slices and pour it on the heads of all the offended until they are completely offended. Ready salad can be decorated on top with a large angry girl.

STUPID BOY WITH DUMPLINGS

First, boil dumplings over low heat, and then quickly throw them at the boy who constantly talks nonsense.

When serving a boy to the table, you can not plug your ears with cotton, but simply let everything he says pass by your ears.

SLIPPERS IN CHEESE

Release on the kitchen table a dozen sneaks and one climb, put a piece of cheese with a lot of holes in the same place. As soon as the weasels sniff out the holes and crawl into the cheese, spread butter on the bread, cover with cheese and eat.

Cunning in crackers

Soak three sly ones in milk, roll them in breadcrumbs. Throw in a frying pan and, without succumbing to any tricks, fry for an hour. Just do not forget: the better they are fried, the more cunning.

COLLUBES WITH STUPIDS

If you come across at least five stupid children at once, you can cook a delicious and nutritious meal out of them. Dip slowly in boiling water ... large cabbage leaves, and then put one stupid child in each cabbage leaf and wrap it in the form of sausages.

COLD whimpers with horseradish

Lay the whimpering girls in even rows on a dish or plate, decorate with parsley, colorful bows and lettuce leaves. Stuff green onions between them and pour all this with vinegar, adding a little grated dry horseradish there.

STUPID WITH POPPIES

Sprinkle poppy seeds on an impossibly stupid girl and promise her everything she wants. Eat happy.

GREETS IN OWN JUICE

Take a few selected greedy and give them as much delicious juice as possible. Then throw all the greedy, together with their juice, into a deep saucepan and add salt and pepper to taste.

It is better to eat greedy people swallowing them whole, because they will never part with even the smallest piece.

WARRIOR WITH SOUR GOBS

Trembling, trembling with fear, put the girl down on her stomach on the kitchen board. Waving a very sharp, huge knife in front of her nose for a long time. When goosebumps run down the girl's back, collect them in a small saucepan with a lid, boil in lemon juice and release them back onto her back. A warrior with sour goosebumps will be even tastier if you shoot behind her back from a toy pistol with caps before eating.

SHI FROM SOUR CHILDREN

Select the children with the most sour faces. Bathe in citric acid and try. Too sour immediately put out the door, and put the rest in a saucepan, pour water up to their ears and cook, cook, cook - until they are more cheerful. Good cabbage soup from sour children!

SMOOTH IN TOMATO

Shave off the arrogant boy, discourage him from rudeness and pour tomato juice into all his pockets. In this form, it is already ready and very useful.

Hot-tempered GIRLS UNDER MAYONNAISE

Put a dozen hot-tempered girls in a pot of olive oil and put on the stove. As soon as they boil, immediately pour cold mayonnaise on top. A very high calorie dish.

SAUSAGE WITH SHIM

Put three shy girls on a plate next to a sausage and shame until they are browned. Here and eat.

PILAF WITH SPITTING CHILDREN

Bury spitting children as deep as possible in warm boiled rice and immediately cover with a lid. As soon as the pilaf is ready, immediately remove the lid and eat it quickly, otherwise they will dig out, spit from head to toe and spit into the soul.

BULLY IN UNIFORM WITH HOT BATTLEERS

Warm up the bully and, as soon as they get hot, throw a few bullies with bloody noses at them. Usually they first eat the bully, and then they feast on the bully, from which three or four skins must be lowered before eating.

SMALLUZE IN POT

Leave the small fry together with the pots in a large cauldron, mix thoroughly, season to taste and eat before dinner to stimulate the appetite.

UGLY BOY WITH PEPPER

Choose among the ugly boys such that it was sickening to look at him, give him pepper, pour ketchup by the collar and carry to the guests, warning that the boy can spoil by putting a pig in his place.

FLOUR DISHES FROM POCHEMUCH

You can cook many hearty and tasty dishes from why-whys, if, without answering any questions, immediately roll why-whys into the dough, having previously covered their mouths with thick butter cream.

JULIEN FROM IMAGINATION

Place very proud and self-satisfied children in small saucepans with pre-prepared gravy. Cook within an hour. After that, lift the caps and try. If they are too proud, let them eat themselves.

PET IN SYRUP AND WITH CREAM

Pour a sweet pet from head to toe with thick cherry syrup and decorate with cream roses. Eat small portions so you don't feel sick.

