Janusz Korczak: how to love a child - what masterpieces of world pedagogical literature can be found in the library? Read the book "How to love a child" online in full - Janusz Korczak - MyBook Janusz Korczak how to love a child read in full

The personality of Janusz Korczak is widely known in pedagogical circles - the author is a Polish teacher, doctor and publicist, who died at the hands of the Nazis along with the pupils of the orphanage in which he worked. A publicist and humanist created a message for us during the First World War. This makes the publication, on the one hand, far from us and difficult to read, but on the other hand, interesting and informative. After all, the problems of growing up at all times are very similar. In addition, the book is permeated with kindness and love for children. The author conducts a confidential philosophical conversation with us. He gives many examples from his own practice.

Making a description of this book, it must be said that it does not contain specific psychological techniques, how to quickly and easily find a common language with a child. It can be described as a set of 116 mini-chapters in which the author reflects on the different causes and consequences of the behavior of mother and child. In his practice, the publicist tries to analyze why things happen in this or that situation, and how to open your heart to understanding child psychology.

Janusz Korczak teaches parents to perceive their children as individuals, whose harmonious development is better not to interfere. Despite the high qualification of doctors, a mother can notice something wrong faster by the behavior of a baby than a doctor who sees a child for the first or even tenth time.

To a modern reader, the content may seem irrelevant - for example, the role of the father in education is practically not discussed. In developed countries today, both parents bear the same responsibility for their babies, and no one perceives artificial babies as a flagrant injustice. Although the issues that are relevant at all times are touched upon: how to deal with children's fears, how to feed, how and when to put to bed, how important active games are for physical and moral development. The issue of lack of experience in the younger generation is considered; imitation of adults who surround him. That is why parents should be a good example, on the basis of whose behavior the character of the child will be formed.

The author urges to listen to the interests and hobbies of the children, to respect their desire to learn something new, not to interfere with their own actions, to test their strength. Janusz Korczak in his book describes the situations that are associated with children from wealthy families with servants, and from an orphanage - he calls on both of them to be encouraged in their aspirations, at the same time taking into account the temperament of the pupils.

He confirms that there is no single approach to raising children - there is no single correct view, there must be an approach of understanding. The authority of the elders can play a cruel joke - and the baby will be submissive, naive, but in a difficult situation he will not be able to navigate without the help of outsiders.

Who will be interested in the book? Both parents and teachers. Not everyone is naturally given to be sensitive and understanding about children, and the book will help many to reconsider their attitude towards pampering and curiosity of young talents. We can say that the author calls to open the heart, to be more sensitive to the problems and fears of children. Here is an abstract.

Since the original of the book was published back in 1929, many of the teacher's arguments seem naive and far from reality, but the general pedagogical principles are not amenable to change. Even though almost a century has passed, newborns explore the world with the same enthusiasm, and older children knock down their knees while learning to ride a bicycle. Therefore, learning to love your own and other people's children is a necessity of any era. I recommend reading it, especially since even in its small format the publication has only 168 pages - reading will not take much time, even the publication will not arouse much interest.

The life of Janusz Korczak, this amazing person, a talented doctor, educator, defender of orphans, who voluntarily martyred in the gas chamber of a Nazi concentration camp, has long become a legend.

His book is rightly called the parenting bible. Korczak's thoughts about children, their rights and needs, about the need for a sensitive attitude towards them, about respect for their dignity, about a principled attitude to issues of conscience and morality, became the foundation of humanistic pedagogy. They continue to be experienced and remain acutely relevant today.

Korczak urges to remember that a child differs from us, adults, only by a lack of life experience - and just like us, he has the right to respect, his own opinion, to be listened to and understood. How often, forgetting about this, we exhaust the child with notations and instructions, carefully hiding not only from him, but also from ourselves our own imperfections. Speaking about caring for the child, Korczak emphasizes the impossibility of equating all children with the same brush, calling for taking into account the unique properties of each.

Behind the thoughts and conclusions of Janusz Korczak are the stories of hundreds of children who passed through his hands and experienced by the author with them. The whole book is filled with the wisdom and warmth of the big heart of this wonderful person. Undoubtedly, this book should become a desktop book for any parent, and for anyone who is preparing for this mission.

In this edition, the text is published with slight abridgements.

For ease of assimilation by the editor, thematic sections are highlighted, and especially important thoughts of the author are placed in the margins.

Professor Yu. B. Gippenreiter

Book one
The child's right to respect 1
The book was first published in Warsaw in 1929. It reflects the main pedagogical views of the author.

Disdain - Distrust

being small

From an early age, we grow in the consciousness that the big is more important than the small.

– I'm big, - the child rejoices when they put it on the table.

“I’m taller than you,” he notes with a sense of pride, measuring himself against a peer.

It is unpleasant to stand on tiptoe and not reach out, it is difficult to keep up with an adult with small steps, a glass slips out of a tiny hand. Awkwardly and with difficulty the child climbs into a chair, into a stroller, onto a ladder; cannot reach the doorknob, look out the window, remove or hang anything because it is too high. In the crowd they block him, they will not notice him and they will push him. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant to be small.

Respect and admiration is great, something that takes up a lot of space. The little one is everyday, uninteresting. Small people are small and needs, joys and sorrows.

They make an impression - a big city, high mountains, big trees.

We are speaking:

– Great feat, great man.

And the child is small, light, you do not feel it in your hands. We have to lean towards him, bend down.

And worse, the child is weak.

We can lift him up, throw him up, seat him against his will, we can forcibly stop him on the run, nullify his efforts.

Whenever he disobeys, I have strength in reserve. I say: "Do not leave, do not touch, move, give." And he knows that he must yield; but how many times does he try to disobey before he understands, surrenders, submits!

Who and when, under what exceptional conditions will dare to push, shake, hit an adult? And how ordinary and innocent our slaps, dragging a child by the hand, rude “affectionate” hugs seem to us!

The feeling of weakness causes reverence for strength; everyone, not only an adult, but also a child older, stronger, can express displeasure in a rude form, back up the demand with force, force them to obey: they can offend with impunity.

We teach by our own example to disdain what is weaker. Bad science, grim omen.

