What to do if you fall in love with your best friend. How to know if your best friend loves you

You never get tired of communication, even after spending the whole day together. All his jokes will make you laugh, and you feel good next to him. You like the same series, music, books... And one day you suddenly notice how beautiful his eyes are. Then pay attention to the arms, legs, body. What soft lips! Wait, wait, that's a close friend. You've known each other for many years! What are you thinking about?

Friendship forms a strong bond and allows you to truly get to know a person. Often the strongest and closest love relationships are between those who are good friends. But when you wonder if something more is possible between you, trying to take the step from friendship to romance can seem like something serious and even treacherous.

First of all, you need to understand whether you want to directly express feelings. After all, it is possible that friendship will eventually turn into beautiful love on its own. But another option is also possible, in which none of you will dare to admit that friendship has grown into love. As a result, both of you will want something more and at the same time be afraid to do anything to achieve the goal.

The initial reaction may be unpleasant or unexpected, but this does not necessarily mean that nothing will change in the future.

Here are three tips to help you decide what to do if you fall in love with a boyfriend or girlfriend:

1. Do not rush to immediately report your crazy love. If you value friendship with this person, we do not recommend running to him, loudly declaring love. Assess the risks first. Hiding feelings by pretending they don't exist can be very painful, and we don't advise you to just keep them to yourself. But it would be wise to think carefully about what you are going to do.

It is impossible to predict in advance how he or she will react to the news that you have romantic feelings or sexual attraction for them. Your confession can change the whole relationship dynamic. It is possible that your friend or girlfriend will be too uncomfortable to maintain the previous close relationship if it turns out that the feelings are not mutual or you cannot be a couple for some other reason.

But it is also possible that your friend or girlfriend themselves is not fully aware of their feelings for you. In other words, their initial reaction may be unpleasant or unexpected, but this does not necessarily mean that nothing will change in the future. Try to consider all possible options.

2. Be sincere. When talking about feelings, choose your words. You probably know this person well. If you feel like saying "I'm madly in love with you" directly would be too much, try expressing your feelings sincerely, but in a more subtle way. For example, you could say something like, “I realized that my feelings for you have changed. I want to be more than just a friend to you. What do you think about it?"

Even if such phrases do not reflect the feelings raging in your soul, they show intentions. This will allow you to discuss the future without forcing your friend or girlfriend to run without looking back.

Maybe over time you will understand without words that the feelings are mutual.

3. Open your heart and listen carefully. As already mentioned, your friend or girlfriend may be slightly shocked by your confession. Even if the feelings turn out to be mutual, the transition from friendship to love is a serious change.

Take a deep breath, open your heart and listen to the answer. If it is made clear to you that there is no reciprocity and the friendship will never become something more, show respect for the decision. Consider whether you want to continue being friends or if you need a break from socializing.