HUCKING BOY UNDER SAUCE

To frighten a cowardly boy greatly, put him in a large pot, pour plenty of semolina over it and cook for a long time, occasionally lifting the lid of the pot and slightly scaring him so that he does not stop hiccuping. When serving, again scare a lot.

SWEET IN THE MARINADE

Pickle three sweet teeth, who have eaten cakes, sweets and marmalade in the morning in a glass jar and store in a cool, dry place. In the winter season, they can serve as a good snack.

OMELET FROM YOUNG OFFENDERS

Select two dozen medium-sized crooks (the smaller, the better), squeeze a confession out of each and, having removed all suspicions from them, toss them in a frying pan until they are completely repentant. If they don't break, bite through.

SAD CHILDREN WITH SOUR CREAM

Children who do not know what to do should be placed in a very large saucepan, pour sour cream up to their knees and left to wander around idle until evening. Eat for dinner.

SONIA WITH FILLING

Put a sleepy, yawning girl on a baking sheet and overlay a large number of large red tomatoes. Every time she yawns, stuff three pieces into her. Dormouse stuffed with tomatoes sleeps like the dead, and you can boil, fry or simmer it over low heat. Wake up before you eat.

FORSHMAK FROM HOOLIGANS

You can make a good mincemeat out of hooligans if you set them as hot as possible and, raising the temperature to one hundred degrees, do not let it go down for an hour. Put the hooligans brought to a boil on saucers, as soon as they cool down - forgive and eat.

RAZZYAVY STUFFED WITH CROWS

Having opened them with gaping mouths, drive them onto a birch tree, wait until more crows fly into their mouths, harvest from the birch, clamp their mouths open with clothespins so that the crows do not scatter, and bake stuffed crows into a big beautiful pie for the grandmother’s birthday.

QUICK FROZEN GIRLS

Treat three girls with twenty servings of ice cream at once. When eaten, give seven more servings. As soon as the girls stuffed with ice cream get cold, put on mittens and, carefully taking the tinkling girls by the legs, put them in the freezer. On a hot summer day, there is nothing more pleasant than a hard, cold girl.

COMPOTE OF SPOKEN BOYS

If your boys are completely spoiled, make compote out of them. To do this, it is necessary to properly process the spoiled boys, after removing the soul from them.

ROUGHMAN WITH MUSHROOMS

Grate the boy shouting insolence with garlic and feed him fly agarics. Eating a brute rubbed with garlic and fed with fly agaric, be prepared to hear from him many new words for you.

SCHNITZEL FROM DUR

Gather the fools together, let them speak out and immediately cook a big juicy schnitzel out of the fools who have spoken. Chew and swallow thoroughly.

STINK WITH VANILLA

Shave the boy who never washed, sprinkle with vanilla, sprinkle with cologne and swallow, holding his nose and him.

COLD CHILDREN WITH COLD EARS

Children who refuse to wear hats should be put on ice and covered with snow. After an hour, dig, measure the temperature and pull the ears. If the temperature is below forty, and the ears have not yet fallen off, bury them again in the snow.

SMOOTH WITH WET CHICKENS

Place a rag on the bottom of the pot. Take rotten, sour, tyutya and a few wet chickens, smear it all over the walls of the pan and pour over the jelly. If it turns sour, throw it away.

SLUTS WITH CLEANERS

Put an equal number of cleans and sluts in one dish, throw in the same three bars of soap, two washcloths, ten shoe brushes and one clothes brush, pour fresh mud, wait until the cleans are cleaned and the sluts are smeared, and solemnly serve to the table.

FIDGET ON THE SPIT

Boys and girls, who do not sit still for a minute, are strung on a spit one by one and put on the coals. The spit does not turn. Fidgets themselves will turn upside down every two minutes. Remove the ready-made fidgets from the spit, put the boys and girls on different plates, calm down and eat.

SLIPPERS AND WEAKNESSES WITH STRONG DRINK

Pour a strong drink into a glass, lift a bunch of squishes by the scruff of the neck, swallow them all at once and quickly drink to their health. Eat the weak.

SMART BRAINS WITH BOILED BRAIN

It hurts to bring up smart children well, to teach algebra, physics, botany and three foreign languages. Put in a pot. If the pot does not cook, then there were no brains. Eat without brains.