Grace of material dependence

The child minces helplessly with a textbook, a ball and a doll, vaguely feeling that without his participation something important and big is happening somewhere over him, that decides whether he has a share or not, punishes and rewards and crushes.

A flower is a harbinger of a future fetus, a chicken will become a laying hen, a heifer will give milk. And until then - efforts, spending and care - will you save it, will it not let you down?

Everything that grows causes anxiety, because you have to wait a long time; maybe it will be the support of old age, and will reward a hundredfold. But life knows droughts, frosts and hail, which beat and destroy the harvest.

The market value of the unripe is low. Only before the law and God is the color of an apple tree worth as much as the fruit, and green shoots - as ripe fields.

We nurture, shield from troubles, feed and train. The child receives everything without worries; what would he be without us, to whom he owes everything?

Exclusive, unique and all - we are.

We command and demand obedience.

Morally and legally responsible, knowing and foreseeing, we are the only judges of the actions, mental movements, thoughts and intentions of the child.

The beggar disposes of alms as he pleases, but the child has nothing of his own, he must account for every gift received for personal use.

It cannot be torn, broken, soiled, it cannot be presented, it cannot be rejected with disdain. The child must accept and be satisfied. Everything at the appointed time and in the appointed place, wisely and according to purpose.

Maybe that's why he so appreciates worthless trifles that cause us surprise and pity: various rubbish - the only truly property and wealth - lace, boxes, beads.

In return for these benefits, the child must yield, deserve good behavior - beg or lure, but just do not demand! Nothing is due to him, we give voluntarily. (There is a sad analogy: a rich man's girlfriend.)

Because of the poverty of the child and the mercy of material dependence, the attitude of adults towards children is immoral.

We neglect the child, because he does not know, does not guess, does not foresee. He does not know the difficulties and complexity of adult life, he does not know where our ups and downs and fatigue come from, what deprives us of peace and spoils our mood; does not know mature defeats and bankruptcies. It is easy to divert the attention of a naive child, to deceive, to hide from him.

He thinks life is simple and easy. There is a father, there is a mother; father earns, mother buys. The child knows neither betrayal of duty, nor the methods of struggle of adults for their own and not their own.

Free from material worries, from temptations and from strong shocks, he cannot even judge them. We unravel it instantly, pierce it through with a careless glance, without preliminary investigation we reveal clumsy tricks.

Or maybe we are deceived, seeing in the child only what we want to see?

Perhaps he is hiding from us, perhaps he is suffering in secret?

We neglect the child, because he has many hours of life ahead of him.

We feel the heaviness of our steps, the sluggishness of selfish movements, the stinginess of perceptions and experiences.

And the child runs and jumps, looks at anything, is surprised and asks; frivolously sheds tears and generously rejoices.

A fine autumn day is valuable, when the sun is rare, and in spring it is already so green. Enough and somehow, it is not enough for him to be happy, there is no need to try. We hurriedly and casually get rid of the child. We despise the diversity of his life and the joy that is easy to give him.

It is important minutes and years that are escaping from us; he has time to endure, he will still have time, he will wait.

The child is not a soldier, he does not defend his homeland, although he suffers along with it.

Weak, small, poor, dependent - he has yet to be a citizen.

Whether condescending, whether sharp, whether rude, and all - neglect.

Snotlout, still a child - a future person, not today. In fact, he still will be.

Strict supervision

Watch, never take your eyes off for a minute. Look after, don't leave alone. Watch, don't step aside.

He falls, hits, cuts, gets dirty, spills, tears, breaks, spoils, puts somewhere, loses, sets fire, lets a thief into the house. Hurt himself, us, cripple himself, us, a playmate.

Oversee - no independent undertakings - the full right of control and criticism.

He does not know how much and what to eat, how much and when to drink, does not know the limits of his strength. Therefore, to stand guard over diet, sleep, rest.

How long? From what time? Always.

With age, distrust of the child takes on a different character, but does not decrease, but even increases.

The child does not distinguish between what is important and what is not important. Alien to him order, systematic work. Distracted, he will forget, neglect, miss. He does not know that he will answer for everything with his future.

We must instruct, guide, train, suppress, restrain, correct, warn, prevent, inculcate, overcome. Overcome whims, whims, stubbornness. To instill caution, prudence, fears and anxiety, the ability to foresee and even anticipate.

We, experienced ones, know how many dangers, ambushes, traps, fatal accidents and catastrophes are around. We know that even the greatest caution does not give a complete guarantee - and even more so we are suspicious: in order to have a clear conscience, and if trouble happened, there was at least nothing to reproach ourselves with.

The excitement of pranks is dear to him, it is amazing how he clings precisely to the bad. Willingly listens to bad whispers, follows the worst examples.

It breaks easily, but it's hard to fix.

We wish him well, we want to make it easier; we give all our experience without a trace: just reach out your hand - it's ready! We know what is harmful to children, we remember what harmed us ourselves, even if he avoids this, does not know, does not experience. "Remember, know, understand." "You will see for yourself, you will see for yourself." Not listening! As if on purpose, as if out of spite.

You have to make sure that you obey, you have to make sure that you do. He himself clearly strives for everything bad, chooses the worst, dangerous path.

How to endure senseless pranks, ridiculous antics, inexplicable outbursts? The primary creature looks suspicious. It seems submissive and innocent, but in essence it is cunning and insidious.

Knows how to elude control, lull vigilance, deceive. He always has an excuse ready, a subterfuge, he will hide, or even lie at all. Unreliable, raises all sorts of doubts.

Contempt and distrust, suspicion and the desire to accuse.

A sad analogy: a brawler, a drunken, rebellious, crazy person. How - together, under one roof?

dislike

Child: damage and disappointment

It's nothing. We love children. Despite everything, they are our delight, cheerfulness, hope, joy, rest, the light of life. We do not frighten, we do not burden, we do not torment; the children are free and happy... But why are they, as it were, a burden, a hindrance, an inconvenient appendage?

Where does the dislike for a beloved child come from?

Before he could welcome this inhospitable world, confusion and restrictions had already crept into the life of the family. Gone are the irretrievably short months of long-awaited legitimate joy.

A long period of clumsy malaise is completed by illness and pain, restless nights and additional expenses. Peace has been lost, order has disappeared, the balance of the budget has been disturbed. Together with the sour smell of diapers and the shrill cry of a newborn, the chain of marital bondage rattled.

