How to become easy in communication with your husband. How to communicate with the man you love. Psychology of communication with a man: what to talk about

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

“... the psychology of communication with men for me comes down to the fact that I stopped bothering. Most men do not know how to communicate with women. My friend sometimes blurts out such things to me ... and this is called, he was joking. Before, I was nervous because of every word, thought it over, scrolled through my head, looked for the meaning, and he forgot the next day, ” writes Love.

“I read a lot of books on the psychology of communication with men, but they didn’t help me in business. Why is it so hard to talk to men? Is it because they are unable to openly express their true feelings, are closed to emotions, or are afraid of relationships? Sometimes there are situations that you just don’t know anymore, ... " Maria writes.

In fact, men lead active emotional lives. They just use a different palette of emotional colors, which is associated with their leading needs.

Many men are not ready to easily reveal their emotions because they are not as important to them as solving problems. The leading need of men is to “conquer”, go towards the goal, solve specific problems, while the leading need of women is to establish emotional relationships. Therefore, men are so responsive to recognition of their strength, the ability to keep the situation under control and so vulnerable to criticism of their abilities. Women, in turn, react painfully when a man avoids emotional contact and "goes into the cave."

Society evaluates men on their competence and ability to maintain control in any situation. Here I remembered one of my acquaintances, who, by chance, worked for two years in a purely female team, as one of the employees. He was not the boss, he did not have any advantages in position and salary, but no matter what happened, no matter what unforeseen situation happened in the office, all the women immediately turned their heads in his direction and waited for him to solve the problem simply because he's a man.

If you watch how men and women train in the gym, you can notice differences in behavior. A man, having just learned a new exercise, already wants to add more weight and speed, having done it only twice. A woman will first want to understand how to perform the exercise, will do it slowly and watch to do everything right.

One of the unpleasant moments for men is to feel strong emotions and not know what to do with them. Men experience various emotions, but they are often frightened. And the natural transition from fear is anger and a desire to hide from the source of emotions. How often have you sought understanding of your subtle inner experiences from men, and how often have you found it? I'm sure many women are now sighing heavily. Sometimes it seems that men are just selfish and point-blank do not see women's experiences.

The woman who got stuck in the chimney

Once, while traveling in Europe, I accidentally stumbled upon a tragic story in a newspaper. There was a misunderstanding between a man and a woman, they began to quarrel. The woman, trying to prove her case, lost her temper and began to behave emotionally. The man, as often happens, immediately became "closed" and went into himself. He did not answer her phone calls, did not open the door of the house when she came to him. The woman, feeling a strong need to be understood, to explain herself and got angry that he did not allow her to speak out and decided to enter his house through the chimney from the fireplace. She climbed the fire escape to the roof of his house, began to go down the pipe and got stuck. Perhaps she called for help, but the house was private and stood aside, and the man, seeing that she was no longer knocking on his door, went out to air out. He returned home late, when the woman had already suffocated. A couple of days later, smelling it, he called the police, who found his girlfriend dead in a chimney opening.

This story teaches us a lot. In life, I observe similar situations, however, not with such a tragic end. A woman tries to reach out to a man, he closes and becomes as if deaf. If a woman does not stop and try to find another approach, she risks getting "stuck in the chimney".

There are things that our rational thinking cannot change, no matter what the pros and cons it finds. It's like going out in the rain in the morning. What do you think will happen then? If you don't have an umbrella, you will get wet. We don't like to walk around in wet clothes, but this is inevitable because rain is water. And if we do not want to get wet, we need to prepare for the rain, that is, take an umbrella with us. The same is true in, if you are not prepared, you will get some frustration. But if you know how to deal with the natural elements of the male essence, you will be protected.

To be prepared, it is already enough to know that a man always wants to be able to keep everything under control. To be a man who is confused and does not understand what is happening means for him to lose part of the male essence. A man doesn't want to feel that way.

To improve communication with a man, show him that you believe in his ability to solve problems. Or at least don't try to shake his faith in his abilities.

Communication with Men - Memo for Women

1. Men want to conquer, women want to take care of.
2. Men want to impress and arouse admiration, women want to be empathized with.
3. Men prioritize achievement, women prioritize relationships.
4. Men focus on the task and are able to ignore irrelevant information. It is easier for a woman to change tasks, giving each a certain amount of time.
5. The purpose of communication for men is to convey information, for women - to establish relationships.
6. A man in his mind can separate emotions, attitudes and information, while a woman tends to connect it all together.

Recent studies confirm that the behavior and style of communication inherent in the sex are formed not only under the influence of our instincts, but also by upbringing. Therefore, it must be borne in mind that the differences in the psychology of men and women given here are a generalization and exceptions to the general rules are possible. But in most cases, you will be surprised how true they are.