A SPICY DISH OF SCRATCHING GIRLS

Both large and small girls are suitable for this dish, but always with uncut nails. Wash the selected girls in hot brine and place them in a tub, shaking it from time to time to fit more. Taking out ready-made girls in a month, one must carefully monitor so that biting is not caught among the scratching ones.

NURNY IN TEAR BROTH

Leave crybabies who are crying in a saucepan. Add a few tablespoons of sugar. Do not pour water, do not pour salt. A few times very upset. As soon as a tear is released, cover tightly with a lid and leave to sob over low heat. After an hour drowning in tears, June can be served at the table, after filling the broth with kicking cows.

PANTS IN WEET PANTIES

Tell a shy boy a very scary tale, if the panties remain dry, make a face, show your teeth, and as soon as the panties are thoroughly wet and well saturated, start eating.

NOW IN CHOCOLATE

In the evening, melt the chocolate, dip the naughty head into it and leave it to dry in the draft until morning. In the morning, when the chocolate has hardened, you can top the birthday cake with a chocolate naughty figurine.

MARCHING BOYS

Build marching boys in height, give them a sniff of gunpowder, weed out the out of the ordinary, pass the rest through a meat grinder. Do not let go back. Sprinkle the finished mass with toy guns, drumsticks and make one big cutlet out of the marching boys.

BATTLE BOYS

To pluck a few freshly hatched boys and gut nails, slingshots and caps out of their pockets. Dump in flour, sprinkle with salt on top, butter on the bottom, fry and eat as soon as possible before they do something again.

GIRL BOYS WITH SOFT FINGERS

Pour several pampered languid boys into one saucepan, dilute with sweet water, dilute with fragrant shampoo and hand cream, dissolve two handkerchiefs and four lace collars in the resulting slurry. After two hours, strain through cheesecloth and drink in small sips.

TURNED PRESCHOOL CHILDREN

If you want to keep your preschool supplies until spring, melt them all down. Then put each preschooler in a separate, preheated jar, chop a few picture books into each jar so that the preschooler does not get bored and, tightly covered with a lid, lower it into a cold cellar.

CONFUSION IN PASTA

Boil a full pot of pasta, drain the water and put the pasta in a deep plate. Launch a child who has confused his parents' head there. Wait until he finally gets confused, gets lost and gets tangled in pasta. As soon as he completely stops floundering and gets stuck forever, put him on the right path, add a piece of butter and eat.

FORGETTING CHILDREN WITH CHICKEN MEMORY

Take as many children with holes in their heads as possible and stuff their heads with exceptions to the rules. Pinch the chicken memory, gut it, tell the children to keep an eye on it and put it into the pressure cooker with them. As soon as the exceptions fly out of the children's heads, and the chicken memory is lost sight of them, start eating.

Jerky fools with felt boots full of beer

String stupid boys on a string and hang them on the balcony. Buy ten bottles of beer and a pair of boots. Uncork bottles and pour beer into felt boots. While drinking beer from a felt boot on the balcony, pull off the dried fools from the rope and seize them with beer.

MYAMLYA WITH PORRIDGE IN THE MOUTH

A child who does not want to pronounce a single letter should be seated at the table and filled to the ears with porridge. Put the unfitted porridge on the ears, in sandals and in the bosom. Fry well and serve with a salad of vigorous, fresh balabolok.

PANCAKES WITH SLIPPER BOYS

Pick up the boys who were lying in the mud, smear them with goose fat and wrap each boy in a separate pancake. If any boy slips out of a pancake onto the floor, do not pick it up, but take another one like it. If there aren't enough pancakes, throw the extra boys back into the dirt.

VINAIGRETE FROM RAW CHILDREN

Take the kids out of their beds in the morning. Select raw, put in a deep plate and cover them with sheets. Top with sunflower oil and serve for breakfast.

EVIL CHILD IN THE TEST

A fierce, rushing child to soften a little, butter it up, stick dough on all sides, place it in the oven and slowly bring it to a white heat. Remove from the oven, soften again and piss again on a plate.

DISINTEGRAL GIRLS

Dissolve the butter in a frying pan and release completely dissolute girls into it. After they run around the pan for about twenty minutes, they * can be served at the table, after finely chopping ... a lemon peel and sprinkling it on the girls' heads.