It’s hard when you can’t agree and you have to think and guess.

But we are waiting, perhaps even patiently. And when he finally begins to walk and talk, he gets underfoot, grabs everything, crawls into all the cracks, thoroughly interferes and brings disorder - a little slob and a despot.

Causes damage, opposes itself to our reasonable will. Demands and understands only what his darling wants.

Little things should not be neglected: resentment towards children consists of getting up early, and a crumpled newspaper, stains on dresses and wallpaper, a soaked carpet, broken glasses and a souvenir vase, spilled milk and perfume, and a doctor's fee.

Sleeps not when we want, eats not the way we want; we thought he would laugh, but he was frightened and crying. How fragile! Any oversight threatens with illness, promising new difficulties.

If one of the parents forgives, the other - in spite of that - does not let go and find fault; in addition to the mother, the father, the nanny, the servant and the neighbor have their own opinion about the child; and in defiance of the mother or secretly punish the child.

The little intriguer is the cause of friction and disagreement between adults; there is always someone dissatisfied and offended. For the indulgence of one child is responsible to another.

Often, simple negligence is hidden behind imaginary kindness, the child becomes the defendant for other people's faults. (Girls and boys do not like to be called: children. A common name with the smallest makes you answer for the long past, share the bad reputation of kids, listen to numerous reproaches that no longer apply to them, the elders.)

How seldom is a child the way we want, how often his growth is accompanied by a feeling of disappointment!

“It looks like it should have…

In return for what we give him voluntarily, he is obliged to try and reward, he is obliged to understand, agree and be able to refuse; and above all, to be grateful. And duties and requirements grow over the years, but are most often fulfilled less and differently than we would like.

Parents will graciously forgive the child: their indulgence follows from a clear consciousness of guilt that they gave him life, harmed him, crippled him. Sometimes a mother looks for a weapon in the imaginary illness of a child against other people's accusations and her own doubts.

The hard fate of the educator

A teacher in a private home rarely finds favorable conditions for working with children.

Bound by distrustful control, he is forced to maneuver between other people's pointers and his own convictions, a demand coming from outside and his own peace and comfort. Responsible for the child entrusted to him, he suffers the consequences of dubious decisions of legal guardians and employers. Forced to conceal and circumvent difficulties, the educator can easily become demoralized, get used to duplicity - become embittered and lazy.

As the years go by, the distance between what the adult wants and what the child strives for increases: the knowledge of impure ways of enslavement grows.

There are complaints about thankless work: if God wants to punish someone, then he makes him an educator.

Children, lively, noisy, interested in life and its mysteries, tire us; their questions and surprises, discoveries and attempts - often with unsuccessful results - torment.

* * *

Years of work more and more clearly confirmed that children deserve respect, trust and friendship, that we are pleased to be with them in this clear atmosphere of affectionate sensations, cheerful laughter, first vigorous efforts and surprises, pure, bright and sweet joys, that this work is alive, fruitful and beautiful.

There was only one doubt and concern.

Why sometimes the most reliable - and let you down? Why - though rarely, but there are - sudden outbursts of mass indiscipline of the entire group? Maybe adults are no better, only more solid, reliable, more calmly you can rely on them?

I searched hard and gradually found the answer.

1.If an educator looks for character traits and virtues in children that seem especially valuable to him, if he wants to make everyone in the same way, to captivate everyone in the same direction, he will be misled: some will forge under his requirements, others will sincerely succumb to suggestion - for the time being. And when the real appearance of the child is revealed, not only the educator, but also the child will painfully feel his defeat. The greater the effort to disguise or influence, the more violent the reaction; the child, revealed in his most authentic tendencies, has nothing to lose. What an important morality follows from this!

2.One measure of assessment for the teacher, the other for the guys: both he and they see spiritual wealth; he is waiting for this spiritual wealth to develop, and they are waiting for what use they will have from these wealth already now: will the child share what he owns, or will he consider himself entitled not to give - a proud, envious egoist, miser! He won’t tell fairy tales, he won’t play, he won’t draw, he won’t help and he won’t serve - “as if he is doing a favor”, “you need to beg”. Once in isolation, the child with a grand gesture wants to buy favor from his childish society, which joyfully welcomes the change. He didn’t suddenly get spoiled, but, on the contrary, he understood and corrected himself.

3. Everyone let down, offended everyone in a crowd. I found an explanation in a book on animal training - and I do not hide the source. The lion is not dangerous when he is angry, but when he plays out, he wants to play pranks; and the crowd is as strong as a lion...

The solution must be sought not so much in psychology as - and this is more often - in medicine, sociology, ethnology, history, poetry, criminalistics, in a prayer book and in a training manual. Ars longa. 2
Ars longa - the first part of the Latin proverb Ars longa, vita brevis - art is eternal, life is short.

4. The turn of the sunniest (oh, at least not the last!) explanation has come. The oxygen of the air can intoxicate a child, like vodka can intoxicate an adult. Excitation, inhibition of control centers, excitement, eclipse; as a reaction - embarrassment, an unpleasant aftertaste - heartburn, consciousness of guilt. My observation is clinically accurate. And the most respectable citizens may have a weak head.

Do not blame: this clear intoxication of children causes a feeling of touching and respect, does not alienate and divide, but brings together and makes allies.

adult hypocrisy

We build ourselves to perfection.

We hide our shortcomings and deeds that deserve punishment. Children are not allowed to criticize and notice our funny features, bad habits, funny sides. We build ourselves to perfection. Under the threat of the highest offense, we protect the secrets of the ruling class, the caste of the chosen ones - those who are attached to the highest sacraments. It is shameless to bare, and only a child can be pilloried.

We play marked cards with children; We beat the weaknesses of childhood with the aces of the virtues of adults.

Cheers, we juggle the cards in such a way that the worst in children is countered by what is good and valuable in us.

Where are our couch potatoes and frivolous gourmet gourmets, fools, lazybones, loafers, adventurers, unscrupulous people, rogues, drunkards and thieves? Where are our violence and open and secret crimes? How many squabbles, cunning, envy, slander, blackmail, words that cripple, deeds that disgrace! How many quiet family tragedies from which children suffer, the first martyrs - victims! And dare we accuse and consider them guilty?!

