Is it worth making a tragedy because of a child's poor grades? Mistakes in the upbringing of a loser. Round loser: how to respond to the failure of the child? What to do if the child is a loser

What to do if the child does not study well, does not want to do homework? Parents make a lot of efforts to change the situation: they study for hours, help solve problems or hire tutors. If all conceivable methods have been tried, and academic performance is not getting better, psychological consultation with the child is needed.

All parents expect their children to be "different". They simply have to be the most intelligent, beautiful, dexterous, strong, healthy.

The moment of truth comes - school studies, and it turns out that the child studies worse than classmates. This is a huge disappointment, and psychological help is needed for parents of children.

The child does not want to do homework or does it with his “back left foot”, if only the parents would stop insisting. The reasons for this behavior can be very different - from shortness of breath to conflicts at school. Parents can rarely determine why a child does not want to study, but a specialist can do this.

Bitter pill: parents are not always right

Parents who have already worn out with their child, trying to convince or teach him to love school lessons, most often turn to the center for psychological help for children. But think, if you yourself feel exhausted, then how is it for your child. You have worn him out no less.

Surely you are very involved in the learning process. Perhaps you control every step of the child at school, collect a portfolio for him, check every word in homework, “stand over your soul” while the child does his homework. This situation is a constant stress for both you and him.

Of course, you only want the best. But try to objectively assess the extent to which the child's future success depends on the knowledge and skills acquired at school. As a rule, even excellent students remember no more than 10-15% of information by the time they graduate from an educational institution. In life, people are guided not only by school subjects.

To some extent, the future happiness and security of your child depends on education, but this dependence is by no means all-encompassing. So try to calm down, stop harassing the child and come to our center. We have an excellent one, and together with it you can effectively solve the problem.

5 reasons why a child does not want to study

Why does a child show poor academic performance?

Before looking for ways to solve a problem that has arisen, it is important to understand why a child is a loser.

The reasons why a child does not have time can be divided into two large groups:

Internal.
External.

Let's analyze each of them in more detail.

Internal causes of failure

The ability to learn is largely determined by the characteristics of the brain and the type of nervous system.. It is important to exclude mental retardation, which is done with the help of consultations of doctors and psychologists.

There are four types of nervous system: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic. Cholerics are often hyperactive individuals who find it difficult to sit in one place. They are very curious, and if necessary, perform monotonous actions, they lose interest in them.

Sanguine people are cheerful and curious, they love to gain knowledge. Phlegmatic people are thoughtful, measured, get involved in activities for a long time, but bring the matter to the end. The weakest type of nervous system is melancholic, they get tired quickly and are the most pessimistic about the world around them. Parents and teachers should pay attention to the type of nervous system and the method of teaching that is most effective for a particular child.

Of the internal reasons, one can also name laziness and lack of willpower.. The child cannot force himself to do homework and listen to the teacher's lesson.

Decreased level of alertness is also one of the reasons for failure. Both hyperactive children and schoolchildren with a weak nervous system can suffer from this.

Low self-esteem is another reason. Various factors contribute to its appearance, including improper upbringing. The child is sure that he is not able to study well, so he stops making efforts.

External causes of failure

External causes are usually associated with social factors. Children may feel uncomfortable at school. This may be due to the attitude of the teacher or other students towards him. If academic performance has dropped sharply when moving to a new school, then you should look for the reason here. In some cases, the child is a loser in only one subject, while in others the grades are good. The reason may lie in the teacher, perhaps he has excessive requirements or the student simply does not understand the teacher's explanations.

Assessing academic performance, it is important to pay attention to the home environment.. How favorable is the family, are there any conflicts within it. Children are sensitive to the environment and are very worried if, for example, parents quarrel. It also matters whether the student has a personal space at home where he can spend time calmly and work out.

Loser child what to do

So, your child is having academic problems and you want to help him. Your thoughts: the child is a loser, what to do, what kind of magic pill to find. There are no such pills. Correcting the situation is a careful, long and painstaking work so as not to break the child.

Here is a rough plan of action for you. Try to deal with the problem step by step, considering the results of the step taken.. Don't just do something. Analyze the result. This is important because after each analysis you will be able to adjust your further actions.