Here a woman meets an interesting man, they begin to meet, communicate, spend time, and then, quite unexpectedly, the relationship begins to deteriorate and the man disappears. And this is repeated several times. If this story is familiar to you, let's look together for the answer to the question of why this is happening. The fact is that a man and a woman are different from each other, like summer and winter, like day and night. This means that you need to communicate with them in different ways. The psychology of communication with men is quite peculiar, and requires a scrupulous approach. That is why the psychology of successful communication with men lies in the concept of "speaking their language."

If we, the fair sex, can unravel at least some of the secrets of communicating with men, we can achieve great success in building excellent relationships between a man and a woman. To do this, it is worth studying the male “language of conversation” and the principles of behavior. In addition, men and women perceive information differently too. Therefore, in most cases, a woman speaks to speak out, and a man enters into a dialogue only “on business”.

Rules for communicating with men

Let's look at some basic rules for communicating with men:

• men perceive everything in terms of solving problems. If a woman just wants to speak out, a girlfriend is more suitable for this. The man will immediately begin to give advice;
• when talking, men are able to discuss one topic at one time. Women simultaneously lead several topics at once (children, work, mother-in-law, shops). Therefore, discuss one topic with a male interlocutor;
• men look into the eyes of the interlocutor when talking. This rule must also be observed;
• men are simple, so they don’t notice the “subtext” in the conversation. If a woman wants something from a man, she should say it directly.

The art of communicating with men also lies in the correspondence of the selected image and the intended topic, because a man’s picture must match one hundred percent. For example, if a woman is going to a business meeting, then a strict business suit, hairstyle and serious business manners will be a good plus for a successful transaction. Then the man clearly understands what they came to him with and tunes in to a serious conversation. Proper communication with a man leads to positive results in the set goal of communication, whether it is a business transaction or a personal acquaintance with the hope of a long-term relationship.

Mistakes in communicating with men

There are well-known moments that men can not stand in women. To avoid mistakes, consider the most common "female blunders":

• men are annoyed when a conversation begins with an accusation. If this situation is repeated often, men prefer to step back;
• men can't stand women's tears. It is better to talk about everything in a businesslike manner - the result will be better;
• men hate to feel shame. A woman is doomed to loneliness if she fails to learn this rule by heart;
• you should not climb to a man with questions when he is busy. Here it is worth noting that to interrogate him with the phrase: “what happened, why are you silent?” also not possible.

These rules are very simple, so if you want to achieve the desired goals in communicating with men, they should be learned by heart. The first communication with a man should be interesting, exciting and dynamic. So that there was a desire to meet again. Talk about more masculine topics, that is, those that interest him, but you should not talk about pink ruffles and blonde girlfriends at the first meeting. If the conversation is businesslike, show your business qualities as much as possible. Build clear and specific proposals. Feel free to shake hands when meeting and parting.

Now there is a lot of literature that gives a lot of tips and advice, as well as reveals the secrets and features of communication with men. I would especially like to mention such authors as Allan and Barbara Pease, who have published many excellent books on this topic. Almost all the answers about how different a man and a woman can be obtained from the book "Man and Woman, the Language of Relationships" by Allan and Barbara Pease.

For a man, a woman is not only an object of contemplation and a lover, but also an interlocutor. Not every girl can and knows how to communicate with guys, but knowing some of the features of male psychology, this can be easily learned.

The guy does not want to communicate with me - what should I do? How to return lost interest in a relationship and are there any simple tips on how to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex?

Features of the male character

All people are individual. Both boys and girls have their own characteristics. The main thing that unites them is instincts. Even the most vulnerable man is guided by them, without knowing it.

To understand how to communicate with a guy, you need to remember the following aspects of his nature:

1. The man is a conqueror. Since the time of the first people, much has changed, except for one thing - the desire to dominate. Any man likes to feel like a winner, especially in the love sphere. Therefore, when communicating with a guy, you should not try to take a dominant position. You should not call several times a day and write flattering messages or fall asleep with invitations to dates - this limits a man. Thus, he may think that they are trying to control him, and, naturally, he will try to cut off any connection with you. The best way to remind yourself is to show kindness and care. Tell him what you remember about the last meeting, or ask about his well-being and success. How to start talking to a guy? Pay attention.
2. Men's logic. Guys have a completely different type of thinking - they are more guided by logic than by feelings. Therefore, in a conversation with a man, excessive emotionality will be unnecessary. However, you should not imitate his manner of speech and try to become "your boyfriend." To communicate on male topics, he has friends.
3. Multitasking is not about them. Recent studies of the neural structure of the brain have revealed that the male brain is easier to cope with one-step tasks. Therefore, if a man eats or reads something, then he most likely will not hear your appeal.
4. Acute hearing. Men, unlike women, perceive the tone of sound very sharply. Therefore, it is important for them not what the girl says, but how she does it. When talking with a guy, you should follow the timbre of your voice: the softer it is, the more pleasant it is to hear.