But adult society is carefully sifted and strained. How many human scum and filth have been carried away by gutters, absorbed by graves, prisons and lunatic asylums!

We command to respect elders, experienced ones, without reasoning; and the guys also have bosses closer to them - teenagers, with their obsessive persuasion and pressure.

Criminal and unbalanced guys wander without a guard and shove, push and offend, infect. And all children are jointly and severally responsible for them (after all, we, adults, sometimes get a little bit from them). These few revolt public opinion, standing out as bright spots on the surface of a child's life; it is they who dictate to the routine its methods: to keep the children in obedience, although it oppresses, with an iron fist, although it hurts, to be harsh, which means rude. 3
J. Korczak is referring to the Declaration of the Rights of the Child proclaimed on September 26, 1924 by the International Committee for the Protection of Children in Geneva.

We don't let kids get organized; neglecting, distrusting, disliking, we do not care about them; without the participation of experts we can not cope; and experts are children themselves.

Are we really so uncritical that the caresses with which we pursue children express our disposition? Do we really not understand that, caressing a child, we accept his caress, helplessly hide in his arms, seek protection and refuge in the hours of homeless pain, ownerless abandonment - we lay down on him the burden of suffering and sorrow?

Caressing a child, it is we who accept his caress, helplessly hide in his arms, seek protection and refuge in the hours of homeless pain, ownerless abandonment - lay down on him the burden of suffering and sorrow?

Any other caress - not an escape to the child and not a plea for hope - is a criminal search and the awakening of sensual sensations in him.

“I hug because I'm sad. Kiss, then ladies.

Selfishness, not disposition.

The right to respect

Does life exist as a joke? No, childhood is long, important years in a person's life.

The school creates the rhythm of hours, days and years. School workers must meet today's needs of young citizens. A child is a rational being, he is well aware of the needs, difficulties and obstacles of his life. Not despotic orders, not imposed discipline, not distrustful control, but tactful agreement, faith in experience, cooperation and living together! The child is not stupid; there are no more fools among them than among adults. Clothed in the purple robe of years, how often do we impose meaningless, uncritical, impracticable prescriptions! Sometimes a reasonable child stops in amazement before the aggression of caustic gray-haired stupidity.

The child is not stupid; there are no more fools among them than among adults.

The child has a future, but there is also a past: memorable events, memories and many hours of the most authentic solitary reflections. Just like us - not otherwise - he remembers and forgets, appreciates and underestimates, reasons logically and makes mistakes if he does not know. Cautiously believes and doubts.

The child is a foreigner, he does not understand the language, does not know the direction of the streets, does not know the laws and customs.

The child is a foreigner, he does not understand the language, does not know the direction of the streets, does not know the laws and customs. Sometimes he prefers to look around himself; difficult - ask for guidance and advice. Need a guide who will politely answer questions.

And at the same time, he, the child, will say: “I want to live my life,” and you, mother, will say: “Now live your life.”

With strong spasms you will push him out of your womb, regardless of his pain; powerfully and decisively, he will break through, regardless of your pain.

Atrocious act.

No - both you and he are subject to a hundred thousand elusive, light and wonderfully accurate impulses, so that, taking your share of life, you do not take more than is yours by right, universal and eternal.

"My child".

No, even in long months of hardship and hours of childbirth, the child is not yours.

You say: "My child."

No, this is a common child, mother and father, grandfathers and great-grandfathers.

Someone's distant "I", sleeping in a string of ancestors - the voice of a decayed, long-forgotten tomb suddenly spoke in your child.

Three hundred years ago, in wartime or in peacetime, someone took possession of someone (in a kaleidoscope of interbreeding races, peoples, classes) - with consent or by force, in a moment of horror or love languor - changed or seduced. No one knows who and where, but God wrote it down in the book of fate, and the anthropologist is trying to figure it out by the shape of the skull and the color of the hair.

It happens that an impressionable child fantasizes that he is a foundling in his parents' house. Yes: the one who gave birth to it died centuries ago. A child is a parchment, completely covered with hieroglyphs, only a part of which you will be able to read, and some you can erase or just cross out and put in your content.

Terrible law? No, beautiful. In each of your children, he sees the first link in the immortal chain of generations.

Look for this dormant particle of yours in your alien child. Perhaps you will solve it, perhaps you will even develop it.

Child and infinity.

Child and eternity.

A child is a speck of dust in space.

The child is a moment in time.

Payment for the love of parents

You say: “He must… I want him…”

And you choose for him what you should become - the life you would like.

Nothing but poverty and mediocrity all around. Nothing that is gray all around.

People fuss, bustle, try - petty worries, dull aspirations, base goals ...

Unfulfilled hopes, painful regrets, eternal longing.

There is injustice everywhere.

You become numb from soullessness, you suffocate from hypocrisy.

The one with fangs and claws attacks, the quiet withdraws into itself.

And not only people suffer, but also stain the soul ...

Who should be your child?

A fighter or just an employee? Commander or Private? Or just happy? Where is happiness, what is happiness? Do you know the way to it?

And are there people who know?

Are you okay?..

How to foresee, how to protect?

A moth above the foamy stream of life... How to give strength to wings without reducing flight, temper them without tiring? By your own example, helping with advice, word and deed? What if he rejects?

Fifteen years later, he is turned to the future, you to the past. You have memories and habits, he has belts of the new and bold hope. You doubt, he waits and believes, you are afraid, but he is fearless.

Youth, if it does not scoff, does not curse, does not despise, always strives to remake the imperfect past.

That's the way it should be. And yet… Let him search, if only he doesn’t stray, let him climb, if only he doesn’t break, let him eradicate, if only he doesn’t break his hands into blood, let him fight, only carefully, carefully.

– I have a different opinion. Pretty guardianship.

So you don't trust?

- Don't you need me?

- Are you tired of my love?

- My imprudent child, you do not know life, poor, ungrateful!

Ungrateful.

Is the earth thankful for the sun that shines on it? A tree to a seed, what has grown from it? Does the mother's nightingale sing that she warmed him with her breast?