If the child is a loser, what to do must be decided by the whole family. Often problems arise because of the difference in requirements between parents and grandmothers. Some criticize, others praise, others forbid something. As a result, the child simply does not understand what they want from him. It is important for adults to seriously ask themselves what to do if the child is a loser, otherwise the problem may get out of control.

Certainly, the most important thing is love for the child . But love does not mean pampering or demanding the impossible. A calm atmosphere in the family, a competent approach, the ability to plan tasks will help to bring up a strong and successful personality. And if your student shows low results so far, this is not a reason to give up or scold him for it. We urgently need to change something, but at the same time, adults will also have to change.

Two is always unpleasant. This assessment is punished for unfulfilled lessons, it can scare even the most "impregnable" students. But it turns out that these horror stories are not for the guys who have chosen the path of a “conscious loser”. Who becomes them and how to find justice for them, psychologist-teacher Olga Yutkina explains to Letidor.

Olga Yuryevna Yutkina, psychologist, head of the Commonwealth of Early Development Educators

"Three" or "two" - what's the difference!

This happens when parents expect only victory from their children: for them there is only one mark - “five”. And it’s not yet possible for a student to bring home only good grades. As a result, the child does not care what he gets - "two" or "three", because the result is always the same: parents are upset. And in order to slap “two”, you don’t even need to try.

A child's diligence will lead to higher successes. And he will start trying only when he realizes that even one extra point is already a small victory.

Who would praise me

At the age of 4-7 years, children especially need the approval of adults, even for minor achievements. If you do not support the baby in his small successes, in the future he will not have the potential to go to higher successes.

In elementary school, children do not study in order to “be educated,” but because they expect praise for their efforts from happy moms and dads. The lack of praise and encouragement can cross out any zeal for learning. Emotional "What a good fellow you are!" hundreds of times more effective than the strict "You must!".

If the teacher in the eyes of the child does not look like an authoritative person, you will not find in your student either an interest in knowledge or an incentive to study. The child is not able to tune in to the lesson, cannot remember the material, and generally does not consider it necessary to take the information in the lesson seriously.

In this case, parents need to find and emphasize in the teacher the maximum number of worthy qualities that the child himself will appreciate. A little secret: a junior high school student will be well affected by the resemblance to their favorite hero from the movie.

It's cool to be a doppelgänger

Teenagers may decide that in high school girls pay more attention to "bad" boys. This is partly true, because in a difficult adolescence, many schoolgirls attribute special strength and attractiveness to negative characters. And “rolling down to twos” in studies is the easiest thing you can do to immediately become a “bad boy” and a “leader”.

Good examples from life and active sports will help here: show your child what it really means for a man to be “cool”.

To spite the parents

All parents want their child to do well in school. But it happens that the child goes against the wishes of mom and dad in order to “punish” them. For example, family conflicts or divorce of parents can instill a strong resentment in the child’s soul: the student decides that, having become a loser, he will convey to mom and dad the idea that “I also have an influence on you!”, “You will reckon with me!”, “ I just want to and bring you to hysterics!

The main thing is not to beg the student to take up the mind, otherwise he will decide that this is the ideal lever for controlling parents. Just tell your child something from the series: “It's okay! Even when you go to work as a janitor after school, we will still love you.”

I demand attention!

Your student can easily bring home deuces to get parental attention. Perhaps the son has already asked dad to help with homework just so that he would just spend the evening next to him, and the daughter probably tried to attract the attention of her mother with the help of a beautiful notebook with even handwriting. But for some reason, the parents did not show strong emotions. Then the child decides that he is going the wrong way, and begins to think: “And mom and dad will definitely react to deuces!”

You don't have to spend hours sitting next to your kids discussing every little thing that happened during the day. It is enough to make it clear to the child that you are always interested in his affairs, despite being very busy.

Reassessment of opportunities

For example, a desk mate spends only 10-15 minutes studying and always answers “five”. “So I can do it too. I'll just read and remember everything! the student thinks. Unfortunately no. Perhaps your student is slower in the perception of the material, it is not so easy for him to memorize. But for the time being, due to his age, he inadequately understands his abilities and capabilities.