If a person is silent, this does not mean that he does not like communicating with you. To neutralize the embarrassment of a partner, do not be shy to ask questions - this will facilitate contact and make the conversation more intense. You can start a conversation with a little reasoning aloud, which will involve and interest the interlocutor.

What to talk about with a man

Many girls, having noticed a handsome chosen one, ask themselves the question " how to start chatting with a guy you like?". Do not fall into a stupor at the sight of a man, because this is the same person as your girlfriend or friend. When communicating with him, you need to achieve the appearance of a natural and relaxed atmosphere.

The key to strong relationships is common interests. Therefore, at the first conversation, do not hesitate to ask the guy questions about his hobbies and hobbies. It is important to understand what he likes, and then it will be easier to build communication.

You should not prepare in advance for a conversation with a man, but it will not be superfluous to find out what he is interested in. You do not need to understand sports or weapons, he has friends to communicate on these topics. However, if you are really knowledgeable in these topics, then you can support or supplement the conversation with your knowledge.

The best topics for a friendly conversation are:

• hobbies;
• literature;
• trips;
• movie.

If the interlocutor likes science, you can talk with him on near-scientific topics. Discuss the existence of the UFO, or ask him about what he knows but you don't. A man likes to feel needed, so do not be afraid to once again ask for something to explain or tell.

Conquer from the first minutes

Many girls want to know how to communicate with a guy so that he will like him from the first minutes of the conversation.

All people are different, however, knowing a few simple rules, you can win over even the coldest guy:

1. Mystery Girl. Men love to conquer, and the longer the interlocutor guards her secrets, the better. You should not open up to a guy on the first date and talk about emotional wounds or former relationships.
2. Do not be shy. Modesty adorns a girl, but excessive isolation can get boring. If you are cheerful with your chosen one, this will endear him to you.
3. Know your worth. Even if the object of sighing drives you crazy, do not forget about your own dignity. Pride is above everything.
4. Love yourself. Often women wonder, “why did the guy just stop talking?”. Often it is due to low self-esteem. Before trying to win the attention of a partner, you need to love yourself.
5. Stay feminine. When communicating, people tend to copy the behavior and speech patterns of the interlocutor, this helps to find a common language. If a man’s vocabulary contains a lot of swear words or slang, you should not repeat after him, this is contrary to female nature. This behavior is not liked by the vast majority of men.
6. Be yourself. In pursuit of reciprocal feelings, you can forget about your own personality. So that further communication with a guy does not bring disappointment, you should not hide your own "I" behind masks.

In addition, each girl must maintain her independence. A man must understand that a partner is a self-sufficient person who is looking for an equal partner, and not consolation or a source of income. To understand how to communicate with an ex-boyfriend, it is worth remembering his interests and hobbies. However, if there is no desire to renew close relationships, it is not worth discussing intimate issues.

Chatting in Internet

Increasingly, relationships begin with communication on social networks. Such an easy way to find a partner is very convenient, but it is often difficult to get someone interested in ordinary correspondence. There are some simple tips on how to properly communicate with a guy over the Internet.

To draw attention to yourself, it is enough to leave a funny comment on the photo, but you should not “like” all the photos or posts on his social media page. If the guy doesn't respond to your attentions, don't be afraid to text first. Do not impose yourself and start communication with banal phrases. Try to intrigue the interlocutor, show him how good a conversation is with a girl like you.

Another way to correctly interest a potential “victim” is to update photos on social networks. Men, as you know, love with their eyes, so a beautiful avatar will definitely interest your chosen one. This tip helps you understand how to properly communicate with a guy on the Internet without using words.

Even if a guy shows sympathy online, this does not indicate the seriousness of his intentions. Often, relationships on the Internet are regarded as easy flirting, so you should not swear love to your chosen one without talking to him live.

In any situation, it is worth following a few general recommendations that will help build interesting and long-term relationships. How to learn to communicate with guys correctly?

Don't forget things like:

1. Appearance. In a real meeting with a guy, you should not put kilograms of makeup on your face. You should make a simple make-up that will not attract all the attention. It should be made natural¸ unobtrusive.
2. Language of the body. During a date, it is important to monitor your posture and body movements. Arms crossed on the chest, rounded back, head bowed forward are unacceptable mistakes. It is important to constantly maintain your posture, not to take closed postures, to look for "moderate" eye contact. This does not mean that the guy needs to constantly look in the face. Excessive eye contact can be repulsive. Occasionally, you can correct naughty curls.
3. Perfume. It doesn't have to be cloyingly sweet. For a romantic meeting, aromas with notes of vanilla, lavender, musk are suitable.