Do you give back to your child what you took from your parents, or do you just borrow to get back, carefully recording and calculating interest? Is it a merit of love that you demand payment?

Maternal love is an element. People remade it in their own way. The entire civilized world, with the exception of the masses, who have not been touched by culture, is engaged in infanticide. The couple, who have two children, although there could be twelve, are the murderers of ten unborn, and among them was one, it was he who was “their child.” Perhaps among the unborn, they killed the most valuable.

So what to do?

Raise not these children who were not born, but those who are born and will live.

Are you healthy?

It is also so strange that he is no longer herself. Until recently, in their double life, fear for the child was a particle of fear for oneself.

She wished so badly for this to be over, so badly for this moment to be over. I thought it would be free from worries and worries.

And now?

A strange thing: before the child was closer to her, more her own, she was more confident in his safety, understood him better. I thought that she knew, she would be able to ... From the moment when the care of him passed into the wrong hands, experienced, paid and confident, the mother - alone, relegated to the background - is worried.

The world is already taking him away from her.

And in the long hours of forced inactivity, the mother asks herself: what did I give him, what did I give him, what did I reward him with? Healthy? So why are you crying?

Why is he thin, sucks badly, does not sleep, sleeps so much, why does he have such a big head, legs are twisted, fists clenched, red skin, white pimples on his nose, squinting eyes, why does he hiccup, sneezed, chokes, hoarse?

Is that how it should be? Or maybe she is being lied to?

And she looks at this small, helpless creature, unlike any of the exact same small and helpless creatures that she saw on the street or in the park.

Is he really in three or four months? ..

Or maybe they are wrong?

Maybe overlooked?

Handsome or ugly

The mother listens with distrust to the doctor, examining him with her eyes: she wants to understand by the eyes, the shrug of the shoulders, the raised eyebrow, the furrowed forehead: is he telling the truth and is he concentrated enough. “Is it beautiful? And I don't care." This is what insincere mothers say, wanting to emphasize their serious view of the goals of education.

Beauty, grace, a pleasant voice - the capital transferred by you to the child; like the mind and like health, it facilitates the path of life. But one should not overestimate beauty: not supported by other virtues, it can be harmful. (And even more so it requires vigilant thought.) A beautiful child must be brought up differently than an ugly one. And since education does not exist without the participation of the child himself in it, one should not shyly hide from children the meaning of beauty, because this is what spoils.

Do you want to hide from the child that he is beautiful? If no one from the family tells him about it, strangers will tell him: on the street, in the store, in the park, everywhere - with an exclamation, a smile, a look, adults or peers.

This pseudo-contempt for human beauty is a relic of the Middle Ages. A person who is sensitive to the beauty of a flower, a butterfly, a landscape, how to remain indifferent to the beauty of a person? Do you want to hide from the child that he is beautiful? If no one from the family tells him about it, strangers will tell him: on the street, in the store, in the park, everywhere - with an exclamation, a smile, a look, adults or peers. The evil share of ugly and ugly children will say. And the child will understand that beauty gives special rights, as he understands that this is his hand and it serves him.

Just as a weak child can develop safely, and a healthy one can fall into a catastrophe, so a beautiful one can turn out to be unhappy, and dressed in an armor of unattractiveness - unremarkable, unnoticed - live happily.

For you must, must remember that life, noticing every valuable quality, will want to buy it, lure it or steal it. This balance of thousandth deviations gives rise to surprises that amaze the educator with painful multiple “why?”.

“I don’t care if he’s handsome or ugly.

You start with error and hypocrisy.

At first the mother asks anxiously, soon she will demand.

Eat, though full, even with disgust; go to bed, at least with tears, even if you fall asleep only after an hour.

I must, I demand that you be healthy.

Do not play with sand, do not go disheveled: I demand that you be beautiful.

“He doesn’t speak yet… He’s older than… despite this, yet… He’s not studying well…”

Instead of observing, studying and knowing, the first "successful" child who comes across is taken and a demand is made to his own: this is who you should be like.

good or comfortable

Good child.

We must beware of mixing good with - convenient.

He cries a little, does not wake us up at night, is trustful, calm - good.

And the bad one is capricious, screams for no obvious reason, gives the mother more unpleasant emotions than pleasant ones.

A child may be more or less patient from birth, regardless of how he feels. From one, a unit of sickness is enough to give a reaction of ten units of screaming, and the other reacts to a dozen units of sickness with one unit of crying.

One is lethargic, movements are lazy, sucking is slow, a cry without acute tension, a clear emotion.

The other is easily excitable, the movements are alive, the sleep is sensitive, the sucking is furious, the cry is up to the blue. It will go in, suffocate, it is necessary to bring it to life, sometimes with difficulty it comes back to life. I know it's a disease, we treat it with fish oil, phosphorus and a dairy-free diet. But this disease allowed the baby to grow into a man of mighty will, spontaneous onslaught, and a brilliant mind.

Napoleon used to cry as a child.

All modern education is aimed at making the child comfortable, consistently, step by step, striving to lull, suppress, destroy everything that is the will and freedom of the child, the steadfastness of his spirit, the strength of his demands.

Polite, obedient, good, comfortable, and there is no thought that he will be internally weak-willed and vitally weak.

The cry of a child is an unpleasant surprise for a young mother.

She knew that the children were crying, but, thinking about her own, she overlooked: she was waiting for some captivating smiles.

He will observe everything necessary, he will educate intelligently, modernly, under the supervision of an experienced doctor. Her child must not cry.

But the night comes when she, stunned (the echoes of heavy hours that lasted centuries are still alive), barely feeling the sweetness of fatigue without worries, laziness without self-flagellation, rest after the completed work, desperate tension, the first in her pampered life; barely giving in to the illusion that everything is over, for it, the child - this other one - already breathes by itself; touched, capable of asking only questions of nature full of mysterious whispers, not even demanding an answer ...

...Suddenly hears...

The despotic cry of a child who demands something, complains about something, seeks help, but she does not understand!

stay awake!

“Yes, if I can’t, I don’t want, I don’t know how!”

Today you don't blame him; he does not understand, suffers.

When to learn to understand

But there is an hour on the dial of time when you say: "And I feel, and I suffer."