Tell your child that everyone has a different approach to doing homework. In addition, no one really knows how long it took Vasya, sitting at the next desk, to learn the poem at home.

“Former losers are more likely to become rich”

How many "instructive" stories that the richest people on our planet did not pore over textbooks, we are told by the media. And acquaintances are always ready to give a couple of examples of the “injustice of life”, in which their classmates with two grades are now for some reason more successful and richer than they are straight A students.

Explain to the child that these are just separate stories, which, moreover, do not always correspond to reality. Remember which of the child's favorite actors or simply of the adults whom he respects were excellent students in childhood: children will take an example from those to whom they feel sympathy.

Olga Yuryevna Yutkina, psychologist, head of the Commonwealth of Early Development Educators

"Three" or "two" - what's the difference!

A child's diligence will lead to higher successes. And he will start trying only when he realizes that even one extra point is already a small victory.

Who would praise me

It's cool to be a doppelgänger

Good examples from life and active sports will help here: show your child what it really means for a man to be “cool”.

To spite the parents

I demand attention!

Reassessment of opportunities

Tell your child that everyone has a different approach to doing homework. In addition, no one really knows how long it took Vasya, sitting at the next desk, to learn the poem at home.

“Former losers are more likely to become rich”

What to do if your child is often distracted at school, cannot remember a short rhyme, does not learn the program well, and doctors put the mysterious abbreviation MMD in his outpatient card? Altaiskaya Pravda tried to find out what this common childhood pathology is, what its impact on school performance is, and also to hear the opinion of experts.

apples fall down

MMD stands for quite simply: "minimal brain dysfunction." This is a fairly broad term, in which doctors include hyperactivity, and attention deficit, and psychomotor retardation, and disorders of oral or written speech, and much more. The problem manifests itself publicly more often in the primary grades, when the child is loaded with a large amount of various information, from which his head is spinning, there are difficulties with communication in a team, and the nervous system begins to falter.

Somehow, the honored doctor of Russia, the initiator of the well-known in the region rehabilitation programs for schoolchildren “Life without twos”, “How to make a genius out of a child”, Vyacheslav Chudimov, had a chance to observe a seven-year-old boy. He studied in the first grade of the Barnaul school for only a month, after which he was expelled due to the fact that he was constantly spinning, disturbing the rest of the students, and could not sit through a single lesson calmly. Mom brought her son to a city counseling session with the sole purpose of getting a conclusion allowing him to go to school. While the doctor was reading the card, the boy pulled all the drawers out of the table and dumped the contents on the floor. When Vyacheslav Fedorovich asked him to undress himself, he could not unbutton the buttons and untie the laces on his own. The mother refused the offer to treat the child, saying: “He is all like a grandfather! Yes, and men must be so hyperactive in order to achieve something in life.

Vyacheslav Chudimov is convinced that, as a rule, there are no lazy children, and losers need to be treated, not scolded. According to him, the causes of MMD are very diverse - these are perinatal pathology, prematurity, intrauterine infections, and heredity. Most often, small brain dysfunctions develop in children who have undergone hypoxia. Some experts believe that one of the causes of this pathology is damage to the cervical spine during childbirth.

The number of children with MMD is growing every year. According to the chief freelance pediatric neurologist of Barnaul, Olga Tarasova, she has to make such a diagnosis every day, and most often for children older than 4-5 years. Treatment is strictly individual! If a child has a violation of written speech, then he is shown drugs that stimulate the cortical function; if he does not remember well, then nootropics that activate cognitive function. Hyperactive, uncontrollable "rebels" are usually prescribed so-called behavior correctors.

It is not uncommon for a child with MMD, despite a normal IQ, to postpone their entry to school for a year or two, - says Olga Viktorovna. - As a rule, he does not have companionship, he cannot communicate with other children, sit at a desk for a long time, although he learns the program. So that he does not interfere in the classroom, we help mom apply for home schooling. Nevertheless, it is important for a child to attend school on holidays, attend physical education classes, drawing, where a lot of concentration is not required. And gradually the problems, if they are not associated with mental and organic lesions of the brain, go away.