« Why did the guy stop talking to me?”- a frequent question that girls who are victims of deception ask themselves. Often, the collapse of a relationship is provoked by a girl's inattention to her lover. To communicate productively with guys, you do not need to attend many hours of training.

The human world is rightly divided into men and women. But they not only have to, but sometimes it is very useful to communicate with each other. Colleagues, friends, classmates and comrades in various fields, brothers and uncles - all this. This means that you need to be able to communicate with them.

It is not easy to communicate with a man. You need to constantly keep in mind a few rules of communication, until the ability to talk correctly with the opposite sex is developed to automatism. A friend comes up - chirping about her own, about a girl's. A guy comes up - and as if by itself a completely different style of communication turns on. What is it?

To begin with, a couple of tips regarding the psychology of communication with men:

• They have much less need for communication than women.

Usually a woman needs one and a half times more communication per day than the opposite sex. Perhaps it’s worth stopping in time before “loading” him with an “extra” conversation.

• Keep the goal of communication in front of you.

The representatives of the stronger sex are usually famous for this, but if you want to communicate with a young man successfully, for a long time and often, you will have to talk to a man correctly. So, if you really want to just chat, if you start a conversation “just like that”, warn your conversation partner about this. That from this conversation he does not need to catch hints, wishes, questions and requests.

• Speak directly, not in hints.

Perhaps there is nothing worse for a man than trying to match twenty separate facts uttered by a woman in half an hour in order to find the twenty-first. What is not said does not exist. Therefore, speak clearly and directly about your desires, about the situation at work. Don't make him guess.

• Be aware of different tactics, and do not be offended by the partner's communication strategy.

Where he prefers to force and buy, the woman seeks to charm or win over the interlocutor.

Topics suitable for communication with men

• need not only in his "language" and his ways, but also about what is interesting to him.

Women gossip about household chores, new clothes, sales, housekeeping and all sorts of relationships - at work, at home, with relatives ...
To a man, these conversations, to put it mildly, resemble an annoying buzz, children's chatter “about nothing”. They talk about important things - about football, politics, work, real and imaginary things (what can be done). If you are not ready to support such a conversation, consider that this may not be necessary if you know how to listen.

• Talk about the success of a man.

Psychologists have found that men, even the most infantile representatives of the male gender, are very fond of talking about their successes, while women discuss moments when they were, to put it mildly, not at their best. Don't talk about your failures today - talk to him about his successes instead!

• Feelings - inside, and thoughts - too.

Surely you noticed that in a conversation women discuss something, and right in the course of the conversation they look for some final result. Guys do the opposite. They think, build logical chains, and only when they reach the end, they announce the result.

Men often don't like it when women talk without thinking. Therefore, do not provoke him in communication.

The same goes for feelings. They experience their feelings inside (do not think that they are less emotional!), and express the end result: like - do not like, want - do not want.

• Feel free to interrupt the interlocutor!

If you want to talk properly to a man, interrupt him as often as he interrupts you. It came to mind - tell me. Because female diplomacy is often perceived as a weakness. As long as you let him talk - he actually thinks that you are soft-bodied, weak, or not at all - you have nothing to say.

• You only have 10-15 seconds!

The attention time allotted to a woman is the first 15 seconds from the beginning of the conversation. At this time, the man listens attentively to the woman. And then he turns on the "machine" and begins to answer without specifying the details. Start with a vital question, "hook" it and talk about something specific. Do not start "from afar" - while you are preparing the "listener", it is already turned off ...

How exactly to communicate with a man?

• Reduce self-criticism

Criticism is more common among women. They are skeptical about how important they are in society, whether they behave correctly. For a strong floor, this is noticed much less often. So don't start with a "submissive" or "guilty" line or even mood.

Be confident in yourself, your worth and competence! Your role, which you yourself imposed on yourself, is a direct directive to a man how to perceive you! Do not weaken your "starting" positions in the conversation.

• Keep the facts and narrative clear despite your doubts

Use less of any conditional "isn't it?" "Yes?" and avoid the subjunctive (“would”, “could be”). Give clear information, even if you admit that it could be otherwise. They just can't handle all twenty probabilistic lines of conversation.

• Brevity is the soul of wit.
• Use a hard tone without hesitation

Men, it turns out, quite adequately and without negativity perceive a harsh tone. So women in vain try to communicate with them gently, softening even what they really don’t like.