PIES WITH STICKS AND STICKS

Pies with such a filling need to be molded strong and durable enough, otherwise the pesters with sticky sticks will get out and never get rid of you. In extreme cases, sprinkle them with pepper and smear them in mustard - maybe they will fall behind.

AZU FROM EGOZY

Stop the fidgety third grader, spinning top, cut her shoes into thin slices and throw with her into the gurgling gravy.

When serving, make sure that she, jumping on a plate through a string, does not splash your guests with hot gravy.

PUSHING BIGGER, WITH A GOOSE CARCASS

To lie in wait for a large, healthy seventh grader in the school cafeteria. As soon as he pushes the kids and makes his way forward, grab it across the body and put it in the cast-iron goose along with the goose. Let both carcasses stew well, and most importantly, make sure that they do not push each other out of the goose.

SWEET BOY WITH SWEET PEPPERS

Take a child who does not agree with anything and, without listening to his objections, place it in a cauldron of sweet peppers. Extinguish for an hour, ignoring angry protests and indignant exclamations. Dump on a plate with peppers and, without entering into disputes, silently eat.

HATED ANTERIOR IN HOT LIVER

Buy fresh beef livers on the market and bake them for boredom, after wrapping it in a cotton blanket so that it (hateful) does not cool the hot livers. Eat carefully, if it gets across the throat - push through.

PEA SCARECROW WITH DILL

A child who has put on his pants back to front, pulled his shirt upside down and confused his left shoe with his right one, put it in this form on a dish and cover his head with finely chopped dill. This will improve the taste and appearance of the dish and, in addition, enrich it with vitamins.

BERRY JAM WITH CRACKS

Instead of throwing bad girls in the trash, make berry jam out of them. Having separated those that can still improve, put the rest in bowls with crumpled, crushed and wormy berries, sprinkle generously with powdered sugar and cook until the worms from the berries climb onto the girls. Cool the finished jam and eat it if you don't feel sick.

A DECOAT FROM THORKY ZLYUKA

Free the stomping feet and every minute snarling evil from the thorns, sand and cook until blue in the face. The resulting broth is poured onto the floor. Wipe the floor with a rag. Squeeze the rag into the jar. Close the jar tightly with a lid and hide from other children.

GARDEN GULENS WITH WILD GROWING GULENS

Wild-growing revelers most often grow in nondescript, dirty and small bunches, while garden revelers, as a rule, ripen in large pairs and have a delicate skin with a strong, tart smell. It is best to collect both on a warm summer evening. Store in wicker baskets separately from each other so as not to spoil. Before use, wash, put in a circle on a spacious dish, forbid singing stupid songs with a guitar and serve after dinner as a dessert.

SCHOOLGIRL DELIGHTENED WITH SELF

Place a girl admiring her appearance in front of a mirror, let her look at herself to self-forgetfulness, shower her with large bows and small buttons, delight her and serve with tea.

GRUMBLING WITH A CRISPY CRUST

Continuously grumbling, dissatisfied with everything and everyone, first boil the child, and then fry on both sides until a crisp appears. If he doesn’t like it either, spank him right on the frying pan, lower him to the floor and drive him home.

PRETEL FROM SHOULDER LENGTHS

Bend the stooping overgrowth into an arc, fold it in half, tie it with a bow, cover it with cotton candy on all sides and surround it with care, patronizing and baking every day from morning until you receive a passport. Eat along with the passport.

BOY SCREECHING ROASTED

A squealing, screaming, kicking, kicking and rolling boy on the floor is easy to fry and eat without further ado.

Dreamers without candy wrappers

Boys with a violent imagination are wrapped in candy wrappers and thrown into a box from under a large cake. Once the box is full, put it on the sideboard. When you want something special, take out one at a time and demand that they turn around and go into the mouth themselves.

STEAMED TOMBERS, WITH SOUR CARROADS

Hang tomboys on strings over a boiling cauldron. Catch those who escaped with a net and hang them up again. After fifteen minutes, remove the first pair of steamed tomboys from the strings and put them on a dish along with the apples that attacked from the branches. Put the rest of the tomboys on a dish as soon as they are steamed. Put a dish with carrion and tomboys in the center of the table and invite guests.