According to Vyacheslav Chudimov, a feature of MMD is that its symptoms are often not perceived by parents as pathological and do not serve as a reason for contacting a pediatrician or neuropathologist. Parents cannot objectively assess the condition of their child, characterizing the features of his behavior as laziness, restlessness, nervousness, clumsiness.

The most common phrase among grandmothers: “We didn’t treat our children, and nothing, they grew up,” says Vyacheslav Fedorovich. - They usually talk about the mother of the child who was brought to the appointment with signs of delayed psychophysical development. I ask my mother: “Do you often have a headache?” Answer: Two or three times a week. As they say, comments are superfluous. After all, the apple does not fall far from the apple tree and down.

According to Olga Tarasova, the majority of respectable parents treat their children. But there are those who leave, but after a few years reappear in the office. And the later they realized it, the more difficult it was to normalize everything.

Social factors often intervene: either there is no money, or there is no time, or the parents cannot agree among themselves. Mom thinks that the child is sick, and dad is sure that he is healthy, - says Olga Viktorovna. - Many parents are also very wary of drug treatment. But we prescribe not only pills and drugs, but also massage, therapeutic exercises, physiotherapy, acupuncture, diet therapy, hydrotherapy, herbal medicine, and, if necessary, hirudotherapy. If such children are taken care of, treated twice a year, then, as practice shows, they learn more or less evenly.

Lost my head

Vyacheslav Chudimov was undergoing rehabilitation treatment for a 12-year-old girl who often suffered from headaches after school lessons, as well as pain and fatigue in the cervicothoracic spine. She studied for threes and fours, often received twos, and mastered the program by perseverance. Comprehensive treatment included special acupressure, manual therapy, physiotherapy, taking a nootropic drug, wearing a Shants collar, posture corrector, self-drenching with cold water, exercise therapy and much more.

After the first procedure, the girl ran out of the office in fear, shouting “Mom! Mother! I lost my head! I don't have a head!" - says Vyacheslav Fedorovich. - When she was reassured, it turned out that lately she had constantly felt her head “heavy” and thought that “all people have this”, and then the head after the procedure ceased to be felt, as if it didn’t exist at all. Three weeks later, she ran to the third procedure in a panic two hours early. To the question: “Why did you come earlier? Does anything hurt?" - answered: “No, it was the first time I wrote and passed the test at school for the first time in six years of study!”

There is an opinion that restless, hyperactive children should be given to martial arts so that they splash out their energy. According to Sergey Petrov, a specialist in rehabilitation medicine from Barnaul, this very common misconception can lead to the opposite consequences. Quite often, hyperactive children have instability in the cervical spine. And if during a fight or struggle this instability becomes even greater, then much more serious treatment will be required. According to Petrov, if you really want to engage in martial arts, then you need to strengthen the muscle corset with the exercises recommended in the ABC of Orthopedics, published in Barnaul in 2003. We are talking about the so-called "Fish", "Sheik" and "Corner".

"Fish" is performed lying on the stomach. Arms extended forward, legs and head should be raised above the floor. Do not bend your elbows, keep your head between your hands, pull your toes. Exercise "Corner" also has its own nuances, it should be done lying on your back, put your hands under your head, press your elbows to the floor. Raise straight legs up at an angle of 45 °, while not bending your knees, pull your toes away from you. "Neck" is aimed at strengthening the muscles of the neck. You need to lie on your back to stretch the cervical spine without raising your head, press your chin to your chest and raise your head from the floor by 2-5 centimeters. All these exercises are performed until you are completely tired.

These exercises always give a safe and predictably good effect, says Sergey Petrov. - And they help even without manual therapy. They improve blood microcirculation, reduce intracranial pressure, which ultimately leads to an improvement in school performance, as well as the mental state of the child.

Of course, motivating children to exercise at home is often quite difficult. As one of the recipes, Sergey Petrov suggests hanging a motivational poster on the wall, on which the results of the past period will be correlated with the successes (seconds) at the present time. The main condition for success is to practice regularly.