There are newborns and babies who cry a little - so much the better. But there are also those who, from screaming, swell veins on their foreheads, their crowns protrude, crimson paint floods their face and head, their lips turn blue, their toothless mouth trembles, their tummy swells, their fists clench convulsively, their legs pound through the air. Suddenly, he falls silent without strength, with an expression of complete resignation looks “reproachfully” at his mother, closes his eyes, praying for sleep, and after several hasty breaths and exhalations, again a similar, and perhaps even stronger attack of screaming.

Can this little lung, tiny heart, young brain survive?

Help, doctor!

An eternity passes before the doctor appears and listens with a condescending smile to her fears, such a stranger, impregnable, professional, for him this child is one in a thousand. He appears in order to leave in a minute to other sufferings, to listen to other complaints, he appears now, in the afternoon, when his soul is cheerful: the sun, people on the street; appears when the child has just fallen asleep, apparently exhausted from hours without sleep, and traces of a nightmarish night are barely visible.

Mother listens, sometimes listens inattentively. Dreams of a doctor-friend, adviser, guide in a difficult journey were dispelled forever.

She hands over the fee and again remains alone in the sad conviction that the doctor is an indifferent stranger who will not understand. Yes, he himself hesitates, he did not say anything definitely.

Know she how important these first days and weeks are, and not so much for the health of the child now, but for the future of both of them!

And how easy it is to miss!

Instead of coming to terms with the idea that if the doctor is interested in her child only because it brings income or flatters vanity, then for the world he is nothing, and is dear only to her ...

Instead of coming to terms with the current state of science, which guesses, tries to find out, studies and takes a step forward - knows, but is not sure, helps, but does not give guarantees ...

Instead of courageously establishing that raising a child is not sweet fun, but a business that requires capital investments - hard feelings, worries of sleepless nights and many, many thoughts ...

Instead of melting all this in the fire of feelings into honest knowledge without illusions, without childish snorting and selfish bitterness, she is able to transfer the child with the nanny to a back room, because she “cannot look” at the torment of the baby, “cannot hear” him plaintive appeals; able to call doctors again and again without gaining any experience - nailed down, stupefied, stupefied.

How naive is the mother's joy that she understood the child's first obscure speech, that she guessed the confused, incomplete words!

Only now?.. Only this?.. And no more?..

And the language of crying and laughter, the language of eyes and lips with a frying pan, the language of movements and sucking?..

Don't give up on these nights! They give what the book and no one's advice will give. The value of these nights is not only in knowledge, but also in a deep spiritual upheaval, which does not allow you to return to fruitless reflections: "What could be, what should be, how good it would be if ...", but teaches you to act in conditions which are present.

On these nights, a wondrous ally can be born, the guardian angel of the child - the intuition of the mother's heart, clairvoyance, which consists of an inquisitive will, a keen thought, unclouded feelings.

It also happened: my mother calls me.

- The child is healthy, there is nothing with him. But I would like you to watch it.

I look around, I give some instructions, I answer questions. Yes, healthy, dear, cheerful!

- Goodbye!

There is a wonderful book by Janusz Korczak, How to Love a Child. She is not a panacea for all parenting ... Only help, showing solutions, or hinder ...

Ersh Henrik Goldschmit - doctor, Polish teacher and writer. Pseudonym Janusz Korczak.

In psychology, there is such a concept as “ecology of action”. So, it implies an impulse to action: not against something, but for something. In other words, it allows you to reveal the best qualities of a person, and not to awaken in him “evil”, “contrary”, “in defiance”, “if you are like this with me, then I am with you like that, and no one knows who will be worse.”

Why all this? We all love our children as parents. We love and know what they should be. And also what is better for them and what is worse. We decide: what they will wear, with whom they should be friends, and with whom they should not, what books and programs to read, watch, listen to ... We all know, because we are adults - experienced, and we love them - small, unintelligent. And all they need is to obey us and do what they are told. It's for the good! This is love: to protect, care, protect, warn, protect ...

That's just why children sometimes cry, argue, and then completely persistently try to escape and fly away from under the caring parental wing? Why would they move away from such sincere, deep, all-consuming love? Maybe we somehow don't like them so much? Then how do you need it right for everyone to feel good?

How to love a child - without a system about a system of values

There is a wonderful book by Janusz Korczak, How to Love a Child. It is not a panacea for all parenting mistakes. Not a training manual with prescriptions, tasks and their solutions. Not a set of recipes and ready-made formulas. Not a Talmud or a set of laws with unconditional infallible postulates. This is a heart-to-heart conversation: direct, open, without allegories and omissions - with parents and with those who are just about to become parents in the distant or near future.

A conversation with someone who gave his all to the children, and they called him their king. Janusz Korczak wrote the book at a time when all feelings are heightened - at the forefront. He was mobilized to the front as a military doctor. During the fighting, Henrik Goldschmidt (by that name he was known to those who were associated with effective medical practice) healed wounds. Now the work of Janusz Korczak (this is the name of a writer and teacher, whose talent and authority is recognized throughout the world) heals souls, without losing either its brightness, or its relevance, or value. “How to love a child” is like a wise and eternal bible. Parent only:

• understandable (accessible form of presentation);
• provoking (put it aside, and thoughts weave their thread, an inner look carefully peers into your soul);
• effective (here is the situation, here are its consequences - without embellishment and mythical riddles);
• explaining (rather than calling to follow unquestioningly, the decision is yours);
• analyzing (“I don’t know” - a reason to look for an answer and find solutions).

This book is a revelation for those who say "my child", claiming exclusive ownership. The main secret of love from Janusz Korczak is that every newborn, without exception, is not an unreasonable child, but an individuality, a personality. It has its own innate temperament, the intellect bestowed on it by nature and parents, the ability to sense oneself, feel well, receive information, analyze and draw conclusions, receiving first life impressions. And it is impossible to force, force this person to open up. She can only be helped by showing solutions, or hindered by imposing them. The choice is up to the parents, eager to love or giving love, realizing that in a few years the child will look and strive to the future, and those who gave birth to him will look back - to the past, measuring, trying on options, using the subjunctive "if".

Yes, yes, that’s right, you can give wings to a child, or you can cut them, swaddling love on your legs and arms so that you don’t take a step to the left or right. Or cut off completely, tying the growing baby with the words “you owe me your life”, forbidding to search, experiment, storm new horizons. To love a child is to grow with him.