Hello! My name is Ann.
My friends and I are creating a rock band. We write poetry, music, record our well-performed songs and put them on the Internet.
There are only 6 people in our group.
I am a vocalist.
We have a bass player Ramil in the band. We are good friends with him, as well as with everyone else. The guys love to torment me (well, in a friendly way, of course), squeal, cuddle. They love to hug. In general, they love me very much.
I also have a boyfriend, his name is Zhenya. To him, in my story, I will return later.
So let's get back to Ramil. He loves hugging me the most. He is by my side at every rehearsal.
At first he just hugged me. Then he started holding my hands. Iron them.
Then he started kissing my neck. At first I was shaking because of this. But then somehow quickly, in a few days, I got used to it. It's nice. Even very much, but there is one BUT.
It annoys me that it's not my boyfriend who kisses me, but our bass player.
Today, during a rehearsal, the whole group of us went out of the building of the Palace of Culture into the air. Just breathe. Then they went back and stood near the window in the corridor. We chatted. Ramil hugged me as usual. Then, one by one, they began to go back to the office.
And that's when we were left alone with Ramil. Alone. Hugging.
We stood like that for a long time. He began to hug him tighter, but I, as his best friend, also hugged him. He started kissing my neck. I betrayed the value. He does this often now.
But then he started to lightly nibble on my neck, which turned me on.
He slowly approached my cheeks.
Then a kiss on the tip of the lips.
You know, my thoughts flew somewhere. I didn't think about anything.
And then he kissed me. ON THE LIPS.
He clung to my lips, and for a long time did not want to let go.
“GOD! WHAT IS HE DOING? RAMIL, DO NOT!” flashed in my head, but he, like an ordinary person, does not hear my thoughts. But then I gave in to my feelings..
Now I regret this evening..
I love my boyfriend very much, although he is not as gentle as Ramil. But I still love..
Ramil told me "If you want, I can not tell anyone about what happened." I said what I want. And he just kissed me again and let go.
I'm sure no one will know about it. The main thing is that Zhenya does not know.
I need him. I love him madly.
I didn't want this to happen to Ramil.
I'm sorry about that.
I am sure that Zhenya will not know about what happened. But I have a fear that this will happen. I'm afraid.
He won't forgive me if he finds out. He will leave.
I don't want to tell him I love him.
And Ramil is my best friend. But what to do with it now? My best friend fell in love with me. And it looks like he is ready to meet with me quietly from everyone. Apparently it's not hard for him. But I don't want that.
I would like him to remain my friend. No more. Love and friendship are completely different levels of relationships. And I want us to remain friends.
But now it won't work very well. He will want to kiss me.
Please tell me what should I do?
I want to keep my best friend and loved one so that he does not find out anything.

There may come a point in your friendship one day when you start to wonder if you want to be more than just friends with your close friend. Romantic feelings can develop at any moment, and you may see some changes in your friend's behavior towards you. These signs will help you understand if your friend has romantic feelings for you, or if your relationship will remain at the level of friendship.

Steps

Notice changes in your friend's behavior

Compare how your friends treat you. When spending time with mutual friends, pay attention to whether your friend treats you the same way as other friends. Perhaps he is more affectionate, more sociable with you, perhaps he makes comments to you about your relationship.

• If your best friend treats you the same way he treats his other friends, he is unlikely to have romantic feelings for you. A friend who treats you the same way he treated his ex-girlfriend is more likely to like you.
• This will help you understand if a friend feels sympathy or is just acting friendly towards you.

1. Pay attention to your time together. Naturally, you often spend time with your best friend. Ask yourself if your meetings are like dates? For example, do you go out to dinner and to the movies? If so, do you usually only do it as a couple?

   • If a person begins to have romantic feelings for you, they want to spend as much time with you as possible. If you notice that you are spending more time with each other than before, if your meetings have become like dates, most likely your friend feels sympathy for you.
   • Also pay attention to whether your friend tells you that he likes to spend one-on-one time with you. Perhaps this is a way of letting you know that he wants a romantic relationship with you.

2. Listen to how he speaks. First, listen to how your friend talks about you to other people, as well as how he talks to you. If a person likes someone, he will communicate with him in a special tone of voice that will be intended for him. In addition, when talking with you, your friend may be nervous and blush.

   • Pay attention to how your friend laughs at your jokes and reacts to everything you do. If his reaction is much stronger than expected, he may just like you.
   • Friends don't feel awkward talking to each other, so if you start noticing that your friend has become shy and timid when discussing things with you, he might like you. For example, if he suddenly becomes shy when you talk about school dances or dates you were on.

3. Listen to what your friend is telling you. Perhaps he is trying to subtly hint at his feelings. For example, he may start romantic topics or ask you directly if you like someone right now. In addition, he may try to make your relationship more trusting by asking you very personal questions about your life, dreams, goals and desires.

   • Since this is your best friend, he is sure to listen very carefully to what you say. You may have noticed that he suddenly began to remember small details about your life that are usually quickly forgotten (for example, when you have an exam or some important event). Your friend can show you that he remembers this event by commenting on it or wishing you good luck.