Old Doctor, King, teacher-writer, director, concentration camp prisoner

The son of a respected Warsaw lawyer Janusz Korczak (Hirsch, Henrik Goldschmidt) became famous at the age of 18, publishing his first pedagogical reflection article. Medicine, journalism, pedagogy are its three main incarnations. And there was also active social work, journalism, the duties of an expert on children's issues ... Children for Korczak were the meaning of his whole life. He broadcast for them, calling himself the Old Doctor. For their sake, he founded and actually maintained the orphanage “House of Orphans”. He wrote a lot of literary, journalistic, pedagogical works about them. Together with them, he published a magazine for 13 years. In their name, he stepped into the gas chamber of the Treblinka concentration camp, although he could have avoided the painful execution.

The children loved him immensely, calling him their King (that's right - with a respectful capital letter). The Nazis, recognizing the merits of the Polish-Jewish teacher, an innovator (!), whose name was known throughout the world, gave him "freedom" and the opportunity not to sit with the children in the car going to the death camp.

Writer Janusz Korczak laid down his life so that we can understand how to love a child. This book is on the world list of pedagogical literature and today is listed as a leader in the education of man in man. It is permeated with love, which is based on the freedom and equality of a small thinking and sensitive person - a child. On the basis of this love, peculiar commandments are derived. The first part of them can be interpreted something like this:

1. love - love children in general - not only your own;
2. observe (methodically, consistently, tirelessly) the child;
3. do not put pressure on the personal "I" of the descendant;
4. before demanding honesty from a child, be, first of all, honest with yourself;
5. know yourself without taking advantage of "I am an adult" - the child is defenseless.

The second is more specific:

1. Don't expect your child to repeat your path or become you exactly as you wished. Give him the opportunity to fulfill himself.
2. The sun does not require gratitude from the earth for shining on it. You have no right to demand payment for what you have done. For the life you gave, the child will thank the birth of a new life.
3. If you don’t want to be left without a cup of water in old age, don’t take anger, resentment and dissatisfaction on a descendant. What he planted, he collected.
4. A child has much less experience than you, he only collects it, so his life is no less complicated than yours. His problems deserve attention, not condescending neglect.
5. Do not offend with humiliation!
6. Do not miss the most important meeting - a meeting with a child, it is not given to us to know who and what we meet in them.
7. If you do not have the opportunity, the means to do something for the baby, do not torture and do not curse yourself. Torment deserves the one who can, but does not want to. Remember, not enough is done for a child if everything is not done.
8. A child is a vessel handed over to us for careful storage and kindling in it the flame of knowledge. Save his soul, not locking it in the cage "ours", "mine".
9. As you yourself dream and expect to be treated of your baby, so treat someone else, do not do to someone else that you do not want your own.
10. Love child. No matter what: talented and ordinary, successful and defeated - everyone. Just love and hurry to enjoy the joy of communication with the growing baby. Unfortunately, this holiday is only temporary.

Lifelong book

The child was born. I took my first breath. Step. Said "mom". Survived the first meeting with the real world. Has grown up. Increased. This is a summary of Janusz Korczak's book. And in each of her steps - the magnificence of the disclosure of the greatest miracle of nature - the child.

Perhaps the best review of How to Love a Child was its enduring relevance and enduring wisdom. Epochs change. People. But at each stage of development, a person becomes a person, knowing himself, experiencing periods of formation and growth. Emotional. Psychological. Physiological. They are inseparable. How inseparable is the bond between loving parents and beloved children, although each of them has their own way of life. That's the way it should be. Everyone goes their own way. The task of loving parents is not to spread a downy feather bed on potholes so that the child does not get hurt, but to lend a hand, making it possible to overcome the difficulty.

Publishing house "U-Factoria", 2005

rattling ragged boots,

We do not go along, but across,

And they take, mixed up, the policemen

Leather hand under the visor.

And the weeping subsides in hell wagon,

And over the whole farewell beacon -

With a flame on a green banner -

Clover, clover, golden clover.

Maybe life was different

Only this fairy tale does not lie to you,

To your last carriage

To your purgatory-wagon,

To the wagon smelling of chlorine

With the song comes "House of orphans":

A. Galich

Many wonderful books tell us about how to love your child, how to educate, treat, understand him, but not every book can be called a "bible for parents." "How to love a child" is the bible. Because she teaches love. True love - without systems, special techniques or the personal opinion of the author enclosed in official clothes.

The pediatrician, teacher Janusz Korczak, the founder and head of the famous "House of Orphans", the author of books on pedagogy, during the Great Patriotic War, died in a gas chamber along with his pupils from the boarding school "House of Orphans" in Warsaw in the extermination camp Treblinka. According to legend, they prepared an escape for him, but he chose to stay with his wards.

The beating of a tiny heart, like a peach pit, is the echo of your pulse. Your breath gives him oxygen. Common blood flows in both of you, and not a single red drop of it knows whether it will be yours or his, or, having poured out, will die, as a constant tribute to the mystery of conception and birth. The loaf of bread that you chew is the building material of the legs on which he will run, the skin that will cover him, the eyes with which he will see, the brain in which a thought will be born, the hands that he will stretch out to you, smiles, with who will exclaim:

"Mother!"

It is impossible to write about this book without pathos, it is difficult to quote fragments of it. It just needs to be read by everyone. Future and established parents, people who are looking for parental instincts in themselves, who doubt the correctness of their views on education and love for children.

We must be careful not to confuse "good" with "convenient."

Cries little, does not wake up at night, trusting, obedient - good.

Capricious, screams for no apparent reason, his mother does not see the light because of him - bad.

Regardless of how they feel, newborns are endowed with more or less patience from birth. For one, one discomfort is enough to respond with ten units of screaming, the other reacts with ten units of malaise with a unit of crying. One sleepy, lazy movements, sucks slowly, the cry is not energetic, without anguish. The second is easily excitable, mobile, sleeps sensitively, sucks excitedly, screams until he's blue in the face. It starts, chokes, you have to bring it to yourself, sometimes with difficulty comes back to life. I know it's a disease, we treat it with phosphorus, a dairy-free diet. But this disease does not prevent the baby from growing into an adult, endowed with a strong will, crushing perseverance and a brilliant mind. Napoleon in infancy used to start screaming. Modern upbringing requires that the child be comfortable. Step by step, it leads to neutralizing it, crushing it, destroying everything that is the will and freedom of the child, the tempering of his spirit, the strength of his demands and aspirations.

"Obediant, well-mannered, kind, comfortable..."

And there is no thought that he will grow up weak-willed and not adapted to life.

Janusz Korczak is called the children's king. In his House of Orphans, he invented and introduced a set of laws based on the preferences of children, their lifestyle, their views on the world. For example, a real court worked in the House. Most often, Korczak himself ended up in the dock: he filed applications against himself so that the children would decide his fate with all severity. They say that the children's court delivered 95% of acquittals. With all this, in his institution there was an amazing discipline and mutual understanding between teachers and pupils.

If only a young mother knew how important these first days and weeks are, not so much for the health of the child today, but for the future of both.

And how easy it is to ruin them!

Instead of reconciling herself to the idea, having understood this, that she can rely only on herself and no one else, that just as her child is of interest to a doctor only as a source of income or a means of satisfying vanity, so for the world he nothing that he is dear only to her alone ... Instead of reconciling with the current state of science, which explores, seeks to understand, studies and moves forward, provides assistance, but does not give guarantees ... Instead of courageously stating: raising a child is not pleasant fun, and work, in which you need to invest the efforts of sleepless nights, the capital of difficult experiences and a lot of reflection ... Instead of melting all this in the crucible of feelings for a sober understanding, without childish choking and selfish insults, it is able to transfer the child, along with the nurse, to the farthest room (you see, she is unable to look "at the suffering of the little one", "unable to listen to his painful cry").

She will again and again call the doctor, without enriching even a grain of her own experience - destroyed, stunned, stupefied. How naive is the mother's joy that she understands the first slurred speech of the child, guesses his abbreviated, unpronounceable words.

It is difficult to say in one sentence what the book "How to love a child" is about. It covers all periods from conception to the formation of an adult personality: pregnancy, early age, transitional age, a set of parental delusions. Notes are also interesting from the point of view of a doctor, the same doctor that young mothers of all times and peoples do not get tired of dreaming about.

The child has been crying since birth, she did not notice anything else behind him. Cries and cries! Does the crying start abruptly and culminate immediately, or does a plaintive whimper gradually turn into a cry? Does he calm down quickly, immediately after a stomach upset or urination, or after vomiting or spitting up, or does it happen that he suddenly screams when dressing, in the bath, when being picked up? Does his crying look like a complaint - drawn out, without sharp transitions? What movements does he make when crying? Does he rub his head against the pillow, does he make sucking movements with his lips? Does it calm down when it is worn, when it is unfolded, placed on the tummy, often changed position? After crying, does she fall asleep deeply and for a long time, or does she wake up at the slightest noise? Does he cry before or after eating, when does he cry more: in the morning, in the evening or at night? Does he calm down during feeding, for how long? Does he refuse to breastfeed? How does he refuse - does he let go of the nipple, barely taking it with his lips, or before swallowing, suddenly or after some time? Does he categorically refuse or can you still persuade? How does he suck? Why not suck? When he has a cold, how will he suckle? Quickly and with force, because he wants to drink, and then quickly and superficially, unevenly, with pauses, because there is not enough breath? Add pain when swallowing, what will happen then?

The child cries not only from hunger or because the "tummy hurts", but also from the fact that the lips, gums, tongue, throat, nose, fingers, ear, bones, anus scratched by the enema hurt, from pain when urinating, from nausea , thirst, overheating, itching of the skin, on which there is no rash yet, but will be in a few months, crying because of the stiff ribbon, the crease in the diaper, the tiny lump of cotton stuck in the throat, the husk of the seed that has fallen out of the canary cage.

Call the doctor for ten minutes, but watch yourself for twenty hours!

Nobody can teach love. A mother who is raising her child with an iron hand believes that she cuts off the excess in him, like with Pinocchio. And love is a kind of good attitude that a child should feel by default. Unfortunately and fortunately, children understand love and are able to see everything: carefully concealed irritation, mother's preoccupation with her thoughts, dislike of mother herself by her parents or relatives.

While playing, they express their true views, as the author develops the main idea in the course of the play. Therefore, in their games one can so often notice an unconscious satire on adults: when they play school, pay visits, receive guests, treat dolls, buy and sell, hire and fire maids. Passive children are serious about playing at school, they are eager to receive praise, active children take on the role of mischievous people, whose antics often cause a unanimous protest from adults: are they betraying their true, negative attitude towards school?

We do not like some children's games, dreams, daring. The child walks on all fours and growls to understand how animals behave, imitates a lame, hunched old man, mows, stutters, staggers like a drunk, imitates a crazy person seen on the street, walks with his eyes closed (blind), plugs his ears (deaf), lies on his back and holds his breath (dead), looks through glasses, puffs on a cigarette; secretly winds the watch, cuts off the wings of a fly (how will it fly without them); lifts a steel feather with a magnet; looks at the ears (what kind of drums are there), knees (where are the cups); invites the girl to play doctor in the hope of seeing how she is there; runs with a magnifying glass to make a fire fighter from the sun; listens to what is noisy in the sink; strikes flint on flint.

Everything that he can be convinced of, he wants to check, see, learn, and still so much remains that he has to take his word for it.

In one of his books, he wrote: “One of the grossest mistakes is to consider that pedagogy is considered a science about a child, and not about a person ... In the field of feelings, a child surpasses adults in strength, because inhibition has not been worked out ... In the field of intelligence, at least they just lack experience.” Too high level of understanding, inaccessible depth of soul. Is it possible to love? Or maybe that's the only way to do it?

“I water the flowers. My bald spot in the window is such a good target. He has a carbine. Why is he standing and looking calmly? There is no order. Or maybe, before military service, he was a village teacher or a notary, a janitor? What would he do if I nodded my head at him? Friendly wave? Maybe he doesn't even know how things really are? He could only come yesterday, from afar…”

This is the last line of Janusz Korczak.

He was looking for a man even in the SS.