4. Pay attention to flirtatious behavior. If your friend is flirting with you, they may like you, but they may just be a very flirtatious person in their own right. You need to be able to understand what this flirting means, but you already know this person well enough, and this is your advantage. Look out for signs of flirting:

   Pay attention to how he behaves. You may have noticed that your friend has started to pay more attention to his appearance when you spend time together. For example, he can dress beautifully or wear what you like (if this is a girl, style his hair and make up). If a person likes someone, he often tries to show himself in front of him in the best possible way.

   • If you're starting to notice that your friend is spending more time trying to look good when you're about to meet, he might like you.

Pay attention to body language

1. Pay attention to body language, to attempts to attract you. If a person wants to attract someone, he demonstrates this through behavior. There are a whole lot of different ways to show you like it, and if you've noticed a few of these signs in your friend, he might like you. So, look out for the following signs:

2. Notice if your friend is trying to get closer to you. If he likes you, he will try to initiate physical contact. For example, if before you did not hug when you met, now you hug every time you see each other.

   • In addition, physical contact may be different from what it was before. For example, instead of patting your hand, your friend will try to hug you. Or he may stroke your knee or arm.

3. Pay attention to exactly when your friend tries to touch you. Physical contact between friends is normal, but you may have noticed that your friend has started touching you more than before. He may show affection by hugging you, placing his hand on your shoulder, or touching your hand.

   • For example, he may “accidentally” touch your palm when you are around. Perhaps he is overwhelmed with emotions, and he cannot touch you in another way (for example, hug). But he wants to be near you.
   • If you don't feel comfortable with your friend touching you, tell them in a polite and kind way.

Rate your relationship

1. Think about how you feel. Do you have romantic feelings for your friend? Ask yourself if you would like to be romantically involved with this person, if that were possible? The fact that you perceive this person as a romantic partner will greatly influence how you feel about their behavior.

   • If you want to be romantically involved with this person, try to be honest with them about your feelings. If you have noticed some of the signs listed above, most likely this person also likes you. Try hinting that you like someone, see how he reacts. Or ask a friend if he likes someone.
   • For example, you can say: "Zhen, I thought a lot about our friendship, and I think that we are good together, and we could be a couple."

2. Watch your behavior. Perhaps you made some hints about the relationship to your friend without even thinking about it. For example, you might accidentally flirt with him, be more open and affectionate with him. If you don't see your friend as a romantic partner, you shouldn't be nice and open with him or he might think you're flirting with him.

   • If you want to date him, try to hint to him that you are interested in him.

3. Talk to your friends. You may be embarrassed that your best friend is romantically attracted to you. Talk to a close friend/girlfriend, get his/her opinion on the situation and try to find out if your friend likes someone you like.

   • But be careful that later rumors do not reach your friend that you are discussing him behind his back. Talk to friends you really trust and who are aware of your situation.
   • You can just talk to your friends and "by the way" find out if someone you like is the object of your adoration. For example, you can say something like: “Listen, I noticed that Zhenya no longer talks about Katya, do you know who he likes now?”

4. Talk to him. If you're not sure, just ask. This is the only reliable way to find out if a person likes you (although, of course, this method is risky). On the one hand, your friend may not want to put your friendship at risk, and therefore he will not be very comfortable sharing his feelings with you.

   Think very carefully about this question. If your friend doesn't want to open up to you or responds with something dismissive (eg: "No way, are you out of your mind? We're just friends"), just leave the thread. Try to defuse the situation by saying something like, “Okay, no problem, I was just curious. It's still cool."

   • If your friend is just afraid to let you know they like you or is struggling with their feelings, it may take time for them to open up to you. Be patient and tactful, do not put pressure on your friend.

5. Say that you really appreciate your friendship. The person should know that friendship is very important to you and that you care about him. Whether you date your friend or not, your friendship is something special that cannot be lost.

   • If your friend likes you and you don't share his feelings, you may need to take a break. It's painful and frustrating, but your friend will need time to work through his feelings and move on.
   • Tell him that you are worried about your relationship: “Sash, our friendship means a lot to me. You are a great friend, I'm so glad that I have you, I hope we can still be best friends."